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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing      Home login  
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 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 101
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problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishingPage 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

"I even came across one woman's profile where she claimed in the About Me that she didn't judge people on looks.
And then at the bottom, one of her mail restrictions was ...."Must have a picture".
So, you don't judge people on looks, but you have to see their looks before you will even talk to them?
Another SMH moment."


Wanting pictures doesn't necessarily have to do with wanting to know someone's looks. For the most part, a guy without a pic on his profile is seen as someone who is trying to hide his identity because he is already in a relationship. I used to reply to guys without pics if I liked their profiles but I had a few incidences pop up which made a profile photo mandatory before I talk to a guy. The first was this guy I talked to for a long time who gave me his pic via text. He told me where he lived and wanted to meet up for a date but not in his home town which I had suggested. I actually worked with a girl who was from his town and I showed her his pic and asked her if she knew him. She told me that was a guy who was in the class above her at school and that yes, he was married with twin 2-year-olds. The other incident was when I talked to a guy for a while and after asking for his photo a couple times he finally confessed to me that he knew me. He sent me his pic which I recognized and told me him and his wife were separated now. He told me he was really attracted to me and liked me. We had talked a lot at a potluck both of us had been at that his wife had invited me to. I said I had seen a pic of him just this morning on Facebook because his wife is my friend on Facebook and she'd posted a pic of him fishing with his sons. He tried to tell me they were just together for the sake of the kids but in an open relationship. I told him I had no interest in such a thing and blocked him. A week later I ran into his wife in Walmart and she invited me to a bbq she and her husband were having. I had to decline which felt awful because I had felt we had been becoming good friends again and lacking in the friends department, I accepted that once again I was going to be friendless.
problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/1/2019 1:42:21 PM

Too many times I've gone out and seen 99% of the people on the dance floor are all women.


Yes, they are always the vast majority, and clueless men still sit back and wonder why their nights going out "chick hunting" turn out to be failures. The answer is staring them right in the face.

Late last year, I was out at one of my regular spots and was working my way through the dance floor. After about 20 minutes, a nice looking brunette made her way over to me. She held her hand out and I grabbed it. We danced for maybe 3 songs, then I went to the bar to get a bottled water.

A guy who had apparently been watching us said "you lucky son of a b*tch, it must be the hair". I told him she probably would have never seen it if I hadn't been out on the dance floor. He replied "yeah, man.....I don't do dancing, though."

I just shook my head and walked away.
 bbbuyguy
Joined: 4/25/2019
Msg: 103
problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/1/2019 2:32:00 PM
I like to dance, but I'm not in the habit of going out routinely dancing. I did have a surge of desire for a few months last year, but the novelty wore off. At that age where loud music doesn't appeal to me because you would like to actually talk AND hear the person.

I'm more of an outdoors, hiking, kayaking kind of guy. Outdoor BBQ or Lake party kind of guy. Should I go out dancing, it's when I'm already on a date. :) It's fun (for me), but on occasion. Guess it's my age. Not much of a night clubber. lol I'll see a tribute band on occasion, but that's about it.
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 104
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problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/2/2019 4:53:43 AM
I've been out on my own stood at bar and got talking to Women on their own and ended up back at their place. Who needs to dance.

I didn't go on no dance floor and I have no problem busting out some shapes. It comes down to being confident and talking to people.
problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/2/2019 6:37:33 AM

I've been out on my own stood at bar and got talking to Women on their own and ended up back at their place. Who needs to dance.


For me personally, having body to body contact with someone before talking to them is rather fun.


. It comes down to being confident and talking to people.


Sure. Conversation is fine, but as I said, engaging in verbose debate along the lines of what you see here?? Kiss of death.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 106
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problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/2/2019 6:53:26 AM
The prudes won't agree but the more sexual /intimate(touching, etc) the meeting the BETTER it will go for you. In fact, the more sexual/intimate the conversation before the meeting will have better results if the "chemistry" is still there when meeting. Consider it foreplay.
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 107
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problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/2/2019 6:53:46 AM

Sure. Conversation is fine, but as I said, engaging in verbose debate along the lines of what you see here?? Kiss of death


Yeah, I could imagine talking about religion or politics. It would be a debbie downer for sure or even worse who's paying for the next drink.
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 108
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problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/2/2019 12:43:49 PM

For me personally, having body to body contact with someone before talking to them is rather fun.



I agree here, dancing is a sure good way of communicating with someone without having to say a word, and you cut straight to the more primeval side of their nature.
problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/3/2019 12:23:16 AM
Indeed. I think a lot of guys get spooked because they think they have to be the second coming of Michael Jackson or they'll look foolish, which couldn't be further from the truth.

Most danceable music in bars or clubs is in 4/4 time signature (as easy as it gets), and virtually anyone whose not physically disabled can get out there swaying back and forth. If that's not enough, they can learn some very basic step moves from a Youtube video in a matter of minutes.
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 3/1/2019
Msg: 110
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problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/3/2019 12:56:18 AM
Moonwalk now please!

I love dancing and have had some incredibly fun encounters on the dancefloor. Mostly with women.
A lot of guys have to have a tank full to get the nerve up to dance.
Then the dancing gets peculiar:)
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 111
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problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/3/2019 8:34:43 AM
Yeah, it sucks that most of the guys who go on the dance floor have to be super drunk first and that can be a super deflater of attraction if you yourself are not drunk yet. Guys worry that they have to be great dancers. Well, girls have similar worries. Also, a guy who you know isn't a dancer, who is still willing to do it for a girl, will get bonus points. Women worth their salt will admire the effort which most guys won't go to.
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 112
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problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/3/2019 9:20:57 AM
last night i caught the '80's band Autograph live (not bad energy for a Thursday night), so i will agree to a point about dancing. I'm average looking, dance with my knees rather than my hips, and yet 5 times in my life got pulled out onto a dance floor. of course, 4 of those times weren't for good reasons (one broad wanted to pick a fight with the lass i was there with, 3 times were married women who came to the wedding with an extra pair of left feet encased in lead) and the one time, she was a born again Christian freelance photographer taking pictures of the jazz band. only me :) but, as the song used to say, it beats holding up the wall like i was Poindexter. if you go to social gatherings wishing you were part of the action, then like Piggie says, youtube has videos. fake some confidence by turning your back on the crowd, don't stare at her bosom, and bust a move.

tho it helps to have rythym. otherwise you're just having a seizure out there.

i do have to agree, tho, an intelligent conversation is so rare its worth having. last week i was at an event that had rain, snow, and sleet (end of april, welcome to new england) and i forgot i was shivering b/c i was having a great philosophical convo with an 80 yr old woman about what's truly important in life. granted, it helped her son had just served 12 hr smoked brisket on a fresh kaiser bun still sprinkling corn meal, with a side of 'slaw and 'beans that hadn't seen the inside of a can...i have a lot of respect for people who can keep their shape, my love for good homemade food cannot be broken.

unfortunately, intelligence is only recognized by those with similar levels of intelligence. otherwise, smart people just come off as weird to those who aren't as gifted. check out an art exhibit if you don't agree :)
problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/3/2019 1:16:07 PM

last night i caught the '80's band Autograph live


hahaha. Coincidentally, they were the very first band I ever saw live. (with the original singer, Steve Plunket, though) I wasn't there to see them, though. They opened for Motley Crue and were booed through their entire performance. I eventually grew out of Motley Crue, though. They're just awful.
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 114
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problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/3/2019 1:50:25 PM
Dancing cannot be underestimated as it takes us back to our basics, maybe it's connected to the heartbeat all life begins with, the animal kingdom often do some kind of dance to attract a female so maybe there's something in it.


it sucks that most of the guys who go on the dance floor have to be super drunk first.


I wouldn't say "most"...obviously you get the occasional one that's had too many but they usually stand out like sore thumbs because of their lack of coordination.


and that can be a super deflater of attraction if you yourself are not drunk yet.


Oh right, so it's okay for you to be drunk, but not blokes lol?


they can learn some very basic step moves from a Youtube video in a matter of minutes.


Although that's true this is too...


tho it helps to have rythym. otherwise you're just having a seizure out there.


I agree here, just like music, it has to be felt. If you feel like you're trying it's probably not working.
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 115
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problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/3/2019 2:30:05 PM
Dance lesson made me think of this

Blockbusters - I'll Have an E please Bob (banned '91 version)

https://youtu.be/nSKQR0k6tUY?t=93

 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 116
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problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/3/2019 3:42:27 PM


Oh right, so it's okay for you to be drunk, but not blokes lol?


No, I just meant that unless you yourself are drunk enough, getting hit on by a really drunk guy is unattractive. If I was drunk though, then I wouldn't mind. But back in my club days, so many times I was still sober or not drunk enough and onto the dance floor would come a super drunk guy.
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 117
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problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/3/2019 4:48:54 PM

Nine times out of ten, when I get a reply, the first message includes a question or comment about my lack of a picture.
I even came across one woman's profile where she claimed in the About Me that she didn't judge people on looks.
And then at the bottom, one of her mail restrictions was ...."Must have a picture".
So, you don't judge people on looks, but you have to see their looks before you will even talk to them?
Another SMH moment.


If you don't like this situation then why not a picture up, I really don't understand people complaining about their lack of success when they have no picture up.

No woman is obligated to answer you just because of assumptions you've made in your head, she may mean when she sees a profile picture she's not gonna judge that person solely by that, more on the banter/exchanges between each other.
 wood_smell_as_sweet
Joined: 2/20/2019
Msg: 118
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problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/4/2019 8:36:14 AM
julystorm22 brought up a good point earlier, and its that some women suspect a man with no picture is hiding something and could be married or involved in a relationship.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 119
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problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/4/2019 8:40:37 AM
Here are a few other reasons to have a pic:

1) Why is it fair that you can see me and I can't see you?

2) You are a coward for not posting a pic and a woman reads you as a coward for not doing so.
 _Cinnamon__Girl_
Joined: 3/28/2016
Msg: 120
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problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/4/2019 8:48:37 AM
^^^^^Once again, I agree.

And there is a way to have private pics on your profile, that only people you choose can see, but people can't figure this out.
I just recently learned how to send pics while messaging in the app.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 121
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problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/4/2019 12:05:07 PM

Yeah, it sucks that most of the guys who go on the dance floor have to be super drunk first and that can be a super deflater of attraction if you yourself are not drunk yet.

That's why we offer to buy you a drink! To be tipsy like us! It greases the wheels of social interaction in terms of what momma told us not to do. ;) And also we drink to expand the amount of girls we're attracted to! We're always prepared to jump on a grenade for one of our friends, as well. ;)

1) Why is it fair that you can see me and I can't see you?

What -- you don't like surprises? ;)

2) You are a coward for not posting a pic and a woman reads you as a coward for not doing so.

In all seriousness though -- one can have a pic, but just not posted publicly -- but willing to give to someone they hit up. Also, some people, namely high school teachers -- don't want to put them up publicly for understandable reasons. I would only call them a coward if they want to talk AND not give out their picture.

But girls can get away with it, since there's far more girls than guys. If she has "average" or better in her body type -- many guys will bite, to have a look-see.
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 122
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problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/4/2019 12:58:26 PM

Also, some people, namely high school teachers -- don't want to put them up publicly for understandable reasons.


Yes I've heard this used as a reason before, but what exactly are these "understandable reasons" can somebody explain?
Cause all I can think of is they don't want their pupils to know, but this makes no sense as don't you have to be at least 18 to sign to these sites.
I work within schools and I see other teachers from schools all the time in my region so it does not seem to be a valid reason.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 123
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problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/4/2019 1:51:12 PM

Yes I've heard this used as a reason before, but what exactly are these "understandable reasons" can somebody explain?

Because students don't have to Actually be 18 to sign up for a site to go looking around. You really think everyone in high school before the 2nd half of their senior year hitting 18, haven't seen a porn site? :) Plus there are those at 18 in there, but still finishing up high school -- or just a bit older -- and can have younger siblings still in high school, which is very common. Teachers like to keep their private lives private. But, some don't care. YMMV.
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 124
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problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/4/2019 2:12:12 PM

Because students don't have to Actually be 18 to sign up for a site to go looking around. You really think everyone in high school before the 2nd half of their senior year hitting 18, haven't seen a porn site? :) Plus there are those at 18 in there, but still finishing up high school -- or just a bit older -- and can have younger siblings still in high school, which is very common. Teachers like to keep their private lives private. But, some don't care.


Yeah I get the deal with most of that... but so what if a student sees you?
A bit of gentle ribbing perhaps, some whispers and sing maybe, I thought online dating was less 'taboo' now than it was seen in previous times.


YMMV.


Sorry, I don't understand what this means.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 125
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problems with time wasters and unexplainable vanishing
Posted: 5/4/2019 2:21:04 PM

Yeah I get the deal with most of that... but so what if a student sees you?

Most teachers who don't get involved in extracurricular activities like to keep their personal life very separate from their students. But again, YMMV.

Sorry, I don't understand what this means.

Your Mileage May Vary. Meaning, to what degree a teacher's going to have that mindset, will vary. Some won't care at all.
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