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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > She used a gift card to pay for her meal      Home login  
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 fashionchic
Joined: 1/30/2019
Msg: 101
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Have giftcard, will travel. Page 5 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

But in general splitting the bill on the first date / meeting doesn't necessarily mean she wasn't interested. Some women simply think it is the correct thing to do or they want to "prove their independence". I dated a woman that told me during a first date / meeting that she prefers splitting the bill. Regardless of how well the date went.

Some women may only offer when they don't want another date. But women are not monolithic. I usually offer to split the bill on first dates. It doesn't matter if I want to see him again or not.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 102
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Posted: 4/7/2019 10:17:57 AM
I won't offer to a split a bill if I like him but if I know I don't want to see him again or I'm not sure about him then I insist on splitting. And I also tend to see a guy insisting on paying as a sign he likes me.
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 103
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Posted: 4/7/2019 11:01:22 AM

Some women may only offer when they don't want another date. But women are not monolithic. I usually offer to split the bill on first dates. It doesn't matter if I want to see him again or not.


Exactly. Not all women are the same. Now I realize why this first meet failed. It wasn’t because I didn’t kiss her, but because we couldn’t relate to each other. We had a totally different upbringings. She didn’t even seem the least bit interested in asking me questions of how I grew up, where I lived, and my life story. It’s like she really didn’t want to get to know me from the beginning. I was the one asking most of the questions. You have to be able to relate to the person before you can get physically intimate with them. Although I’m sure some people may disagree.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 104
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She used a gift card to pay for her meal
Posted: 4/7/2019 12:18:36 PM

We might be splicing hairs here but the coupon which has only intrinsic value until the purchase is still a guarantee that a certain amount of money will be left in the wallet after it's.

Many gift cards are non-refundable, and I've seen coupons where no purchase is necessary. They vary and aren't all "classic". But either way, tomato, tomatoe, neither have any value until you apply it to the store/service it came from. I can't apply a $20 off gift card or coupon to the movie theater, at Applebees. :)

Remember that women are all about nonverbal communication, we try to read people and understand things about them just based on seeing.

And when us guys do that, we're "creepy". ;)

It’s always going to be split regarding who pays.

From my observation -- gals are more open to the concept of females financially contributing to dates when you're talking about it (like bar conversation; or like here on forums I would imagine). But when the rubber meats the road, it becomes a different story.

There’s no right or wrong way.

But there's a Subjective "right" and "wrong" in some gals' eyes. Which is why guys like me are always going to motion to pay 100% in classic date situations. To avoid it being seen as "wrong" if I say I-got-this-one-you-get-next without her saying anything.

I won't offer to a split a bill if I like him but if I know I don't want to see him again or I'm not sure about him then I insist on splitting.

One of the problems is, some gals do a Fake gesture to pay their portion. So if the guy has attraction about her, unless the date was an obvious bomb, he's going to avoid falling into the Fake-Trap and say "no I got this".

She didn’t even seem the least bit interested in asking me questions of how I grew up, where I lived, and my life story. It’s like she really didn’t want to get to know me from the beginning.

She wanted to use her gift card at that place, because it was a bit expensive of a place and her fellow poor gal pals didn't want to throw down coin there. But a guy willing to go out on a date (you) would. :)
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 105
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Posted: 4/7/2019 12:27:29 PM

And I also tend to see a guy insisting on paying as a sign he likes me.

Not always true though. Some men will insist on paying even when they aren't interested because they follow the "traditional" dating rules that a man should pay on dates.
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 106
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Posted: 4/7/2019 3:27:56 PM

I won't offer to a split a bill if I like him


What if he's a staunch believer in equality of the sexes, he ain't gonna be happy about that.
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 107
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Posted: 4/7/2019 4:13:04 PM
^^^ Those types of men don’t exist in her Canadian province. They’re conservative and have a Neanderthal view of gender roles.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 9/29/2017
Msg: 108
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Posted: 4/7/2019 4:24:20 PM
^ They gonna shoot her!

Wait! Says the guy from CALGARY??
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 109
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Posted: 4/7/2019 4:39:18 PM

Not always true though. Some men will insist on paying even when they aren't interested because they follow the "traditional" dating rules that a man should pay on dates.

True. But not always just out of "tradition", tho. Probably less than one thinks. When you're not interested in the gal, empathy will play a role in wanting to cover the bill. After all, guys get rejection all the time; they know how it feels. So he just continues with that "habit" in said situation, as he's not going to see her again. Assuming she didn't pull a fast one on the guy if it's a 1st date from online -- but he just wasn't into her, it'll tilt toward the guy paying anyway and he'd lean on following thru on that anyway.
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 110
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Posted: 4/7/2019 5:50:54 PM

^ They gonna shoot her!

Wait! Says the guy from CALGARY??


I’m not from Calgary. I just moved here for work. There’s too many rednecks here for my taste. I’m more liberal than conservative. Everybody’s walking around wearing cowboy hats. If I could find a job elsewhere, I’d move.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 111
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Posted: 4/7/2019 5:53:33 PM
Many guys are more "traditional" in Saskatchewan and many of the women too. There's also the fact that guys on average have way better-paying jobs than women here too which plays a role with who pays. But there's so many guys from outside the realm who have moved here sometimes it's hard to figure out what etiquette to apply. And I think guys have a really hard time because they are aware of the existance of feminists and cannot be sure which woman is which when dating so they aren't sure what they should do.
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 112
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Posted: 4/7/2019 7:59:40 PM

True. But not always just out of "tradition", tho. Probably less than one thinks. When you're not interested in the gal, empathy will play a role in wanting to cover the bill. After all, guys get rejection all the time; they know how it feels. So he just continues with that "habit" in said situation, as he's not going to see her again. Assuming she didn't pull a fast one on the guy if it's a 1st date from online -- but he just wasn't into her, it'll tilt toward the guy paying anyway and he'd lean on following thru on that anyway.


You think men have money to spend wining and dining every woman who’s not interested in seeing them again?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 113
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Posted: 4/7/2019 8:16:07 PM

You think men have money to spend wining and dining every woman who’s not interested in seeing them again?

I was referring to the opposite scenario: Where he feels/realizes He doesn't have interest in her. So in the common event when he still does still pay for the bill, it's not necessarily out of "tradition" -- was my point. Well, nothing beyond the tradition as far as the notion that if the guy asks the gal out -- or it's a 1st date where he didn't, but he initiated things -- that he's going to pay at least the majority of the bill by default. So if not tradition, then why would he pay when He's not interested and there was no asking to Take her out?
Empathy plays a role in that, which flows with the Common scenario that he Is, fairly or unfairly going to pay at least the majority of the bill(s) for the majority of dates he gets.

Much the same as if you go out on a couple dates (where you paid at least the lions share of it both times) with a gal where you sense she may not be that interested even though you communicate... and you two do agree on a 3rd date. But on that 3rd date, where your senses of lack of interest aren't changed -- when the bill's cumming, she says "seriously, let me get this". It's a potential verification of her lack of interest. I've had that done to me. She was a bit out of my league in looks, she was waivering about the dating scene and was still hung up on her ex, and I believe it was empathy for me, wasting my time, knowing I dug her.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 114
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Posted: 4/7/2019 10:39:45 PM
From a girl's perspective too, there's kind of this view that the guy is after sex (with some guys also after a relationship) and if the girl thinks she's going to be having sex with him (because she's usually attracted to him hopefully) him paying the bill is kind of like some sort of downpayment. I know some of you on here will say I'm being ridiculous but guys usually are angling for sex more than a woman and him paying for a date is like putting his money down and claiming his position. There's a transactional element to the whole paying for a date and such. In no way am I saying a girl should feel obligated to sleep with a guy because he paid for a date (like I did) but from a guy's perspective, the money he spends on it is worth it if it gets him laid or gets him the girl. It's like an investment.
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 115
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Posted: 4/7/2019 10:51:33 PM
^^^ Not in my world. There’s no proof that men enjoy sex more than women. Why is a woman even looking to date if she doesn’t want sex? If a guy wants to pay for sex he can just hire an escort - it’s safer for him as there’s no chance of rejection or paying and not getting what he wants.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 116
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Posted: 4/8/2019 12:08:31 AM

From a girl's perspective too, there's kind of this view that the guy is after sex (with some guys also after a relationship) and if the girl thinks she's going to be having sex with him (because she's usually attracted to him hopefully) him paying the bill is kind of like some sort of downpayment.

No. That's not how girls, in general, think.

I know some of you on here will say I'm being ridiculous but guys usually are angling for sex more than a woman and him paying for a date is like putting his money down and claiming his position.

It's not ridiculous to ponder that thought -- as with some guys, his mindset may lean that way or in rarer cases ridiculously Be that way -- yes, it's ridiculous to think "that's a guy's position". Just the same way it's ridiculous to think that guys in general want to treat women like sh!t because you can find guys like that.

There's a transactional element to the whole paying for a date and such.

Ehhhh, I would say Potential transactional element to it on a 1st date. When you're datING, yes, totally agree. However, said lady may not agree -- thinking it's her social "right", but that's another story.

In no way am I saying a girl should feel obligated to sleep with a guy because he paid for a date (like I did) but from a guy's perspective, the money he spends on it is worth it if it gets him laid or gets him the girl. It's like an investment.

I don't agree. I would say it's more like "If you Agreed to go on a date with me, and I paid it without your seemingly clear rebuttal (unless there's a preemptive warning, or out of obviousness that she can't hardly pay for her ownself, or it was an uncommon charity case for him) -- you 'like' me. Unless there's a disaster between us after the fact, there's no reason for me not to believe you took me taking you out for granted."

That said, us guys are "raised" by society (even with parents discluded) -- that that's just how you have to do it, given the flow of the dating scene / market. It's an "investment" no more than him adjusting his tie and approaching the gal in the first place, possibly facing rejection, to spark convo.

There’s no proof that men enjoy sex more than women.

True, butt, that's not what July's insinuating. Also: I think it's from an indirect angle. There Is lots of evidence that anyone can naturally acquire... 1st/2nd/3rd-hand, that guys in general are Less negatively-affected by having sex than women, thus, indirectly enjoying it more as a result.

Why is a woman even looking to date if she doesn’t want sex?

I don't think July has insinuated that. Look at her baseball scorecard with guys. :)

If a guy wants to pay for sex he can just hire an escort - it’s safer for him as there’s no chance of rejection or paying and not getting what he wants.

Legit refute to that is this: It's not like going to the nearest 711 and buying a beer. Not even remotely close in almost all guys' mindsets. Plus, as us guys, even ones who aren't wanting a relationship -- we want real attraction, not role-playing.
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 117
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Posted: 4/8/2019 3:06:04 AM

Legit refute to that is this: It's not like going to the nearest 711 and buying a beer. Not even remotely close in almost all guys' mindsets. Plus, as us guys, even ones who aren't wanting a relationship -- we want real attraction, not role-playing.


July had sex with a guy she didn’t even find attractive just because he took her to an upscale restaurant and paid the bill. This guy must have known he could never score with real attraction, so he dished out the money.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 118
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Posted: 4/8/2019 7:39:22 AM

I know some of you on here will say I'm being ridiculous but guys usually are angling for sex more than a woman and him paying for a date is like putting his money down and claiming his position.


True, but I know very few men that think paying for expensive food is going to lead to sex. Most men have wised up these days I think. Some men just want to make a favorable position regardless if sex included or not.

July had sex with a guy she didn’t even find attractive just because he took her to an upscale restaurant and paid the bill. This guy must have known he could never score with real attraction, so he dished out the money.


I called BS on that. Not calling July a liar directly, but I do think she isn't accurately reviewing the situation after the fact. In my experience women sometimes , afterwards, make excuses as to why they did or didn't do anything. It is like women drinking a glass of wine and saying the alcohol MADE them do it. If a women , who is completely sober, has sex with a guy, it isn't solely because he paid for dinner. I don't know ANY normal women who would do that and she seems normal enough. Even meal whores DON'T..they try to extract as much as possible, without having to pay out, so to speak.

Now I realize why this first meet failed. It wasn’t because I didn’t kiss her, but because we couldn’t relate to each other.

Actually , there was lack of attraction from her part. Women often will go out for more dates to see if they "RELATE" if there is attraction.


She didn’t even seem the least bit interested in asking me questions of how I grew up, where I lived, and my life story. It’s like she really didn’t want to get to know me from the beginning. I was the one asking most of the questions.

That isn't 100% true. Some women let the man lead and don't ask much . Some don't even talk much. Means Sh#T on a 1st date. I have had quiet women jump my bones fast and talkative women with lots of questions ghost after saying how great I am. It is all relative.


You have to be able to relate to the person before you can get physically intimate with them.

Ok, you sound like a women there. Please go pick up your man card , I think you dropped it. For most men sex is good in itself as a physical act. The question is will it be good , great or bad sex.

P.S. were you raised by a single women and in a home with other women?(sisters,etc) . If so ..it explains a lot!
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 119
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Posted: 4/8/2019 8:08:53 AM

From a girl's perspective too, there's kind of this view that the guy is after sex (with some guys also after a relationship) and if the girl thinks she's going to be having sex with him (because she's usually attracted to him hopefully) him paying the bill is kind of like some sort of downpayment. I know some of you on here will say I'm being ridiculous but guys usually are angling for sex more than a woman and him paying for a date is like putting his money down and claiming his position. There's a transactional element to the whole paying for a date and such. In no way am I saying a girl should feel obligated to sleep with a guy because he paid for a date (like I did) but from a guy's perspective, the money he spends on it is worth it if it gets him laid or gets him the girl. It's like an investment.


No.
I don't know where you've gotten your ideas about the norm.
I've never thought payment of a date was any sort of transactional element or a form of downpayment.
And I can 100% guarantee you my daughters don't think this either, and they are your age group.
Must be something in the air up there. Most of your ideas seem to be from the 1950's generation.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 120
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Posted: 4/8/2019 8:40:20 AM
msg#119:

No.
I don't know where you've gotten your ideas about the norm.
I've never thought payment of a date was any sort of transactional element or a form of downpayment.
And I can 100% guarantee you my daughters don't think this either, and they are your age group.
Must be something in the air up there. Most of your ideas seem to be from the 1950's generation.


+1

Except for the 'most of your ideas seem to be from the 1950s generation'

Don't think any woman at any time EVER thought she needed to have sex with a guy just because he forked out some cash for a sandwich. Sheesh<<<
The 'Fifties' get a bad rap IMO~
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 121
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Posted: 4/8/2019 8:44:41 AM

him paying for a date is like putting his money down and claiming his position. There's a transactional element to the whole paying for a date and such. In no way am I saying a girl should feel obligated to sleep with a guy because he paid for a date (like I did) but from a guy's perspective, the money he spends on it is worth it if it gets him laid or gets him the girl. It's like an investment.


There must have been some attraction there (perhaps on a subconscious level) as not many girls would sleep with a guy on the basis of "look I owe you one", like a favour.
Perhaps you not being interested in seeing him again was based upon signs of him not being good relationship material, a keeper so to speak, and nothing to do with non attraction.
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 122
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Posted: 4/8/2019 8:59:23 AM
I meant to add: Not that there's anything wrong in taking that position (no, not THAT position). Girl's, just like men, can have a one off experience like that with no intention of repeating it.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 123
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Posted: 4/8/2019 9:13:33 AM
Not sure the 50's get that much of a bad rap actually.
I finally came across my biological mother's death certificate
and where it said social security number, she didn't have one
because she was a housewife...apparently she never worked. She
died when she was 30 and had only been married 4 years so I have
no idea what she did other than live at home and then move to my
dad's house.

I've seen several magazine articles and books from that generation,
mostly for the comic content although they were printed for truth,
and there was a lot about pleasing your husband and his expectations.
That's a whole 'nother WTF thread.

Anyways, I'm still trying to wrap my head around the no social
security number.
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 124
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Posted: 4/8/2019 10:16:05 AM

Actually , there was lack of attraction from her part. Women often will go out for more dates to see if they "RELATE" if there is attraction.


Attraction in what way? If a woman likes your pics and agrees to meet you in person, doesn’t that mean she can see herself possibly fvcking you?


That isn't 100% true. Some women let the man lead and don't ask much . Some don't even talk much. Means Sh#T on a 1st date. I have had quiet women jump my bones fast and talkative women with lots of questions ghost after saying how great I am. It is all relative.


What happened to those women?


You have to be able to relate to the person before you can get physically intimate with them.

Ok, you sound like a women there. Please go pick up your man card , I think you dropped it. For most men sex is good in itself as a physical act. The question is will it be good , great or bad sex.


I was thinking more along the lines of you need to make the woman feel comfortable. Maybe some men also need to feel comfortable. What do you think performance anxiety is about?


P.S. were you raised by a single women and in a home with other women?(sisters,etc) . If so ..it explains a lot!

I have an older sister who kind of lead me growing up - no brothers. Maybe that’s why I don’t mind if a woman takes the lead and I value equality in a relationship more than most people.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 125
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Posted: 4/8/2019 10:19:50 AM

July had sex with a guy she didn’t even find attractive just because he took her to an upscale restaurant and paid the bill.

First, she's not at all representative of "girls". Second, she had expressed empathy for the guy... plus, personally, I think she was feeling frisky at the time (a social no-no). It will take away the inner 'guilt' some gals can have -- you want some 'other' reason why you did the deed, other than just feeling frisky, when that guy knowingly wasn't that attractive.

Much like some guys, when hooking up with a Very unattractive woman in college would always blame the "beer goggles", even though sometimes you kinda knew beer goggles weren't Really that much in play. You want a cover for it.

This guy must have known he could never score with real attraction, so he dished out the money.

No. That would only apply if he offered to pay her to cum back to his place, when on the date. I'm assuming he figured there was at least some actual attraction on her part, with him Getting the date and her saying Yes.
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