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 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 3/1/2019
Msg: 51
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cancelled 2 hrs before the datePage 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Do you really have a case?
What colour is it?
Is it leather?
I just can’t imagine you carrying one :)

YES.....goal boys!
 CroydonGirl
Joined: 4/2/2019
Msg: 52
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 7:53:54 AM
Huh??
Oh and to the last poster lol.
Im in contact with other guys anyway so certainly i aint gonna be waiting for him thats for sure.

So the interest automatically decreases if we aint treated right or courted. We dont want to just accept crumbs.
So your theory is a bit bs sorry
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 53
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 8:01:18 AM

Correct, but brace yourself, Joey, you know the naysayers are coming. But here we are looking at the proverbial proof in the pudding - this guy has obviously *not* shown *too much* interest in the OP, and here she is *still* interested. Frustrated, a little angry, and contemplating what to do, but STILL interested.



Well it just isn't "politically correct" to call it a game or to say most relationships are based on selfish self interest or that human being manipulate and exploit each other ..regardless of the proof. The sh$t tests might even be done unawares by those doing it because there are decades of reading magazines and listening to friends TELL them how it should be...it becomes ingrained
On one hand those who aren't aware of the game being played makes it easier for the rest of us but on the other hand they can actually make our life harder since they create unreal expectations. That is why I give advice for free and don't charge a nickel like Lucy did!

PS:you really wanna make a gal go crazy do even more odd unexpected behavior!
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 3/1/2019
Msg: 54
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 8:05:48 AM
^^^well gal yes....grown women? Gets way too boring way too fast :)
C’mon ladies.....back me up ! :)
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 8:11:17 AM

Huh??
Oh and to the last poster lol.
Im in contact with other guys anyway so certainly i aint gonna be waiting for him thats for sure.

So the interest automatically decreases if we aint treated right or courted. We dont want to just accept crumbs.
So your theory is a bit bs sorry


You haven't completely written him off, though. He's still a candidate, obviously.
 CroydonGirl
Joined: 4/2/2019
Msg: 56
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 8:11:25 AM
Guys don't listen to these fools above.
If a woman doesn't see genuine interest in the first couple of dates, normally she will bail.
She may give one more chance for unforeseen circumstances but that's about it if they cancel once.
If personally i don't see the conversation is flowing via text and in person and i see a lack of effort in the first 3-4 dates, normally i cut contact
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 57
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 8:13:25 AM

it's a test. They're engaging in it to see whether the guy actually has a LIFE outside of her or not.


Exactly, I would imagine not many girls would want to go out with a Billy no mates. If you're reasonably popular and well liked it is helpful to her as it validates and justifies her interest in you further.


I'm not saying don't show interest. I'm saying don't show TOO MUCH interest.

Oh, and whether anyone likes it or not, dating is a game. I'm sorry if this shits on any Disney-like fantasies one may possess, but it's true. There are right moves, wrong moves, and tests. Always. However, it's always up to the individual to decide what "rules" they're willing to adhere to.


Thankfully somebody sees my point. I didn't mean it as a game in a negative way like you're trying to deceive them in some way or pull the wool over their eyes. It's all good because you're making efforts to win their affection because that is your end goal, we all do it whether we realise or not, even on a subconscious level.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 58
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 8:19:12 AM

^^^well gal yes....grown women? Gets way too boring way too fast :)
C’mon ladies.....back me up ! :)


Well, one would hope that with maturity , one has learned to cope by getting themselves out of unproductive cycles that cause a waste of time..or is boring ! Or at least they are in therapy :P.

As for the OP calling Pig' theory B,S or as the Brits say "Bollocks", that is far fetched. An exclusion doesn't make a theory unproven nor ones conscious recall of ones own behavior, in hindsight, to say the least. Nor was it Pig' theory. This absurd push/pull by BOTH genders has been well documented in psychology because after all we are just human. It is for things other than dating as well.

That being said we have had threads in the past where a women actually was "chasing" a guy she didn't actually like that much. I suspect it is similar to guys with their ego's??
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 8:27:14 AM

Guys don't listen to these fools above.


Yeah, don't listen to me. It's not like I have any experience or a good record of not royally f*cking up in the dating world.


If a woman doesn't see genuine interest in the first couple of dates


I believe I clearly stated a guy needs to show SOME interest.
 SomewhereInTheStratosfere
Joined: 4/1/2018
Msg: 60
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 9:34:52 AM
{quote]You're taking me out of context, I was referring to the poster who said this...

I took nothing out of context. This is what was said.

spectravision said

Well, maybe because adults don't play games and straight to the point about their intentions MR Amatuer.


You said


Only the desperate and needy do that


If that wasn't what you meant to infer just say that and own up to it. Don't try to blame me for your poor choice of words.


Most would agree if you really like somebody you have to keep your emotions in check in the beginning stages so as not come across too keen and perhaps make them back off a little.

They went out on ONE date. What type of emotions would you have wrapped up in someone at that point that you would need to keep them in check. People make things way more difficult than they need to be. If you like someone and want to see them again, say so. Then follow thru like you mean it. If you don't, don't play games, just tell them.


All this talk of players and the game reminds me of high school. Most women I know don't tolerate players or do they respect men who play games. Sure, there are some women who enjoy being treated like crap, the crappier you treat them the more they like you. There are also men like this. Who in their right mind would want to get mixed up with someone like that. Toxic dysfunction probably isn't a real deal maker for most people. I treat people how I want to be treated. Nothing more, nothing less, and they always know where they stand with me.
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 3/1/2019
Msg: 61
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 9:34:53 AM
^^^thank you :)

Lol Joe....we don’t do therapy over here, just have a good word with ‘oneself’.


It's not like I have any experience or a good record of not royally f*cking up in the dating world.

Well Pig, we only have your word for it, that requires faith in us believing you :)
Sorry, I couldn’t resist the faith over fact predicament :)
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 62
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 9:36:39 AM

Im in contact with other guys anyway so certainly i aint gonna be waiting for him thats for sure.


Up to this point, you were waiting and clearly bothered. Why else would you have started this topic?
 wood_smell_as_sweet
Joined: 2/20/2019
Msg: 63
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 9:43:53 AM
CroydonGirl.....the best strategy is to mirror the man's behavior. You should never show more interest in a man than he has shown in you. If he backs off, then you back off equally. Dating should be like a tennis match. If someone drops the ball, its game over. Leave the court.
 CroydonGirl
Joined: 4/2/2019
Msg: 64
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 9:45:42 AM
Because this incident was a bit weird as well as his behaviour after that.
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 9:52:36 AM

Sorry, I couldn’t resist the faith over fact predicament :)


I never expect anything less than wisenheimer responses from you, FoxyMoronic. :)~


Well Pig, we only have your word for it, that requires faith in us believing you :)


Yes, but compelling evidence exists on my phone.


I didn't mean it as a game in a negative way like you're trying to deceive them in some way or pull the wool over their eyes.


Unfortunately, the negative context is all some think of when the word "game" is mentioned. Acknowledging dating as a "game" is merely recognizing there is a strategic element to it all. Everything we say or do is for a desired effect. There are words and actions that produce results and there are ones that will dig your grave for you. It's that simple. There's no getting around it.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 66
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 10:55:50 AM

Most women I know don't tolerate players or do they respect men who play games.

What in the name of Hades? The Game isn't referring to a conscious decision by men to screw over women and give high 5's, like in high school, I think that was a different game. It is actually the "games" women play and your so called "women you know" probably play them or not. How would you know?Are you sitting on their shoulders during their interactions with men? Only guys can determine if a women is in fact "playing games with them". So in context we are talking about "female game players", but men players exist too obviously. I would say it is nurture over nature.



Joe....we don’t do therapy over here, just have a good word with ‘oneself’.

My people drink a bottle of vodka, and then talk to ghosts. Not always in that order though!

That being said isn't OP from your side of the pond? As a lady, and a fellow citizen, I certainly hope you would keep those from your side of the pond in line.

If a male member called women "foolish" on here they would be crucified and I would be holding the cross too. Doesn't she realize that if we had a moderator like we used to, she could get banned for calling members "fools" when she starts a thread just because she doesn't like the advice, opinions,etc of those responding? If everyone acted so uncivil this forum would crumble to pieces since there are A LOT of diverse opinions here, and one opens themselves up to criticism when they start a thread.Off Topic is for the uncivil. I mean this fool was paid to be combative for a living and from the city with the most combative people on the planet are born , and even I, am able to remain civil.

DISCLAIMER:If ONE posts for advice: YOUR going to get some ,and THEN SOME MORE. No need to tell "others not to listen to us fools"(another violation of etiquette). It is taken for granted that OP's can ascertain what advice they will take to heart, or not. We aren't infants here, well most of us aren't. As one fool to another: that date dodged a proverbial bullet IMHO based on the reactions displayed here. Just Saying...

Because this incident was a bit weird as well as his behavior after that.


Actually it is unfortunately VERY common. We learn that in Psych and here's a different take on it below:
Link to Push/ pull dynamics:
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-pushpull-relationship_b_8241126


Yes, but compelling evidence exists on my phone.

Actually, compelling evidence exists in this thread, sort of, depending on how you look at it. You complemented OP early on in the thread(lol I know your moves sly pig), and in response she rejected most of what you said and called you a FOOL(when it is obvious your a pig). If that isn't a possible example call us foolish!
 CroydonGirl
Joined: 4/2/2019
Msg: 67
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 11:09:49 AM
Well you do insinuate that women in general want this foolish behaviour you describe from men , like a bunch of bimbos.
No thanks.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 68
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 11:20:18 AM

Well you do insinuate that women in general want this foolish behavior you describe from men , like a bunch of bimbos.
No thanks.


We insinuate nothing of the sort. Reality trumps wishful thinking. It is just the observed behavior that plays out. Women do the same thing. Read the article I linked? Men get accused of being clingy when they respond certain ways, as well.

The bigger question is"do people do it consciously or is it unconscious habit?". I would say it is a little of both, to be honest ,and mass media, and social circles contribute. It wouldn't surprise me if "HE" learned what he did from past experiences that went negative and then read or listened to advice from his close "guru's". It is unfortunate for all involved. I don't have time for games, they want drama... they can join a drama club.
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 11:20:18 AM


Well you do insinuate that women in general want this foolish behaviour you describe from men , like a bunch of bimbos.
No thanks.


The thing is, you really shouldn't be this rattled over someone you went on *one* date with, but it obviously gnawed at you enough to compel you to post about it. On top of that, you still have him in the running despite exhibiting shady behavior.

You're doing all of the work for us here.
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 70
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 11:27:00 AM

I took nothing out of context.


I didn't mean you took my literal WORDS out of context, I meant you took the CONVERSATION out of context.
I initially mentioned games in the context of a relationship and you and spectravision immediately attached negative thoughts to the idea, as if I in some way was suggesting play games with them, string them along, be disingenuine etc.
As MANY others in the thread have recognised there are certain kinds of rules of engagement when you're first getting to know someone, certain no no's don't talk about your ex etc
but I'm sure you know that already and maybe wanted to let some steam off?
If I can introduce a hypothetical situation as an example. He suggested adults don't play games and get straight to the point. Can you imagine if you met your date and your first thought was
"Oh my God, you are so perfect for me, I love everything about you, your personality, the way you carry yourself, shall we get married,
I want you to have my babies etc etc"
C'mon be realistic, how do you think that would go down?
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 11:33:01 AM

"Oh my God, you are so perfect for me, I love everything about you, your personality, the way you carry yourself, shall we get married,
I want you to have my babies etc etc"
C'mon be realistic, how do you think that would go down?


Women eat this crap up by the spoonful in movies, believing it's what they want for themselves, but when it's thrown on their plate in the real world??

Eh, not so much. It sets the "creepy" alarm off.
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 72
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 11:43:47 AM

He suggested adults don't play games and get straight to the point. Can you imagine if you met your date and your first thought was
"Oh my God, you are so perfect for me, I love everything about you, your personality, the way you carry yourself, shall we get married,
I want you to have my babies etc etc"
C'mon be realistic, how do you think that would go down?


That wasn't and isn't what I'm saying. It flew and still flies right over your head.

WHOOSH!!!!!
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 73
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 11:46:05 AM

Women eat this crap up by the spoonful in movies, believing it's what they want for themselves, but when it's thrown on their plate in the real world??

Eh, not so much. It sets the "creepy" alarm off.


Haha....high five there brother!✋
 SomewhereInTheStratosfere
Joined: 4/1/2018
Msg: 74
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 11:56:04 AM

Unfortunately, the negative context is all some think of when the word "game" is mentioned.

Please, don't make the mistake of thinking I'm stupid. Whenever someone uses the phrase Hate the player but don't hate the game, then goes on to make a statement like this

PS:you really wanna make a gal go crazy do even more odd unexpected behavior!

This isn't strategy, this is game playing. straight out of players 101. What the hell is such a foreign concept of treating someone with respect and honesty. I don't get it. Perhaps I just respect men too much to try and manipulate them with this sort of crap. It goes back to having the courage to be honest. Some have it some don't.


{quote]There are words and actions that produce results and there are ones that will dig your grave for you. It's that simple. There's no getting around it.
Whats wrong with just being yourself rather than trying to figure out what words are going to work with someone and what ones are going to dig you that grave. Nothing I hate more than having to watch my every word around someone for fear of offending them. I'm me, I'm not going to put on a false front to please someone. If they can't take me as I am, I prefer to find out sooner rather than later. No way will I pretend to be someone I'm not to please a potential partner. There really isn't any strategy involved in being honest with people and treating them how you want to be treated. Unless of course it really isn't in ones nature.
 Million_Reasons
Joined: 10/23/2018
Msg: 75
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 11:59:26 AM
Mr. Pig...

"Acknowledging dating as a "game" is merely recognizing there is a strategic element to it all. Everything we say or do is for a desired effect. There are words and actions that produce results and there are ones that will dig your grave for you. It's that simple. There's no getting around it."


Holy Jellybeans!

There a strategy to the dating game? What is it??? Dang, I'm not good at strategic games.

And...where the heck do I get the "words and actions" list? Walmart got it?

I knew I was doing it all wrong...guess that's why I'm single. :((
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