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 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 76
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Is dating harder for men or women?Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Physical attraction gets you in the door, but without other qualities you'll be out that door. Love is complex and often illogical since your subconscious mind plays a larger role than your conscious mind.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 77
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/12/2018 9:42:31 PM

--nonesense. Haven't you ever heard the phrase, "You had me at 'Hello'?!" Again, have a normal conversation. What would you do in the real world?

I agree and disagree, with you both on this. A gal shouldn't be ticked or frustrated that all they got was a "Hello". I agree there -- that spells attitude problem with her. It's "pinging" someone -- greater than a Like, by truly taking some (albeit small) action. That said though -- since we are talking about strategy here, yeah, when the dating scene's tough for a guy, you Don't just say "Hi". You write basically two full sentences. One's a statement about she/her profile, and the other is a question. The reason is, if you're not generating a "Wow, he's really cute" mindset by your main picture -- she's not going to be motivated to respond, as you're one of many there just saying hello. A GIRL can do a 1st "Hi" message with success, with little or no problem. Guys? You're relying purely on your looks to get a convo generated, and you're putting the ball in her court, and gals don't want to do that when they have their lovely hands full of dudes hitting them up. :)

See?
If women had "intuition", they would be able to sense which guys would be problems, and avoid them, and keep the problems out of their lives.

I 100% agree. EVERYBODY has intuition -- not just females higher than men. Both can be way off (or on). But when you believe your intuition's "magical" and always 100% right when you sense "danger" -- you're going to be Blind to making mistakes with it as you're conditioned without questioning that you were off on your "feeling".

So it can't be his dazzling good looks that are going to get my attention. So it should be his first email. And it should be him showing a REAL interest in something more than the last guy or the guy before him or the guy before him.

If he has dazzling good looks, he will be able to get away with more than a guy who's merely do-able when your hands are full of other dudes. I agree that guys need to make the most out of his 1st email to be conversational -- by not just a "hi" -- but at the same time, not much more though either. Just enough to generate a response from her without having to drum anything up herself. The gal shouldn't be in position to have guys "audition" to win her over as if she's upset toward guys thus stuck in the mindset of "Better put on a show to win me over, buddy."

As long as more guys are on a dating site or at the singles bars

Or in the room.

Yeah, any room/area where it's open to mingling/flirting/etc. I point out bars because even if you were to point out a city where there's a little more women than men -- you'll STILL see more dudes at the bar than women almost every time. And obviously Online.

The problem with women being able to get sex with anyone at any time is that you are then labeled things like sl ut or wh ore if you do. That opens the door for alot of things to happen.

There is that unfortunate problem of society. It's perpetuated by other women sneering at other women who do (jealousy), and by some guys who can't get her interest if she does sleep around a lot (rejection jealousy). Not that guys don't get negative labels for doing the same -- they most certainly do -- but for women it's stronger since ya got both genders hissing at them. That said tho, if she (or he) played her cards right while not living in a small town, she could pretty frequently get the sex without her Rep being harmed -- just keeping her periodic indulgences outside any social group connections.

But I think his point is: She CAN have sexual relations quite easily -- by either one-nighters, or just strictly casual dating if she's not into one-nighters... without much work at all. I think it's taken for granted.


Most men have to put themselves out there, be aggressive, be charming, be witty, spend money, etc. etc. And still have a tough time getting sex.

Don't know who told you that lie but NO they will not.

It's actually pretty much true. They do have to put themselves out there, make the first moves, etc. They have to, from a shy guy's POV, be "aggressive" out there in the dating scene making those first moves... and when they are, even being quite charming + spending the cha-ching money most gals will see as a requirement anyway -- sex doesn't cum too easily if he's not a hottie.

Instant chemistry also clouds a person's judgment. You could have great chemistry and a burning attraction for a person who turns out to be a liar, cheater, abuser, etc., etc.

I agree. That's where that "intuition" -- ie gut-feeling -- can lead one astray. Your lens on them is shaded, thanks to emotion. Not that the guy (or girl) would have to be a liar/cheater/abuser -- he could just end up Not being a great match once the dust settles after a month or two, and she wasted her time when it came to going down Relationship Alley with him.

I've had great chemistry with men on first dates but here I am: still single.

There's literally nothing wrong with that. :)

It's not the be-all to end-all. Once we actually got to dating each other, we found out other qualities/characteristics that rendered us an incompatible match.

Nothing really wrong with that either, as long as false internal assumptions that they were going to be some great Relationship Match. When I have great instant chemistry with a gal, it's great -- but I don't push to be a real item any faster than a gal than a gal where there were no crazy sparks flying from the outset. That kills the chemistry, for me anyway. It's after a while when we've been meshing our free-time part of our lives some, that it gets to the point where I think about how well she and I would size up meshing lives altogether.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 78
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/12/2018 9:43:56 PM
cooldog
since your subconscious mind plays a larger role than your conscious mind

Agreed.

Btw, I just listened to 'No News' by The Glories and thought of you. :-)
 sun_water
Joined: 5/26/2018
Msg: 79
Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/13/2018 6:25:46 AM

I've been on dates with hot men but there was little to no chemistry. It takes more than looks to impress me, and you too. For be to be remotely seriously about the guy (and vice versa), we need to have more in common than finding each-other attractive & fleeting sparks.

Same here. When I wasn't interested in seeing a man again, it was sometimes because of his personality or attitude. He did or said some thing(s) during a date that are clear turn offs. Or other things he might be polite and respectful. But I felt that we weren't compatible after going out on some dates with him.
 sun_water
Joined: 5/26/2018
Msg: 80
Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/13/2018 6:56:40 AM
Typos in previous post. Corrected below.

Same here. When I wasn't interested in seeing a man again, it was sometimes because of his personality or attitude. He did or said some thing(s) during a date that were clear turn offs. Or other times he was polite and respectful. But I felt that we weren't compatible after going out on some dates with him.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 81
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/13/2018 7:40:56 AM
^^^ Simple and straight to the point.


Btw, I just listened to 'No News' by The Glories and thought of you. :-)


Isn't that an awesome song? Two others songs they do that you should check out are "My Sweet Sweet Baby" and "I Worship You Baby".
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 82
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/13/2018 8:58:07 AM

Why isn't Henry hot? Really, you have to ask that question? He admits to not being in good shape.


I don't think there is a single criteria that determines attractiveness.
Certainly not 'being in shape'.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 83
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/13/2018 9:00:16 AM

Why isn't Henry hot? Really, you have to ask that question? He admits to not being in good shape.


I don't think there is a single criteria that determines attractiveness.
Certainly not 'being in shape'.


I 100% agree. EVERYBODY has intuition

The problem is when we (or other people) talk ourselves out of following our intuition.
 LoveOnAShip
Joined: 7/24/2018
Msg: 84
Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/13/2018 9:11:30 AM

It is NOT online dating that causes humans to be attracted to physically attractive people. That is eons of evolutionary development. When you see a physically attractive person what you are really seeing is good genes and the desire to connect with this person is the desire to improve your own genetic offspring.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSGRQbkhYLc




I don't think there is a single criteria that determines attractiveness.
Certainly not 'being in shape'.


You can think what ever you like.

But the reality is, mating is way easier for people/animals who are more "in shape" VS "out of shape".
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 85
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/13/2018 9:27:13 AM

I don't think there is a single criteria that determines attractiveness.
Certainly not 'being in shape'.

True, but a single criteria can nix you from being attractive among much of the masses. Or, more commonly, nix someone from being "hot" in the eyes of most. But you can still have strong attraction to someone you wouldn't label as a "hottie".

The problem is when we (or other people) talk ourselves out of following our intuition.

One's intuition can be quite flawed -- so some people do need to be talked out of following their intuition blindly, and conditioned it's "always right". One common example is a gal who becomes ga-ga about, say, "Brad". Others see some issues with the dude, but Sally's smitten by him. That's her intuition that he's a great guy ("You just don't see it, guys"). But after the initial glory phase wears off, Sally then may say she should have followed her "intuition" because there were some things she did notice but scooted aside. Playing Monday Morning Quarterback and replacing one with the other.

Your intuition can occur in many very different directions. There's a basic version which is flawed on accuracy, but good that it's not -- sensing danger. Much of the time, there really is no danger, but it's a better-safe-than-sorry. It's a part of evolution. Those who wouldn't run from some rustling in the bushes behind us because it could be a predator would get killed off. Even if much of the time, no, there is no danger there -- but err on the side of being safe. Which is a good thing. But thinking it doesn't have error is silly.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 86
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/13/2018 10:52:37 AM
cooldog
Isn't that an awesome song? Two others songs they do that you should check out are "My Sweet Sweet Baby" and "I Worship You Baby".

I have 'My Sweet Sweet Baby.' I will check out 'I Worship You Baby.' Thanks cooldog!
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 87
Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/13/2018 11:19:40 AM

3. READ HER PROFILE and respond accordingly in an email containing more than HI.




--nonesense. Haven't you ever heard the phrase, "You had me at 'Hello'?!" Again, have a normal conversation. What would you do in the real world?


--- Furthermore, sometimes you get less than "Hi", or "Hello" ........in the cases where the woman writes to the man first! In those cases, you got zero opening message, the girl did it instead.

And the whole, "read my profile" is another thing I hate to hear............people, both men and women, are reading multiple profiles, not just yours, and it's not reasonable to expect men or women to memorize your profile at first glance. Dating is a process of discovery and getting to know people.

Sorry, but the whole world does not revolve around high maintenance people.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 88
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/13/2018 11:27:22 AM
If you're not reading a profile, you're only interested in sex, which is fine if the other person is agreeable, but you don't know unless you read their profile. Not that someone reading it means they don't only want you for sex. This is part of the reason why OLD isn't good, men perusing pics solely looking for sex and treating women like whores.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 89
Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/13/2018 11:31:29 AM
coma_white writes:

Men, in general, are attracted to younger women. It doesn't have anything to do with maturity. It's biological. Why is it better for a man to date someone the exact same age if he's happy dating someone younger and his partner is happy?


Agreed. It's interesting to me that the women who are slamming Henry aren't so hot themselves. I think it bugs them that Henry can still attract younger partners despite his age and size, whereas they can't do the same.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 90
Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/13/2018 11:52:59 AM

Men, in general, are attracted to younger women. It doesn't have anything to do with maturity. It's biological. Why is it better for a man to date someone the exact same age if he's happy dating someone younger and his partner is happy?


- sure.......I prefer women around 45, lol Wow, I'm such a cradle robber, lol

I'd date younger in age primarily to widen my dating pool, if I could..........but to be honest, at some point, young women start looking like kids to me, and I like a mature woman I can have a conversation with! Wow, I must be the first man in history to say that, lol

Also, even if a mature man does land a much younger woman, there might be another problem......... youth equals beauty, so guess which one is more likely to have the upper hand in the relationship? Things for Chester the molester might not be as rosy as they appear on the outside!
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 91
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/13/2018 3:01:19 PM

But the reality is, mating is way easier for people/animals who are more "in shape" VS "out of shape".

The reality for out-of-shape animals is usually 'dead'.

I'm not saying that if someone is in shape (great physical condition) then they aren't hot.
I'm saying that physical beauty (for men, too) is not the ONLY determinate of attractiveness.


True, but a single criteria can nix you from being attractive among much of the masses.

But I don't need 'masses'.
Actually, I'm doing fine with none...


One common example is a gal who becomes ga-ga about, say, "Brad".

That is not intuition.
It's sex hormones.
 dark_n_juju
Joined: 8/30/2017
Msg: 92
Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/13/2018 5:12:39 PM

Men, in general, are attracted to younger women. It doesn't have anything to do with maturity. It's biological. Why is it better for a man to date someone the exact same age if he's happy dating someone younger and his partner is happy?


The majority of the men who approach me in the real world are anywhere from 10 to 25 years younger than my self. Yes, They assume I am close their age or just a bit older. They are often surprised to learn I am close to their mother's age. BUT who wants to date a child younger than MY CHILDREN? I am very comfortable with my age I don't need a younger man in my life to feel youthful.
Can someone tell me the last time you had an intelligent conversation with a kid?
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 93
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/13/2018 7:50:09 PM

Can someone tell me the last time you had an intelligent conversation with a kid?


I have noticed that some younger guys talk like girls. The skinny jeans must be squeezing their nuts...




I have 'My Sweet Sweet Baby.' I will check out 'I Worship You Baby.' Thanks cooldog!


I just discovered their compilation on Spotify. Search for The Glories and under albums is Soul Legend. It has their entire output of 15 songs. I own the Japan only issue of the CD that has 17 tracks (2 versions of 2 tracks are the extras).
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 94
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/13/2018 7:59:58 PM
Henry attracts younger women? Not my impression. He would have to be spending money and dancing attendance for sure..
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 95
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/13/2018 11:48:36 PM
If Henry was ever able to attract younger women, that moment in time is long gone. What was it you said about Henry, whiterose, that being fat can be overcome if the person had a good personality? Nice slam, whiterose, aka, HS. I had a 52 year old guy ask me out today. He said I didn't look my age, and that I look younger than he does. I met a 56 year old guy at a New Year's Eve party. I'm not looking to necessarily go out with anyone younger than me, but that's who asks me out. It's a hard life being stuck dating younger guys☺
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 96
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/14/2018 3:52:57 AM

There are more than a few 300 pound women needs all the attention she can get. OR hell the 500 pound chick.
Go for what you know.



Lower my standards................................. I call that throwing them out.


And, this is why you don't succeed in the dating world. It isn't lowering your standards to date a women who is fat.


If I resorted to that, I might as well offer up my entire life, what I did, all of my personal belongs to the first person that comes along.


If that were so, hot, slender, younger women would be following you in droves. Why do you assume that fat women want your possessions? Don't they have their own? Or, is this your fat phobia?


No. Just no. I'm not that lonely. (Or that stupid)


No, you just 'gave up,' because the more attractive women didn't return your interest. Spite yourself, but don't blame your datelessness on anybody else but yourself.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 97
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/14/2018 4:11:58 AM
If a man is 65+, a woman 50+ compared to his chronological age is considered consirably younger. Today's 50-year-old women are hotter and sexier if they have a great outlook, don't settle for "low-hanging fruit," are relatively in shape with a pleasing appearance, and have a good disposition. She, to0, is well within her right and power to find somebody of her caliber.

If what you what you (you, generically) mean by younger and hotter is somebody in their 20s and 30s, I don't see how somebody my age and younger would find a considerably older man in bad shape, fretful, broke, and whose living situation is unstable, attractive at all. If he's relatively popular, in moderately good shape (sometimes fatness can be overlooked by extreme generosity), monied, generous, travelled, and interesting, he will get the younger ladies; but, that generally doesn't last, either, if his superficility is met with her superficiality. She may later find that somebody seven years old than her is better than dealing with an old fart 30 years her seniora a more exciting prospective.

It's not anybody's job to ensure broken, older, cheap men have dates, no more than fat phobics are required to ensure fat people are dated.
 dark_n_juju
Joined: 8/30/2017
Msg: 98
Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/14/2018 5:18:47 AM

--- Furthermore, sometimes you get less than "Hi", or "Hello" ........in the cases where the woman writes to the man first! In those cases, you got zero opening message, the girl did it instead.

And the whole, "read my profile" is another thing I hate to hear............people, both men and women, are reading multiple profiles, not just yours, and it's not reasonable to expect men or women to memorize your profile at first glance. Dating is a process of discovery and getting to know people.

Sorry, but the whole world does not revolve around high maintenance people.


If I am high maintenance because I expect a man to bring so much more to the table than a penis then sue me. I BRING SO MUCH MORE THAN BOOBS. So much more. And Why would I need to come online if all I was looking for was a warm body with a penis since when I walk to get my lunch men follow me down the street and give me their number? Or when I am in the grocery store MEN follow me around asking for my number. OR when I am headed to my office MEN stop me and ask for my number. HELLO, I HAVE HAD MEN ASK FOR MY NUMBER AT TRAFFIC LIGHTS. So you will forgive me IF BEING MALE AND INTERESTED is not enough. Sorry. It is hard work to across from a guy YOU have no interest in and who is dull as dishwater and EAT THE FREE FOOD. IT is not worth it. I am a divorced woman on the tail ended of her good looks and I would like to use these looks to find a HUSBAND who will be around when his wife isnt the hottest 80 year old in the retirement home. I really am sorry if you have to be more than interested and male because most men do not get you are at the end of a long line of interested males. I come here to find the guy who is special, different, unique who is a good match for me.


he skinny jeans must be squeezing their nuts...

I like guys in skinny jeans.



And, this is why you don't succeed in the dating world. It isn't lowering your standards to date a women who is fat.

flowersinthelake I am so sorry. AND YOU ARE SO RIGHT. I apologize. What I should have said WAS open your option, EXPAND your narrow view of beauty.


No, you just 'gave up,' because the more attractive women didn't return your interest. Spite yourself, but don't blame your datelessness on anybody else but yourself

My point exactly.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 99
Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/14/2018 5:39:34 AM
I understand you need to be selective, dark_n_juju, there are lots of undesirables out there, and it's hard to find a gentleman in today's world. I'm just sayin' don't discount them because of one first short message........have a conversation and get to know them. Don't prejudge.


Can someone tell me the last time you had an intelligent conversation with a kid?


- that's what i'm sayin'
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 100
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Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/14/2018 5:42:00 AM
Why a young guy might have a bit of a challenge is understandable. Pickings are kinda slim; they aren't up on all of the tricks of the trade; they are just getting their career started or what have you. By the time a man is 45 or certainly by 50, getting rid of the left over women should be the big problem.

*It's not anybody's job to ensure broken, older, cheap men have dates

Except their own if they so choose. Still, these guys shouldn't have much difficulty either. If they do then there is something else going on.
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