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 prettyprincess3
Joined: 1/14/2011
Msg: 26
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Men with no friendsPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
[As you get older having friends is tougher.]
Tech 30
Thank you for your thoughts. yes, it is more difficult to have friends when you are older because ofall the other things that take up your time. yet, not everyone has the same time constraints. For me, just knowing I have a good friend who cares, and having one who knows that I care, is good enough. We don't always have to see each other. Just check in and check on how things are going. Say 'what can I do to help" if the other is in need, etc. A real friend is there for you for the sunny days and the rainy ones. That's what I want. No easy to find. Have to start with a first time get together and see how it goes. Not so easy to even find someone to do that with as I cannot just walk up to someone on the beach and say 'Hi, want to go for a slice of pizza". LOL
 ontheotherhand
Joined: 6/24/2018
Msg: 27
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/21/2019 6:11:14 PM
OP, not having a lot of friends isn't a problem. I'm an introvert and like my alone time. The problem is when the person turns out to be very needy and expects you to be their everything and just leaving the room to go to the bathroom disturbs them.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 28
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/21/2019 6:31:30 PM
Exactly ontheotherhand. The men I dated with no friends drove me crazy. I like being alone but they didn't understand this and wanted to be together constantly, even when I said I'd sooner be alone. I even told one of them "Go find a friend or a hobby" because he was driving me crazy.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 29
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/21/2019 7:01:45 PM
I have few friends and I am the opposite. I too like my alone time. I have way too much going on to follow anyone around and even though I enjoy the company, I still need me time to myself. had I 'needed' constant companionship, I would devote more time to friends, lovers and bar sluts. a man with no friends "might' be socially ackward and needy but more likely he is busy, self sufficient and happy to be alone.
 ontheotherhand
Joined: 6/24/2018
Msg: 30
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/21/2019 7:33:23 PM
I get it. When you aren't joined at the hip the time together is great. Too much togetherness and I confess that I can become a bytch, especially with the person that becomes clingy.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 31
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/22/2019 6:43:03 AM
Thank you for your thoughts. yes, it is more difficult to have friends when you are older because ofall the other things that take up your time. yet, not everyone has the same time constraints. For me, just knowing I have a good friend who cares, and having one who knows that I care, is good enough. We don't always have to see each other. Just check in and check on how things are going. Say 'what can I do to help" if the other is in need, etc. A real friend is there for you for the sunny days and the rainy ones. That's what I want. No easy to find. Have to start with a first time get together and see how it goes. Not so easy to even find someone to do that with as I cannot just walk up to someone on the beach and say 'Hi, want to go for a slice of pizza". L

________________________________________________________________________________

Yeah hanging out with friends got tougher and tougher. Going out once or twice a week was no problem, but then one friend got depression and stopped wanting to leave his house. Another moved to the states, then I moved a few towns away. Me and some friends have plans to go for drinks friday night and we are planning the annual guys weekend for Blue mountain in July, but other than that its pretty tough to just go meet up.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 32
Men with no friends
Posted: 1/22/2019 9:58:07 AM
There was a site called Friend Finder. But they also had a sister site for sex/players, so I'm not sure how good it is?

One of the side benefits to online dating is, if you have a sociable and extroverted side, and have a good attitude, sometimes you make some friends along the journey......not everyone is a romantic match. People come into your life for different reasons.

I met a gal in November who looks like Meg Ryan. (I'll have what she's having!) She was not attracted to me so I put her in the friends zone. We go to dinner, go to the fair, and I bring her flowers - because she is my friend and she loves them! and we have some lite romance. I get to have dinner out while looking at a beautiful woman. At the same time, I get to date new women. Nothing wrong with that. And when I do find a girlfriend, I can introduce her to my friends - so maybe she'll get a new girlfriend also. Check out the final date story: disorderlylove.com/fantasy-island-date-four/
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 33
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/22/2019 10:26:11 AM

People come into your life for different reasons.


Mostly to annoy me.

I keep hoping the Lottery Commission man/woman will come into my life with a big check.



fantasy-island-date-four/


De plane ! De plane !
 pfif
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 34
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/22/2019 4:01:53 PM
Just quickly -

A separate profile (if you can) just for pal meetups would
reduce the mixed message factor by a lot - trying to
attract two very different kinds of relationships out of
the same profile either means only common denominators
between the two -- or separate profiles, I'd suppose, just as
a thought.
 Natey2
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 35
Men with no friends
Posted: 1/23/2019 10:26:39 AM
Msg: 20

Is there a way that pof can be used to reach out to new people, not as dates, but rather as a way to find new same sex straight friends (not gay/lesbian).


The women I see on POF do not like chatting or texting at all. They want to meet immediately to see if there is any "chemistry" before moving on to the next person.

The only other women who want to meet faster instead of texting or chatting are the DTF women we see on some dating sites.
 ontheotherhand
Joined: 6/24/2018
Msg: 36
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/23/2019 12:13:20 PM


A separate profile (if you can) just for pal meetups would
reduce the mixed message factor by a lot - trying to
attract two very different kinds of relationships out of
the same profile either means only common denominators
between the two -- or separate profiles, I'd suppose, just as
a thought.


While trying to be helpful this is not good advice. Having more than one profile is against the rules and could get both deleted.

Just put in your profile with something about being new and looking for female friends and men to date.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 37
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/24/2019 6:35:13 AM
Huh. My best friend and I were just having a discussion about this last night. She and I are about to become “separated” for the first time in the 2 decades of our friendship due to me leaving the job that we met at it, and it’s definitely causing me a lot of anxiety – a lot more than her (though it is making her so sad that she’s been crying about it).

Will the friendship live on in the post-co-worker world is our individual issue. But as far as the topic of this thread, she has dozens if not hundreds of friends, though only a handful as close as we are; my friends have slowly trickled away to the point that it’s really just her and another female friend left, and I pretty much consider anybody else to be acquaintances or business associates. So she told me I needed to start making new friends. I pointed out to her that study after study shows that older men have great difficulty making new friends, which is something she may not realize since that’s far from true for the typical woman. She makes new close friends at a ridiculous rate – within a few months of meeting one of our new female co-workers, they were planning weekend adventures together, just like she does with her friends she’s had for 30 years.

I’m quite sure I haven’t made a new real friend since my 20s, and yet because of my jobs and hobbies, I’ve met many thousands of people since that time. Just no “clicking.” Most men at this age are content to hang out with their childhood/college friends and/or concentrate on their current romantic interest and/or family. I, of course, have no childhood or college friends (as in, I had no friends when I was that age, for a lot of race-related and geographic reasons), so building up a social circle of friends or bulldozing my way into an established social circle at an older age has been very difficult for me. But again, that’s just true for older men in general, so once your childhood and college age friends start falling away because of moves, their own families and death, they aren’t easily replaceable and many do end up friendless, whether they claim it’s by design or not.

One could argue (and in fact, my best friend DOES argue) that the lack of friends and social circles has been detrimental to my desire to date. And it is certainly true that my last date 12 years ago coincided with the implosion of the social circle I had back then. Social circles are still the number 1 way most people meet their eventual significant others. I probably wouldn’t put so much emphasis on OLD if I still had a social circle. And my physical characteristics put me at the bottom 1% for OLD so I’ve been just foundering. Interestingly, romantic relationships (especially marriage and family) usually create future social circles: your spouses’ friends’ spouses and your children’s friends’ parents often become your friends. I’ve had none of that for 12 years (well, never had the children’s friends’ parents thing, but during my 2 years of having a girlfriend, her friends and sometimes her friends’ significant others became my friends, until we broke up, of course).

So the whole situation kind of feeds on itself and eventually snowballs. I wouldn’t be surprised if some women found the fact that I have so few friends to be a turnoff (my 2 best friends being extremely attractive women might be a bigger turnoff), but at this stage of my life, what are you going to do? It is what it is. It’s not like most women my own age don’t have their own peculiar baggage I’ll have to deal with. If you’re single in your 40s, you most likely have some flaws. Often one of those flaws is not having a whole bunch of friends.
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 38
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Men without hats...or friends
Posted: 1/24/2019 8:44:46 AM
i just ditched a long time friend, so i'm not going to validate men with no friends. except that generally, males tend to be less social, more singular.

would a woman date a man with no friends? if he's hot, yes. the friend i ditched, did it often in her life for that reason :)
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 39
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Men without hats...or friends
Posted: 1/24/2019 9:28:48 AM
Did you ditch her because she dated other men and not you?
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 40
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Men without hats...or friends
Posted: 1/25/2019 9:49:42 AM
h, intitially i had the jealousy most men have when their female friend sleeps with guys who do her wrong but don't find the friend attractive when they obviously like having him around. but over time you realize she isn't sleeping with those "men" b/c she's easy, she's actually choosing men who treat her like her family did growing up, and that's why you aren't in the running. i guess one can consider it a compliment :)

no, i "ditched" her b/c like too many women who grow up attractive, she decided to take the easy way in life without any backup plan. in other words, guys race to bail her out of her problems, and so instead of finishing college or putting aside retirement plans or whatever, she lives as tho there's always going to be a knight in shining armour to save her from herself. so, now she's 61, she lost a job a few year shy of a good retirement plan (but she's $120,000 in debt, so she could only retire if forced to) and she complained that none of her enablers were paying attention to how bad she made her life, b/c they weren't rushing in to take care of her (except her sister, who still balances her checkbook for her every saturday and figures out who to pay and who to stiff. and in her defense, she never stiffed me, pun intended).

so, i decided to stop playing positive, since she wasn't going to save herself, and gave her a wake-up call, knowing the results. sure enough, she hung up the phone, and whether she blames me or takes credit, is something i don't worry about. and that's the long story short :)
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 41
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Men without hats...or friends
Posted: 1/25/2019 12:56:22 PM

OP, not having a lot of friends isn't a problem. I'm an introvert and like my alone time. The problem is when the person turns out to be very needy and expects you to be their everything and just leaving the room to go to the bathroom disturbs them.

Good point. I don't want a woman that is clingy. People should be able to have a life outside of their partner. Whether they are doing things alone or with friends.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 42
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Men without hats...or friends
Posted: 1/25/2019 3:42:44 PM
Baldwin, it is good you realized what you did and stopped playing positive. I see those attractive women being rescued all the time, regardless of some really glaring (to me) personality deficits. There are positive sides to not being able to attract the opposite sex but it took me quite a few decades to figure them out.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 43
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/25/2019 4:53:36 PM

Because she is my friend and she loves them / I'll introduce her to my friends so ~ maybe she'll get a new friend also



^^^Cool Hemingway ! That's a bunch of beautiful thoughts my friend > having a fantastic friend thing going yourself & paying it forward, to enrich another life . Always nice to hear of a positive story, goes to show you what is possible from OLD. Your basically saying - give it a try and if you have a bit of luck, the worse you may do ~ is end up with a good female friend.

... Somebody once told me, love doesn't work if we don't try ... < I imagine, this truth includes both the finding love stage & the keeping love stage ...

heart /sun
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 44
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Men without hats...or friends
Posted: 1/26/2019 10:03:44 AM
ssm wrote:
Good point. I don't want a woman that is clingy. People should be able to have a life outside of their partner. Whether they are doing things alone or with friends.


If someone gets into their ~ 40s+ and has no friends, I mean, c'mon. Someone hasn't done their legwork to maintain or make friends. Yes it is harder for some than others. For men....sports, beer, business, politics, music......if a guy has an interest in, and opinions about the outside world....and an ability to converse...acquaintances shouldn't be that hard to make if one prioritizes it a bit. Later in life, it still isn't that difficult to find acquaintances for activities, if one makes the time. But making "deep" friends, where shared experiences over a long period of time is key - this is more difficult as an adult. That's why dumping or growing apart from old friends should only be done after careful thought, and for good reason. I'm as bad as anyone for allowing that to happen, although I don't see any reason that one can't rekindle old friendships from the past, or even a once/twice a year ping to keep contact....because once you retire, and have nothing to do, those old friendships can add to your life immensely.

I will say that of the above, sports is a biggie for men. Women may roll their eyes, but sports is a very critical aspect of male bonding, to use a cliche. Whether it's spectator sports, or something like hunting. The movie "Field of Dreams" hit the nail on the head. Watching football/sports will bond men of almost any shape size political orientation, race, age, etc. etc. etc. at least superficially for a few hours, generate conversation, and make you overlook other differences you may have. Especially when beer is involved. If a guy doesn't have an interest in sports, it will limit options a bit for bonding with other males...simply because there is so much opportunity, since sports is a big deal to most men, regardless of age/socioeconoimc level/race/etc.

Back to the OP question. As far as dating someone with no friends, ...potential red flag. I would have a concern about that person becoming clingy or that person expecting you to eventually dump your friends to focus on them. Basically I don't wanna be a crutch for someone who has never learned social skillz. And this would go for either sex. Been there, done that.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 45
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Men without hats...or friends
Posted: 1/26/2019 12:14:00 PM

I will say that of the above, sports is a biggie for men. Women may roll their eyes, but sports is a very critical aspect of male bonding, to use a cliche. Whether it's spectator sports, or something like hunting. The movie "Field of Dreams" hit the nail on the head. Watching football/sports will bond men of almost any shape size political orientation, race, age, etc. etc. etc. at least superficially for a few hours, generate conversation, and make you overlook other differences you may have. Especially when beer is involved. If a guy doesn't have an interest in sports, it will limit options a bit for bonding with other males...simply because there is so much opportunity, since sports is a big deal to most men, regardless of age/socioeconoimc level/race/etc.

I'm a sports fan and a few of my closest friends were at best very casual sports fans. I did have other common interests with them. I would say it might be a bit harder for men with largely unique interests or hobbies to make new friends.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 46
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/26/2019 4:23:49 PM
“I will say that of the above, sports is a biggie for men. Women may roll their eyes, but sports is a very critical aspect of male bonding, to use a cliche.”

I actually strongly dislike watching sports with other men. Which, you will likely say, explains a lot. This despite the fact that I actually watch a LOT of sports... by myself. Although, no one would accuse me of being sports-obsessed. I cannot watch sports unless I’m strongly emotionally involved – otherwise, they will bore me to death. “strongly emotionally involved” usually amounts to either it involves a team whose college I attended (UF & USF), or there is an underdog-villain storyline.

For example, I actually once went an entire decade without watching a Super Bowl, because I hated both participants in every game, which made it impossible for me to pull for anyone. Most true sports fanatics in the U.S. live the entire year for the Super Bowl, regardless of the teams in it. This year, I will be watching it, because there is no greater villain than New England, and you can’t get much more underdoggy than the Rams. If Kansas City had won instead of New England, I’d probably still watch it but with great disinterest as I wouldn’t care who won. If New England was playing the 49ers, I’d spend the evening in a movie theater (probably completely by myself).

But anyway, every time I tried watching sports with other men, I just found it seriously annoying. I actually don’t even care too much for PLAYING sports with other men, but obviously as an athlete in organized sports for 18 years, I found it a necessary evil because I liked playing the sports themselves, but I could really do without all the adolescent behavior and boring banter by my teammates and opponents that persisted even beyond college. I enjoyed playing on co-ed teams and coaching women’s teams a lot more. But, watching women’s sports on TV? God, no. That’s worse than trying to watch Brady vs. Montana.

My two closest friends for many years have been women that aren’t really into sports at all, and I’m fine with that -- I much prefer the conversations we have about relationships, art, movies, food, travel, etc. to who's leading the NBA in scoring (which are the kinds of things my brother and my former closest male friend bore me to death with). My very long gone ex-girlfriend pretty much hated sports, but would watch with me anyway, even once threw a Super Bowl party while we were dating – she dumped me right after we finished watching Florida win its second consecutive basketball championship; maybe she thought it would hurt a lot less that way.
 MeramecRiverRat
Joined: 10/12/2017
Msg: 47
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/26/2019 6:34:31 PM


This year, I will be watching it, because there is no greater villain than New England, and you can’t get much more underdoggy than the Rams. If Kansas City had won instead of New England, I’d probably still watch it but with great disinterest as I wouldn’t care who won. If New England was playing the 49ers, I’d spend the evening in a movie theater (probably completely by myself).


Proud to say I will not watch any of the "stupor bore".

Rather than an underdog, I view the Rams as another villain. Nothing against the players, but their owner is a greedy megalomanic. Kroenke owns some other teams whose fans hate him, for example a soccer team in Europe. The Rams enhanced their villain status when the refs turned a blind eye to obvious interference, preventing the Saints from running out the clock and winning. Rams were horrible for many years, giving them many 1st overall draft picks and other high picks, accumulating talent such as Gurley, so their talent prevents me from considering them an underdog. Another thing that makes Rams a villain is they chose to sign N. Suh, a known dirty player.

If it had been KC versus Saints, I would have watched but not really cared who won.
If it had been KC versus Rams, or Saints versus Patsies, I would watch with a strong interest in the villain team losing.
But with both teams villains (in my opinion), I will find something better to do than watch the stupor bore.

Men can bond on things other than spectator sports. Veterans can swap stories about things that happened when they were in the service. Men can talk about fishing, dogs, and other masculine subjects. Would say car maintenance, but modern vehicles have so much computerized crap, it's harder to do it yourself. Old men can be curmudgeons and tell each other how much better things were in the good old days and how much more difficult they had it compared to these spoiled whippersnappers. Young dudes might bond about video games, how their character killed dozens of officers in GTA before dying. Brainy guys can have discussions about "smart people stuff". It's likely Hawking can find common interests and be buddies with some other dudes.

One thing that prevents me from being/staying friends is when they have kids. A single man without kids, his circle of friends shrinks as they start families.
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 48
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/27/2019 3:22:48 AM
anti-social personality disorder, I suspect quiet a few regulars here fall into that category...
 HUMHUMA
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 49
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/28/2019 4:17:54 AM
Not sure why this question....I have friends but in saying that don't befriend everyone I meet for various reasons....and in saying that your known by whom you associate with and I have known good people who hang with those who aren't good people and as I said are not accepted in good circles because of that....these days are different then earlier years....less innocent....more troublesome......and being careful is a good forte....lol
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 50
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/28/2019 4:53:44 AM
“The Rams enhanced their villain status when the refs turned a blind eye to obvious interference, preventing the Saints from running out the clock and winning.”

The other concerns I will let you have, not because I agree with them, but rather they’re your own personal peeves, none of which I care about. But I consider this one highly unfair to the Rams. What were they supposed to do, stop the game and tell the refs they made a big mistake in their favor? Ask for a (not allowed) booth review because they were sure they committed a penalty? They really did all they could do to rectify the situation, which was admit afterwards that they committed a penalty that wasn’t called – heck, the defensive back who committed even went so far as to admit he was purposely trying to get a pass interference call, because he felt that was better than the receiver catching the ball and possibly scoring.

(On a distantly related note, on my last play as a defensive back in high school, I attempted to intercept a ball but was too short and the very tall receiver [coincidentally my cousin] snagged it and scored the game winning touchdown. I was heavily criticized afterwards by many for not just hitting him before the ball got there and drawing a pass interference call, as in high school/college, it’s a 15 yard penalty instead of a spot foul and the ball would have been placed at the 50 yard line in that case. That was probably the last time I was ever over-confident in what I could accomplish as a short man.)

“One thing that prevents me from being/staying friends is when they have kids. A single man without kids, his circle of friends shrinks as they start families.”

This be 1000% true. Yet I’ve noticed that older childless women still seem to hold onto their friends, or in some cases, regain their friends after the children are old enough to largely fend for themselves. My best friend (who has 2 children) says in the beginning, you might want to hang out mostly with other mothers because you have something significant in common and they’re good for advice, but eventually you just want to get away from your kids for a while and talk about anything else, and childless friends are the best for that. Whereas men are often not the primary caregivers, so they have less need for this escape, as they’re frequently away from their kids to begin with. Those that are also the primary breadwinners might be working long hours away from their family and so choose to spend as much free time with them as possible, causing old friends in general but especially childless old friends to drop by the wayside, as the childless ones can’t really be part of a “gettogether with the kids.” After my former closest male friend (I was in his wedding party) had his first kid, he began spending ALL of his time either working or with his family, both nuclear and extended – the latter suddenly began preoccupying a ton of his time they didn’t before, what with grandparents taking every opportunity to see the grandkids and brothers and sisters bringing their kids over to hang out with his kids. I finally just gave up bothering trying to get together with him.

To be honest, I doubt my friendship with my best friend would be anywhere near this close if we didn’t also work together. I saw her more often during her children’s formative years than she saw her parents or any of her siblings. Had either of us left our jobs when her kids were little, she’d probably just be a distant blip on my vast friend radar instead of the most important person in my life. Her children are grown now, so hopefully when we stop being co-workers in a few weeks, she’ll still have time for me. But she has a million friends and family members, so I really don’t think it’s looking good.
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