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 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 126
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if wishes were horses, beggars would ride for freePage 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

I'm just tired of guys I don't like liking me and guys I do like not liking me very much. I think many of us feel the same way on here. The problem of finding MUTUAL attraction.


- Yup. Dating is the endless search for a needle in a haystack. With my luck, I usually get the ones who are out of shape or bipolar.

However, there are no leagues. I date below average looking women to supermodels. As long as they meet or beat my attraction bar, it's ok. Attraction is important, but it's what's inside that counts most.

I just met one I liked who looks like Meg Ryan. She's not attracted to me though. So we are just friends.

I'm thinking about dating my backup woman. But then what would I do for a backup woman?!
 Carnival_Fishing
Joined: 10/2/2018
Msg: 127
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if wishes were horses, beggars would ride for free
Posted: 12/13/2018 7:40:31 AM

I'm just tired of guys I don't like liking me and guys I do like not liking me very much.


That's better than having no guys liking you. Do you ever approach or contact guys you consider good looking enough for you, or are you just assuming that any good looking guy will not be interested in you?
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 128
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if wishes were horses, beggars would ride for free
Posted: 12/13/2018 8:24:08 AM
What I've found is that better-looking guys who are interested in me, are really only after sex. Even a lot of the average-looks guys are just after sex. I believe that I'm a nice enough person to be around and okay-looking enough, but I'm not a girl many would look at for long term. And I've tried dating guys I'm not attracted to because their personalities fit and they seem like they have honourable intentions but there's things about their personalities that end up bothering me a lot, things that I would probably overlook if I was attracted to them.

I have come to completely mistrust good-looking guys on pof. I think most of them have figured out they can go on pof at any one time and find a woman who will sleep with them quickly. The only exception to this is a good-looking guy who has just come online because he just ended a longterm relationship. Those guys are usually looking to jump into another relationship but not really over their old relationship but from what I've heard and observed, if a girl can stick it out while he gets over his old relationship, there is a fighting chance. But after that guy gets a rebound in from a longterm relationship, if they spend a couple months on pof they end up on the casual sexcapades route because then they want to enjoy single life for a while.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 129
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if wishes were horses, beggars would ride for free
Posted: 12/13/2018 9:44:19 AM
What is goodlooking to you? I think George Clooney is a handsome man but I don't care to find anyone who looks like him, I do not think Brad Pitt is goodlooking but I have dated men who fit his type of looks. But looks don't matter to me because it's the person that attracts me. For you it's looks but I don't remember you ever saying what type of looks you are talking about, or what type of personality attracts you, etc.
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 130
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if wishes were horses, beggars would ride for free
Posted: 12/13/2018 10:23:44 AM

I have come to completely mistrust good-looking guys on pof. I think most of them have figured out they can go on pof at any one time and find a woman who will sleep with them quickly.


Absolutely. Always have one eye open. It's full of f*ck boys on here, and dashing guys really don't need pof because when they're out and about women are throwing themselves at them. Think young guy in Taylor Swift Blank Space type of fella. If he was on POF? Yeah right he's here for a relationship.


The only exception to this is a good-looking guy who has just come online because he just ended a longterm relationship. Those guys are usually looking to jump into another relationship but not really over their old relationship but from what I've heard and observed, if a girl can stick it out while he gets over his old relationship, there is a fighting chance.


HMM. It's a toughy this. I remember a good friend when a long term relationship ended coming on pof rather quickly. I was keeping my eye out for him while I was looking and spotted a lass for him.
I said this girl is the one for you.

Off he went and they spoke a decent while then went on a date. They did the deed. Now she was more than ready so she was all over him lovey dovey like you do but he ran a mile because he was not ready for that part of things as he hadn't dealt fully. Obviously he told her and that was it comms got cut.

To this day if she was to appear again he would be there in a heartbeat. He said it was a big regret of his to me and wished he had been ready :( I'm gutted I could've had cupids job hehe.



But after that guy gets a rebound in from a longterm relationship, if they spend a couple months on pof they end up on the casual sexcapades route because then they want to enjoy single life for a while.


Bingo! It can turn out this way. I've seen it.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 131
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if wishes were horses, beggars would ride for free
Posted: 12/13/2018 5:31:57 PM
Looks are quite subjective I find. Although I get what appeals to the masses, I don't necessarily find what the masses like to be appealing. Clooney and Pitt are meh to me but I get that most of the world sees them as attractive. I do, at times, find what the rest of world likes as highly attractive and appealing … I won't get started on Denzel... wow, just wow.

But who I find appealing in real life doesn't typically follow what the masses would be attracted to.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 132
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if wishes were horses, beggars would ride for free
Posted: 12/13/2018 6:20:07 PM
Try being in limbo. You having no clue if people think you're best looking think on two legs, or should conduct your life with a bag over your head. You have a choice. Say almost nothing to people and become scenery. Or, become irate, and snap at people for any old reason. A third, is just be obliging, and assume that people are just being kind, but you're not datable. But just keep it in mind, that undatable person would like to take any object within their reach, and make you as undateable as they are.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 133
if wishes were horses, beggars would ride for free
Posted: 12/13/2018 7:45:04 PM
My celebrity of choice was Keanu Reeves. Otherwise, I see guys in the street every day who are better looking than any celebrity out there.
 WorkPlayHaveFun
Joined: 10/20/2018
Msg: 134
if wishes were horses, beggars would ride for free
Posted: 12/13/2018 8:36:42 PM
Maybe I'm just**** ... I consider myself to be good looking. Yeah I can find a woman to sleep with quickly, I get offers to be FWB, and people offering extras if I drive to see them. The only time I accept them is when they are separated and looking for casual dating. Most of these women know they are screwed in the head at the moment but miss having sex. I used to be a rebound guy, when a woman was on the rebound they'd get ahold of me and we'd do our thing. I've been on the rebound side of things quite a few times so I can relate.

I'm online for basically 2 reasons, I don't hit on my customers while at work, and there really isn't anywhere in my area, outside of church and bars, where 40+ people hang out, hell even 35+. I work out daily but I'm at the gym to get my workout done, not socialize.

I'm someone who does better in a relationship. It brings out a better side of me. I am independent and have been since my divorce 4 years ago. I'm successful, pay my bills, buy whatever I want, and don't need to answer to anyone. None of that changes the fact that I do better in a relationship.

When I come out of a relationship, even a short one where I cared about someone, I take time to figure out what went wrong, my role in it going wrong, and how to change that for future ones. I don't try to date until I'm confident I'm good to be in another one. And at times I find it was too soon and I need to take a break and get grounded again. Everyone I date for more than 3 dates tweaks my parameters in someone im looking for, restricts some areas, opens others up, and I re-evaluate my make or breaks.

Every man and woman is different. My wants/needs are not the same as yours. I know some men that as soon as the relationship is over really can move on in a week and be back dating, I know others that are more like me and take more time. I know some that do want the single life after something long term and I know others that would prefer to be back in a relationship. So lumping everyone all together doesn't work.

The site your on also impacts whos on it. Eharmony and chemistry are SLOW, you send questions then wait for them to send answers, then they send questions and they wait for your answers. If someone leads a busy life and isn't able to get on often it can take weeks before you are able to free form message. Pay sites are a pain in the butt, but they weed out people that don't want a dating site on their credit card bill and those that cant afford it. This site is known as a hook up site. If you don't know the history here's the down and dirty ... It was started by Neil Strauss the author of "The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists". It was a place where those wanting to be "pickup artists" could ply their craft. So it started as a hookup site. That is why it was kept free. Guys would come in here use pre-written profiles, use pre-written lines, and those selling the pickup ebooks could say "see it works!!!". Mach picked it up a while back and has been attempting to change it ... but it won't change. Hell the name "Plenty of fish" implies you don't need to pick one, there's plenty of them out there.

Yes dating sucks, online dating sucks, being turned down sucks, being ignored sucks, and being used just for sex sucks. None of that is going away, with the exception of online dating sucking, the rest has been going on for centuries. She's not good enough for him, he doesn't make enough for her. She wants to marry a noble not a peasant, he wants to marry someone thats family has money. Once upon a time being fat meant that you were very successful, you could afford to overeat. 50 years ago marrying a butcher was a good catch cause you'd always have food on the table.

If you aren't getting the results you want, figure out how to get them. Do you need to be in better shape, do you need to be more successful/make more money, is the way your dressing turning people off (like in my case), is your crappy attitude about life turning people away, does desperation seep from your pores like sweat, are your expectations unreal? Coming in here and complaining will usually only get you the answers you're looking for, that the other sex is stupid for not choosing you, very seldom does someone point out its you with the problem.

Change sucks, its not fun getting out of your comfort zone, it makes you anxious, second guess, and doubt yourself. If you don't see the results right away you claim you did it all for nothing. You don't see that you aren't confident with the change yet and its coming through. Take a few months away from trying to date and get to know you. Are you happy with you? If not, no one else is likely to be either. Do you only shower once a week? Hygiene is HUGE to everybody! Are you leaving the house in a pair of pj bottoms, flip flops, a stained shirt, and your hair a mess? Why? I know when I see that I think that the person must not care enough about themselves to make an effort, so if I date them, they wont make an effort there either?

If you don't want to change then you are resigned to the same results you've always gotten.
 nba24
Joined: 4/11/2013
Msg: 135
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if wishes were horses, beggars would ride for free
Posted: 12/13/2018 11:00:53 PM
Well yes July I have a hard time finding women I find attractive and who fell the same way about me and that is like half the battle. There are so many things that need to go right and that is why I think a lot of it is just luck. First you have to find some one around your age that is single and that is like hard enough I would say like around 80% of the women around my age are taken already. Second you have to find some one attractive who fells the same way about you and is around your age and heck that is heck of hard to. 3erd you have to find some one who personality wise you can get along with well and that takes getting to known some one and that takes 1 and 2 already being in place. 4th you have to find some one who has similar hobbies has you. 5th some one who is looking for the same thing for example I am not in a big hurry to have sex.

The mutual attraction is hard I have seen a good amount of women on hear who it seems like we have things in common with based of there profile and have messaged them yet gotten no responds and that must mean they dont find me attractive even though I find them attractive. I dont even message women that often any more because all the ones that I have like found attractive I have already tried to message. Most of the women around my age that I have not messaged I either dont find attractive at all or can tell we would have nothing at all in common.
if July has some self esteem, beggars wouldn't ride for free
Posted: 12/14/2018 5:27:06 AM

from what I've heard and observed, if a girl can stick it out while he gets over his old relationship, there is a fighting chance


Egads ! Does everything you write have to wreak of desperation? Why the hell would anyone sane want to stick around on the off chance some broken dude might want a relationship? No wonder you can't find a decent man.
 twoish
Joined: 9/21/2018
Msg: 137
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/14/2018 5:34:09 AM
WorkPlayHaveFun
Yep you got it, right down to the steps.

You really ought to sell cars. But yes I really do agree with you-where all the steps to success. One thing about women is: we still are emotional creatures, I go allot on gut feelings about people. True sometimes I'm wrong, but I'm not perfect. This works for me, good. Everyone has to find what works for them.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 138
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/14/2018 6:46:22 AM
It's not desperation though. It's how the world of pof works. Most guys fall into one of 3 categories:

1) geeky or weird guys who have been on here forever
2) good-looking guys who have been on here forever who are usually just after quick casual sex
3) decent guys who are newly broken up and on the rebound

Rarely are there decent guys well out of a relationship who want a relationship. Those guys get snapped up fairly quickly so they aren't on pof long.
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 139
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if wishes were horses, beggars would ride for free
Posted: 12/14/2018 9:24:55 AM
"What I've found is that better-looking guys who are interested in me, are really only after sex. Even a lot of the average-looks guys are just after sex....and I've tried dating guys I'm not attracted to because their personalities fit and they seem like they have honourable intentions but there's things about their personalities that end up bothering me a lot, things that I would probably overlook if I was attracted to them. I have come to completely mistrust good-looking guys on pof."

>>>and then there are guys who complain they only find women looking for free meals or someone to put into the friend zone.

"Looks are quite subjective I find. Although I get what appeals to the masses....most of the world sees them as attractive. I do, at times, find what the rest of world likes as highly attractive and appealing …I find appealing in real life doesn't typically follow what the masses would be attracted to."

>>>and that's the allure of online dating. we get exposed to the masses. hopefully the odds fall into our favor.

"try being in limbo"

>>>alas, its just like wealth...if you aren't certain you're rich, then you are somewhere in the middle class. the truly rich don't have to wonder if they're rich. its pretty obvious, even to them. for example, they don't have to ask what it costs...they know they can afford it.

"This site is known as a hook up site. If you don't know the history here's the down and dirty ... It was started by Neil Strauss the author of "The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists". It was a place where those wanting to be "pickup artists" could ply their craft. So it started as a hookup site. That is why it was kept free. Guys would come in here use pre-written profiles, use pre-written lines, and those selling the pickup ebooks could say "see it works!!!". Match picked it up a while back and has been attempting to change it ... but it won't change. Hell the name "Plenty of fish" implies you don't need to pick one, there's plenty of them out there."

>>>funny, i don't remember this mentioned in the book--i thought this site was started by a Canadian named Markus

"Rarely are there decent guys well out of a relationship who want a relationship. Those guys get snapped up fairly quickly so they aren't on pof long."

>>>its true, people who are good catches...tend to have opposite sex friends they share a lot in common with. surprisingly...these people tend to connect when the moment's right.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 140
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if wishes were horses, beggars would ride for free
Posted: 12/14/2018 9:55:34 AM
People are not generally driven by what they look like, they are driven by what they want.
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/14/2018 2:09:22 PM


It's not desperation though. It's how the world of pof works. Most guys fall into one of 3 categories:

1) geeky or weird guys who have been on here forever
2) good-looking guys who have been on here forever who are usually just after quick casual sex
3) decent guys who are newly broken up and on the rebound

You will get no argument out of me. I work with men everyday. Listening to them it becomes abundantly clear that the only reason they are here is to find desperate women to sleep with. This site isn't exactly known for top quality dating potential. You would be way further ahead to meet a guy in the real world, don't bed him until you have met his mother or other family member who can vouch for the fact he isn't married, bat shyte crazy, or just plain unemployable.
 _Cinnamon__Girl_
Joined: 3/28/2016
Msg: 142
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/14/2018 3:43:22 PM
OP, I looked at your profile and it all looks fine to me except for one thing. Your longest relationship only lasted for one year. Being that you are 42, that is really unusual. I don't reply to messages from men whose profiles say that they have only had short relationships. That's a red flag/deal breaker for me.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 143
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/14/2018 3:43:54 PM
Guess I'm in category one. This is nothing more than an entertainment venue for me.

Since no one could mistake me for Prints Charming, (Critters like me, that's enough) I'm not so willing to take on the care and feeding of a woman. (Too much work and aggravation)

"You would be way further ahead to meet a guy in the real world, don't bed him until you have met his mother or other family member who can vouch for the fact he isn't married, bat shyte crazy, or just plain unemployable."

Well, I'm out of that loop. I planted my parents years ago, my batshitcrazy sister is somewhere out in the world. (If you meet her-Run for your life!) I don't have to be employable. My customers won't leave me alone.
 MeramecRiverRat
Joined: 10/12/2017
Msg: 144
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/14/2018 4:56:16 PM


I don't reply to messages from men whose profiles say that they have only had short relationships. That's a red flag/deal breaker for me.


Any player can put 10 years for the longest relationship field, "long term" and "relationship" for intent, then discard a girl after they do it the first time.
 MeramecRiverRat
Joined: 10/12/2017
Msg: 145
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/14/2018 5:13:43 PM


As far as the pleasure human sex provides, I feel it is a necessary by - product to insure humans continual & repeatable renewal.


Yes, I roll my eyes any time someone claims enjoyable sex is a "gift from God".

It makes sense that it's from natural selection. When mutations occurred in animals (including humans) resulting in nerve endings producing pleasure, the creatures with those mutations were more likely to do it and pass on their mutated genes to future generations. When both genders enjoyed themselves, the female stayed in place longer, making it more likely conception would occur, as opposed to the female not enjoying it and trying to get away from the male. If the male didn't enjoy it, he would be less likely to pursue a female in the first place.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 146
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/14/2018 8:26:08 PM

Yes, I roll my eyes any time someone claims enjoyable sex is a "gift from God".


roll away....
thing is....neither of us will truly know the right answer till we die!!
You chose to not believe....I chose to believe....
simple as that.

as for this "knowing who your competition is" stuff....
I have to laugh.....because none of the men I have been in relationships with resemble each other.
They range from extremely tall to extremely short....blond, red headed, head full of black hair, very little hair to grey hair...extremely good looking to only good looking to me....highly educated to high school drop outs...rich, comfortable and barely making ends meet.
And everyone of them were in "my" league....because I don't judge a man out what league someone else puts them in.
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 147
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/14/2018 11:43:14 PM

the only reason they are here is to find desperate women to sleep with. This site isn't exactly known for top quality dating potential. You would be way further ahead to meet a guy in the real world, don't bed him until you have met his mother or other family member who can vouch for the fact he isn't married, bat shyte crazy, or just plain unemployable.

I concur. I'd say 80% of men on here are looking for NSA & some may lie about their intent.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 148
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/15/2018 11:13:07 AM

It's not desperation though. It's how the world of pof works. Most guys fall into one of 3 categories:

1) geeky or weird guys who have been on here forever
2) good-looking guys who have been on here forever who are usually just after quick casual sex
3) decent guys who are newly broken up and on the rebound

Perhaps many men on POF do fall into 1 of these categories. But the quality of women on POF isn't much better. It's often...

1. women who are extremely picky and/or have the "grass is greener" attitude
2. women that are looking for an ego boost or a text / email buddy
3. women that are negative and bitter about men because of their past experiences

[quote[I don't reply to messages from men whose profiles say that they have only had short relationships. That's a red flag/deal breaker for me.
I never paid much attention to the longest relationship question. Even if someone had been in a relationship for 10+ years, it doesn't necessarily make that person better relationship material. (S)he could have content at best to outright miserable. But stayed in the relationship because of the kids, didn't want to be alone etc. In other words, that question without any other info or context is inconclusive for me.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 149
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/15/2018 1:00:35 PM

I don't reply to messages from men whose profiles say that they have only had short relationships. That's a red flag/deal breaker for me.


JulyStorm's ex has a 9 year live-in relationship in his history.

Would you want HIM?
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 150
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If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/15/2018 1:34:23 PM
1) We read profiles of locals/ not so local profiles rather than have to jump through the hoops to see if we can get a date to to find out if we are compatible. Good for both sexes as nobody's time gets wasted or resources. Good weed out tool, and with the massive ratio difference majority are still here. Some really good women on here too. Shame get chucked in same boat.

2)Men congregate everywhere Women will be. Its not exactly a new concept or rocket science. SMH.

3) We filter out the children in Women's bodies that have multiple kids, loads of debt, mental issues with loads of drama all rolled into one while hear them moan constatly about their ex? What do we get at end of day? 3 words and a **** here and there and only there to prop up their ass, and to come last each every time hahaha?.

Why on earth would anyone give the easy life up for that sh!t fest lol? Delusional. Wake the **** up!



JulyStorm's ex has a 9 year live-in relationship in his history.

Would you want HIM?


No women would but it's all a one sided story! Take 2 to tango and judging from her post it's all about me, me, me so don't just take word for it. Not like anybody says well I was a complete tit to is it? She can invite her ex to make commentary anytime. But I'm sure that wouldn't suit the mandate.
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