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 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 176
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Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTSPage 8 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

It later came out that what the OP was actually asking was if it were prudent to make a follow-up thank you call after the date had ended. Opinions varied. This was what caused most of the confusion.


Thank you for your effort to help, but if you go back to the original post, I think you might be as confused as I continue to be....or....I am just plain stupid.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 177
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Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/12/2019 9:50:45 PM
Women are conditioned to be social animals. Men are (largely) not.

It's interesting to see reference to 'social training' as I don't know where anyone gets that. It's not like there are 'life milestone bootcamps' that involved 'romance/relationship/intimacy training' modules. ;-)

TBH when I went to school (1975 to 1986) there was no such thing as sex education. I was 18 in 1986. I didn't have any sort of actually relationship until at least 10 years later and have only ever had two LTR's. I'm 50 now. But we're all different. No two people have the same life experience and that means no two people have the same sexual/relationship experience, or the same type of belief in friendship circles and the like.
 GodlessGal
Joined: 10/19/2018
Msg: 178
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Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/12/2019 10:06:18 PM

 well if I owe you a cheeseburger for sex, I will just pass.


If a guy is too cheap to lay out five bucks for a burger when trying to get in your pants, he certainly won't have 500 in the event the condom breaks and an abortion is needed. It's a good thing you pass, and she pass too, frankly.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 179
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Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/12/2019 10:35:38 PM

You just took it too far.


Okay. Sorry. I'll edit it down to the main point...
Sorry not sorry that you keep meeting arrogant d-bags, but your ARE ignoring a lot of ordinary Joes
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 180
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/12/2019 10:51:01 PM
your not going to meet prince charming while selling your azz for cheeseburgers. he would buy you the quarter pounder without mention of sex. he would also expect sex to be mutual, no charge.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 181
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/13/2019 1:25:38 AM
SurelyIamShirley writes:

Thank you for your effort to help, but if you go back to the original post, I think you might be as confused as I continue to be....or....I am just plain stupid.


You’re not stupid. It helped to break down the post:


-if a date proceeds pleasantly and dutch treat is not chosen-the person who incurred the cost of the date- just as when receiving a present: is it prudent to ignore the "gender role" game and reach out to thank the party who incurred the expense?


Yes, the person should be thanked.


Barring this one may be perceived: 1)disinterested, 2) inconsiderate 3) immature 4) trapped in "boy/girl game...


Yes, if one doesn’t thank the person, one may be perceived by the person as any or all of those things.


In choosing dutch treat it could remove many of such outdated ideas. yet is often very difficult to overcome and challenge the social- culture gender programming found in "over 45" dating.


Agree.

GodlessGal writes:

If a guy is too cheap to lay out five bucks for a burger when trying to get in your pants, he certainly won't have 500 in the event the condom breaks and an abortion is needed.


With all due respect, this is the Over 45 Forum. Most of the women posting are past their child-bearing years. The OP herself is is her fifties. The pregnancy excuse isn't applicable here.
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/13/2019 4:40:33 AM

-if a date proceeds pleasantly and dutch treat is not chosen-the person who incurred the cost of the date- just as when receiving a present: is it prudent to ignore the "gender role" game and reach out to thank the party who incurred the expense?


With the OP using the wording "reach out" I assumed from the beginning she meant after the date. That would just be odd wording to use if you were talking about someone in the present tense. I admit, I'm confused most of the time this OP posts.



In choosing dutch treat it could remove many of such outdated ideas. yet is often very difficult to overcome and challenge the social- culture gender programming found in "over 45" dating


As soon as I read this I also assumed shades of a " who pays thread". Not everyone thinks it's an outdated idea, In fact, many don't. Those who don't choose to date in this way, don't need to, those who choose to, can. To say it's outdated and needs to be "overcome" is just a little extreme. That would be akin to saying all this dutch treat talk is a bunch of new age garbage that needs to be "overcome". I really don't understand why some people get so upset that some people choose to date differently than they do and then feel the need to force their views on everyone else. Comes across as awful closed minded for someone spouting "culture gender programming in over 45 dating".
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 183
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/13/2019 8:22:13 AM

With the OP using the wording "reach out" I assumed from the beginning she meant after the date. That would just be odd wording to use if you were talking about someone in the present tense. I admit, I'm confused most of the time this OP posts.


I didn't think "reach out to" made a reference to tense. According to the dictionary definition, it means "to communicate with". "To communicate with" can include both present tense and future tense.


I really don't understand why some people get so upset that some people choose to date differently than they do and then feel the need to force their views on everyone else. Comes across as awful closed minded for someone spouting "culture gender programming in over 45 dating".


I've found that this closed-mindedness occurs in both camps. More often than not, the camp that thinks the man should pay tends to belittle the camp that believes in going Dutch - often referring to the men as "cheap" and disparaging the women who contribute to the cost of dates.
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/13/2019 9:17:26 AM

I didn't think "reach out to" made a reference to tense. According to the dictionary definition, it means "to communicate with". "To communicate with" can include both present tense and future tense.

My post wasn't to get into a 3 page discussion of present past and future tense. I was just making the point, I assumed from the beginning she meant after the date. Others didn't. It in no way surprises me or is insinuating anyone not seeing this is in any way stupid. I don't think I'm the only one that has problems trying to decipher what the OP is trying to spit out.

I've found that this closed-mindedness occurs in both camps. More often than not, the camp that thinks the man should pay tends to belittle the camp that believes in going Dutch - often referring to the men as "cheap" and disparaging the women who contribute to the cost of dates


Quite honestly, both camps are equally vicious. Gold digger is thrown around equally with cheap men. To say one camp is worse than the other is not being objective. I try to worry about my own dating life, what others choose to do with theirs is not my business or concern. Who am I to tell anyone else what the proper way for them to date is or make assumptions that they way they choose to date is "new age" or "outdated". The only reason someone would do that is to either, be arrogant enough to think only their way is the right way, or to stir the pot.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 185
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Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/13/2019 11:36:03 AM
Asker: "Would you like to go out sometime?"
Answer 1: "Sure. What did you have in mind?"
Answer 2: "Maybe. / I dunno. What did you have in mind?"

Is answer One a legal contract? No. You are still NOT compelled to attend a date - especially when you have no idea what you are getting into. What you ARE doing, however -- is sending the message that you think spending time with them is a 'wanted' or positive activity.

Answer Two is not really an answer. It's a conditional negotiation. It says to the person asking -- that I only want to see you - IF you set the conditions correctly.

One word makes all the difference.

Sorry not sorry you can't figure that out. Or refuse to.
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 186
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Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/13/2019 3:07:28 PM

Quite honestly, both camps are equally vicious. Gold digger is thrown around equally with cheap men. To say one camp is worse than the other is not being objective. I try to worry about my own dating life, what others choose to do with theirs is not my business or concern. Who am I to tell anyone else what the proper way for them to date is or make assumptions that they way they choose to date is "new age" or "outdated". The only reason someone would do that is to either, be arrogant enough to think only their way is the right way, or to stir the pot.

More to it than arrogance or stirring the pot. People in both camps are just trying to save face and avoid feeling ashamed that they may be suckers. As said, both sides are vicious. Both sides have very effective ways to assail someone's self image that are pat, practiced and plausible. It's hard not to take a side when it is being discussed. In practice though, I suspect that most people are more flexible than the absolutist dogma they defend.
 GodlessGal
Joined: 10/19/2018
Msg: 187
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Posted: 2/13/2019 3:55:10 PM

  you keep meeting arrogant d-bags, but your ARE ignoring a lot of ordinary Joes 


I'm so glad a perfect stranger thinks he knows more about my personal dating life than myself. Thanks psychic Cleo! Will you be opening up your own $3.99 a minute with that crystal ball ya got there?
 GodlessGal
Joined: 10/19/2018
Msg: 188
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Posted: 2/13/2019 4:02:21 PM

your not going to meet prince charming while selling your azz for cheeseburgers. he would buy you the quarter pounder without mention of sex. he would also expect sex to be mutual, no charge


I dont lay down with men unless I know they are man enough to handle any consequences that results of such activity. Talk is cheap. Worth is proven through action. A man needs to earn my respect and trust to lay down with him. If he doesn't want to earn it, he can always go buy it from a diseased stranger down town Chicago and gamble with his health for all I care.
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 189
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/14/2019 7:37:19 PM

Gold digger is thrown around equally with cheap men


In this forum, a few years back, some one posted that some men are "flesh-diggers"- they want certain women for sex & will "pay" with dates, etc. or not LOL

The same way there is a perception some women use men to get things, so is there a perception that some men use women, for sex, & do not care to pursue a relationship.


If he doesn't want to earn it, he can always go buy it from a diseased stranger down town Chicago and gamble with his health for all I care.


Or some hussy from AFF or Ashley Madison !
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 190
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/14/2019 7:50:20 PM

Old men don't do texts. We use flip phones and don't bother with any feature on them but phone calls. We don't do call backs because we don't have to.

If an old, crippled guy with a piss poor profile can get messages then we are talking about plenty of desperate women out there. That, in and of itself, is no excuse to be rude. Desperate isn't always a bad thing. I don't consider it a moral failing and merely regard it as a temporary circumstance. That said, I don't respond to women's messages. They may be perfectly fine people but lately my mind is going in other directions. We are talking about lonely and desperate women here. To respond would invite conversation. A conversation that I can't finish. The risk is that if I do respond, I will eventually be forced into actual rudeness.

As to the who pays what stuff, just don't be brainless. If you want to eat, then cook. If you want to drink then bring a bottle or a twelve pack or mix a pitcher of Kool Aid for chrissakes! Keeping score on such matters is pretty silly.


One of the funniest things I have read in a long time!
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 191
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Posted: 2/14/2019 8:08:54 PM

In this forum, a few years back, some one posted that some men are "flesh-diggers"- they want certain women for sex & will "pay" with dates, etc. or not LOL

The same way there is a perception some women use men to get things, so is there a perception that some men use women, for sex, & do not care to pursue a relationship.


This sure sounds transactional. One is selling and one is buying. That's life...
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 192
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Posted: 2/15/2019 7:59:43 PM
What century is it? Using other humans i don't care for what- that is not an intimate relationship that is "fuc**ed up" As I said "social training"
If you are having sex for any other reason than "Hey i want to do this"- and taking all known precautions, to prevent the risks of "unwanted pregnancies" STDs," and accepting full "Ovum/Sperm"and "STD" Responsibilities of fornication (whatever the result) if indeed my shit fails- cool-otherwise tuck your "split/drag-tail" between your legs and go home! Stop Fornicating (I menstruated in december they thinned out to every 2-3 months just this year" so pregnancy is still a risk for me.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 193
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Posted: 2/15/2019 8:05:10 PM
^^^

And your point is?
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 194
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Posted: 2/16/2019 9:47:29 AM
^^is the point of your arrow head as you rise into the ozone..Blessings, namaste, shalom
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 195
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Posted: 2/17/2019 8:49:20 AM

I dont lay down with men unless I know they are man enough to handle any consequences that results of such activity. Talk is cheap. Worth is proven through action. A man needs to earn my respect and trust to lay down with him. If he doesn't want to earn it, he can always go buy it from a diseased stranger down town Chicago and gamble with his health for all I care.


Well....the "diseased stranger" from anywhere will be dressed a lot like you so yes. It's a pretty big gamble.
 GodlessGal
Joined: 10/19/2018
Msg: 196
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Posted: 2/17/2019 8:35:09 PM

Well....the "diseased stranger" from anywhere will be dressed a lot like you so yes. It's a pretty big gamble.


And you bring it into this thread, because thats the kind of crazy narcissistic b*tch you are. And you call ME a drama seeker? LOL
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 197
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Posted: 2/17/2019 10:55:15 PM

Arrogant and narcissistic men do that kind of thing. Control freaks.

In all honesty, I'm curious to find a (warped) post by any guy who accuse women of being arrogant for saying Yes when a guy asks to buy them dinner. I don't think that's ever been a debated topic. The closest thing I can see to that is if the gal says Yes when, cum to find out later, she was never interested in him in the first place -- which in that case, I can understand. Now, the whole "you owe something in physical return to me since I paid" thing, that is crazy. I think said (few) guys who think that want some sort of 'proof' that said gal has interest in him, or if she doesn't, well, he gets something out of it. It's self-centered thinking on woe-is-me, which both men & women can have on a variety of things when things don't go their way.

Men also don't suffer reputational stigma for having multiple partners

I used to think that, as it's repeated so often, thus you're less apt to question it. Guys have Less of a bad stigma for sleeping around VS women, but post-college I realized definitely is Not void by any means. There's plenty of guys who are going to have the Opposite of the desire to high-five you, and 50% of the population -- women -- are not going to high-five you when you say you've slept with a lot of women either. It is clearly negative for a guy -- but the level is less on a guy than it is on a woman.

Women are conditioned to be social animals. Men are (largely) not.

I disagree with that. We're all naturally social beings, men included.

TBH when I went to school (1975 to 1986) there was no such thing as sex education. I was 18 in 1986.

Maybe not at your school, but at my Elementary school (K-6) in the 80s, they had sex education. In the show The Wonder Years, taking place in the 70s, they had a funny episode of the main character in junior high being taught sex ed by the gym teacher -- and the gym teacher telling them NOT to read past page X -- which of course made every kid read past page X.

I really don't understand why some people get so upset that some people choose to date differently than they do and then feel the need to force their views on everyone else.

It's not merely choosing to date differently, tho. Like, going to coffee shops first before going out on some grand dinner date. Or at what point will they have a date at one or the other's place, etc. That's merely choosing to date differently, as in mere taste.

To say one camp is worse than the other is not being objective.

Well, one camp can be objectively worse than another, though. But then again, we tend to generalize 'camps', so in reality, it's more about one person's view VS another...

Who am I to tell anyone else what the proper way for them to date is or make assumptions that they way they choose to date is "new age" or "outdated".

Exactly. I had a gal try and tell me what the proper way to date a lady is. She had the gall to criticize me when I told her she is to pay the bill because we went to the place she liked. She also said calling her mother asking for her permission was uncalled for and way outdated as we were past that age. I tell ya, the criticisms I get with my ways! I wasn't criticizing hers -- so unfair! ;)
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 198
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Posted: 2/18/2019 11:47:12 AM

Well....the "diseased stranger" from anywhere will be dressed a lot like you so yes. It's a pretty big gamble.
And you bring it into this thread, because thats the kind of crazy narcissistic b*tch you are. And you call ME a drama seeker? LOL


YOU brought prostitution into this thread and you know what I think of your photos. No slur on you GG, just your pictures.
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 199
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Posted: 2/18/2019 2:30:01 PM
Where is Batman with the cheeseburger ?All just me rambling again -Carry on
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 200
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Posted: 2/19/2019 11:28:57 AM
when Jimmy Buffet wrote "Cheeseburger in Paradise", did he have this subject in mind?

"you're not going to meet prince charming while selling your azz for cheeseburgers. he would buy you the quarter pounder without mention of sex."

>>>while something might get pounded with no quarter, now i have to wonder...if a fellow shouldn't expect "dessert" in exchange for a meal, why does it matter how much he spent? can't two people have an intellectually-stimulating convo over a $1 menu meal?

when i went to school in the 1970's, we had sex ed. i remember a question box, and being told any question we were embarassed to ask, we could put in that box, and there'd be no laughing. so i asked, "what if we're too big to fit in?" which got the adult teachers to laugh, and i thought, "no fair, you weren't supposed to laugh!" as an adult, i think they were laughing b/c they thought it was funny a young child was worried about size.

to me, a gold digger is someone using their sexuality predominently to get financial gain. but anyone who is aware of their assets and the quality of partner they can win over with those assets, probably is being prudent, not a gold digger. they likely can have a stimulating dialogue over a Happy Meal...they just prefer to do it over tappas.
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