Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > How do I word this?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 26
view profile
History
How do I word this?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)

Oh, so if someone sends a short message, it's okay to ignore them, but if someone takes the time to write a longer message, they deserve a response? All people have feelings and emotions, regardless of the length of their messages.


If I responded to a profile, I always referred to what they wrote. It would take the better part of an hour to message one. All that I wrote to, didn't serve up a reply, at all. It took me two years, before I decided that messing around with them was a lost cause. It became apparent, that those I wrote to, were just too rude to bother with.


Sending a response gives a woman some hope. It's a false hope and that can be more damaging than no reply. You have no intentions of meeting her and you are not attracted then leave her alone. For as many men here that complain about "no response" there are women that complain they got "ghosted" after having what seemingly was a nice conversation with a man here. What would be your choice? A few crumbs from the table or the whole smorgasbord?


A few crumbs would be nice. Not even getting those, is why I just stopped shopping. Getting ghosted would at least give me a reason to continue messaging. Getting zero, is when it's time to stop, read the writing on the wall, and start doing other things unrelated to dating.
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/12/2018 4:18:39 PM

So what’s the best way to word it?

Just write, " if you are one Big Mac away from a massive heart attack, please don't contact me. I have no desire to be a widower by 50." That should do it!
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 28
view profile
History
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/12/2018 4:20:57 PM


Just write, " if you are one Big Mac away from a massive heart attack, please don't contact me. I have no desire to be a widower by 50." That should do it!


R.I.P hahahaha
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 29
view profile
History
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/13/2018 7:34:58 AM
How do you avoid people who are out of shape on dating sites? - you can't. If you put it in your profile, you'll likely turn off ones you may want.

The best you can do is choose who you respond to.

95% of your time in dating is wasted. It's ok! You only need to find one good one.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 30
view profile
History
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/13/2018 8:51:08 AM

How do you avoid people who are out of shape on dating sites? - you can't. If you put it in your profile, you'll likely turn off ones you may want.

The best you can do is choose who you respond to.


This.
I don't understand why it's so difficult for some people to just pass over the people they aren't interested in.
Why get offended or pissy if someone you don't fancy sends you a message.
It's not like they're coming into your home and stealing your birthday.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 31
view profile
History
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/13/2018 9:13:28 AM
I used to be polite and respond to almost every guy who messaged me, barring the lewd ones, but after a while I realized I was just leading them on with my politeness and there just is really no polite way to reject someone. Silence is best.

I am overweight but at size 14, 5'8 and 197 lbs, I do not consider myself obese. I'm in reasonable shape. Fitness is important to me and health. When I get contacted by really big guys I do ignore their messages because I'm interested in someone who would like to go swimming with me or on a long walk or hike. But no way in hell would I put no BBMs in my profile because that would make me sound like a snob. And if I read a guy's profile and he said he didn't want any fat women, even if it was in politically correct wording, I would not want to meet him.

I have had some fairly hurtful things said to me on pof. When I have viewed a few guys' profiles (note, I DID NOT even message them) I have had guys send me messages saying they aren't interested in fat women. I started including a full-body photo of myself in my profile so that guys could know I'm not thin. But once I had been talking to a guy for about a week on pof, was set to meet him and he was a no-show. I messaged him later to ask what gives and he said he saw that I was bigger than what he was looking for. It really hurt. And I have been asked my weight many many times on pof and sometimes when I've told a guy, he has said then that he's not interested. And I wonder to myself, if I'm getting that kind of reaction I wonder what women much bigger than me are getting. Perhaps they aren't getting the initial messages at all because they are more obviously bigger. I hate coming to an online dating site as a non-thin woman. At least if I had met a guy in real life, he'd know my weight beforehand and if he asked me out, I'd know I was up to snuff. But when I meet a guy from online that is the first thing that I worry about, if I don't weigh too much for him. And that's completely because of previous experiences I've had on here. So I often ask a guy after he's asked if I will meet if he's okay with bigger women. I let him know my weight upfront and half the time, a guy will say it's all good and want to go out anyway.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 32
view profile
History
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/13/2018 6:06:57 PM
I think giving your weight may be misleading. You provide a full body photo so they can see what your body looks like. If they don't like that, they are free to move on. The reason I say giving your weight may be misleading is that people can carry their weight very differently. Some are well proportioned and wear extra weight very well. Others can have a section of the body that is disproportionately heavy. Some people can hear a number and completely ignore the evidence before them of your full body photo. Just my two cents.
 ontheotherhand
Joined: 6/24/2018
Msg: 33
view profile
History
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/13/2018 9:50:11 PM
As a fat, old broad I say be honest that you're not attracted to larger women, but avoid the snide or rude comments so that you don't scare off our friends. Some will probably still contact you, but you do not need to respond.

The reason I'd advise not responding is even kind rejection can get some very ugly feedback. You don't need that.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 34
view profile
History
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/14/2018 12:07:05 AM
I think my weight is misleading too. I actually have curves in the right places (big boobs/butt) and I'm tall so I carry my weight well. But for some men I'd be considered average and to some fat. Different men have different tastes. Just as women do. But some of the guys who say they can't find a woman on pof because most of them are fat are kind of ridiculous. In my neck of the woods, I would say at least 70% of women over age 30 would not be considered thin.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 35
view profile
History
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/14/2018 12:48:40 PM

But some of the guys who say they can't find a woman on pof because most of them are fat are kind of ridiculous. In my neck of the woods, I would say at least 70% of women over age 30 would not be considered thin.
not in my world! even if you took an average weight and called everyone under that thin, it wouldn't be 70%! what i see online is definitely larger/fatter than what i see out in the real world. i will agree 70% claim to be thin!
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 36
view profile
History
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/14/2018 3:36:32 PM
Maybe it's a winter city thing? I don't know what percentage I'd guess at, but certainly overweight in twenties and thirties isn't uncommon here.
 MeramecRiverRat
Joined: 10/12/2017
Msg: 37
view profile
History
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/14/2018 5:36:32 PM


Contact the woman you prefer and ignore the women that contact you that you are not interested in. Keep it simple. You don't have to answer mail from a woman that you do not find attractive. Most people understand that no response means no interest.


Penny is correct.


I'll add it's bad to express your requirement they not be too fat. The reason: many women who you consider acceptable might consider themselves fat and that you wouldn't want them. Especially in your case where size 12 is OK for you. On the other hand, some who you would consider too fat would consider themselves acceptable (all their lives, many unattractive women are constantly told they're terrific).

Searching on body type isn't perfect because many overweight people put average or athletic (I know many obese women put average, and have heard that many men with big beer bellies claim athletic).

Another hurdle will be the ones whose profile photos make them look like they might be in your desired size range, but in reality they're too big. Photos might be from 5 years ago when she weighed 30 pounds less, or might just show her face without the big gut. She might wear clothes that hide the extra weight.

Best not to reply to someone in whom you're not interested. But if she seems like a nice girl and she sent a thoughtful message, you could send a polite dead-end reply. If she gave you a compliment, just say "thank you". If she asked you a question, you could answer without doing anything to continue the conversation. Apply the golden rule: if the roles were reversed, would you prefer to get such a reply, or would seeing "you have a new message from ..." get your hopes up and you'd be annoyed to find out the reply was a polite rejection?
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 38
view profile
History
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/14/2018 5:39:37 PM
Oh, July...

Obese is a medical category. If your BMI is over a certain number - then you are obese. How you feel has nothing to do with it.

Then not putting ‘no BBMs’ in your profile because it makes you sound like a snob?
No - you either put it in or ignore men who don’t fit what you want because IT IS/IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT.
Not because someone (who you probably don’t know and don’t care about) would feel that you’re a snob.
Never mind that a BBM may also enjoy long walks and swimming as much as you do. I mean, you say men think you’re too large for them but you feel you’re in reasonable shape. What makes you think that a BBM isn’t also in reasonable shape?
Personally, in your situation, I’d actually try dating a variety of men. Simply for the practice of dating rather than trying to leap into a relationship immediately.

Don’t bother wondering what kind of reaction women large than you (like me at 220 lbs, size 20 or 22) are getting. It is not important to your life and dating possibilities.
But if you’re interested, I get a lot of scammers - probably as many as thinner women. One of the men I contacted said he was too busy to date at this time, I’ve received no response to many of my emails, I set up a meet but he was a no-show, and I met another forum POF who I think is a really great guy - but he lives about 1000 miles away. The no messages/no shows are fine - I don’t try to analyze why or why not. It serves no useful purpose. In your case, it seems to serve no useful purpose other than to blame your weight.

Does knowing this about me make you feel any better? Any worse? It should be irrelevant to you. Are you worried about the dating situation of women older or younger than you? You shouldn’t be. It’s irrelevant. NO OTHER WOMAN IMPACTS YOUR DATING SITUATION!
Stop using your weight as an excuse.
Stop being so defensive about it... such as asking a guy if he’s okay with you being a bigger woman, or messaging a no-show as to why he didn’t show (assuming you have a current, full-body photo).

John...
Funny. From my point of view, I see a great many more overweight people than slender or H/W proportional people. I think its because we don’t remember people we pass in the street unless they’re memorable (i.e. excessively thin/fat/ugly/beautiful). So, we ‘see’ people like us
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 39
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/15/2018 6:09:36 AM
I'd prefer no answer to "I don't think we're a good match." Maybe he didn't respond because he doesn't check his inbox or because he's interested in another girl right now. I don't need to be made specifically aware that it's because I suck.
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 40
view profile
History
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/15/2018 8:24:28 AM
Date women you meet at gyms & sporting events

in other words...

GET OFF A DATING SITE & LOOK FOR WOMEN IN THE REAL WORLD, WHERE YOU SEE THEM FIRST, BODY & ALL!
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 41
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/15/2018 10:46:34 PM
^^^ yes. Not only will you see her body-type upfront, You’ll also get a glimpse of her attitude, personality and behavior, which can make her more or less attractive independent of how she actually looks. People who are too hellbent on using online dating as the only way to meet someone aide in their own frustration.
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 42
view profile
History
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/17/2018 10:23:18 AM
my first thought to this post was, "wait first and see if you even get a response, then worry about weeding thru them" :)

but otherwise, i agree with what people have said here. get a response, look at the profile, do a meet 'n' greet that you can escape from quickly if you feel you were sold a bill of goods. nothing ventured...nothing gained. and there are plenty of "shapely" women out there who know how to keep you warm this winter :)
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > How do I word this?