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 Million_Reasons
Joined: 10/23/2018
Msg: 51
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She used a gift card to pay for her mealPage 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
"Alternatively, is it possible that you are subconsciously using your guilt to excuse what you subconsciously feel is promiscuity and because you just really want to have sex?"


I don't think cognitive dissonance and the resulting guilt fully answers the question of why would she really want to have sex with a guy she "didn't really like" just cause he bought her dinner.


Low self esteem is most likely the root cause. She uses the reciprocity heuristic as a jusification and a means to assuage the cognitive dissonance and the resultant guilt that such behavior causes.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 52
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/2/2019 2:38:07 PM

I wonder what you get for a Maccy d's


A "happy ending" for a Happy Meal?
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 53
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/2/2019 2:53:12 PM

Seriously? What's the issue with a gift card? She had it so no doubt would want to use it. And it was only a first date so whatever. When it comes to dating, I am clueless about what to do when it comes to going out for supper. I am a coupon user but I am worried about coming across as a cheapskate. I have only gone out to supper with 4 men for dates.


Because a few years ago there was a thread about a man who used a coupon on a date - he got absolutely lambasted as being cheap. It shows that women will not immediately jump in to criticize other women for doing some of the same things they think a man shouldn’t do. By the way, this lady didn’t drive or have a car, and she worked in child care, which is one of the lower-paying professions. I didn’t care about that, but a lot of women do care if a man has wheels, and he if he has an average to above-average income

Joe is right, once a guy is friend zoned by a woman he does lose attraction pretty fast. I don’t know why it keeps happening to me that women say they want to meet again, and then don’t respond. Why don’t they just be upfront and say they’re not interested? Playing games is actually far more hurtful. A woman once told me straight upfront that she didn’t want to date me because she didn’t find me attractive. I actually have more respect for her, and it was less hurtful than women who won’t say what they really think and just ghost you.
 Million_Reasons
Joined: 10/23/2018
Msg: 54
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/2/2019 3:14:32 PM
^"Because a few years ago there was a thread about a man who used a coupon on a date - he got absolutely lambasted as being cheap. It shows that women will not immediately jump in to criticize other women for doing some of the same things they think a man shouldn’t do."


If....she was paying for you, also, with that giftcard (which is not the same as a coupon) we might have trashed her. Associating her projected value of you.....but since she was only paying for herself? No reflection on you. It actually shows common values between you two.

Sorry it didn't work out. :)


P.S. I discovered Groupon at Xmas time (my theme was "experience" gifts). Still have some I didn't give away or use yet. My next lucky date? 15 mins....in a clear human size hamster ball rolling around on the surface of a lake! Good times! :)
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 55
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/2/2019 3:32:43 PM


Alternatively, is it possible that you are subconsciously using your guilt to excuse what you subconsciously feel is promiscuity and because you just really want to have sex?
Low self esteem is most likely the root cause.

I think the low self-esteem was too. But I also think it's very possible that her mood to have sex & affection was the main factor, and him being a guy she wasn't that attracted to, paying for the outing fueled that notion. Kinda like classic "guy logic". "Well, I'm not into him, I kinda knew it heading into it. And he paid for everything. I do want sex & affection, and, well, I do owe him something too, so..."

I think low self esteem commonly puts a gal in position to roll in that direction that way.

Because a few years ago there was a thread about a man who used a coupon on a date - he got absolutely lambasted as being cheap.

Yeah, but gals aren't going to be accused of doing that. And plus, she wasn't taking you out, nor you taking her out, as it wasn't a Date. So you could have done it yourself. If anything though, I think the utilization of the gift card & wanting to go there was a potential sign that she could lack sufficient interest in-that-way about you, and still want to go out, as that alone was a motive to go out with someone, at that spot.

she worked in child care, which is one of the lower-paying professions. I didn’t care about that, but a lot of women do care if a man has wheels, and he if he has an average to above-average income

A lot of guys do Care at least, if a gal has wheels -- even in a big city where it doesn't mean as much. But yeah, one will care a lesser amount in a big city with public transit as more normal. And certainly much less about a gal doing so when she's just making it by. Out around here, many gals working in child care are just paid helpers and not a position of "profession" at all -- but it's more like a job in-the-mean-time.

Joe is right, once a guy is friend zoned by a woman he does lose attraction pretty fast.

Yeah, namely attraction toward pursuing her. But many times if there's a theoretical "opening" that it may not be truly 100% friend-zone, by the way a gal says it when trying-to-be-nice, some guys will still have a desire to chase until it becomes more apparent (even if it was pretty apparent prior).

I don’t know why it keeps happening to me that women say they want to meet again, and then don’t respond. Why don’t they just be upfront and say they’re not interested?

Well, your situation with that gal is different than a gal Merely Agreeing to the notion when you bring it up to them, on meeting again. That, you should expect happening some, notably when you can't fully read the gal's interest.

With this gal, it's more like -- why go out of your way to say you want to Pursue something with me, in a friendship, when you don't even want to respond? Well, good news is -- you shouldn't want to pursue it anyway, if it's just-friends that she wants. Her not responding only validates any distant possibility that she did like you more than just a friend underneath it all. So you get your answer, at least.

But yeah, why go thru those charades? That's why when she said that in that moment on what she wants -- you should have questioned her about it in an inviting, open, cool way. "Okay. Hey, I'm cool either way (smile) -- but do you mean you're not interested in-that-way, but would instead like to just be friends?" At the point she said that, the confusion should have already begun. Not at the point of a lot of dead-air time after you texted her post-date.
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 56
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/2/2019 3:38:58 PM
LOL MR.
Message #51.
You are obviously 'book smart' in the classic sense of the phrase whereas I am not but I agree.

On another note, a gift card or even a coupon has a monetary value to the owner.
 Million_Reasons
Joined: 10/23/2018
Msg: 57
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/2/2019 4:03:45 PM
^Lol! No...just understand people are onions. :)

I beg to differ on the giftcard vs. coupon....a giftcard is fully owned and a coupon is contingent on purchase.

I have felt the difference when I given a Michael Kors giftcard vs. the 20% coupon....just sayin. Giving one's gift away usually hurts a bit more than just giving a coupon. In this case, tho, it is neither here nor there since she used it on herself...and I suspect this situation may be a figment of the Op's imagination. ;)
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 58
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/2/2019 4:46:12 PM

I beg to differ on the giftcard vs. coupon....a giftcard is fully owned and a coupon is contingent on purchase

Not necessarily. Both are owned by the person who has it in their wallet/purse, and most gift cards are contingent on purchase, although with gift cards you'll get change back if you happened to not spend as much as it was set for -- where with coupons, that's not going to happen. And some gift cards can be buy-1-get-1-free and the like, but you paid for it (most likely at a discount VS not using it). I think everything's called a "gift card" as a better sounding name if you paid for it. I've seen ones you can buy, where it's 20% off your next purchase. Ymmv.

Either way though, I will say if I had to whip one out on a 1st Date, I would choose the gift card. And, like discount certificate or coupon, I'd do my best to keep it under the radar.
 Million_Reasons
Joined: 10/23/2018
Msg: 59
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/2/2019 5:27:47 PM
NG?

Your unique contributions to these forums are much appreciated and recognized.

That's all I got. :)


 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 60
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/2/2019 5:45:34 PM

Both are owned by the person who has it in their wallet/purse, and most gift cards are contingent on purchase


We might be splicing hairs here but the coupon which has only intrinsic value until the purchase is still a guarantee that a certain amount of money will be left in the wallet after it's. Therefore it also has a monetary value to be determined by the amount of the purchase.
Regardless, the gift card or coupon have a value that the buyer no longer owns once used. How then, is using either, any different than paying by cash or credit?
Personally, I admire thriftiness and would be impressed by a rare man with a coupon.
 Million_Reasons
Joined: 10/23/2018
Msg: 61
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/2/2019 6:06:30 PM
^We are for sure splitting hairs here...but I fear that the emotional investment of the "Giftcard" is being overlooked and the "pedestrianess" of the "Coupon" elevated to a status it just simply just does not deserve! :)
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 62
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/2/2019 10:07:14 PM

If....she was paying for you, also, with that giftcard (which is not the same as a coupon) we might have trashed her. Associating her projected value of you.....but since she was only paying for herself? No reflection on you. It actually shows common values between you two.


Well, according to that theory if she didn’t pay for me, her projected value of me was zero. She actually asked me first if I want to go out, and she suggested the restaurant. I don’t care that I had to pay my own way, but a lot of women would be offended if a man asked them out first and then said he was going to split the bill at the last minute. I’m much less entitled and more easy-going.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 63
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/2/2019 10:40:00 PM

She used a gift card to pay for her meal.


Nada, because at Maccy D's I can use a coupon.

That was the one and only time I ever got to go out for supper at a fancy restaurant. I have a really heard time spending money on luxurious type things so that date was pretty overwhelming for me. And the guy was just over-the-top nice but the attraction was not there at all. He was missing a couple front teeth too from an old football injury and I just couldn't overcome it. Worst sex ever too because it was like he was way too surprised I was doing it with him and he was trying way to hard.
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 64
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/3/2019 3:44:21 AM
^^ You overcome it enough to take the freebie meal and fk him
 Million_Reasons
Joined: 10/23/2018
Msg: 65
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/3/2019 3:47:42 AM
Msg: 62

"She actually asked me first if I want to go out, and she suggested the restaurant. I don’t care that I had to pay my own way, but a lot of women would be offended if a man asked them out first and then said he was going to split the bill at the last minute. I’m much less entitled and more easy-going."

Sorry. That is a "traditional" concept. You specifically advertised for non traditional. Now you just gotta roll with it. :)
She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/3/2019 4:01:22 AM
Kokanee - stop thinking and just DO. DO whatever you want to DO. I wouldn't even bother with "dating" if I had to go through all the mental gymnastics so many of you do.

Do things your way and the right one will have no objections.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 67
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/3/2019 6:30:03 AM
Like the Finding Dory movie says "Just keep swimming." Eventually you are gonna find someone who clicks with you in this wide ocean.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 68
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/3/2019 7:21:18 AM

Well, according to that theory if she didn’t pay for me, her projected value of me was zero. She actually asked me first if I want to go out, and she suggested the restaurant. I don’t care that I had to pay my own way, but a lot of women would be offended if a man asked them out first and then said he was going to split the bill at the last minute. I’m much less entitled and more easy-going.

perhaps the giftcard limit was spent?

This gets all confusing. This is why it is just easier to be like:

"Me Tarzan., you Jane..7pm at the Blue Lagoon" for happy hour(2 for 1)..women tend to appreciate directness and even (not sure why) consider IT spontaneous when you quickly set a meeting.

Coupon/dining cards/gift cards are all fine. Hell, you can even pick the mans wallet over at the next table when she(and him) aren't looking to pay for the drinks ,thus ensuring you have the appropriate bad boy/edge required by many women .

Perhaps he has a coupon too? Hey after all, there is a 60% chance she specifically said she was looking for a partner in crime. YOU CAN BE THAT MAN!


Eventually you are gonna find someone who clicks with you in this wide ocean.

Or get tangled in a Dolphin net.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 69
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/3/2019 7:39:54 AM

Well, according to that theory if she didn’t pay for me, her projected value of me was zero. She actually asked me first if I want to go out, and she suggested the restaurant. I don’t care that I had to pay my own way, but a lot of women would be offended if a man asked them out first and then said he was going to split the bill at the last minute. I’m much less entitled and more easy-going.

perhaps the giftcard limit was spent?

This gets all confusing. This is why it is just easier to be like:

"Me Tarzan., you Jane..7pm at the Blue Lagoon" for happy hour(2 for 1)..women tend to appreciate directness and even (not sure why) consider IT spontaneous when you quickly set a meeting.

Coupon/dining cards/gift cards are all fine. Hell, you can even pick the mans wallet over at the next table when she(and him) aren't looking to pay for the drinks ,thus ensuring you have the appropriate bad boy/edge required by many women .

Perhaps he has a coupon too? Hey after all, there is a 60% chance she specifically said she was looking for a partner in crime. YOU CAN BE THAT MAN!



Eventually you are gonna find someone who clicks with you in this wide ocean.

Or get tangled in a Dolphin net.

Joe is right, once a guy is friend zoned by a woman he does lose attraction pretty fast. I don’t know why it keeps happening to me that women say they want to meet again, and then don’t respond. Why don’t they just be upfront and say they’re not interested? Playing games is actually far more hurtful. A woman once told me straight upfront that she didn’t want to date me because she didn’t find me attractive. I actually have more respect for her, and it was less hurtful than women who won’t say what they really think and just ghost you.


Pure selfishness masquerading as being nice is unfortunately why they do it. Sad thing is was done by women 30 years ago and I am sure since the invention of the phone. They do it because they think it is hurtful to be blunt and don't wanna directly hurt your feelings and that it means they aren't nice, but that is their selfishness to NOT get out of their comfort zone to be direct which perpetuates this common lie to themselves and to the men who pursue them.

With internet forums, chick magazines MOST women know today that men hate to be led on and have a false sense of reality but they continue to do it. It gets worst because when you call or keep calling they still won't tell you and behind your back are telling their friends your harassing them or maybe even stalking them.
This crying wolf actually hurts them when dealing with law enforcement. I can't tell you how many times a women asked me about what to do about a guy harassing them and I find out the situation and had to "BLAME THE VICTIM"(man actually was true victim). She was basically leading a guy on verbally and expecting him to take the hint. I have told them countless times NOT to do that. Stalking starts that way because some men have OCD. There are kinder ways to reject that don't waste time. "I don't feel chemistry that this would be a LTR" is a perfect choice of words IMHO.

Oh for the women who say they do it for safety reasons..BS reason. Being honest on the phone is 100x safer than HOPING that a guy will take nonverbal cues. You have to remember a man being BUTT HURT is proportionally related to the amount of time he persists. More butt hurt= more chance of conflict.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 70
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/3/2019 7:49:34 AM
I bought a lot of gift cards last year, like $500, mostly for myself to get the 20% discount to restaurants I go to regardless. Or I give a gift card to my brother and keep the 20% bonus card.

One annoying thing the restaurants do, they often give the 20% as a "bonus" gift card that has to be used by some date, like end of Feb. And often you can't combine bonus cards, so if you have more than 1, you have to go multiple times to use them. All before the end of say Feb.

The year before I also bought a lot of gift cards because the local Sam's club closed and they sold their gift cards at a 50% discount with no bonus cards.

But I am not dating, so that is one thing I don't have to think about.
 MeramecRiverRat
Joined: 10/12/2017
Msg: 71
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/3/2019 8:01:36 AM
Welcome back Pig!

Regarding the thread title of using a gift card, they have lower liquidity than real money because they're only good at the business in question, their resale value is less than the stated price (as stated in an earlier post), and they might have an expiration date, or they might become worthless when the business goes belly up. Therefore it makes sense to use up the gift card soon.

Sometimes people get gift cards as a holiday gift at work, a prize at a local event, charity fundraiser, etc. Some people might not feel comfortable going to a restaurant by themselves, so they try to find someone else to go. Your (OP) date's friend might have won the card and it didn't fit in with the friend's diet.

So in general, you shouldn't think anything of her using the gift card instead of cash or a credit card.

A red flag would be if she used a food stamp EBT card.

It would have been more polite if she had told you and the waitress there would be separate checks earlier, when the waitress first brought the menu. That way the waitress wouldn't have to go to the trouble of bringing a bill for the entire table, then going back and creating two bills. Because she waited until the waitress brought the bill, your date should have paid for the whole thing with her card plus her credit card, then you could have paid the date in cash for your portion plus half the tip.

Instead of agreeing to go on the first meet at a restaurant you consider pricey, you should have told her you're not comfortable starting at such a place. A check of over $20 per person is way too high for me!

Asking her if she had any luck on POF puts you both in the friendzone (you were obviously already in the friendzone when she said the dreaded "F" word). Mentioning other dates or exes is a no-no. When a girl says most of the guys she meets are XYZ, that implies she met multiple guys who weren't XYZ, possibly going all the way with them.

The most annoying cards to me are the rebates in the form of a Visa that expires in a few months. Most places cannot handle them because it asks for a PIN. Only Mickey D's and Wally World seem to handle them without a problem. Wouldn't think of trying such a card on a date because of the potential problem of asking for a nonexistent PIN and the impression it might make of a card being denied (the date might wonder if the card was stolen or if the person has a zero bank account balance).

Once at a restaurant I had one of those rebate cards with a balance of about $10. It was a pay first place and my order was to go. Went there because I had a date / first meet at a nearby free outdoor concert where people bring their own picnic items. I thought the item I ordered would be less than the balance, but took in a $1 bill and some change in case it went over. They had indeed raised their prices and the cost was 20 to 30 cents above the card price. I asked the worker if I could pay with the whole balance of the card plus the remainder of cash, but the moron behind the register (she spoke as if she just got off the boat) just repeatedly said "No" in her thick accent. I paid for that restaurant item with a credit card and have not been back to that restaurant since because they hire uncommunicative imbicles! Probably used up that card on two or three trips to McD's or White Castle. The date was a dud: she constantly talked about herself with no apparent point, and she made unfounded assumptions she had better social skills than I did. In addition, she dressed unattractively, wearing "mom" capris. It was over 100 degrees, so I'll give her credit for being able to handle the heat. I offered her part of the food I brought and she declined. If I remember correctly, she had small containers of some fruity "chick drink" and gave me one. The music and overall atmosphere were good enough I don't regret going. Had another first meet date with a different gal the next day: an active outdoors afternoon on another 100+ degree day, and she and I had a "spark". She brought watermelon and shared it with me when we got back to the parking lot. You don't need to go to restaurants costing over $20 per plate for a first meet.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 72
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/3/2019 8:40:19 AM
Winter gets much harder to figure out cheap first dates. You pretty much have to meet indoors.

Meet-and-greats should mostly be in a coffee shop or fast food place. Makes it much less awkward because you order your food before sitting down although there can still be problems. Here are some of the many thoughts though from a woman's perspective:

1 - Is this guy old-fashioned when it comes to paying and will he feel put off if a girl insists on paying for herself?
2 - Should I insist on paying and if so how much should I insist?
3 - If I pay now, that will set the precedent for any other dates we might have.
4 - He paid for me so he must like me.
5 - He paid for me, he cares about taking care of a girl.
6 - He paid for me, he has good old fashioned values of chivalry.
7 - He paid for me or told me ahead he's paying and now I don't have to spend all date wondering about the etiquette of paying at the end.
8 - I'm not really into him so I'm gonna pay for my own stuff so he doesn't feel used afterwards.
She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/3/2019 9:02:08 AM


Welcome back Pig!


Thanks.

Jesus f*ck. So many rules and unnecessary shit to think about. Tons of my first meets have been at bars and clubs to see bands. We hit the dance floor and everything takes care of itself.

No offense, some of you are as complicated as Chinese algebra and come across as fun as a visit to the proctologist.
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 74
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/3/2019 10:30:46 AM

Meet-and-greats should mostly be in a coffee shop or fast food place. Makes it much less awkward because you order your food before sitting down although there can still be problems.


Well I’ve never had a date at a real restaurant, so I wanted to experience it. That’s why I didn’t care that my bill came up to $50.00 on a meet-and-greet.


Here are some of the many thoughts though from a woman's perspective:

1 - Is this guy old-fashioned when it comes to paying and will he feel put off if a girl insists on paying for herself?
2 - Should I insist on paying and if so how much should I insist?
3 - If I pay now, that will set the precedent for any other dates we might have.
4 - He paid for me so he must like me.
5 - He paid for me, he cares about taking care of a girl.
6 - He paid for me, he has good old fashioned values of chivalry.
7 - He paid for me or told me ahead he's paying and now I don't have to spend all date wondering about the etiquette of paying at the end.
8 - I'm not really into him so I'm gonna pay for my own stuff so he doesn't feel used afterwards.


You forgot the feminist perspective - I’m going to pay for myself to show that I’m an independent woman. This woman did say that she was more liberal than conservative, and she was into that new age all organic lifestyle. She could have been a feminist.

The friend zone is actually a relatively new concept. It was popularized by an episode of the sitcom “Friends” in 1994. Some people don’t think it really exists. I believe it exists and has to do with ingrained gender roles.
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 75
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/3/2019 10:47:24 AM

Well I’ve never had a date at a real restaurant, so I wanted to experience it. That’s why I didn’t care that my bill came up to $50.00 on a meet-and-greet.


Did you never go with your wife to a restaurant, even before or after your marriage? Married people can have 'date' nights too.


The friend zone is actually a relatively new concept. It was popularized by an episode of the sitcom “Friends” in 1994. Some people don’t think it really exists. I believe it exists and has to do with ingrained gender roles.


Interesting concept. I would be interested in your reasoning here.
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