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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Together for 10+ years and still no cohabitation...cause for concern?      Home login  
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 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 26
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Together for 10+ years and still no cohabitation...cause for concern? Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
"In those 10 years, his ex-girlfriend never wanted to move in with him. "

Why don't people listen/believe what their s/o is telling them?

Why do people believe that if they wait long enough, they can apply enough pressure to force the other person to change their mind?

Both men and women are equally guilty of not listening and/or figuring they can change the other persons mind about how they want to live their life.

If an s/o tells us they want something different than what we want, we need to accept what they want, or move on.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 27
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Together for 10+ years and still no cohabitation...cause for concern?
Posted: 9/27/2018 1:01:37 PM
If he kept asking and she kept saying no...what is the problem?
She was honest.
I think maybe he thought he would wear her down.

I have absolutely no desire to ever live with a significant other
again...so I totally get where she's coming from.

I think there is a thread here about LAT or LTA or whatever it's
called...people who maintain separate residences even though
in every other respect they are committed to each other.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 28
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Together for 10+ years and still no cohabitation...cause for concern?
Posted: 9/27/2018 3:37:00 PM

Re: 3 abortions. Apparently his ex is Catholic & doesn't believe in birth control. My dad has made some pretty suspect choices too in regards to contraceptives because I have a younger sister by his second wife. The 2nd wife told my father she was taking her pills but ended up pregnant.


Um, abortions are way worse ethically than birth control pills...I actually heard that from my grandma's first cousin who is a nun. And most Catholic women in the last 40 years, even the strict ones, have partaked in bc pills. Why did this woman get an abortion? Did she not want to be a mother or did your father not want these babies? I think if she secretly wanted to be a mother, his unwillingness, whether outright or implied, may have been why she didn't want to commit. Or if he was willing to be a father to a baby with her but she didn't see him as a good father for her children, that could be another major reason.

Another question could be: Did she previously live with someone who was awful to live with? I myself lived with someone who was awful to live with and I am going to be extra careful about living with someone else if the possibility comes up.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 29
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Together for 10+ years and still no cohabitation...cause for concern?
Posted: 9/28/2018 7:54:51 AM
There are some things here that just don’t add up. Granted, we know very little, only a very tiny portion of the story, but still…

The biggest completely non-logical part of this is the “3 abortions in 10 years”. The “ex catholic & doesn’t believe in birth control” does not even begin to cover that, not even close. As others have pointed out, abortion is one of the gravest sins to a catholic, or ex catholic, much much worse than birth control. So no, that doesn’t add up, not at all.

The women I have known who had abortions were all affected, quite strongly, by the experience. It tends to leave a really strong, long lasting impression on them, not something that they would be likely to repeat. Ever. A woman who would repeat that experience, not once, but twice, is very likely a person who tends to live completely in the moment. A person who gives no thoughts to the consequences of her actions.

When I was younger, I liked such women. They were absolutely a blast to be around, the life of the party, ready to do anything for a good time. But by the time I was 30 I wised up and started appreciating that there ARE consequences, and being around people who don’t understand that is not a good idea.

You say your father is 56, and the woman in question is quite a bit younger, closer to your age (31). Is she particularly attractive? I get the strong impression that she probably is. I think your father had himself a really good time with a much younger attractive woman, and then lost his head and started wanting “forever” with someone who doesn’t even believe in or understand that term. He should have just enjoyed it for what it was, a fling, a good time.

The danger of having a fling is that you just might lose your heart. Which hurts, but he will live over it.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 30
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Together for 10+ years and still no cohabitation...cause for concern?
Posted: 9/28/2018 8:26:50 AM

I definitely think she was not fully committed to my dad, she was much younger and had 3 abortions in the 10-year period they were a couple. Now I think at least one of those babies may not have been his.


Geez, I didn't see this earlier.
What the hell?
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 31
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Together for 10+ years and still no cohabitation...cause for concern?
Posted: 9/28/2018 9:47:37 AM

The “ex catholic & doesn’t believe in birth control” does not even begin to cover that, not even close. As others have pointed out, abortion is one of the gravest sins to a catholic, or ex catholic, much much worse than birth control. So no, that doesn’t add up, not at all.


One of the many reasons why organized religion and those who follow it are often hypocritical...picking & choosing which principles they want to follow and which ones they want to throw out the window. My ex knew a woman many years ago who was like that as well, didn't believe in birth control but got at least one abortion. She claimed she was Catholic as well.
 Rumours
Joined: 6/4/2018
Msg: 32
Together for 10+ years and still no cohabitation...cause for concern?
Posted: 9/28/2018 9:50:54 AM
Lol...Once again..It seems men are not very choosey as long as they're with a "younger" woman.
The younger woman will only date a much older man because she has issues....and a man her age doesn't want her.
Makes me laugh. I also think...you suffer the consequences of your choices.

Tell your Dad to cut his losses and quit the drama and date a "mature" woman.
And to not date someone that isn't on the same page as him.
Sounds like she's keeping her options open. :(
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 33
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Together for 10+ years and still no cohabitation...cause for concern?
Posted: 9/28/2018 10:17:55 AM
I'm totally pro choice.
Women who use abortion as a form birth control
give ammunition
to the pro life people.


In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread.
Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 34
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Together for 10+ years and still no cohabitation...cause for concern?
Posted: 9/28/2018 3:00:22 PM

browneyesboo
I'm totally pro choice.

As am I. I was just pointing out, in my earlier post, that women who do choose to have an abortion (as is their right) generally have a lot of regrets. Not that they wish they hadn’t had the abortion, but that they had acted more wisely and avoided the situation in the first place. As in, don’t forget the damn pill, don’t skip using the condom just because “he” doesn’t like them, etc, etc.


siisaa
My ex knew a woman many years ago who was like that as well, didn't believe in birth control but got at least one abortion. She claimed she was Catholic as well.

Ah, yes, catholics, very strange religion. Not that other religions aren’t strange, but for some reason catholics do tend to stand out. I have a story about that, us old fogeys have a story about everything (as you may have noticed).

Several years ago I had an initial meeting with a woman. She told me that she hadn’t been on a date in 30 years. I said something like, “Just got out of a long marriage?” She replied, “Yes and no.”

Seems that she was catholic, got married in the church 30 plus years previously. And then shortly thereafter (a year or so?), her husband (who was also catholic) divorced her. She, being a good catholic, didn’t believe in divorce. So in her eyes, and the eyes of the church, and I suppose in the eyes of god, she was married, never mind the legal divorce. Fast forward 30 years, her husband wants to get married, another catholic woman, and this new bride wants a church wedding. So her (ex) husband forks over some moola, and the church grants him an annulment. Does this sound like some people are still living in the middle ages or what?

That was one of those occasions where I had a hard time being polite, sticking around for the minimum 30 minutes that I consider reasonable for an initial meeting.
 HUMHUMA
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 35
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Together for 10+ years and still no cohabitation...cause for concern?
Posted: 10/17/2018 3:30:13 AM
Yep...I have dated a woman that figured the same....can be monogamous and would appreciate that from her also during a relationship but won't live together specially after a divorce and starting over....nothing with trusting but just a fobia….lol
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 36
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Together for 10+ years and still no cohabitation...cause for concern?
Posted: 10/18/2018 11:09:09 AM
In ten years, it sounds like the woman came off as rather unable to take simple responsibilities. If so, the man is lucky he was able to get what he could out of the relationship, and not get hit with any co-habiting laws (don't know what they are in LA). of course, she could have her side of the story, as well. out here, a "serial monogamist" is a person who sleeps with many people, but does it one at a time so they can claim to be monogamist. maybe she thought he was clingly. who knows. whatever happened or didn't happen in his relationships, doesn't bear upon your own. you get to decide to love or relate to other human beings in ways you saw/didn't see your parents do.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Together for 10+ years and still no cohabitation...cause for concern?