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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Get it out of your head fool      Home login  
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 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 26
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.Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

Did you even read his post?

Skimed it, like I skim most peoples posts LOL. But his threads seem a bit beta to begin with so I really SKIM fast.


He contacted her through the provider. Through her work. Inappropriate and creepy.

Oh, like I said, I thought it was from some type of interet social media,etc. Regardless of what type of internet media, you put up personal info and you dig your own grave so to speak,

Inappropriate and creepy.


More embarrassing than anything else. Then again someone sending flowers to work , like they do on tv, is wrong IMHO.


As someone who is supposed to be former LEO you should know this is not okay in any way.

But it isn't illegal if he asked and someone gave him. The offense is the co workers who give that info. Now if he lied to get that info that is wrong.
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 27
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/27/2019 4:56:31 PM

I was hoping for at least a blow-off


Sounds like a bit of a niche thing, you can't expect her to be into the same things as you 😂
 MeramecRiverRat
Joined: 10/12/2017
Msg: 28
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/28/2019 10:24:25 AM
If you're in this situation again, have a pleasant, natural conversation from the beginning. If you ask open-ended questions, she can work in the fact she's in a relationship, for example she might say "we" went to the hockey game. "We" means "My husband and I" or "My boyfriend and I".

Good looking people are probably accustomed to people liking them, and have plenty of practice being polite at letting people down easily, giving them closure, etc. Or, if she is interested, she's probably figured out how to show interest, for example writing her number on a card or receipt.

If you do go for it, better to try sooner. The longer you wait, the more likely she's solidified the equivalent of a "friendzone" view of the customer. Also there's less of a chance to build up unrealistic fantasies or to overthink. I'd rather show my interest without thinking about what I'm doing, for example the first time I see her, I unconsciously give her a look of approval, or the second time I see her she's wearing something appealing, she can tell I approve.

The nice thing to do is be considerate to anyone in a captive audience situation. But nice guys finish last. So pursue the situation, but not rudely.
Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/29/2019 8:11:01 AM
You used a portal designed to facilitate your MEDICAL treatment to solicit a social interaction.

Do you not realize the position that Health Care providers are in with today's Privacy regulations, HIPAA, etc. ??
On top of the ignorance associated with your behavior, you showed a complete disregard for the level of professionalism she is required to maintain.
For someone who is (supposedly ) a practicing LCSW, you seem utterly clueless about how everyday life works in the healthcare field.
I wouldn't be surprised if the "transfer" was her idea to relieve herself of an inappropriate level of interest on your part.

Ick.


I won't see her again.


Don't worry ... there's always the Hearing for the Restraining Order.




I think the only thing you might have accomplished here is encouraging her to be more cautious in the parking garage when she's leaving work.

True dat!
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 30
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if it wasn't for inappropriate and creepy, what personality traits would we have to shine? :)
Posted: 4/29/2019 9:17:51 AM
"do you guys not have any clue of what's appropriate? do you not understand boundaries?"

>>>whoa...wait...so you mean, when Tom Cruise bursts into a room of women who don't want him there, to declare "you complete me"...that wasn't romantic? or when in every chick flick the hot male lead stalks the woman to the airport or train station to profess his love publically...that's not romantic? well, then why do ladies watch that crap?

:)

on a more serious note, we're back to the original posters comment:

"Yes, hearing her say yes would help."

and just what is it supposed to help. even if he gets a date with her, if he's just dating her to help out something in his life that he should be fixing all on his own...the relationship's doomed to fail. and he's always going to chase people to fill this hole, regardless of how it looks to them. he'll be too focused on helping himself to even notice.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 31
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.
Posted: 4/29/2019 11:33:44 AM

I think the only thing you might have accomplished here is encouraging her to be more cautious in the parking garage when she's leaving work.

That's why he should have said, "And if you're not interested in meeting up for fun some time, don't worry. I am Not going to get super upset and break anything. You are Perfectly Safe in the parking garage at night! I am Not going to be hanging out there to catch up with you to make sure you got my message! I swear!"

More embarrassing than anything else. Then again someone sending flowers to work , like they do on tv, is wrong IMHO.

Depends on how he worded it, yeah. If he ended it with "If you ever hang out on [x/y/z] part of town, send me an email (email-addy). Thanks again!" -- it wouldn't be creepy. They purposely have a pathway to say something to those that helped them, to give them their shout-outs to. But I'm not sure he said it in the most ideal way. :)

Like sending flowers to work, it's romantic and awesome if they think you're hot; it's creepy if they aren't at all attracted to ya.
 wood_smell_as_sweet
Joined: 2/20/2019
Msg: 32
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/29/2019 11:49:20 AM
norwegianguy456, it doesn't matter how he worded it. His asking his former occupational therapist out was inappropriate and it would be unethical for her to accept his offer. She still works in the same hospital where he's a patient, even though she was reassigned to another department. Its not the same thing as a man sending a woman flowers to her workplace.
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 33
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/29/2019 12:33:39 PM

That's why he should have said, "And if you're not interested in meeting up for fun some time, don't worry. I am Not going to get super upset and break anything. You are Perfectly Safe in the parking garage at night! I am Not going to be hanging out there to catch up with you to make sure you got my message! I swear!"


I'm just praying that he doesn't take your advice seriously 😁


norwegianguy456, it doesn't matter how he worded it. His asking his former occupational therapist out was inappropriate and it would be unethical for her to accept his offer. She still works in the same hospital where he's a patient, even though she was reassigned to another department. Its not the same thing as a man sending a woman flowers to her workplace.


I don't think it is necessarily wrong to approach someone romantically wherever they work, provided it's not done in such a way as to make them uncomfortable and impact upon their responsibilities towards you.
However, I think that you would have to be given reasonably clear signals that it is mutual before you create a potentially embarrassing scenario for yourself and said person.
If it was a genuinely mutual attraction then why should some workplace rule get in the way of love
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 34
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/29/2019 12:48:33 PM
She likes him that much she didn't make a fuss about having not to see him again when being reassigned.


I don't think it is necessarily wrong to approach someone romantically wherever they work, provided it's not done in such a way as to make them uncomfortable and impact upon their responsibilities towards you.


I'd see no issue if it was a fellow co worker asking her out for a coffee. However, He is classed as a patient.
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 35
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/29/2019 1:26:10 PM

She likes him that much she didn't make a fuss about having not to see him again when being reassigned.


Yes I picked that much up by what he was saying, and I don't agree with the approach he took, as I said I think you would have to be sure it was mutual.


I'd see no issue if it was a fellow co worker asking her out for a coffee. However, He is classed as a patient.


And this is my point. Everybody talks about 'the one', that person they seek where an instant connection is made, I guess it does happen but most of us know it isn't exactly commonplace.
Soooo, what I'm saying is if two people felt that way who's gonna let a job rule get in the way, or why should it?
Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/29/2019 1:27:59 PM

However, I think that you would have to be given reasonably clear signals that it is mutual before you create a potentially embarrassing scenario for yourself and said person.


Yes, *some* semblance of interest on her part would have made the scenario acceptable, but I have a feeling she didn't show an ounce of it here.
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 37
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/29/2019 1:39:40 PM

Yes, *some* semblance of interest on her part would have made the scenario acceptable, but I have a feeling she didn't show an ounce of it here.


Yes the phrase "punching above your weight" seems to come to mind here, that's the impression I got.
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 38
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/29/2019 1:44:50 PM

Soooo, what I'm saying is if two people felt that way who's gonna let a job rule get in the way, or why should it?


You wouldn't if it was reciprocal, but it isn't. She done a Ben Johnson lol.
she is paid to be nice and he should know better. She could be a right arseh0le out of hours for all he knows :)

It makes me think of this video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhuYIr1J1zc
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 39
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/30/2019 11:23:54 AM

or someone who is (supposedly ) a practicing LCSW, you seem utterly clueless about how everyday life works in the healthcare field.


Don't know about that but most Psychologists and LCSW are nut jobs themselves. I been to a bunch of them "professionally" (in my former occupation you can get sent to one just for talkign back to a senior rank) and what they have in education they lack in common sense. A large % of my fellow students in my masters program were going on to get their PHD, and they weren't all there either. Neither am I !!!


Like sending flowers to work, it's romantic and awesome if they think you're hot; it's creepy if they aren't at all attracted to ya.

True m but it still can be embarrassing for a corporate women who doesn't want her private life mixed with personal life.


, it doesn't matter how he worded it. His asking his former occupational therapist out was inappropriate and it would be unethical for her to accept his offer. She still works in the same hospital where he's a patient, even though she was reassigned to another department.

Not sure it matters. Like NG said it all comes down to "interest level". I personally know guys who were treated by MD's and ended up marrying them. I know cops and firemen who dated and married women that they met and interacted in some way. It is legal! TBH often women report stuff ( real or made up) just to meet the cop! Unethical is when special treatment is given.In the above case if he never sees her as a client again the patient client relationship ends(in 12 months in some states). That being said it seems the above could be a potential stalker situation since most wouldn't want to be contacted socially by a professional portal.

p.s. I wanted to get back an answer your post in the other thread about things guys can say but can't post because of the "2 in last 10 rule" lol
Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/30/2019 11:32:09 AM

Like sending flowers to work, it's romantic and awesome if they think you're hot; it's creepy if they aren't at all attracted to ya.


Only a complete moron would send flowers to a woman who has shown no sign of being interested.
 wood_smell_as_sweet
Joined: 2/20/2019
Msg: 41
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/30/2019 12:07:30 PM
"p.s. I wanted to get back an answer your post in the other thread about things guys can say but can't post because of the "2 in last 10 rule" lol"

adventurejoe70.......here's your chance to give me an example of what you mean by negging being part of the dating game. Inquiring minds want to know and all that good stuff. 😉
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 42
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/30/2019 12:15:17 PM

p.s. I wanted to get back an answer your post in the other thread about things guys can say but can't post because of the "2 in last 10 rule" lol


If you copy the message "in order to maintain the highest......" into your message you can bypass the rule.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 43
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/30/2019 12:22:38 PM
oh it doesn't work for me..strange.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 44
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/30/2019 12:48:25 PM

His asking his former occupational therapist out was inappropriate and it would be unethical for her to accept his offer.


Considering the word "former"......

Does that work the same for all professions?

Like no one can ever ask out or accept date offers with regards to people such as your former CPA, or the person who installed your dishwasher, or the mechanic who fixed your transmission?

Now we just HAVE to ask out complete strangers only?
 wood_smell_as_sweet
Joined: 2/20/2019
Msg: 45
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/30/2019 1:04:22 PM
"Considering the word "former"......

Does that work the same for all professions?"

fullmoonguy2, no, but it could apply to a situation where the therapist still works in the same hospital where he's a patient. There is a chance that she could get reassigned back to his rehab department. That would be pretty awkward. There's an old saying......."Don't s**t where you eat." It makes a lot of sense in her situation.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 46
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 5/1/2019 2:16:11 AM

norwegianguy456, it doesn't matter how he worded it. His asking his former occupational therapist out was inappropriate and it would be unethical for her to accept his offer.

According to him, he wasn't asking her out on a date. Again -- my example, IMO, wouldn't be inappropriate -- less invasive than chasing them down on Facebook and friend requesting them. How fitting & how inappropriate would depend on how they bantered and such during the course of it. By default, if you don't want to step on any toes, yeah, best not to. But you got to crack a few eggs if you wish to fertilize one some day, am I right? ;)

Only a complete moron would send flowers to a woman who has shown no sign of being interested.

In a setting like his (therapy), and them both interacting where he's had enough time to evaluate whether there's some -- I agree, to go that far. But, a guy being a moron or not, it's seen as romantic & sweet if said gal has (an underlying or not) thing about him. In this case, assuming she gave no signs of interest at all -- he'd be a moron to assume he'd be in that boat.

I personally know guys who were treated by MD's and ended up marrying them. I know cops and firemen who dated and married women that they met and interacted in some way. It is legal!

True. So many people will talk about how it's bad to make a move on a co-worker, but, sorry to say, it's a huge resevoir for LTRs. And many say you shouldn't approach a stranger and spark conversation with them and flirt, but, those things result in Dating as well. And there is no interest to go on in those situations (although no established void-of-interest assessment either).

But I think the key is to build things up thru rapport -- and getting a sense of any Potential interest as it goes. You "move" things into "pre flirting" by some little things said, and get a feel, etc. You asses, and then make a more-than-friends move like suggesting to hang out some time, etc. It may be right then (due to one-time engagement with them), or in OP's situation, over time.
Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 5/1/2019 3:44:07 AM

Either way, I am a little disappointed. I didn't fall asleep last night until about 4:00 am, because I was thinking about what would happen if I saw her today, and I am disappointed I will probably not see her again.


I forgot to address this, but I will now. I'm not going to be melodramatic enough to say you have any intent of actually stalking the girl, but a statement like this is precisely what sets off the "creepy" alarms for any woman reading it. You shouldn't be *that* emotionally invested in a woman you don't know on a personal level.

Not to mention, not having the balls to show interest in person and relying on email to exude your boldness does you no favors in giving the impression you have confidence.


In a setting like his (therapy), and them both interacting where he's had enough time to evaluate whether there's some -- I agree, to go that far. But, a guy being a moron or not, it's seen as romantic & sweet if said gal has (an underlying or not) thing about him. In this case, assuming she gave no signs of interest at all -- he'd be a moron to assume he'd be in that boat.


I'll take it a step further and say a guy who buys flowers for a woman he hasn't actually dated yet is an idiot, even if the woman has shown interest. He will be the same guy complaining months later that she expects to be showered with gifts just for having a vagina. It's a monster of his own creation.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 48
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 5/1/2019 6:20:51 AM

True. So many people will talk about how it's bad to make a move on a co-worker, but, sorry to say, it's a huge resevoir for LTRs. And many say you shouldn't approach a stranger and spark conversation with them and flirt, but, those things result in Dating as well. And there is no interest to go on in those situations (although no established void-of-interest assessment either).


My brother is married to a co worker. At one time the corporate offices HERE, actually encouraged dating among co workers because of increased productivity. New age of social media might have changed that.

I always use the "don't sh#t in your own backyard line" but TBH traditionally most people dated someone they new and lived close to.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 49
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 5/1/2019 12:25:35 PM
It's not uncommon to get feelings for your therapist. They are being attentive to you, listening to you and helping you. And if you never get other women doing that for you, it can ignite those pleasure sensors in your brain. I wouldn't recommend ever asking your therapist out though. There's a reason there are rules against that. I know its not the same thing but when I was a bartender I would get asked out a fair bit by guys I had zero interest in (if I had been interested in them I probably would barely have talked to them). Guys would take my friendliness and attentiveness and willingness to listen to them as a sign I was into them when really I was just doing my job. And then it would make things awkward and cause me to be less friendly to them.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 50
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 5/1/2019 5:04:32 PM

I always use the "don't sh#t in your own backyard line" but

... it's quite natural to sh!t in your own backyard, and it's quite natural. I think we tend to focus on the drama that has happened with that, but also forget that dating itself has drama + dating someone from work/school/etc happens A Lot without drama too ("Oh yeah, aunt Sally got porked by uncle Jimbo from their workplace...").

Not to mention, not having the balls to show interest in person and relying on email to exude your boldness does you no favors in giving the impression you have confidence.

I believe fear is what makes one not do that. Many don't understand the difference between organically showing interest when conversing with someone over time -- VS on Day 1, blurting out that they want to go out with them. This is where "game" comes in (context of "having game"). Learning 'game' so-to-speak helps disarms oneself of feeling so much fear. Makes it easier.

I'll take it a step further and say a guy who buys flowers for a woman he hasn't actually dated yet is an idiot, even if the woman has shown interest.

I too don't think that is the pathway for solidifying interest of a gal he's accurately read some interest off of. It's a classic example of Grandma's Advice that Mr Nice Guy believes to be true by what is perpetuated out there... VS what actually works. Even to gals who lean more on Grandma-type advice, while having disdain about guys (in general) in the dating scene.

In the opposite direction, an example would be coming up to gals in public places as a stranger, and blindly talking to them. Some gals express disdain to that notion (with all-too-often sh!tty guys doing it) -- but in reality, it works when the guy executes it comfortably/strategically + she finds him at least reasonably cute.
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