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 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 26
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Turning someone down for sexPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Natey will now have started an Emoticon Pandemic
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 27
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/8/2018 7:55:03 AM
MsMicki.. the 3 B's.. Too funny because it's true.

Thank you for the link Natey!!
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 28
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/8/2018 8:23:02 AM
If you're in a relationship with someone you love, you don't turn them down unless it's a completely inappropriate time or place (you're sick, very upset about something etc.). If you're getting turned down by someone, they aren't really into you anymore. If they're into you, they look for any excuse to be intimate. Pretty simple.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 29
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/8/2018 9:09:24 AM
I guess none of my girlfriends were really into me then. am I the only guy (or girl) that got it consistently in a ltr that also skipped a night? I just thought it was normal to have a night off, and that either one may want it when the other doesn't. I can see where lack of sex could be an issue but having it often for years on end and never having a night when one just doesn't want to? i must be just as screwed up as them as i too had nights where i just didn't want it.
Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/8/2018 10:24:55 AM
I dated someone off and on for a little over a year. We started messaging here then met a couple hours later. Great personality, fun to be with, adventurous, great career and outstanding Mom. She was a little shorter and heavier than I'd usually go for but the rest carried her past that. She could look good when we went out and sex was good but I wasn't physically attracted to her. No feeling of I can't keep my hands off her. She got kind of upset when we went on vacation and I didn't want to have sex. Yes we did it before but I just wasn't feeling it. That was for the first couple days. Then it went from her hinting to becoming more aggressive/nagging which was less attractive. We weren't in a relationship but we did a lot together. That put it over the edge. We didn't go out anymore after the trip. And yes, I can see what she'd be upset. I didn't want to hurt her feelings buy saying I wasn't attracted to her.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 31
Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/8/2018 10:31:03 AM
Poor lady, she can't get back that year of her life. An honorable man would have ended things and she would have been free to seek a better match.
Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/8/2018 11:02:17 AM
I know I was wrong and should have said something. We weren't in a committed relationship. Each of us were still on the hunt but we hadn't found someone and we enjoyed each other's company.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 33
Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/8/2018 11:04:52 AM
B.T. Express - If It Don't Turn You On (You Ought To Leave It Alone) - 1974 [Funk]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDLecm3vr5w
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 34
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/8/2018 11:09:28 AM

I dated someone off and on for a little over a year. We started messaging here then met a couple hours later. Great personality, fun to be with, adventurous, great career and outstanding Mom. She was a little shorter and heavier than I'd usually go for but the rest carried her past that. She could look good when we went out and sex was good but I wasn't physically attracted to her.


Endless - that wasn't cool. You shouldn't have strung that woman along for over a year and given her false hope. Instead, you should have politely ended your relationship with her when you realized you weren't physically attracted to her. The vacation should never have happened. You did her a disservice. She could have used the time she spent with you on finding a man who was into her.
Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/8/2018 11:47:03 AM
I almost didn't post that story because I know I was wrong (wrote it once then deleted). But I make mistakes once in awhile so I wanted to share it from the other side.


In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 36
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/8/2018 11:51:59 AM

Endless - that wasn't cool


LOL, Whiterose, you scolded Endless in a very cool manner.
I probably would have been more blunt.
As I just wrote earlier today, different thread, in a response to Endless, regarding, "friends first-dating", if the above quoted scenario happened to me, I can honestly say...…………..Well, quite frankly, it would not have happened to me. I don't suffer fools. I don't put up with wishy-washy, "I dunno what I want".

Sorry, Endless I really don't mean to pick on you, but you remind me of a woman getting dressed to go out to dinner.
"Oh dear, oh my, whatever shall I wear?" as she tosses the 14th outfit on the bed. Two hours later, she's late already, she is finally dressed and now picking out a pair of shoes to wear. "Oh crap, which shoes go with this dress?" Eventually she emerges, goes to get in the car and realizes she has forgotten her purse...…………………….OMG!
All evening long she is doubting, "Did I pick the right outfit?"

Pfft………... I know exactly what I'm going to wear. I can change my mind, once, PRIOR to, then it's a done deal.

ETA, LOL, "Once in a awhile", is more than once. TRY to learn from "once" and don't repeat.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 37
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/8/2018 11:55:49 AM
There are plenty of men with low libidos, for multiple reasons from just not being sexually attracted to certain women to side effects from illnesses/medication. Some like the control it gives them, some other complication, whatever the reason, it's real for them, no different than women. Also it doesn't mean these men/ women won't cheat on you, so keep that in mind. There use to be sites with message boards about people with low libidos, don't if there still are, but this idea that men are all highly sexual is totally uninformed.

How have I reacted? Not everyone is in the mood at the same time, no big deal, on the other hand if your libidos are way off, that is a big problem.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 38
Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/8/2018 11:56:34 AM
Fine, we all make mistakes, but you're coming here saying SHE did something unattractive? "Then it went from her hinting to becoming more aggressive/nagging which was less attractive." What was unattractive is you stringing her along.
Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/8/2018 12:30:59 PM
I wasn't stringing her along. As I mentioned, we weren't in a committed relationship. We'd do things together. Maybe a few times in a month and then there would be months when we didn't see each other at all. I didn't plan to not have sex with her on the trip. If that was the case I would have brought someone else. I just wasn't feeling it when we were there. It was no big deal for a few days then she started becoming more aggressive and got upset when she wanted to go back to the room to get some when it started to rain one day. I was very content sitting under a cover on a tropical island while we watched the shower move in from the ocean. As I told her, we can't do that at home. The tension from there became unattractive so I wanted to do it less as time went on.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 40
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/9/2018 7:41:38 AM

Agreed. Even if their interest is lukewarm, they may sleep with her once or twice but it won't mean anything else. Those guys might hit the woman up months down the line when they're bored, horny and no one else is available. That's hardly flattering.

I might lower my standards for sex to some extent. But I still have boundaries. I probably wouldn't have sex with a woman if there was completely no physical attraction or interest in her.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 41
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/9/2018 1:37:25 PM
msg#22:
My mother taught me it was the 3 B's..
Beer -- Beef & Blowjobs!!


I wonder if the Dads of the world ever gave similar advice to their sons?
A simplistic slogan to keep their women happy?
Do tell, Men~
(Smile)
 Natey2
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 42
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/10/2018 11:15:36 PM
I sympathize with Endless.
I've gone out with a woman from POF who told me one of the guys she went out with was actually beaten (hit/punched, repeatedly ) by another woman for not wanting to have sex with her.

There are some pretty aggressive women out there, and nobody feels sorry for guys.

The only person that can conclude a woman was being "strung along" in a relationshio is the woman herself, and she's not here to make that claim. Other opinions on her behalf are conjecture/speculation.
Many relationships on POF are actually FWB, and there is an implicit understanding of what that entails with regard to any notion of a commitment.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 43
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/11/2018 11:45:10 AM

msg#22:
My mother taught me it was the 3 B's..
Beer -- Beef & Blowjobs!!




I wonder if the Dads of the world ever gave similar advice to their sons?
A simplistic slogan to keep their women happy?
Do tell, Men~
(Smile)


- Affection, romance, and respect.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 44
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/11/2018 12:54:05 PM
^^^
msg#22:
My mother taught me it was the 3 B's..
Beer -- Beef & Blowjobs!!




I wonder if the Dads of the world ever gave similar advice to their sons?
A simplistic slogan to keep their women happy?
Do tell, Men~
(Smile)


- Affection, romance, and respect.


Not alliterative, but just might be the key t o lasting happiness~
(Smile)
 Natey2
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 45
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/14/2018 5:35:50 AM
Msg: 19

I have never been rejected for just sex. If I offered it, I got it.

I've been around for over half a century, and I can't say I personally know ANY guy that can make that same claim.


The problem was that most of these "casual" type guys that said they only wanted sex became possessive and controlling and eventually demanded exclusive relationship when that was not what I signed up for.

I had this same issue with a woman on POF a couple of months ago! She would constantly accuse me of having sex with other women and demanded I not speak to any other woman, even at a platonic or professional level. The only other woman I recall that did that to me was the ex-wife. And dates don't like being compared to the ex wife on bad behavior, so I'm just going to post that here instead.
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 46
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Turning down the bed, and whoever was in it
Posted: 12/14/2018 9:48:31 AM
i think a question that hasn't been raised is...is there a difference between telling your live-in partner/spouse "not tonight dear" and your paramour you see on the weekends "sorry, not in the mood, maybe next time we're together"? is the blow cushioned when you get turned down tonight but might get lucky in the shower tomorrow? or is all rejection the same?

what do boys get told to keep women happy? for most, we're too young to have heard, "happy wife, happy life" and other recent slogans...but i think there was something about...jewelry? :) on a more serious note, its amusing how many new couples get a baby, and the husband forgets to have any more date nights, and then the marriage gets strained. i think some young fellows were advised something along the lines of "don't make her the maid" and "don't take her for granted".
Turning down the bed, and whoever was in it
Posted: 12/14/2018 2:39:02 PM
Recently in the news -

A Florida woman wound up in jail after she reportedly "demanded" her boyfriend have sex with her and then allegedly threw a paint roller at him after he refused, authorities said. 

According to an arrest affidavit from the St. Lucie County Sheriff's office, Lorrie Anne Carroll, 42, of Port St. Lucie was arrested on charges of battery and three counts of resisting an officer without violence following the incident on Dec. 2. 

Sheriff's deputies were called out to Carroll's address at around 3 a.m. and were told by her boyfriend that they had been arguing all  night because Carroll wanted to having sex, but he didn't. 

The boyfriend told officers that Carroll "continuously tried to have sex with him even though he told her several times he wanted to be left alone," according to the arrest affidavit. He left to go to a bar to get away from Carroll, and when he returned, he said that his girlfriend began arguing about "having sex again." 

Carroll reportedly "demanded" that he start fooling around with her, but he refused, again telling her that he wasn't inthe mood. 

He says that's when Carroll hit him in the chest and groin and then tossed a paint roller at his head. 

In the affidavit, deputies reported that Carroll was "obviously intoxicated" and uncooperative with officers. The 41-year-old was arrested and taken to the St. Lucie Jail.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 48
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Turning down the bed, and whoever was in it
Posted: 12/14/2018 2:51:05 PM
Generally speaking, if I get turned down when I desire sex with a particular man, after having expressed that desire, it erodes any bond we might be making. If I'm in a LTR relationship, there better be a good reason for turning me down, other wise I figure the whole thing is going sideways somehow and time to contemplate Plan B.

Men and women come together for many reasons---one of them sexual interactions. If that aint there, well, what the hell is the deal!?!
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 49
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Turning down the bed, and whoever was in it
Posted: 12/14/2018 2:54:03 PM
^^^
And she somehow found the fountain of youth. She lost a whole year.
 outlawcafe
Joined: 12/4/2018
Msg: 50
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Turning down the bed, and whoever was in it
Posted: 12/15/2018 8:07:47 AM

Generally speaking, if I get turned down when I desire sex with a particular man, after having expressed that desire, it erodes any bond we might be making. If I'm in a LTR relationship, there better be a good reason for turning me down, other wise I figure the whole thing is going sideways somehow and time to contemplate Plan B.


I agree......if I get turned down.......I don't kick up a fight or turn into a b*tch......I just don't interact with them anymore and "fade into the background". I don't say a word about it......I try to stay classy, calm, and cool, although being rejected in that way DOES hurt........

But when they come calling months down the road, which seems to happen a lot to me, I politely remind them they couldn't give me a chance back then, so I can't give them one now.

Believe me, when they hear that, it's pretty unsettling to them. Not to mention embarrassing..........
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