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 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 326
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or failsPage 14 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)

forfeit the chance to be with somebody


... For thirty eight years, I've shared my life with a few different women ... I have no regrets, it is what it is. Now I am totally content with living alone ~ in fact, I love it ! What I do miss is flirting with women, so I do that every chance I get, col. I use these forums , in place of ( for lack of better words ) " pen pals " so to speak. Although, I must admit > the pen pal ing is 99% me just saying what's on my mind, and hoping a 1% someone may address it. Either way, I'm very lucky to say >life is good !!!

... >>>
... unlucky at love, at least that's what they say ...


.................................................... ^^^^^^.......................................................

... I suppose , like many others ~ the above statement rings true ( male & female ) I truly hope all who seek love, will find it > heart / sun

lyrics* " Unlucky at love, at least that's what they say ..
............. He/she lost his/her head and gambled his/her heart away ..
............. He/she keeps searching though, there's nothing left ..
............. Staked his/her heart and lost, now he/she has to pay the cost ..
............. Have you heard about the lonesome loser, he/ she's a loser but he / she still keeps on trying ..

LONESOME LOSER by The Little River Band
> turn it up ^
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 327
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/17/2018 6:04:58 PM
he / she ... he / she ... he / she ... he / she ... he / she ...
^col

... Oh ! & I almost forgot ~ I enjoy posting the music, although this forum isn't the correct one for music, it's where the peeps I like are ... < col

heart / sun

 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 328
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/17/2018 6:18:15 PM

I agree with you Texas. Anyone who claims they're completely fine being alone.....they'd be hard-pressed to convince me that if they met someone who was into them & the feeling was completely mutual...they'd forfeit the chance of being with that person in favor of being alone? I call BS.{/quote]

When people say they are fine being alone.....they mean that the desire to have a mate doesn't consume them in the way it does Ms July.
They are content....they don't feel the need to chase love....they don't go crazy searching and researching every aspect of dating.
They are completely at peace with coming home and spending time alone....and don't need a partner to validate who they are as a person.
That doesn't mean that they wouldn't be happy finding love again...it just means if it doesn't happen....it will not affect their happiness.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 329
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/17/2018 8:19:52 PM
^^^

.. I'll soon to be hopping over to your place, like we planned msmicki. I hop to be there for Christmas, cuz I wuv presents ! Can't wait to get my lil' lilly pond, delta, mud & my shoebox on your dresser. You did say you would hose me down with water before ni ni time, white ??? Last time I didn't get hosed down before bed, I stuck to the box for a week & was very hard to pry out, even then . I actually left several warts stuck to the box floor > OUCH !!!! ( ps ? You really don't want to see a frog cry, burr rupttt > with these bugged out eyes, it's an absolutely AWFUL sight to have to look at !!!)

I'm gonna cry, jus thinking about it ! Hold on a minute , i've gotta cry .
Wannnn burp ! Wannn burp ! Wannnnnnnnn burrRupt burrRuptt Wannn !

^^^ ( ok - I'm done ) ^^^


.. Oh I forgot ~ I enjoy Japanese beetles for dessert & worms will do if they're too expensive for you. The " live " beetles are usually under 50$ ( < that's American dollars )per dozen ( shipped overnite from Japan ) I HATE worms but , ifin we can't get those beetles >>>> Well, I'll just happily starve, no problem.

.. & Oh yeah ~ this may sound stupid but, is the shore on my pond primarily, exactly like at least between 5 & 3/4's & 6 inches deep, of warm wet mud ?? That is sort of what I'm used to, well the truth is ~ I'm very sort of used to it, so if you have to make some, it's ok !

... I wuv you mommy !!!! ( hows that for froggyflurtin' , you lil' platipie ? ) brrrrrrrrrrr ruppttttttt ribbbbbbit !!!!!!!!!

... ps mommy ? Other presents, other then the mud will be accepted ..

Hop to see you soon { wet slobbery slimey kiss kiss, burp !!}
S
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 330
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/17/2018 9:39:04 PM

When people say they are fine being alone.....they mean that the desire to have a mate doesn't consume them in the way it does Ms July.
They are content....they don't feel the need to chase love....they don't go crazy searching and researching every aspect of dating.
They are completely at peace with coming home and spending time alone....and don't need a partner to validate who they are as a person.
That doesn't mean that they wouldn't be happy finding love again...it just means if it doesn't happen....it will not affect their happiness.


This is where I'm pretty much at right now. Being alone was tough at first, but it got easier as I've gotten older.

I spent too many years hopping from lily pad to lily pad and always lost myself.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 331
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/17/2018 11:18:50 PM
I have always been happiest in a committed relationship. that being said, if not happy to begin with, a partner will not fix that. I understand what july wants but it just doesn't work that way. when two happy and content people are together, they share the good and the bad, lessens the blow and makes it easier. when one is already miserable, a partner would only be a temporary lift until the misery returned or they left. if I had met her locally and dated her in her current state (depressed and hopeless). at best, dating would turn to fwb and then just fb. how quickly I exited altogether would have little to do with the sex and much about attitude/outlook. take the same scenario but her being happy or at least content, playing her cards the best she can and not 'needing' a guy, then I might date as a gf and not a fb. I would respect her for doing her best and 'want' to help and she would like the help but be able to survive just fine without it. money, a place of her own and a stiff****might make her life more tolerable but not happy nor content. eventually new problems will replace the old.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 332
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 4:45:38 AM
Backcreek....
the mud is completely frozen.....so I have a little spot in the house for ya....you'll just have to snuggle up with the cat and dog around the fire till Spring. And come Spring....you are welcome to each and every Japanese Beetle ....and would appreciate if you would eat those suckers before they eat up my gardens!!

John....
You are so right....if being miserable and unhappy is the norm for someone....a partner cannot fix that.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 333
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 4:47:55 AM
msg#330:

When people say they are fine being alone.....they mean that the desire to have a mate doesn't consume them in the way it does Ms July.
They are content....they don't feel the need to chase love....they don't go crazy searching and researching every aspect of dating.
They are completely at peace with coming home and spending time alone....and don't need a partner to validate who they are as a person.
That doesn't mean that they wouldn't be happy finding love again...it just means if it doesn't happen....it will not affect their happiness.
__________________________________________


This is where I'm pretty much at right now. Being alone was tough at first, but it got easier as I've gotten older.

I spent too many years hopping from lily pad to lily pad and always lost myself.


+1

CoolDog< I always 'lost myself', too. Not sure why since I recognized that 'I do that' from early on. And was always very unhappy about it and somewhat horrified that I'd do i t again and again, even after being aware of my propensities in that direction. Much better off psychologically living alone---keeps me feeling 'whole' albeit a bit lonely at times~
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 334
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 5:14:34 AM
THIS ^ ^ ^ ^ ^( the message delivered in John's entire post) has been written, by numerous different people, men and women, in the Forums, on many occasions, ………………..and yet, it (the message) escapes many.

Think of anything that normally contains 2 pieces that may............….stand alone but are often seen together.
(Just like people)
A cup and saucer.
They were designed to be used together. The cup can be in perfect condition. The saucer has a crack in it.
No matter how many times you try to make the cup / force the cup, to fix the crack in the saucer, …………….it just doesn't happen.

Why go to the store, shopping for a set of new cups and saucers, and choose the box with a cracked/ broken saucer?
(The price is the same. There is no discount, for cracked / broken)

A broken person often seeks a whole person, with the hope, that the whole person can and will...………... fix them.
A whole emotionally healthy person, will never seek a broken person. They have no desire, to waste their time and energy on "Broken".
They have no desire to save a drowning person and risk the possibility of being pulled under by ...............the drowning person. Their effort would be in vain.
 Hotsuma2134
Joined: 11/10/2018
Msg: 335
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 6:23:27 AM
I'm a man that's willing to love respect and be equal with a woman. Unfortunately here in Harrison AR we are fresh out of girls worth any of that.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 336
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 8:00:57 AM
I would not call myself depressed, not by a longshot. I think I have problems in my life right now which bring me down but I'm a hell of a lot happier than I used to be. I know who I am as a person and what I want. I am just really unsure about myself when it comes to men. And the only way to change that is to spend more time with men I think. Take me joining soccer. There weren't enough women to form a women's league so the few women got absorbed by the men's league. The first year I decided not to go in, I was terrified of playing with men. But the second year I did and even though I was nervous I fought through my fears and played, getting more comfortable with each week. Now, I actually take part in conversations, I make eye contact and play more aggressively whereas at the beginning I played passively, made zero eye contact and hung back on my own before playing.

Why do I fear men so much? It goes back to growing up. I grew up with my closest friends as guys. I was a tomboy and enjoyed playing sports and playing outside plus the neighbour kids my age were all boys. But then when I got older and they started getting girlfriends I started getting excluded from the group and then when I actually told one friend I really liked him (well, actually one of my girl friends told him) I was suddenly completely blacklisted because apparently another guy liked me and it caused some fighting between the guys and they decided it was better if I didn't hang out with them at all. This all happened in high school. In junior high I moved for two years and at the school I went to for Grade 7 and 8, two guys started bugging me mercilessly. They did things like dump my desk constantly, call me names, pour water on me, etc. It was like a fun game for them. After that experience I got to move back to the farm and then the debacle with my longtime guy friends happened. I was afraid of guys and getting my feelings hurt. And for the rest of the school year I basically avoided guys, other than when I got drunk at parties and my inhibitions disappeared. Never went all the way with anyone though. During university I never went out on a single date the first 4 years, there were a few brief drunken interludes but nothing big, a lot of guys I really didn't like I could have had and maybe I did avoid guys I did like because I knew they could really hurt me. I really believed that I wanted to be alone the rest of my life and just adopt a bunch of kids. But when my cousin died I really started to worry I'd be alone the rest of my life and I realized I didn't want to be alone. I went on POF, went out on a number of dates and finally found a guy I really liked and even grew to love but just when I thought everything was great and I finally quit having those major worries he'd hurt me, he dumped me without warning, completely blindsided me. And then I told myself i would not let it happen again and when I met my second boyfriend, I knew I didn't love him so I figured he couldn't hurt me. I figured I could just grow to love him and because I was better than him I was in control. But spending 9 years with a guy who treats you like crap, calls you names and yells and swears at you all the time sure affected me. Now I've had years to think about things. And I'm tired of hiding from trying to be truly happy with someone. But I've been trying to take baby steps and I figured fwb was a good place to start, I could learn to be comfortable with someone with less risk of getting hurt.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 337
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 8:29:04 AM
Once again ....justifications and excuses instead of admitting you need help working through your problems...

and....once again....your stories aren't much different than a lot of women's stories....
Hell....my story makes yours look like a Cinderalla story....

The difference....I chose to not let the actions of one or two men or just having one in my life dictate my happiness.

and pardon me....but sleeping with a stranger is not a "baby step" action....it's a jump right in the fire action!!
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 338
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 9:02:06 AM

But I've been trying to take baby steps and I figured fwb was a good place to start, I could learn to be comfortable with someone with less risk of getting hurt.
but your not ready emotionally for fwb. even fb is pushing it. just want laid? go to the next town over and stop at the first dive bar and wear the sluttiest clothes you can find. leave emotions out of it, don't even ask his name! want a relationship? fix yourself first so you are emotionally able to be in one.
 Carnival_Fishing
Joined: 10/2/2018
Msg: 339
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 9:06:39 AM
If July ends up with an STD or getting pregnant by sleeping with a stranger, that'll put a damper in her quest to find her version of "true love". I would head for the hills if I went on a date with someone and found out she had a life similar to July's-lived with a guy for 9 years who she was never fond of to begin with, but decided to have 3 kids with him anyway. The guy was nothing more than a sperm donor to her to make babies, and thinks that it's a guy's job to make her happy.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 340
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 9:26:10 AM
How does a person fix themselves other than practicing specific actions? I have tried therapy in the past briefly but I think my major problem is not in analyzing why I am the way I am and what I need to do because I already know what I need to do. It both helps and doesn't help that I took 3 years of counselling classes in university because it does cause me to analyze and overthink everything. My problem is my fear, my fear of rejection, intermingled with my fear of loneliness.

My fear of loneliness really hit me with my cousin's death when I was 23. And these last 5 years, working in the job I am, dealing with people who were dying, affected me big time as well. My fear of rejection I already told you why. I know what I need to do. When you fear something, you have to face your fears. To face rejection, I have to be willing to encounter it. FWB I know was just another cop-out for me. It was a plan designed with an easy escape hatch. But I have to be willing to get my heart broken. I have to accept and realize that if I get my heart broken, I will be okay. Because if I can't do that then I can never be happy. I can never be in a good relationship if I never have the guts to pursue one.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 341
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 9:28:22 AM

you'll just have to snuggle up with the cat and dog around the fire till spring


... ^ Ok mommy, but I do have a few questions though! ( my 1st mommy always said - I was the most picky, inquisitive, pain in the a-ss & difficult tadpole of the entire bunch ) are there any other frogs on your property mommy ? If so, would you please " politely " ask them to hop the h*ell out of there, I get a bit nervous around other frogs !
7) you don't have an aversion to kissing frogs, right ? I slept much better when my 1st mommy gave me a ni nite kisses! & ps - I'm not the nasty type of frog , that when kissed ~ you go on some, like LSD trip < col / burp ! ( although I heard a distant cousin of mine is, but no problem here, I hope )
8) & last but not least .... PLEASE don't ever mention that old tired bs line of having to " kiss a lot of frogs before finding a prince " < as I'm likely to up-chuck a worm or two !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9) ^^^^ I do have a few ( less then 100 ) other things to ask but, I'll wait til I get there, when we'll have lots of time together !!

freddy ( the frog ) Hop to see you soon mommy !!
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 342
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 9:45:25 AM
^^^
1) mommy > would you mind blow drying the frozen mud around my lil' lilly pond, before I arrive? ( your so sweet !!! )
2) the cat & dog don't like frog legs, right mommy?
3) nobody that ever visits, likes frog legs, right mommy? ( would you mind asking them, before you let them in ? thank you mommy ! )
4) you never use " bug spray " right mommy ?
5) if when tenderly holding me , a few days later you get a wart or three > that is no problem right mommy ?
6) ^^^ me calling you mommy, doesn't bother you the least, right mommy ? ( I have a bit of separation anxiety, after spending my formative years with 2,672 other tadpoles, I became quite attached to my first mommy, well I " think " it was her, hmmm? maybe not, who knows? col ? burp !!)
10 ) I p(w)omise not to hop - jack this thread any further ..

^^^ ( I can hear all the thank the frog f-in gawds, even from here, col )

... heart / god loves a frog / sun
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 343
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 10:36:30 AM
MsMicki 337
and....once again....your stories aren't much different than a lot of women's stories.
Hell....my story makes yours look like a Cinderalla story....


Fine share your story. Show us how you overcame insurmountable odds to become the pseudo psychiatrist you are? Of course it's possible you're just feeding people a line of bullshit just to make yourself look good.

Let's hear your story. Maybe July will learn something from it. What do you think? Put up or shut up?
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 344
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 11:11:33 AM
Face your fears and stop avoiding them, it's just making it more difficult for yourself on the long run. Avoidance and excuses are maladaptive and only perpetuating the problem. You need to be able to adapt and do things differently if you want to affect change.
 OneWingedLion
Joined: 11/11/2018
Msg: 345
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 11:15:01 AM

_Rise_Above_This_
Who said you were a man?


Ask your mom.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 346
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 11:17:30 AM
And if i go to the work of getting attached to someone, I might as well do it with someone trying for a relationship with them instead of just taking the half-assed fwb approach.

I do like this guy but I know all the like I have means nothing because he's leaving. Once I take a little time to get over him, no more fwb. I need to just try for what I want and face rejection.
 OneWingedLion
Joined: 11/11/2018
Msg: 347
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 11:23:29 AM

julystorm22
I do like this guy but I know all the like I have means nothing because he's leaving. Once I take a little time to get over him, no more fwb. I need to just try for what I want and face rejection.


Look sister from another mister
I am gonna tell you something to think about it. For the all men you knew all your entire life, whatever different they were, there is only one correlation factor among all of them, do you know what is it?

 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 348
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 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 349
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 11:42:45 AM

Let's hear your story. Maybe July will learn something from it. What do you think? Put up or shut up?


Looking for gruesome details are ya?

You want the part where he beat my unborn child out of me?
You want the part where I stayed out in a cornfield all night hiding?
You want the part where I left in a Tshirt and a pair of panties in an old truck with 4 sliced tires and drove 20 miles on rims to my parents house just to get away?
or do You want the part where I never looked back.... worked 2 jobs.....went to abuse counseling....became an abuse counselor...fixed my choices in men....bought and paid for my own house, learned how to build my own decks and back porches, trim my own trees, change the oil in my car, put myself through college so I'd never have to be "dependant" on a man but instead chosing to be in an equal partnership with a man....and lived a very happy, content life?

That good enough for this 55 year old woman that has lived a little t0 offer up some advise?
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 350
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 1:17:16 PM
July...

I do like this guy but I know...


No. I don't think you do know.
You think, you analyze, you make excuses.
Then you put all that wordage into something you think the other person believes

MsMicki…
Congratulations.
July needs that later part about growing and changing and not being "dependent".
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