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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Most men will sleep with just about any woman.

Exaggeration, but most women can understandably look at it that way about "most" guys compared to their pickiness to sleep with someone. Women have it easier than men. If you can get something really easy, getting that something you're going to be more picky about. Same with a small % of guys, when they can get a$$ without trying.

Chemistry is mostly based on looks and the guy knows right away, before sleeping with them if she's someone he wants to see again.

I agree it's mostly based on looks with someone you don't know, although notably good or bad looks will alter one's perception about their personality when getting acquainted with them... to give some the illusion "it's not just looks." But I will say that there are many gals a guy will eye off-the-bat that he'd sleep with, but not know if he'd want to go out with her after porking. There are plenty of gals who aren't just "pork targets" nor "oh wows".

Usually a guy is just sleeping with a girl he's not physically attracted to out of convenience.

I think that's more than usually, if he's not attracted to her - lol. Why else would he? Although convenience may not be the best word... more like he's notably horny -- even if she isn't So convenient, he'll give it the 'ol college try due to lack of other options + a few extra beers.

The only time I [a] guy will avoid an attractive woman after sleeping with them is if she scares him away by revealing she drinks every day or comes across super clingy.

If she drinks every day but she's pretty cool -- unless the guy can nab a gal he clearly finds attractive without too much difficulty, he'll most likely still feel her out if she likes him. Same with her coming off as the super-clingy type, which can be dismissed as over-excitement upon first meat. I would say if a guy isn't going to aim for at least a 2nd stabbing with a gal he clearly finds Attractive, it'd have to be where she's Truly freaking him out (not just real concerns), if she seems to have had interest in him.

However, just because I have sex with a women [who's attractive] doesn't mean I want a relationship with her and feel she is "special".

True. But she doesn't have to be So "special" to have the desire to go out with her again, at least.

Very few confident men will stay together with a gal where the sex was unfulfilling or just for looks. That is nonsense.

I don't think it has to do with confidence on the unfulfilling sex part. It's just that guys who Don't get sexual situations often will find what would otherwise not be that fulfilling, fulfilling. And they'll also be more apt to stick with a gal just for looks when there's no other "pull"... but you get them good looking enough, a guy who's not lacking confidence in general will stick just for looks, if the other attributes aren't Bad. I think it more depends more on how well they feast in the dating game.

Seriously ,I don't know ANY adult men who will get into a relationship with any women just because she looks good.

I agree if she has great looks BUT her other attributes are so bad that one can't ignore them. However, I have seen guys roll with it into a relationship, but they still don't last long. Getting a gal out of your league Can make a guy shift gears into going-steady mode and more, even without any notably good attributes outside her looks.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/5/2018 5:53:01 AM


I had a few friends, better than average who ended up in relationship with women who were less of a "looker" than the male was. Why? because they "felt something" during sex and the sex was good and they treated the guys right.







+1, very true. Robert Heinlein said something, many years ago, along the lines of,


A woman who makes a man feel good about himself is always going to be beautiful in his eyes.

I’m sure that I’m getting the quote wrong, but that is the essence of it.



- Yes, good stuff. Generally, as looks go up, so does high maintenance. This means the average women can be nicer sometimes. That makes them even more valuable. If you are smart, it's not all about looks!

Besides, when you fall in love with somebody, they can look better to you than they really are!
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 53
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/5/2018 5:57:33 AM

Exaggeration, but most women can understandably look at it that way about "most" guys compared to their pickiness to sleep with someone. Women have it easier than men.


I hold it mostly to be true. Not 24/7 but if most guys are horny enough.

True. But she doesn't have to be So "special" to have the desire to go out with her again, at least.

Go out sure, have sex great. That isn't an exclusive relationship though. It take a lot more than JUST a physical attraction to get in a LTR relationship with a girl IMO.


Getting a gal out of your league Can make a guy shift gears into going-steady mode and more, even without any notably good attributes outside her looks.

I think that is more the ego "trophy wife" phenomena. Like you said , the relationship most likely won't last. That being said, as I said before, and I will huff and puff like the big bad wolf and say for the last time. There isn't SUCH a thing as a gal being out of a guys league. Different strokes for different folks. After a certain age when their friends stop influencing them you can see their differing tastes. Problem is younger guys always have to deal with herd mentality and the mother hen c#$%blockers.


I don't think it has to do with confidence on the unfulfilling sex part. It's just that guys who Don't get sexual situations often will find what would otherwise not be that fulfilling, fulfilling. And they'll also be more apt to stick with a gal just for looks when there's no other "pull"... but you get them good looking enough, a guy who's not lacking confidence in general will stick just for looks, if the other attributes aren't Bad. I think it more depends more on how well they feast in the dating game

Agreed. I am not one for political correctness but I was being polite, as you god damn know it! If Pig was here he say it differently. I didn't want to say "unsuccessful desperate "men so I said "confident " men. But for me the situation described that I was commenting on screams desperate. But again, we are from different locations(USA VS CANADA) and the guys he observes might have a whole different caliber of game than those I swooped with. Our attitude was there wasn't a scarcity of very attractive women so we operate accordingly. But in my location I can stand on a street corner at 6 am in the morning and see in a 5 minute period more attractive women walking by
me than he probably sees in a whole month in his location. That fact really changes a guys view long term.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/5/2018 6:24:23 AM

as I said before, and I will huff and puff like the big bad wolf and say for the last time. There isn't SUCH a thing as a gal being out of a guys league. Different strokes for different folks.


- Yeah, I don't believe in leagues. I say it's all in the mind. I've dated beautiful women, so what? There are plenty of them. What's the big deal? A person's attitude is very important.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/5/2018 2:46:49 PM

It take a lot more than JUST a physical attraction to get in a LTR relationship with a girl IMO.

In one sense, I agree. MERELY (just) having physical attraction won't do it. I agree right there, for everyone. Attachment is a big key for an LTR specifically. But my point was that a HIGH physical attraction (looks of the girl) that the guy could rarely ever get certainly Can make him go into LTR -- not a temporary romp. That's Not to say nothing else can't nix it. Sure, even to the most Desperate Desperado, given enough time and high enough negatives.

There is a difference between lacking Good qualities, and having strong Negative qualities. When that High-Level physical attraction is extremely hard to cum by, while getting a girl with Any physical attraction is tough as nails for him, merely lacking any other Good qualities ain't no thang for many. Even dealing with Negative qualities, too -- but yes, strong enough on the negative side can break everyone. Although we can look at some guys and go "Dude, why are you still with her?" when the negative qualities are high. He's going to be more apt to stick with her if she's a Real catch in relation to him in the Looks dept, and he's not much a successful dater.

I think that is more the ego "trophy wife" phenomena. Like you said , the relationship most likely won't last.

It won't last long if the Looks is all she has riding for her, and there's enough of her Negatives over-running his dating ability. Could possibly make an equation for this. Depending on these factors, it can go from a weekend fling to getting and staying married. But in the end, a gal can't Bank on being Good Looking carrying her into LTR land, not giving a sh!t about anything else, unless the combination of the guy's looks & self-esteem is notably darn low (and her negatives aren't crazy bad or anything).

There isn't SUCH a thing as a gal being out of a guys league. Different strokes for different folks. After a certain age when their friends stop influencing them you can see their differing tastes.

I disagree. I would say that's more applicable to more taste-ridden issues like persona. One can be out of one's league in looks. Doesn't mean one Couldn't get them. There's upsets in sports all the time. :)

If there were no such thing as Wide-Differences in looks, then there's not going to be any level of differences in looks. OK. If so, then looks is purely Relative, which it's not. It's just a factor tweaking into it. That's why it goes by Leagues, and not by some decimal system or anything.

If there's no such thing as a guy being better looking than a gal universally speaking (or vice versa), then you'd see guys in great shape, stylish (wait, isn't that subjective too?), going after 300lb gals with teeth problems just as much as the gal who could be a clothing magazine model. Hey, different strokes for different folks! Just roll the dice, right? Nobody's Hot, nobody's Ugly! Hot Jack will find 300lb Ugly Martha very very attractive, and isn't into gals who could pass for models in any magazine, while Gimpy Greg only settles for models, and he gets them because it's just random whether models like Gimpy Greg or not! ;)

But in my location I can stand on a street corner at 6 am in the morning and see in a 5 minute period more attractive women walking by
me than he probably sees in a whole month in his location. That fact really changes a guys view long term.

True. Your environment changes your tastes and what "perks" you up. Your degree of pickiness on it all is helped shaped by that. You go from some place where there's hot women everywhere -- and then move to some podunk small town where there's only a few girls who are cute (and taken most of the time).... given enough time, what you're willing/wanting to approach will change. 4 years later, move back to your old stomping grounds with hot women everywhere -- Holy Cow, a Heck of a lot less picky by your tastes than 4 years prior!
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/5/2018 3:32:44 PM

there's no such thing as a guy being better looking than a gal universally speaking (or vice versa), then you'd see guys in great shape, stylish (wait, isn't that subjective too?), going after 300lb gals with teeth problems just as much as the gal who could be a clothing magazine model. Hey, different strokes for different folks! Just roll the dice, right? Nobody's Hot, nobody's Ugly! Hot Jack will find 300lb Ugly Martha very very attractive, and isn't into gals who could pass for models in any magazine, while Gimpy Greg only settles for models, and he gets them because it's just random whether models like Gimpy Greg or not! ;)


I agree with you mostly. However that is why I specifically said "gal out of guys league". I am no feminist and I realize there is an absolute truth were most men differ than most women. A truth that anybody can replicate in an experiment.
First we have to accept the fact that most men are more homogeneous in what we find attractive .You and me and 5 other guys on this forum can go get together and we will probably ALL agree which women we find attractive .Our placement of "said" women might be different based on our own subjective tastes.

On the other hand go put 5 women who are strangers in the same situation and in most cases they will have disagreements. You will have gals think some guys are attractive that their own close friends would find unattractive. These experiments have been done enough time to be documented as showing similar outcomes.
Take a group of mix foreign men and similar results will come true. I actually in real life have been in foreign countries where I worked with guys from different cultures(Italy, France, Germany,Russia) and we would mostly agree on who is "date-able" with various preferences due to taste.
In this same situation , it is ALL over the place when it comes to women. Heck I could point out a country with 75 million women who mostly don't understand why Brad Pitt is attractive to women in the Anglo countries. The agreement they hve will be those at very top and those at very bottom with the top being promoted by media and bottom being well.... you know.
I can't agree fully with you.To do so I will have to ignore my vast experiences, and those of my comrades, and forget all the courses I took in social relations and "attraction" while pursuing my BS/MS in Psychology :)

I agree with you about how my life might be miserable if I lived in a town with not many attractive women when I was dating . Now you see why some guys are willing to spend 3k monthly for a studio ;)
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/8/2018 1:07:21 AM

First we have to accept the fact that most men are more homogeneous in what we find attractive .You and me and 5 other guys on this forum can go get together and we will probably ALL agree which women we find attractive .Our placement of "said" women might be different based on our own subjective tastes.

I agree. Subjective tastes alters it. Oh, she resembles your ex even though she's not as good looking as the ex? Inflated attraction. Or even if she looks better than the ex, a guy could have Deflated attraction. And yes, there's the "genre" of the gal, too that plays a role in what resonates with us, if she's not otherwise stand-out pretty.

On the other hand go put 5 women who are strangers in the same situation and in most cases they will have disagreements. You will have gals think some guys are attractive that their own close friends would find unattractive. These experiments have been done enough time to be documented as showing similar outcomes.

I agree that women will have it differ more than guys. Certain things like "looking like an ex" can more often play a role for them than guys, and "genre" plays a bigger role, so whatever genre of the guy they like more, it will have more pull to them VS the random gal next to her who doesn't. I don't think that affects "league" though. A gal who's objectively not better looking than the guy could "pshaw" him just as swiftly as if she was -- because his type/genre is not her style, or he looks too much like a guy she had a bad date with, etc.

I think gals differing more than guys do is a reflection of the fact that women as a whole have more thoughts & concerns when it comes to sizing up a guy who may or may not be suitable for dating. Us guys -- we don't worry about safety, nor as much about type of job she has (generally speaking it has little to no impact on our social standing, where women feel otherwise the opposite way). It gives the false impression that women aren't (that) into looks of a guy. It's that they have More concerns than guys do -- just more Stuff to think about. And when sizing them up, they see how it's reflected in their looks, too.

Heck I could point out a country with 75 million women who mostly don't understand why Brad Pitt is attractive to women in the Anglo countries.

To be fair here, and this is serious: Almost every time I'd say "Now, if a guy looked like Brad Pitt" or "We're not talking about Brad Pitt here, but..." -- I'd get interrupted with "Oh, I don't think he's that good looking." First, this isn't a non-Anglo country thing. Second, I call BS on it, too. If Brad Pitt (we're talking in early to mid 00s mind you) walked into the bar, they are Not going to be saying "No, sorry. NEXT!" It'd be in the opposite direction, even if other movie stars would get their juices flowing faster. It always seemed to be this "cool" thing to "not like Brad Pitt", because he was always used in an example when he hit his young stardom fame.

I agree with you about how my life might be miserable if I lived in a town with not many attractive women when I was dating . Now you see why some guys are willing to spend 3k monthly for a studio ;)

Well, one wouldn't need to move to a place where it's $3k a month to rent a meager studio apt, to find plenty of attractive women. :)

But going back to "league" -- what it's referring to is on the objective scale. You could be out of a single gal's league, but, approaching her in a reasonable way -- does that mean you're going to be batting 1.000? Of course not. Not even close. You will have a much higher batting average than normal if you just zero-in on those, which can be a self-esteem booster for guys in the dumps about dating.

The inexact marker of one 'league' to the next is after personal tastes are out of the way. But also, you envision him dressed up Not in the ideal, nor the Anti-ideal genre that she optimally likes... and him having 'game' to an acceptable degree (not bad, nor a PUA artiste)... all while he's someone who knows someone she knows (eliminates the 'stranger' negativity).

Basically, if she's out of his league -- you could take 10 gals who are on her level of looks, and you take him + 4 other dudes on her level of looks, but all 5 dressed that same way, with equally decent 'game' mingling with her... you can comfortably & easily bet that none will take Him. How far out of his league? Make it 100 different gals, and see how many outlier results there are in she picking him, despite the 4 other guys dressed the same way as he, and all non-total-strangers either.

Of course IRL, it's not the craziest thing in the world to get a gal out of your league (in looks). Your genre's unique, and she Likes it. You look like an actor who's not classic "hot" but gals really like the actor. There's not a lot of cute guys around her and she's not a big social person. She doesn't go out hardly at all. She has emotional sensitivites/issues/etc, and you resonate with her on it when you luckily got the chance to mingle with her thru something. That said though -- a guy shouldn't at all expect to get a gal too much out of his league. Sure, there's always technically a chance. You can bank that there's drawbacks though, if she's more than the next league over.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/8/2018 12:34:05 PM

it is ALL over the place when it comes to women. Heck I could point out a country with 75 million women who mostly don't understand why Brad Pitt is attractive to women in the Anglo countries.


It's basically because they don't buy into Eurocentric beauty standards that most people, esp. in the West, blindly follow. Forget Brad Pitt & Scarlett Johansson. Yes, they are physically attractive but I'm not into those types nor do I put Eurocentric beauty on a pedestal. Give me Ben Simmons or Kat Graham, who are just as attractive but not as well-known. I tend to admire beauty of people who look similar to me anyway, it's healthier that way :)
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/8/2018 4:07:36 PM
msg#58:
I tend to admire beauty of people who look similar to me anyway, it's healthier that way :)


I admire beauty in whatever form it manifests.

My mate selection process though tends to favor N. European types--the Swedes and Norwegians, same as me.
Some these days want to make that out as 'racist'~
I don't understand that at all.
Most of us just want someone who is like us, and likes us--- and understands where we are coming from<<<

Does not mean I think other types are not attractive or I'm 'afraid' of them. Love to gaze upon luscious guys in whatever shape or form.
But for a LTR, I'd go with someone 'like me'. Go figure~
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/8/2018 8:32:14 PM

norwegianguy456
To be fair here, and this is serious: Almost every time I'd say "Now, if a guy looked like Brad Pitt" or "We're not talking about Brad Pitt here, but..." -- I'd get interrupted with "Oh, I don't think he's that good looking." First, this isn't a non-Anglo country thing. Second, I call BS on it, too. If Brad Pitt (we're talking in early to mid 00s mind you) walked into the bar, they are Not going to be saying "No, sorry. NEXT!" It'd be in the opposite direction, even if other movie stars would get their juices flowing faster. It always seemed to be this "cool" thing to "not like Brad Pitt", because he was always used in an example when he hit his young stardom fame.

I agree with you, 100%, on this one. We have all seen that, right here in these forums, and elsewhere. Women seem to think it’s cool to not like Brad Pitt, for whatever reason. Flip the coin, all men everywhere want to do Michelle Pfeiffer.


Mark Ronson & Bruno Mars
This hit, that ice cold
Michelle Pfeiffer, that white gold



Well, one wouldn't need to move to a place where it's $3k a month to rent a meager studio apt, to find plenty of attractive women. :)

I’ve never been to NYC, but I have been to Los Angeles, any number of times. I’ll never forget the first time I flew into John Wayne International, down in Orange County. After we landed, and taxied to a stop, I was watching out the window waiting for word to disembark. The luggage train comes rolling up to unload our luggage (this was back about 1992, and people still checked baggage in those days). The driver of the luggage train was an incredibly beautiful young woman, maybe 24 or so, with blonde hair 2/3 of the way down her back. Absolutely incredibly drop dead gorgeous.

I remember VolcanoKing saying that an ordinary woman could not get noticed, never mind get a date, in Los Angeles. And I would have to say that is probably true.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/9/2018 8:06:16 AM
That's like when we used to go to Vancouver lots in my early 20s. I remember commenting to my brothers that all the girls wear a lot of makeup, shorter skirts and heels, something you wouldn't see in Saskatchewan where jeans, tshirts and Cabela's are all the style of choice. If I was to move there I would definitely have to step up my game to get a man. I also noticed a lot less overweight and obese women.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/9/2018 9:09:59 AM
I go to Vancouver and other parts of the Sunshine Coast frequently. I don't see a lot of women wearing short skirts, lots of make up, and high heels. Rather, I see women with a sense of fashion., and that often includes what used to be called the grunge look (I am probably outdated with my terminology). I often see women there with combat boots, long skirts, torn jeans, no make up, etc. I see diversity in fashion there and lots who don't fall into the short skirts, lots of make up and high heel category - but they look good. They have "a look" and carry it off well. I agree that there are fewer who are overweight and that goes for both genders. Part of it is lifestyle. Vancouver and other places along the Sunshine Coast get little to no snow and it makes the news when they get any. There are lots of people who walk lots of places and it is not uncommon to run into sidewalk congestion. It is just easier to move around outdoors when you aren't trudging through a lot of snow or trying to avoid cracking your head open on ice - the reality here most months of the year and I suspect the reality where you are as well July. There is also something to be said for social norms. When the norm is to be fashionable; to eat lightly; and to engage in regular exercise, then a number of people are likely to conform to the norms. A fashionista would likely look odd in rural Saskatchewan. Hair extensions, tattooed eyebrows, false eyelashes, etc. would also likely look odd there. So you either adapt to the norms around you or you gravitate toward a place where you feel you fit in.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/9/2018 9:22:41 AM

I remember VolcanoKing saying that an ordinary woman could not get noticed, never mind get a date, in Los Angeles. And I would have to say that is probably true.

Are you saying that because of a "lowly" luggage train driver was a hot blonde? :) Meaning they're so populated with hot chicks, they'll never get a date? I can understand the Noticed part, in terms of people pausing to look. Sure. But getting a date? I can't see how that'd be difficult, as a gal getting a date shouldn't rely on men stopping in their tracks mall-watching her.

If I was to move there I would definitely have to step up my game to get a man. I also noticed a lot less overweight and obese women.

A thought that came to me, that I noticed about myself -- with what you point out: I believe that more women are in better shape out in a place like LA or Vancouver, versus some small city 50+ miles out, due to what they're surrounded by. If you were to plaster every young guy's apartment in some location with pics/posters of guys who were Ripped and gals who were in hot shape, IMO, over the years you would see a lot less obese guys and guys solidly out of shape.

I think the scenery naturally makes us put in some effort at least, to at least avoid looking too much in the opposite direction. Brings more shame. And, people affect other people... what people eat and do ends up being a little different too, because "you" aren't the only one.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/9/2018 11:31:37 AM

I'm not into those types nor do I put Eurocentric beauty on a pedestal.


Neither do I. My preferences are nowhere near similar to me. That's just me.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/9/2018 2:27:20 PM
I don't have typical ideas about what is attractive. I cannot imagine finding it interesting to look at someone like a "Brad Pitt" type over any length of time. I find the "standard" ideal of attractiveness rather white bread - bland.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/9/2018 4:06:42 PM
This particular topic of conversation started with AdventureJoe talking about how many hot women there are in NYC. And then we were talking about paying outrageous amounts of rent, in order to be in the big city where there were a lot of available, hot women. I was just making the point that LA has a really really large number of very attractive women. My point in particular, about the baggage handler, was directly related. In Houston, a woman that attractive could get a job as a receptionist in a big firm, sit around, look good, do her nails, and make beaucoup money. Now if it were only the one, then you could speculate that it was a woman who preferred working outdoors. But I saw the same thing all over LA. Beautiful young women go west to try to become the next big thing in Hollywood. And wind up working in a coffee shop.

Here in Houston, there are plenty of attractive young women. But you are not going to find a 10 working in an IHOP. In LA, rather common.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/9/2018 5:22:02 PM

This particular topic of conversation started with AdventureJoe talking about how many hot women there are in NYC. And then we were talking about paying outrageous amounts of rent, in order to be in the big city where there were a lot of available, hot women.

Okay. My point is -- I don't see a big variance. If one is Model-shopping in dating ... OK, I agree. :)

But you are going to find some real cute girls working at iHop, as waitresses anywhere -- albeit the ratio of real cute ones to chubs is going to be Better in a place like LA/NYC. But if one needs that to rely on that to be surrounded by cute gals, cute gals are way out of their league (so aim for LA/NYC where the model-looking types will dwarf them?).

Instead, being in a downtown/active area in a regular city where there's an actual bar/social scene would be good enough. There's always going to be cute gals bouncing around where rent won't be cheap, but it's not going to be some laughable $3k/mo for a studio. Or any place when one's under 30 and there's a nearby college where the upperclassmen cum out to play.

That said, living in Chi-town, not in the heart of downtown where it's expensive but not $3k/mo for a studio, would be more than enough to get one's "fill-up". I couldn't argue against that. I would say going any "higher" than that would be a waste of money-for-opportunities. I can't imagine living in Houston would push one to "move up" to Chicago or NY, if they were in the right sector. But then again, I don't know Houston's bar/social scene, as I only went there once for a bowl game.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/11/2018 11:23:03 AM
Being popular on POF is like sitting at the cool table for lunch at a mental hospital.

I think POF or Match( owners) beef up numbers to get you to upgrade. "Unlock the feature".

For example my profile has been hidden for almost 2 years with me occasionally "unhide" for browsing ..

POF stats show me thousands of men have viewed my profile and even more use the meet me feature and hundreds have made first contact.

Really? My profile is and has been hidden, how could that be so?

You may not be popular it may just be a marketing strategy and you are talking to bots. Bots don't date.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/11/2018 2:44:40 PM
You can have your profile hidden and people can still see it even message you, the filters just remove it before it gets to you. As for hidden part you can hide it I can view it here which means I can message you doesn't mean you get the message. Meet function is glitchy anyways at best so your profile will show up since no software is perfect they have their glitches and malfunctions on occasion usually after updates and maintenance.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 70
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/11/2018 3:45:38 PM
Hmmmm wonder if ya are as popular as ya think ya are?? Six of one vs 1/2 dozen of another.
Sounds like a bunch of High School drama to me.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 71
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/11/2018 3:53:13 PM
"I can view it here which means I can message you"

I'm certain you are wrong. I keep my profile hidden from all searches. The only reason you can see my profile now is because you can not hide your profile when participating in the forums. Other "forumites" can see it but no one else can unless they are reading one of my posts here. Hidden from searches means hidden from searches. So no one could find me to message me. I know this is true because an ex recently contacted me and asked me if I "found someone" because I no longer have a profile. The only people that can message me are ones I have marked as favorites, so I deleted all of my favorites and anyone I favored here.

POF says 991 users want to meet me. It has to be false because my profile has been hidden for the best part of 2 years. Leads me to think the numbers are fake...which also might mean OP is not as popular as she believes she is.

When I rarely "unhide" it for a weekend I can get as many as 60 emails and I am a lot older that OP.

Hate to say this but it is true. The common denominator here is the OP herself so she may need some help in profile review. She states she has posted there but her history shows nothing. Something she is doing during her chats or writing here is off putting to men. Maybe her stats or criteria. I don't know. She knows better how she has conversations with men here. I think maybe she should look at herself and stop blaming men. Also it is a free site so you get what you paid for.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 72
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/12/2018 2:36:34 AM

POF says 991 users want to meet me. It has to be false because my profile has been hidden for the best part of 2 years. Leads me to think the numbers are fake...which also might mean OP is not as popular as she believes she is.

My profile has been completely hidden for longer than that. There are still hundreds of "want to meet me" users left over from when it wasn't hidden even though I had not logged in for at least a year. Every so often I will notice that the number goes down by one or two. I imagine that means that the profile who wants to meet me deleted. It just sort of shows how many inactive profiles there are.
Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/12/2018 4:02:06 AM

I'm certain you are wrong. I keep my profile hidden from all searches. The only reason you can see my profile now is because you can not hide your profile when participating in the forums. Other "forumites" can see it but no one else can unless they are reading one of my posts here. Hidden from searches means hidden from searches. So no one could find me to message me. I know this is true because an ex recently contacted me and asked me if I "found someone" because I no longer have a profile. The only people that can message me are ones I have marked as favorites, so I deleted all of my favorites and anyone I favored here.

I agree with this. My profile is hid too, if it weren't I would be harassed on a daily basis by someone on this site. I can still check out profiles and even send a message if I want. If I do send a message, they can then message me. My profile does not show up in any searches though.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 74
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/12/2018 4:56:22 AM

To be fair here, and this is serious: Almost every time I'd say "Now, if a guy looked like Brad Pitt" or "We're not talking about Brad Pitt here, but..." -- I'd get interrupted with "Oh, I don't think he's that good looking." First, this isn't a non-Anglo country thing. Second, I call BS on it, too. If Brad Pitt (we're talking in early to mid 00s mind you) walked into the bar, they are Not going to be saying "No, sorry. NEXT!" It'd be in the opposite direction, even if other movie stars would get their juices flowing faster. It always seemed to be this "cool" thing to "not like Brad Pitt", because he was always used in an example when he hit his young stardom fame.


I just frikken love it when someone else thinks they know my mind better than I do!!
I have always stated I didn't find Brad Pitt that attractive....simply, he is not my type.
Doesn't matter "who" he is....(I've also never been a celebrity crusher)...he doesn't tickle my fancy.
How dare you...or anyone else....tell me it is BS....or I am just trying to do this "cool" thing.
You really do have an overblown image of your own opinions...hate to tell ya....but you really don't know everything that you think you do!!
 dinno76
Joined: 7/13/2018
Msg: 75
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Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/12/2018 7:45:04 AM
Those celebrities that you see on t.v and in the movies look very different in real life. Many of them you would walk right past and not know they were celebrities. They wear alot of makeup on screen.
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