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 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 176
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How many partners is too much?Page 8 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

norwegianguy456
Yeah, you don't go into a job that can't support yourself. Many women go into job fields where they can. You shouldn't think about having kids until you're Solidified in a proper financial situation for the long haul. One should not be set to go by "Jerry Springer Rules" -- where you figure things out after popping out kids with Leroy or Skeeter who have a tough time keeping down a job.

But I agree many gals will go for careers that are lesser paying than men on average. That's a different subject. Point is, if you're not financially grounded for the long haul to have kids, don't have kids. If you're not financially grounded to move out of your parents', don't move out of your parents'. If you're not financially grounded to move to that nice condo community + getting that pretty sweet car -- don't do it.

+1, on everything you said.

And I have to say, JulyStorm’s story does sound far far too much like something you would see on Jerry Springer.

Side note: I will deny to my dying day that I have ever watched a single episode of that show. But I have heard people talk about it, and I have seen very brief excerpts.


oldwxman
A grand national project is important. The astronauts and NASA scientists inspired school kids my age to create the technology we have today. This time, we will include the girls. Imagine what we will get from that!

Now that, by god, is the smartest thing you have ever said on here.

I work on the upstream side of the oil business, and have for the last 45 years. When I started, it was about 95% men. These days, it is a lot closer to 50-50. Women are getting degrees in geology and physics and petroleum engineering and math and computer science and …

Despite the setbacks we are seeing right now, the world is slowly getting better. Sexual equality is not fully achieved, but we are a lot further down that road than when I was young. Same with racial equality, and conservation, and many other things.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 177
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/15/2018 7:03:47 AM
Norwegie, I get what you are saying but you seem to be forgetting why so many women have kids before they are ready for them: the ever-ticking biological clock. Many women grow up wanting kids and on some psychological level, see having kids as an important priority in their life but there is always this fear that if you wait too long to have kids then you won't be able to have them. Many men are not thinking at age 22 that they really want to have kids. There's less drive and less pressure. But many women think about this alot, so while they are getting closer to 30, this psychological panic button starts to sound and women really want to have a baby asap because they worry about their falling fertility.
 Noftheborder
Joined: 10/4/2018
Msg: 178
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/15/2018 8:02:47 AM
^I'd say it's less of a priority for women in their 20s in this day and age and more of a failure of birth control (or lax adherence to it) for far too many which gets them in the pickle of bad relationships and then being left to struggle being single mothers. The median range of first time mothers is rising, which means there isn't as much of that biological clock ticking aspect as one would think - like men their age, it turns out women aren't thinking so much at age 22 that they really want to have kids either. The "panic" starts closer to 35 because of increasing percentages of complications from that age forward. The median age range of first time mothers is just above 26 years old now and is anticipated that age will continue to climb, particularly in the western world. One of the reasons is because of less and less teen pregnancies but also because women are deliberately waiting to have children, inside and sometimes outside of a relationship. Opportunities have risen (both medically and financially) that allow them to make such choices and be more prepared to take on the responsibilities of children, partnered or not.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 179
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/15/2018 12:14:59 PM

Norwegie, I get what you are saying but you seem to be forgetting why so many women have kids before they are ready for them: the ever-ticking biological clock.

OMG, Wake Up July. You're saying that as if that should happen. No, it shouldn't -- and it doesn't for many. First, the "biological clock" ticking tends to be in the 30s, not 20-21 when starting a life of their own. Second, a guy also has a "biological c0ck" -- is that a reason to put the cart before the horse (c0ck)? No!

You don't adjust society and give the green-light to make babies when you're in no position to. Same as Johnny getting into debt because he wants to move out of mom's basement and have his own nice pad. You don't think there's a psychological effect there either? Holy hell.

Your position is basically "but when women have kids, they can't do [this-and-that]." Yeah! Don't get knocked up. Saying there's a psychological desire to isn't an excuse by any means -- otherwise tons of other things would be an excuse for the rest of society to conform to.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 180
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/15/2018 12:42:39 PM
I'm not saying it should happen, just that it does. The average age of first-time motherhood in Saskatchewan where I am is 28.1 which means that half of women in my province become mothers before then. And most childless women I knew started to get pretty worried as they were in their late 20s about having kids. Its well-known and talked about that fertility goes down for women in their 30s. And when a person's own friends start having kids, there is a really strong pull to be a mother too. I look at many women I know and most had kids before 25. There's this expectation that when you graduate university, you get a good job, meet a great guy, start a family and live happily ever after. But sometimes the job thing or the great guy thing doesn't happen and women still go and get pregnant. Not saying its the smart thing to do but it happens. And I honestly believe that 90% of accidental pregnancies were not completely accidental. Many women aren't on proper birth control or forget to take it and knowingly take the risk of getting pregnant. How many women ask a guy to wear a condom but he protests and she sleeps with him anyway? When I got pregnant, I was taking birth control but not very long and I let the guy talk me into sex without a condom thinking if I get pregnant, it wouldn't be the end of the world. I wasn't really thinking about the consequences too clearly. I figured I probably wouldn't get pregnant but if I did I was an independant woman and could raise a kid by myself. Ha! I was so idiotic. But I think many women have felt similarily. I know many many women who have gotten pregnant accidentally and its not as if they hadn't been told about birth control. And guys need to be very careful about who they sleep without a condom with. I'm sure there are tons of women on pof right now actively searching for a casual baby daddy.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 181
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/15/2018 12:54:29 PM
Also, I wanted to mention the jobs verses baby thing. Some women want a career but how many women are actually career women? This goes back to when we were talking about women not going into fields which will get them better employment. How many women actually think in terms of having a job capable of supporting a family in the future? I think many women think in terms of having a job that will work until they married and have kids and then their job will complement a husband's income. This may vary from place to place but I am thinking right now about various women I know and many of them did not plan to be in the job they are in now. Other than nurses and teachers, there are so many women who had jobs they liked at one point but then they met a guy, moved to where he lives and found a job local to that area but not necessarily the same job that they were doing before. In most families I know, the husband has a much higher-paying job than the wife and therefore if the husband gets transferred, the wife will follow him and find new employment elsewhere. How often do families move so the husband can get better employment and how many families transfer because the wife can get better emlployment?
 lnitia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 182
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/15/2018 4:53:19 PM
^^I can not believe there are people that still think this way- OM
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 183
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/15/2018 5:50:12 PM
This thinking may have to do with where I'm from. The dominant sources of employment here are farming, potash mining, the railroad, the canola-crushing plant and the oil/gas sector, all which pay well (well, farming does half the time anyways) but these are all predominantly jobs held by men other than the "office girls" who don't make much money. The odd female works in these higher paid jobs and almost none after they have kids. Traditional gender roles are still very much alive in rural Saskatchewan. There are no big corporate offices or anything other than Crop Insurance which does pay well and has a lot of women, including my mom working there.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 184
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/16/2018 3:43:15 AM
I tend to agree with you July. The gender roles are pretty prominent, to the point people actually criticize and think it is absurd if the wife supports the family with income while the husband minds young children. They think it is a risk to the children and like the kids are missing out. Also probably think the woman is less of a woman and mother because of it. Then they also emasculate the man because he Isn't the one out supporting the family, as though it means he less capable.

Females aren't usually as career driven and get delayed from career prospects by having kids earlier or unexpectedly. I mean if a woman is that driven to have a career she probably be very conscientious about pregnancy risks and may even have abortion/s.
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 185
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/16/2018 6:49:08 AM
I remember being at home with my lad for a good few years when he was young and it was the best thing since sliced bread.

I was at college studying, working, and succeeding in the Electronics field, but she was struggling. I took work on the weekends as his Mother became rather depressed. A few tough years due to my lad being born at 2lb at 25 weeks back in 1997. The women in that hospital are F'n amazing.

She is in the same job to this day and she started their back in 2000. No regrets. I have a good lad so all I give a damn about.
I would do it again if the exact same situation was presented to me with my son. In all of those 17 years prior to end of 2012, I never felt less of a man regardless of situation.

I was thinking about the time me and son were play fighting and I bounced him on the bed and he flew off the side and whacked his head on the skirting. He stands up looks at me then I say we cant play fight no more. This is when he cries. Kids :)
 lnitia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 186
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/16/2018 7:05:06 AM
A female with her eye on a goal- and career oriented-and in control of reproductive health often will not have an accidental pregnancy-however, that being said, if perchance pregnancy occurs one is in a much better position to carry the child to term and or support said life. In my youth, related to my mother's support and education, i never had an unplanned pregnancy.

Yet when i obtained a fabulous non-typical federal career, with benefits (healthcare, life, retirement insurance, union protected wages), btw this career is available in every city of usa (MailMan roflmao). My OBGYN informed me i was probably infertile, even said, I utilized birth control. However, i chose the pill at this time in my life- moved away from spermicidal condoms, and indeed became pregnant and was having breakthrough bleeding, when i became pregnant. My partner and my father both suggested an abortion, and had i been working a typical minimum wage job- it may have seemed a better option, I would have, without batting an eye, or assuming societal pressure or shame for making that decision..

Throughout the pregnancy, i toyed with the idea of adoption-yet even, in my very young years, i wanted a child (actually many), so i considered it a almost miraculous blessing, and you know what, IT WAS! if i had not had the option of terminating my pregnancy, might I have felt differently?? A strong possibility of such..Maybe it is actually women who feel personal/religious/moral/ or social obligations to be vessels, who see their own offspring as baggage, or in exercising reproductive rights feel negativity and shame related to either choice? (Many women believe they will be sentenced to hell for pro-choice decisions and spend their whole life repenting and regretting-so lets heap more social shit on them) BTW my child is fabulous despite all the negative propaganda about single parenthood!

Females not that career driven? Are males extremely driven to create offsprings? cause a female needs a male-to make babies.."Is this an intrinsic male instinct, to inhibit female career opportunities by running around spreading seed?" TOTALLY TONGUE IN CHEEK
The reason males can be so "career driven" sic is not related to intrinsic gender differences- it is related to the social culture climate that places responsibility on females for care of offspring.. This mentality is taught.. "wake up" become part of the WOKE- So glad I was reading "Ms. magazine" and "our bodies ourselves" at 7-8 yrs old! Thanks Mom! All you Feminist Haters have happy mired in your societal sludge, by far much more burdened than i.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 187
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/16/2018 8:17:02 AM
But what if you like the traditional female role? I enjoyed being on maternity leave, being home with my kids, taking care of the house, cooking, cleaning, gardening. Going back to work sucked big time all 3 times. Its funny to me now because I grew up a complete tomboy, always playing sports and running around the farm doing outside work, I never wore dresses or skirts or makeup. But I also grew up a huge fan of The Babysitters Club books, babysat tons of kids and wanted to be a teacher when I grew up. I couldn't get into the teaching program in university though because my marks in Math brought me down and you had to have an average into the 90s to get in. I always always wanted to be a mother and a writer when I grew up. My writing did go on hold when I had kids though as I lacked time.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 188
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/16/2018 8:34:55 AM

But what if you like the traditional female role?


Then you make much smarter choices in men!

and you realize....if something happens and that man ends up not in your life....you are screwed!
More screwed than you are now because at least you have an education and job experience on your side...
 lnitia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 189
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/17/2018 6:27:26 AM
Certainly Many may prefer traditional roles-The Dr. Phil goto question comes to mind "How's that working out for you?" Here is a flash back to the new and improved message of the 80's era. Seems so much is expected LOL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_kzJ-f5C9U
I remember at 17 we lived on a farm-My parents believed in bustin our asses we did gender specific traditional and non-traditional tasks- and i was wearing a purple cashmere sweater and getting a cast iron frying pan out of the cupboard as a joke i put two decorative garden gourds in my bra and busted out in that song waving the pan around standing on a kitchen chair (the pan was on top shelf of pantry) so my mom (photo crazy women) took a picture lol.. it was funny i will give ya that!
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 190
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How many partners is too much?
Posted: 11/17/2018 12:02:00 PM

But what if you like the traditional female role?


The traditional female role is taking care of the offspring - no matter what you have to do.

Different people interpret that differently.

I took it to mean that I would keep my job and get married. My ex promised to support my desire to work (since I made more money) and take care of the child. He didn't. I came home one day to find the toddler chewing on an electric cord and the ex said "I'm glad you caught him. If he pulled that cord, it would have ruined my score." Cue epiphany that ex was not that good a caretaker. Or even an adequate one.

The marriage didn't work (as in your case) so I extrapolated (possibly incorrectly, possibly correctly) that I would need to devote a decade to raising my son. This meant that meeting men for the purposes of fun and games or support and procreation was no longer on the table.

And I was as hungry for hugs, kisses, comfort, cuddling, sex, validation, kind words, loving touches as you write you are.
I still am.
But I'm not going to sell my soul for a f*ck.


My writing did go on hold when I had kids though as I lacked time.

Yet you're wasting time trying to find a FB, FWB, long-term boyfriend, lover, husband to take care of you and your children instead of actually doing something towards writing.
People don't lack time to do something they enjoy, the simply don't make it a priority.
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