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 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 101
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Do nice guys finish last?Page 5 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
One thing I've witnessed over the years is that people want what they can't have. Watch a man or woman who is being treated badly or ignored by someone they either are dating or want to date and they will bend over backwards trying to please them. Put up with poor treatment.
How many times in here have we asked people why they are allowing this? I think sometimes this represents a challenge. Nice people aren't a challenge. Just another viewpoint.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 102
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/6/2018 7:57:01 PM
^ good point. A lot of people thrive on drama and conflict. A nice person is "too boring". I've seen women especially trying to change a man like he's a project of some sort. "Taming the beast" so to speak. A good man doesn't present that challenge.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 103
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/6/2018 8:28:28 PM
{A nice person is "too boring". I've seen women especially trying to change a man like he's a project of some sort. "Taming the beast" so to speak. A good man doesn't present that challenge. } and all too often, once tamed, the women has an affair with a different bad boy type. it is one thing to change a little and grow together, becoming someone your not or expecting it from your partner is never going to work! if your going to the country club while he is at a biker rally, maybe you both need new partners but if both like dining out, a compromise on which restaurant might be doable.
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/6/2018 8:47:38 PM

Endless, please reread my message #72 from this thread.
It appears you may have been "Too good to be true".
That is not to be interpreted as a bad thing. You seem to be a "good guy", so don't change.
A woman who has unresolved issues (suffered abuse of any kind) from the past seeks to keep things familiar / comfortable. She knows nothing else. A woman who is given the opportunity to experience a healthy relationship, can only do so IF she feels she is worthy of such.

Didn't she say, you were too good for her?


Thanks! She said I was nice and didn't deserve to be hurt if we continued to go out and then she had to move to FL. Good points in that post!


I think it's a matter of people keeping up appearances until they decide they don't want to continue the relationship. My last dates with men generally are good dates before I pull the plug. It wasn't about the date itself, but feeling I'm not going to mesh with the person long term. Just the same after going on one date. The guy can think it went well, we had fun, but then something didn't click for me. I wouldn't think much of what may seem like a reversal of feelings.


I've done the same on first dates when I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere. We would have dinner and great conversation all night. Then one of us looks up to realize we're the last customers in the restaurant. No connection but I made the most of the night.


One thing I've witnessed over the years is that people want what they can't have. Watch a man or woman who is being treated badly or ignored by someone they either are dating or want to date and they will bend over backwards trying to please them. Put up with poor treatment.
How many times in here have we asked people why they are allowing this? I think sometimes this represents a challenge. Nice people aren't a challenge. Just another viewpoint.


Good point! And then they aren't interested in that person after they get them because the challenge is over. The friend that I mentioned at the beginning of this thread, he might not hear from the woman he was interested in for a couple of weeks. Then she would find out he's dating someone. He'd notice she'd contact him a lot after that. Then it would drift off if he was single. They've been friends for years so he didn't take it any further than that when he wasn't available.
 patchmanjoker
Joined: 7/28/2017
Msg: 105
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/6/2018 9:58:33 PM
If a person does not like someone because they are not enough of a challenge then that person has some issues. If you look at many profiles of women on these sites you will see "I want no more drama", "tired of jerks", so on and so forth. Which is it? Do women want character and loyalty or drama? Most men who have character will not make drama just to create a soap opera for entertainment purposes. The problem is that many women may want the challenge but when they really start to fall for a guy, they then want him to all of the sudden become stable and loyal. What a crock of sh*t. If there are women who are like that they need more time in therapy before they date. Basically, many of these women are not worth the trouble and will never find happiness. You have to ask yourself, who has the problem, the "nice guy", or the women who actually want drama?
 Tom├ísIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 106
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/7/2018 6:53:48 AM
Taming of the beast only applies to people unhappy with what they actually have. Truth is even when they can't tame and give up trying they move on. The reason is not because of anything about the man it's themselves, you either accept the person for who they are and live with it or you don't. You don't change someone you supposedly care about to be something you want that is not love sorry to break that heart.

Just the same as a nice guy who guilts trip people to get they want same thing their both selfish. Love is not selfish ever when you give it there is no selfish or condition it's selflessness and unconditional. Things you do are unconditional because you want them to be happy that should be returned in kind. They shouldn't ask you to sacrifice for them and give up stuff that is them wanting something that goes against your happiness. No they should accept the fact you do what you do and cherish the time you spend together not demand more for their own selfish whims.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 107
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/7/2018 8:07:38 AM
{you either accept the person for who they are and live with it or you don't. You don't change someone you supposedly care about to be something you want that is not love sorry to break that heart.
They shouldn't ask you to sacrifice for them and give up stuff that is them wanting something that goes against your happiness. No they should accept the fact you do what you do and cherish the time you spend together not demand more for their own selfish whims} I have always felt strongly this way, accept them 'as they are' or move on. this fits my current situation well and is why I consider ending it rather than giving her the option to change.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 108
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/7/2018 10:26:01 AM

It appears you may have been "Too good to be true".


I resemble that remark.
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/7/2018 5:32:21 PM
Something that I didn't mention in this thread. I talked to this woman about two years ago. I realized that when I saw our past conversations pop up under her phone number. We started messaging here in May 2016 then had a great 2 hour phone conversation the next day. We made plans to go out two days later during that conversation. I didn't hear from her the next day and didn't get a reply to my good morning message the day we were supposed to go out. That evening I sent her a message telling her I was going to pass on going out because I haven't heard from her. I also noted that it would have been nice if she let me know she wasn't interested after we talked for 2 hours. Her reply said she couldn't get past the fact that I'm not close to my parents so we wouldn't be a good match. I pointed out that I wish that part of my life was different but it doesn't make me a bad person.

I knew I should have taken that conversation as a sign when I realized it!
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 110
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/7/2018 6:51:43 PM
You had mentioned that once, and that you didn't know if you would remind her that you communicated before. Did she remember?
 dark_n_juju
Joined: 8/30/2017
Msg: 111
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/8/2018 3:06:46 AM

{A nice person is "too boring". I've seen women especially trying to change a man like he's a project of some sort. "Taming the beast" so to speak. A good man doesn't present that challenge. } and all too often, once tamed, the women has an affair with a different bad boy type


Men do the same thing. They attempt to change my views on the world or a subject. It is like I am a remold project. They can't accept who I am. Oh, you should wear this. OR why do you like doing that so much you should want to do this? OR I don't like your friends why don't you hang out with HER instead? OH, you will love such and such if you do it with ME and I explain it to you while we do it. (typically sports)

Nice guys usually are NOT really that nice. And if I am talking to a guy and red flags pop up I note those flags. I would be foolish NOT too. Then I keep it moving. He is a nice guy but has nothing good to say about his ex. Well, guess what he will be saying about me soon. If he isn't close to his family but I am very close to mine how long before that becomes an issue? He does not like something I love then how long before that becomes an issue?

And if you are truly a nice guy why would you not understand a woman doesn't feel the way you do? I can easily have a 2-hour conversation with anyone but doesn't mean I want that person in my life.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 112
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/9/2018 11:24:09 PM
I get told that I am a nice guy a lot. I can tell you that it is true in my experience at least. I cringe when someone tells me that now. It is kind of painful. It is a reminder that I will always be alone, and how much of a broken person I am.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 113
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/10/2018 1:29:21 AM
Basilisk, welcome back. Your mood doesn't sound improved.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 114
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/10/2018 2:43:06 AM
Thanks. It got better, but then I moved in with family that are ideologically incompatible with me so I can get to college. My friends are gone as well. I have not been this isolated in a long time. I have been extremely depressed since I started living here. I am thinking about just disappearing, but I know that I will not be wanted anywhere I go. So I am basically screwed. I have been trying to not consider the easy way out, even though that is difficult at times.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 115
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/10/2018 3:21:46 AM
The last time I mentioned that I was concerned about you, you said I shouldn't be, because your're okay. You don't sound okay. This is too big for any uneducated psychobabble from me. I forget if we touched upon counseling, and if there were any impediments to you going, but really, you should go. It can be a relief just speaking to someone that's a 3rd party that you can trust and reveal your innerself, that will be understanding and not be judgemental. Counseling is a great form of support. You really need someone to talk to, and you may potentially need to be medicated to lift your mood. When these medications work, people feel like they've come out of a fog.
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 116
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/10/2018 11:46:34 AM
*I get told that I am a nice guy a lot. I can tell you that it is true in my experience at least. I cringe when someone tells me that now. It is kind of painful.

Keep it in perspective. The Hall of Fame manager, Leo Durocher, said, "Nice guys finish last" about baseball not life. Don't be ashamed of it. Virtue is a good thing. There is at least one person here who is happy to see you and is interested in your well being.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 117
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/10/2018 2:11:56 PM
Welcome back, Basilisk. It is good to see you posting again. I am glad you are here. :-)
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/10/2018 9:17:53 PM

You had mentioned that once, and that you didn't know if you would remind her that you communicated before. Did she remember?


Ahh... I can finally post in this thread again. The 2 out of 10 posts thing is a PITA!

I was going to mention it to her at some point but didn't have enough dates to do it. She never said anything so I don't think she remembered.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 119
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/10/2018 9:41:35 PM

Ahh... I can finally post in this thread again. The 2 out of 10 posts thing is a PITA!

Endless, there is a work-around for this. Copy/paste the error message you get ('since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours' etc) onto the end of your post, and your post will publish.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 120
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/10/2018 10:45:58 PM
To follow up with what Sun said, copy the message, then hit back to get to your message, paste it in, then hit reply again and it will post. Some people edit after posting to remove that wording.

In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread. Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread.
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/11/2018 7:00:19 AM
Thanks for the info! I've wondered why I see that in some posts.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 122
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/11/2018 7:08:33 AM
In punk rock nice guys finish last

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1nDq1HoNm-E
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 123
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/11/2018 8:02:31 AM
So that's why everyone posts that. I had long wondered. This forum is often not active enough to only allow 2 of last 10 posts.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 124
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/11/2018 8:57:05 AM
^ ^ ^ From the days of rules and mods.
You haven't noticed some of us add our own "comeback" to those 2 lines?
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 125
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Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/11/2018 8:57:29 AM
I'll try another.

LoL silly POF, I try to make it scold me and it looks the other way!
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