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 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 51
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Do nice guys finish last?Page 3 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
^^^^I'm not entirely sure what you're saying. What I will say about a woman being called too nice, it could be the guy thinks she'll think sex with him means a relationship, and he'd rather just have noncommittal sex. I would say that man is being nice. There are plenty of men that get hurt by thinking sex means a relationship.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 52
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/3/2018 10:08:50 AM

Yeah, I've gotten the "nice girl" label a few times. A couple guys basically told me that I'm too nice of a person to just sleep with, they told me they are not looking for something serious and don't want to hurt my feelings. To me that translated to I'm boring and not attractive. Its a real kick in the teeth to be told I'm too nice.


He's telling you that you've made it obvious that you are (1) looking for a serious, long-term relationship, (2) equate sex with a relationship, and (3) he doesn't want a relationship with you.
 dinno76
Joined: 7/13/2018
Msg: 53
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/3/2018 4:18:54 PM
Nice guys are really bad guys in disguise.Which makes them dishonest.Bad guys are not trying to disguise that they are bad. Which makes them honest.Why would any women want to date a dishonest guy? Stick to the honest guy.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 54
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/3/2018 5:04:17 PM

He's telling you that you've made it obvious that you are (1) looking for a serious, long-term relationship, (2) equate sex with a relationship, and (3) he doesn't want a relationship with you.


Well that is dumb because I made it clear I wasn't looking for a relationship. I know I might give off a certain image though. I think until this year I would never have even considered the idea of sex without a relationship but now I'm trying to be a different girl, a little more free and I'm having a really hard time convincing anyone of that. It feels like I have the label of "relationship girl" but I'm trying to be "nonrelationship girl". Cause I don't have any hope that anyone is going to want me for a relationship. I just want to live a little and experience things a little more.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 55
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/3/2018 5:29:17 PM
July Storm writes,,,
I know I might give off a certain image though. I think until this year I would never have even considered the idea of sex without a relationship but now I'm trying to be a different girl, a little more free and I'm having a really hard time convincing anyone of that.

you have a look that is what wold say is Girl Next Door. Most men will thing settle down.
Be safe in your selection of partners, and use birth control, or ya will be in a pickle.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 56
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/3/2018 5:38:06 PM
There aren't any single dads around? Ditto what TXchick said about being cautious.

 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 57
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/3/2018 6:15:00 PM
Oh, I'm definitely cautious.

Regarding single dads, I've actually messaged a couple ( I rarely message anyone) but it seems that single dads avoid dating single moms. I only seem to get interest from guys that don't have kids.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 58
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/3/2018 7:34:07 PM
For messing around, you don't need a single dad, but someone like that could be a keeper. The other aspect is that he's been with one woman a while, so hopefully less of a chance of having diseases. That's too bad about the dads not being available, but that's okay. I'd still keep an eye out for dads to peruse.

Trying a psychological experiment by not having a pic?:)
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 59
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/3/2018 7:49:12 PM

He's not keeping a seat warm for her but won't say "no" if he's available and she ever follows though on an offer. It's pretty much turned into a game. He just sits back and watches it play out.

He Has been keeping the seat warm. Not saying "no" to a hottie he's always wanted, while also giving her offers she'll always refuse -- is keeping the seat Damn warm, my friend. He wasn't just merely sitting back this whole time. :) If he can't realize that, that's a problem he needs to resolve as it points to blind issues with gals.

I told her to be honest as we started the conversation. I let her know that I didn't care if she told me she's not into me. No need to sugar coat it. I also told her to tell me if there is something about me she doesn't like. Maybe something that I don't see and I can correct it. Not for her, but for myself to be a better person.

But what this does is reinforce Mr Nice Guy, though.

She told me a number of times that it's not me. It's her

It's BS. Her saying it convincingly doesn't cut it. It's common for gals like her who are especially harder to get by guys who can exude a Mr Nice Guy vibe.

The word a lot of woman use when they describe me is sweet. I'm really nice to them. I'm not an ***hole to people unless I need to be which is extremely rare.

There's a difference between being generally nice to people -- and being Mr Nice Guy. It's a character type -- someone we'd cast in a movie. Comes in different degrees, and certain girls will pick up on it (or not pick up on it) in different ways. None of this is about being an a-hole, of course.

I can make anything sound dirty and sex is important to me but that comes with time. There has been times when it happened on the first or second date but I don't mind getting to know a woman and letting things fall into place as she feels comfortable.

You say that as if a girl who you could be going out on a date with is reading this. :)

Look, I'm not saying you're in position to win Mr Nice Guy of the year by any means. You could be higher than I'd presume, or lower. Don't know. But you certainly can give off that vibe by what you've presented and how you did. It's Not the lack of being a Jerk. It's different than that. It's a certain classification under non-jerks.

To be fair, many guys can be Like Mr Nice Guy when they feel a gal's slipping away and are trying to win her (back) over. Not ideal unless it's an established GF or you've been Dating a Long time without a label.

But Mr Nice Guy (when it comes to dating in general) is not going to be merely non-jerk. He's going to come across as if he was already dating her for a bit, felt she was losing interest, and reactively trying to win her over again -- on the 1st dates. It's natural to him; no scheme, no plan. It's how he is.

While that may or may not be caked on so thick by a Mr Nice Guy, he's going to be solidly more hesitant than your average Joe on making physical moves on a gal. He's more like a school instructional video on how to be polite to a girl and not make sexual-related moves "early" when "early" isn't all That early IRL -- but he has the mentality that seemingly good girls would be flabbergasted at a guy wanting to get to 2nd base by date #3.

If it REALLY was due to her situation and pretty much only that, and she Was into you after 3 weeks -- it would NOT have gone down like that. :) She would have brought up the concern, first... then, if the guy didn't diffuse that issue, yeah she may have then wanted to end it at some point (which at That point could still be diffusable). You REALLY think she's not going to go on any dates with other guys for a year or so? LOL. It's lack of interest.

Here's what a Non Mr Nice Guy (but not a jerk) would say, in positive spirits, which would make her question it, on the phone:

"I'm glad you brought this up. And look, I understand you were going thru some stuff, and I'm sure thoughts have been running thru your mind about a lot of things. And I'm not being a jerk or angry (half-chuckle), but, I gotta call BS on your sole reason, sorry.

It's not about you moving in about a year or so. So for a year or so, you're not going to go out on any date with any guy, huh (half-chuckle)? No way you'd have any string of dates with any guy? Of course that's BS. Look, it's a lack of interest. You see me as a Mr Nice Guy -- and you may have overblown it, btw -- and that's not what is going to tickle that spark for you. I get it. And maybe you read me wrong that I'm the take-it-or-leave-it type that needs to ride-off-in-the-sunset with a girl I may date. I'm not.

But I have really liked ya. And don't worry, we're cool. But just a word of the wise: The next guy you end up having a string of dates with and aren't quite "feeling it" with -- don't bring up a moving thing that's about a year or more away as your sole 'reason' out of the blue. Seriously (half-chuckle)."
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/3/2018 10:23:50 PM
/\/\/\/\/\

A few days before she left we made plans for me to pick her up from the airport when she got back then goto her house to make dinner together. She went from being into me to distant in a mater of days. Then she sent this message while she was away -

I wanted to talk to you about us, but know your kids are there, so its hard. I can call you when i get home. I really enjoyed our time together. I will call you Wed.
>>

That's when I found that I didn't have to keep Tuesday evening open for her. I replied telling her my kids weren't with me. Her reply to that was she'd call me Wednesday. That was messed up. She was ready to call and then no. So I had a little fun with it. I sent this message the day she returned -

I want to let you know that I understand conversations like this can sometimes be awkward. We’ve been talking/going out for a few weeks but it seems like much longer. We get along great so I can understand that you probably have strong feelings for me but don’t know if you should say anything because you don’t know how I feel about you. Just go for it and see what happens 🙂

I noticed her profile is deleted. I believe I'd still be able to see our messages on here if it was just hidden. That's another thing, she told me she hid her profile while we were on our second date. She beat me to it. I was going to tell her that I wanted to focus on getting to know her so I was going to hide mine. I've learned to not delete my profile incase things don't work out. Just takes one click to get back into the action.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 61
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/3/2018 11:04:27 PM
Are you saying it ended this way because you were a nice guy? Being nice is no guarantee something will work.
She could have blocked you. If you want to check, message me with her user name:)
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/4/2018 7:36:20 AM

Are you saying it ended this way because you were a nice guy? Being nice is no guarantee something will work.
She could have blocked you. If you want to check, message me with her user name:)


Kind of. My original question came from my experiences and things that I've seen over the years. This woman would give me tons of compliments then she was off like a light at the end. Maybe the situation she told me about is true. We talked about her Mom not doing well and her elderly Dad doing it all on his own. That was before she left. From our conversation at the end, she feels she might have to move down there to help him. I suggested we continue to spend time together. She said she wasn't into the casual thing. Prefers all or nothing. That's when she said she probably would've continued with us if I wasn't as nice as I am. I deserve better so she doesn't want me (or her) to get hurt. It's like I'm to good to go out with incase she ends up moving but if I was kind of a jerk I'd still good enough to spend time with. She would have went with it and not care as much when it came time to end it a year from now. Looking at it from the other side, I can kind of see that. I've dated people for an extended period of time. I enjoyed being with them but didn't care when we stopped going out. And then there are the few that I really cared about so it was harder when things didn't work out.

Thanks for the offer! I presumed she deleted her profile because our messages are gone. I can still see the messages from women before and after her. I checked to see if I can see her profile while signed in after I read your post. It's still there. Strange...
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 63
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/4/2018 7:39:54 AM
Why would single dads avoid dating single mums, that's kinda messed up?
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/4/2018 8:02:04 AM

Why would single dads avoid dating single mums, that's kinda messed up?


I find it hard to date single Moms if the kid's Dad isn't active in their lives. Especially if they are young. The women have to find a sitter instead of knowing they will be free to go out when the kids will be with their Dad.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 65
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/4/2018 11:22:56 AM
July...

Cause I don't have any hope that anyone is going to want me for a relationship.

Ouch!
Maybe it's your desperation they're avoiding.
If it's just sex you're looking for - find a guy in your area who you think is attractive.
Email him a note that you'd like to have sex with him but nothing else... you're too busy for all that stuff.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 66
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/4/2018 12:22:31 PM
Maybe she should consider getting a job as an escort. That way, she can get all of the sex she desires, make some extra money, and not worry about the lack of a relationship.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 67
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/4/2018 12:56:06 PM
^ are you braindead? (Something you had asked me before)
July lives in a very small, rural town where everyone knows everyone else's business. That wouldn't fare well for her or her children.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 68
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Posted: 8/4/2018 2:12:43 PM
I don't want just sex. I'm just being realistic in saying as a 35-year-old single mother of three young kids who works all the time, is broke, has no financial support from the father, lives with her mother and is only of average looks, I'm not someone who is likely to find a boyfriend unless I settle for someone I am not attracted to. So I'm determined to just enjoy temporary flings. Not interested in casual sex with strangers. I just want to enjoy getting to know a guy, getting to be with him a few times and enjoy some temporary happiness until he dumps me or ghosts me.

And no, I do not reveal how I feel to any guy. I try to act confident, likeable, etc. so I do not come across as desperate. You people in the forums know way more about me because I choose to reveal it.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 69
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/4/2018 2:32:14 PM
^^^
That's a recipe for spending the rest of your life with someone you don't like or respect.
Yourself.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 70
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Posted: 8/4/2018 3:46:29 PM
Endless, my feeling, and I could be wrong, I think she thought the relationship was not working anymore for her for whatever reason. She could have said she has to go out of state, just to let you know, but that didn't have to cut your relationship short before she left. If anything, you'd think she would want to see you more before she left, perhaps keeping in touch. I think she just wanted to end it. Seemingly good relationships end all the time because one person stopped "feeling" it. Many a time, a person doesn't want to put a person down by explaining why they're not interested anymore to mitigate the damage caused by the breakup.

If a person blocks you, it erases the messages.

July, you're not average looking. You're a beautiful woman. Perhaps what you want to do now with men is what you did with the ex, which is why you never loved him. It's different now that you're doing it with the realization of why. Also realize you can still get attached to someone you see casually, which won't be love. All of this is okay when entering into the relationships with your eyes wide open.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 71
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/4/2018 4:14:10 PM
It comes down to "there's plenty of fish in the sea." I get how Endless feels though. When you meet someone you can really see yourself with and they don't return the feelings it hurts. Especially when you've gotten past that first phase. You spend forever analyzing it and wondering if there is anything you could have done differently. It becomes "that one that got away" that you talk and think about often.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 72
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The notion of nice guys is cheap, paperback fiction.
Posted: 8/4/2018 4:24:45 PM
PennyAnte wrote:

I have no stats but it has been my observation ………………………………….It is not about the man as much as it is about the woman herself...…………………………….trauma of some kind that is unresolved.



From beginning to end what Pennyante wrote. Absolutely.


As adults we are drawn to, what seems most familiar...………...what is "normal" to us. Regardless of how unhealthy these relationships are, they feel "Comfortable". If there are unresolved issues, we seek partners to relive what we know. We seek to "fix" the past.

Most people are completely unaware of "history repeating itself." OR they believe they can change THEM (the other person) They will sabotage "good" if it feels "Too good to be true".

Only when one seeks to change their situation, by changing themselves, can they stop the cycle...…………….becoming self confident, gaining healthy self worth, learn to love themselves...…………..BE the person they seek, …………..finding/being with a "Nice guy/Nice gal", will be a priority. "Nice" being respectful, caring, …………….good attributes, …………….Not sappy nice/ clingy nice
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 73
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The notion of nice guys is cheap, paperback fiction.
Posted: 8/4/2018 4:55:49 PM
^Thing is the clingy nice hides with the other people confuse the 2 as they don't identify certain things that don't ring true about the nice clingy guy. He is quick judge and insult others where as the true nice can't be bothered to say a bad thing cause they don't know them and wouldn't want. Where as the clingy insults, and compares even shows jealousy in their words and they actually believe they are nice.

Thing is nice is better to say nothing than say anything at all.

Nice is not I do for your and you have to do for me or I use it as ammo on you. Nice is sure I can drop that off on my way by cause they think why not I am going that way. They don't ask you for something in return unless it was pre-arranged like you paying them the money for it.

The ideology with these people is they actually believe manipulative, deceitful, coercive, guilt tripping behaviour is nice. You got others agreeing this is a nice person no the person is about rain abuse on your a$$. I caught that when jealousy and insults came out in the OP oh yeah all you need now to grab her arm and ask her what she thinks she is doing.

1. Red flag - insult derogatory to someone else
2. Red flag - Jealousy towards the guy she wants like you are somehow better than that guy you don't even know. Not to mention you insulted her interest which is more than enough.
3. Red Flag - She gets whatever she deserves type behaviour by saying she shouldn't complain ?<--- seriously inflicting pain for a mistake is okay somehow.

Real nice guy you are.... Too nice yeah right your not nice at all. You think their not easily spotted I can do that all day long.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 74
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/5/2018 2:21:38 AM

That's when I found that I didn't have to keep Tuesday evening open for her. I replied telling her my kids weren't with me. Her reply to that was she'd call me Wednesday. That was messed up.

Again -- she Lost Interest. It has NOTHING to do that she May be leaving in a year. You want to believe what she's saying. You shouldn't. You should feel better seeing the Actual Light. :)

It's painstakingly Obvious that if she had Sufficient Interest in you, she wouldn't just be like that. Period. She was looking for an excuse. She's not going to be date-free for the better part of year, or over a year. She knows that. You need to know that. She was giving you BS. She had a situation going on in her life, and she latched onto that as a "real" reason. She went back home, and her mentality changed on a dime. Likely another guy from back home into play who she knew from years past who hollowed her out, but not required. In the end, it's NOT NOT NOT about her thinking of moving back home in ~year, FFS. Why would it be? That would mean she's not going to be going out with any guys for ~year. Preposterous! The closest thing to that being the truth is that she meshed with a guy when back home, and figured she'd move back sometime in the not-tooo-distant future -- and wanted to not waste her time with a guy she's Not that into, where she lives now (you).

She. Lost. Interest. Period.

I noticed her profile is deleted. I believe I'd still be able to see our messages on here if it was just hidden.

Yes. A hidden profile means it doesn't come up in searches or thumbnails.

I presumed she deleted her profile because our messages are gone. I can still see the messages from women before and after her. I checked to see if I can see her profile while signed in after I read your post. It's still there. Strange...

She blocked you. Let that be a sign to Wake Up, if her being weird when coming back from her parental trip didn't turn on the light bulb of the real reason she wanted to Cut. It. Off.

I suggested we continue to spend time together. She said she wasn't into the casual thing. Prefers all or nothing.

That's BS. Especially from a gal who admits that she'd be getting her puzzy pounded by a "jerk", if you were one of those types, and "glad" you're not. Which by the way is kind of misleading. That just makes it sound better -- and to make You feel better. That's not the whole story. Basically, it's that the polar opposite of the "jerk" -- Mr Nice Guy -- doesn't cut it for her. Especially when she has thoughts about her parents going on, etc. She's not in Relationship mode, and Mr Nice Guy vibes put gals in a position to be all-or-nothing with Him. It diminishes interest with girls who aren't set to find "the one" Right Now, nor are truly ga-ga about said guy.


I find it hard to date single Moms if the kid's Dad isn't active in their lives. Especially if they are young. The women have to find a sitter instead of knowing they will be free to go out when the kids will be with their Dad.

I agree. Just because one's a single dad, doesn't mean they, by social "rules", have to bite the bullet to date single moms where the dads aren't in their lives.
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/5/2018 4:26:45 AM

You spend forever analyzing it and wondering if there is anything you could have done differently. It becomes "that one that got away" that you talk and think about often.


You need to get it through your head that they have a pre-written script before they even have met you, with 1001 escapes clauses.

All you can do is change yourself and develop a better picker so you choose more wisely.
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