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 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 51
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If looks do matter.Page 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
msg#44:
I have always said that FWB is to females what The FriendZone is to men.
In both cases you are getting one aspect of a romantic relationship without the others, In the case of Friend-Zoning you are getting all the responsibilities of a romantic relationship without any of the benefits or exclusivity(She want to do everything with you that she would want to do with a boyfriend except have sex with you) and in the case of FWB you are getting the sex but not the commitment


+1

This is brilliant. Never really thought about it before but you are exactly right IMO~
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 52
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 1:39:59 PM
Oops, I did not mean to hijack the man's post. It started cause Somewhere-in-Strasophere asked me about my fwb situation and I answered her. I'm really not trying to hog all the threads but when I post my opinion someone suddenly points out my situatiin and then I end up defending my position. Go back to the first page of this thread and you will see that I was not the one to bring it up. My apologies.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 53
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 1:48:16 PM

+1

This is brilliant. Never really thought about it before but you are exactly right IMO~

I agree with it as well... I"m usually nice to people but I'm very cold with men who offer me a non-committed sexual situation - when I made no indication that it's something I actually want. I was at a bar two days ago, and it's a bar where I sometimes stop by on my way from the office to Port Authority, right on my way. He struck a conversation with me, he was clearly attracted to me and we started talking, then I said I was divorced and asked if he was divorced too, and he said "No, I'm married!" and he stuck his ring finger in my face. "I don't hide it!" We kept on chatting and I told him "You're married - stay that way, it's rough out there!" and I left shortly after without even looking in his direction. He looked a bit annoyed that the acquaintance went nowhere, but there was no indication of me wanting sex with a married man and no indication of me even being attracted to him. The nerve, the nerve, the nerve that these men with money have with women, lol.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 54
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 1:58:15 PM
Going back to the topic of this thread, I have to agree with the guy who said FWB is like the female equivalent of getting friendzoned. Why do men want to FWB with someone rather than a relationship? Looks are one reason. From what I've read, the reason a lot of men FWB a girl rather than pursuing a relationship is they do not think the girl is good enough for them to present as his girlfriend to his friends and family. Reason 1 is looks. Reason 2 is reputation. Reason 3 is personality. The OP asked if looks matter and I will say definitely. And for each person, they are looking for someone who presents themselves a certain way, which includes looks and behaviour. If you are having trouble finding a girlfriend, you are presenting yourself in a way that does not appeal to the specific women you are aiming for. You have two options:

1 - Change yourself to someone who present's themself in a way that more appeals to the women you are aiming to attract (in other words STEP UP YOUR GAME

or

2) Stay exactly who you are and aim for women more likely to be attracted to (BE HAPPY WITH WHO YOU ARE AND SET MORE REALISTIC GOALS)
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 55
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 2:07:37 PM
I don't believe I'm lacking in any of the 3 above, and I posted once before that I've been offered all of the following: one-night stands, FWB, affairs, proper dating, relationships, love, and marriage. My option for women who get disrespectful offers: Make it abundantly clear what you actually want and walk away from bad offers. Walk away.
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 56
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 2:46:19 PM

I don't believe I'm lacking in any of the 3 above, and I posted once before that I've been offered all of the following: one-night stands, FWB, affairs, proper dating, relationships, love, and marriage. My option for women who get disrespectful offers: Make it abundantly clear what you actually want and walk away from bad offers. Walk away.


Mahwah, you are naturally beautiful, smart & a professional woman. It's the Tri-State/NY area, many alpha men who prowl for women like you.

SMH that a DECENT man who has what you deserve has not yet stepped up.

In the South, you would have 17 Gentlemen callers in less than 10 minutes, I see you with a Wade Munday type. Google his pic!
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 57
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 2:49:05 PM
https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5970dcf61b631ba84770fb45/t/5b03442e575d1f9eea0d5cc1/1526940721922/Path+to+Victory.pdf

Mahwah, here he is!
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 58
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 3:06:33 PM
Aw you're too sweet! ... My profile has been inactive for some time... I've put dating on hold while I was job searching and getting settled in the new job. Now it's about to be my third month in... time to get back in the game!

The gentleman above is a great catch indeed... I'd love to see myself with him!
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 4:10:44 PM

Reason 1 is looks. Reason 2 is reputation. Reason 3 is personality.

The reason most men look for a fwb is no strings attached sex! Why up your game when you don't have to? They get all the benefits of sex and none of the responsibility of a relationship! pretty sweet deal.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 60
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 5:15:13 PM

Reason 1 is looks. Reason 2 is reputation. Reason 3 is personality.

Let me get this straight.
"Reason 1 is looks". Soooo, a man chooses to delegate a woman to the position of FWB (Don't misunderstand. In this situation the F stands for FRIEND), when she isn't hot enough?

"Reason 2 is reputation". He suspects she's a slut already so what's the problem, right?

"Reason 3 is personality". She's an air head, dumber than a box of rocks?


The reason most men look for a fwb is no strings attached sex! Why up your game when you don't have to? They get all the benefits of sex and none of the responsibility of a relationship! pretty sweet deal.


Bingo! He has a female FRIEND, they hang out, they grab a bite to eat, they catch a movie together, or attend a sporting event together. BUT...………….he will never introduce her to his family, he will never buy her flowers. Why should he? He gets the benefits =sex, and no reason to rock the boat. Life is good. Neat and tidy. No drama.

Now to return to the OP. I would be lying if I suggested "looks" don't matter. They do, always have. However "looks" is subjective. There are men who some women consider to be attractive, and there are others they don't think are attractive. "Looks" is determined yay or nay, by the viewer.
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 61
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 5:56:30 PM
Mahwah, I'm not sweet; I see HUGE differences in the North VS South w/ men, their attitudes & commitment.

I just found out the man who I sent the link for is married w/ 2 small kids, but his appearance is the type of man I would send your way if I was matchmaking. Plus he is educated & ran for congress, albeit defeated this time.
 WorkPlayHaveFun
Joined: 10/20/2018
Msg: 62
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 8:18:39 PM
Looks ALWAYS matter.

Men are a bit more blunt about it as they are visual creatures. Personally I have to be attracted to them to send them a message. Once you meet attraction can fade or get stronger based on their personality, how they hold themselves, brains, whether they put out, etc.

While attraction may not always be the number one determination for women IRL, this isnt RL.

The following part relates to both males and females.

This is an online catalog where you pick out the model you want with the features and upgrades you're looking for. Most are like used car salesmen and will tell you what you want to hear so you'll take it for a test drive and hopefully buy it.

The first step is to get the customer through the door ... you do this with a slick ad and great photos (your pics and profile). If there's something broken or breaking it you either get it fixed or slap some duct tape, bondo, and paint on it to look new again.

Next step is the sales pitch. This is where you actually speak with/to them (messages). Like with ANY ad you want to tailor it to prospective buyers. Now you can fill them full of BS and the slick pitch telling them its everything they've ever wanted and hope they'll come see it or you can be realistic, giving them both the good and bad about it knowing that this model WON'T appeal to EVERYBODY but the ones that do come see it are much more likely to buy it.

Last step is the test drive (date). Now depending on which of the above methods you chose this can be fortuitous or disastrous for both of you. They don't want to show up expecting a brand new model at a reduced price only to have it be a discontinued model with no support. If they come expecting an older model with a bit of damage they are going to be much happier when they see its in better shape than they expected.

Leagues ... they aren't a tight classification. Someone that considers themselves to be a 7 has a better chance with an 8 and below BUT there are a ton of factors that move you up or down after looks. Security is a major factor. That doesn't mean just money but are they going to be looking for someone new 3 months down the road.

So since you've decided OLD is one avenue you want to take, sit back, tweak your profile, tweak your pictures, and realize you are a used car competing with 1000's of other used cars to find an owner. If you're not attracting the prospective owners you are wanting, figure out why! Maybe there is something about you that you don't realize is being sent out. Its like the sun hitting the fender at a weird angle and making it look like a huge dent. Like me being a 40+ still wearing affliction shirts and holey jeans, I didn't realize that was unattractive to my target audience.

The other part on OLD that no one tells you is that it isn't passive. You don't just put up a profile and some pictures and people come flocking to you. It's a part time/second job. You have to put in the work! I used to get about one response in 10, of those responses I met up with 1 in 5 (so that's one meet in 50 messages), of those I met I clicked with 1 in 4 (so we're at 200 messages to find one I clicked with). Of those I clicked with I'd get past date 3 with maybe 1 in 5 (so we're at 1000 messages to find someone to date).

One last item ... POF is a free site. Free sites bring out those needing a confident boost, cheaters, fake profiles, and people just wanting to mess with you. How many of the messages you sent were read? How many of them did you send while drunk and reeking of desperation (yes that does come through in messages)? Were your messages generic like "Hey there:)" or "You're hot!" or were they thought out? Were they in your dating bracket (i.e. a 40 year old expecting 20 year olds to respond)?
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 63
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 8:31:33 PM
WorkPlayHaveFun,
Could you possibly run copies of your post, and pass them around?

(Dayam, you're good. Pitch perfect!)
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 64
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 9:49:43 PM
Looks are subjective. Women seem pickier about looks than men and women online seem to have a giant list of criteria that they won't bend on. It's the whole "refuse to settle" attitude. Men generally don't have such a list and have room to bend in what they'll accept.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 65
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 9:54:46 PM
^^^This is on point... some men DO have such lists and makes them look - dunno - petty like a bytch.

In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread.
Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread.
 nba24
Joined: 4/11/2013
Msg: 66
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 11:36:11 PM
A good example of how looks and what some one finds to be attractive can be different is me and my best friend. He and me almost never agree on if a women is physically attractive or not. I would say like 95% of the time a women I find attractive he finds her to be ok/ugly and most of the women he finds to be attractive I dont find attractive at all. He also like things like odd hair color say colored pink and short hair and nose pierces. I hate nose pierces its a told turn of to me and I think women look better with long hair just about always un less they are like 80 years old or something and most women I think tend to look there best with nature hair color. Than you have things like makeup where maybe a lot of men dont agree with me but I think women tend to look much better with little to no makeup. Even famous people that I find to be attractive I tend to find them to be far more attractive in photos where they clearly have just a little make up compared to being like all dulled up.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 67
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/2/2018 9:08:48 AM
Quit complaining and go workout and post the resulting pics.

Also, security, police, military and the like are a red flag for some women. Put something more general as your job and give them the specifics later. You have to sell yourself.




I have always said that FWB is to females what The FriendZone is to men.
In both cases you are getting one aspect of a romantic relationship without the others, In the case of Friend-Zoning you are getting all the responsibilities of a romantic relationship without any of the benefits or exclusivity(She want to do everything with you that she would want to do with a boyfriend except have sex with you) and in the case of FWB you are getting the sex but not the commitment


- hogwash. Women are just more selective is all....they can afford to be, they are the beautiful ones (good for them!) deal with it.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 68
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/3/2018 7:52:21 AM

Most men are acutely aware, most women will develop feelings in this sort of situation. I think they would be wise to hold back from anything that could be misinterpreted as relationship possibility. I think most smart people are quite aware the majority of women use these situations as an " in" to a relationship with a man. My own son recently stated he quit having these types of relationships with women because they always ended up wanting a relationship and he always ended up the "bad" guy.


I think many people already have emotional feelings for the other person prior to starting a FWB relationship. They will agree to it secretly hoping it will develop into a serious relationship. FWBs can work for some people in the right situation. But people need to be upfront and honest with their true intentions.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 69
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/3/2018 11:25:04 AM

Women are just more selective is all.


And yet....

We still hear all the horror stories.

Or did they grow up wanting to have a seriously dysfunctional relationship?


Also, security, police, military and the like are a red flag for some women.


Yes, some.
And some women say they love a man in uniform.


You have to sell yourself.


It helps to have a serious and informed buyer.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 70
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/3/2018 2:18:49 PM

Men are a bit more blunt about it as they are visual creatures. Personally I have to be attracted to them to send them a message. Once you meet attraction can fade or get stronger based on their personality, how they hold themselves, brains, whether they put out, etc.

While attraction may not always be the number one determination for women IRL, this isnt RL.

The following part relates to both males and females.

This is an online catalog where you pick out the model you want with the features and upgrades you're looking for. Most are like used car salesmen and will tell you what you want to hear so you'll take it for a test drive and hopefully buy it.

The first step is to get the customer through the door ... you do this with a slick ad and great photos (your pics and profile). If there's something broken or breaking it you either get it fixed or slap some duct tape, bondo, and paint on it to look new again.

Next step is the sales pitch. This is where you actually speak with/to them (messages). Like with ANY ad you want to tailor it to prospective buyers. Now you can fill them full of BS and the slick pitch telling them its everything they've ever wanted and hope they'll come see it or you can be realistic, giving them both the good and bad about it knowing that this model WON'T appeal to EVERYBODY but the ones that do come see it are much more likely to buy it.

Last step is the test drive (date). Now depending on which of the above methods you chose this can be fortuitous or disastrous for both of you. They don't want to show up expecting a brand new model at a reduced price only to have it be a discontinued model with no support. If they come expecting an older model with a bit of damage they are going to be much happier when they see its in better shape than they expected.

Leagues ... they aren't a tight classification. Someone that considers themselves to be a 7 has a better chance with an 8 and below BUT there are a ton of factors that move you up or down after looks. Security is a major factor. That doesn't mean just money but are they going to be looking for someone new 3 months down the road.

So since you've decided OLD is one avenue you want to take, sit back, tweak your profile, tweak your pictures, and realize you are a used car competing with 1000's of other used cars to find an owner. If you're not attracting the prospective owners you are wanting, figure out why! Maybe there is something about you that you don't realize is being sent out. Its like the sun hitting the fender at a weird angle and making it look like a huge dent. Like me being a 40+ still wearing affliction shirts and holey jeans, I didn't realize that was unattractive to my target audience.

The other part on OLD that no one tells you is that it isn't passive. You don't just put up a profile and some pictures and people come flocking to you. It's a part time/second job. You have to put in the work! I used to get about one response in 10, of those responses I met up with 1 in 5 (so that's one meet in 50 messages), of those I met I clicked with 1 in 4 (so we're at 200 messages to find one I clicked with). Of those I clicked with I'd get past date 3 with maybe 1 in 5 (so we're at 1000 messages to find someone to date).

One last item ... POF is a free site. Free sites bring out those needing a confident boost, cheaters, fake profiles, and people just wanting to mess with you. How many of the messages you sent were read? How many of them did you send while drunk and reeking of desperation (yes that does come through in messages)? Were your messages generic like "Hey there:)" or "You're hot!" or were they thought out? Were they in your dating bracket (i.e. a 40 year old expecting 20 year olds to respond)?


Work it like a second job.
That you don't get paid for. I can throw more hours into mine, -AND- get paid for it. Hard work that will be a net loss if you're successful. (Costing you even more)

Do all of this. You set yourself up for an assbusting pace that will last as long as she does. Relax, back off, and so will she. Might as well wave the white flag, and bail. Or stick with it, and dig the hole they'll put you in. You didn't wanna live that long, didja?

So just what is your reward for all of this? Sex? Uhh, no sex I ever had in my life was worth that.

Pass.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 71
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/3/2018 2:37:55 PM
Well, it's more than just sex men are after - I don't care what men say........they don't know what the heck they want. Sure, sex is good, and a strong motivator..... and sure, some men have convinced themselves that's all they want....... but for the most part, men want romance (at least some), friendship, affection, and most of all, the loyalty that comes from a woman in love ....... THE SAME DARN THING WOMEN WANT. To top it off, women in love are fun! Heck, I remember a time my ex was chasing me all over the parking lot in red Lobster........and she did not want to hit me! lol!

Just cause men are stupid and don't realize it does not mean they don't want it.
 athenashelmet
Joined: 11/29/2018
Msg: 72
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/3/2018 3:19:53 PM
Southern gentleman are like whipped cream, especially the good looking ones.
We all have eyes in our heads.
 WorkPlayHaveFun
Joined: 10/20/2018
Msg: 73
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/3/2018 7:11:44 PM

Work it like a second job.
That you don't get paid for. I can throw more hours into mine, -AND- get paid for it. Hard work that will be a net loss if you're successful. (Costing you even more)

Do all of this. You set yourself up for an assbusting pace that will last as long as she does. Relax, back off, and so will she. Might as well wave the white flag, and bail. Or stick with it, and dig the hole they'll put you in. You didn't wanna live that long, didja?

So just what is your reward for all of this? Sex? Uhh, no sex I ever had in my life was worth that.

Pass.


Its all about how you approach life. You can sit back and wait for it to come to you, or go after it, put it in a headlock, and form it to your will.

Sex IS great. I have it often. But that's not what a relationship is about. Its about a real connection with someone that makes you a better person because they are there and you make a better person because you are there. Its about breaking molds and growing as a person and couple.

I work hard. At this time of year I'm normally working 100+ hour weeks, this is to build me a better future. Why wouldn't I at least put a serious effort into finding someone to share it with?

ok back to being a hardass ... yeah what he said!!!
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 74
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 6:53:29 AM
Some people let themselves become bitter or they just give up. This forum is full of such people. I get a lot of flack because I don't want to be alone. I'm not pursuing a relationship right now but I tried a casual relationship thing because I did want sex and companionship. Didn't work for me though because bottom line is I want someone to share my life with. I think its scary realising you want that and it comes with all these feelings of self-doubt and cynicism. It's very easy to let those things drag you down.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 75
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 8:44:55 AM
That's what you got out of all the help people have given you? That people are picking on you for not wanting to be alone? How insulting can you be.
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