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 Carnival_Fishing
Joined: 10/2/2018
Msg: 26
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If looks do matter.Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
"... he has slept with other women these past 5 months"

Good reason to get tested for STD's.
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 27
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 11/30/2018 9:29:50 AM
"I am not really sure if this league thing really exists. The reason is because what some one finds attractive is different."

>>>sometimes this is true. And sometimes we change what we want as we get older. some of us may just want someone we work closely with daily b/c a bond forms, and yet that person isn't what we normally glom onto. and some fellows will declare about a lady, "i don't know what it is, but man i want her". Usually its that she's above average in looks, and sends out a sexual tension that says she's as interested in getting laid as he is, and he won't have to do a lot of courting just to get shot into the friendzone. but most times, guys will agree on a certain celebrity they think is attractive--and that celebrity tends to get paid a lot to show up in rom-coms and other movies. probably not b/c their acting skill eclypse anyone else's :)

generally, attraction is common. and what is unattractive (excessive weight, uncleanliness, etc) can also be agreed upon by the masses. its like being rich--we may all have a different idea of what payscale represents wealth, but if you think (for example) $80,000 per anum is the lowest amount, you probably won't look at someone making $79,999 and declare they didn't make the cut off. Most people can agree that someone they all know is rich or broke. some may disagree out of jealousy. but those responding honestly, have a general idea that others agree with.

"good reason to get tested for STD's"

>>>now now, she wants something to remember him by :)
 KatINFJ79
Joined: 11/17/2018
Msg: 28
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 11/30/2018 9:52:00 AM
Your looks aren't the issue. The first thing that I notice when I look at your profile is that you're a single man in his 40's who still hasn't had a significant relationship (1 year is not significant it looks like commitment issues). Other than that your profile really doesn't paint a picture of who you are. Every person claims to be not your average person which when it comes down to it people are generally the same, don't openly claim it, show it, give examples of what actually makes you unique without all the direct hype. Good luck with finding the one.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 29
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 11/30/2018 11:08:01 AM
Of course looks matter. We are biologically made that way. I know when I look at certain men that I would jump their bones in a New York minute. They don't know it but I know it. I don't think anyone wants to f7ck ugly unless they are very desperate or they are drunk having had one too many. I think they call it "beer goggles."

To think looks don't matter is naive. Attraction is the first thing that draws you to someone. Men my age and younger than me tell me they find me attractive. That's why they message me in the first place I assume. Otherwise my inbox would be empty. I've never had a message where someone said. "Hey I think your hideous, would you like to chat?"

So yes, looks do matter. However it is subjective. While one woman may find you repulsive another will think you are average and another may think you are drop dead gorgeous. After all....

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder " ~Margaret Wolfe Hungerford.

https://www.bloomsbury-international.com/en/student-ezone/idiom-of-the-week/list-of-itioms/100-beauty-is-in-the-eye-of-the-beholder.html
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 30
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 11/30/2018 12:37:51 PM

If looks do matter.


"IF?"

I have looked at literally THOUSANDS of women's profiles over the years, and have seen the phrase "tall, dark, and handsome" many times in describing the type of man a woman was looking for, but I have yet to ever see a woman claim that she was looking for "short, dark, and ugly", or even "short. dark, and average-looking."

And I can count on one hand the number of times when even a short woman said she was NOT interested in a guy over 6 feet, (because they didn't want to strain their neck constantly looking up).


I've been on POF for quite sometime and I've yet to find the right person.


Welcome to the club.
The meeting will begin in a few minutes.
Coffee and donuts are on the table in back.


I'm at the point I don't know what women look for anymore


1) 6 feet tall.
2) Male model (or at least male model looks)
3) Own and drive a $1.4 million Ferrari LaFerrari.

And that's why you see so many online day after day, week after week, month after month, with apparently no results.
Because guys fitting that description are not that common.


I'm not perfect, but I can't be that horrible either.


There are millions of guys online who are average.
Why do people suppose the millions of women online who are SUPPOSEDLY not looking for the 6 foot male model with the Ferrari, are not snatching them up?
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 31
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 11/30/2018 1:46:20 PM
^^ Because there is so much delusion, posturing & posing online as well as IRL
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 32
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 11/30/2018 5:49:05 PM

Here's to hoping you learned something about yourself from this. Maybe you could use the lesson to help make better choices for yourself in the future.


Obviously not....with comments like this....

I will miss him a lot. I am just grateful that a guy like him ever paid me so much attention.

it proves she hasn't learned a thing!
Grateful for a man that was out porking everything available the whole time he was sleeping with her....
Grateful for a man that didn't respect her enough to even take her out for a $1 burger....

Shakes head and wonders why the hell we are even trying to give the girl some advise....
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 33
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 11/30/2018 6:35:55 PM
I agree, she's either dead set on bottom feeding to ruin her life, or she's trolling BS just to get attention. Either way...what is she really getting out of it. It is deeply sad.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 34
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 11/30/2018 7:59:11 PM

I knew the risk of fwb was that I would likely get hurt because I'd get attached. Now its happened and no use complaining. He was never my boyfriend, we never 3ver went out on a date, he has slept with other women these past 5 months so I'm obviously not important to him.


That's an FWB? Sounds more like he treated you as a cum dumpster.


I will miss him a lot. I am just grateful that a guy like him ever paid me so much attention. We will remain friends, we friended each other on Facebook so at least I'll get to know what happens to him in life rather than just never knowing.


He did what it took to get you to open up...

your legs.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 35
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 11/30/2018 11:08:08 PM
We talked last night and had really really good sex. I would not say I'm being used at all because he is a pretty damn good lover and put a lot of effort into making me feel good and these past 5 months he was always texting me to ask me how I was doing and we were there for each other to talk about our mutual messy divorce/custody issues and a lot about our kids and stuff. I was getting stuff out of it too and I am the one who initiated the fwb thing as well. We talked about a few things and I found out he hasn't been sleeping with other women for the while, not since June actually which surprised me. And we said our goodbyes but we didn't really say goodbyes, we said we'd be friends and I think we will be. I can honestly say that I truly believe he does care about me, even if not necessarily romantically. I think moving far away was always a very likely possibility and he kept things casual as a result.

Regarding a fwb relationship, I've talked to a few people and they agree with me, that fwb does not entail going out together anywhere. As soon as you go out together anywhere, suddenly the whole town is thinking you are dating. Maybe in smaller towns, that is a major difference. Plus, between us, we always had our kids so logistically, it was easier not to go out. My mom was home in bed with my kids in bed when I'd go over to his place and his kids were in bed. I think both of us were just in the same places in our lives, neither in a position to be in a relationship but both of us wanting/needing companionship.
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 36
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 2:46:48 AM
July, if the last few months brought you emotional & physical relief, take it for what it is worth & move forward.

We all deserve happiness & love in our lives.
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 4:39:03 AM

it proves she hasn't learned a thing!
Grateful for a man that was out porking everything available the whole time he was sleeping with her....
Grateful for a man that didn't respect her enough to even take her out for a $1 burger....

While I agree that she probably didn't learn any lesson , at the same time, this was a FWB relationship or feck buddy. I really don't think there was any obligation for either to remain faithful to one another, or take each other out for burgers. The very nature of these relationships probably would be a disincentive to do these very things. Most men are acutely aware, most women will develop feelings in this sort of situation. I think they would be wise to hold back from anything that could be misinterpreted as relationship possibility. I think most smart people are quite aware the majority of women use these situations as an " in" to a relationship with a man. My own son recently stated he quit having these types of relationships with women because they always ended up wanting a relationship and he always ended up the "bad" guy. As far as July and her fwb go, he probably knew exactly what he was doing and gave her exactly what she asked for. She needs to learn to set the bar way higher if she is ever going to find a man to treat her well. Settling to be someones cum dumpster certainly isn't going to get her to her desired result. She will have some excuse though, as to why she can't get better. Another chapter in the July Unlucky In Love Romance Novel.
 Carnival_Fishing
Joined: 10/2/2018
Msg: 38
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 6:46:32 AM
" I really don't think there was any obligation for either to remain faithful to one another, or take each other out for burgers."

So the situation each time is July shows up to his place, they f__k, then she goes home. The guy saved himself a lot of money by not having to hire a hooker to do the same thing.
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 7:33:04 AM

So the situation each time is July shows up to his place, they f__k, then she goes home. The guy saved himself a lot of money by not having to hire a hooker to do the same thing.

BINGO!. She required nothing more from this man and that is exactly what she got. If you want to participate in these type of arrangements you should not expect the girlfriend treatment. Until she learns to require more from herself and a man, she can expect the same treatment. She doesn't seem to mind though, the sex was good.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 40
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 8:35:02 AM

Another chapter in the July Unlucky In Love Romance Novel


omg, I see I'm not the only one thinking the postings of July, will become a new best seller. The handwriting is on the wall, (oops sorry, I mean, "in the POF Forums"), Hmmm, maybe I could collect her history, change the names, and get a jump start on publishing a new "tell all trashy novel". Oh hell yah, it would be a best seller, copies will fly off the shelves!

(Huh? ……………..No seriously, this is some of the best material available for a trashy novel. What is posted in the Forums remains forever in the Forums. It is not private.)
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 41
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 8:44:14 AM
I’m not saying that July has been used in the FWB relationship she had.
She has found value in it and her opinion is the only one that counts. (Well, his too but we aren’t getting his opinion.)

My disagreement with July stems from her motivations.... going for a f*ck buddy relations BECAUSE SHE DESERVES NOTHING BETTER!

LiR... if you write story, remember to add really juicy sex scenes. Those sell.
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 42
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 9:03:44 AM

She has found value in it and her opinion is the only one that counts.


When I was her age, I dated & looked for love while remaining abstinent, w/ a sex drive that went unmet.

If I had a do- over, knowing what I know now, why not have some good sex while looking for Mr. Right?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 43
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 9:08:54 AM
And the story grows, each day a new feature...

For anyone treating themself like this, start treating yourself with respect and only be involved with those who treat you with respect. You can spend you life begging for love while hating yourself, will only get you loneliness and dispair. You get so high on someone contacting you, screwing you, that you take it like a drug, then you crash while trying to make it into something special. But you can't make it what it is not, no wishing or begging or screaming will make a man love you when he does not. You aren't doing what people having good FWB or FB are doing, you are lying to yourself and these men, selling yourself for nothing, and wondering Why Me?, stop it, get good professional help and I mean good professional help, and stop trying to treat yourself from books and articles and other people, get help and do the hard work to get where you want to be.

It takes a lot of hard work, I know from experience, to get past yourself and get yourself the proper treatment....or keep running on circles. As always, it is your choice.
And why did you take over this man's post and insert yourself?
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 44
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 9:09:57 AM

He's moving this weekend. I'm gonna say goodbye to him tonight. Yes, I have feelings but nothing will ever come of it. I'll probably be inwardly depressed and sad for a few weeks but not a soul will know it except for the people on this forum. I'm pretty good at hiding my emotions when I have to and I'll put on a happy face.

I knew the risk of fwb was that I would likely get hurt because I'd get attached. Now its happened and no use complaining. He was never my boyfriend, we never 3ver went out on a date, he has slept with other women these past 5 months so I'm obviously not important to him. I will miss him a lot. I am just grateful that a guy like him ever paid me so much attention. We will remain friends, we friended each other on Facebook so at least I'll get to know what happens to him in life rather than just never knowing.


I have always said that FWB is to females what The FriendZone is to men.
In both cases you are getting one aspect of a romantic relationship without the others, In the case of Friend-Zoning you are getting all the responsibilities of a romantic relationship without any of the benefits or exclusivity(She want to do everything with you that she would want to do with a boyfriend except have sex with you) and in the case of FWB you are getting the sex but not the commitment.

And in both cases it allows the one not interested in a relationship with you the freedom to seek out who they REALLY want. A guy views his FWB as backup(if he gets shot down by all the hot girls at the bar he can stop by your house/apt on the way home, A girl who has a guy or guys in the friendzone views them as backup also(just longer term), usually when a guy graduates from friendzone to boyfriend/husband it's usually 50-LBS and 2 kids(not his) later( some who don't believe in the friendzone would say thats not the friendzone it's just that when she gained the weight and had the kids they're simply in the same league now).
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 45
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 9:21:34 AM

For anyone treating themself like this, start treating yourself with respect and only be involved with those who treat you with respect. You can spend you life begging for love while hating yourself, will only get you loneliness and dispair. You get so high on someone contacting you, screwing you, that you take it like a drug, then you crash while trying to make it into something special. But you can't make it what it is not, no wishing or begging or screaming will make a man love you when he does not.


Very well written Dayna. "The bottom line".
I also appreciate the view of morta1ez. A man's viewpoint.
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 46
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 9:31:32 AM
"I’m not saying that July has been used in the FWB relationship she had."

>>>Ann Landers used to say in her advice columns, "no one can use us without our permission".

"She has found value in it and her opinion is the only one that counts. (Well, his too but we aren’t getting his opinion.)"

>>>I too don't get the labels thrown her way. if she didn't enjoy what she was getting, then she could treat this man the same way she treats every man she isn't sleeping with.

ie, don't sleep with him.

she's getting what she likes, but she isn't getting everything. most of us have that complaint about something in life. as a man who grew up with a lot of female friends, i can say there may be almost as many women complaining about the sex they get as men complaining about the sex they don't get :)

as for her belief that she deserves nothing better....if she acts like that is true, then ironically she acts in a way that makes it true. whatever guy treats her that, presumably does so b/c he sees something we don't. many, but not all, people treat us the way we treat ourselves. and the people who treat us worse than we treat ourselves, we walk away from, so how they treat us, soon doens't matter.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 47
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 9:53:55 AM

I'm obviously not important to him


^^^ Oh ! On the contrary, yes you are. Men like him thrive on every second of sexual difference, between you and the next woman he s*crews. They live for the moments, it is not only a weakness, but a chronic disease which rules their very existence. Is this the kind of " importance " you desire ?

... Why do you think so many men are un-true to their wives & partners ? I don't think it's the orgasm as much as it is the differences mentally, visually & physically presented within the s*ex act. The s*exual act becomes more important then a secure loving, giving and shared emotional fulfillment. It out shadows things, such as a dual partnership or marriage, in a monogamous relationship.

... Anyone in a serious relationship ( which is the kind most would desire ) who would allow a " cheater " ( even once ) to be a huge part in their life, is a fool in my OP . Of course fwb is a different animal all together, with different needs and desires then what is offered in a singular relationship. To each their own , I would say ~ as long as nobody gets hurt or damaged in any form.

*lyrics " The rules of the game we constantly play, can be cruel ..
............. If nothing else remains, you've promised to stay and you do ..
............ Crying again, you say these words are just sentimental things ..
............ But you'll stay with him, just like some kind of fool ..

SOME KIND OF FOOL by David Sylvian
> turn it up ^
heart / sun
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 48
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 10:08:34 AM
^^^
Hey Blonde Angel, welcome back you lil' platipie ( < term of endearment )

& ps ? I posted a song ( just for you ) in the " buzzwords " thread, col.

heart / sun
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 49
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 10:09:11 AM
Do any of you honestly think I'm ready for a relationship? I do not. I specifically said way back in May that I'm going to try the FWB thing. I had way too many things going on in my life (financial, residential, legally, etc.) but I was lonely and I needed someone to talk to and comfort me physically and I found what I was looking for. It got me through that horrible 3 weeks in June when my ex kidnapped my kids and it got me though a lot of stress all through the summer and fall. He came along when I needed him and now as a very stressful chapter is closing in my life, he is gone. Sometimes people are in your life for a season and a reason. I learned something from all this, I learned what it is I really want and he awoken a passion in me for sex that I really didn't have before. For me, sex was always meh and I more wanted sex for the cuddles and physical closeness, not for the actual sex act itself. Now I'm just worried I will never have such a good lover. What if I was introduced to good sex only to never get to experience it again...

So, when will I be ready to pursue a relationship? The financial stuff is now resolved as I got my child tax benefits reinstated. I was able to catch up on my debt payments and now I actually have money to go out because I can afford babysitters and a new outfit here or there. My legal stuff is fairly settled as I have primary residence for custody and visitation for him has been determined (no child support, but I was not expecting to get any). And I got that new position at work locally and I have finally been able to register for parttime certification classes due to now having the money for it. The only piece of the puzzle now is the residential one. I'm going to take the next 5 months to pay off as much of my lawyer bills as possible and really hoping/wishing/praying I can find a place for May 1 for my kids and I to move into so I will no longer be at my mom's. I know I should stay away from guys and dating till then but I know myself too well. Come Christmas holidays and with my kids gone two weeks, I will probably end up back on pof looking for someone to talk to. But there is a difference now than from last time. I won't sleep with someone right away. That being said, I've never not slept with someone right away so I really have to stick to my guns on this. It's about battling the inner me who is scared that if I don't sleep with a guy immediately that he will lose interest in me but I have to remember that I am worth waiting a little for and if a guy can't see that then he's not worth it. It's a thought process that is going on and I need to work on it.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 50
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 10:26:49 AM
Daybadaze wrote: "And why did you take over this man's post and insert yourself?"

I used to know someone in fellowship that did this constantly. The whole meeting would revolve around her and no matter what the topic it somehow became all about her.

She was admitting she was sexually frustrated, lonely, insecure, full of self doubt and bored. While everyone in the room would reach out to her to give her very good advice it was constantly falling upon deaf ears. The next meeting she would spout out the same drivel and people would parrot out the same advice wasting their breath.

In program for 28 years now I have met and heard many women do the same. I think it all boils down to attention seeking because they never take the advice they simply want to hear themselves talk or garner sympathy. I don't feel sorry for them. If they want to be seen as victims and thrive doing so their problems are deeper than what any one person can help them solve. They need help beyond the group they are seeking it from and " a lot of hard work" like Day suggests. No one can do this work for you.

If you don't value yourself how can anyone else value you? I know from experience but I learned by listening to others who were trying to help me and I not only listened but I took the harder step into actions that made me more self aware and gave me self respect. Self respect is not something you find on the outside with things or other's approval. It is an inside job. For some a much more difficult job than others.

I think the OP has the same issue. He is insecure. Confidence comes from within. If you become truly confident and accepting of yourself you will not care if women think you are handsome or good looking enough. You will know all that you have to bring to the table and it will show far beyond your looks. I think confidence is very attractive and I believe most women think so too. "Looks" will get you in the door but confidence will assure you that that door will stay open and you will soon find out that that alone will give you more opportunities than none.
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