Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Dating Etiquette of 21 century "ADULTS"      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 51
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTSPage 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Well Folks all over not just POF are changing-and indeed with rising costs of entertainment it is always en vogue to realize everybody can be in a situation where money is difficult to expend. "man paying for" put this in front of most anything- even if we say (Hu) man-and it becomes a commodity exchange not an intimacy exchange.. If a woman can't afford to pay for the date- woman need not date... It is not about affording anything other than company/communication.. that is it.. So poor people in general just do not date?? hmmm??? interesting?? That sound of "en vogue NORM" lol


I agree with you, Initia. The pleasure of company should be mutual, not compensatory. Everyone should be able to afford to date - even poor men and women. That's where Dutch Treat comes in handy. I would like to see it become more mainstream.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 52
view profile
History
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/31/2019 7:53:10 AM
Honestly, I've found the WHO THE **** PAYS to only be an issue
in here.

In my entire 66 years on board earth, I've never gotten into an
argument, got upset, worried, stressed or pissed off about who pays.

But I guess that's because I'm an adult and I know how to behave.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 53
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/31/2019 7:57:53 AM
I'm not sure poor people should be dating.............. if they can't afford to spring for dinner.........what if they have an accident and have an unplanned pregnancy? If they can't afford dinner, how could they afford a child?
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 54
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/31/2019 8:03:20 AM

I'm not sure poor people should be dating.............. if they can't afford to spring for dinner.........what if they have an accident and have an unplanned pregnancy? If they can't afford dinner, how could they afford a child?


Getting pregnant is a choice for most of us. If a poor person can't afford to pay for dinner for the other person, that's okay; but they should at least be able to afford to pay for themselves. They just need to limit their dates to inexpensive venues.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 55
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/31/2019 8:19:21 AM

Honestly, I've found the WHO THE **** PAYS to only be an issue
in here.

In my entire 66 years on board earth, I've never gotten into an
argument, got upset, worried, stressed or pissed off about who pays.

But I guess that's because I'm an adult and I know how to behave


Awwww Boo, I agree with you, (minus 3 years, LOL).
Plain and simple, the key is communication. Ask, DO NOT assume.

I'm baffled, WTF does "paying for dinner" have to do with "pregnancy"?
Does what............ one eats, create a fetus?
You know like swallowing a watermelon seed?
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 56
view profile
History
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/31/2019 9:09:51 AM

women on a pedestal, so to speak


^^^ col > I guess some ( especially men possibly ) may have poor reactions to the above statement. I say, to each his / her own. Personally, I place women on a pedestal ( so to speak ) > in the overall sense that they are the " glue " which holds all of mankind together. Not only do they birth & foster out children but , they often offer a completely different take on things then a man might. If not for women, we men would have destroyed each other by now - for sure.

............... LIFE would not be worth living, if women did not exist. They are the yin to our yang, the complement to our savagery, the guiding force behind our evolution as human beings. So in my mind, they should be treated a bit differently then a man might be. I think many men do not appreciate women as they should. Actually, many men probably feel women are heartless, inferior & out to benefit themselves primarily. The blind men often lead the blind, that doesn't mean they don't constantly bump into one another.

............... As an example > When I was very young, I wanted to take a young girl to lunch and a movie. Although I worked often mowing lawns and cutting shrubs, I spent the money on things for myself. I asked my dad to lend me the money required and he told me no. He said " If you want something bad enough, you must earn the money required to fund it, this young lady is not going anywhere anytime soon - start mowing ". < This is sort of why I think a man should initially pay " in total " for the first several dinner / other dates. Not only should he not think it should be dutch, but if he cannot afford to do so, he should work until he can. So, yes - I feel a " thank you " from a female dinner date is appropriate, if not excitingly wonderous & illuminating < col

... heart / sun ...
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 57
view profile
History
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/31/2019 9:38:17 AM
^^^
... Hey forumfairy ~ nice to see your wittle wings, flappin' their way back into a thread now & then !

... col

... Seriously though > have a wondrous 2019 brother !

... backcreek
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 58
view profile
History
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/31/2019 9:47:11 AM
At 67 , I promise not to get pregnant no matter who pays for what. LOL
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 59
view profile
History
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/31/2019 9:57:59 AM
Yeah, jeepers.
Apparently another side affect of dating is accidentally
getting pregnant while at dinner and fighting over who
should pay.
 forumfairy
Joined: 3/20/2018
Msg: 60
view profile
History
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/31/2019 11:26:42 AM

That is your prerogative yet remember i have not insulted anyone personally..

If you cannot fathom why someone who has no other agenda besides making sure a woman has a great time in his company, feels safe, and respected, would find your comment offensive and personally insulting, I'm afraid I won't be able to explain it to you.


Hello to you, Mr. Backcreek. Now that I'm single again, I hope to be dropping by more often. If time permits. I hope 2019 is treating you well, so far. It didn't get off to quite the start I had hoped for, with the break up, but I will give it some time and get back out there again.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 61
view profile
History
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/31/2019 11:29:41 AM

what if they have an accident and have an unplanned pregnancy?


Having consensual sex isn't an accident.
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 62
view profile
History
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/31/2019 11:48:14 AM
OK- now it took a terrible turn- now i guess mandatory house arrest and sterilization for the poor- because it may be difficult to pay for two peoples entertainment. This post was not about who pays- but the general confusion about appropriate nature of a follow up thank you call
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 63
view profile
History
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/31/2019 1:52:34 PM
People should do what they are comfortable with, as long as they are UPFRONT first.

Posturing & posing is not very attractive.

If I were single again & a man invited me to dinner, I would have no issue paying for myself, but he may take it as an affront. (A generational thing)

I don't think most men I ever dated wanted a follow up call or email. Being in the moment & being appreciative was enough for them.

The who pays hoopla seems to be a never ending story on the POF Forums- it doesn't even sound like "dating" more like people meeting & making all kinds of excuses for rejecting or being rejected- "posturing & posing" ;0D
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 64
view profile
History
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/31/2019 2:48:35 PM
I do think men I date will appreciate a follow up thank you call- as do I. Removes a great deal of pressure and in such no posturing..
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 65
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/31/2019 3:08:03 PM
Hey Initia, Are you keepin' the pipes warm? LOL

I think people in general appreciate hearing, "Thank you".
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/31/2019 3:43:56 PM

Removes a great deal of pressure

Dare I ask what all this pressure everyone is suppose to be feeling is all about? I've been on many dates, I have never felt "pressure" after any of them. Oh wait, I have felt pressure in my bladder, needing to pee, I'm thinking, somehow, that's not the pressure you speak of. Is a text acceptable? or is a phone call the only acceptable form of communication?
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 67
view profile
History
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/31/2019 4:19:42 PM

I do think men I date will appreciate a follow up thank you call


Is that to manipulate him into asking for a 2nd date?

and what do u mean by "date"? Do you mean a long term relationship? or just random hookups etc?
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 68
view profile
History
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/31/2019 5:14:42 PM
https://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/a3775/dating-rules-thank-you-notes-second-dates/

Old sports:

I recently went on a pretty great first date, but I worried that I unintentionally sent a bit of mixed signal at the end of the night. By the next evening--when I had not received a follow-up text from the dude who'd taken me out--I fretted, and asked my friend Harry Berkeley if I should send good-date guy a little note saying Thanks for such a nice time, or some such. Emphatically, Harry said "No! Let him do the work."

Yesterday, I found some evidence that Harry's advice was on the money. For her new book Have Him At Hello, Professional matchmaker Rachel Greenwald interviewed 1,000 single guys to find out what turns "marriage-minded" men on--and off. As she notes in a post she did for Huff-Po, she talked to guys who went out with her clients but DIDN'T call back after a date and also talked to happily hitched guys; she needled all of them, asking for detailed feedback about why they thought some women had immediate potential, and others didn't. In her post, she describes the three lessons she found most surprising. Let me summarize them for you.

(I'll give you the most interesting finding last, and the least interesting first.)

1. NEVER SAY NEVER

Greenwald found that men tend to write off women who say things like "I'll never move out of Brooklyn--I love it here!" Or "Not in a million years would I give up working full-time!" It seems that men like women who come across as flexible, and that those who say "never this" or "never that" seem too difficult and unyielding. So Greenwald advises you hold on to your opinions ... but never say never out loud when a date is asking you about your plans for the future. (Unless you're saying "You never know.")

2. NEVER FAIL TO

OFFER

TO PAY

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW



Greenwald also learned that 84% of marriage-minded men expect to pay the bill on a first date--but that they don't like it when a woman takes their generosity as a given. Men appreciate the gesture when women offer to contribute to the bill--although if they're into you, they won't let you (though they might let you pay for the post-prandial drink). She notes, "If he allows you to split the bill, you probably won't be hearing from him again (or if he does call back, it's doubtful he's interested in anything serious.") I think she's right ... when it comes to men who are serious about getting married. (But maybe we can get a little deeper into the question of the paying stuff tomorrow, or later this week.)

A side note: I personally rarely say never--because as much as I love Brooklyn, and am fairly certain there is no other city I'd like better, I'd be willing to move to L.A. if I found a nice screenwriter, or to consider Ann Arbor if I found a nice English professor, or to try Scandinavia, even, if I discovered a sexy sculptor who resided there. And I usually offer to pay, because that feels polite. As such, the lesson that I found most helpful was Greenwald's third:

3. NEVER SEND A "THANK YOU" EMAIL (OR TEXT) AFTER A DATE

Here's why, according to Greenwald: "Men told me that while they appreciate the 'thank-you-email,' it ultimately causes them to lose interest in a woman, because men like the chase." And when they get a gracious message the next day, instead of making them think you have great manners,[u] it makes them think you're a little desperate.[/u] "Even if he enjoyed your date, the thank-you-email is more deflating than endearing (on average) because, if he liked you too, he'd want to contact you first to pursue you," she says. "The fix? Thank him graciously at the end of the date, but don't steal his thunder the next day." She says if you don't hear from him at all, that simply means he's just not that into you.

I hate to say it, because I like to think we woman should be able to do whatever the hell we want to do ... but I think Greenwald's right.

Girls? Boys? What do you think? Ladies, have you had a good experience after sending a thank-you email?

xxx
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 69
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/31/2019 9:43:55 PM

I do think men I date will appreciate a follow up thank you call- as do I. Removes a great deal of pressure and in such no posturing..


Your original post didn't say anything about a follow-up call, e-mail or text. I assumed you meant thanking the person at the end of the date, while still face-to-face. I think that should be sufficient if it's done sincerely.

The only time I've ever sent a follow-up email to a man was when I wanted to express that while I appreciated his kindness, I didn't think we were a match, and I wanted to wish him well in his search.
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/1/2019 4:00:36 AM

I recently went on a pretty great first date, but I worried that I unintentionally sent a bit of mixed signal at the end of the night. By the next evening--when I had not received a follow-up text from the dude who'd taken me out--I fretted, and asked my friend Harry Berkeley if I should send good-date guy a little note saying Thanks for such a nice time, or some such. Emphatically, Harry said "No! Let him do the work."

Yesterday, I found some evidence that Harry's advice was on the money. For her new book Have Him At Hello, Professional matchmaker Rachel Greenwald interviewed 1,000 single guys to find out what turns "marriage-minded" men on--and off. As she notes in a post she did for Huff-Po, she talked to guys who went out with her clients but DIDN'T call back after a date and also talked to happily hitched guys; she needled all of them, asking for detailed feedback about why they thought some women had immediate potential, and others didn't. In her post, she describes the three lessons she found most surprising. Let me summarize them for you.

(I'll give you the most interesting finding last, and the least interesting first.)

1. NEVER SAY NEVER

Greenwald found that men tend to write off women who say things like "I'll never move out of Brooklyn--I love it here!" Or "Not in a million years would I give up working full-time!" It seems that men like women who come across as flexible, and that those who say "never this" or "never that" seem too difficult and unyielding. So Greenwald advises you hold on to your opinions ... but never say never out loud when a date is asking you about your plans for the future. (Unless you're saying "You never know.")

2. NEVER FAIL TO

OFFER

TO PAY

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW



Greenwald also learned that 84% of marriage-minded men expect to pay the bill on a first date--but that they don't like it when a woman takes their generosity as a given. Men appreciate the gesture when women offer to contribute to the bill--although if they're into you, they won't let you (though they might let you pay for the post-prandial drink). She notes, "If he allows you to split the bill, you probably won't be hearing from him again (or if he does call back, it's doubtful he's interested in anything serious.") I think she's right ... when it comes to men who are serious about getting married. (But maybe we can get a little deeper into the question of the paying stuff tomorrow, or later this week.)

A side note: I personally rarely say never--because as much as I love Brooklyn, and am fairly certain there is no other city I'd like better, I'd be willing to move to L.A. if I found a nice screenwriter, or to consider Ann Arbor if I found a nice English professor, or to try Scandinavia, even, if I discovered a sexy sculptor who resided there. And I usually offer to pay, because that feels polite. As such, the lesson that I found most helpful was Greenwald's third:

3. NEVER SEND A "THANK YOU" EMAIL (OR TEXT) AFTER A DATE

Here's why, according to Greenwald: "Men told me that while they appreciate the 'thank-you-email,' it ultimately causes them to lose interest in a woman, because men like the chase." And when they get a gracious message the next day, instead of making them think you have great manners,[u] it makes them think you're a little desperate.[/u] "Even if he enjoyed your date, the thank-you-email is more deflating than endearing (on average) because, if he liked you too, he'd want to contact you first to pursue you," she says. "The fix? Thank him graciously at the end of the date, but don't steal his thunder the next day." She says if you don't hear from him at all, that simply means he's just not that into you.

I hate to say it, because I like to think we woman should be able to do whatever the hell we want to do ... but I think Greenwald's right.

Girls? Boys? What do you think? Ladies, have you had a good experience after sending a thank-you email?

xxx

Sounds about right to me. Especially #3. Most men are NOT stupid. Being gracious on the date is enough. Not only is it overkill, you begin to look desperate for another date. Perhaps that is where that pressure some speak of comes from?

I would add #4 If the guy pulls out his wallet to pay, DON'T under any circumstances, start screaming in the middle of the restaurant, at your date. Letting everyone else present think YOU think he is treating you like a penny stock commodity, is certainly NOT the way to get him to ask you out again. All the THANK YOUS in the world are probably not going to get you another date with him after that!
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 71
view profile
History
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/1/2019 4:44:15 AM
LIR Yes went for a walk Yesterday, about a mile and if there had not been so many alarming media warnings i would have gone farther lol. but got a panicky feeling and convinced myself my alveoli and bronchi were freezing and the mental panic was my drowning in my own blood!!! LOL even at the time I knew it was crazy i am fine...
I guess it was not clear in my first post- i could see many were not getting that idea of a follow up call- however, knew specifying such would change our perceptions. and as we can see there was -and i do not care what "another dating advice column" tells us to do!!- so no the pressure is not imagined- and if we go on free meals and never bother to call or e-mail a "thank you"- of course we feel no pressure- but if we initiate date, pay, and do the follow up call and that is the standard expectation- pressure is much differently allocated. But god forbid we "posture" "look" desperate- whatever! I prefer humans... Thanks!! So if i need to pose as ingracious to capture a heart I don';t want that heart>
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/1/2019 5:18:24 AM

So if i need to pose as ingracious to capture a heart I don';t want that heart>

Ummm.this is the part you don't seem to be getting thru your thick skull...… Being gracious on the date for most people is enough. If you think a follow up email is warranted, go ahead and follow up. BUT, who are you to judge the way any one else chooses to handle their dating life. If two consenting adults decide they would like to spend some time together and the male decides he would like to pay for dinner, who are YOU to pass judgements on them. If that's not your preferred style of dating, DON'T date that way. Just cool it with your petty judgements Your dating preferences make you NO more superior or adult to anyone else that happens to have different dating preferences. This will really make your skin crawl.... I have two dates this weekend. The gentleman will be paying for dinner and movies or club on both dates. That is how WE choose to conduct our dating lives. I will be gracious on these dates, have dated both these men before. They asked me out again, I didn't feel any pressure after either date. MY dating life works for me and for those I date.


BTW, I have my own money. I donate to charity on a monthly basis more than most make in a year. So don't YOU dare ever insinuate I'm a GOLDDIGGER again, you nasty piece of garbage!. I prefer my money in bills, that coin just gets too heavy although it does jingle>
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 73
view profile
History
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/1/2019 5:46:02 AM
So if i need to pose as ingracious to capture a heart I don';t want that heart>

WHO DAMAGED YOU AND INSINUATED YOU WERE A GOLD DIGGER

THANK YOU^^ BIG SMILE_ LOVELY CONVERSATION_NOTHER TIME THE MEAL WAS WONDERFUL
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 74
view profile
History
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/1/2019 6:26:17 AM

i need to pose as ingracious to capture a heart I don';t want that heart


good because it takes 2 to tango ;0D

OR

we choose, but we also must be chosen...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OP, why did u even START this thread? To get validation for chasing down men? Just to get ppl to agree w/ u ?

Why did u omit (in ur initial post) the calling after saying thanks face to face?

Your posts sound very jumbled/chaotic, do u have a DSM-V disorder?
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 75
view profile
History
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/1/2019 6:30:22 AM

Your original post didn't say anything about a follow-up call, e-mail or text. I assumed you meant thanking the person at the end of the date, while still face-to-face. I think that should be sufficient if it's done sincerely.

The only time I've ever sent a follow-up email to a man was when I wanted to express that while I appreciated his kindness, I didn't think we were a match, and I wanted to wish him well in his search.
>>>THIS

+100
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Dating Etiquette of 21 century "ADULTS"