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 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 26
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTSPage 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
ontheotherhand said:

Basically I attempt to treat people the way I want to be treated. I sincerely do believe that please and thank you go a long in making people feel appreciated and respected. I treat people with respect until they show me that they don't deserve it.


Exactly. I agree and tend to be the same way. I’ve lost respect for people I once liked after they said something (or neglected to say something) which indicated that they had no respect or appreciation for me.

zonavar68said:

What I find rude is that if I offer to pay the whole bill and the lady goes along with that, a thankyou is expected. So if no recognition of covering the full expense is provided, that's a sign that I'm being used and there is no real genuine interest.


It’s also a sign that she isn’t a lady.
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 27
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Posted: 1/28/2019 8:38:32 PM
Today, my husband & I went out to lunch, he paid but I left the tip.

Neither of us said "thank you" to each other.

We enjoyed ourselves, were pleasant to each other, etc.

We are such horrid, awful, terrible people!
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 28
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Posted: 1/28/2019 9:03:07 PM
^^^ Apples and oranges when it comes to comparing it to a first date. Not even remotely close.
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 29
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Posted: 1/28/2019 9:27:54 PM
Oh please, the majority of women I know who are still single don't want to commit to suffer through an entire meal w/ a random from the internet & sure do have the $$ to pay for what ever they want to ingest when they meet the guy.

In my entire almost 60 years of life I never heard such whining over a man paying a few bucks (should he chose to) for a cup of coffee or a meal.

Every woman I know has food in her house & at the least can make herself a sandwich.

Why would they suffer a stranger's company? To get a free meal? No one is that desperate/hungry!

The men (& women) that carry on about such drivel need to stay home...alone.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 30
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Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/28/2019 9:49:44 PM
We were born Companion when society was much different and and had different morals one of which the man paid for the date, it was an unwritten law because of societal norms dating back for a long time. On the other threads floating around this topic I don't recall any of those complainers mention when they had asked out a woman they had told her it was dutch treat.
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 31
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Posted: 1/29/2019 3:59:32 AM
^^Correct, I am a few months shy of 60.

The reason most of the men who whine about "paying" is because they are not attracted to that particular woman & don't want to pony up a few bucks for a woman they have no interest in banging. Or they do so bec. of the societal norms, then feel resentment towards her.

I think each scenario is unique & the parties should have some communication about meeting so as to clarify their expectations.

And if they don't like all the possible outcomes, maybe they should NOT BE DOING OLD.

Gawd, I have a friend in NY who bellyaches so much about OLD, I want to scream. Some ppl need to just hang it up & get a puppy.
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 32
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Posted: 1/29/2019 5:51:30 AM
suffer through a stranger?? For a free meal? then WHY not pick up the tab?
This calls me to recollect a friend in my adolescence, Charlie. Who challenged the difficulty of wearing high heels-we had the same size feet. So i said "let's do a lap around the gym wearing my heels" . I went first: we timed it... My time was nothing decent compared to when i wasn't wearing heels. He broke his ankle 1/3 of the way around... Heels are heels...Can be a humbling experience.. OLD is as old does. As online/internet is the new era..
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 33
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Posted: 1/29/2019 7:12:55 AM

suffer through a stranger?? For a free meal? then WHY not pick up the tab?


Why would any RATIONAL adult repeatedly put them self in a situation that is not conducive towards a relationship?

Meeting a person for the 1st time from the internet for a meal, rather than a drink or coffee (that could be extended into more) is setting up a bad scenario IMO.

The decision about the cost/going dutch, etc. should all be discussed ahead of time IF the 2 ppl are responsible adults who have their heads screwed on straight.

If a man (or a woman) pays for the other person, then IMO they have no right to b1tch about it after the fact.

Neither party should have any expectation, other than the person shows up in a timely manner & hopefully has not misrepresented themself.

I'd also advise any person who is doing OLD, if not getting the desired outcome within a certain time frame, then stop & make some major changes INTERNALLY, before resuming again.
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/29/2019 8:13:03 AM

The decision about the cost/going dutch, etc. should all be discussed ahead of time IF the 2 ppl are responsible adults who have their heads screwed on straight.

If a man (or a woman) pays for the other person, then IMO they have no right to b1tch about it after the fact.

Couldn't agree more. People should just probably date like minded people. Those who prefer to go dutch can date one another and those who prefer more traditional dating methods can date one another. All that matters is its working for the people involved. Being gracious on the date is more than enough, IMO. If you are hysterically happy someone took you out and want to thank them again after the date, sure, go ahead and thank them again. Don't do it just because you think you are being polite. Most people can smell a phoney a mile away.
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 35
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Posted: 1/29/2019 8:40:18 AM
https://homemaking.com/hannah/1950s-good-wife-guide/?fbclid=IwAR3StgMQyOl3ZUpllsoDtopbyDQZjRGnAUGbchn0tmjAgG_aQo0wEt02HRs

I just found this little gem for those who may need (are you reading, OP?) more man-advice!

This ‘Good Wife’s Guide’ From The 1950s Explains How Women Should Treat Their Husbands

1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed. [HAVE CHAN'S PEKING KITCHEN, POPEYES & CICI'S ON SPEED DIAL]

2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. [BETTER YET GET SNOCKERED W/ 1/2 A BOTTLE OF VODKA SO YOU CAN TOLERATE THE OLD BAST@RD]

3. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him.[YEP HE MAY ENJOY WATCHING SOME GIRL ON GIRL ACTION] His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. [SOUNDS A BIT LIKE ROGER VADIM & JANE FONDA, NO?]

4. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. [JUST TOSS THE DIRTY LAUNDRY IN THE TRASH, U CAN ALWAYS CHARGE MORE NEW, CLEAN CLOTHING WHILE HE IS AT WORK]

5. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables. [MAKE THE KIDS PICK UP THEIR CRAP WHILE YOU WATCH RE-RUNS OF I LOVE LUCY]

6. Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction. [YES I AM SICK OF LIVING IN THIS DUMP IF I BURN IT DOWN I CAN COLLECT THE INSURANCE $$]

7. Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise.[ DUCT TAPE WORKS WONDERS]At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.[NOT A PROBLEM, SHOVE THEM IN THE WALKIN CLOSED BOUND & GAGGED WHILE MOMMY HAS A LIL DRINKY]

8. Be happy to see him.[YES THE PAYCHECK IS WALKING THRU THE DOOR]

9. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. [YES LET HIM THINK YOU REALLY WANT HIM SO HE WON'T SUSPECT THAT THE MAYTAGE REPAIRMAN CHECKED YOUR "SPIN CYCLE"]

10. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first — remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours. [SMILE & ACT LIKE AN IDIOT WHILE HAVING YOUR EARPLUGS IN]

11. Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. [IT'S OK IF THE OFFICE SLUT BANGS HIM OR BLOWS HIM, JUST ONE LESS THING YOU HAVE TO DO FOR HIM LATER] Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

12. Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. [HE NEEDS TO BE RESTED ENOUGH TO GET UP & GO & BRING HOME MORE BACON]

13. Don’t greet him with complaints and problems. [NO SAVE THAT FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND]

14. Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. [THE OFFICE SLUT WILL BE WASHING THE GUNKY SHEETS NOT YOU- YAY!] Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

15. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. [LACED W/ A LITTLE WHITE OLEANDAR, AS LONG AS HIS LIFE INSURANCE IS UP TO DATE]

16. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. [NO JUST NO]Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

17. Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him. [CORRECT, JUST FLEECE HIM.]

18. A good wife always knows her place. [ONE HAND HOLDS HIS CREDIT CARD WHILE YOU ARE IN YOUR PLACE ON TOP OF THE POOL BOY]
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 36
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Posted: 1/29/2019 10:54:51 AM
^^^Not sure what the purpose of that was.
Maybe done tongue in cheek, but I can't see that it applies
to anyone here...or for that matter the topic.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 37
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Posted: 1/30/2019 1:24:07 PM
^^^Practicing for her stand up comedy debut?
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 38
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Posted: 1/30/2019 2:50:02 PM

men who cannot afford to pay for a dinner date ~ should not be dating



^^^ this is my opinion & you may quote me on that ... ( short horse snort, lips swappin' )

* After dating for some time, if a woman " offers " to share ANY expense, then this is a discussion reserved for each other ~ after all, they are two consenting adults > col

... heart / horse snort / sun ...
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 39
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/30/2019 3:24:26 PM
^^^ The OP has already established that she is referring to a case where two people on a date are NOT going Dutch. The topic is about saying "thank you" to the person incurring the cost of the date.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 40
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Posted: 1/30/2019 3:52:20 PM
Does the word Etiquette as it's intended even apply in the 21st century?
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 41
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Posted: 1/30/2019 4:49:34 PM

the topic is about saying " thank you " to the person incurring the cost of the date


... ^^^ Thank You ^^^ that makes sense !

... Just like my momma always told me, a thank you goes a long way !


S
 ontheotherhand
Joined: 6/24/2018
Msg: 42
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Posted: 1/30/2019 7:41:23 PM
Gee, thanks for coming back and posting that, backcreek.

Rise, Yes, I do believe etiquette is still relevant today.

Merriam Webster definition of etiquette:

Definition of etiquette:the conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life.
.

It's not a rule book, but it is a guide. I sincerely believe please and thank you convey respect and/or appreciation, depending on the situation. I use them daily with my friends, loved ones and in my job.
 Canandaigua_Momma
Joined: 12/16/2015
Msg: 43
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Posted: 1/30/2019 9:08:31 PM
Courtesy, decency, manners, graciousness, and kindness are timeless with dating.
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/31/2019 5:17:02 AM

this is my opinion & you may quote me on that

Don't apologize for your opinion, Backcreek. You are entitled to yours just as much as anyone else. Yours was right on topic. The OP clearly meant more than showing graciousness on a date when she added this part.

In choosing dutch treat it could remove many of such outdated ideas. yet is often very difficult to overcome and challenge the social- culture gender programming found in "over 45" dating.

I'm not quite sure where some folks get the idea that a man paying for a date is out of vogue. I know plenty of people of all ages, its the norm with most! The only place this is considered outdated is here on POF.
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 45
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Posted: 1/31/2019 5:41:41 AM
Well Folks all over not just POF are changing-and indeed with rising costs of entertainment it is always en vogue to realize everybody can be in a situation where money is difficult to expend. "man paying for" put this in front of most anything- even if we say (Hu) man-and it becomes a commodity exchange not an intimacy exchange.. If a woman can't afford to pay for the date- woman need not date... It is not about affording anything other than company/communication.. that is it.. So poor people in general just do not date?? hmmm??? interesting?? That sound of "en vogue NORM" lol
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/31/2019 5:49:42 AM

-and it becomes a commodity exchange not an intimacy exchange

Much like men who equate dating as a form of prostitution, women who equate men paying for a date as a commodity exchange, shows someone with far bigger issues than this, they probably shouldn't be dating.
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 47
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Posted: 1/31/2019 6:04:40 AM
^^Chicken or Egg?? who does what doesn't matter-as long as any one feels the exchange of money either way is a norm-or indicates any quality of humanity besides a little change in their pocket going jingle https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMFMf9cN64U https://anidifranco.bandcamp.com/track/what-if-no-ones-watching
Little music to help edify (wrong track on ani) now it is right
 forumfairy
Joined: 3/20/2018
Msg: 48
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Posted: 1/31/2019 6:06:13 AM

"man paying for" put this in front of most anything- even if we say (Hu) man-and it becomes a commodity exchange not an intimacy exchange..

As a male I find this insulting. I will only guess you must have suffered some trauma in your life to have this outlook. When I ask a lady out, I pay. I enjoy female company and do NOT consider it a commodity exchange.
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 49
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Posted: 1/31/2019 6:14:30 AM
That is your prerogative yet remember i have not insulted anyone personally.. (Trauma no security in self yes) so go ahead and find a different perspective so offensive that you need to judge the one offering it..>> not discourse enhancing.. but that is ok we all are socially aware in our time..
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 50
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/31/2019 7:35:31 AM
Oh no, not the "Who pays" question again. Ugh.

I recommend men offer to pay for at least the first few dates. If she's a nice lady and it turns into a relationship, she'll make your favorite meal, give you a backrub, or buy the show or movie tickets once in awhile. It all works out in the end if she's a good lady.

Sometimes women want to go dutch because they are not interested in the man and don't want to feel obligated to him. Other times they do it because they are just too nice (the really good ones - marry her!!).

Guys can take a woman on inexpensive dates in the beginning. That saves money and weeds out the golddigers automatically. The golddiggers will hate you (good!!)! It's not where you are that's important, it's who you are with and how much fun you are having.

I offer to pay but just go with the flow.......if she wants to go dutch, or pay the tip, fine. I don't make a mountain out of a molehill.
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