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 dinno76
Joined: 7/13/2018
Msg: 26
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
You should take his blue pills away.
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 27
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/24/2018 6:03:12 PM

I agree this is a train wreck in the making and I am suffering from major anxiety.


There it is in a Nutshell, Wades. All other arguments would just be a moot point after that revelation. Being with this man makes you feel horrible, so you know what to do.


Things were so much better when I didn't date anyone....


I feel your pain: There have been times in my own life, when I finally came to the conclusion that NO one was better than the one I had. I'm sure I'm not the only Fish that's had that epiphany before. A LOT of us have been there, so don't feel alone.

You don't need any more advice now. You already know what to do next.


…..and stayed home all of the time...…


I wouldn't take it that far.

Why not just get out, and enjoy your life and your interests in the company of other good people. Stay in touch with the friends you have now. And make more friends on meetup.com, or whatever activities site you have where you are.

Enjoy what you CAN have in this life. Don't throw the rest away just because you don't meet "anyone".

If you need to spend some time alone, spend it constructively. As other posters are trying to tell you in many other ways "there's a common denominator here".

Get on UTube for good counseling and advice on how to attract the quality men you want. How to spot and avoid the jerks.

Use the advice of the GOOD counselors to find out how to build your self esteem.
Hold your head up. Respect yourself. BE the person you want to marry.

You're naturally a very pretty woman. But your body language and how you carry yourself just might be at least part of your problems with men.

If you want to attract a classier man, you might consider a major make-over. Does NOT have to be expensive. Just learn to color and style your hair, do flattering subtle make up, and get a few more stylish looks.

I'm not saying you need to spend a fortune or hours of time on your appearance I'm not asking you to "be something you're not". But I am saying that the amount and type of effort you put in to your appearance is sending messages about your level of self esteem.


... which I've been doing for over a decade and just kinda dated here and there without major assault to my heart.


A decade its FAR to long to "get a rubber band and snap out of it!" And you CAN snap out of it, if that's what you find you REALLY want. At least give it a try. I promise it WON'T be easy. Lots of false starts., But a new, self-confident, happier YOU could emerge.

And if, after you try, you still want to just be alone. At least you know you are sure you made the right choice for YOU.

And most of all, OP --- DO NOT BASE YOUR SELF WORTH ON WHETHER OR NOT YOU HAVE A MAN.

You have to love YOURSELF before you can find the love of anyone else.
 ItCouldBeNice2
Joined: 4/5/2018
Msg: 28
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/24/2018 10:48:19 PM
Oh, it sounds like you two are just friends. Telling someone about all of your past and present lovers seems like something someone would do when they want to keep a certain amount of emotional distance between you and them. Or... he might be seeking someone serious who is a friend... and can accept him for all of his imperfections and that's why he's disclosing all of these things to you. IDK... I'm not sure. I suppose it is better than being dishonest about these things.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 29
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 2:45:13 AM

and we have a connection

Didn't his three wives think they had a connection too? I suggest you read everything you posted about him and see if you can tell the difference between things you find attractive and things where you're making excuses for him.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 30
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 3:33:31 AM
I think he fudged the numbers in that one...just a tad. LOL.

Anyway, if he is speaking to you in that way (the boobs remark), find somebody else. He doesn't respect you.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 31
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 3:37:33 AM
"You should take his blue pills away."

LOL! Indeed. He's one of those "viagra vapers" still trying to cling on to the youthful bygone ages that bandoned athem decades ago.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 32
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 4:34:55 AM

You're naturally a very pretty woman. But your body language and how you carry yourself just might be at least part of your problems with men.

If you want to attract a classier man, you might consider a major make-over. Does NOT have to be expensive. Just learn to color and style your hair, do flattering subtle make up, and get a few more stylish looks.

I'm not saying you need to spend a fortune or hours of time on your appearance I'm not asking you to "be something you're not". But I am saying that the amount and type of effort you put in to your appearance is sending messages about your level of self esteem.


- that's good advice.




He claims he was a slut? - he still is! Looking at and talking about other women is a real turnoff. At the least guys should wear mirrored sunglasses and keep their mouths shut.

And he's kissing other women? Describe these kisses
 wadeinwaves
Joined: 8/7/2017
Msg: 33
My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 6:28:32 AM
"You're naturally a very pretty woman. But your body language and how you carry yourself just might be at least part of your problems with men.

If you want to attract a classier man, you might consider a major make-over. Does NOT have to be expensive. Just learn to color and style your hair, do flattering subtle make up, and get a few more stylish looks.

I'm not saying you need to spend a fortune or hours of time on your appearance I'm not asking you to "be something you're not". But I am saying that the amount and type of effort you put in to your appearance is sending messages about your level of self esteem."

- How do I fix my hair?
- Why would I colour it? I am not ashamed of the grey in my hair and my new boyfriend thinks it is sexy and I get compliments from other people as well because of how my hair is greying.
- I do wear makeup. It is subtle eyeshadow, brown mascara, and light coloured lipstick. Should I be wearing it heavier? If so, why?

"And he's kissing other women? Describe these kisses"

- He kissed these women on the lips with pecks. There was no tongue and it was 'before' we started dating and becoming exclusive.

This man has does nothing but apologize to lacking a filter and even said we could seek counseling on how to not f*ck up the relationship through his church or another church. He is remorseful and has stated he never wants to hurt me and that he wants me to feel secure with what we have. I believe him. I have forgiven him.

I think part of the reason he has said stuff to me is in response to feeling jealousy himself. When I first started going to the bar there was a extremely handsome muscular black man who was trying to get to know me. I didn't pursue things with him because he had just broken up with his girlfriend and was on the rebound. This man still goes to the bar. I talk with him still because even though he is on the rebound is respectful. My boyfriend has seen me talk to him before and can see how incredibly perfect he is physically and I told him, "That handsome muscular man expressed interest before I met you but is not emotionally available so I wasn't interested". I was letting him know I wasn't interested in him in which he replied, "Am I going to have to worry about beautiful muscular black men who walk in the bar?" and I told him, "No", which is how I feel. No way will I leave what I have with him because of how another man looks. I see my boyfriend as perfect and the most beautiful.

He and I have incredible chemistry and the mutual attraction is out of this world and the way he kisses makes me melt. He is a successful professional businessman and in the future I can see us working together to increase his success. He slipped up. Sometimes people do that but if we walked away from everyone who made a mistake early on in a relationship there'd be many more unpartnered people. I'm not perfect. He sees guys in the bar coming on to me when he is performing (hard to believe when I have grey hair that isn't styled) but I keep my distance and I don't flirt with them because I don't want to hurt him either or ever make him feel insecure.

Anyhow, I'm not leaving him. I'm going to give us a chance. We all make mistakes. In regards to his past, that was 'before' me. I am with him now and that is all that matters. He chose me.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 34
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 6:35:40 AM

Anyhow, I'm not leaving him. I'm going to give us a chance. We all make mistakes. In regards to his past, that was 'before' me. I am with him now and that is all that matters. He chose me.


I totally get that.
Just take care that your desire to be chosen and wanted by someone isn't overshadowed by your other needs.
It's easy to bask in the attention of someone when you've been alone, but that's no reason to accept bad habits
or traits that make you uncomfortable. He didn't slip up. He showed you what he was and you asked him to stop.
Hopefully he will.

I really do wish you the best and I'm glad he makes you happy.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 35
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 6:51:34 AM
Most people who post here will jump to "Dump him!" No wonder they are single. If you dump someone for every reasons you ever find ...well youll be on POF for years.
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 36
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 7:30:18 AM
How do I fix my hair?

Get a professional cut and learn to style it. Doesn't have to be short. Just not hanging there looking unkept and making you look frumpy.

- Why would I colour it? I am not ashamed of the grey in my hair and my new boyfriend thinks it is sexy and I get compliments from other people as well because of how my hair is greying.

As I said earlier -- to attract a CLASSIER man. If you're the types of men you've been telling us about, then no worries. But if you want something better from your life -- and you want people to treat your better -- then don't keep "proudly" refusing to change a thing about yourself, and demanding that everyone should love you just as you are. They won't have a chance to get to know you if your appearance drives them away before the first hello.

If you really do prefer OLDER men, then no worries. But a man near your age is not likely to be attracted to women with stringy grey hair.


- I do wear makeup. It is subtle eyeshadow, brown mascara, and light coloured lipstick. Should I be wearing it heavier? If so, why?

No, you def don't need heavy make-up. But maybe learning good eye make up techniques suitable for women your age would improve your appearance.

But overall, its about how you carry yourself. If your appearance is mousy, and you look like a victim, you will attract nothing but the type of victimizers you keep complaining to us about.



I have no idea what couples counseling will do for you two.

The man already knows his behavior is disrespectful and hurtful to you. He know how to stop. But he chooses not to. Do you really think counseling will change him? Or just waste more of your time?
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 37
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 7:53:16 AM
PLEASE DISREGARD MY LAST POST. CRAZY SITE WOULD NOT LET ME UPDATE IT. THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED.





How do I fix my hair?


Get a professional cut and learn to style it. Doesn't have to be short. Just not hanging there looking unkept and making you look frumpy. The long unstyled look can be cute on a woman in her teens or twenties. Maybe not so much after 40.


Why would I colour it? I am not ashamed of the grey in my hair and my new boyfriend thinks it is sexy and I get compliments from other people as well because of how my hair is greying.


As I said earlier -- to attract a CLASSIER man. If you're happy the types of men you've been telling us about, then no worries. But if you want something better from your life -- and you want people to treat your better -- then don't keep "proudly" refusing to change a thing about yourself. Don't demand that everyone should love you just as you are. They won't. Or even have a chance to get to know you if your appearance drives them away before the first "hello".

If you really do prefer OLDER men, then no worries. But a man near your age is not likely to be attracted to women with stringy grey hair.


I do wear makeup. It is subtle eyeshadow, brown mascara, and light coloured lipstick. Should I be wearing it heavier? If so, why?


No, you def don't need heavy make-up. But maybe adding VERY subltle eyeliner and some mascara, suitable for women your age would bring out your lovely eyes.

But overall, its about how you carry yourself. If your appearance is mousy, and you look like a victim, you will attract nothing but the type of victimizers you keep complaining to us about.


---

You mentioned counseling. I have no idea what couples counseling will do for you two.

The man already knows his behavior is disrespectful and hurtful to you. He know how to stop. But he chooses not to. Do you really think counseling will change him? Or just waste more of your time? And frustrate you more?

What if he does go to counseling. Does better for a while (until you're MORE hooked), then it's right back to the same old thing? Only now you're more invested than ever?


He and I have incredible chemistry and the mutual attraction is out of this world and the way he kisses makes me melt.


Dead give-away you're being manipulated. He makes you miserable most of the time. But you'll suffer through because those few moments when he kisses you (and you melt) make it all worth your while. What an emotional roller coaster.


He is a successful professional businessman and in the future I can see us working together to increase his success


Skilled manipulators will promise you the moon.


He slipped up. Sometimes people do that....


Depends on the type of "slip-up". An etiquette mistake, or saying something stupid -- no worries. But deliberately doing something mean and hurtful -- again!!! -- no way! More manipulation.


but if we walked away from everyone who made a mistake early on in a relationship there'd be many more unpartnered people


Not necessarily. There might be more partnered people out there if less time was wasted on Time Wasters.

But, you say you won't be leaving him. Your choice. So let us know how it goes.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 38
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 8:05:50 AM
Come here and complain about him....then...
Come here and make excuses for him....

Why all the drama of the first post and follow up posts continuing to complain about his actions...
when you had no intentions of listening to the advise given or leaving him?

this will end in one of two ways...
you dealing with a lifetime of apolgies every time you call him out for his behavior...
or you having to admit you are the only one to blame for ignoring all the red flags...
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 39
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 8:14:50 AM
How and why did he keep track?

Better multiply 150 by a number from 3 on up if he was a traveling musician.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 40
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 8:17:57 AM

Most people who post here will jump to "Dump him!" No wonder they are single. If you dump someone for every reasons you ever find ...well youll be on POF for years.


I don't necessarily disagree with this...you shouldn't dump anyone for just any reason.
However, this is a man in his 60's. He has showed her who he is. He didn't make a mistake,
he didn't do something out of the ordinary...he did what is natural to him...and it made her
uncomfortable. The chances of him changing his ways are nil. He's used to being around people,
to being overly friendly with them, he's used to commenting on other women's bodies without
reprimand.

I'm not saying anything is wrong with any of the above...he is who he is.

However, I am saying, she will have to accept his behavior if she plans on spending time with him.
She likes everything else about him, so hopefully it will work out.

I will also say what bothers you a little now....will bother you a lot later.

We all have to draw our own lines in the sand.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 41
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 8:40:27 AM
Your hairstyle isn't your problem what the genius wants to do is change how you look period. You are fine the way you are in appearance.

Your problem is you play a victim attitude, everything a man says or does you make about you. Guy says something about some ladies attributes you have self doubt don't we don't like it. It's better him tell you than to lie to you say no I wasn't looking.

Your appearance has nothing to do with attracting classier men your attitude is the problem plain and simple. Do not comment on other people's physical characteristics unless, of course, it's to compliment them, which is always welcome.

You play the victim a lot, you let other people's opinion bother you way too much and you think every person's comment should be taken as an assault towards you. I'ts no wonder people can give ladies the truth they can't handle the truth.

You shouldn't change to try to please anyone which is what these ladies want you to do.

Just the way you are- Billy Joel.

See I actually knew what your problem is gee I wonder why? You want to know what attracts a man with class not their shit.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 42
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 8:42:55 AM

slept with 150 women

^^^
............... WOW !!! ................

I feel like a dysfunctional sexual el - dork - O ...
I'm 66 and have slept with less then 20 women, in my entire life. Welpers ~ guess I'm not a " man-whore " , skirt chasin', piece of trash, like this dis-gusting rock n roller. Some may consider my statement harsh but I qualify it ~ by his moves put on other women & his comments about another womans boobs, right in front of the her. I wonder about any woman who would even consider getting serious with a creep like him. Your worth much more OP, then becoming a steady # 151 ( with a Viagra snortin' pile of walking & talking dust )

...... I can't wrap my head around ANY WOMAN who would even consider coupling up with some skirt chasing piece of horny trash, such as this slob. OP ? Gather up some respect for yourself and move on, life is too short to waste time.

heart / sun
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 43
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 8:49:04 AM

Your hairstyle isn't your problem what the genius wants to do is change how you look period. You are fine the way you are in appearance.


No, TOMASLASAN --

I was the one who suggested the make over. NOT the OP's "boyfriend".

I do think it would give her more self confidence, and make her attractive to a wider range of men.

The way a woman looks and carries herself DOES have a HUGE effect on the type of man a woman will attract.

But, I agree. She can still love herself just the way she is. It's just a matter of doing it. And loving herself to dump the loser. But loving herself enough to understand that she may be fine on her own.
 wadeinwaves
Joined: 8/7/2017
Msg: 44
My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 9:07:46 AM
"I don't necessarily disagree with this...you shouldn't dump anyone for just any reason.
However, this is a man in his 60's. He has showed her who he is. He didn't make a mistake,
he didn't do something out of the ordinary...he did what is natural to him...and it made her
uncomfortable."

Many women wouldn't have cared about the comment he made and many would. Keep in mind I did mention that there was a handsome muscular black man interested in me before he met me which made him jealous. I probably shouldn't have mentioned this man's perfect physical attributes and instead said (since he sees me talking with this man while he's on stage and I don't want him to feel threatened), "That is a man who expressed interest who I wasn't interested in due to being emotionally available", instead of mentioning, "That handsome muscular man I talk with expressed interest in me....". Was I right to mention the man's beauty?

Keep in mind nobody in the bar knows we are dating because I dated another band member of his who is going through a nasty divorce. That musician loved my stringy hair and is sixty. The divorce stuff and court dates became too much. The man I'm with does not want anyone to know we're dating as he wants to keep the band together. In time he will let the people know once the other musician is over me (he wrote and performed a song for me in my backyard with guitar) and is a wonderful loving person. Another musician (guest musician) was also interested in me too who played with Janis Joplin and Anne Murray back in the day but he is a misogynist and never got over his divorce. He told me I looked like his first wife (would have been in the 80s). I do okay for a person with grey hair who doesn't wear noticeable makeup. I have a quirky sense of humor which these individuals find endearing. I think that is what attracted them in the first place.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 45
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 9:24:17 AM
I don't know.
Honestly, this whole "look who is interested in me" stuff
is high schoolish. He points out a woman's boobs and you point
out a guys muscles. He doesn't want people to know you're dating.
Until the other guy you dated gets over you even though you've
said you've been a recluse for a decade.

Now you're back to trying to find reasons people might like you.

I'm glad you're happy...even though I'm not sure who you're trying
to convince...us or yourself. You don't have to convince us (or me)
of anything. Just be happy. But when excuses and justifications
for behavior become the norm, recognize what's wrong.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 46
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 9:38:21 AM
Yeah to be honest, when people are over 25 and their dating story is full of high school drama , then I wonder how mentally mature these people actually are
 wadeinwaves
Joined: 8/7/2017
Msg: 47
My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 9:46:55 AM
"I don't know.
Honestly, this whole "look who is interested in me" stuff
is high schoolish. He points out a woman's boobs and you point
out a guys muscles. He doesn't want people to know you're dating.
Until the other guy you dated gets over you even though you've
said you've been a recluse for a decade."

You have a point. It is absolutely immature and we've agreed to leave this sh*t alone. We talk a lot. We communicate. We are just learning about one another and sometimes what a person says can hurt and it's up to us not to stay silent and speak up. This is how relationships dissolve when their is miscommunication---or no communication.

I recently broke up with the other musician who I dated for six weeks. In my posts I did mention I dated here and there which means I wasn't a recluse. I never hand anything serious with anyone so it got discouraging and I stopped meeting people from old.

Oh, and my grey hair makes me look like I am 52 years old which isn't a bad thing at the moment. :)
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 48
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 9:50:07 AM
Love how she is elaborating the more and more like oh yeah I forgot this part and that part. Rather than put all the things in the OP cause that is where it should be. Nope people just keep throwing new added shit and other details they might have forgot to mention and that shit just keeps on going.

News flash I identified who she is what her problem is and where she is making her mistakes she don't want to fix her attitude that's been like that since she was MouseinPajamas that is a her problem.

I know the shit storm of the area she is in told her to date not in that city before. Of the sexual violence crimes in Ontario her city of 100k make up 25% more than anywhere else in the bloody province, we take the other 75% and divided equally amongst the remaining locations. I know the city so well I told my daughter she is not to date guys there it wasn't up for a discussion and she knew it, her whole time at college I worried so much I have gray hair showing.

What waves needs to do get a grip on herself take responsibility for herself and think what is best for herself have a positive attitude, stop acting and playing the victim and find the right one.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 49
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 10:03:59 AM
I will add that you seem to cause your own trouble. Dating different members of the same band? You like drama.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 50
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My senior citizen aged boyfriend has slept with 150 women; Why do I feel put off?
Posted: 7/25/2018 10:20:18 AM

Oh, and my grey hair makes me look like I am 52 years old which isn't a bad thing at the moment. :)


That you would want to age yourself for the comfort of your mate is mind boggling.
And how did you settle on 52?

I feel like this is a science experiment...and we're the mice.
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