Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > How long did it take to get your divorce/separation finalized and mov      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 26
view profile
History
How long did it take to get your divorce/separation finalized and move on with your life?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)

I daydreamed about breaking up with him since the month we got together


You missed that bus when it came to your stop.


I spent the last couple years with him fantasizing about his death.


Toxic.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 27
view profile
History
How long did it take to get your divorce/separation finalized and move on with your life?
Posted: 11/27/2018 7:25:45 PM
Good grief, ………………...jealousy...…….anger...………….blame...…………..he he he , her ,her ,her...………...It's ALL on them, him ,her ,they...…………….while poor lil' MsJuly just sat around watching...……….helplessly doing nothing...…………

Has it ever occurred to you July that YOU participated ……………..you were there, you allowed ………………..
Go ahead get angry, then look in the mirror. YOU are the reason you feel angry. Not him, not her, not them.

You and only you have the power to change...…………...it's your life...…………….Do you really want to stay imprisoned in your own misery? Do you really want to come back HERE a year from now, and read what you wrote...………….and realize nothing has changed? …………………….?no?


Follow the advice of virtually everyone...……………..seek help. It IS for your own good.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 28
view profile
History
How long did it take to get your divorce/separation finalized and move on with your life?
Posted: 11/28/2018 6:42:11 AM
You don't know me. You just hear the feelings I expound on here. I've come a hell of a way in the last year. I'm so different than a year ago. Much happier now with a much clearer head. I'm doing pretty good. Anyone who knew me then and knows me now would tell you that. Time marches on and I am moving on.
 Carnival_Fishing
Joined: 10/2/2018
Msg: 29
view profile
History
How long did it take to get your divorce/separation finalized and move on with your life?
Posted: 11/28/2018 6:47:34 AM

Msg 25: He wouldn't let me break up with him...


Did he physically restrain you-chain you up? If not, YOU didn't want to break up with him. I agree with LIR-take responsibility for your actions instead of blaming him/her /whoever else you can blame. I pity the kids, because you're leading them to believe that your weird behavior is normal-which it's not.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 30
view profile
History
How long did it take to get your divorce/separation finalized and move on with your life?
Posted: 11/28/2018 10:26:23 AM
He didn't physically restrain me, just scared me. He is a really big guy and I always feared that if I left him he would snap and kill me. When we had only been together a year and I went to visit my family with my daughter he told me that if I ever tried to take her and move away with her that he would make it the last thing I did. And he made similar threats since hinting at killing me or my family. Once he told me that if I ever tried to hide from him he would go and hurt someone in my family like my mom. Sometimes he would get really depressed and tell me if I ever left him he would kill himself. There were these periods of time here and there where I realized something was mentally wrong with him. He would go long periods being and acting normal though too. He was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. When he was in his bad frame of mind I walked on eggshells, he constantly yell, swore, called me names, broke things, etc. He'd raise his fist at me and punch the wall behind me instead. And the sex was very rough and he'd hurt me that way. But then there were periods of time where we got along good, he kept his job, was really good with the kids, etc. I did not leave him. My fears were not mine alone. His parents tried to placate him. A few times his sisters told me they were worried he was going to do something, my own mother said she never told me to leave him because she worried what he'd do, my brothers said if he wasn't such a big guy they would have tried to help me leave him. Something I hadn't knowm until a few years into our relationship is he'd had a history of hitting women when he was in his teens and had been put in the psych ward a few times for uttering death threats or suicide threats. For those who think it is so damn easy to leave someone like that you have to understand that fears ARE chains. And when you are constantly hearing about women getting killed by their spouses on the news, you hesitate to do anything.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 31
view profile
History
How long did it take to get your divorce/separation finalized and move on with your life?
Posted: 11/28/2018 11:34:48 AM

why why why why why why why why


^^ Because he is psychotic, and you are not only a trampled on doormat ~ but you need some serious mental help yourself. HE is a piece of trash not worth saving, but you are decent human being. ( my advice? ) If you REFUSE to seek the help you OBVIOUSLY need, then quit f-in complaining about your situation.

heart / sun
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 32
view profile
History
How long did it take to get your divorce/separation finalized and move on with your life?
Posted: 11/28/2018 12:15:31 PM

You don't know me.


But we've seen the same story a countless number of times.

Only the names and places change.

Textbook.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 33
view profile
History
How long did it take to get your divorce/separation finalized and move on with your life?
Posted: 11/28/2018 2:18:40 PM

For those who think it is so damn easy to leave someone like that you have to understand that fears ARE chains. And when you are constantly hearing about women getting killed by their spouses on the news, you hesitate to do anything.



LOL, Evil laugh, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO actually, I called the police several times, I saw a lawyer, I went to my first Al-Anon meeting, and finally, I was granted with a restraining order.
During my marriage, my then husband made a remark, "If (He used the name of his first wife) ever pulled a gun on me, I could just stand here and talk her out of pulling the trigger. If you ever pull a gun on me, I'd better run for my life!" I simply smiled, and nodded.
I chose to protect myself and my children.

A few years later, my mother got me involved in a confrontation with my father. I for warned him. When I left their house he was laying on the kitchen floor, in his undies, in the fetal position, blood coming from his nose. When my mother finally left that man, I paid him a little visit. He did as I told him. We never saw him again. He left the country and went to live in the Philippines.


I grew up in an abusive environment, I married an abusive man. I learned (JHC I hate repeating myself) to take responsibility for myself, to change my way of thinking, to love myself and last, but certainly not least, I taught my children by my actions. I showed them they could trust me to keep them safe. I showed them that trust IS love.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 34
view profile
History
How long did it take to get your divorce/separation finalized and move on with your life?
Posted: 11/28/2018 2:52:52 PM

When we had only been together a year and I went to visit my family with my daughter he told me that if I ever tried to take her and move away with her that he would make it the last thing I did.


And you made the decision to have two more children with him - making it three times more difficult to leave and be on your own.

You have stated that you had more children because you wanted more and wanted your first to have a sibling(s).

You made a selfish choice and put you all in danger. Period. End of. Make all the excuses you want but it is crystal clear.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 35
view profile
History
How long did it take to get your divorce/separation finalized and move on with your life?
Posted: 11/28/2018 4:30:20 PM
Excuses, excuses, excuses.

When times were bad, they were very, very bad.
When times were good, they simply weren’t so bad but you decided that the so-called good times would compensate for the bad times because he was working, because he wasn’t yelling/threatening, etc.... and everything was hunky-dory.

There’s loyalty and staying with a guy through bad times and then there’s staying with a bad guy.

The second time I noticed a boyfriend got drunk coming home from his AA meeting, I left. Because it was obvious that the alcohol was more important than I was. The first time he begged forgiveness and promised he’d never do so again.

The first time a boyfriend (different) told me that if I didn’t xyz, he’d kill himself. I left him emotionally that night and physically as soon as I could (within a month as I recall).

If I start walking on eggshells because a guy is physically violently angry at me, I’m walking away on those eggshells.

You can feel all kinds of bad and regretful.
Feelings don’t mean anything.
Actions count.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 36
view profile
History
How long did it take to get your divorce/separation finalized and move on with your life?
Posted: 11/29/2018 6:51:46 AM
Fine. I don't disagree with you. I will just say that hindsight is 20/20. I wish I had been braver but I wasn't. I actually feel quite a lot of shame about it.

What is it you would like me to say? That I'll go to counselling? I did go for the 6 free sessions last year that I get through my work plan but I didn't connect with my counsellor at all and I think it was because it was done over a computer screen, I wish I could have actually seen someone in person. And seeing a counsellor around here is basically not going to happen as its too expensive, if I lived in the city maybe but I don't. Keep in mind the only reason I'm dredging up this stuff is I was trying to defend myself and I lack someone to talk to as it is.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 37
view profile
History
How long did it take to get your divorce/separation finalized and move on with your life?
Posted: 11/29/2018 1:39:33 PM
July, you can start here.

Al‑Anon is a mutual support program for people whose lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking. By sharing common experiences and applying the Al-Anon principles, families and friends of alcoholics can bring positive changes to their individual situations, whether or not the alcoholic admits the existence of a drinking problem or seeks help.

https://al-anon.org/newcomers/self-quiz/
https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/find-an-al-anon-meeting/

Wednesday Just For Today AFG
Wednesday 8:00 PM
Westview United Church
355 Bradbrooke Dr, Yorkton, SK, S3N 2K7, CANADA

Growing With Us AFG
Monday 8:00 PM
St. Paul Lutheran Church
73 Smith St E, Yorkton, SK, S3N 0H6, CANADA

Survival to Recovery AFG
Friday 7:00 PM
St. Paul's Lutheran Church
73 Smith Street East, Yorkton, SK, S3N 0H6, CANADA
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 38
view profile
History
How long did it take to get your divorce/separation finalized and move on with your life?
Posted: 11/29/2018 8:47:54 PM
He wasn't a drinker though. He actually never drank when we were together, apparently before we were together he got quite violent drinking but that was before my time with him.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 39
view profile
History
How long did it take to get your divorce/separation finalized and move on with your life?
Posted: 11/30/2018 5:44:07 PM
"However, I am also aware that my father had a lot of trauma in his childhood and adolescence which let to a drinking problem and self-sabotaging relationships, including that of his marriage to my mom. He was married thrice. "
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > How long did it take to get your divorce/separation finalized and move on with your life?