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 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 51
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

Is it possible that you rushed into a relationship for the sake of sex? It seems once intimacy develops that people find they are suddenly in an LTR. The second date is far too soon to be exploring sexual compatibility with someone you don't even know. Get to know them first. Discover if you are compatible in all the ways that matter before you initiate a discussion on sex. Oh, I know that the norm is sex first and get to know each other later but maybe that is why relationships don't last. The couple never knew each other but jump in 'feet' first so to speak. lol

Personally I think sexual compatibility is like anything else.....look, listen, learn.....compromise.


Far from it. My ex was a Christian who didn’t believe in sex before marriage. I also couldn’t really have a conversation with her on the topic of sex because of how she was raised.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 52
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/24/2019 8:03:52 AM
^^^^The devote Catholic girls in Catholic school and Jewish girls in the Yeshiva are having more sex than those in public schools from what I have heard. Hate to say it but often those girls, like your ex, will finally do it with someone before marriage.
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 53
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/24/2019 8:09:01 AM
^^^ True. She gave hints that she might not have been a virgin before marriage.
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 54
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/24/2019 9:05:32 AM

My ex was a Christian who didn’t believe in sex before marriage. I also couldn’t really have a conversation with her on the topic of sex because of how she was raised.


And then you said that she had kind of hinted around that she may not have been a virgin before you.

And....she was possibly consumed by guilt and maybe her experience(s) was awful, and then you came along and didn't even push the subject when her virginity or lack thereof was hinted at. You made her feel very safe but IMO, the fact that you "couldn't really" discuss sex with her should have been an indicator and you may have bee too accomodating.

Again, is it possible you rushed the relationship for the sake of sex?
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 55
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/24/2019 10:06:41 AM
^^^ I waited until marriage a few months. A lot longer than most people wait. My ex had a traumatic childhood and then was married to an alcoholic who physically assaulted her and ended up in jail. I thought that I could help her and she would eventually get over her past trauma with counseling. It never happened. She kept going on about how her mother treated her when she grew up and how she was married to an alcoholic jackass. What’s the point of complaining about that? I never never did any of the things that her previous husband did. I tried to help her. Now I understand that some people need extensive therapy before they start dating. I can only do so much to help somebody. Now I’ll only date somebody who is emotionally stable.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 56
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/25/2019 1:30:28 PM

^^^ I waited until marriage a few months.

What do you mean by that? You only waited a few months to get married, or that you waited a few months while you were married, that you finally did pork her?

And why in the world would you get into an LTR, let alone Married, to a gal if you didn't even know if she was a virgin or not -- and wouldn't have sex with you, and had all those troubles? I'm assuming she was better looking than you could normally get in the dating scene? ;)
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 57
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/25/2019 2:22:18 PM
I waited a few months until marriage. That’s because I was raised in a strict Catholic household in which sex before marriage was taboo. I was 30 years old. My point is that waiting too long may cause somebody to get into a relationship too fast because they’re desperate. If I had lost my virginity younger, all this might not have happened. The bible was written in a time when everybody got married as soon as they were considered adults, so it’s hard for me to see how this can apply today.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 58
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/25/2019 3:00:05 PM

I waited a few months until marriage.

So you porked when engaged, a few months before you tied the knot? Again, I'm confused on the grammar. :)

That’s because I was raised in a strict Catholic household in which sex before marriage was taboo. I was 30 years old.

I can understand when you're not even a senior in college, given a strict household. I mean, I can imagine holding off until being in a solidified BF/GF relationship, doing everything but-have-intercourse when you've been going out for quite a while -- before "losing" your virginity to the GF, from a strict background.

But it's unnatural not to have sexual intercourse with someone you're With. To a certain extent I can understand the holdback when in junior high & early high school -- much the same as we don't want you driving a car, either. We don't want you screwing things up, especially when high on hormones. But man, to continue that past college age is mind-boggling Crazy. No difference between that line of thinking & being in some wacky cult. Yikes.
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 59
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/25/2019 4:46:29 PM
i read the post as it didn't happen till marriage. and that was a few months out, if he hadn't been desperate for sex; the outcome may have been different
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 60
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/25/2019 8:47:52 PM
^^^^^
That's how I read it and asked twice if he possible rushed the relationship/marriage for the sake of sex. I also read that she was married before to an abusive man and then the "not a virgin" hinting which then could only have been prior to the first marriage. So yes, it's a bit confusing. I'm not judging anyone for waiting until marriage but it seems that communication was an issue from the get go.
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 61
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/26/2019 11:57:14 AM
My point is, somebody tries to postpone sex until marriage. At 30 years old they still are single and haven’t met the right one. This causes desperation and the desire to get into a marriage too fast. That’s how waiting too long to have sex can actually have a detrimental effect.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 62
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/27/2019 2:36:30 PM

At 30 years old they still are single and haven’t met the right one. This causes desperation and the desire to get into a marriage too fast. That’s how waiting too long to have sex can actually have a detrimental effect.

Certainly. "Tradition" had it to marry early, because lifespan could much more easily cut short & breeding and making a family, raising them, Then dying was key. More people had sex outside marriage -- by a lot -- but was much more hush-hush like many other things.

Today we don't run into survival-mode -- but for practicality sake & love of tradition for the sake of identity and conditioning, yeah, get married early. Sally and Bobby are going to pull down their trousers at some point, so get married while the getting's good. We already held them back during their teen years, we can only ask of so much.

Traditionalists don't adapt well.
 Seamist474
Joined: 6/24/2018
Msg: 63
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/28/2019 1:51:04 PM
I'm pretty sure that no one waits until marriage to have sex, or very, very few do unless they are evangelicals or gave some oath to their god. I would say the average person, and probably everyone posting on here, was not a virgin when they got married.

It seems many think they are still a virgin even though they have partaken in oral sex or anal sex - that's how they keep their "virgin status" for Daddy and god. You can do all sorts of things without pen!s in vag!na, not very virginal IMO. And really, these threads are for the Over 45 crowd, not Sunday School for 14 year old kids.

This reminds me of the thread where the question was - how many partners is too many. Dumbest thread ever and who would ever ask that question and better yet, who would answer it? "How many partners have you had?" - well, you're one less idiot I'll have to worry about, bye Felicia.

Tradition? Just become a bad a habit. This gal was right to ask about the ED question, I would have too if I'd been dating some guy for two months and he hadn't made a move in the sexual department.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 64
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/28/2019 3:04:19 PM
msg#63:
This gal was right to ask about the ED question, I would have too if I'd been dating some guy for two months and he hadn't made a move in the sexual department.


Totally agree.
At my age, a week shy of 65, any guy I go out with is someone I hope to have sex with. Not too many years left to enjoy the physical aspect of the man/woman relationship.
So if I'm going to invest time, energy (physical and emotional) and effort (as well as $$ for a good time) I would hope the guy would be upfront about his physical difficulties regarding hard ons and the like.

Just sayin'
Definitely a 'need to know' scenario~
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 65
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/28/2019 3:34:39 PM

Just sayin'
Definitely a 'need to know' scenario~


Anything that could be an issue needs addressed.

I got chatting to a Woman last night that messaged me, and it come up that she didn't work and had bad health so I asked the question. What's wrong with it.

I didn't get a reply for 13 hrs then I got a reply stating she is Bipolar and Has MS. I addressed the situation there and then regarding sex as I know MS can be a right party pooper. She said she has no issues with it and enjoys it. I'm not waiting weeks to address that.

The next thing I did because she had head pics only was ask for a full body shot of her so she said I'll send it to your mobile. I know but I gave her my number. 2 mins later I messaged saying btw just so you know I have a tooth missing, and like a gamble on the national and boxing day knowing. she had on her profile that she didn't want a man that gambles. She didnt want a man that drinked either but can clearly see I do drink and she had social on her profile lmfao. Not heard from her :)

I find it highly amusing that she would expect me to endure her manic depresssive episodes mixed with her other health issues. But 2 bets a year and a missing tooth is a big deal Not surprised in the slightest

Anyhoo the fookin clown is toast and not heard a peep. If she messages again she'll get f'n told straight ;)
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 66
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/29/2019 1:39:47 AM

Totally agree.

I don't Quite. If it's Months, not days nor weeks -- both are just as responsible for conveying "moves". What, are we in the slow-motion version of Cocoon?? Wilfred Brimley would yelling at both of us! :)

At my age, a week shy of 65

Which isn't even the optimal age of SS, but fine, okay....

any guy I go out with is someone I hope to have sex with.

OMG - that is Awesome. :) I wish girls of 35 would think that, as opposed to whipping out the check-list...

Not too many years left to enjoy the physical aspect of the man/woman relationship.

Ummm, hate to break it to ya. You're going to live a lot longer than you think. Butt, he is a lucky guy. :)

So if I'm going to invest time, energy (physical and emotional)

Well, the latter, a date (or 3), how much Emotion are we talking? Butt true, physically, it's a (good) investment in the right direction...

and effort (as well as $$ for a good time)

Lol - Well, either you're paying the pool boy, or you live out in BFE which costs you gas money.... ;)

I would hope the guy would be upfront about his physical difficulties regarding hard ons

I agree but disagree. The guy should Resolve his issues, as Most Really Can. No, no, not to be 22 year old bucks -- not saying that. But almost all really can. They get greedy.

But when they hit a dead-end, I agree. If they explored all options, yes. It'll be easier for him, and her, the newbie. My criticism on him is that he (probably) believed that a gal should playcate his way, and he'll "figure it out" later. Instead, he should realize it's not 1995 anymore (lol) -- and get his undercarriage in line.

I'll shut up. :)
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 67
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/29/2019 8:10:02 AM
Honestly, I expect anyone I go out with is someone I might have sex with as well.
If that's not going to happen, I'd like to know ahead of time, just so I know what sort
of relationship I'm heading for and can decide if that's what I want.

The older men I've met have all brought up sex first...usually asking if I still enjoy it.
After that, it can go either way...as in well too bad I don't work anymore or yippee ki yay.
I've found a lot of older men, while they say they are still interested in sex, are really looking
for companionship, someone to do things with and someone to hug and snuggle and are not
opposed to doing whatever to make their partner feel good.

I think it's a complex sort of thing...older relationships. I'm not opposed to compromising
on somethings to get others, but I still think you need to know upfront.

Nobody wants to feel unattractive and unable to get their partner excited and thinking
it's totally their fault.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 68
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/29/2019 1:30:24 PM

Honestly, I expect anyone I go out with is someone I might have sex with as well.

Well, there is a sizable difference between hoping to have sex with a guy when you agree to a date, and expecting that you might have sex with them. I'd like a gal with the former mindset, myself. If a gal told me that she hopes to have sex with me, after agreeing to a date -- I'd just recommend having sex to work up an appetite for the 1st dinner date! ;)

If that's not going to happen, I'd like to know ahead of time

Ohh, I see where you're going with that... ;)

I've found a lot of older men, while they say they are still interested in sex, are really looking for companionship, someone to do things with and someone to hug and snuggle and are not opposed to doing whatever to make their partner feel good.

Interesting. Honestly, you'd know better than I. I could see a lot of older men (65+) not that into sex, as in a once-a-week thing... but it is a bit surprising to me that one would commonly come across a guy who wasn't interested in it at all, and just wanted a gal to lean on.

I'm not opposed to compromising on somethings to get others, but I still think you need to know upfront.

One of the problems with being up-front to someone you don't know -- is it likely carries (a lot) more negative weight than it has, in that other person's eyes. They're much more in the weeding process and are going to err on the side of no-issues, even if it's not in their best benefit. Hence, (even good) people exaggerating in their profiles.

That said, it shouldn't be held off for a long time. If it's really a non-issue but just an overblown taste issue -- I do believe one can/should hold X issue off for a good while, until they're starting to be a couple. And if a really big issue, utilize the 1st date to bring it up, but framing it in a way that will err on the positive side.

Nobody wants to feel unattractive and unable to get their partner excited and thinking
it's totally their fault.

I think that's the motivator for guys (including OP's guy) not to bring it up, and to hold off too long, and allow disaster to happen. The gal thinking, no matter what you tell them, that it's her fault -- and also seeing her frustration, etc. But like I say, for 95% of the guys -- it's a pill to pop to reasonably solve the problem when you're just dating and things are timed anyway. But when you start truly datING -- then I think he should bring it up, as he already demonstrated that he can tickle her Elmo just fine.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 69
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/29/2019 7:42:29 PM
Well geez Mr Norwegian. I can be subtle. It's not like I'll say please pass the rolls and can we have sex now?

I'd at least wait until after dessert.
Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/30/2019 1:11:29 AM

The devote Catholic girls in Catholic school and Jewish girls in the Yeshiva are having more sex than those in public schools from what I have heard. Hate to say it but often those girls, like your ex, will finally do it with someone before marriage.


I served many years in a Catholic penitentiary, I mean, school, and if the girls were having wild sex, they certainly didn't talk about it. HOWEVER, when everyone graduated, wow, they turned into total wildcats.

As for ED, anyone experiencing it needs to stay the f*ck away from shit like Viagra. Get some Vitamin C and garlic supplements. (make sure the garlic supplements have allicin in them)
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 71
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/30/2019 6:23:46 AM
^^Who would have thought people's ED caused by Vampires?

"Well geez Mr Norwegian. I can be subtle. It's not like I'll say please pass the rolls and can we have sex now?

I'd at least wait until after dessert.""
Wait..aren't you waiting to after they tip to make sure they hit 20%? 18% is a kiss on the cheek, 15% is sneaking out the rear exit.

You will have to forgive Mr Norwegian...SALLY gets around a lot.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 72
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/30/2019 11:36:11 AM
Good thinking! The size of the tip is directly related to how many times we do it!

 Iredurbio2
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 73
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 3/30/2019 9:31:00 PM
They say age is just a number.What they don't say is that is the number they assume you already have it.
Anyone hears that enough and you just count your blessings!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 74
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 4/1/2019 12:41:21 PM

It's not like I'll say please pass the rolls and can we have sex now?

Well, I wasn't implying having sex On a dinner table...

I'd at least wait until after dessert.

"Put the ice cream away, and grab some condoms. Mama needs a sausage treat to fully satisfy her appetite!"

Wait..aren't you waiting to after they tip to make sure they hit 20%? 18% is a kiss on the cheek, 15% is sneaking out the rear exit.

Hmm. Maybe I should tip 15% instead. Didn't know that gave a green light to rear-exit sex. Would have figured that'd be more like 25%. Learn something new every day! ;)

You will have to forgive Mr Norwegian...SALLY gets around a lot.

Yeah, this whole time I wasn't tipping 15%, and I missed out on Sally's rear exit!
 _Cinnamon__Girl_
Joined: 3/28/2016
Msg: 75
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Broke up over ED insecurity!?
Posted: 4/12/2019 6:26:48 AM
I seem to be surrounded by E.D.

Having been messaging on the site to two new guys this week. Both have volunteered that they have ED.
WTF??
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