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 Natey2
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 51
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Turning down the bed, and whoever was in itPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Msg: 47

Carroll reportedly "demanded" that he start fooling around with her, but he refused, again telling her that he wasn't in the mood. 

He says that's when Carroll hit him in the chest and groin and then tossed a paint roller at his head.

I bet this Carroll could create a female POF account, mention the above in her profile, and still get tons of male responses to her profile that she will have trouble keeping up with and have to mass delete some of them.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 52
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Turning down the bed, and whoever was in it
Posted: 12/15/2018 9:37:00 AM

Generally speaking, if I get turned down when I desire sex with a particular man, after having expressed that desire, it erodes any bond we might be making. If I'm in a LTR relationship, there better be a good reason for turning me down, other wise I figure the whole thing is going sideways somehow and time to contemplate Plan B.




I agree......if I get turned down.......I don't kick up a fight or turn into a b*tch......I just don't interact with them anymore and "fade into the background". I don't say a word about it......I try to stay classy, calm, and cool, although being rejected in that way DOES hurt....


Wow....that's a bit rough....but proves my point I made earlier.
Women take it personally...

Occassionally turned down isn't a problem for me.....I don't expect my guy to be automatically "in the mood" everytime I am...
and vise versa....
Repeated turn downs....will turn into a problem for me.
If he refuses to discuss the issue....bigger problem.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 53
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Turning down the bed, and whoever was in it
Posted: 12/15/2018 9:50:53 AM
^^^

Occassionally turned down isn't a problem for me.....I don't expect my guy to be automatically "in the mood" everytime I am...
and vise versa....
Repeated turn downs....will turn into a problem for me.
If he refuses to discuss the issue....bigger problem.


I did not mean to imply I expect a man to perform 'on demand', (in a LTR) but if there are repeated turn downs, there are deeper issues. Not gonna beg.
And if its a fairly new relationship, and our 'timing' never seems to mesh, I'd say that's a problem as well.
Just to clarify~
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 54
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Turning down the bed, and whoever was in it
Posted: 12/19/2018 8:52:40 AM

Turning down the bed



... Wow ! & I thought that meant " neatly making the bed up " so it didn't look all f-upped & messy " ( Navy days ) ...

... ps? On a side note, I was chosen as the " official clothes folder & bed maker " for our entire bootcamp company ( 22 guys ) . We ALWAYS received the highest rating at inspections. For those who think that sounds a bit feminine, I know better ~ and guess who NEVER had to go out and exercise all day, marching around in the hot f-in sun ???

... zzzzz ... zzzzz ... zzzzz ( after an hour or two of neatening things up > nap time here ! )


...col ( chuckle out loud )

... heart / clothes folder / sun
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 55
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Turning down the bed, and whoever was in it
Posted: 12/20/2018 5:11:33 PM
^^^ After reading the above, it certainly sounds like I am gay, col ( which I'm not, but I don't care what anybody thinks anyway )

... My company commander noticed how neat & squared away my locker area looked. And after failing the last three weekly locker area inspections, asked me to be the company clothes folder. The company was getting penalized, made to do extra KP and field exercise. After that, we were at the top of the companies listed - for the weekly locker area inspections. We stayed there for my remaining 3 months, so I took an extra added benny for myself & all were happy.

... I do admit, I am somewhat of a neat freak. Even now I enjoy coming home, to a halfway clean & cool looking place. The pool table in the living room, is an added smart décor touch, if I do say so myself ( lol ) - Then there are the 5 pairs of speakers ( 2 wall pairs, 1 shelf, 1 ceiling & 1 floor ) I LOVE MUSIC !!!!!!!

.. I keep my house fairly clean and have replaced all of the electrical system ( including panel ) outlets & light fixtures. I've re - done ALL the plumbing ( including new cpcv pipe & bathroom fixtures etc etc ) Re - modeled the 2 bathes & bedrooms, I know how to do a bit of everything, and enjoy doing stuff like that. Especially since I own it, col .....

Anyhoo ~ Merry Christmas All !!! & the VERY best of a New Year !!! ( the New Year is what I look forward too the most, this time of year ~ you just never know what cool things are gonna happen ! )

heart / clothes folder / sun
Turning down the bed, and whoever was in it
Posted: 12/21/2018 1:22:34 PM

Generally speaking, if I get turned down when I desire sex with a particular man, after having expressed that desire, it erodes any bond we might be making. If I'm in a LTR relationship, there better be a good reason for turning me down, other wise I figure the whole thing is going sideways somehow and time to contemplate Plan B.

Men and women come together for many reasons---one of them sexual interactions. If that aint there, well, what the hell is the deal!?!


I tend to fall asleep easy. Especially if the person I'm with is massaging or running her nails all over me while laying in bed. Any of that can turn into a good night of sex or just good night (Zzzzzzzz.......). The woman I'm seeing stayed over last weekend. She was in the mood for sex but her hands put me to sleep in 5 minutes. I made it up to her for a few hours the next morning and again after breakfast. I asked if she minds if I fall asleep some nights. She told me no. We don't have to have sex every night we're together.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 57
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Turning down the bed, and whoever was in it
Posted: 12/21/2018 6:17:05 PM
Ms Micki wrote:
for women...we have been trained to believe a man will have sex at each and every opportunity...
so if a man turns them down...they take it personally.
..


Siasaa wrote:
Men are more used to rejection so they tend to take it a lot better. Like MsMicki said, women have been conditioned to believe that men are sex-crazed maniacs so if he rejects her, she's more likely to take it more personally.
Totally true. But...even though we're in the age of total equality.....there are still vast differences between men and women in the dating/mating game...a game where men generally are viewed to be sexual automatons, ready and willing to perform anytime, any place, with anyone...while women are viewed to be exactly the opposite....generally choosy, reluctant, picky, hard to get. Part and parcel of that dynamic is if a woman decides to have sex with a guy she likes, finally, after passing on all sorts of opportunities, and is refused, it's a crisis of her entire being. "What's wrong with me?" For a man, it's just part of, well, being a man. Rejection, rejection, rejection, droughts, 1-900 numbers, cam girls, sex junkets, hookers, blowup dolls, farm animals etc. etc. etx. and we take it in stride.


I can understand if the couple has been together a LONG time and health problems, an accident, intense weight gain, etc. befalls one of the people in the partnership.
True. That "intense" weight gain is a bummer. But then again, laid back weight gain isn't kosher either. Basically most long marriages end this way, unfortunately. With one or both partners exhibiting one of the above. If one really prioritizes sex, then a LT marriage isn't the way to go. The trade off is companionship. But if both partners become repulsively repulsive for some reason, it still may work. Allz they got is each other type of thing.

Endless wrote:
I know I was wrong and should have said something.
Your story sounds like a typical FWB type arrangement. I don't think you did anything wrong at all here, tbh. But in general women don't take a liking to being turned down. With her, it could have been insulting her woman hood, or maybe her final realization that you weren't really into her as a potential LT option. If men said at the outset of a relationship - no matter the initial expectations, "I'll bang you, but I'm not really into you physically," then the amount of sex would be reduced 90% in the world today. Totally unrealistic.

Lady in Red wrote
I know exactly what I'm going to wear.
Yup. Harley gear.

ssm wrote:
I might lower my standards for sex to some extent. But I still have boundaries. I probably wouldn't have sex with a woman if there was completely no physical attraction or interest in her.
My standards were like a multidimensional scatterplot with numerous variables.....looks, personality, inebriation levels, horniness, chemistry, and some other variables I probably can't (or don't want ) to remember. So my standards varied widely, depending on these variables. Particularly inebriation. I'll leave it at that. What's that old country song "Don't all the Girls Get Prettier at Closing Time" lol...sumpin' like that ...
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 58
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Turning down the bed, and whoever was in it
Posted: 12/21/2018 6:58:06 PM

I tend to fall asleep easy. Especially if the person I'm with is massaging or running her nails all over me while laying in bed. ................................................She was in the mood for sex but her hands put me to sleep in 5 minutes.



LOL, I learned a long time ago, if I was "in the mood", he was NOT getting a back massage.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 59
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Turning down the bed, and whoever was in it
Posted: 12/21/2018 7:18:50 PM
^^^ I prefer to be winding up for sex, not winding down...
 Natey2
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 60
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/22/2018 7:03:08 AM
So what is a monogamous guy on POF supposed to do if he can't turn down sex with another woman (at her request, without pissing her off) who is still on his "potential LTR mate" list?

I wish there was a palatable way to say "I can't start having sex with you yet because I'm having frequent sex with another woman, and if that relationship works out, I'll probably not be having sex with you (or anybody else). But if that relationship doesn't work out, I'd love to have sex with you next".

It's a lot easier to say these kind of things in POF forums than in real life.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 61
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/22/2018 8:25:39 AM
^^^^^if you really have that many options, I would say that's a good problem to have.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 62
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/22/2018 8:55:46 AM
I would hardly say your serious about a LTR if your banging someone and dating someone else! if/when I am seeking long term, I date one at a time. when I am more casual, I am fairly open about it.
 DawnNuSun
Joined: 10/29/2018
Msg: 63
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/22/2018 10:00:11 AM
Wow! I did not know men ever turn down sex! Seems to me that if it is an ongoing relationship, both should already know if they are in the same mood. I guess it's news to me that a woman would initiate sex without knowing the man would be receptive. I can't even imagine that scenario.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 64
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/22/2018 10:07:13 AM
"Seems to me that if it is an ongoing relationship, both should already know if they are in the same mood. I guess it's news to me that a woman would initiate sex without knowing the man would be receptive. I can't even imagine that scenario."

That is exactly what I have been thinking since this thread started.


I am scratching my head wondering why some people seem to find all these drama type relationships.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 65
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/22/2018 11:14:30 AM
I find it hard to believe that people don't know that all men are not ready for sex at anytime with anyone...wtf?? Seriously?

As for reading your partner's sexual mood is a totally different thing, but you might be misreading too.
 Natey2
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 66
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/22/2018 5:53:30 PM
Let me clarify:
I don't parallel date but I do chat/meet with others. By date, I mean a relationship with romantic substance, not just going out somewhere for some activity with a woman.

Neither I nor my partner have committed exclusively. If I were to end relations with everyone else simply because I was sleeping with someone before an exclusive relationship (mutual) forms here, it will take much longer to find the right one if this one fails, because many relationships don't work out, and I'll have to start all over again, versus just dating the next potential person on the list I'm already seeing (not sexually yet).
But since they don't know about the first, I suspect they want to find out (sooner rather than later) if there will be some romatic direction the chats and "dates" are headed.

Caveat: Disclosing the nature of the relationship with the first to the others would be just as good as terminating all other relationships. I've learned not to get into relationships with women who exclusively demand 100% of me too soon (see my profile for details why I can't be somebody's 100%)

So what tends to happen is the secondary/backup relationships tend to steer towards romance sooner than I can get an idea where the current relationship will lead/work out. Hence, the need to defer some things without royally pissing the others off.

I don't expect women who only want to have sex after marriage to understand the above: and I do encounter good Christian women who will not consider pre-marital sex whom I still chat and go out with.
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 67
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/23/2018 11:07:01 AM
There are lots of times I think and think and think there are good reasons why people swear WTF (having sex is the same as just f*cking in many cases). LOL
 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 68
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/25/2018 12:11:24 PM

Other than illness there is another reason that I've turned down sex with a partner. That has been when the person has been excessively hurtful. It would be great if you could always just kiss and make up, but it isn't always that simple. It's not punishment, it's recovery time.


You are so correct ontheotherhand. A very wise comment.
 ginghamgal
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 69
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Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/28/2018 3:45:42 PM

Occasionally turned down isn't a problem for me.....I don't expect my guy to be automatically "in the mood" everytime I am...
and vise versa....
Repeated turn downs....will turn into a problem for me.
If he refuses to discuss the issue....bigger problem.

Agreed. If there are problems, hopefully we would be able to talk about it and find a solution or compromise.
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