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 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 51
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or failsPage 3 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)

Take the blinders off.

I am not sure what this refers to. What blinders am I wearing? I see things more clearly than many.
Dayna has made some significant messes in her life, per her posting history, so her comment raised my eyebrows.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 52
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/28/2018 7:51:48 AM

^^^I don't see a single such person in this thread.



I am not sure what this refers to



This comment is...……. by virtue of content directed to every person with a response to the OP, in this thread. The arrows were pointing to the above, Dayna, but the words included everyone...…………….sooooooo I replied to the comment.
In THIS thread / stand alone, there perhaps is little advice …………...however pages and pages of advice, have been posted.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 53
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/28/2018 7:58:22 AM
msg#30: JulyStorm's list<


safety (from physical harm)
security (financially with a good roof over their head)
appreciation (for what they bring to the table)
the feeling of being wanted (sexually and romantically)

Why these things?


I think a lot of folks, both men and women desire---(like birds!)
-a safe place to land and rest
-a nicely feathered nest
-access to abundant resources
-love and affection

Not to say that one person gives and the other takes, not at all
Just that, unless you are a monk, who would not prefer a warm bed over a cold cell?

I could be wrong~
 Rumours
Joined: 6/4/2018
Msg: 54
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/28/2018 8:05:20 AM
I think the older ladies are the ones that give sounder advice because we have all been through it.
The thing about the youth...is they think their circumstance is soooo different...it's really not.
We all made some mistakes because we were young and perhaps had poor role models or knowledge on how to handle a situation.
You would be wise to listen to people that have lived it....when it comes to the basics.
Quit with the excuses.....make smarter choices.

Plus....You don't hear LIR, Dayna, myself or some others putting down "all" men because "we" made a wrong choice.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 55
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/28/2018 8:58:23 AM
I'm not putting down all men, just stating what I think the truth is. I call b.s. on women who say they don't want those things.

Many of you older women keep bringing up the mistakes of my past which I've been fully open with, setting me up for constant criticism, yet most of you have made similar mistakes in your past. What's wrong with me trying to make my life better? I made a mistake by choosing the wrong man and I dare hope to one day find a good man even though a large part of me doubts I will. My optimism seems to rankle you.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 56
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/28/2018 9:15:03 AM
Who is rankled by your optimism?
 Rumours
Joined: 6/4/2018
Msg: 57
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/28/2018 9:15:59 AM

I'm not putting down all men, just stating what I think the truth is.

I was not referring to you with this comment. I was referring to the person that said our generation of women...know nothing and hate men.

YOU are an avid poster...I think, with these forum people....they have little more to say than they have already said.
You seem to put everything out there about your life...which on these forums is probably not a great idea.
They remember everything.
Some will use it against you....or with some it just seems to get annoying.

I....for one, think you are a great girl...seem to have a good head on your shoulders and hope you the very best.
Good Luck!
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 58
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/28/2018 9:23:38 AM
.
An old saying comes to mind & applies to both men and women ...

... qualities > good looking, hard working, very smart, good in bed ( romantic ), loves kids, polite, ability to earn a good living, great verbal skills, apparent appreciation for women, etc etc etc.

^^^ description of Ted Bundy

" You cannot (should not) judge a book, by its cover "

heart / sun
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 59
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/28/2018 9:25:00 AM

" You cannot judge a book, by its cover "

How else do you suggest judging it if it is in a plastic seal that you can't open until you buy?
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 60
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/28/2018 9:36:12 AM
^^^^ Wow! You done stumped me on that one sweetheart !!

... Perhaps google(ing) literature critics, who have read it ??

... Good question lil' platipie ( < term of respect & admiration )

col (hugs)

ps July ? I believe you worry & tend to " analyze " issues of your past relationships too much. Maybe you should let them slide down off your back, like the slippery lil' critter ( platipie ) mentioned above would do. As Rumours replied > you are a good person, with a good heart. Cut yourself some slack & love yourself for the decent person you are.

heart / sun
 calliopedreams
Joined: 11/21/2017
Msg: 61
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/28/2018 10:21:28 AM
July -

By publishing all your "must have" checklists, polls and requirements for height, strength, salary, etc. you are only illustrating that you are still mentally and emotionally dependent on certain external factors in order to feel secure and worthy.

Things that you assume others have done or want that are similar to your journey does not mean they are universally true.

As ONE example, I have never been influenced by a partner's salary, since I always made a significant living, because I chose a different route by going to school early, and entering a lucrative profession. I can honestly say I never fretted about being childless/less fertile (or even getting married) in my 20s.

There are other examples, but I doubt they will make any difference, because you are still laboring under the idea that you need to carefully control the dating/mating process. I think your post about the way in which you thought you could control the reaction men have to a particular picture you planned to put on your profile shows the level of disconnect.

Anyway, we are all just fingers on a keyboard. Most of us don't give a ratz behind about what becomes of other people on these boards, but some may get annoyed by the constant naval-gazing that is done in public. Myself, I am just perplexed by the simple concepts that seem to elude people (NOT just you) that are presumably adults.

I think you are really in the same place you were 10 years ago, where you still feel a desperation to be accepted by a man or men, except your driver now is not because you are afraid of becoming "less fertile" with age, but because you think yourself not worthy of a mate (which was your actual motivation in the first marriage, but you like to think it was being driven to have kids, because you still have not dealt with your fundamental feelings of insecurity and worthlessness). Anyway, you get to blame kids for both situations you have created for yourself. The first was "lack of," and now you are less attractive because you have them. Quite a paradox, wouldn't you say?

If you are genuinely optimistic, good for you.
If you are just trying to convince yourself of a fairy tale, to avoid the pain of working on yourself, get help.

 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 62
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/28/2018 10:50:31 AM
msg#61:

Anyway, we are all just fingers on a keyboard


What first came to mind when I read that line 'we are all just fingers on a keyboard' ---was that the keyboard was a 'piano keyboard'--- and each of us playing our own tune~

Still kind of works...

Owell. Nevermind
 calliopedreams
Joined: 11/21/2017
Msg: 63
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/28/2018 11:37:55 AM
Yes, it kind of works...

Anyway, I meant navel-gazing, not thinking about submarines (naval).

Too late to edit.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 64
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/28/2018 12:10:12 PM

More than a few hundred users have, read, posted, reacted / responded...………………...with questions, asked for advice, ………….suggestions were given, advice was given...………………… from MEN AND...….. WOMEN...………...over and over and over and over and...……………..for years.


Well, that is true. But lets look at the flip sided as well. A lot of the advice often given here is not great advice either for the posters actually achieving what it is they desire. It is kind of like someone going to Freudian psychotherapy for years and never getting well vs a more sensible NLP type therapy.
Look at "profile reviews"..people post in the profile review daily looking for help and in my personal opinion, they are given the same advice the previous 20 gentlemen have received. It is like POF version of the Happy Meal.

Myself and PIG(you remember him?) use to get in "helpful" moods and post advice there. Advice that, although not PC and what the fairy tale fantasy queens wanted to hear, would actually contribute to the OP'S actually achieving some success. Since the majority in the thread was against it they would actually tell OP's to ignore and we were asked to leave(Pig was banned).

Red wanna hear a funnier story? I myself posted there when I 1st joined and was given the same generic advice although my profile was like 10000000x better than the members advising me! Hypocrisy!
Then a chick(yes a chick) from Nebraska wearing a flannel shirt that looked like she just picked a ton of corn(YOU COULD SEE THE DIRT) told me I need to change my photo because I was wearing black and that is bad! Mind you I wasn't looking for "photo advice" and was receiving very complimentary openers(provocative sometimes as well) as it was. I politely told her that it goes with my complexion and works in my location and she responded with "good if your going for the young girls". Suffice it to say we both got banned for 3 days by the end of the thread. A LOT of bad advice here! Just sayin...
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 65
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/28/2018 12:46:24 PM
LOL, My "advice"? Stay away from "Grandma" when her ears are too big, her eyes are too big, her hands are too large and her mouth is terribly too big!
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 66
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/28/2018 1:26:29 PM
After my divorce from Daughters dad when she was seven, I didnt date for a year, then when she was nine (I was 41) I bought a small home at the same time that i was dating a friend. The home was being bought regardless if the romance worked out or not. We then later Married. He later passed away when I was 45, and at 47, I sold that home and bought a bigger one, and then at 57 decided as the dynamics of the neighborhood were changing, moved to the town where my work is located. I paid cash for this home. I have always been a saver, and thus will retire from Government job next year. I have always been a planner, and depend on my own hard work to meet those plans.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 67
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/28/2018 1:35:21 PM
If a man is an inch shorter than my height of 5ft 9 inches, I am ok with that.
My Requirements for a man I date. He needs his own wheels, income of his own, and ability to pay in at least equil manner to date. and his own place to live, renting is ok. However i have no plans on a dude moving in w/ me anytime soon.
When I was younger it was much the same.
 savona58
Joined: 9/23/2017
Msg: 68
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/28/2018 2:03:35 PM


Once again, it's all the man's fault.

I could watch Dr. Phil, and find out the same thing. I've said it before, I'll say it again. "If a man wants a successful relationship/ marriage. he has to give all of his interests the toss." He has to cater to the woman. I've heard this saying to death also-" If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." That one makes me cringe. Then my mind wanders back to when I was married. Just the meals I had to force myself to eat was bad enough. When I'd look forward to maybe one meal a week, (On a good week) that's when I decided that eating wasn't all that important. And once I seperated from her, I found my alcohol intake dropped to zero.

Meah, I'll stay single.


Mehhh you probably should ... stay single. Just saying
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 69
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/28/2018 4:53:33 PM

Look at "profile reviews"..people post in the profile review daily looking for help and in my personal opinion, they are given the same advice the previous 20 gentlemen have received.

Well yeah, it's the same 2-3 people (on a good day) who gives reviews, of course their reviews sound like a repetition of the prior. I have been suggesting that people get clear smiling pictures as opposed to weird unappealing ones, and I'll keep suggesting that. The best review threads are those that attract multiple opinions.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 70
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/28/2018 5:38:52 PM
That's pretty good that you could buy a house. My dream is to buy a house again one day but I'm not sure how many years down the road that could be. The cost of living was cheaper back when I got my first house 10 years ago. I've done the math and I probably won't even be in position to start to save for a downpayment on a home for a long time.. I've been slowly chipping away at my existing debts but my ever-growing lawyer bill will postpone it even longer. In the meantime I don't know what to do. There's not too many places around here to rent that rent to families with kids and what is for rent is expensive (supply and demand) so I won't be able to save for a downpayment. I'm pretty good with money, used to living on a budget but I kind of worry that owning a home will remain a pipe dream for me. I won't be able to get a home on my own. The only way to save money would be to live with someone so I could split the rent and utilities. I've been considering asking my brother if that would interest him, that way he could save money too. He would be easier to live with than my mom at least.
 Natey2
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 71
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/29/2018 1:36:38 AM
Msg 14:

Why not just stay single, then there is only one person to please?


Getting married (or into a committed relationship) moves one into a higher "index of volatility".

If you are familiar with stocks and investing, this is similar to the Beta of a stock.

In the real estate market, higher end properties also incur this greater volatility compared to lower end properties.

Basically, what it means is this:
when things are going real good, a couple will be much happier than a single person can be.
But when things are going real bad, a couple will be much more miserable than a single person will be.

Some people who don't want a high Beta (index of volatility) should remain single.

Just my opinions. Your mileage may vary.
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/29/2018 3:56:07 AM

I think for a lot of women though

Speak for yourself. I have a daughter who is 6 years younger than you. She owns two businesses that are growing quickly. The bulk of her time is spent working. extremely hard. She is on target to retire at a very young age, if she so desires. She does not require a man to make her life easier. She has a boyfriend but no desire to get married or have children. She always tells me, if I want grandchildren, I better talk to my other kid.


when things are going real good, a couple will be much happier than a single person can be.

My goodness, the brainwashed masses. There is no way in hell you can possibly be completely happy, unless you are coupled up.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 73
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/29/2018 4:36:41 AM

Stop trying to force a relationship with the wrong person...period. If you can't deal with the other person, look in a mirror, ask yourself what you are getting out of this, work on yourself, a person not a match for you, making choices are your job. You can spin your wheels for the rest of your life or you can take responsibility for why you are in a bad relationship.


IMHO, this is the smartest response in the entire thread.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 74
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/29/2018 4:41:27 AM

Basically, what it means is this:
when things are going real good, a couple will be much happier than a single person can be.
But when things are going real bad, a couple will be much more miserable than a single person will be.


No, what it means that my space is my own and I'm not reliant upon anybody to make me personally happy or to pay my mortgage. I'm independent of any relationship I have. Nobody gets to move in and live as a squatter, on my dime.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 75
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A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/29/2018 5:41:01 AM
^^^^ Excellent response!

"when things are going real good, a couple will be much happier than a single person can be."

Oh baloney! You fail to realise that not everyone thinks like you do. If we did, this world would be totally unrecognisable. Gads! Would that be a boring place to be.
Some of us bask in the light of individual achievement. "I did it myself, my way, and nobody can take that away from me." I did it. I don't need pats on the back. I'm happy with what I got.

It takes real individual strength to not let people like you rain on our parade.
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