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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 151
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How many partners is too much?Page 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

I think all you just said is a bunch of BS. Indicative of commitment issue? How about the person knows they arent ready for a relationship because they are finishing school and still need to travel a bit and so on.

I think what she was probably implying was older, past college years. But yeah, people can assume that on someone who's 25 or younger, if they banged a lot of girls & they never got locked in to a long sustaining LTR. That said, when younger, one's more emotionally naive and will latch in to a pretty gal they start dating much more than in their 30s+.

I think relationship experience is what cultivates someone Not to jump into anything serious with someone who wouldn't be a great match (but attractive), by also not feeling some big-emotional-crush as easily. You've come down to earth, which I think requires at least Dating a few people for a sustainable time.

A lot of sexual partners and little to no LTRs? Could be indicative of commitment issues .... A lot of sexual partners and HAS been in LTRs? Probably a cheater. In short, higher numbers mean more of a liability.

Although I don't entirely agree with that thought process, it is a natural way people think in our society, accuracy be damned. It's how we're shaped. Much like most of us are raised to believe that men on average slept with more women than women have slept with men (even though this is clearly inaccurate when male & female population is basically equal).

I believe what you say has some truth to it -- under the assumption said person is living a cookie-cutter life like your average Joe & Jane, but still not a sure bet. If one isn't emotionally dependent on "having someone" and truly 100% happy when single, and are for quite a long time -- but is socially outgoing and isn't sexually conservative -- those #s are going to add up over the years.

And it's not just age -- but their looks, social connections, and persona. When that combo is on the high end -- you can expect one to have LTR experience but also high #s. Those #s can rack up pretty quick for anyone when single, given the right conditions.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 152
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/9/2018 3:30:28 PM
msg#129:
How many partners is too much?
Message: My wife was a bit shocked at my number when we were dating, but it seemed to turn her on. She'd comment on how i had an army of women before we met . Sometimes she wants and likes to hear stories of things ive done in the past. It makes her crazy and she jumps me.


Not to pick on you Tech30 in particular, but just as an example.
I personally would not want to spend an evening, or several, (how do these things come up?) hearing a man I was interested in, detailing his sexual exploits with other women. Not in a dating situation nor in a marriage.

Seems to make the whole 'Let's make love' thing less intimate. Maybe more 'frantic' to be as good as some other experience or something--so if the sex is so-so it might be what is needed to get the juices going. Would not work for me. But to each their own. People do what turns them on~
(Smile)
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 153
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/9/2018 4:44:20 PM
I talk to couples because I figure I am safe from having the man hit on me. I had no idea men were vain enough to think it was them I was after. Note to self don't be friendly with couples anymore.
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 154
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/10/2018 7:39:22 AM
i'm sure the above was posted tongue in cheek, but still...its a reminder we are only so much responsible for how others take or respond to what we say or do to them. we do what we do, and if they take offense...it just may not be our fault. except when it is :)

also, we can be "friendly" yet not "familiar". some people can keep things formal, and others get too flirty or intimate.

(not that i assume the poster above does not know these things. i just wanted to say it generally. and of course give NG something to analyze in 2 paragraphs or less, lol)
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 155
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/10/2018 10:55:38 AM

i just wanted to say it generally. and of course give NG something to analyze in 2 paragraphs or less, lol)


I do believe I heard a, "Dare ya, dare ya" in there somewhere? LOL

I'm with Moraima on this. I talk to both parties of a couple, him and her. Never found myself to be misunderstood, ………….just being friendly and open to "conversation". LOL, You know like we used to do BEFORE everyone planted a cell phone in their hand?
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 156
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/10/2018 8:46:32 PM
There is also another logical possibility and that is that the married men ARE not single because they are better men. I have probably said to myself at least 20 times in the last year that such-and-such a guy is someone I like who I am attracted to and then I daydream about him only to find out that he is already in a committed relationship. I never notice if he has a ring or not, its just not something I think of but even with that it doesn't always tell you because many guys are commonlaw so aren't married officially. And I never get crushes on single guys in real life.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 157
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/11/2018 6:11:34 AM
LOL, There goes the cart rollin' down the road, as the horse watches from the stable window...……………..^ ^ ^ ^ ^
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 158
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/11/2018 6:40:09 AM


I talk to couples because I figure I am safe from having the man hit on me. I had no idea men were vain enough to think it was them I was after. Note to self don't be friendly with couples anymore.

i'm sure the above was posted tongue in cheek, but still..


No...

But I really don't care that much if men are puffed up with themselves simply because I said 'hi' and flirted with him.
I may admire someone else's choice (in men, dogs, shoes, cars, etc...) but it doesn't mean I would make the same choice. It doesn't mean I want to have the same one.
 WhatNamesAreLeftThen
Joined: 8/25/2018
Msg: 159
How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/11/2018 7:18:35 AM
The more a person sleeps around, the less likely they are a good long term partner.
 Carnival_Fishing
Joined: 10/2/2018
Msg: 160
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/11/2018 7:21:25 AM
Asking "How many partners is too much?" is like asking "How much money is too much money?"
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 161
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/11/2018 12:43:07 PM
I think it doesn't really matter how many partners a man has, as long as he doesn't have too few because then that automatically makes you think something is wrong with him. I've not yet dated a virgin but if I ever come across one in his 30s who I like, I wouldn't run away, I'd be more curious than anything.

This thread was more asking what a man's opinions are regarding the number of partners a woman has had.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 162
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/11/2018 2:20:23 PM
July you have had as many partners as you have had.

Don't wait for men to tell you it is ok.


Stop looking for approval, and approve of yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 lnitia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 163
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/11/2018 2:41:00 PM
Hey July, I have noticed an overarching theme in your posts- It seems unusual because you are so young. The theme i see is an attitude of extreme differences in male/female gender identities-and while there are some minor general differences- by assuming such extreme, standard gender identity differences,you burden yourself (it seems you are on a mission to be "good female" As per answered via your surveys-not just be you and despite confusion, you seem very decent)and any male counterpart(need to meet your assumed masculine standards.) Male or female we are individuals we fit, fall, accept, reject, embrace, concede many of standards that you assume are "norms".

If you are just randomly polling people for writing research on gender ideology-to classify the feedback- cool carry on: but if not, as an old lady, who is happy with herself (and a single mother:now adult child)and stumbled through the changing gender roles (starting in the 70's till current)-for your own sake focus on you- We all think if we do some acrobatic floor show we will land the perfect partner- a recipe for resentment, anger, disappointment, and insecurity-if you have had 2 lovers or a hundred, express what you want, to whom you want-nyb to others- unless you choose to date one of the people who answers your random surveys- the person you date, most likely, will have their own criteria
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 164
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/11/2018 2:55:00 PM
I hope I can enjoy one more~
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 165
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/11/2018 2:55:57 PM
I was raised in school to think that there were less gender differences but the older I get the more I see that there are. I laugh now to think about all the Women's Studies courses I took back in in university that preached that women could do anything men can do dogma. Sure, maybe if I hadn't had children but that never would have been a path I wanted. I wanted to be a mom all my life. At 15, I wanted to adopt 14 kids when I grew up. Society is still very much gender-lined and I think its an illusion that we think it isn't.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 166
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/11/2018 5:04:28 PM

I think it doesn't really matter how many partners a man has, as long as he doesn't have too few because then that automatically makes you think something is wrong with him.

Things don't go by a #, really. I mean, what's your version of "too few"? Sure, if he's 30 and only slept with 2 women -- it doesn't mean something's wrong with him. He married his high school sweetheart and got a divorce 2 years ago. He's only had 1 other girl friend, but fooled around with a handful of others but never went all-the-way.

That's why I would roll my eyes back in the day once in a while, when I'd date older women fresh off a divorce who were older 30s. A couple of them sat on "a number" and said girls who slept with over 10 men were sluts -- and I was reminding them they were out of commission, marrying a guy in their early 20s after going to a community college, having kids, and are new on the market. A gal could have 30 guys and be a little younger than they are, but are less likely to hop into bed with a guy they're mingling with and find decently cute. All depends how many years as an adult you've been single... along with how much social exposure one has when they are single.

I was raised in school to think that there were less gender differences but the older I get the more I see that there are.

The opposite effect, as I see it. I think stereotypes and such are silly -- it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy based on the social construct and how you raise them, so people will jump the gun to think it's so "natural". There are differences, yes -- but IMO, there's more differences Within guys, and Within gals than between them.

I laugh now to think about all the Women's Studies courses I took back in in university that preached that women could do anything men can do dogma.

I agree those Women's Studies courses can certainly be over-the-top, yes.

Sure, maybe if I hadn't had children but that never would have been a path I wanted.

Some women don't so much, in and of itself.

At 15, I wanted to adopt 14 kids when I grew up.

Do you still want to adopt 14 kids? Still think the same stuff now as you were at 15? I wouldn't base how "women are" based on how you were @15. :)

Society is still very much gender-lined and I think its an illusion that we think it isn't.

In many ways it is -- and you'll see a lot of it when you live out in the country. But that's a minority of society, so one shouldn't think living out in the country represents how Western society rolls.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 167
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/11/2018 6:31:40 PM

Society is still very much gender-lined and I think its an illusion that we think it isn't.

Only if you let it be that way....

Your self imposed limits are your illusion...
but not my reality.
I have never let my "gender" define what I could or could not do...
and I grew up and still live in Bumfuk Indiana....
 lnitia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 168
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/11/2018 7:15:29 PM
I can see the Summa Cum Laude scholarship- lol wasted indeed-I was never interested in women's studies. Maybe as a final project the advisor hands students a wiper blade , states "the challenge put this on without male assistance-!" lol there is a bit of dogma. My mother's feminist dogma was "always earn enough money to support self and offspring alone" I heard that from 6-7 yrs old-not thinking a few years in university could come near anything a woman born in the 40's,catholic, married her only man, had her babies etc etc... could teach her 4 daughters! many bask in the confirmation of their own worldview..We tell ourselves whatever is necessary- we hit the hard places and all the sudden it is about "real"sic gender differences not the laughable dogma that equality and freedom are hard f'in work and high standards to apply to ourselves and others. not getting what we want in life because "i am old school" or because others challenge it.
None of us lives in the illusion that there are not people of a dying era clinging to gender identity roles and mores-trying to enforce them-enforce-or be free
 Fascinator123
Joined: 12/22/2017
Msg: 169
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/13/2018 1:04:27 PM
Someone having slept with a good number of people might actually be a plus....depends on the current relationship and who that person is today. A man who has sown his 'wild oats' might be a better bet than one who feels he has not slept with as many women as he'd like and might therefore still be in 'hunting' mode.
You'd have to judge on how he treats you and if it seems as though he is happy with what you have together and is fully in the relationship.

If a man refuses to answer or seems to be lying about the numbers then he may be hiding other things, too. (Just a thought) Honesty and being open about one's life is important otherwise one is not opening oneself up to being truly 'known' by the other and then it's more of a pseudo relationship, in my opinion. We don't have to be perfect, after all, no one is, but being open with someone is very important to true intimacy. How can someone love you if they don't even know who you are? Most people would not hold your past against you unless you showed you were still in that frame of mind and had not moved on from how you were if you were promiscuous.
Everyone has a past and most people are adult enough to accept whatever someone's past has held so long as it's not an indicator that they are the kind of person who goes from one person to another like it's some casual pastime and never really 'give' themselves fully to another because they are afraid of intimacy, get bored easily or have to keep proving that they can still cut it.
People ask because sometimes knowing what happened in the past can be a good indicator of what might happen in the future....that much is obvious, but most people will give you benefit of the doubt if they like you enough and care about you and want to move things forward.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 170
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/13/2018 2:17:42 PM

My mother's feminist dogma was "always earn enough money to support self and offspring alone"

That doesn't sound like dogma, but good advice. Go for a career where you can support yourself, and offspring alone if need be. That's actually less than telling a guy to earn enough money to support himself, offspring, And another lady all by himself. A gal should be raised to support herself just as much as a guy. They shouldn't be raised to find a guy to support you and kids you want to make. One-sided dependence may end up happening of course IRL, but shouldn't be a goal.

If a man refuses to answer or seems to be lying about the numbers then he may be hiding other things, too. (Just a thought)

I disagree. Men And women lie about their #s. Because of erroneous judgement calls based on a mere "#".

How can someone love you if they don't even know who you are?

The real faux-pa would be assuming one's #s have any foothold of their life, which is sort of high-schoolish. Instead, it'd just be whether they fall into a couple categories -- are they a virgin, haven't slept with anyone in Ages, or have an on-going high # that'd make a frat-boy proud. Judging on an actual # is so socially flawed, the person who wants to know some # has the real problems (once we get older, it's many times a range not an exact #). Instead, beyond one falling in those 3 categories, is just about their relationship & dating life in general. That will actually say something about one's Life. The other is just a socially-conditioned distraction.
 DavRobin
Joined: 5/13/2008
Msg: 171
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/13/2018 7:43:16 PM
What difference does it make if you slept with 4 people 1000x each, or 1000 people 4x each? The most important factor is you're a good person, you didn't put anyone's health at risk, took the right precautions, and weren't a cheater I would think. Maybe I'm wrong. I tend to judge people on how they act towards me. Makes it easy.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 172
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/13/2018 10:16:10 PM
I agree that women should get a job that supports themself. However, once kids are born many women have to either quit or change jobs due to difficulties arranging childcare plus it is better for kids to see at least one of their parents more. So a man is expected to have an income high enough to support the family. Also, women tend to go into job fields that pay less in general. For example, I am well aware that an engineering degree would be much more beneficial for procuring a better-paying job but I had zero interest in it.
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 173
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/13/2018 11:41:24 PM

Also, women tend to go into job fields that pay less in general. For example, I am well aware that an engineering degree would be much more beneficial for procuring a better-paying job but I had zero interest in it.

That's just you and now. It doesn't have to stay that way. If government and industry got behind a massive national project that led to intensive science and math education at all levels starting tomorrow then in five or ten years everything would be very different. Science is broad enough that with early exposure that there is almost always some branch that will get a primary school kid excited about it. If they can't dig math then maybe biology is their thing. If chemistry doesn't turn them on then maybe astronomy will. As a side effect, it will probably lessen or maybe even eliminate many gender and racial social problems.

A grand national project is important. The astronauts and NASA scientists inspired school kids my age to create the technology we have today. This time, we will include the girls. Imagine what we will get from that!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 174
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/14/2018 1:23:09 AM

I agree that women should get a job that supports themself. However, once kids are born many women have to either quit or change jobs due to difficulties arranging childcare plus it is better for kids to see at least one of their parents more.

Oh for heavens sake -- we're talking about what you prepare for. Don't put the cart before the horse, for crying out loud. :) Just as you aim to suit yourself up for a job that pays independently, you also don't suit yourself up to have kids if/when that gets in the way. You mine as well be saying "Once I get a condo I like, it becomes difficult to travel to my job because it's not near there, and I have to pay more for it." Don't do that until you have your ducks in a row where getting That condo fits. You aim to make babies when/where it'll work out. Until then, ya don't.

So a man is expected to have an income high enough to support the family

There is no "the" yet. He should not have a family until he + she have a combined income, and will have a combined income to support one. Until then, ya don't have kids. Comparative Example: He shouldn't move out of his parent's basement until he has a high enough income to reasonably afford his own place + every day expenses. This is Life 101.

Also, women tend to go into job fields that pay less in general. For example, I am well aware that an engineering degree would be much more beneficial for procuring a better-paying job but I had zero interest in it.

Yeah, you don't go into a job that can't support yourself. Many women go into job fields where they can. You shouldn't think about having kids until you're Solidified in a proper financial situation for the long haul. One should not be set to go by "Jerry Springer Rules" -- where you figure things out after popping out kids with Leroy or Skeeter who have a tough time keeping down a job.

But I agree many gals will go for careers that are lesser paying than men on average. That's a different subject. Point is, if you're not financially grounded for the long haul to have kids, don't have kids. If you're not financially grounded to move out of your parents', don't move out of your parents'. If you're not financially grounded to move to that nice condo community + getting that pretty sweet car -- don't do it.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 175
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/14/2018 3:10:30 PM
^ ^ ^ Every once in awhile, (Blue moon) Norwegie, I read every word you write ………...AND I agree with YOU!
(LOL, Amazing!)
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