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 Ghostcast
Joined: 6/20/2016
Msg: 26
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

Whether we like it or not, being just ourselves with no plans to change
does not widen our appeal. I'm all for looking the way you want, doing
what you want, wearing your hair like you want, women wearing make
up or not, but you've got to know you're not going to appeal to everyone.
No one appeals to everyone...except me of course...hahahaha!

I have long hair, but I dislike long hair on men...wrong I know...but there
you have it. The fact that I'm old and have long hair and tattoos doesn't
always do me favors, but I'm not about to give that up either. I'm also not losing
any more weight, I'm not giving up anything I like, and I'm always going to
come and go as I please. I wear what I want, sometimes whether other people
think it looks good or not, and I'm generally outspoken.

So, all that together keeps my prospects limited.
I could learn how to use make up, I could lose more weight, I could change up
my style, I could appear more genteel and I could be more soft spoken, and I would
probably attract a different range of men.

Do what you want...and accept the consequences.
Or make some changes and see what happens.

If you're having no luck at all, maybe you have to look at what you're doing and
stop assuming it's because there aren't any good women about.

PS...not sure what's going on, but your pictures look totally different in that you don't
look like the same person. Your profile picture is attractive, but some of your other pics
are down right creepy looking (IMHO). I'd just up my pictures a little and show yourself
looking your best...unless that's too much changing and not part of your plan.



You might want to go back and read my original post more clearly,

/sigh people seem to keep wanting me to 'cut my hair' big secret fyi, alot of women like long hair on men, I actually get alot of compliments from it, mainly its old fashioned people (like 1950s) mentality that dislike long hair on men, or short hair on women for that matter.

But judging someone by their looks and not trying to get to know them is extremely shallow, and thats not what I am looking for in a partner, so if that is enough to drive a woman away then I wasn't interested in her in the first place.

And I as said in my very first post I am an extremely self critical person, and very considered my own flaws, infact seeing past them has been hard for me because often, and mainly when people dont like what you have to say, people resort to personal attacks and insults, for years I had my self esteem crushed beneath the wheel for other peoples ego's.

Finally someone asked me a question recently that caught me off guard; List all the 'Good' things about yourself. this was a question I literally had never been asked before in my life, and the fact that it never had should tell you a great deal about how I had been treated prior.

You want to paint a picture of me simply being hard to deal with, I am not. You want to paint a picture that its just me, it's not.
I generally am fairly open minded, and have not set insane standards (like many if not most women do) I am only looking for a good and kind person to share my life with, not a hook up, and not someone whom wants to change me.

And if a partner wants to Change you, be it your hair, weight, beliefs, or anything else then that means they do not love you for love, that is not respect, that is not equality, and that is not love. I am me, that is not going to change, especially not for a stranger I meet online.

Alot of women on these dating sites act as if they are owed a 'happily ever after' ...sorry, their not; no one is. Again read my original post more carefully, I stated very plainly at the end that I'll likely end up alone, I have no self deception on that.

I know my flaws, and need no one to remind me of them, but that is my baggage and I do not let other people carry it, I made no claim that I am perfect.

But it way past time for women to hold themselves accountable for their own roll in themselves being alone.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 27
Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 1/29/2019 1:00:08 PM

doesnt unwavering loyalty qualify someone as a good man?


No, it doesn't, but you already knew the answer to that. People require much more than just one positive quality in a partner. If all we wanted was unwavering loyalty, we could get that from a dog.


But it way past time for women to hold themselves accountable for their own roll [sic] in themselves being alone.


That's not gender-specific. It applies to certain men, too.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 28
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 1/29/2019 1:15:01 PM
I don't have to re-read it.
I know what you said.
You are who you are.
You can't find a "good woman".
I suggested changing something up to
see if you attract someone you might be
interested in.

I don't have a pony in this race.
Do what you like.

So if you know you will end up alone,
and you have no plans to change, what are
you complaining about?

No one deserves someone just because they
think they're a nice person.



But it way past time for women to hold themselves accountable for their own roll in themselves being alone.


Maybe they're like you and have accepted the fact they'll be alone. People don't need to attach themselves to someone they're
not attracted to just so they won't be alone.

Your complaint works for both genders.
You posted it...so you're the one I replied to.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 29
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 1/29/2019 1:18:45 PM


Abdicating control over your own life is probably not a good idea.
If a person (male or female) doesn't maintain control over themselves and their lives, then perhaps they should move into a solitary existence.

hmm.....I think you might be misunderstanding. they aren't abdicating control at all,

Not what you originally said... which was
They see it as removing women's control over their lives by removing the possibility of female companionship from the equation completely.

So, at some point they chose to give up their own choices to be under a woman's control.

Perhaps you mis-phrased what you meant??


...they are simply choosing to focus on improving themselves rather than fall in line with the tradition rolls of the man needing to find a wife and build a family.

That's fine. I'm pretty non-traditional myself.
But the point is not to let other people control your life - whether in action or reaction.


They are not anti-woman, they are just not pro-women either, mainly they just want to be left alone. .

Some of the posts of people here on the forums who espouse MGTOW (the only place I've been exposed to MGTOW) can be virulently anti-female. Makes me what to get vaccinated. I try not to think that every MGTOW is that... (so many adjectives to choose from!)… way.
Personally, I understand not wanting to deal with men (or other women) on occasion. Sometimes long occasions. But my wants are not catered to by the universe. I see men everywhere and I'm quite courteous with people until they become obnoxious.
However, I don't usually give them control over me and, if I do, it's temporary (i.e. following orders from a physician, emergency personnel, boss).

ETA: As usual, Boo says it best.
 Ghostcast
Joined: 6/20/2016
Msg: 30
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 1/31/2019 3:06:33 AM

No, it doesn't, but you already knew the answer to that. People require much more than just one positive quality in a partner. If all we wanted was unwavering loyalty, we could get that from a dog.


A dog is an animal, it is loyal to whomever gives it food, and will even eat its owner if hungry enough.
A man is a human being, with a choice, if they choose to stay loyal that is a mark of their character.
Saying 'no it doesn't' shows you have no respect for men as human beings and comparing them to dogs shows you regard them as little more than animals. Is it any wonder that men are leaving relationships with that type of mindset?
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 31
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 1/31/2019 7:44:06 AM
^^^You come here with your complaints about how no "good woman" wants you...
and you reject everything that is said, finding excuses and brushing off insights like
you weren't interested in the first place.

Oh wait.

Yeah.
And if all ANYONE needed was loyalty...a pet is the answer.
Humans have been known to eat other humans if they get hungry enough as well.
And humans have been known to just walk out on their significant others.

No one is comparing dogs to men and showing you disrespect.
They're merely pointing out they being loyal and expecting someone to find you attractive
are not one and the same.

The mindset is...no one is entitled to anything...including a relationship. (which you pretty
much pointed out in your previous post)

Change what you're doing, change how you do it, or make no changes at all...your choice.
In that you find it distasteful to change yourself for others, you should extend the same
courtesies to others...no one should have to change what they want to please you.
 Ghostcast
Joined: 6/20/2016
Msg: 32
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 1/31/2019 10:36:51 AM

^^^You come here with your complaints about how no "good woman" wants you...
and you reject everything that is said, finding excuses and brushing off insights like
you weren't interested in the first place.


Insights? So far I have seen little except shallow complaints about my looks, and shameless evasion with deflective insults, the usual avoiding a real issue by taking a run at me personally.


And if all ANYONE needed was loyalty...a pet is the answer.
Humans have been known to eat other humans if they get hungry enough as well.
And humans have been known to just walk out on their significant others..


Pets don't give loyalty, to believe otherwise is unbearably naive.
Cannibalism...really? thats where you go with that?
Currently in relationship the majority of people of whom 'end' relationships are women, most times throwing away relationships of years thinking they have found something better. The current stats for the US put it at about 87% of all marriages ending in that way.


No one is comparing dogs to men and showing you disrespect.
They're merely pointing out they being loyal and expecting someone to find you attractive
are not one and the same.


Actually Yes that was exactly what was happening, its called being 'Trolled"
It's not about being found 'attractive' it's the fact that women today, right now, do not care about men as people, they do not value their good qualities, only what they can 'give' them. (IE; money) Don't believe me? make a profile on POF as a man and look closely at the profiles of women on here, more often than not it is a list of demands no living man can fit, and nothing on their 'lists' ever even mentions the mans character or personality, and there in lay the problem. They could be dating a serial killer for all they care, as long as he has looks and money for the most part.


The mindset is...no one is entitled to anything...including a relationship. (which you pretty
much pointed out in your previous post)


Yes I did, and also stated in the very first post the I do NOT expect to meet someone. You twisted that into 'me complaining' rather than as it was said; a statement of fact and my acceptance of this. It is you "Trolls" whom are choosing to attack me personally rather than read about what I have said and actually open you minds and THINK about the truth in it, Women in online dating in general have adopted an unhealthy and self destructive way of being, and refuse to take responsibly, rather they want to shift that on men, because women cant be in the wrong yes? This is the very reason men are walking away.


Change what you're doing, change how you do it, or make no changes at all...your choice.
In that you find it distasteful to change yourself for others, you should extend the same
courtesies to others...no one should have to change what they want to please you.


If you need to 'Change' yourself to find 'love' than that love is a lie, and is doomed from the start, you can only keep up a lie for so long before its found out and thats when things end, people going into relationships thinking they can "change" the other person are also doomed to fail, because they didnt love them for whom they were in the first place. I do not now, nor have I ever expected my partners in life to change themselves for me, and I have, for good or ill, loved them for all their flaws. You assuming that I have some kind of double standard is another form of insult in a shameless attempt to deflect and not heed what I said originally.

I have all but given up on women on this site, and online in general, I don't expect them to change, but I do expect them to remain alone and wonder why; "Where have all the Good Women Gone?" when you ask yourself "Where Have all the Good Men Gone?" ask yourself 'Am I a Good Woman?' and consider that maybe just maybe, you meet 'Good Men' on here all the time, they simply get ignored or abused for the most shallow reasons. Bottom Line; Women are actively driven Good Men away, and when called on this they insult, attack and shame in every possible way. -Don't bother replying, at this point I no longer care, you win another Good Man driven off.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 33
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 1/31/2019 10:47:33 AM
^^^BuBye

And good luck to you OP~
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 34
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 1/31/2019 11:32:56 AM
Yeppers...bubye Mr. Ghost.
Good luck in your quest.
 grover14
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 35
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 1/31/2019 12:35:02 PM
There are plenty of good women out there, the trick is finding a compatible one. Believe me, the older you are, the harder it gets. Something to do with what you want and how much baggage follows people. As far as appearance, do exactly what you like. You have great looking hair, and will have much better luck with it long. I speak from experience!
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 36
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 1/31/2019 1:55:21 PM

Don't bother replying, at this point I no longer care, you win another Good Man driven off.

I hope you aren't referring to yourself.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 37
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 1/31/2019 4:03:32 PM
I guess he meant driven off his thread.
How sad.
But where's my prize?
He did say we won.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 38
Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 1/31/2019 7:04:40 PM

There are plenty of good women out there, the trick is finding a compatible one.


Well said, Sir grover, I agree with you. I also think there are many good men, "out there".
Just my personal experience, I know many "Good women". I work with some of them, I call some my friends, I call some of them my relatives. and see some of them here in the Forums nearly everyday.

I tend to believe that if a person states they wish to find a, "Good woman/man"...................then fails to find a, "Good woman" or a "Good man", it is more of a reflection of the "finder" than the "findee".
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 39
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 2/1/2019 4:15:28 AM
So what is the "good" criteria we place upon another human being??? And is "good" actually creating "minimal standards" that allow us to feel superior because we are san's a "good" partner??? Most of the time the adjective "good" indicates meeting standard criteria- for humans most often appropriate, when we refer to authority/subordinate dynamics- good "student/teacher, president/police officer/citizen, minister:clergy/congregation, coach/team, parent/child" . food certainly works with the adjective good. any domesticated animal that is obedient, productive and loyal is good, crops are good when they produce"
If we believe we are good in our role than shouldn't our partner "roll" (sic. but i like the freudian slip concepts) and play dead while we pat the belly, give them an A, guarantee a place in heaven, fight ridiculous wars, allowing them authorized freedoms only, and they continually reproduce at our will"?
What is this ever elusive "minimal standard good" . If someone wanted only a "good woman" move on cause ton of, not only, good, but indeed wonderful women..If that's your criteria your standards/goals and mine do not mesh...if good would do for me- i would not have stayed single cause many- many good/wonderful people have been in my life- fortunately, I am only willing to grab that fruit hanging on the tippy tippy top of the tree! But the low fruit sustains and is valuable!!! Extremely!!
 grover14
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 40
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 2/1/2019 6:05:59 AM
Yes, Ladyinred, I'm one of those that have been on here a long time without finding someone. And yes, it's my fault! I've mentioned before that I'm much took picky. I'm really tired of the dating routine, and someone broke my heart so bad, I have trust issues. BUT, the fact that I'm still looking and hoping that wonderful woman will come along, gives me a reason to keep looking. I know, another sob story! I just turned 65 so I hope she comes knocking on my door soon.
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 41
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 2/1/2019 6:28:30 AM
^^ SMILE, Grover Grover Come over lol-jk but you might have to invite one to come otherwise it will be solicitors, religious missionaries, census data collectors, cable home maintenance workers. etc- never know that could be an overlooked pairing, occasionally others may present it does happen..
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 42
Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 2/1/2019 8:25:12 AM

Saying 'no it doesn't' shows you have no respect for men as human beings and comparing them to dogs shows you regard them as little more than animals. Is it any wonder that men are leaving relationships with that type of mindset?


I wasn't comparing men to dogs. Unlike a dog, I don’t define a good man as only possessing the quality of loyalty. I have known abusive men who didn’t cheat on their partners. It takes much more than loyalty to qualify as a good man. As far as respect goes, that’s not an issue for me. I respect the man I’m involved with – and in turn, he respects me.
 beercookies
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 43
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 2/2/2019 12:49:32 AM
They are taken, like good men are usually, or they are looking for the right one. We aren’t always the right one for “ good” people. Sometimes we need to work on our healing first and become better in all ways.

Op, the title of thread is indefensible and just designed to make you feel righteous or valid for being alone. Nothing wrong with being alone, and you have not dated “all women” to make that sweeping generalization, just women in your circles locally.

You are talking somewhat about online-the downtrodden, desperate, quick fix people wanting to glom onto others for whatever they can get. I am sorry you had abusive relationships. I had a situation myself. Before that my ltrs were merely dissatisfying and ended, never to speak to the parties again, for the relationships were shallow,
in my view. I never really missed that many.

But, the abusive situation taught me things like compassion for the damage abuse inflicts, have far reaching impact on one’s whole life like distrust of others, needing to keep oneself safe, aversion to risk or the complete opposite impulse- accepting anybody and anything. Both genders have experienced abuse and its fallout, but one has to acknowledge it vs brush it aside, to heal from it.

The longer you stayed in, the worse you damage yourself. Mine was “ relatively brief” compared to some in very long term situations, but being tortured in any way for any length of time is damaging and stays with you forever, an indelible memory.

Good matches/ people are rare in men and women. Good matches are rare for most people. Why do people think finding an appropriate person to date is abundant, or a walk in the park?

If you want it so badly, you need to get off the internet and plug into social networks of some kind and form friendly connections with men and women. If you have much to offer, you will attract that person, esp if the groups are tailored to your interests and core values.

Before that though, you need to heal from all your experiences before you are ready to date. Users and abusers come in all genders. One has to learn to discriminate, and have some standards and boundaries for behavior.

I learned to try to understand how abuse happened to me, my part. Desperation, fear of loneliness like those seen in online seekers, the desire for a band aid, quick fix, naiveté, wanting to believe people are good and don't lie, believing what I wanted to hear, wanting to be rescued or rescue, thinking I could fix abuse, loyalty for its own sake vs those deserving of such, many misguided notions, springing up from fear and inexplicable self loathing, perhaps going back to childhood that I had covered up in various guises via certain achievements, and attempting to “find life meaning via relationships.”

Relationships can give your life meaning, but they are not the meaning of your life. YOU are the center of your life and are complete without anyone, even though we are social beings. It’s invaluable be plugged into society. It provides context and depth, and is necessary to a meaningful life.

When we focus on others’ faults though, without a look at our own, it disempowers us, as we cannot fix people, we can only fix ourselves.
Your current negative view on “women”attitude will surely drive away any “good women”. Playing victim works not for men, not for women, even if one was victimized at a point. That role has to be discarded in favor of “ survivor”. In many cases of victimization, there were some choices. In knowing my insecurity that led to an abusive situation, I can know how it happened, how to avoid it and get out when I see the signs.
Wishing you healing. It might be best to start with platonic friends of either gender and take it slow.
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 44
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 2/2/2019 6:57:44 AM
^^ Thank you for the clear, powerful share.. Really Like "good matches"!! and that is the key- i am adopting it -so when people speak of "good-men vs/or women" i will substitute "Good Matches" (excellent`e)
 forumfairy
Joined: 3/20/2018
Msg: 45
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 2/2/2019 1:58:56 PM

They are taken, like good men are usually, or they are looking for the right one. We aren’t always the right one for “ good” people. Sometimes we need to work on our healing first and become better in all ways.

Op, the title of thread is indefensible and just designed to make you feel righteous or valid for being alone. Nothing wrong with being alone, and you have not dated “all women” to make that sweeping generalization, just women in your circles locally.

You are talking somewhat about online-the downtrodden, desperate, quick fix people wanting to glom onto others for whatever they can get. I am sorry you had abusive relationships. I had a situation myself. Before that my ltrs were merely dissatisfying and ended, never to speak to the parties again, for the relationships were shallow,
in my view. I never really missed that many.

But, the abusive situation taught me things like compassion for the damage abuse inflicts, have far reaching impact on one’s whole life like distrust of others, needing to keep oneself safe, aversion to risk or the complete opposite impulse- accepting anybody and anything. Both genders have experienced abuse and its fallout, but one has to acknowledge it vs brush it aside, to heal from it.

The longer you stayed in, the worse you damage yourself. Mine was “ relatively brief” compared to some in very long term situations, but being tortured in any way for any length of time is damaging and stays with you forever, an indelible memory.

Good matches/ people are rare in men and women. Good matches are rare for most people. Why do people think finding an appropriate person to date is abundant, or a walk in the park?

If you want it so badly, you need to get off the internet and plug into social networks of some kind and form friendly connections with men and women. If you have much to offer, you will attract that person, esp if the groups are tailored to your interests and core values.

Before that though, you need to heal from all your experiences before you are ready to date. Users and abusers come in all genders. One has to learn to discriminate, and have some standards and boundaries for behavior.

I learned to try to understand how abuse happened to me, my part. Desperation, fear of loneliness like those seen in online seekers, the desire for a band aid, quick fix, naiveté, wanting to believe people are good and don't lie, believing what I wanted to hear, wanting to be rescued or rescue, thinking I could fix abuse, loyalty for its own sake vs those deserving of such, many misguided notions, springing up from fear and inexplicable self loathing, perhaps going back to childhood that I had covered up in various guises via certain achievements, and attempting to “find life meaning via relationships.”

Relationships can give your life meaning, but they are not the meaning of your life. YOU are the center of your life and are complete without anyone, even though we are social beings. It’s invaluable be plugged into society. It provides context and depth, and is necessary to a meaningful life.

When we focus on others’ faults though, without a look at our own, it disempowers us, as we cannot fix people, we can only fix ourselves.
Your current negative view on “women”attitude will surely drive away any “good women”. Playing victim works not for men, not for women, even if one was victimized at a point. That role has to be discarded in favor of “ survivor”. In many cases of victimization, there were some choices. In knowing my insecurity that led to an abusive situation, I can know how it happened, how to avoid it and get out when I see the signs.
Wishing you healing. It might be best to start with platonic friends of either gender and take it slow


Bravo, beercookies. This is one of the best posts if not the best post I've ever read here
 beercookies
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 46
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 2/2/2019 8:47:43 PM
Thank you both, appreciate it.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 47
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 2/3/2019 9:07:18 AM
Your post was good.

The big trick is finding someone willing to take a chance. One of the main reasons I stopped looking. Getting nixed in two minutes or less isn't what I'd call ego building. Which is why I decided that there's better things to do.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 48
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 2/3/2019 4:07:19 PM

comparing dogs to men & women


... ^^^ there is no comparison ^^^ ~ dogs have already achieved, what men or women never will ...

... where have too many good people gone ? long time passing ..
... where have too many good people gone ? long long time ago ..
... where have too many good people gone ?

... gone to an opioid heaven , every one ...

... when will they ever learn ? ...
... when will we , ever learn ? ...

... heart / walls good / sun ...
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 49
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 2/3/2019 4:57:16 PM

there's better things to do


... Purplerider > Man ! You are a fantastic dude really ! I've always been very interested to read your posts. I think your a great example for all out here to learn from . You've come to the realization that it's best for you to stop looking. Seriously, that is cool and I think there are thousands like you. You've got a logical outlook, a calm demeanor, and I for one respect & admire you.

... & Guess what ? ( although don't hold your breath ) Ya just never know when your out there doin' your thang, being you & bein' happy to be above ground and all ~ along may come an inquisitive spider, and you'll sit your a'ss beside her. Welp, & after that it could be kurds and whey and wtf forever ( who knows?)

... Anyway, you got my respect, ole buddy boy - buddy boy !!! We only got this one life, ain't enough time really - for f*uckng around being down !

S
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 50
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Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Posted: 2/3/2019 6:32:59 PM
I am thinking of curds and whey, tuffets!! lol spiders- being 6 yrs old again...
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