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 SerenaStormBorn
Joined: 6/17/2018
Msg: 26
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Time wastersPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Don't let them waste your time. I meet people if possible within one week. Two weeks max. If it goes beyond that, then I move on.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 27
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Time wasters
Posted: 11/1/2018 8:36:34 AM

A possibility is that people can be insecure about their appearance. They want to make sure you will like them for their thoughts, humor, intelligence, etc BEFORE you meet face to face. Then their flaws have a better chance of being overlooked


That's my biggest reason for stalling. I want the guy to know my personality a bit before he meets me and dismisses me as a possibility based on looks. I would say my looks are okay though I'm not thin but I have curves in the right places but I still worry. I had one bad experience where a guy told me after a first meet that he's just not into fat girls. The thing is, at that point I did not even consider myself fat. Overweight yes but fat no. And I have been asked many many times on pof about my weight, a lot of guys see the few extra pounds thing on my profile and want to know before meeting. A few guys have ended convos because I told them my weight. The thing that I've noticed when looking at pof profiles of women in my region in their 30s like me, is that I'm actually fairly average. I think there's more women that weigh more than me than who way less than me plus I'm fairly fit as well so i have nothing to be worried about. But its still a major concern for me. If I lost another 20 pounds I would probably be willing to meet more guys.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 28
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Time wasters
Posted: 11/1/2018 10:22:53 AM

That's my biggest reason for stalling. I want the guy to know my personality a bit before he meets me and dismisses me as a possibility based on looks.
those are YOUR insecurities, not theirs. why not try a different approach for a brief period, you can always go back. add several full body shots (clothed) and 'ignore' your insecurities. proudly present yourself exactly as you are and make no excuses for who your not. many may dismiss you, but would of anyway. those that actually respond have already accepted your weight. as I said, you can always go back to what you have been doing.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 29
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Time wasters
Posted: 11/1/2018 11:10:49 AM

That's my biggest reason for stalling. I want the guy to know my personality a bit before he meets me and dismisses me as a possibility based on looks. I would say my looks are okay though I'm not thin but I have curves in the right places but I still worry.

(A) That's a reason, but not a justification for stalling. As pointed out, that's your problem, not theirs.

(B) If you DO look like your pictures IRL, and your pictures aren't "upgraded versions" of yourself, then stalling has zero advantage VS meeting right away. Only the negatives attributed with stalling come into play.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 30
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Time wasters
Posted: 11/1/2018 1:08:07 PM
One piece of logic about this with which I firmly agree, is that IF you are the sort of person who DOES become convinced that anyone who fails to act quickly to meet you is a "time waster," or some other negative appraisal, then by all means, you should ALWAYS discard anyone who fails to respond as you like during your time limit.

In the same way, if you are someone who feels rushed when someone wants rapid decisions about everything, you should ALSO not make any attempt to speed yourself up, just to please one of the fast-moving people.

I've seen many couplings fail with great pain and even more time lost to both people, because one or the other person tried to behave as the other person seemed to want, rather than obeying their own nature and sensibilities.

Above all, I am convinced of the simple fact that when it comes to finding a mate, people are either compatible or they are not.

What I firmly DO NOT support, is any attempt to try to push someone who is incompatible, to force themselves to try to BECOME compatible.

Nor do I see any point, or any honor, in insulting incompatible people, as though the fact that they are different, makes them inherently or intentionally offensive.

So while I still oppose calling slower moving people "Time Wasters," I fully support discarding them, if you are unsatisfied with how they deal with you. It's best for both you and them, that you do so.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 31
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Time wasters
Posted: 11/1/2018 1:55:11 PM

In the same way, if you are someone who feels rushed when someone wants rapid decisions about everything, you should ALSO not make any attempt to speed yourself up, just to please one of the fast-moving people.

I agree not to speed oneself up just to please another person moving "faster" than you. But I would say when one Feels this, they should first evaluate whether that person is moving "fast" or if I'm just moving "slow". It's not purely subjective, is my point. One could fall into an objectively speaking "fast" or "slow" lane. While there's nothing wrong with "fast" to meet if both people are comfortable with it -- and I agree one shouldn't move into an objectively "fast" lane unless they truly are -- there is something, I believe, objectively negative about being in a truly "slow" lane. Even if both parties are in said lane. If both are 100% comfortable with it, IF they do meet, and do jive well together, then that's not a big deal at the end of the day. But it doesn't mean they didn't go down an unnecessarily slow path, though.

Above all, I am convinced of the simple fact that when it comes to finding a mate, people are either compatible or they are not.

There is that, but I would also say some people are somewhat compatible but not optimally compatible off the bat -- usually due to outside circumstances (timing), but could be optimally compatible over time (and not miss the boat). Also, what about LTR couples who grow apart over time? Should they avoid "pushing" to become compatible, and just break up or divorce? :)

I would say that people evolve to one degree or another, whether they try or not. A couple can put a conscious effort into growing more together over time and do so (mine as well have your hands on the steering wheel of evolution) -- without one "pushing" the other. Of course, let me say this: With some couples, that's not a feasible option, and they Should "punt the ball" instead.

With people who are not coupled-up (yet?), I would say when there are some incompatibilities but no certain killers to it, I think that's where not expediating a relationship comes in as something good. But, in this "pre-relationship" phase, they may not be compatible to do so. I think two people can be compatible As a couple, but given certain circumstances, Not be compatible to Become a couple. The pre-relationship phase is driving a different boat.

Nor do I see any point, or any honor, in insulting incompatible people, as though the fact that they are different, makes them inherently or intentionally offensive.

I agree, if said incompatible person isn't being insulting to them directly or indirectly. That said though, I could see giving criticism -- hopefully constructive criticism -- to said incompatible person, if that incompatible person Objectively has a skewed mindset that's not in their own best interest either.

So while I still oppose calling slower moving people "Time Wasters," I fully support discarding them, if you are unsatisfied with how they deal with you.

I agree calling one "Time Waster" if they're merely going at a slowER pace than you is uncalled for -- if they're not objectively in the too-slow realm with strong indicators they probably won't want to meet up (thanks for wasting my time).

By default, folks aren't going to go the pen-pal method or anything much close to it. So the person who truly is going down a "slow" lane needs to make that point sooner rather than later, so not to potentially waste another's time. Many don't do that, because they know it'd ruin their chances to have someone to talk to and potentially/maybe meet.
 Natey2
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 32
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Time wasters
Posted: 11/1/2018 2:00:19 PM
Re: Msg 28, about weight, fat, etc.

Many people like to post their gym pics, but I posted a chart of my 5-year BMI (Body Mass Index) as a secondary profile pic, and POF deleted it.

Have the guys who call you fat/overweight post their BMI.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 33
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Time wasters
Posted: 11/1/2018 2:17:21 PM

Many people like to post their gym pics, but I posted a chart of my 5-year BMI (Body Mass Index) as a secondary profile pic, and POF deleted it.

Have the guys who call you fat/overweight post their BMI.
other than those heavily into diet and fitness, nobody cares. I would even venture to say most fitness freaks would have no interest and certainly wouldn't expect that on your profile or to even come up in conversation. for the most part, any concerns of weight are really concerns about appearance. my last 3 dates all disclosed weight without even a hint of a question. one was 107 and very proud of it, another bragged she fluctuates between 110 and 120 and the third was 145. all three could comfortably wear each others clothes (in theory or fantasy but never tested) yet a past LTR also weighed 145 and was clearly larger than the others.
 Natey2
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 34
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Time wasters
Posted: 11/1/2018 5:11:55 PM
I'm not into diet or fitness. But all the diet and fitness hype in some cities had better produce some quantitative results.
And BMI numbers may help curb people going round calling other people fat, overweight, etc. and show that spending more time/days in a gym does not always result in a better BMI compared to others.

Once you get the BMI of an abusive person who goes around calling people fat, be sure to compare him to another guy with a better BMI.
It works both ways.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 35
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Time wasters
Posted: 11/2/2018 6:49:49 AM

That's my biggest reason for stalling. I want the guy to know my personality a bit before he meets me and dismisses me as a possibility based on looks.



- It won't matter. People have talked online for months and even years and then found out within minutes of meeting they are not attracted, it happens everyday.

That said, online staking of social media is good. Find out all about them before they find out about you. Just don't take too long or you will waste time. Welcome to the cat and mouse game.
 HUMHUMA
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 36
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Time wasters
Posted: 11/3/2018 4:22:45 AM
lol...Really?.....while I'm not on the sight for a full out relationship do have some who chat with me and ask for advise....weather they take it is their choice......but have met some nice women and without malice.....can't talk for the men but in watching these forums most say the women back off after some chat here....it is what it is....the nature of the beast....in sights as these people say most anything and then there's the ones who don't have a life and sit here talking trash....lol...sorry for your luck and hope it turns for you!
 AdjBattle
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 37
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Time wasters
Posted: 11/4/2018 4:03:38 PM
Just seem to have suffered the time waster problem myself. I think in this case its people who are terrified of human interaction in person and so joins a dating site as a subsitute for it and abit of attention seeking.

I've been speaking to a girl that joined recently, lots of the same interests. 5-10 messages a day for two weeks and then when I ask if she would like to meetup sometime in the future. No she doesn't do meeting in person. So the purpose of her making a pof account, writing 4 paragraphs about herself and uploading lots of flattering photos was what?
 Cloud_Interpreter
Joined: 8/18/2018
Msg: 38
Time wasters
Posted: 11/4/2018 4:30:16 PM

So the purpose of her making a pof account, writing 4 paragraphs about herself and uploading lots of flattering photos was what?


Simple: Attention and or/and ego stroking.
 Carnival_Fishing
Joined: 10/2/2018
Msg: 39
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Time wasters
Posted: 11/4/2018 4:50:56 PM
5-10 messages a day for two weeks-with somebody you never met? That's insane. You should've asked to meet in person after 2 or 3 messages. It'll save lots of wasted time. If they don't want to meet in person, chances are they are not who they say they are.
 AdjBattle
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 40
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Time wasters
Posted: 11/4/2018 5:41:32 PM
Maybe its an age thing or that I mostly go for the shy type and talk about music and books, one-two weeks of messaging usually work out as a date. any less then that before asking usually ends in rejection.
Thats why I was surprised really that she had no interest in meeting up after that investment in time spent learning about me.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 41
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Time wasters
Posted: 11/4/2018 7:07:46 PM
^ Next time, don't get too emotionally invested in strangers. "She" could have been anyone on the other side of the computer or phone screen. Nothing is real until after you meet.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 42
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Time wasters
Posted: 11/4/2018 8:52:50 PM

I've been speaking to a girl that joined recently, lots of the same interests. 5-10 messages a day for two weeks and then when I ask if she would like to meetup sometime in the future. No she doesn't do meeting in person.

That's your fault for lasting more than 2 days of messaging that fruitfully. Not to say she's not a guilty party past the 1st two days -- but separately, you have to take the responsibility to yourself it went 2 weeks, not 2 days of wasted-time.

Some gals will preach the value of the pen-pal ("time-waster") game -- but don't let that fool you into holding off too long to suggest meeting up. The responsibility is on the person who wants to do the pen-pal charade despite living in the same city, to let it be known, but they always won't say so before much time's wasted.

Nothing is real until after you meet.

And nothing's worth being that important, until after you meat. ;)
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 43
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Time wasters
Posted: 11/4/2018 11:10:58 PM

- It won't matter. People have talked online for months and even years and then found out within minutes of meeting they are not attracted, it happens everyday.

Yes! And it's so dumb. I used to hang out at pubs a lot, so when doing OLD I figured let me chat to a guy just long enough for us to set a meet at a pub, and then I'll treat him the same as any other guy I met there for the first time. Either we both will like each other or not! But... it didn't work out that way. Guys wanted to chat forever which I have no interest in, and if I suggested a meeting early on... they were turned off. (shrugging emoticon) I don't know what the hell guys want so I took my picture down.
 lnitia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 44
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Time wasters
Posted: 11/25/2018 12:57:08 PM
If you feel it is a waste of time to send a few substantial messages don't do it. I have run into a resistance for myself as i choose to message at least to find commonalities b-4 even a talk on the phone. Why- i am not wasting your time- i am spending mine-b-cause, too often, i have been trapped on the phone "having my religious, political, social views relentlessly challenged" awkwardly trying to extract myself from a conversation with a lunatic. Or having a conversation where in i am insulted and, voicing such i am considered a lunatic.

The other is having very nice 1st or second dates that are a waste of my time and interest. Having a lovely date where mutual interest seems to be expressed, on that date indications of a second date-and followed with several excuse calls, breaking that date setting up another at a later date for three weeks or more-still no fruition is indeed a waste of my time. so would i rather know someone a bit, spend a little of my precious time upfront- to avoid wasting more of my precious time certainly. I can sit in my pajamas, hair a mess, unmanicured nails, face a mess, drinking coffee and relaxing or get all excited about a date- doing all my fun prep work, nice hair, polished filed nails, attractive outfit fitting the occasion, scheduling a day away from my home life ( i have much going on in home repairs-family health issues etc) for naught. Three "hello, how are you messages"- never exchanging names-when I ask for a name and a bit more info- he wants my number to text me- at this point i do not even know his name, maybe no picture, either- i am going to give you my phone number? for a text message? I would like a phone conversation- At least. When i ask for yours instead, i never hear from you again? You feel they are time wasters- they feel you are time wasters- so maybe the real issue and statement at hand here is OLD allows all of us our choice of where to waste our own time.
 NoFearLion
Joined: 11/17/2018
Msg: 46
Time wasters
Posted: 11/26/2018 12:01:07 AM

Why are there so many men (probably people) who message without any real intent? They chat for weeks without taking it any further and shy away from hints (or outright suggestions even) to meet. Opinions please. And what is your approach with people like that?


Because there are many men do not trust online dating. Generally speaking, online dating become a good source of those who are mentally disabled, broke, damaged, or looking for housing, in which they cannot find a real person in life. Social people do not need online dating.
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 47
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Time wasters
Posted: 11/26/2018 7:37:53 AM

Because there are many men do not trust online dating. Generally speaking, online dating become a good source of those who are mentally disabled, broke, damaged, or looking for housing, in which they cannot find a real person in life. Social people do not need online dating.


I dated a woman 18 months ago that was crazy, broke, damaged and in need of housing. She lived in private accommodation.

She was separated with 1 kid. She would go every week to sort exes finances out and said it's because people would take advantage(I thought of her instantly as the words come out). Guess where she is living again right now? You got it. She is living at her exes but got a POF profile that says she does and isn't cheating hahaha. Taking advantage of the guy.

Luckily 2 dates were within 5 days so not much time wasted. Other sh!t I heard was I'm on change so don't need to use contraception as can't get pregnant. 2/3 of the 2nd date was talking about my ghost of an exe of 17 years relationship(not dead just not relevant) and other 1/3 was talking about her ex.

Scum!
 Carnival_Fishing
Joined: 10/2/2018
Msg: 48
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Time wasters
Posted: 11/26/2018 8:07:10 AM
I've been on a couple of meets with women who don't drive, and therefore don't have a vehicle, who are looking to date someone who drives and owns a vehicle. So what they're after is a someone who will be their chauffeur/taxi cab driver.
If they happen to meet a guy who is a good match as well, that's a bonus.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 49
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Time wasters
Posted: 11/26/2018 8:56:25 AM
last 2 posts seem to be the norm or at least common. since my return to pof, ALL of my dates have been hard luck cases. meanwhile, prospects with a low pay job and splitting an appt. consider me a hard luck case!
 NoFearLion
Joined: 11/17/2018
Msg: 50
Time wasters
Posted: 11/26/2018 10:08:56 AM
Here is what you may get from dating pretty white women on POF.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mQs7iupzFg
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