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 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 76
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Time wastersPage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
well sure, if your not clicking, high pressure will just kill it quicker. my demand is small so no need to quit work. if I had thousands waiting their turn, messaging many at a time would streamline the process but it is still the same person when you finally meet. if anything, meeting early is low pressure and waiting several weeks would be more pressure. met right away and don't click, no pressure, just leave.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 77
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Time wasters
Posted: 1/6/2019 1:59:26 PM
"my demand is small so no need to quit work. "

Just like the many others demanding time.

Many small demanding people adds up to way too much time.

"no pressure, just leave."

I will bet that just about every woman has had too many guys who follow them and try to kiss goodbye even in crowded public places.

I will never forget the guy who screamed "What you don't want to be with me. What are you gay?"

The jerks ruin it for the nice folks.

I am sure men have just as many stories about trying to just leave meet and greets as women.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 78
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Time wasters
Posted: 1/6/2019 6:06:46 PM

"my demand is small so no need to quit work. "

Just like the many others demanding time.

Many small demanding people adds up to way too much time.
wasnt implying you should meet all them, I was stating the women demanding my time was small. when I am dating, I prefer to meet quick and either move forward or move on before wasting time. never been one to juggle hoards of women but online dating 'almost' requires you chat with several as most vanish quickly.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 79
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Time wasters
Posted: 1/6/2019 7:23:43 PM

I am sure men have just as many stories about trying to just leave meet and greets as women.

In terms of quantity - Hell to the No.
And I think that's a real sticking point with online or even dating in general. Guys DO get meetups they wish they had not -- no question -- but a real misunderstood point between the genders is the AMOUNT of times it happens.

I hate going back this far to old references, but this is from 2012 - and it is STILL no less true today...
http://jonmillward.com/blog/attraction-dating/cupid-on-trial-a-4-month-online-dating-experiment/

Attractive, tall men who know how to play the game can afford to be un-emotional douche bags because they KNOW women are not even trying to meet anything less. It's like playing the Keno numbers game with 2/3 of the card already filled out. Attractive women also know it -- and tend to play these dating sites for sport, not anything serious. What people won't talk about is where they fall in this Attention spectrum. Many lie or pretend they fit in with the Cool Kids, but the truth is most of us are stuck in the deep dark valley of, "Where do I REALLY fit in?" And the saddest part is that we keep looking at the top of the heap for answers, and rarely EVER look at who is right next to us.

Ordinary, average guys are going to get angry about rejection because their window of opportunity may not open for months, even years -- and then rejections usually happen within hours, if not minutes. Even the least 'fairest' of them all is going to get some attention -- so long as they pee sitting down. There are plenty of guys' profiles twisting in the wind like empty plastic grocery bags for years.

The demand on women's time is just ridiculous because of the volume of crap that is out there. Dozens upon dozens of brainless messages. It's no wonder they don't respond to most - and no wonder that the sheer volume tends to go to their head and create a false level of desirability.

I really wish women had the ability to switch off emotions while reading a lot of the crap messages, but they are wired to take it personally. I really wish guys were born with enough blood to run both heads at the same time, but we're not.

Changing the results of the game falls on nobody's shoulders but your own. We ALL want the Other person to reform a bit to match our demands, but that's a little like getting up before sunrise every morning and expecting it to rise out of the West. We need to change our own stance, our own direction - before ANYthing else can change. Start with the stupid vain restrictions on height and body type in here - and try reading what pops up.
 abc123drm
Joined: 12/29/2018
Msg: 80
Time wasters
Posted: 1/7/2019 4:12:56 AM

The demand on women's time is just ridiculous because of the volume of crap that is out there. Dozens upon dozens of brainless messages. It's no wonder they don't respond to most - and no wonder that the sheer volume tends to go to their head and create a false level of desirability.


Yeah, the problem is so many choices. It's like a kid in the candy store mentality. This is why some dating sites like OK Cupid and I think Bumble has adjusted solely based on the fact that the ladies won't have a full inbox. Those sites take on kind of a Sadie Hawkins stance to dating....women get to choose who contacts them.

I think some use these sites as an extension to their already increasing followers on Facebook. This is indicated by "Follow me on Instagram" in their profiles.


I really wish women had the ability to switch off emotions while reading a lot of the crap messages, but they are wired to take it personally. I really wish guys were born with enough blood to run both heads at the same time, but we're not.


Yeah, I've seen several women express their frustrations in their own dating profiles. I can't help but sympathize. I try to lead with that in my initial email to them. lol "Sorry to hear of your frustration..." and go from there.

I know women I met and dated in real life (not in online dating) that they signed up for a dating site for like a couple of days and deleted their accounts because they found the amount (and content) of emails was too overwhelming. They just didn't want to deal with it.

I have found that I've had the best success of even getting a response and date from a woman online was when they were brand new to the site. I struck while the iron was hot. I find that the longer they've been on here, the less likely they'll respond, much less waste their time.

Also, I had better success with dating women that weren't on dating sites and if they were, they checked into the site only once a week. They also had NO social media presence. TWO of them had no Internet access at home.

Bottom line, I had better success with women that weren't plugged in. If they were, they weren't obsessed with their social media. A couple of them barely posted anything about themselves. If anything , they were TAGGED by friends via uploaded pics of event on her friends' end.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 81
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Time wasters
Posted: 1/7/2019 5:46:52 AM
I won't meet anyone till I've messaged them a week or two and got a good feel for them
I won't give out my phone number until we've had a few good texting conversations.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 82
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Time wasters
Posted: 1/7/2019 7:21:30 AM

I am sure men have just as many stories about trying to just leave meet and greets as women.
Bad first dates / meetings can happen on occasion here and there. But most of my first dates / meetings were cordial even when there wasn't enough mutual attraction / interest for another date. As I said to Literate Hiker, when people constantly complain about bad dates, then they should at least reevaluate their approach to OLD.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 83
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Time wasters
Posted: 1/7/2019 11:31:39 AM
When I was using OLD, I didn't give out my phone number until we'd actually made plans to meet, not just because they asked for it. I didn't meet someone unless we'd chatted on the phone and I got a feel for their conversational skills, not just because they asked. From my experience, too many men wanted to meet way too quick based off a few pictures and messages. When I was using OLD, it was to date w/ the intention of being in a LTR so I was not going to meet every Tom, D*ck & Harry just because we liked each other's photos.

If ^^^ that made me a "time waster", so be it. It was also a waste of time (& gas) meeting people too quickly just to find out you want the date to end ASAP.

People who get a lot of hits on dating sites, typically attractive women, can afford to be pickier when it comes to real-life meetings and not just meet any and every person who messages them.
 dinno76
Joined: 7/13/2018
Msg: 84
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Time wasters
Posted: 1/7/2019 4:46:18 PM
Maybe they do not have a vehicle to get around in.In Dating can be very difficult if you do not have a vehicle to get around in.
 dinno76
Joined: 7/13/2018
Msg: 85
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Time wasters
Posted: 1/7/2019 4:52:11 PM
Many people will not date someone who doesn't have a vehicle. I guess they do not want to be a taxi service for someone else.
 pfif
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 86
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Time wasters
Posted: 1/8/2019 6:01:40 PM
I don't see any difference between what people are
calling online dating, and what we did back in the
BBS days (ending around 1993 or so).

The main difference was the size of the dating pool;
everybody knew everybody else (and who had been
out with who else). It was kind of a madhouse.

No worse than high school, though. ;)

The process was exactly the same: computer mediated
communications, or the dial-up telephone network. There
was (almost) guaranteed geographical proximity, since
most people did not wish to incur toll charges to call the
BBS (via MODEM).

Typical driving distance for a meet was 30 miles (or less).

We often met in groups, including informal meets in a
parking lot.

Sex was generally organized one on one, I think. ;)

I'm pretty sure that that stuff (the sex; most people of
both genders had stories to tell -- and tell, they did)
was based on the online typing fantasy modalities (by
fantasy I just mean that people somehow got into each
other's emotions by typing; it was kind of potent to tell
your private thoughts -- ones difficult to express in a
conversation -- in some detail, and have it be (very)
well received).

The HSR was automatic, and noticed by me. ;)

ALL THAT ended when the Internet Service Provider
accounts became available (around 1994 or so). The
secret sauce was guaranteed geographical proximity,
and a small pool of competitors (only computer geeks
took an interest, this early on).

That, and the very ability (for the very first time!) to
be *able* and *privileged* to type one's private thoughts,
to another, in more or less real time, and have it be
appreciated -- and quite anonymously.

Over 20 mile distances. At three in the morning.

With a willing partner.

. . .

It was kind of a game to guess at what the person must
really be like: many stuck to online-only stuff, so we
never knew if they were really Ms. Hottie McHott

.. or "Bob .. from prison".

Photo exchanges were rare, by the way -- we did not need them!

It worked just as good without 'em.


(posting your 'JPEG' meant access to photography and
having the emulsion film developed and printed, and then
access to a flat bed scanner -- people rarely bothered;
the few who did used their high school yearbook photo,
or somesuch)
 Clear_River
Joined: 1/6/2018
Msg: 87
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Time wasters
Posted: 1/12/2019 10:18:54 AM
"I won't meet anyone till I've messaged them a week or two and got a good feel for them
I won't give out my phone number until we've had a few good texting conversations."

Same, a week is a decent amount of time for me to know whether I want to take it a little further.

If a guy doesn't want to wait then bye lol.
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