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 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 76
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Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTSPage 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

I donate to charity on a monthly basis more then most make in a year


^^^ I couldn't let this go without further recognizing its thoughtfulness & incredible value. I wish to express a thank you, from EVERY single person in this entire world, who is down on their luck and could use a helping hand .

... Thank You SWS ( you sweetheart you ) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...

heart / sun
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 77
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/1/2019 9:40:30 AM

I guess it was not clear in my first post- i could see many were not getting that idea of a follow up call- however, knew specifying such would change our perceptions.


You're right about it changing some of our perceptions. I have my own reasons why I didn’t do follow-up calls, texts or emails with men I was newly dating. I think a “thank you” is most sincere when it’s done face-to-face so that two people can read each other’s expressions and body language.

Secondly, I think sending out a follow-up text or email to thank a man sounds impersonal, as if it were an afterthought and done out of a sense of obligation – not unlike thanking someone for a birthday card. Thanking him to his face seems more warm and personal.

Lastly, if a man insists on paying, he’s probably more comfortable in the traditional gender role of man being the pursuer. Most of the men in my age bracket are this way. I feel that a man with a traditional dating style might perceive a woman as being too forward if she calls him after the initial date – plus, if he doesn’t want to see her again, it could make him feel awkward.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 78
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Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/1/2019 9:58:29 AM
I guess it was not clear in my first post- i could see many were not getting that idea of a follow up call- however, knew specifying such would change our perceptions.



You're right about it changing some of our perceptions. I have my own reasons why I didn’t do follow-up calls, texts or emails with men I was newly dating. I think a “thank you” is most sincere when it’s done face-to-face so that two people can read each other’s expressions and body language.
I saw nothing about follow up call, my perception was she took for granted the mans efforts. 'if' the date went well and we hit it off, surely one of us would be contacting the other soon enough. if there was no connection, receiving a follow up call has little value/effect. typically if I ask someone to dinner, I pay (date, friend or anyone). if you asked me to dinner, I would assume your paying but would offer to pay anyway. regardless how well the date went, I would still thank you but don't expect a follow up call unless I wanted to see you again.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 79
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Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/1/2019 11:19:53 AM
This thread is so believable.
Adults talking about courtesies and manners, etc.
And other made up things.



 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 80
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Posted: 2/1/2019 11:50:10 AM
maybe we should all just stay home and order pizza? if expecting or defending lack of courtesies is that big a concern, I will just stay home.
 PieAlaMojo
Joined: 4/30/2018
Msg: 81
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Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/1/2019 12:35:31 PM
Will you be thanking the pizza delivery guy?
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/1/2019 12:45:07 PM

Will you be thanking the pizza delivery guy?

or will giving him a huge tip be thanks enough? or would that make him feel like penny stock.? So many questions, I think steak is the answer, well done, of course.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 83
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Posted: 2/1/2019 12:45:31 PM
yes, and he will get a tip too!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 84
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Posted: 2/1/2019 2:01:47 PM

Today, my husband & I went out to lunch, he paid but I left the tip.
Neither of us said "thank you" to each other.

Did he call you up, asking if you wanted to go out? Wondering if he was date-worthy in your eyes? Thinking that if the "date" went well, he could get some stinky-pinky in the back of his truck? Of course not! :) The reason it's even more than apples & oranges is because not only are you established as an LTR -- on top of that, you both share the wealth anyway (for better or worse).

Okay, say not married -- but living together, LTR. Almost the same thing if you're not fighting over the concept or anything. You've established a routine, a symbiosis, a habit, etc -- that's not what This whole thing's about. At all.

It's about going out on a date with someone, and expecting "guy has to pay" -- holding onto nostalgia (which is for nostrils), despite the world being Very Very different nowadays in the working/finances world. Taking that for granted on the first sets of dates -- or when you Are Dating, Not taking things For Granted when one's on the receiving end of the stick. But, once you Do establish yourselves as a live-in couple, or obviously married -- you basically mesh lives at that point anyway, so it's more about do they take ME for granted or am I taking THEM for granted -- not the date-pay thing.

But like I always say -- one doesn't need to spell out "Thank You" exactly. An expression of gratitude and recognition in any way is good enough. Actually way better than some robotic "thank you" expression, if that's one's schtick. Some people have the mentality that "the man's SUPPOSED to" -- as if he owed her money or something, lol.
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 85
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Posted: 2/1/2019 2:31:17 PM
^^Thank you Norwegian!, no not planning on robotic that comes after a few yrs of being taken for granted_LOL It Just seems to me sitting being nice and looking pretty-and then waiting for the follow up call- is not being assertive or honest about interest- if it isn't a click of course not- and i always thank anyone even if it is a coffee directly afterwards: (i do not duke it out over the bill-in situations where it was not made clear prior to the date) I did announce right off if the date went well! And how awkward is it as a woman not interested fielding dodging calls two months after the date? It is no wonder some men misread signals- they are trained to believe even if a woman never calls- she might be interested. And seems an immediate follow up call by the women if it went poorly would be important.. Most women do not need a second or third ignored call to get the hint.
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 86
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Posted: 2/1/2019 4:00:08 PM
was the pizza good? lol
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 87
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/1/2019 4:14:41 PM

It Just seems to me sitting being nice and looking pretty-and then waiting for the follow up call- is not being assertive or honest about interest- if it isn't a click of course not- and i always thank anyone even if it is a coffee directly afterwards: (i do not duke it out over the bill-in situations where it was not made clear prior to the date) I did announce right off if the date went well! And how awkward is it as a woman not interested fielding dodging calls two months after the date?


I showed my interest during the date. After graciously thanking the man at the conclusion and letting him know that I enjoyed myself, I felt that a follow-up call was redundant. And I've never once experienced a man continuing to call me two months after a lackluster date. All the men I've dated have been adept at picking up on my interest, or lack thereof.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 88
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Posted: 2/1/2019 4:27:56 PM

was the pizza good? lol
son brought me burger king. kinda wishing he didn't but thanked him anyways. was away a few days so happy to spend my Friday night home beside the fireplace.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 89
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Posted: 2/1/2019 5:05:16 PM
Praise for Friday nights after long work-weeks. Especially for Friday nights with pizza or something equally tasty.

I am in the thank you camp, despite gracious actions and being pleasant company. But my spouse and I always thanked each other for things during our time together, and continued to do so after our marriage. Mind you, I also occasionally say sorry to inanimate objects I bump into so what do I know?
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 90
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Posted: 2/2/2019 7:05:13 AM
👍😜 stuff moves on its own!!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 91
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Posted: 2/2/2019 1:29:39 PM

It Just seems to me sitting being nice and looking pretty-and then waiting for the follow up call- is not being assertive or honest about interest

It goes both ways, of course. Kick off already happened -- the "game's under way". At that point, both parties are equally responsible to at least give a shout out to another (text), to keep the ball rolling; if there's interest. That said, some wait a couple days as to not come on too strong if it wasn't "sparks flying".

i always thank anyone even if it is a coffee directly afterwards

We should thank folks on the same level we'd thank our friends doing the same thing, when it comes to a bill -- big or small. If a close friend Always picks up the coffee, the beer, or what-have-you, yeah, we won't be thanking them every single time; no real "need" to every single time when something becomes an established routine. But when out with a friend once in a good while, say, who makes good money, and is picking up a tab on something -- yeah, you express thanks/appreciation in some way. Common sense.

It's when people (namely ladies) don't look at it the same way, when going out on a date with someone 'new' (even if it's low-key and hardly a date) -- that criticism of their worldview is warranted. I guess that's what forums are for. It brings up stuff we don't normally think about so much.

I did announce right off if the date went well! And how awkward is it as a woman not interested fielding dodging calls two months after the date?

Wait, you say the date went well to him -- but his calls you had to "dodge"? :)

It is no wonder some men misread signals- they are trained to believe even if a woman never calls- she might be interested.

Because it goes with a certain thing too many ladies go by: The guy is supposed to text/call -- not the lady (until they start to become an item). It's baby-games. But the guy, when he likes the gal, may think that's how she rolls. Even some girls are like "Well, if he Really likes me, which many guys don't Really do so much -- if I miss a text or a missed call, he'll do it again. I'm juggling my options; I deserve to. He's gotta win me over." So said guy hearing stuff like that once in a while + hearing stuff somewhat close to that a good amount -- he'll try again, and then the 3rd time think "Well, what do I got to lose? They want to play these games anyway..."
 forumfairy
Joined: 3/20/2018
Msg: 92
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Posted: 2/2/2019 3:09:06 PM

Thinking that if the "date" went well, he could get some stinky-pinky in the back of his truck?

Is this type of vulgarity really necessary here, with ladies present. My mother isn't here , someone's else's is though.


It's about going out on a date with someone, and expecting "guy has to pay" -- holding onto nostalgia (which is for nostrils), despite the world being Very Very different nowadays in the working/finances world

I will strongly disagree with you here. I don't think paying for a date makes me nostalgic. I can assure you I'm not a nostril. I have no issue with treating my dates or even them having the expectation that I'm going to pay. I'm not intimidated by women having their own expectations, We all have them. Despite what you say, none of the men I know have ever, or would ever, expect to take a lady out and not pay. To say this standard is outdated is being disingenuous on your part. It doesn't matter if things are different these days in the working or financial world. Working has no relation to the dating world. Dating is about romance, spending time with someone, making them feel special, hopefully developing it into something more. If that requires some money, so be it. I can always make more money. I consider it money well spent and because this is my choice, I certainly never feel taken for granted, even when things don't work out. I agree with a previous poster,, why not date people who share your dating views. We don't get to decide the right way for others to date.


Some people have the mentality that "the man's SUPPOSED to" -- as if he owed her money or something, lol.

I've never ran into this type of lady but if they do exist, I don't understand your consternation with this. I'm confident you aren't being forced to date them. I've no issue whatsoever with a lady expecting I will pay for dinner, because I am.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 93
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/2/2019 3:19:00 PM


I did announce right off if the date went well! And how awkward is it as a woman not interested fielding dodging calls two months after the date?


Wait, you say the date went well to him -- but his calls you had to "dodge"? :)


I think she meant if a woman was not interested in the man (insert comma) fielding dodging calls two months after the date would be awkward.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 94
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/2/2019 4:15:30 PM

I have no issue with treating my dates or even them having the expectation that I'm going to pay. I'm not intimidated by women having their own expectations, We all have them.


Just because we all have expectations, it doesn’t mean they are always reasonable. Some men might have the expectation that they will get sex from the woman if they pay for dinner. That doesn’t make their expectations okay just because they have them.



Some people have the mentality that "the man's SUPPOSED to" -- as if he owed her money or something, lol.


I've never ran into this type of lady but if they do exist, I don't understand your consternation with this. I'm confident you aren't being forced to date them. I've no issue whatsoever with a lady expecting I will pay for dinner, because I am.


You say that you have no issue with a lady expecting you to pay for dinner, yet you say you’ve never run into “this type of lady”. What type of lady do you mean? And more to the point, how do you know you wouldn’t have an issue with her if you’ve never run into "this type of lady"?
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 95
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Posted: 2/2/2019 8:55:08 PM

stinky pinky


... ^^^ Something a pervert or over - sexed crude 12 year old might say ^^^ I agree 100 % FF, it is an affront to anyone that respects women, including themselves. I was thinking exactly the same , thank you for pointing it out brother !!!

... heart / sun
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 96
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Posted: 2/2/2019 11:05:36 PM
Have a peculiar question. Looked but couldn't find a post on this particular subject:

As I get older women (over 60) seem to come away with the idea that once a date happens and a second was discussed it seems a long term relationship has automatically started. Perhaps it's how I come across. I try to show interest and I enjoy conversation.

At this point in life I'm not particularly interested in marriage but having an ongoing relationship with a woman would be nice. I'd state in my profile I'm not interested in marriage but wonder if most women will be turned off and assume I'm one who is only looking for sex which is not the case.
 ontheotherhand
Joined: 6/24/2018
Msg: 97
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Posted: 2/3/2019 12:58:10 AM
Back to the thank you issue. I find this an interesting article.

Christie Hartman, PhD.
http://christiehartman.com/should-i-send-a-thank-you-text-after-a-date/


Dear Christie,

I just finished reading “It’s Not Him, It’s YOU” and I learned a lot. Thanks! But I have a question that I can’t seem to get a straight answer on from people. I met this guy online and we had a really good first date. So, the next day I texted him to say thanks and that I had a great time. That’s all I said, nothing else. He didn’t respond and I never heard from him again. I don’t get it! Should I have not texted him? Did I scare him away? Are good manners just not necessary anymore?

Thanks,

Karly

Dear Karly,

First of all, thanks for reading the book and I’m glad you found it helpful. Yes, the after-date text question! Should you or shouldn’t you? This topic has come up before, and it is amazing how heated a debate can get over a two-line text message! Some experts will tell you to never send an after-date text to a man because it telegraphs too much interest and because men “want a chase.” Then, some women (and men!) hotly contest this advice – women naturally feel like it’s the polite thing to do, and men (naturally) want to feel appreciated for taking a woman out. What’s wrong with showing appreciation, they ask??

Nothing! In fact, if you don’t show appreciation to a man when he takes you out, you probably won’t get a second date. However, the best way to show appreciation (and make a man feel great) is do so during the date. Comment on how much you like the restaurant/food/picnic. Thank him if he pays for your lunch/dinner/coffee. Thank him at the end of the date. That is all the thanks he needs. Anything beyond that is overkill. The thing is, too much gratitude makes the giver uncomfortable. If a guy gets uncomfortable, you won’t hear from him.

Women who were brought up in the South, or just brought up to be polite, were taught to give thank-you gifts or notes. Some of these women learned the hard way that while that works great with women, friends, and even job interviews, it backfires with men. Men don’t know how to respond to “thank you” notes or flowers and it makes them uncomfortable. A thank-you text is the 21st century equivalent to a thank-you note. You may simply want to show appreciation, but it comes off as overly interested or even like you’re chasing him or saying “I like you and hope you feel the same.” Remember: when you’re just getting to know a guy, less is more.

My colleague Rachel Greenwald interviewed 1000 men for her latest book, “Have Him at Hello.” This book talks about why men don’t call after a date or two. There were a number of men who admitted that the thank-you text made them uncomfortable. A thank-you text may not scare off all guys, but why take a chance?

Yes, Karly, it’s possible the thank-you text influenced your date’s decision to not call you. But it’s also possible that you just weren’t his type, and that happens. Online dating means going on many first dates that go nowhere. Keep trying, thank a guy during the date only, and you’ll eventually meet one who’s right for you!

Sincerely,

Christie
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 98
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Posted: 2/3/2019 2:34:35 AM
The he/she is just not into you thing is absolutely far too common because it's akin to ghosting. I recently had a dating experience where I went on a few dates with one person (not a POF contact) but *I* felt really uncomfortable after about four in-person encounters so I politely called it off with a phone call. I could have just ignored the woman but I felt that's just nasty and rude and everyone wants some sort of 'closure'.

Why did I call it off? Because I became scared/frightened of sex - pure and simple. I felt I just couldn't 'satisfy' her if it went to that level. So thought it best to be honest and stop the gig before it got to that point.

I'd offered to pay for each meal/outing and we ended up doing the bill-splitting thing (I hate the term 'going dutch') each time.
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/3/2019 5:08:01 AM

Very Very different nowadays in the working/finances world.

Coming from a guy who often objectifies women by putting them on a number scale. I have to say, this sudden attempt at trying to make your point by pulling the old equal rights card, is laughable, at best. I guess it comes in handy when it suits your agenda, eh?


Something a pervert or over - sexed crude 12 year old might say ^^^ I agree 100 % FF, it is an affront to anyone that respects women, including themselves. I was thinking exactly the same

Couldn't agree more boys.! There still is some keepers here on POF.



At this point in life I'm not particularly interested in marriage but having an ongoing relationship with a woman would be nice. I'd state in my profile I'm not interested in marriage but wonder if most women will be turned off and assume I'm one who is only looking for sex which is not the case.

I think your best bet is just to be honest. You might turn away some women, they probably aren't the women you want to reach anyway. I know there are women who look for the same kind of relationship as you do.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 100
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/3/2019 9:13:11 AM

Back to the thank you issue. I find this an interesting article.


That was a good article. Thanks for posting it. I agree with the author.


At this point in life I'm not particularly interested in marriage but having an ongoing relationship with a woman would be nice. I'd state in my profile I'm not interested in marriage but wonder if most women will be turned off and assume I'm one who is only looking for sex which is not the case.


You say that you're not particularly interested in marriage at this point in life, but that might be because you haven't met the right woman. If you met a woman and fell madly in love with her, and wanted her all for yourself, things could change.

Unless you're 100% adamant about not getting married, I don't see any point in putting it in there.
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