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 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 76
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If looks do matter.Page 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)


That's what you got out of all the help people have given you? That people are picking on you for not wanting to be alone? How insulting can you be.


What do you expect. She is a game player.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 77
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 11:14:27 AM

I get a lot of flack because I don't want to be alone. I'm not pursuing a relationship right now but I tried a casual relationship thing because I did want sex and companionship. Didn't work for me though because bottom line is I want someone to share my life with.


You're not getting flack because you don't want to be alone. There is nothing wrong with wanting a long-term relationship. You're getting flack because you settle for a f-buddy situation when that's not what you really want.

You need to stop rationalizing. Summon up some self-respect and elevate your standards.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 78
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 11:34:10 AM
Oh come on guys, cut her some slack.......you guys talk as if she is the devil...........nobody wants to be alone. We all need people.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 79
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 11:43:14 AM

You're not getting flack because you don't want to be alone. There is nothing wrong with wanting a long-term relationship. You're getting flack because you settle for a f-buddy situation when that's not what you really want.

You need to stop rationalizing. Summon up some self-respect and elevate your standards
EXACTLY!!! I have no issues with fwb or fb but you really need to accept them for what they are, and nothing more. you clearly want more. its like comparing a good steak at an upscale restaurant to a quarter pounder with cheese. fast food is quick, easy and cheap. even good at times but will never be a steak and doesn't come with nice atmosphere. both fill a basic need but one offers so much more. IF you don't confuse the two, either can work.
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 80
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 12:00:26 PM

Oh come on guys, cut her some slack.......you guys talk as if she is the devil...........nobody wants to be alone. We all need people.


If you come to a forum for advice then do not get the advice that supports your mandate. It is pretty insulting don't you think to waste other peoples time while insulting said people that have gone out of their way to try and help them.

It's like this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 81
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 1:22:52 PM

Some people let themselves become bitter or they just give up.


These are people who let others determine their self-worth.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 82
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 2:35:17 PM
We all let other people determine our self-worth. Be it your mother or father or brother or friend or husband or wife or child. People who think they are free of caring how other people feel about them are full of shite. Many lonely people are full of self-loathing and to cope, they start loathing other people. Those people become hermits.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 83
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 2:35:43 PM
spectrallight, LOL, Cute song with the duck. Very cute indeed! Got any grapes?

Ya know, as I read the Forums, everyday, every once in a while, I notice a dead horse. I have often thought to myself, why do we kick dead horses? Initially we don't realize the horse IS dead. We see the horse lying on it's side way off in the distance. We get closer and closer, then we think...…………. Well ......….the horse seems to be sleeping soundly. We nudge it, nothing happens, we shake it, nothing happens. Before you know it, we are kicking the horse. Someone suggests, "I think the horse is dead". "Nah", we reply. "Can't be. If we kick it hard enough, long enough, it WILL come back to life!"


Somebody / Anybody / My fellow Forumites. You have my permission to "slap" me / WAKE me up...…………...should I ever attempt, to ………………"kick the dead horse", AGAIN

ETA, LOL, Someone else's opinion of me...………... is just that. What THEY think does NOT make ME think...……………..
It does NOT give ME, MY SELF WORTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 84
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 3:10:07 PM
^^Sadly, Only some lemonade ;)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 85
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 4:11:10 PM

We all let other people determine our self-worth. Be it your mother or father or brother or friend or husband or wife or child. People who think they are free of caring how other people feel about them are full of shite. Many lonely people are full of self-loathing and to cope, they start loathing other people. Those people become hermits.


Once again...you are projecting your own feelings onto others.
I don't give a damn who it is....their opinion of me....doesn't change MY opinion of me.
Their opinion of me is nothing more than a perception of their own choosing...
it doesn't make it a fact...and it sure doesn't change who I know I am.

Just like on here....you only know what I allow you to know about me...
so your perception of "who I am"....is based on bits and pieces of information.
Why should I let that affect how I feel about myself?
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 86
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 4:24:04 PM

People who think they are free of caring how other people feel about them are full of shite.



LMAO, So MsMickie we surely are "full of...………" Better to be "full of it" than to be a prime insulter. I truly loathe people who feel the need to constantly insult others.
 Million_Reasons
Joined: 10/23/2018
Msg: 87
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 5:01:20 PM
Msg: 82

Julystorm:

"We all let other people determine our self-worth."


Determine???

That's on you.

Influence...yes...how much is internalized is...again...on the individual.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 88
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 6:41:55 PM
Okay, I guess influence is a better word than determine.

Is it just that some of you quit caring so much about what other people think of you as you get older? When you were my age (35) did you care more then?
 Million_Reasons
Joined: 10/23/2018
Msg: 89
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 6:47:28 PM
At 35 your individualism should be fully developed.

Why isn't it?
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 90
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 8:08:09 PM
NO....nothing to do with age for me....
and everything to do with a heavy influence from parents that taught me what real self worth is.

I "got it" early in life....because I had great examples not only in my parents...but in the people I chose to surround myself with.
And people that I chose to not be around anymore because their identity was too tied to other's peoples opinions...
 athenashelmet
Joined: 11/29/2018
Msg: 91
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 8:33:09 PM
Low self esteem is indeed learned behavior. False beliefs are evident in those whom settle for less than what they truly desire. Changing those beliefs is indeed a difficult task. Not everyone was raised with healthy role models, which makes for the relationship problems that have been discussed to death for years in these very forums.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 92
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/5/2018 9:34:19 AM
LiR…
Because the horse is zombie-fied. It has to be killed again and again and again...
That's my best guess.

July...
Lost my concern for what other people think of me back before high school.
Bits of that concern occasionally surfaced in the early 20s.
But that's it.

Athena...
I'm not sure if low self-esteem is learned or simply a reaction of 'if I have low self-esteem, then I have an excuse for everything that occurs' which is, I guess, a different lesson learned.
Even with low self-esteem, a person can ACT knowledgeably... particular in a area of expertise.
Example: a physician has problems approaching women (low self-esteem) but if an emergency occurs, he's ordering people around (expertise).
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 93
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/5/2018 10:12:37 AM
" If there's something broken or breaking it you either get it fixed or slap some duct tape, bondo, and paint on it to look new again."

>>>unfortunately, this means "lie and deceive". but all is fair in love and war, right? :)

"the horse is dead, Jim"

>>>yes, but if it looks a lot like the horse we rode in on...then its a personal subject to us, and we'll defend it so.

"We all let other people determine our self-worth."
"Self worth is learned"

>>>it is learned when we grow up, so both statements are true at that cycle of our lives. then we hopefully grow up and make our own decisions. As i've posted before, strangers will treat us based on how we treat ourselves...until those strangers get to know us better and make further choices based on that added knowledge. until they, all they have to work on, is to observe what the expert on us (which would be us) is doing with us.

ultimately, a sexual relationship is perfectly fine for those who haven't gotten any in a long while. we aren't settling, any more than the man who crawled thru a desert, settles for a glass of warm water. but once sex becomes more availible...we want more than it. the same human nature that got us out of caves and fur pelts eating raw meat and into houses with donna Karran on our backs eating filet mignon, makes us unsatisfied with what we have and strive for more.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 94
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/5/2018 10:48:04 AM

ultimately, a sexual relationship is perfectly fine for those who haven't gotten any in a long while. we aren't settling, any more than the man who crawled thru a desert, settles for a glass of warm water.


Not a good analogy. A person needs water to survive - a person doesn't need sex to survive. If said person is unable to enjoy no strings attached sex without getting emotionally hurt if a relationship doesn’t materialize, said person is better off avoiding it and holding out for a committed relationship.
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 95
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/5/2018 10:58:09 AM
a human body doesn't need sex to survive, just to propigate the species, which it was designed for (tho it is supposed to be great for the prostrate). Psychologically, however, we do "need" to feel wanted and desired. and we seek pleasure. I probably should have compared sex to brackish water--when dying of thirst, one won't deny water that could cause dysentery, as unfortunately Third World nations have discovered.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 96
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/5/2018 11:12:43 AM

Is it just that some of you quit caring so much about what other people think of you as you get older?
When you were my age (35) did you care more then?


Honestly, you are one of the saddest and most bitter of the people here.
You're so young and so messed up. You have no idea what a healthy relationship is,
you have no idea of your worth (as you allow others to determine it), you are unable to do much
more than lament your poor lot in life, which has come about mostly because of your poor decisions.
You recognize you grew up in a dysfunctional family, but you're unable to make the choice to
stop the cycle. You're searching for love in all the wrong places because you have not learned
to love yourself enough to be comfortable with yourself and to feel worthy of a real relationship.

Apparently you have no friends that you can talk to because you spend all your time in here
typing out a daily thesis of what's wrong with your life, and then lash out at those that try to
give you the benefit of their experiences.

Maybe you should look at yourself as someone you'd like your children
to look up to and admire and not worry so much what others think.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 97
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/5/2018 12:06:27 PM

a human body doesn't need sex to survive, just to propigate the species, which it was designed for (tho it is supposed to be great for the prostrate). Psychologically, however, we do "need" to feel wanted and desired. and we seek pleasure.


Baldwin, you and July should meet one another. There are some commonalities in your personalities. I think you two could have a mutually beneficial relationship.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 98
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/5/2018 12:17:05 PM

Psychologically, however, we do "need" to feel wanted and desired. and we seek pleasure.


Agreed, humans seek validation & acceptance from other humans, some more than others. The ways in which we seek the aforementioned may or may not be healthy. People who are on a dating site nonetheless are going to hard-pressed to convince me or anyone else that they absolutely have no desire or concern for human companionship. Even for the folks who are here for forum usage only, such as myself, that's NOT the reason why any of us joined POF in the first place.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 99
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/5/2018 12:19:00 PM
msg#97:

Baldwin, you and July should meet one another. There are some commonalities in your personalities. I think you two could have a mutually beneficial relationship.


A match made in Heaven! He's only a few years older than her so the ages are 'right'~
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 100
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/5/2018 12:24:04 PM
Msg 97. If only that was coming from a nice place.

I think the analogy fits well enough.
What’s survive? Just breathing? Yeh no one needs sex for that, you got it.
However some believe true survival is carried in our offspring and theirs etc.
And if we talk about someone’s overall wellbeing, part of their survival, then I’d say sex/intimacy with others is high up there.

Sissaa.....who’s running round proclaiming that?
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