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If looks do matter.Page 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

. when you meet in person after setting a date from online, you need attraction to exist ahead of time because your specifically meeting for the purpose of dating .


This is why people who post old (better looking) pictures of themselves have a lot of first dates. I've met women who looked great in their photos then found they were much older in person so the date started with disappointment. And then there was a women who just had a couple of pictures from the chin up. Cute face. I late found she weighted about 200 pounds... more than me.

You're right about developing an attraction to someone after being around them. I've dated women who wouldn't have got my attention here but they were great people and fun to be around. I think a lot of us set our standards higher when we are looking online.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 102
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/5/2018 5:38:04 PM

just to propigate the species, which it was designed for


not to pick on just you for saying this....as I have seen it posted numerous times....
and I always wonder the same thing...
If sex was designed just for creating more lives....
why are women built to have an orgasm?....it isn't necessary to the creation process.

As for needing sex to survive.....no it's not needed....
but for emotionaly health.....sex/intimacy is important to most people.
The problem....too many people make bad choices just to get it....and in the long run the sex benefits don't outweigh the damage they do to their emotional health with the heartache or guilt they get in exchange for a few fleeting hours of pleasure.
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 103
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/6/2018 4:14:28 AM

This is why people who post old (better looking) pictures of themselves have a lot of first dates. I've met women who looked great in their photos then found they were much older in person so the date started with disappointment. And then there was a women who just had a couple of pictures from the chin up. Cute face. I late found she weighted about 200 pounds... more than me.

You're right about developing an attraction to someone after being around them. I've dated women who wouldn't have got my attention here but they were great people and fun to be around. I think a lot of us set our standards higher when we are looking online.


This is so true. Back in the day, when I did OLD, I thought of the man's pic as a "facsimile"of who he was so I would recognize him in the coffee shop or restaurant, etc. The majority of the men I met, however, seemed to "fantasize" & "project" more of what they wanted onto me. I quickly learned many pix, esp. body shots got better dates (they knew what they were getting & liked it) & dates that resulted in 2nd or 3rd dates & better quality/better matches- more of what would occur IRL.

Years ago, I had a woman friend who did OLD, who used 1 old, heavily photoshopped pic of herself, plus she was very aggressive & admitted to emailing tons of men on multiple sites. Her pic made her look 20 years younger & 40 lbs lighter. She had tons of 1st "dates" but tons of being stood up, tons them leaving very early, tons of drive bys, tons of no 2nd dates, tons of negative confrontations, etc. I groaned inwardly every time she told me she had a new "date", knowing the outcome would not be so good.

If someone is not popular w/ the opposite sex in real life, how does meeting someone through a dating site magically all of a sudden make them a hot ticket?
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 104
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/6/2018 7:34:33 AM

If someone is not popular w/ the opposite sex in real life, how does meeting someone through a dating site magically all of a sudden make them a hot ticket?


A lot are delusional.

No quick fix for love and that's what frustrates the people of today. They can't get what they want right now for zero effort.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 105
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/6/2018 8:02:39 AM

Years ago, I had a woman friend who did OLD, who used 1 old, heavily photoshopped pic of herself, plus she was very aggressive & admitted to emailing tons of men on multiple sites. Her pic made her look 20 years younger & 40 lbs lighter. She had tons of 1st "dates" but tons of being stood up, tons them leaving very early, tons of drive bys, tons of no 2nd dates, tons of negative confrontations, etc. I groaned inwardly every time she told me she had a new "date", knowing the outcome would not be so good.
nobody wants to be on the receiving end of that. what I don't get is why people continue to do this. the constant run for the hills at/after every date would be much worse than never having a date. with real pics, she may of only had a small fraction of those dates but at least the guy already accepted her as she was. her looks wouldn't be the reason for no second date. after being tricked with doctored pics, I have zero interest. not just the let down on looks but much more because she conned me.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 106
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/6/2018 8:54:08 AM

Years ago, I had a woman friend who did OLD, who used 1 old, heavily photoshopped pic of herself, plus she was very aggressive & admitted to emailing tons of men on multiple sites. Her pic made her look 20 years younger & 40 lbs lighter. She had tons of 1st "dates" but tons of being stood up, tons them leaving very early, tons of drive bys, tons of no 2nd dates, tons of negative confrontations, etc. I groaned inwardly every time she told me she had a new "date", knowing the outcome would not be so good.

If someone is not popular w/ the opposite sex in real life, how does meeting someone through a dating site magically all of a sudden make them a hot ticket?


- Yup, lots of people use 20 year old pics or otherwise misrepresent themselves online. They get a ton of rejection too - it's really stupid.
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 107
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/6/2018 9:03:42 AM

after being tricked with doctored pics, I have zero interest. not just the let down on looks but much more because she conned me.


If they're deceptive from the get go then it's game over.

I'll let Hudson express it for us guys ;)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsx2vdn7gpY
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 108
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/6/2018 9:28:04 AM
"You're so young and so messed up. You have no idea what a healthy relationship is (because) you have no idea of your worth"

>>>I'm not picking on one person, just using her quotes as a starting off point.

Most youth aren't ready for a healthy relationship--that's why we label them, immature. Some of us don't remember the mistakes they made when younger, and others do and that's where their anger springs from. I do understand, not everyone's purpose for dating is the same. anyone who has taken elderly parents to dinner knows, appetites decrease slowly over age as to not be noticed. some of our older friends order from the menu as if they still had a 25 yr old metabolism to feed :) and i personally known women who didn't use looks to determine a partner, simply b/c they needed a partner to be their knight in shining armour (suffered from high anxiety, etc) and run their daily lives for them. i don't agree with what July does, but i understand where her thinking comes from, where her frame of mind is at.

"you are unable to do much more than lament your poor lot in life, which has come about mostly because of your poor decisions."

>>>ironically, if we are in a position we put ourselves into, should we cope with that situation, or a situation we wish we were in? we would look askance at someone spending money as if they were a millionaire. as for broads complaining about their lives yet not wanting advice on how to fix the problem...you want to hear guys tell you what it feels like? lol

July once mentioned she thought sleeping with a certain man would raise her self esteem. we can judge her for that, and some of us will post elsewhere about the mistakes we made, or we'll look at some MTGOW guy who is pointing fingers, and take him down for being a finger-pointer like we are.

in a perfect world, we all should take time off from others, go to a safe place, and meditate our way to mental healthiness. but for some, that gets in the way of answering the call of life. again, if July wasn't getting something out of this relationship, she would have treated that particular man the same way she treats every man in her life she isn't sleeping with. ie, she wouldn't be having "good sex" with him.

"not to pick on just you for saying this....as I have seen it posted numerous times....and I always wonder the same thing...
If sex was designed just for creating more lives....why are women built to have an orgasm?....it isn't necessary to the creation process."

>>>its a smart question, and since i'm typing this from a public library, i'm not sure i can do links to such a subject. but google "why do women orgasm" and you'll find scientific articles on it. there's a bit more theory than fact, but hey, men have always had a hard time proving why women do what they do :)

(just kidding, but its interesting to know, if one wonders what drives humans)
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
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Posted: 12/6/2018 2:49:33 PM

its a smart question, and since i'm typing this from a public library, i'm not sure i can do links to such a subject. but google "why do women orgasm" and you'll find scientific articles on it. there's a bit more theory than fact, but hey, men have always had a hard time proving why women do what they do :)

(just kidding, but its interesting to know, if one wonders what drives humans)


well....to be honest....it wasn't so much a real question as it was a point!!
The point.....pretty sure our Creator knew what he was doing when he made it possible for sex to be enjoyable for both sexes....
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
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Posted: 12/6/2018 3:01:14 PM
msg#108: in part<<<
men have always had a hard time proving why women do what they do :)


Guess you guys aren't as smart as you think you are...
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 111
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Posted: 12/9/2018 8:21:10 AM

Is it just that some of you quit caring so much about what other people think of you as you get older? When you were my age (35) did you care more then?



Found on Facebook, as a quote from Sir Winston Churchill. I did my research, could not pin point if he actually said this but I'll post it like this:

"When you're 20 you care what everyone thinks, when you're 40 you stop caring what everyone thinks, when you're 60 you realize no one was ever thinking about you in the first place" -Unknown

I think I fast forwarded to 60 in my 20's.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
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Posted: 12/9/2018 8:57:27 AM
LiR…
Great quote.

Of course, it means that our feelings of low self-esteem come from what WE think other people think about us. Not what they actually may think.

Humanity... such a funny game.
 grover14
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 113
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Posted: 12/9/2018 9:54:00 AM
LiR, I think there is truth to that. I'm in my 60's and I really no longer care what people think. I do what I choose for hobbies, clothes, haircut, etc. There is an old saying, "with age there is privilege" .

Thinking about the subject... If looks so matter. This on line dating site is all about looks. It's all based on a photo first, then it someone looks interesting, you read the profile. Just the way these sites work I guess.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 114
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Posted: 12/9/2018 10:12:51 AM

pretty sure our Creator knew what he / she was doing when he / she made it possible for sex to be enjoyable for both sexes ...


... Although I respect & love msmicki, I wish to disagree with her statement above. Not so much in the assumption that our " creator " didn't know of everything associated with life itself, including all forms within our universe but .....
... With the " enjoyment " factor associated with human sex by each.

... When I " speculate " on Gods intent of providing sexual relations, I see it as strictly used for the act of pro-creation . In other words, sex rings our bells so we will be as the wabbits ( bunnies ) are ~ humping happily as we procreate in outrageous amounts. That being said, the reason is quite evident in my mind - which would be the massive expansions of all life > animal and human. Survival is what everything is about, it is like throwing a million pieces of bubble gum at an unstable wall, so one may stick. If sex is enjoyable, the shear numbers of offspring will help insure a human foothold in our ( fish bowl ) we call the universe.

... As far as the pleasure human sex provides, I feel it is a necessary by - product to insure humans continual & repeatable renewal. Just my opinion, and nothing more, nothing less ( love you MM )

... ( & may we keep enjoying our " by-product " just like the wittle wabbits we are !!
... heart / sun ...
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 115
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Posted: 12/9/2018 10:48:00 AM

~ when you're 60, you realize no one was ever thinking about you in the first place ~


^^^ WELP ! ^^^

... I am 66 years old , and have never been kissed ( cept' by mommy )

... col
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 116
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Posted: 12/9/2018 3:06:05 PM
Online dating is mostly about looks, at least when it comes to first dates.

I really really wish real life offered up opportunities to meet someone. Because if someone was to ask you out in real life, at least you would know they like your looks/personality before they meet you. Instead you have no idea whether they like your looks before you go on a first date/meetup. They may like your photo but photos only give them an idea of what you look like.

I have experienced it so many times that a guy I meet online really seems to like me and then boom we meet and he is less than enthusiastic afterwards. I know our personalities click because we have had great conversations on the phone beforehand (I never meet anyone until we've talked a couple of times) so I know it has to be my looks which is the problem. And even if there's not a problem, before meeting, I always anticipate that he won't like my looks. And even if he wants to continue to see me, I still think/wonder if he doesn't really like my looks that much. If we had at least met before we did a first date/meetup and then he had asked me out then I wouldn't have that worry. It would be great if we could see pictures of the people they dated previously, to give you an ideal of what league of girl they date. Honestly, then I can compare myself to the girl(s) they were previously with and I could decide where I'd rank in looks with them. Of course, when you find out the girls they dated are much much more prettier than you, you know you don't have a chance with them and it's better to know ahead of time. My biggest concern is dating someone above what I think I can get, I try hard to pick guys I think I can realistically get.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 117
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Posted: 12/9/2018 4:02:11 PM

"When you're 20 you care what everyone thinks, when you're 40 you stop caring what everyone thinks, when you're 60 you realize no one was ever thinking about you in the first place" -Unknown


I didn't give a dammwhen I was 20. I realized nobody was thinking about me when I was 25. I just forgot about them when I was 40. At 60, you get it right between the eyes from me.

See what happens when you ignore a person? They get surly.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 118
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Posted: 12/9/2018 5:23:32 PM
@July. As long as you have this idea that there are leagues you will try to categorize yourself compared to other women. That does not give you healthy self esteem. Why compare yourself to anyone but yourself?
 Carnival_Fishing
Joined: 10/2/2018
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Posted: 12/9/2018 7:22:50 PM

Of course, when you find out the girls they dated are much much more prettier than you, you know you don't have a chance with them...


How do you know who a guy has dated before? Does he show up with a photo album that has pictures of his previous dates?
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
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Posted: 12/9/2018 10:30:43 PM
Well, if it was in real life you might know the person and then you can know what you are up against.

I think in leagues because its always been obvious to me that I don't rank highly in the department. I've been bypassed for prettier girls too many times to count. And guys I've liked have never called me pretty or beautiful or anything like that. I've always felt like a plain Jane and I tried to step it up. Guys I haven't been interested in have said nice things to me but I tried to like them and it doesn't work. You can't make yourself like someone. Endless_Summer_Nights, your story about that girl you were seeing resonated with me because I've felt like that woman a few times. I think in those instances the guys liked me enough for friendship and some sex but I wasn't anyone they were interested in for a girlfriend because I wasn't attractive enough for them. I have had guys who have flirted with me or befriended me who never ever initiated being seen with me as a couple. A guy in high school was a good friend when we weren't around other people but at school I was ignored. A co-worked of mine back in the day was such a good friend at work, he flirted constantly and we were very close but as soon as we weren't at work he barely acknowledged me and he ended up dating two of my friends. My first boyfriend, I never met any of his friends or family and he never met any of mine but it wasn't my choice, it was his. The only guy I ever met friends and family of was a guy I was embarrassed of.

I am very careful to hide my insecurities about my looks because I know insecurities are unattractive. But I've been testing the waters a while now and not ever sensing mutual attraction. Also, there have been a couple guys that were really into me but I was just not attracted enough to them so I empathize with those who are not likely attracted to them and I feel bad about them being put in a position to reject me.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 121
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Posted: 12/9/2018 11:26:07 PM
I think a healthy amount of narcissism can be good in dating lol. Got to stop thinking you are less than others, all it will do is bring you down. If a guy rejects you then so be it he probably wasn't compatible or good enough in first place.
 nba24
Joined: 4/11/2013
Msg: 122
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Posted: 12/10/2018 1:03:51 AM
July The whole league thing is silly because like I said before what some one considered good looks is like different to ever one. Say you think you are a 5 how do you known if a guy might think you are like a 3 or a 5 or heck a 10. Say for example you think you are a 5 and you are interested in some one you would say is a 8 so out of your league if you are going with this whole league thing well guess what that person you think is a 8 may only think they are a 5 or they may think you are a 8 instead of the 5 you think you are. If you took 1 person and asked like 10 people on a scale of 1-10 how the person looks you could end up with 5 of the people saying a 5 and the other 5 saying a 10 or you could have ever one say a different number. If you are attracted to some one you should just try. There are guys all the time that I known who are with some one and I think to my self how in the heck can you be physically attractived to the women they are with yet they are.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
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Posted: 12/10/2018 5:53:01 AM
But nba24, even you said that the women you would like are not into you. I'm just tired of guys I don't like liking me and guys I do like not liking me very much. I think many of us feel the same way on here. The problem of finding MUTUAL attraction.

Knowing who your competition is and figuring out who you can get is a big part of the puzzle. On one hand, I'm overweight and a single mother so that brings my datability down significantly but on the other hand, from what I've seen of women in the 25 to 45 age category on pof, 80% of women on there are both overweight and single mothers and most of the rest of the 20% are one of those things. However, I'd say only 20% of men in the pof pond in my area are dateable to me and of those 20% men, very few are actually looking for dating, they just want casual sex. So the few guys that are decent and want to date, the y have the pick of most of the women on pof.
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 124
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Posted: 12/10/2018 9:21:00 AM
"Guess you guys aren't as smart as you think you are..."

>>>I'll agree, not all men are as intelligent as i :) but let's go to the instant replay...a human being asks a rhetorical question in order to make a point. I counter with science that suggests the point isn't entirely valid. the person suggests science and educated guesses aren't important, its what the person "feels" is true, that matters. some people do indeed prefer to go thru life working on what they "feel" is right...and if they can get away with that, then good for them. the rest of us are stuck with the way life is.

" if someone was to ask you out in real life, at least you would know they like your looks/personality before they meet you. Instead you have no idea whether they like your looks before you go on a first date/meetup. "

>>>i've seen forum females post an initial photo that looks great from that angle, and then another comes up and i've changed my mind.

"I have experienced it so many times "

>>hard to argue with what we constantly observe--esp. if we're the type to ask "why does this keep happening?". some ladies are physically attractive, even standing still. pleasing figure, wonderful cheekbones, eyes you can lose yourself in. Other women can be sexy by revealing a "come-hither" look. a fellow who hasn't had fun in a long while, is turned on by the promise in her body language, even if not by her body. she can satisfy his "needs", even if she doesn't match his list of wants. dating people we know, does give us a better idea of our chances--assuming we're smart enough to pay attention and get our ego out of the way.

" think a healthy amount of narcissism can be good in dating"

>>>it has been proven to work well. some people mistake narcissism for confidence. also, when you don't count how many times you've been shot down, you're inured to getting shot down, and you keep asking people out until the odds work in your favor.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 125
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Posted: 12/13/2018 7:05:11 AM

Online dating is mostly about looks, at least when it comes to first dates.


Getting to the first date/meeting is often about looks and stats. During the actual date itself, it's often whether there is "instant chemistry" or not that determines if there is a second date. Some people might say "no chemistry" = "no attraction". That can sometimes be true. Not always though.

I can find a woman to be physically attractive and not have (instant) chemistry with her. Often because 2 people are virtual strangers. Or one person might be a little bit nervous or shy at first.

Sometimes chemistry can (not always though) develop when 2 people get to know each other better. I would consider going out on a few more dates in this scenario. Provided that there weren't any obvious dealbreakers. Such as someone not being honest about their appearance.
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