Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 26
view profile
History
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamyPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
msg#25:
You could try a estrogen birth control pill, they really kill sex drives lol.
For some reason my sex drive is not insanely high but it's probably because I gorge on soy products.
It was annoying when it was too high


When you're young it seems the sex drive is just this free floating thing that isn't really attached to 'you' in particular or aimed at 'anyone' in particular---its sort of a miasma of hormones and drives that people of a certain age group share that keeps the babies coming.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 27
view profile
History
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 11/25/2018 4:49:41 AM

I've heard the staying power of older guys is not good.

Pfffft! Not my experience at all!!


a monogamous FWB " that is a girlfriend. That is not an FWB

Well it sure can be a monogamous FWB.....did it for many years myself.
We had no desire to be in a relationship....and no desire to be sexual with "just anyone".
We were (and still are) true friends....who got together for intimacy/sex every now and then.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 28
view profile
History
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 11/25/2018 7:28:38 AM

I really think I just have a really hyper sex drive.


Not really. Thinking about sex with every appropriate (deemed by you) man you see on the street is NOT a hyper sex drive.
It’s probably just a really good imagination.

A hyper sex drive would have you propositioning them on the street and dragging them into an alleyway to scratch your itch. A hyper sex drive would have you not even considering age or anything else other than ‘Can he perform? Now!”

For what it’s worth, I haven’t had sex with anyone in over 13 or 14 years.
I’m still alive and reasonably happy.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 29
view profile
History
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 11/25/2018 9:24:28 AM

For what it’s worth, I haven’t had sex with anyone in over 13 or 14 years.
I’m still alive and reasonably happy.



LMAO, OMG 2ufo, How in thee hell, can you possibly still be alive? You MUST be on life support! It's not possible! Woman can not live on bread alone. !

LOL, Please explain how this is humanly possible.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 30
view profile
History
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 11/25/2018 1:50:05 PM

Now THAT would constitute a drought.

This is not the kind of thing that I have kept records on, so I can’t say for certain, but I don’t believe I’ve ever gone a full year with no sex at all. What I did experience was a period of about 10 years where I only had sex once every few months, maybe 2, 3, 4 times a year. Depends on how long before I got desperate enough to ask for and accept a pity f___.

A really, really bad thing. Destroyed my morale, my self-respect, left me with a bad case of chronic depression that required 7 months of therapy to get over. And the worst part? It was all on my head, no one to blame but me. I was not locked in a cage, no one held a gun to my head.

Ah, well, my life is pretty good now. No complaints.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!


I only mention it because 7 years sounds like a long time. And it's only a drought if I were "thirsty".

But not only didn't I not have an interest in dating, I never even thought about it. I sort of got dragged into dating by circumstances.

One reason was my single male friend who was ~45 and rarely dated (never saw him date, but it was rumored he had done so) hooked up with someone from eharmony who he eventually dated and married. So that left me as part of a threesomen, and not in a sexy way. Then his gf/wife kept pushing me to sign up for eharmony, even setting me up with this blind date. BTW, not someone I would have ever chosen to date, attractive enough but flaky to my my POV.

Still, that wasn't really enough to get me into dating.

What really was the catalyst was traveling to Thailand with a young (platonic) woman friend. She was to show me the ropes in Thailand, but after a few weeks she hooked up with a Thai man and I again became a third wheel, but this time I couldn't "get away" since I was stuck in Bangkok with them both. She was kind enough to drag me along, but now it was predicated on his schedule / interests. It was a "interesting and weird" time as he was 22 with 22 year old friends, she was 38 and I was 58. We couldn't be any more different as she was into the steampunk/anime scene.

So I took off on my own, and a single western man visiting a bar in Thailand is 100% guaranteed to attract a GF. Which happened the first time I went into a bar.

One thing led to another, with me deciding to visit a local doctor to amp up my testosterone / sex drive. Which worked wonders and by the way,after a few months turned me into all the hormones of a ranging teen-ager with the staying power of an older adult.. Another werid experience, your thinking really does change with your hormones.

So I have had the long "drought" then closely followed by a crazy monkey sex span with sex up to 5 times in one day, now sort of a normal middle of the road sex life. My conclusion, it's (nearly) all about your hormone level.

Hope you all had a good thanksgiving as well.
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 31
view profile
History
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 11/27/2018 7:46:36 AM

A hyper sex drive would have you propositioning them on the street and dragging them into an alleyway to scratch your itch. A hyper sex drive would have you not even considering age or anything else other than ‘Can he perform? Now!”


The behavior of a sex addict. Potentially very dangerous.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 32
view profile
History
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 11/29/2018 3:36:44 PM
@July.. " And hate sex is actually not that bad tbh"

I never heard of the term having "hate sex" it seems to be an oxymoron. What in the world do you mean?
I've heard of revenge sex, make up sex. Hate sex, never.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 33
view profile
History
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 11/29/2018 7:34:28 PM

hate sex is actually not that bad tbh

Otherwise known as "abstinence"? or "sexual assault"?
 Don56789
Joined: 11/19/2017
Msg: 34
view profile
History
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 11/29/2018 11:54:32 PM
Try to find what you really want, would suit you at the moment, it (probably) exists.

Personally, I would like a long-term relationship with a good lady, but if I can't find that now, I could settle for a simple girlfriend or a FWB. A FWB with someone I really feel like being with, not just anyone I find attractive.

Nothing is simple but if you want simple, do the more casual stuff. ;-)
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 35
view profile
History
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 11/30/2018 12:37:21 AM
Hate sex is when you really thoroughly hate someone and you put all your energy into having sex with them. Full of angry passion, only good if both people share the same passion. When too people dislike each other but when serious sexual tension develops.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 36
view profile
History
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 11/30/2018 11:18:30 AM
"Hate sex is when you really thoroughly hate someone and you put all your energy into having sex with them. Full of angry passion, only good if both people share the same passion. When too people dislike each other but when serious sexual tension develops."

Hate is a very strong word and If I loathed someone I could never have sex with them. This sounds like a very unhealthy and dysfunctional sex life. I've never heard of such a thing. I can not feel passionately about someone I "hate". I don't hate anyone but if I had, contempt, disrespect or derision against someone I could never f&ck them. I wouldn't even want to be in the same room. I absolutely do not understand how "sexual tension" could even develop unless both people had mental illness.
 lnitia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 37
view profile
History
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 11/30/2018 6:21:56 PM

I absolutely do not understand how "sexual tension" could even develop unless both people had mental illness.
too funny Penny!! but diagnosed mentally ill make better personal choices than the "hate sex" lol enough counseling therapy and treatment- but possibly undiagnosed or treated mentally ill- lots of them running around.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 38
view profile
History
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 12/1/2018 10:14:15 AM
Haven't you ever watched characters in movies and tv shows yelling at each other all angry and stuff and then boom, they start making out and having sex?
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 39
view profile
History
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 12/1/2018 11:12:31 AM
@July..
"Haven't you ever watched characters in movies and tv shows yelling at each other all angry and stuff and then boom, they start making out and having sex?"

Yes in foolish Soap Operas and in romantic comedies. In Hollywould but that doesn't mean July should.

That was not what you originally described here:
"Hate sex is when you really thoroughly hate someone and you put all your energy into having sex with them. Full of angry passion, only good if both people share the same passion. When too people dislike each other but when serious sexual tension develops."

You want to live your life like a Soap Opera that's your choice but remember you are the one writing the script. No one or situation to blame it on but yourself.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjT_NlbZhco
 lnitia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 40
view profile
History
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 12/1/2018 7:58:19 PM
Yes Fiction and real life important differentiation- from ages 11 to 13 i enjoyed harlequin romances- lol and upon reading my 600th one with same exact story/plotline innocent, naive, broke, moderately pretty (but was not aware of her sexyness)young woman and older, experienced handsome, rich man, meet: instant dislike and tension-ending in spankings/fiery make out sessions/ marriage-maybe full on sex- i bout puked as i threw the book in the trash- and never read another one(puberty lol) stopped believing disney princess stories too, Cinderella is not real-no fairy godmothers or princes trying to find my foot- or wake me from my sleep-ho;;ywood romance, not ever my first choice of movies- much prefer dark European drama with reality based endings.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 41
view profile
History
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 12/1/2018 8:37:29 PM
I for one can honestly say, if a man, any man, was either yelling at me, cursing me, belittling me, putting me down in any way shape or form, in general just being an ass...…………….sex...………. was the LAST thing, he was going to get.
 WorkPlayHaveFun
Joined: 10/20/2018
Msg: 42
view profile
History
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 12/2/2018 6:37:15 AM
I've found that having one or two FWB actually makes dating easier. You are less concerned with doing everything right so you get laid and are instead able to focus on the person and whether you are both compatible.

I have one FWB I met on here back in 2009 or so. We were fairly compatible, had a lot in common, and equally large sex drives. She had a ton of things going on in her life and I "chased" her for about 4 months. She finally let herself be "caught" as I was decided it wasn't worth the effort. Needless to say it fell apart right after that.

However; the sex was great. She was willing to teach me what she liked and how she liked it and I was a willing student. Whenever either of us was single we'd get a hold of the other and see where they were. That was the main rule ... we wouldn't interfere with the others chance at a happy relationship. There were other rules, they were about making sure we wouldn't get hurt, hurt the other, or give them something that wouldn't wash off.

Sex, at least to me, isn't about just getting off. It's about a connection, even if fleeting, that we all need even if its just for a few hours. Sure getting off is great but a sock takes 1/3 the time, a ton less energy, doesn't tell me to "pound it like a jackhammer", and you toss it in the washer for cleanup.

For me, I have a large sex drive, I also have a need for a connection and physical touch frequently. So for me a FWB makes sense. It keeps me from being over aggressive on dates because I'm not worried about getting laid, I also won't lead someone on I don't see a future with just to get laid. The rules I've set up with my FWBs dictate that I tell them when I'm sexually active with someone else and vice versa. My personal morals dictate that I wont sleep with a FWB once I've started sleeping with someone I'm interested in dating.

So sit down and have a real conversation with yourself. What are your wants, what are your needs, and what do your personal morals dictate? Figure out something that works for you within those boundaries.

One caution ... Frequently one half of the FWB enters in to it hoping/expecting that it will lead to something more with that person. You need to have firm boundaries/rules, one of which is if feelings change it needs to be discussed openly and quickly.
 lnitia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 43
view profile
History
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 12/2/2018 1:07:06 PM
Everybodies' input has been marvelously helpful-I do appreciate it-And offers insight and much for me to consider; in the long talk and decision with/for self.. definitely not acquiring more time in life lol!! None of us get that option! Blessings be
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 44
view profile
History
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 12/2/2018 9:52:42 PM

One caution ... Frequently one half of the FWB enters in to it hoping/expecting that it will lead to something more with that person.

Sounds messy AF. Not for me. If I am not interested in a man romantically and don't want him as my partner, I won't have the desire to be in bed with him.
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy