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 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 301
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Not looking for hookups anymorePage 13 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
I have a brother who was on the good-looking side and a good hockey player and most hockey players in school could get laid easily if they wanted and he definitely could have. He had a girlfriend in high school though who was saving herself for marriage so he never had sex. They broke up shortly after high school graduation and his next girlfriend who ended up becoming his wife, was his first. A lot of people would be shocked to know that at age 30 he has only been with one woman. Heck, even I was shocked when I found out a few years ago.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 302
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Posted: 10/23/2018 6:59:37 AM
Well at least she knows shes the best hes ever had.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 303
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Posted: 10/23/2018 11:17:41 AM
Many studies confirm male average in Aus to be 18 and female average to be 8.
From my own dating experience of men around my age there are 4 groups of men.
The way less than avg sex partners group/cuck dudes, who have slept with 0-2 people.
The less than avg group, who slept with 3-10.
The actually-trying-to-get-sex group, who have sleot with 15-25.
The hornbags/players who have slept with 30+.
To determine the classification of the numbers inbetween classifications, if depends on what a majority of the numbers were aka if most sex partners were casual sex/1ns or if they were serious dating but it ended. The former falls inro category more towards above average, while later bumps it to lower categories of less ppl.

The number should be accurate to atleast +-1 especially in lower classes, in higher classifications it could probably be off by 3 and it wouldnt change the category.

Define sheltered?
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 304
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Posted: 10/23/2018 11:24:15 AM

Thus, it's not even close to FWB. Heck, some people who are Friends but with Potential benefits or dating, won't be "eww" about touching them at all, either. Your situation wasn't even close to FWB, if there was no touching + the concept was "eww" in your mind.

Friends with no benefits? lol jk.
Naw probably because I wasn't really into it.
Anyway I have a boyfriend now so none of this fwb rubbish.
Also it is possible to fvck without a load of touching and without kissing.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 305
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Posted: 10/23/2018 1:02:16 PM

They broke up shortly after high school graduation and his next girlfriend who ended up becoming his wife, was his first. A lot of people would be shocked to know that at age 30 he has only been with one woman.


Less sexual partners is correlated with higher marriage stability & higher sexual satisfaction within those marriages. From my own experience the guys who had less partners/experience, including the guy I'm dating now, were more relationship-minded and serious about me rather than the ones who had higher numbers and just wanted to "have fun". The guy I'm dating now is 31 and had been with one woman before me, a long-term girlfriend. I believe him because of how he interacts with me and he told a group of co-workers & I this when we all ate at IHOP one night after leaving the club. This was before we started dating. It was 6 of us and the topic of sex came up. We all told each-other our number. Mine was the highest, lol.

My ex-fiance, who I was with for 5 years, had only been with one girl prior to me.

Also Sienna, these findings remind me of you and your posts:

https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2012/11/24/more-grim-news-for-carousellers-hoping-to-jump-at-the-last-minute/

http://cdn.freedomainradio.com/FDR_2899_Marriage_Partners_Study.pdf

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2018/10/sexual-partners-and-marital-happiness/573493/
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 306
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Posted: 10/23/2018 4:06:45 PM
First of all, people lie like hell about their sex life. I don’t tend to trust anything people say in that regards, I mean who really knows?

Secondly, I’ve always had this sneaking suspicion that most people (men and women) who have had zero or only one sexual partner are about as attractive as a mud fence. Let’s face it, a really attractive person (male or female) is going to have so many opportunities it’s hard to imagine that they would turn down ALL offers. But hey, what do I know?
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 307
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Posted: 10/23/2018 4:25:11 PM
It is possible they were in a very longterm relationship and only had one partner. Some people only sleep with someone after they've been in a relationship a lengthier time.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 308
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Posted: 10/24/2018 6:43:46 AM

Many studies confirm male average in Aus to be 18 and female average to be 8.

As pointed out earlier, these studies aren't necessarily the gospel. I pointed out some possible flaws in these studies on the "Lack of sexual experience. It is a turn off?" thread. See post 84.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 309
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Posted: 10/24/2018 9:00:30 AM
Exactly siissa.
Another thing is the persons number of 1ns, booty calls and fwb are correlated with psychopathy and narcissism personality traits (in the dark triad).
Since they have higher narcissism and psychopathy, narcissism and psychopathy is further correlated to being willing to cheat on a long term partner and more risky when it comes to if they will be caught from cheating.
Adams H. M. et al. (2014). Risky business: Willingness to be caught in an extra-pair relationship, relationship experience, and the Dark Triad. Personality and Individual Differences, 66, 204-207.

Men that have more short-term sexual partners give more attention to attractive alternatives and evaluate these individuals more positively. This has further been found to predict infidelity.
McNulty, J. K., Meltzer, A. L., Makhanova, A., & Maner, J. K. (2018). Attentional and evaluative biases help people maintain relationships by avoiding infidelity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 115(1), 76-95.
http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000127
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 310
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Posted: 10/24/2018 9:03:32 AM
..................................
...................
duplicate post
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 311
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Posted: 10/24/2018 9:04:14 AM

Less sexual partners is correlated with higher marriage stability & higher sexual satisfaction within those marriages. From my own experience the guys who had less partners/experience, including the guy I'm dating now, were more relationship-minded and serious about me rather than the ones who had higher numbers and just wanted to "have fun".


- I agree
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 312
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Posted: 10/24/2018 9:43:53 AM

As pointed out earlier, these studies aren't necessarily the gospel. I pointed out some possible flaws in these studies on the "Lack of sexual experience. It is a turn off?" thread. See post 84.

Maybe so but the research studies in my last post are not subject to these kinds of biases and statistic issues. The implications are more substantial in the two I just mentioned anyway.

That is, for me personally it means that dudes that want/ed to date me that had a lot of 1ns, booty calls or fwb experiences are probably more narcissistic and psychopathic and more likely to cheat. As the evidence suggests. Eww lol.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 313
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Posted: 10/24/2018 5:34:57 PM
Nope, they're subject to totally different biases and statistical issues.
As your cherry picked evidence suggest.

Why bother trying to justify your choices?
Simply choose them because you want to believe these studies (but not those studies) that confirm your opinions.
Choose men with a certain number of previous partners and neither more nor less.
Contrary to popular opinion (at least here in the forums), you don't have to justify your choices.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 314
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Posted: 10/24/2018 8:19:53 PM
For the sake of argument, even if people are being honest with the number of sex partners they had, I still wouldn't generalize that people with more sex partners are more likely to cheat based on cherrypicked studies. Some men might have relatively few sexual partners because they weren't good looking, were socially awkward, had limited opportunities based on geography or demographics etc. Not because they weren't interested in casual sex.

There can also be many other variables and reasons that cause people to cheat that aren't necessarily dependent on the amount of previous sex partners. Including feeling lonely/neglected/bored, having very little or no sex with your current partner, being angry with your current partner, ego boost / desire to feel special or important etc.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 315
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Posted: 10/25/2018 8:19:01 AM
On the other hand... Sienna, you ARE the age of many of these studies (college-age), so perhaps they are more applicable to you.

I'm way past college-age and generally don't bother asking how many ex-sex-partners a person has.
Different lives, different experiences, different expectations.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 316
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Posted: 10/25/2018 9:04:14 AM
For the Risky business Dark triad article:
ranging in age from 18 to 68 years old (M = 33.57, SD = 11.37). Meaning mean/average age was 33.57 with a standard deviation of 11.5. This means that 33.57 to 44.94 years (M to M+1SD) account for 34.1% of participants which is a large percent.
22 to 22.07 years (M-1 SD to M) account for 34.1% of participants, which is also large.
In terms of those above 44, 15.8% participants were above 44.94 years old, so yes it is more generalisable to those within -1SD to 1SD. Aka more generalisable to the 22.07 to 44.94 year olds, as they make up 68.2%.
Even more generalisable to -2 SD to 2 SD, aka 18 to 56.44 as they account for 95.4%.
Therefore this research has the most satisfactory external validity for people aged between 18 to 56.44.
Yeah also they did not control for age, so not only was there an unrepresentitive sample for over 45 due to low numbers, they also did not do correlations tests for age. Age may be a mediating or extraneous factor affecting relationship experience and cheating risk detection tolerance in relation to dark triad traits.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 317
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Posted: 10/25/2018 9:28:28 AM
Another study found the number
of previous sexual partners is negatively associated with the quality of sex, communication and relationship stability.
Busby, D. M., Willoughby, B. J., & Carroll, J. S. (2013). Sowing wild oats: Valuable experience or a field full of weeds? Personal Relationships, 20(4), 706-718.
http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/pere.12009

Also I wouldn't say I'm cherry pocking, these are just newer studies.

Also the dark triad study was looking at risk detection tollerance, not actual cheating numbers.
As in they asked them on a scale of 1-10 what is an acceptable risk you would cheat on a long term partner for a 1ns, booty call, fwb or another serious partner.
They recorded amount of sexual partners though and scores for dark triad traits (3 of them).
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 318
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Posted: 10/25/2018 1:11:48 PM

Friends with no benefits? lol jk.

Yes, your story was that. You weren't FWB -- you yourself were just being what some would call "a tease". FWB requires physically following-thru on that, of course. But as you say, you're not into FWB.

Your attitude/POV/mentality kind of reminds me of an old friend's older sister, a successful lawyer and all, and on the surface was a great catch. But she got screwed over by a guy she was dating back in the past -- and took it out on other guys she wasn't in a Relationship with. Apparently f-ing with other guys gave her a feeling of power after being on the wrong side of the field in the past. She clearly had some mental/emotional problems, that her bro clarified.

Less sexual partners is correlated with higher marriage stability & higher sexual satisfaction within those marriages.

That's believable of course. It becomes a bigger deal. Of course, one could also say one who's emotionally content but more of a homebody would have the same correlation. I would also say there's also a correlation to the types of guys you point out, and those having a higher propensity to being "yes men" to a gal, too. Much like if a gal is out of a guy's league, there's a stronger chance he'd be a "yes man" as well. And those who grew up in a small town and wants to and does stay in said small town, another correlation to it, too.

But of course, correlation doesn't equal causation.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 319
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Posted: 10/26/2018 9:22:21 AM

Yes, your story was that. You weren't FWB -- you yourself were just being what some would call "a tease". FWB requires physically following-thru on that, of course. But as you say, you're not into FWB.

How is having sex with the dude being a tease? LOL what. Still had sex so it's FWB. Said guy is my best friend though so it was fwb.


Your attitude/POV/mentality kind of reminds me of an old friend's older sister... took it out on other guys she wasn't in a Relationship with. Apparently f-ing with other guys gave her a feeling of power after being on the wrong side of the field in the past.

Nahh I dunno, define '
f-ing with other guys
'?
I just wasn't interested in the fwb situation much, it was kinda pushed onto me. Eventually I just refused it.
It wasn't that I was doing it stupidly thinking I was 1uping men lol.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 320
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Posted: 10/26/2018 10:39:30 AM
I think (suspect strongly) that we’re having a problem with definitions, or meanings.

“I didn’t have sex with that woman.” -- we all remember that one.

When SiennaBear says that she did not “touch” her FWB, I’m going to make a wild guess that what she means is “no hand job, no oral, no nothin’”. As in, she just laid there and let him do his thing. Which is, in my opinion, damn poor sex.

To bring back the old cliché,


Sex is like pizza. The worst I ever had was still great!

Or if I might rephrase,


The worst I ever had was still a whole lot better than nothing!
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 321
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Posted: 10/26/2018 1:40:31 PM
Reading this ^ ^ ^ and THAT ^ ^ ^ and THIS, is akin to watching a ping pong game...…………….my eyes hurt.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 322
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Posted: 10/26/2018 5:03:51 PM

How is having sex with the dude being a tease? LOL what. Still had sex so it's FWB. Said guy is my best friend though so it was fwb.

Well, first, you have to be friends to be FWB (sex or not; but almost always it is). You said you wouldn't let him touch you. Putting his penis inside of you, last I checked, Is Touching! :)

Cops: We have a report that you had a physical altercation with Sally on Friday night. Is this true?
Bob: With Sally? No, of course not! I didn't even touch her! She wouldn't let me!
Cops: Okay, to be sure, she didn't want you to touch her, and you didn't even touch her. Is that what you're saying?
Bob: Yes! I had sex with her... but yeah, I didn't even touch her!
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 323
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Posted: 10/27/2018 1:14:28 AM

When SiennaBear says that she did not “touch” her FWB, I’m going to make a wild guess that what she means is “no hand job, no oral

Yes that is what I meant.
Like I didn't sign some sort of waiver that contractually obliges me to service..
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 324
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Posted: 10/30/2018 6:43:32 AM
So much BS in this thread its getting cringey.

All these "studies" Complete BS.

If you do this, then you're like this , if you do that your like that. Complete garbage.
People who have had 1 sexual partner can cheat, Ive seen it. While people who play the field can be faithful when they get serious.

Do whatever the hell you want but just be ready to deal with the consequences. Thats all there is to it.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 325
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Posted: 10/30/2018 1:10:07 PM
^^^^^
Yep. It's called 'being responsible'.



When SiennaBear says that she did not “touch” her FWB, I’m going to make a wild guess that what she means is “no hand job, no oral

Yes that is what I meant.

I thought it was simply childish. Having sex without touching? Then why bother unless it's some sort of power trip?

If you're not into sex (either in general or with a particular person), yet you're still having sex - THAT'S what leads to all those mental problems in the studies you're citing. Once again, it isn't how many partners each of you have had, it's the fact that there's a mental disconnect in having sex with someone you don't particularly want to have sex with.

Sheesh.
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