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 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 76
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cancelled 2 hrs before the datePage 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Dating is absolutely a strategy game as far as I'm concerned.
People constantly second guess what someone meant, dissecting words and putting emphasis to either suit them or to give a reason why it's not going to work. Silently disappearing instead of saying, thank you, but we're not a match or whatever...because there is a fear they will have to explain WHY you're not a match or the person opposite will have a hissy fit or get angry with rejection.

Lying about looks hoping to improve with personality. Being on guard about what you're saying so as not to be construed as insensitive, or a bore and then having to continue the charade because when the mask falls off you're accused of lying about intent or end goal. Should I call back right away...wait 3 days...if I don't call soon enough is it too late?

There are some things people do on dates that absolutely turn others off...there's a whole thread on it.

I don't play games anymore. If I like someone, they know it. If I don't ...they also know it. I am who I say I am, I say what's on my mind, I don't hide or play guessing games. I don't let things I don't like pass with an apology...people my age should know the difference between right and wrong, and if you're saying something just to test me, you've already failed.

I will say I think most of the game playing is online...must go with the smorgasbord affect. All you can eat buffet as it were...if this bus doesn't take me where I want to go, there will be another bus right along.

I stick with real life.
And honestly, I'm single because I like it and I want to be.
Not to say I wouldn't change my mind, because I'm always open to new things and nothing stays the same, but I'm totally comfortable where I am.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 77
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 12:23:07 PM
CroydonGirl you want to know what happened? He hit your triggers he did everything right on the first date and you were swooped. He had you and you had him then a mistake he didn’t immediately set the tone and location for the next date instead left it hanging. Next time talking rather than keep to the plan going forward you took that out of his hands by setting the location. He became disinterested after that point right up to it everything was good. When you took that you failed his test on what he wanted and he hasn’t been the same since and you are dictating how it goes forward in the process you lost him. He should actually tell you that he is no longer interested or the other option he is trying to deal with losing setting the tone, weighing in factors like can he handle being with a lady who will take that role.

Knowing the mindset a lady I dated acted the same way as you once but I am negotiable on dating, so we compromised on it. When she started to insist taking more I backed off and thought it through ended it. Your actions may have been a test and since he really liked you makes it that much harder he knows things won’t work but damn he just wants to tap that once before he goes.
 SomewhereInTheStratosfere
Joined: 4/1/2018
Msg: 78
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 12:31:59 PM

I meant you took the CONVERSATION out of context.

I took no conversation out of context. Nice try at backpedaling though. Oh, and don't forget, people here can read. If you are going to post, at least own your posts. That's about as flimsy as the don't hate the game guy, who didn't mean that kind of game. Sorry boys, I was born at night, but it wasn't last night.



That wasn't and isn't what I'm saying. It flew and still flies right over your head.

WHOOSH!!!!!

He knows that wasn't what you meant. He just won't own up to his own poor choice of words. That's why he is clinging to Pigs post like a life preserver.


Women eat this crap up by the spoonful in movies, believing it's what they want for themselves, but when it's thrown on their plate in the real world??

Well, that was a huuuuuuge generalization.


Eh, not so much. It sets the "creepy" alarm off.

Most men are smart enough to realize when they are crossing the line into creepy.
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 12:33:48 PM

What the hell is such a foreign concept of treating someone with respect and honesty. I don't get it.


At what point did I suggest not being honest and respectful? I'll wait.


There really isn't any strategy involved in being honest with people and treating them how you want to be treated.


Yes, there is. The conscious decision and plan to be "honest and respectful" or even be a deceitful piece of shit qualfies as implementing a strategy.


And...where the heck do I get the "words and actions" list? Walmart got it?


No, my dear. I'm sorry. It's a Pigs-R-Us exclusive.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 80
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 12:40:23 PM

Please, don't make the mistake of thinking I'm stupid. Whenever someone uses the phrase Hate the player but don't hate the game, then goes on to make a statement like this


No one thinks your stupid, but you are showing a gender bias. Every comment out of you has been "men playing the game"," men being the players". Perhaps you aren't getting the FACT that women are in the game and causing men a lot of grief. All my comments were actually directed about women game playing since I am not gay and can't say with experience what game men are playing with you guys. But I have seen women play!


PS:you really wanna make a gal go crazy do even more odd unexpected behavior!

This isn't strategy, this is game playing. straight out of players 101. What the hell is such a foreign concept of treating someone with respect and honesty. I don't get it. Perhaps I just respect men too much to try and manipulate them with this sort of crap. It goes back to having the courage to be honest. Some have it some don't.


Actually , if someone was to do that and it WORKED that is the very definition of strategy. If women were acting themselves , without outside influence then NO strategy would work. The above working just proves there is a game being played. But what does crazy mean? If it means she falls head over heels ..isn't that a good thing? Aren't both looking for that? If it is to make her crzy that she ends up needing 3 therapy sessions that week..then I gues you have a point though!
Strategy :a plan of action or policy designed to achieve a major or overall aim.

Men since beginning of time have had to make the "move" so of course they have to pick up skills. They are being themselves since it is learned skills. Perhaps if women were more assertive men could be less so?

I agree with everything you said afterwards, but your disdain for Manipulation is too simple, it is too psych 101 and not level 501 , so to speak, and I mean no offense with that statement. Manipulation is part of life. Children manipulate parents , parents manipulate children. My cats manipulate ME! Go ask any psych professor!

Manipulate: control or influence (a person or situation) CLEVERLY, unfairly, or unscrupulously.
I capitalized CLEVERLY, because that isn't such a bad thing, and life isn't fair. But believe it, or not manipulation can benefit both. My father manipulated me to do what he thought was best for me. It was win/win because it made me successful but it sure was controlling.
If a guy dresses up, buys you flowers, and sweeps you off your feet..he is MANIPULATING the situation, but it is in a way that benefits both parties, and perhaps for a lasting love!

Don't mistake that all control is bad. It depends on how it is used. I controlled people with the power of the gov't for their own safety. Was I manipulating?YES. I was manipulating to achieve my goal , which just happened to be in their best interest. But it is true it can be used selfishly where ONE party doesn't benefit. That is where common sense comes in!

P.S. I know KJ agrees with me at approx. 99.65% because she has studied the skills herself!

Whats wrong with just being yourself rather than trying to figure out what words are going to work with someone and what ones are going to dig you that grave. Nothing I hate more than having to watch my every word around someone for fear of offending them.

I hope your a parent because I expect parents will say that and it is ethical thing to say!But in the real world people need to improve their social skills to succeed. Social skills are not something we are born with and sadly isn't really taught in school or even at home. The school of hard Knox, so to speak, if where we learn these things. But who says they are not acting themselves? IMHO that is a flawed statement.
If someone learns a skill..that is now THEM. We become more than what we were as we acquire skills, wisdom, experience, knowledge. We all can't remain the innocent(manipulative?) 8 yr old's that we were(I taught 3rd grade for a yr..them little..). Again having a skill isn't necessarily bad. It is how it is used that defines that!


Nothing I hate more than having to watch my every word around someone for fear of offending them.

Well I am doing that as I type this. As Captain America said" I am just a kid from Brooklyn". I assure you us "Brooklynites" have to filter 90% of our potty mouth when talking to outsider not to sound like Trump LOL. But watching what we say is showing etiquette. We are social animals.
Based on the above logic, by the way, Dale Carnegie should be hanged for writing one of the most famous and effective books in the world.."how to win friends and influence people". If I was "myself" and didn't read that book my dates would probably sound like "I AM groot"
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 81
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 12:54:09 PM

I took no conversation out of context. Nice try at backpedaling though. Oh, and don't forget, people here can read. If you are going to post, at least own your posts.


Well you obviously have a problem understanding 'stuff'.
Of course people can read and the majority have said pretty much the same thing, only from their own perspective.

What am I backpedaling at exactly? Do tell.
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 82
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 1:07:22 PM

He knows that wasn't what you meant. He just won't own up to his own poor choice of words. That's why he is clinging to Pigs post like a life preserver.


I know. Let him cling to it :)
 CroydonGirl
Joined: 4/2/2019
Msg: 83
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 1:13:46 PM
Err he asked me to choose the location?
 CroydonGirl
Joined: 4/2/2019
Msg: 84
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 1:18:06 PM
I think your imagination is flying too high
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 85
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 1:20:47 PM
hmm. Interesting. You know despite all the "advice" here, he could be interested. I forgot to add earlier that at the end of the day NONE of us know him so we can't say for certain what his "deal" is.
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 86
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 1:37:26 PM

I forgot to add earlier that at the end of the day NONE of us know him so we can't say for certain what his "deal" is.


Yeah, It's pretty much a guessing game. All I know if I had to cancel a date with a lass I liked I would be calling her on the phone to explain. It's a different age now with texting, though ;/
 SomewhereInTheStratosfere
Joined: 4/1/2018
Msg: 87
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 1:38:13 PM

At what point did I suggest not being honest and respectful? I'll wait.

Where did I say you said that? I'll wait.


The conscious decision and plan to be "honest and respectful" or even be a deceitful piece of shit qualfies as implementing a strategy.

Making women go crazy by doing odd unexpected behavior is game playing. It's a form of manipulation to get a desired result. No matter what hairs you want to try to split, this isn't acceptable behavior and something to be emulated or proud of in my book. If that is anyone's strategy they really need to deal with their issues before they ever even consider dating. There are plenty of strategies to handle your dating life that don't require playing games and trying to second guess someone.

I still don't get what is wrong with being honest? If you want to date someone, date them. If you don't, don't. If you want to know whether the guy is jerking your chain, come out and ask him why he didn't text you about cancelling the date. Instead of participating in odd and unexpected behavior, why not just open your yap and say what's on your mind


No one thinks your stupid, but you are showing a gender bias. Every comment out of you has been "men playing the game"," men being the players"

I'm not showing gender bias at all. I haven't seen any women post about playing games and participating in odd behavior to manipulate a man. YOU did that, that's why I brought it up in the first place.


Perhaps you aren't getting the FACT that women are in the game and causing men a lot of grief.

I'm sure they are. I didn't say they weren't. Guess what? You can't control anyone's behavior, only your own. I'm just wondering why people can't just articulate what they want without all the added bullchit? If I have to change to fit in someone else's world, it won't happen. I don't expect them to change to fit into mine either. It's either going to happen or not, but I won't play games and jump thru hoops with someone and I don't understand people who do. I give men one chance to screw me around, then they are GONE. No game playing required.
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 88
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 1:49:05 PM

I know. Let him cling to it :)


I don't need to cling on to the user pigs post, as I said earlier most posts have echoed similar views, so why would I need to?

Besides aren't you meant to be ignoring me?

Post 31

I will completely ignore you from now on.


Not exactly a man of your word are you, how would that look in the dating game.
 SomewhereInTheStratosfere
Joined: 4/1/2018
Msg: 89
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 2:04:13 PM

Yeah, It's pretty much a guessing game. All I know if I had to cancel a date with a lass I liked I would be calling her on the phone to explain. It's a different age now with texting, though ;/

He's playing her like a piano. Interested men act interested. They certainly don't forget to text you to cancel the date. Oh wait, maybe he's using the weird behavior strategy. That's certainly a real gem to set your sites on. LOL
 Million_Reasons
Joined: 10/23/2018
Msg: 90
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 2:14:21 PM
"P.S. I know KJ agrees with me at approx. 99.65% because she has studied the skills herself!"



Lmao! I think the percentage might be a wee bit lower, Joey, and esp. in this area. :)

Strategy, game playing, rules....all have a conscious intent to manipulate....conotation...I don't think that is necessarily the best approach to seek or establish a relationship.

All bets are off after love is established. I will admit to intentionally "shaping" my late husband's behavior on a couple of occasions. But I tried to be consciously aware NOT to manipulate emotions. ;)
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 91
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 2:22:14 PM

I'm not showing gender bias at all. I haven't seen any women post about playing games and participating in odd behavior to manipulate a man. YOU did that, that's why I brought it up in the first place.


Agreed, but they DO IT! My own mom played games with my dad! I wrote what I did because:
1. It is the reality. I don't sugarcoat
2. To back up Pig, because he IMHO is right. Women will often RUN when I guy tries hard and then chase when he retreats. I wish they didn't do that often , but they do and it is game playing. Men come up with strategies to deal with it. Chicken or Egg..I don't know which side started first!
I also consider it game playing, personally, when a women has a RULE about having sex. If she isn't ready that is fine but if she has a 30 day rule because she read that in Readers Digest, to me that is game playing. Or men have to call in 3 days not late or sooner or he is needy. These are all games IMHO.

As for odd behavior..women do many behaviors that manipulate men. Wanna see the photo's in sex bikini's, topless pics, micro skirts with legs wide open that I have seen and have gotten? I see it as part of competition and an acceptable manipulation.

quote] I'm just wondering why people can't just articulate what they want without all the added bullchit?
Agreed. I am not dating guys so I can only admit women are not direct as they could be IMHO.


If I have to change to fit in someone else's world, it won't happen. I don't expect them to change to fit into mine either.

Change and compromise can be good. It is an individual mandate .Same as ethics and morals..we each decide what is appropriate or not. IMHO life is too short to reject human nature so I put up with some things but those are things I can compromise on. I don't believe in hell, I live to get the most out of life I can. If one is a parent I understand one has to think differently, I respect that. Perhaps that is why I never wanted children?

If you don't, don't. If you want to know whether the guy is jerking your chain, come out and ask him why he didn't text you about cancelling the date. Instead of participating in odd and unexpected behavior, why not just open your yap and say what's on your mind

Agreed but plenty of times we hear silence or worse elaborate lies that waste our time. Ill tell you a story that I remember when I was younger. I was at a club meeting my father and his domestic partner. I was in my "cool" clothing and walking around the place and as i walked around i saw this hot brunette who smiled at me and blushed so I go over , chat her up, we dance a bit and I get her number(found out she lives near me). I was kind of beta back then, found out she always wanted to go to Botanic garden and took her there. The date went pretty decent. After the date she tells me she had a good time and to call her again. I try make a date for the next week, she is busy and tells me try the following week. Again she was busy. I even said to her , if she doesn't want to let me know but she kept assuring me she did. It was finally left to me to take the HINT! This is game playing and WORST..A waste of my valuable time. Anyway , then it gets more ODD. A few weeks later my Cuban friend has a friend getting married and his wife's friend, a hot red headed Mexican needs a date because she wanted to go. Well guess who was at the wedding working there? The club girl. She then wanted me to call her because she has "time" all of a sudden because she saw me having fun with a hotter gal than she was. This is game playing nonsense. What is worst is at that club that night after she left an older gym teacher started hitting on me and wanted to know how close I live(wanted sex obviously) and I wasn't that interested because I wasted too much time dancing with the first gal that played games.

So yeah I developed strategies since then , because if I didn't my head, little head, might influence my decisions. After that I try a girl ONE time if she is busy and leave it in her court and I don't turn down sexy gym teachers!:). But my strategy isn't to play a game it is to have a set of rules that I follow so I make rational decisions that aren't emotional decisions. Kind of like not drinking and driving.
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 92
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 2:44:20 PM

I don't need to cling on to the user pigs post, as I said earlier most posts have echoed similar views, so why would I need to?


Of course you are :) They don't need to because they can explain themselves fine.


Besides aren't you meant to be ignoring me?


I broke my silence as I referred to your post before to point out it's went over your head, and I had to respond to your sad pathetic excuse of a made up scenario trying to worm your way out painting cr@p in another way. Funny to watch.

My other post was to Miss Strat.

I really think all here know what I meant about being straight to point.

Half finished my script that will remove your post and thumbs from view just like you don't exist :) Go me! and thumb already gone. I'll debug it more when got time :) Oh it will be perma trust me!


Not exactly a man of your word are you, how would that look in the dating game.


Whats replying to a kermit on a forum got to do with me having, and acting with integrity with Women and keeping my 'word' in the dating game lol. Absolutely zero as you don't matter one bit.


He's playing her like a piano. Interested men act interested. They certainly don't forget to text you to cancel the date. Oh wait, maybe he's using the weird behavior strategy. That's certainly a real gem to set your sites on. LOL


If I'm interested I'm not quiet on the day of a date. Not overdoing it either just reciprocal knowing for both of us its still on and looking forward to it. Leave the chatting until we meet :)

If I'm not interested, Anymore. Then I'll just tell them. The lady might not like it but, they can respect me for it.
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 93
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 3:05:36 PM

Of course you are :) They don't need to because they can explain themselves fine.


Says the bloke who misunderstood at least a couple of threads this week and started hurling insults before he realised he was in the wrong lol.


Half finished my script that will remove your post and thumbs from view just like you don't exist :) Go me! and thumb already gone. I'll debug it more when got time :) Oh it will be perma trust me!


I really have no idea what you're talking about here, but it sounds like it's keeping you relatively happy. Can anyone explain?
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 94
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 3:16:04 PM

Says the bloke who misunderstood at least a couple of threads this week and started hurling insults before he realised he was in the wrong lol.


That was the week before lol.

You don't even know what week it is...

Enjoy Palm. They always been good to ya ;)
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 95
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 3:27:55 PM

Enjoy Palm. They always been good to ya ;)


My memory serves me well enough to remember that you often mention masturbation in your posts, and here you are confirming that for me.
How sad.
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 96
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 3:36:56 PM
I've mentioned socks 3 times max on the forum for a laugh.

Hate to break it to you but the world masturbates lol. I know your exception to the rule since your hand shuns you just like women.

Shots fired. Ice burnnnnn!

I'll leave it alone now. You really not worth the posts.
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 97
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 3:38:03 PM

That was the week before lol.

You don't even know what week it is...


And actually I would say the 13th and 15th would constitute being within the last week lol.



In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread.
Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 98
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 4:00:16 PM

And actually I would say the 13th and 15th would constitute being within the last week lol.



It constitutes you being a shit stirrer on the dates you posted and really shouldn't go off last post dates on a thread. God, you are gormless :)

Chris and me sorted our shit out in profile reviews on the 5th of April. I deserved his pop. I respect the guy.
https://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts16749953.aspx

The other lad asked for a ladies advice which was on the 9th where he said not to be rude but he'd prefer a ladies advice.
https://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts16750805.aspx

You tried your hand at being a sh1t stirrer in Chris thread where I politely told you not interested.

I only come back to said threads because you opened your shit stirring gob after those dates I posted above.

Thus, More than a week by far. You really are SMH tackle

I own my posts. You can't little boy :)
 SomewhereInTheStratosfere
Joined: 4/1/2018
Msg: 99
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 4:09:11 PM

but they DO IT! My own mom played games with my dad! I wrote what I did because:
1. It is the reality. I don't sugarcoat
2. To back up Pig, because he IMHO is right. Women will often RUN when I guy tries hard and then chase when he retreats. I wish they didn't do that often , but they do and it is game playing.


You think women are immune to this shit. mentally stable people WALK away from people who aren't treating them right. They don't manipulate and game play. I'm in the "If you don't like the smell of shit, don't invite it into your life" camp. Hence the one opportunity to feck me around mantra. Believe me, I don't sugar coat either.


Agreed. I am not dating guys so I can only admit women are not direct as they could be IMHO.
Are You sure this is what most men even like? I'm very direct, when my date asks where I want to go to dinner, I tell him exactly where and have a tendency to order for us, right down to the wine. This seems to spook a lot of men. I'm not about to change though, I'm not exactly the woe is me, helpless wallflower, and won't pretend to be. Sometimes, I think men prefer more meek and mild women. Maybe they are easier to manipulate. I don't know. If I could figure men out I'd probably be remarried. LOL


As for odd behavior..women do many behaviors that manipulate men

So what? The only persons behavior you are responsible for is your own. If you want to live in a tit for tat , even the score world, that's fine. Just don't use others bad behavior as an excuse for your own. The only person YOU control is yourself.
YOU decide how YOU treat people.


Agreed but plenty of times we hear silence or worse elaborate lies that waste our time


women aren't immuned to this either. We've all been screwed around and hurt at some point in time. I don't make future dates pay for the sins of past mistakes. Well, I did once. It is a regret I live with till this day, I'm a quick learner though, I don't usually make the same mistake twice. At the end of the day, I'm the one who has to look at myself in the mirror. Being the type of person who plays games with peoples emotions and manipulates them for my advantage, is not the person I want to see looking back. I prefer the honest route, it's a little rough on the bystanders sometimes, but that is the person I choose to be.
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 100
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/19/2019 4:13:05 PM
You really don't need to post all your bulls**t links, unlike you I remember things I've said and done, that way your bulls**t can't catch up with you and hit you in the face like yours does dumbass.


Hate to break it to you but the world masturbates lol.


And I hate to break it to you but I don't think you have the intellectual capacity to date many chicks from here. If you think that making posts about w***ing is "a laugh" then it suggests you're a bit childish and that you probably make for very shallow company.
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