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 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 201
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Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTSPage 9 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

...to me, a gold digger is someone using their sexuality predominately to get financial gain.

The problem with that definition is that it can be easily twisted to mean a hooker/gigolo - someone who gets paid for sex.
The slang term for 'Gold Digger' nowadays seems to cover a bit more than that - although everyone has their own spin - basically meaning they refuse to settle for anything less than an 'upgraded' partner -- in whatever sense of the term 'upgraded' may mean for themselves.

Here's a word to add to your vocabulary:
Hypergamy - The act or practice of marrying a spouse of a higher caste or social status than themselves.
Probably more appropriate to what people are fishing for in a relationship in here. Marriage or not.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 202
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/19/2019 2:18:34 PM

The slang term for 'Gold Digger' nowadays seems to cover a bit more than that - although everyone has their own spin - basically meaning they refuse to settle for anything less than an 'upgraded' partner -- in whatever sense of the term 'upgraded' may mean for themselves.


Not exactly. "Upgraded" partner can also mean a partner who is higher up on the looks scale. A "gold-digger" is specifically seeking a partner with money.

Gold = money
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 203
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Posted: 2/19/2019 2:30:14 PM

Gold = money

Sorry - but that is narrow casting. Sticking to the strictest definition sounds like someone doesn't want to be identified as a gold digger simply because they don't need money. That's why I used the words 'Slang Term' because it's not really a true, specific definition anymore - people use it to identify a lot more than more income, or looks, or life accomplishments. What other term would encompass all that stuff? "Upgrade digging" sounds like an oxymoron.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 204
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Posted: 2/19/2019 2:36:27 PM

Hypergamy -


Hypergamy = A grandmother who can't sit still.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 205
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/19/2019 2:39:51 PM

What other term would encompass all that stuff? "Upgrade digging" sounds like an oxymoron


Can't think of one. "Trading up" or "surfing out of your league" is just as offensive as "gold-digger" to some people.


Hypergamy = A grandmother who can't sit still.


No, that would be "Hypergranny".
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 206
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Posted: 2/19/2019 3:32:31 PM
trading or upgrading-just don't fit for me anywhere in a partnership .however, trading is a bit more doable for me as "i trade or shift" singularity for "partnership" or a shared considered duality.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 207
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Posted: 2/19/2019 3:49:28 PM

Sorry - but that is narrow casting.

But I think gold-digger is more narrow casting, hence the term referring to something more specific.

Sticking to the strictest definition sounds like someone doesn't want to be identified as a gold digger simply because they don't need money.

Well, if they didn't need the money or need the Association with good money, they wouldn't Need to be pursuing said guy (or gal) with lots of money. That's what a gold-digger does. Or we may call them that even without Need, but strong gravitational pull where there'd need to be something unique about them otherwise (kinda like height).

That's why I used the words 'Slang Term' because it's not really a true, specific definition anymore - people use it to identify a lot more than more income, or looks, or life accomplishments.

I think people don't call a gal out as being a gold-digger because she'll go for cuter guys than herself. But I think well known life accomplishments or fame assumes money or potential money, and is the root where their desire is, sure. I think a gold-digger can say "Oh, he doesn't have to be super-rich; that's not the ONLY thing I'm into," but you can see a pattern of what else pulls them in which is many times associated with it. Sure.

But if he doesn't have at least good money -- it's going to be unsatisfactory for said gal. Just because a gold-digging gal is willing to 'settle' for a better looking more popular guy who makes nice money over a guy who makes a lot more but isn't popular or that great looking -- doesn't mean she isn't a gold-digger.

What makes a gold-digger is that there's a Requirement of him making more money than most guys standing next to him, and makes enough where she doesn't Have to work + she can go shopping. Kind of like height on the "picky" scale, as seen in the other thread (taller than most guys in the room; notably much taller than she).
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 208
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Posted: 2/20/2019 2:27:31 PM
i guess in one venue i am digging high and low for a gold that matches my precious gold... lol not talking anything material.
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 209
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Posted: 3/2/2019 8:05:51 PM
For me dating has not changed much since I was 16 or perhaps even 15. Chemistry makes it or breaks it. End of story.
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 210
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Posted: 3/4/2019 10:41:50 PM

A woman owes no man a damn thing for accepting HIS INVITE.


The true arrogant response by a feminist who thinks all men are created evil!
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 211
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Posted: 3/5/2019 3:48:18 AM

just a bit arrogant maybe? I guess no need for pleasantry when your so superior to them. what if the man did all those things that you did, isn't his 'mere presence' valued too?


He feels valued by my acceptance of HIS invitation to dinner. Additionally, I thank him, for his treating me to a pleasant evening.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 212
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Posted: 3/5/2019 3:50:33 AM

The true arrogant response by a feminist who thinks all men are created evil!


No, but there are men better than others.

If somebody offered a coffee meet to meet up. I'd decline and make myown, gourmet coffee or take myself out for coffee. There is no need for me to waste time on all-around cheapskates.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 213
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Posted: 3/5/2019 7:42:13 AM
Don't engage Ms. Flowers in any serious debate. Her posting history is full of declarative judgmental statements about everyone else... "You are..." "You have..." "You will..." and rhetorical questions that she answers herself. She has a strong feminist view of almost everything, but people like that that never concede any faults about themselves are miserably anchored in their own worlds, not in real society.
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 214
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Posted: 3/5/2019 8:13:03 AM
Makes me think of my uncle dating after his wife of 45 years died in the late 80's.

Off he went dating through newspaper classifieds, and every single woman would wait until they fleeced him for a expensive meal to say sorry, I just don't have that attraction. They knew from the start. This happened 4 or 5 times.

Money wasn't a big deal to him as he was an antiques dealer so of he went at 63 years old banging 20+ year old 10/10 escorts lol.

The attitude he ended up with was well if they're gonna take the piss out of me. I'll go with the ones that are honest about it :)

R.I.P Mr Jackhammer ;)
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 215
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Posted: 3/5/2019 11:07:21 AM

Off he went dating through newspaper classifieds, and every single woman would wait until they fleeced him for a expensive meal to say sorry, I just don't have that attraction. They knew from the start. This happened 4 or 5 times.

Money wasn't a big deal to him as he was an antiques dealer so of he went at 63 years old banging 20+ year old 10/10 escorts lol.

The attitude he ended up with was well if they're gonna take the piss out of me. I'll go with the ones that are honest about it :)


I don't get having dinner with someone you're not attracted to just for a free meal...but I hear it happens all the time.

At least your uncle knew what was up and enjoyed himself...I can respect that.

I see a lot of profiles of (older) men in here and it seems to me this is what they are looking for as well. Someone to go out
with that looks good, makes him feel young and only takes what he offers. Lots of men looking for "companions". Of course,
lots of women seem to be looking for companionship.

Myself, upon thinking on it, probably wouldn't mind a "companionship" sort of relationship. I'm not looking for money, I really
don't want to spend 24/7 with ANYBODY, and I still want to be able to do what I want to do without answering to anyone. But,
mostly I'm finding it difficult to find someone I like...forget about loving them. People letting their true colors show, saying what
they want no matter how inappropriate or politically incorrect. Now I know people think we've gotten too politically correct and
we just can't say what we want anymore because libbies are snowflakes and get all pissy, but frankly, it's never been okei to
use words that are derogatory...we just used to get away with it. I don't like most people.

Or maybe it's because I have a part time job in retail...I dunno.
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 216
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Posted: 3/5/2019 3:10:01 PM

I don't get having dinner with someone you're not attracted to just for a free meal...but I hear it happens all the time.


Not had it happen to myself, but then I don't go spending stupid ammounts on some lady I don't know. Pub meal isn't exactly breaking the bank like steak and chips & few drinks on 2nd date or bowling with a meal. I can say this much though, If a woman expects more than this before I fully know she isn't a piss taker. I'll just replace her. Not hard. How many billion women in the world lol?

Luckily, I've never had a woman take the piss like this as they like to contribute to the date, and not up their own arse thinking their all that special. They don't want to be seen in a negative light, and want to start of as equals. I've had a few ladies on dates get annoyed if I refuse said contribution even if I know they don't have much.


At least your uncle knew what was up and enjoyed himself...I can respect that.


I do and don't respect him. One thing I can say even 10 years after his divorce when my Aunt died. It destroyed him ;/ He wouldn't have looked at another woman if he thought they could be together again.


I see a lot of profiles of (older) men in here and it seems to me this is what they are looking for as well. Someone to go out with that looks good, makes him feel young and only takes what he offers. Lots of men looking for "companions". Of course, lots of women seem to be looking for companionship.


If everything is above board then no issue. It's when someone says one thing but really they're full of BS and that's the issue. To be fair I know someone that was in a relationship with a lady from this site for 10 months.

They got a sniff elsewhere and yeah did the piece of shit thing, slept with the other woman. Then went back on the to the woman he was seeing. Of course she didn't know. I'm a koont with this sort of thing so I slay them through conversation. I only know of 3 men that wouldn't do that except myself. The rest wouldn't think twice. It's a choice after all.


Myself, upon thinking on it, probably wouldn't mind a "companionship" sort of relationship. I'm not looking for money, I really don't want to spend 24/7 with ANYBODY, and I still want to be able to do what I want to do without answering to anyone. But, mostly I'm finding it difficult to find someone I like...forget about loving them.


It's hard work. I'd like the same kind of arrangement where I'm there for the significant other but can chill at own gaff. do my own thing. If they need to check up on me all the time then they wouldn't last long. I have no need to prove myself and will not entertain it. If they don't have trust then bye bye.


People letting their true colors show, saying whatthey want no matter how inappropriate or politically incorrect. Now I know people think we've gotten too politically correct andwe just can't say what we want anymore because libbies are snowflakes and get all pissy, but frankly, it's never been okei to use words that are derogatory...we just used to get away with it. I don't like most people.


Yeah, I was brought up with morals too. It's so easy for people online to have a different persona as they think they can get away with it. I've seen it offline too but usually the people have an ignorant standpoint and don't understand. At my old job their was a gay lad working with us and after a while a work colleague said something along the lines like nothing wrong with the guy. H e had listened to his bigoted father all his life.


Or maybe it's because I have a part time job in retail...I dunno.


That would drive me nuts retail. People are asshats in supermarkets. The joys of the ignorant at xmas.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 217
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Posted: 3/5/2019 3:48:50 PM

He feels valued by my acceptance of HIS invitation to dinner.

Which is the same as saying that he Should feel valued by your presence (as invitation is mere the Promise that you'll show). A guy should Not feel valued by the mere fact that a gal said Yes to going out to dinner. That's something you'd say in reference to an Ex who was trying to get you back, or something on that level. Talk about having one's nose in the air - lol.

If somebody offered a coffee meet to meet up. I'd decline and make myown, gourmet coffee or take myself out for coffee. There is no need for me to waste time on all-around cheapskates.

Wow, that's nuts. A guy or gal suggesting to meet up at a coffee shop as an opener does not in any way imply being a cheap skate. At all. One honestly thinking so sincerely needs a readjustment to how the social world truly flows. And to self-reflect + come to the realization of what it means to be the me-me-me person that sticks out in a crowd. Not only is it not good for dating in general, but it's not good for oneself (nor accurate).

I don't get having dinner with someone you're not attracted to just for a free meal...but I hear it happens all the time.

It happens. Some guys will falsely or very possibly falsely assume with little to go on. Gals will think they're not, because they enjoy the outing itself and wouldn't go out with Anyone they lack core attraction in -- falsely believing that = they're not doing it for a freebie. Those are actually the true cheap-skates, but the turn-the-tables effect convinces even themselves otherwise. Thankfully there's not many who do this as a routine.

Someone to go out with that looks good, makes him feel young and only takes what he offers.

To be fair though, his Uncle JackhamHer wasn't merely looking for the high-high-up gal out of his league or picky about what he wants, etc. I think his POV was different after gals weren't into him on 1st dates: He just wanted to cut-to-the-skirt-chase. Which, if he's paying, IMO, he's not doing any harm in and of itself. If anything, that'd calm him from frustration if/when genuinely hitting the dating scene, with that on the side.

Now I know people think we've gotten too politically correct and we just can't say what we want anymore because libbies are snowflakes and get all pissy, but frankly, it's never been okei to use words that are derogatory...we just used to get away with it.

I really don't think it's that, although you'll find that. One can convey how they're really feeling without utilizing rash words or even non-rash ones but are too politically-incorrect in today's world. I think the problem is -- they skirt around how they think/feel about things in general, as to not rock the (dating) boat -- or not liking to get into all that. People are just more (understandably) scared of talking about the wrong things, etc. But unfortunately it gets too scared where you can't read the person and let them be themselves. But some do.
 I_Am_Con_S_Tip_ated
Joined: 4/4/2018
Msg: 218
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 3/6/2019 6:57:15 PM

No, but there are men better than others.

If somebody offered a coffee meet to meet up. I'd decline and make myown, gourmet coffee or take myself out for coffee. There is no need for me to waste time on all-around cheapskates.


smart lady- I bet that weeds out the boys from the men...
 ontheotherhand
Joined: 6/24/2018
Msg: 219
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Posted: 3/6/2019 11:10:55 PM
flowersinthelake said:

Additionally, I thank him, for his treating me to a pleasant evening.


Welcome to the dark side.
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 220
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Posted: 3/7/2019 3:36:04 AM

smart lady- I bet that weeds out the boys from the men...


I’m pretty sure that if you have a penis, you’re a real man.
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 221
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Posted: 3/7/2019 7:38:22 AM

To be fair though, his Uncle JackhamHer wasn't merely looking for the high-high-up gal out of his league or picky about what he wants, etc. I think his POV was different after gals weren't into him on 1st dates: He just wanted to cut-to-the-skirt-chase. Which, if he's paying, IMO, he's not doing any harm in and of itself. If anything, that'd calm him from frustration if/when genuinely hitting the dating scene, with that on the side.


I'd agree the cut to the skirt chase was indeed because they weren't into him. But they could have left after the starter. He was initially after someone to love. I know instantly if I have that attraction physically.

I think it worked in his favour a 5ft 4 balding guy wining , dining, 69'n 5ft 10+ blonde bombshells that are British, Swedish, Finish etc and off the scale did him the world of good. Why have mutton dressed as lamb, when you can have lamb dressed as lamb :) He gets good sex they get to pay for an education and home without being in mass debt. win/win.

I think he knew that guy "Riley" they always talk about :)
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 222
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Posted: 3/7/2019 9:35:49 AM

Don't engage Ms. Flowers in any serious debate. Her posting history is full of declarative judgmental statements about everyone else... "You are..." "You have..." "You will..." and rhetorical questions that she answers herself. She has a strong feminist view of almost everything, but people like that that never concede any faults about themselves are miserably anchored in their own worlds, not in real society.


Most moderate, realistic feminists are all about equality. They would insist on paying for themselves.

If she believes she doesn’t owe a man anything because he payed for her, she’s wrong. Women who expect a man to pay for them owe it to the man to show up to a date looking their best. This includes paying for all her cosmetics, jewelry, manicures, perfume, hair salon appointments, and fashionable clothing. A woman who does all that might actually end up paying a lot more than the cost of one dinner. It would probably be cheaper for these women to tone down their beauty enhancements and just split the bill.
 Million_Reasons
Joined: 10/23/2018
Msg: 223
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Posted: 3/7/2019 5:51:19 PM
^Another example of....."this is why I am single".


How about....

Boy meets girl...they like each other...he pays cause he wants to show her how much he likes her. And then she pays for something else or does something nice back to show him she likes him. This goes back and forth for a while until they decide to be a couple and then they eventually ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.

How hard is that???

Why do you guys have to make everything so complicated? Lol!
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 224
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Posted: 3/7/2019 7:40:21 PM

This includes paying for all her cosmetics, jewelry, manicures, perfume, hair salon appointments, and fashionable clothing. A woman who does all that might actually end up paying a lot more than the cost of one dinner.


These are normal regular costs whether dating or not.
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 225
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Posted: 3/7/2019 8:07:33 PM

Another example of....."this is why I am single".


I never said I have a hard time getting a date.


Boy meets girl...they like each other...he pays cause he wants to show her how much he likes her. And then she pays for something else or does something nice back to show him she likes him. This goes back and forth for a while until they decide to be a couple and then they eventually ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.


There’s nothing wrong with that, but there’s also nothing wrong with “ girl meets boy ... they like each other ... she pays cause she wants to show him how much she likes him. And then he pays for something else or does something nice back to show her he likes her ...”

Why do some women over-simplify things by only seeing one possibility? Maybe they lack imagination.
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