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 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 26
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

I'm not sure it's isolation but I do know with
instant access to anything any time it's made
people much pickier and more willing to die waiting for the
next best thing!


Great points!

If somebody has an exceedingly high set of expectations and they're too out of touch to see where they actually fit in, how could the person facing the rejection from Mr. or Ms. Fantastyland take it personally? It doesn't serve anybody well to take these things personally.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 27
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 9/30/2018 6:14:05 AM


Welcome to GuyWorld.


The man in "GuyWorld" often complain about dateless lives because YOUNGER women aren't interested in dating them. There are women their age who are available, but they refuse them, citing "too much baggage" and not "sexually exciting." That's their own, damned fault.

Women over 40 do have immense difficulties in getting attention and dates because they're perceived as "past their prime"and "unattractive." And, if the woman over 40 is exceptionally attractive and she does get dates, she is deemed a harlot, a cougar, or it's rumored she's desperate. Men are not going to clamor to date a woman 40+ and popularity on dating site is just an illusion. It just won't happen. If the OP is expecting this, it's going to backfire. She suggested that she just needs to meet more people, and I agree.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 28
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 9/30/2018 6:44:19 AM
I'll bet if she thinks about it, she's turned down tons of men she was not interested in. If we are not interested in a person, we tend to forget them. Heck, I'm a guy, and when I'm dating, I probably turn down 1,000 women a year......it's slim pickins on these dating sites, and I'm in the wrong town. So she's probably picky - which is quite all right.

It's same story, different day - dating is the tireless search for that needle in the haystack.



"Yet NY women regularly whine they have no options. Volcano from the LA area made many such posts (LA has countless people and a shortage of straight men). When people offered Volcano logical suggestions, she shot down them all, making rationalizations such as traffic time not allowing anyone who lived more than a few miles away. Meanwhile, posters from the smallest towns post about getting lots of attention both online and in real life, and going on dates. "

Part of their whining is due to pickiness. Plenty of men but they are seeking the models, dancers, hot immigrants, etc.
As for Volcano, she was actually incorrect from what my male friends told me. LA is a women's paradise, at least those under 40. She was competing with the want to be actresses.



- Volcanos' main issue was a bad attitude.


Social intelligence is formed in our formative years, as children, interacting with other children at school and at play. Unless the person has been isolated as a child, they have the same opportunity for growth living in a city or a rural area. This only applies to a person's ability to form an LTR.........if you are just talking about meeting qualities of women with no qualifiers, things change! lol

That said, I do seem to befriend a lot of New Yorkers these days....even my current wing woman grew up in the Bronx........she's bad, like a real-life Xena warrior princess, and looks like her too. If I can't find a nice girl locally soon, I might just date her.......God help me, I may not survive! It's always good to have a backup girl!!
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 29
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 9/30/2018 7:02:28 AM
Okay your popular so what are you looking for validation and approval from someone are you? Obviously you need that feeling in your life and that just told me your clingy, needy, will do things for others to get approval to show how desirable and wanted you are with validation from someone or something.

You just became every PUA target congratulations.

They are what you call PUA and since their stuff isn't working like planned they do one of those 3 things and to get you to respond and act.

Validation your popularity whatever it's garbage pay no attention to it. You need to be sure of yourself 100% in what you're doing in how attractive you are, and your ability to find the man who fits in your life.

Be you nothing but the real you when you try manipulation tactics and stray from who you are it says your nothing more than the female equivalent to the PUA male. Your saying you want sex, validation, acceptance, and power from men even a boost in yourself esteem. It really is unnecessary.

Don't compromise who you are to get the one you seek to fit into your life ever!!! You will end up with the wrong person.

Don't worry about what people think of you worry about what you will think of the guy you chose.

Watch the men you choose and communicate with ask yourself does he fit the mold and idea you have for your life?

It's not that hard to find that what you seek just be the real you, and let nothing stop you from going after that what you want. Fear, anxiety other people their not even existing factors when you set you mind to the person you want and go for it. At least they shouldn't be as you have one opportunity and you need to seize it with guns blazing.

People can think whatever I laugh at them all the time, nothing wrong with a good laugh or a little banter and playfulness when engaged in a conversation with the right person. It's not sexual it's just minor teasing and a little fun to ease the tension relax in a conversation, talking about life the both of yours and there is nothing wrong with it. You should do it as you want to not as they pressure you to do so with manipulation and other tactics. Just saying.
 MeramecRiverRat
Joined: 10/12/2017
Msg: 30
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 9/30/2018 8:54:52 AM


It is generally accepted as fact that the big city guys have better "game" than the other side. The PUA movement started in Toronto because the "guys" figured out the social dynamics. Both women and men interact with such a large amount of people that they have superior social intelligence.


Some probably do, maturing quickly.

People from sparser areas tend to have a "native intelligence" that lets them identify bad strangers and choose good friends and a compatible longterm mate.



In a global international city like NYC, London, or Paris the social intelligence is magnified because citizens are dealing with multi-language and multicultural denizens alike.


Fair enough. Obviously there are people from big metro areas who meet people and who don't complain. Some squeaky wheels in forum posts stand out.



Cowboy from Dallas. The list goes on. All of them IMHO had superior profiles than the avg member.


Would not have thought Cowboy was from an urban setting. Would have imagined a ranch. Though he was obviously street smart enough, he would do fine in a big city. Some cities do include characteristics of smaller towns: Pittsburgh, both metro areas in Missouri, probably some in Texas.



Remember a city boy can do much better in Missouri than someone will do in NYC. I would bet my life on that!


Most gals from the Midwest or South would reject an arrogant northeast city slicker. If he had actual high social consciousness and could tell how not to behave, he might do okay. One gal I met from Manhattan said her circle of people in NY would "adore" me, though perhaps that was patronizing, and I wouldn't assume she was a typical New Yorker (she lived on Central Park West and her parents had put her in a boarding school).



(actually my experiment across the country on POF yrs ago proved that point for myself at least)


Your experiment sounds interesting. Could you post a link to a forum post about it if you've written about it in the past? Though if you had a profile that stood out, such as your "misogynist" one or the material that got plagiarized, it could be you got attention as a result of the profile standing out, plus the benefits of being a "new user" in those markets.


At one job, my boss' boss was a transient from LA who (typical of transients from LA, NY, and Chicago who choose to move to my metro area) went on and on about how terrible my area is and how so much better things were back in California. He was socially weak: met his wife on the captive audience of the plane seat next to him, and "their" kids were hers from a previous father. Wasting time hovering over my cube instead of working, he said many things to show his cluelessness. He bragged about his Porsche. Though your later point about socioeconomic class is valid: that suit was a privileged richest 1% golden boy. An average LA citizen would behave much better, perhaps capable of finding a mate who hasn't bred yet, and in a traditional competitive social setting such as a bar or dance.

The people from my work from the largest cities of all (Delhi, Calcutta) had the absolute lowest social skills, upper caste Hindus in prearranged marriages, often exhibiting childish behavior. They tried to invite themselves to my house, imagining I threw parties where they could meet the white American women they crave.



They do? Most forum men from small cities complain. The women do better in the small cities from what I remember.


Your "most" observation might be the squeaky wheels again. The people of both genders who do well aren't going to complain (Yes I know, people in the big cities who do well aren't complaining either). I don't usually notice where people are from unless they state the conditions in their posts. Have seen many posts by smaller town people who get dates. One complaint in the sparser areas is most people seem to be taken already; this implies a high percentage of the smaller cities do well because they found someone.



(who are snobby and think they're better than the "deplorable" people from smaller areas)

Ahh, gotcha. You revealed the truth. You have a confidence ego issue and the above statement proves it. THAT IS YOUR ISSUE, NOT the big city boys/girls. Truth is they don't deplore you at all. They don't think about you. They don't think your worst or better. As for snobs, snobbery tends to be based on socioeconomic class in this country


The word "deplorable" isn't putting oneself down; it's a reference to Hillary and her statement that people in between the coasts don't matter (similar to Meryl Streep trying to bash the people who would rather watch the NFL and MMA and NASCAR than her terrible movies). We "deplorables" have plenty of confidence; we say that word to mock the left. My conservative / rural friends on Facebook don't post anything to indicate they ever think about anyone on the coasts. Meanwhile the urban / liberal ones (many of whom have moved to the coasts because they couldn't make it in MO) spend a lot of time whining on social media, posting hateful memes about the "MAGA" rednecks who won the election. The blue / urban profiles on dating sites indicate they think about the other side a lot. Meanwhile, the red profiles almost never make any reference to the other side.

Too bad more people from the coasts don't disable the "use my current GPS location" on their swipe accounts when they fly over the interior of the US. Would save me the trouble of swiping no on them.

As to socioeconomic class, the people from NY / Long Island / Boston / Chicago / SoCal I've encountered are stacked on the high income side, making a bad impression, typically transients in the workplace and classmates from university (my school was a backup for many East Coasters who got rejected by Harvard and Yale).
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 31
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 9/30/2018 9:50:51 AM
with numerous emails a day, maybe look at the profiles of those messaging you. many guys start a conversation with 'hey' or 'how are you'. check their profile, are they worth responding to? while writing a novel to a complete stranger might not be their thing (if you even read it) they have shown interest and a response may lead to an actual conversation. focus more on who you want and less on weeding out for unimportant things
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 32
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 9/30/2018 10:01:12 AM
Ok , You have cleard a few things up. I see where you are coming from. Just realize that the "average NYer " isn't living in a Central Park penthouse and probably has much less disposable income than your social circle. Most large metro area have an extreme amount of wealthy and also an extreme amount of poor. The large middle class actually suffers often due to high cost of living. Therefore, the majority of people don't fit the snob stereotype
Hell, we even have the Manhattan vs Brooklyn snobs. You ever seen the episode of Sex and the City, where those obnoxious gals were complaining that they had to visit relatives in Brooklyn like BK was a 3rd world country. In reality some places in Brooklyn command a higher rent than Manhattan these days.
Point is snobs are snobs no matter where they are.


Most gals from the Midwest or South would reject an arrogant northeast city slicker. If he had actual high social consciousness and could tell how not to behave, he might do okay. One gal I met from Manhattan said her circle of people in NY would "adore" me, though perhaps that was patronizing, and I wouldn't assume she was a typical New Yorker (she lived on Central Park West and her parents had put her in a boarding school).

Maybe if he was ARROGANT. But they would reject an arrogant southerner just as fast , I hope. However, if he is a polished ,**** , fast talking NYer like Don Draper from Mad Men, I suspect not. As I always say..attraction tends to beat everything else. In really small towns a lot of the choices that are made are based on "sheep" mentality social circle, therefore a Northerner might be rejected just because she doesn't want to be the odd nail hanging out.

At one job, my boss' boss was a transient from LA who (typical of transients from LA, NY, and Chicago who choose to move to my metro area) went on and on about how terrible my area is and how so much better things were back in California.

Well that is his opinion. Let him go back to his daily 3hr traffic jam lol
One complaint in the sparser areas is most people seem to be taken already; this implies a high percentage of the smaller cities do well because they found someone.
Well there you go. Obvious people tend to get in LTR much earlier in smaller towns. But we are talking about online dating here so lets stick with that. I do look where people are from when they post and it is usually the non mega cities where they complain the most if they are over 25. Younger people complain from everywhere. The Midwest seems to be the hardest for guys btw and my own experiment proved it to be so for me too. But I could just maybe not be their type there? who knows?(obviously I had no issues in Chicago) I will address your squeaky wheels comment at the end and tell you a bit about my experience.

Too bad more people from the coasts don't disable the "use my current GPS location" on their swipe accounts when they fly over the interior of the US. Would save me the trouble of swiping no on them.

Agreed HAHAHa. I had it worst. I live 7 miles from the busiest International AP in North America. On Tinder , a match could be 4k miles away before a response.

As for the transient comment. Something to bring up. The big cities are made up of a large population from the smaller cities and Midwest in general. A new breed is the liberals who come to settle in NYC and live on their dads trust fund account. We like them NO better than you do. They mostly supported Bernie Sanders.

it could be you got attention as a result of the profile standing out, plus the benefits of being a "new user" in those markets.

Indeed true. That is why I keep telling people to spend more time on their profile. I get messages from women from other states and countries all the time and no the foreign women aren't scammers like Danial said. Here foreign women actually come to live/work and study. My partner atm(over 3 yrs) is from Brazil and there is a funny story behind it. She sent me a message right after I got a message from a friend of hers who was actually in Brazil at the time. I guess because of distance she lead her friend to check me out.
The reason I did the experiment was:
1. bored
2. That's what I do, I try to figure online dating out(i was hooked up at that time and had permission)
3. A guy named HAWKINGJR and this other engineer guy from NC who kept saying all women are married in the small town he lived in. It didn't make sense what they were saying or the choices they were making so I decided to take myself on around the country tour. Like you said, unless I stay for months I will never know if my responses would peter out or not but I picked big cities so that wouldn't matter. The only small town I picked was in NC. Rest were regional big cities.

Not sure it is right to post my outcomes from my experiment online here since it might offend some since it looks like I was maybe playing the field.
 twoish
Joined: 9/21/2018
Msg: 33
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 9/30/2018 11:00:49 AM
To SiennaBear
Girl you look like your about 12 years old in your photo, be careful of the old dogs.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 34
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 9/30/2018 1:11:08 PM

The man in "GuyWorld" often complain about dateless lives because YOUNGER women aren't interested in dating them. There are women their age who are available, but they refuse them, citing "too much baggage" and not "sexually exciting." That's their own, damned fault.

Women over 40 do have immense difficulties in getting attention and dates because they're perceived as "past their prime"and "unattractive." And, if the woman over 40 is exceptionally attractive and she does get dates, she is deemed a harlot, a cougar, or it's rumored she's desperate. Men are not going to clamor to date a woman 40+ and popularity on dating site is just an illusion. It just won't happen. If the OP is expecting this, it's going to backfire. She suggested that she just needs to meet more people, and I agree.


This isn't true at all. Men's difficulties are the same whether they're looking for younger women or women the same age or older. Why would a man date a woman with too much baggage? A woman doesn't want a guy with baggage. That's total baloney that women over 40 are overlooked. My last girlfriend was 7 years older than me and that was my longest relationship. A woman over 40 that looks good is known as a woman that takes care of herself, not a harlot. The age of the people I message doesn't seem to make any difference on the number or lack or replies I get. I would gladly do coffee with a woman older than me or the same age if she's a cool person and I think most guys feel the same way. If you have to chase them and all they give you is one word answers, it's not really worth it. Of course men prefer younger women in general because of human nature, but it's just not true that they ignore women of the same age or older if they're quality women.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 35
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/1/2018 7:11:11 AM

Try setting a minimum word limit for messages then the guys who are lazy and just want sex will be weeded out lol

A short first email doesn't mean a man is lazy or is just looking for sex. Many men write short first emails because they got relatively few responses to their longer first emails. If there is mutual initial interest based on the pictures, stats, and maybe the profile, then subsequent emails can help determine how articulate or lazy someone is.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 36
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/2/2018 8:04:45 AM

3. A guy named HAWKINGJR and this other engineer guy from NC who kept saying all women are married in the small town he lived in.


- that's another one who had a bad attitude/and/or issues. He did not smile in his photos because he had a space between his teeth (rolls eyes). Brains are great, but a person has to have the total package to be a catch, to be a viable mate...........and that includes having a good attitude and being sane. Just sayin'.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 37
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/2/2018 1:32:24 PM

Yes, there are lots of undesirables on here


" Jerry Seinfeld: Elaine, what percentage of people would you say are good looking?

Elaine Benes: 25 percent.

Jerry Seinfeld: 25 percent, you say? No way! It's like 4 to 6 percent. It's a 20 to 1 shot.

Elaine Benes: You're way off.

Jerry Seinfeld: Way off? Have you been to the motor vehicle bureau? It's like a leper colony down there.

Elaine Benes: So what you are saying is that 90 to 95 percent of the population is undateable?

Jerry Seinfeld: UNDATEABLE!

Elaine Benes: Then how are all these people getting together?

Jerry Seinfeld: Alcohol."



and it's hard to find a gentleman these days.


I'M RIGHT HERE !!



why should a pretty lady stick her neck out if she does not have to?


Because it's 2018, not 1518.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 38
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/2/2018 8:29:07 PM

The man in "GuyWorld" often complain about dateless lives because YOUNGER women aren't interested in dating them. There are women their age who are available, but they refuse them, citing "too much baggage" and not "sexually exciting." That's their own, damned fault.


Since I consider myself reasonably smart, I know that I have little in common with younger women. So rather that waste their valuable time, I refrain from attempting to date them.
I don't find men sexually exciting. Or excessively heavy women. Does that mean that it's my fault that I won't date them? It's more like, I'm not attracted to them.


Women over 40 do have immense difficulties in getting attention and dates because they're perceived as "past their prime"and "unattractive."


Coulda fooled me. Here I thought they were just being exceptionally picky. ( I know that they are)
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 39
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/3/2018 8:10:00 AM
#1. Write guys. Don't rely on guys coming to you.

#2. If every guy you reply to (or write to) is apathetic and fizzles out, or talks sex -- and this is the hardened trend for All the guys you wish to talk to... you're most likely just dealing with guys who are at least a bit out of your league. That is, assuming you're being mainstream, cordial, etc. in what you write (which I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on, of course).

I'm very sure there are plenty of guys out there who are Willing to talk & end up meeting, and won't walk nor talk about sex off the bat. However, I think you don't "count those", because you're not attracted to them... even though they make up a large % of guys in your dateable age range. :)
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 40
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/3/2018 1:40:44 PM
Women in their 40s and up have a much harder time because there's a lot less men (good men) in the dating pool to begin with. And there's so many men just out for quick sex. I suggested in another thread the other day that many of the men out for quick sex also want a relationship. Sex is almost a pre-requisite now of a relationship. The older ladies on this site basically jumped down my throat and said I need psych help for thinking so but I stand by my theory. Most women I know who found a relationship online slept with the guy early on. So it doesn't mean you are guaranteed a relationship by sleeping with someone, far from it actually, but there is a slim chance you will find a guy online these days that will want a relationship before they have sex.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 41
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/3/2018 2:18:19 PM

Women in their 40s and up have a much harder time because there's a lot less men (good men) in the dating pool to begin with. And there's so many men just out for quick sex.

Actually, in online dating sites such as this, 30s & 40s are the two most popular age ranges for usage. And IMO, there'd be a higher % of men in their 20s & 30s just looking for sex on POF than in their 40s and into their 50s. Not that any age range is lacking in that dept -- but just putting things into perspective.

Now, if she's liking / desiring just younger men -- yeah, you're going to get a Higher % of guys wanting to go the "hookup route" with her, as she's older than him.

So as a side note, it's worth noting: If you're going for guys who feel "they can do better" online, they're more apt to go the hookup-route, and make it apparent. It doesn't mean that that's all HE wants. It's just what he wants with You, while with another gal who he feels is a nice attractive catch, he'll likely Not be that way at all, due to genuine interest all-around with that one.

Most guys willing to reply to a gal, but just talk about sex is much the same as a guy fizzling out of any communication shortly after things initiate. It's just that some are willing to go the "Well, I'll hook up with her if she's game. Let me check if she is." So if almost all guys are are like that -- fizzling-out quick in communication or bringing up sex -- it means you're pretty much talking to guys who aren't that interested. Not that one wouldn't ever get those -- of course they will. It's just that if that's ALL they're getting in their mind, they're aiming too high (assuming what said gal writes isn't weird/odd/etc).
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 42
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/3/2018 4:34:24 PM

Sex is almost a pre-requisite now of a relationship.

Well of course. A relationship without sex is friendship. I have friends!


The older ladies on this site basically jumped down my throat and said I need psych help for thinking so but I stand by my theory.

Don't listen to them all the time. There is a great difference between what is said and actions.. A great majority of women say they won't kiss or sleep with a guy on 1st date but reality is often those same women have done it or will do it if they like the guy.



Most women I know who found a relationship online slept with the guy early on. So it doesn't mean you are guaranteed a relationship by sleeping with someone, far from it actually, but there is a slim chance you will find a guy online these days that will want a relationship before they have sex.


Makes perfect sense. Listen, basically a common denominator for almost every LTR out there in the modern world is that the couple had sex. Without it they wouldn't have formed a couple.

A common denominator of a man and women that don't have sex is that most likely they will not be in a relationship and are not in one.

Also for men chemistry often means sexual compatibility. In "Ask a guy", constantly women feel used that after sex the man disappears. I always said they just don't get it. The man didn't get turned off that the women is easy(we like sex and those who have it with us after all). What often likely happens is the guy just doesn't feel the "chemistry". But we don't know this until after sex. Up until sex it is all an attraction based on looks fueled by personality.

After sex it becomes emotional. Now this is how it is with people I know. Imagine if all guys went for sexual compatibility. In that situation ALL women would be foolish to wait too long to have sex since the longer the wait the more the disappointment can come from it if the chemistry isn't there.

*This is excluding religious people who wait close to marriage.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 43
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/3/2018 6:00:02 PM

adventurejoe70


Sex is almost a pre-requisite now of a relationship.

Well of course. A relationship without sex is friendship. I have friends!

+1


adventurejoe70
A great majority of women say they won't kiss or sleep with a guy on 1st date but reality is often those same women have done it or will do it if they like the guy.

Yep. Very true. It’s all about how attracted the woman is.


adventurejoe70
A common denominator of a man and women that don't have sex is that most likely they will not be in a relationship and are not in one.

Bingo, very well said. Succinct, and straight to the point.

NG456, looking at your post, msg 41, which I won’t bother to quote the whole thing – sometimes you just “ramble” too much. Contrast that with the post immediately below yours. I agree with what you were saying, but unjumble your words a little.

 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 44
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/3/2018 11:34:02 PM

sometimes you just “ramble” too much. Contrast that with the post immediately below yours. I agree with what you were saying, but unjumble your words a little.

My post wasn't notably longer than msg #42. :) But I get what you're saying. More clarity (which can shorten them too somewhat). Speaking of msg #42...

Don't listen to them all the time. There is a great difference between what is said and actions.. A great majority of women say they won't kiss or sleep with a guy on 1st date but reality is often those same women have done it or will do it if they like the guy.

Totally agree. It's the big difference of two stages in my life: When I couldn't/wasn't Dating VS when I started Dating and had success. What girls themselves said about what they want, expect, and do -- was Not accurate. It was Clearly Different. It was much like listening to one's classical parents about how to carry yourself at a college party. "You must unlearn, what you have learned."

Makes perfect sense. Listen, basically a common denominator for almost every LTR out there in the modern world is that the couple had sex.

One's head would be in the clouds if they thought good people immerse themselves in an LTR, *then* have sexual intercourse. No, that's not a marker for what's "good people do". And yes, Sally, mommy put out to daddy before they were in an LTR. Otherwise, you could bet the farm that they wouldn't have ever been in one.

Of course there's exceptions when folks are Uber-religious or Really Young, like still in high school and in an LTR. Talking about adults here where it's 49 out of 50 times that they had sex before they were universally seen as being in an LTR.

but there is a slim chance you will find a guy online these days that will want a relationship before they have sex.

This can be interpreted in different ways though with the vague term "relationship" (vs LTR, more specific). I think what some conservative people will sometimes do is "take it slow" or maybe a "friends first" approach -- and although they were out 1-on-1 a handful of times, they kept a broad romantic/sexual distance where nothing was really there except built up anticipation If it continued on like that. When they turn the corner and actually make them Real Dates -- that's when it Really begins (albeit with a head-start). It's still not going to take long for them to pork after that Really-Dating starting block, if they're adults + mutually into each other. But many will retroactively count it as if they were a couple they Whole time, which they weren't.
 Akitahun
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 45
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/4/2018 1:46:41 AM
Agree! Looking back...the only ones that worked out ended up where I did the picking. Everyone else was a "meh" and not all that! Don't settle!!!
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/4/2018 5:13:21 AM

The man in "GuyWorld" often complain about dateless lives because YOUNGER women aren't interested in dating them. There are women their age who are available, but they refuse them, citing "too much baggage" and not "sexually exciting." That's their own, damned fault.



- women start going downhill after age 19 - they tend to be less attractive. However, there are some attractive 40 year olds.

Also, attraction is not everything. Plus, if an old fart does get lucky and finds a younger woman, he may get more than he bargains for - guess which one is likely to have more power in the relationship? - the younger, prettier one. Things are not always greener on the other side of the fence.



Sex is almost a pre-requisite now of a relationship.

Well of course. A relationship without sex is friendship. I have friends!


The older ladies on this site basically jumped down my throat and said I need psych help for thinking so but I stand by my theory.

Don't listen to them all the time. There is a great difference between what is said and actions.. A great majority of women say they won't kiss or sleep with a guy on 1st date but reality is often those same women have done it or will do it if they like the guy.



Most women I know who found a relationship online slept with the guy early on. So it doesn't mean you are guaranteed a relationship by sleeping with someone, far from it actually, but there is a slim chance you will find a guy online these days that will want a relationship before they have sex.


Makes perfect sense. Listen, basically a common denominator for almost every LTR out there in the modern world is that the couple had sex. Without it they wouldn't have formed a couple.

A common denominator of a man and women that don't have sex is that most likely they will not be in a relationship and are not in one.

Also for men chemistry often means sexual compatibility. In "Ask a guy", constantly women feel used that after sex the man disappears. I always said they just don't get it. The man didn't get turned off that the women is easy(we like sex and those who have it with us after all). What often likely happens is the guy just doesn't feel the "chemistry". But we don't know this until after sex. Up until sex it is all an attraction based on looks fueled by personality.

After sex it becomes emotional. Now this is how it is with people I know. Imagine if all guys went for sexual compatibility. In that situation ALL women would be foolish to wait too long to have sex since the longer the wait the more the disappointment can come from it if the chemistry isn't there.

*This is excluding religious people who wait close to marriage.



- excellent post ........... may I add.......... people don't have to have sex on date one, three, or even for years to fall in love (and people can have sex without love). You have alluded to this by your disclaimer that some wait for marriage. There is also kissing, affection, and romance - these things are different from sex. That said, sex is a huge hook and can help solidify a relationship........and sex is a normal part of a relationship (at least at some point)......but if you think you must hop in bed right away, that's incorrect - somebody is making stuff up. Sorry player dudes.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 47
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/4/2018 11:07:31 AM

Also for men chemistry often means sexual compatibility. In "Ask a guy", constantly women feel used that after sex the man disappears. I always said they just don't get it. The man didn't get turned off that the women is easy(we like sex and those who have it with us after all). What often likely happens is the guy just doesn't feel the "chemistry". But we don't know this until after sex. Up until sex it is all an attraction based on looks fueled by personality.


Most men will sleep with just about any woman. Chemistry is mostly based on looks and the guy knows right away, before sleeping with them if she's someone he wants to see again. Usually a guy is just sleeping with a girl he's not physically attracted to out of convenience. That's why she doesn't hear from him again. The only time I guy will avoid an attractive woman after sleeping with them is if she scares him away by revealing she drinks every day or comes across super clingy.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 48
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/4/2018 12:56:55 PM
@ComaTrue except that is not we mean as "chemistry". Just like women feel "chemistry" we men often have the same thing IN A WAY. What your talking about is just superficial attraction ,that isn't chemistry. If chemistry was based on how you describe it then it would ALL mean men have "chemistry" with every women on the planet that they find physically attractive. That makes little sense. Hre I come Cindy Crawford. I find you HOT and want to sleep with you because we have Chemistry! (Cindy calls the cops on me)

Of course men want sex with women they are physically attracted to, no one will ever dispute it. However, just because I have sex with a women doesn't mean I want a relationship with her and feel she is "special".If she is very physically attractive in my eyes will be a good ego boost perhaps but that isn't going to make me want to be with her as the "special" person in my life. Very few confident men will stay together with a gal where the sex was unfulfilling or just for looks. That is nonsense.

No offense Coma but the way you describe seems the behavior of non confident men who think getting a physically attractive women is some kind of big win that won't happen again. If that is how it works in your city with the guys you know perhaps you need to move someplace where there is an abundance of attractive women and then you might find things work a bit different or get new wing-men :)

Seriously ,I don't know ANY adult men who will get into a relationship with any women just because she looks good. He might want to see her again as a Frack buddy though but a LTR isn't coming out of that without having feelings for her.


Usually a guy is just sleeping with a girl he's not physically attracted to out of convenience.


Again I don't see this behavior with adults often... are your wing men really late 30'S?( raises eyebrow). When your young maybe. We had a thing called hogging but the "boys" who indulged in that were the guys who weren't that successful. That being said, it proved the point of "giving it up early". I had a few friends, better than average who ended up in relationship with women who were less of a "looker" than the male was. Why? because they "felt something" during sex and the sex was good and they treated the guys right. That discredits your theory!
Just because most men will sleep with any and all women if they are desperate doesn't mean that most men are desperate to let that happen 24/7.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/4/2018 6:33:02 PM

hemingway234
women start going downhill after age 19 - they tend to be less attractive. However, there are some attractive 40 year olds.

I hate to nit pick, but that just isn’t true. Not as a general rule. I have known many women who looked better at 21 than at 19, and many who looked better at 25 than at 21, and some who didn’t peak until late 20’s or even early 30’s.

And, the second half of your statement “There are some attractive 40 year olds”. True, and some very attractive 50 year old women, and even a few quite attractive women in their 60s. The underlying truth here is that the percentage of women that a man will find attractive gets smaller with advancing age. But there are some, and those are the ones who can still easily get dates.

I’m going to give you a for instance. Ann-Margret, born 1941, would have been 52 years old in 1993 when she starred in Grumpy Old Men. And she was HOT!

Jump forward 2 years to 1995, and Grumpier Old Men. Sophia Loren, born 1934, would have been 61 years old. And she was HOT!


adventurejoe70
Very few confident men will stay together with a gal where the sex was unfulfilling or just for looks. That is nonsense.

Seriously ,I don't know ANY adult men who will get into a relationship with any women just because she looks good. He might want to see her again as a Frack buddy though but a LTR isn't coming out of that without having feelings for her.

I had a few friends, better than average who ended up in relationship with women who were less of a "looker" than the male was. Why? because they "felt something" during sex and the sex was good and they treated the guys right.



+1, very true. Robert Heinlein said something, many years ago, along the lines of,


A woman who makes a man feel good about himself is always going to be beautiful in his eyes.

I’m sure that I’m getting the quote wrong, but that is the essence of it.


 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 50
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/4/2018 6:55:04 PM

A woman who makes a man feel good about himself is always going to be beautiful in his eyes.



Isn't THIS ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ truly, "What it's all about"?
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