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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > cancelled 2 hrs before the date      Home login  
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 wood_smell_as_sweet
Joined: 2/20/2019
Msg: 153
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cancelled 2 hrs before the datePage 7 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
TPOYDIH, I'm not arguing that point at all. That kind of odd and unexpected behavior from a man might work on me if I had shaky self-esteem. Fortunately for me, I don't fall into that category.

 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 154
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/21/2019 11:41:18 AM
It's like that old childhood game counting down the clock blowing on a dandelion
he loves me....he loves me not...he loves me....
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 155
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/21/2019 11:44:08 AM

It's like that old childhood game counting down the clock blowing on a dandelion
he loves me....he loves me not...he loves me....


Or let the girls make you a daisy chain necklace as a kid.

We called Dandelion's Pee the beds. Guess adults didn't want us near them :)
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 156
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/21/2019 3:44:14 PM

Oh, and for the record, I have ZERO respect for players. If any of my male friends lead a woman on with promises of commitment when they know their intent is just sex, I will be the first to tear them a new as$hole, as I have many times. If sex is all he wants, he needs to say it. I've stated this dozens of times in my posting history.


Girls complain about guys using them for sex, but sex is awesome! Start ****ing when he uses you for laundry, or as a human shield.
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/22/2019 7:40:06 AM


TPOYDIH, I'm not arguing that point at all. That kind of odd and unexpected behavior from a man might work on me if I had shaky self-esteem. Fortunately for me, I don't fall into that category.


I don't think there's necessarily a connection to self-esteem in every case. I've known many women chock full of self-esteem who simply have a penchant for roller-coaster relationships. With women in general, I still stick to my idea of "show me a woman getting everything she ever wanted from a man, and I'll show you a woman who's eventually bored out of her damned mind."

Hell, even in my last relationship, my ex eventually complained about us never fighting. I'm not kidding.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 158
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/22/2019 7:51:04 AM

This is just the odd and unexpected behavior Joe was referring to, and the fact the original post was even created serves as proof it works in a lot of cases. I didn't see Joe claim to actually be a proponent for it.

I have been slow to write due to the fork in my eye! No I am not a proponent of it. I have lots of skills , knowledge..doesn't mean I am a proponent of it. For example I have a firearm, trained to hit center mass(shot that kills) doesn't mean I go around shooting people. I know the technique to hunt and stay alive but am an animal lover and don't hunt! What sets us apart from the savages is what we do with what we know, or our abilities.

That kind of odd and unexpected behavior from a man might work on me if I had shaky self-esteem. Fortunately for me, I don't fall into that category.

Fortunate for you, and NICE if you say so. The best manipulators manipulate without anyone realizing it. Self esteem of any level can't protect 100% against that since everyone has social needs. Hitler manipulated a whole nation!
That being said, I do appreciate your acknowledging dating as more of a game than dancing in vernacular coined. The way you explain it is similar to the push/pull that I mentioned earlier.


Girls complain about guys using them for sex, but sex is awesome! Start ****ing when he uses you for laundry, or as a human shield.

That is hilarious. I think women mean that when they were expecting more based on actions/promises, and it wasn't delivered, therefore the women feels she was used because she wasn't having sex with the guy without those expectations.I agree that is bad, a promise is a pact. That being said, if both like sex and there wasn't any expectations based on other promises , one can say they both used EACH other. Most relationships are based on people using each other(friendships,etc). We don't hang around in relationships that we don't get satisfaction from. Your human shield analogy is a good example though lol.
Now California has some weird laws on the books(full of weirdo's too!). In California Voluntary intoxication may negate consent
If you have sex with an individual who voluntarily consumes enough alcohol and/or drugs and there is a sexual encounter, prosecutors could charge you with Penal Code 261 PC date rape. The problem with this law should be obvious. The level needed to be considered intoxicated could only be a few drinks, and furthermore shouldn't both be accused of raping each other since in most sexual encounters while drinking both parties are EQUALLY intoxicated? Of course, but this law , no doubt, has been created to be used against men since men are very unlikely to feel shameful after sex with a women and report her. Got to be one of the most unfair, entitlement orientated laws ever made. I wonder how many millions of us wouldn't be born if these laws existed though out the ages, since alcohol has been present in much of acts of passion.

Example:
Wedding night. Groom carries bride to the bedroom to consummate the marriage. Both are a bit tipsy. Did he rape her? Did she rape him? It comes down maybe to whomever reports whom first. A lot of domestic disputes I have investigated came down to whom initiated the report.
 wood_smell_as_sweet
Joined: 2/20/2019
Msg: 159
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/22/2019 10:44:26 AM
adventurejoe70, the main way I might be manipulated is if a man just flat out lied to me about his intentions. I don't think any of us, man or woman, is immune to being lied to because none of us can read minds. Having said that, there is certain disrespectful behavior that I refuse to tolerate. Canceling a date at the last minute without rescheduling it is just one example. It shows me that the man thinks my time is less valuable than his.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 160
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/22/2019 3:36:40 PM

He did apologise many times and said he wants to make it up to me

It is questionable that he only told you after you hit him up for a "last minute" change, 2 hours prior. That said, he could have easily been "riding the line" on whether he could make it or not, and unwisely didn't notify you of it earlier in the day. That said, would it have made much of a difference if he did? If he texted you a couple times after that on how his chances were (not looking good), leading to the same thing 2 hours prior to give the final axe? Meh, not by much if anything. Butt, these things do happen -- and even though he didn't handle it the best, he did apologize profusely, and...

he is texting me every day while on holiday and says he wants to see me.

... there ya go. He has interest. But he used his "pass" already. Sure, he could have a gal he's kinda-dating who gets higher priority (or GF) -- or work screwed it up (which does have legit higher priority).

He said to get together when i come back from holiday which to be fair sounds a bit vague.

It's not vague at all. But I think it feels/seems vague to you, as you're understandably wanting More than the normal "solidity" from the guy about the next date -- because things fell thru with him the last time. But putting everything into context -- he texts you every day when You are away on holiday -- and apologized tons off the bat. Just see where things flow. Don't be shocked if things fall thru again, don't be shocked that he's willing to meat up this next time.

But there was something also i didn't talk about in the beginning of this thread.
Before i went on a first date with him, another guy approached me on the site, same age, same area, also single dad.

This guy, asked to talk on the phone where he asked me out before i go on holiday and we said to set up a day and a time, but i never heard from him after that.

I don't understand the motive for that situation for any benefit. And you already met him. SPOILER ALERT: Guys will say some of the same "lines" to girls. I know, I know -- it's secret info. Don't tell anybody. ;)

What is funny is that you are like a female NG.

Okay, okay -- fine! I admit it, yes, I have a small pen!s! But I'm not female, I swear!! ;)

You are nitpicking specific lines that you find significant that I actually don't find that important to be honest.

Oh, you didn't put a comma after "female". Phew. Oh, see? It was my LACK of nitpicking that cost me that misunderstanding! :)

Agree, you are taking to the choir but the fact ones needs a strategy in the 1st place is because of the games. But we use the term game and you use term dance. Talk about splitting hairs! It is more mainstream to use word that dating is a game. There are talk shows, books, etc all using that term.

There's two contexts of "game" when applied to the dating scene. There's the general "dating game" (neutral) -- and then there's one "playing games" (negative). Also, if someone exclaims in their profile "I DO NOT PLAY GAMES!" -- they play games. Just not anyone else's. :)

Men use the game analogy. Who is to say the term dating is a game is wrong?

I agree. Playing the "dating game" doesn't mean you're "playing games" on someone. But unlike a dance, you're using strategy to garner their interest and to have things unfold the way you'd like (if applicable with them). Maximize your successes. We apply "game" to it, because there are (sub-culturally variable) "rules" to it, and one is trying to maximize successes. Many Don't think of it that way though -- or at least Only think of it that way when things are going awry. However, for guys -- they're asked to chase/court/win-over the gal. The word "game" Certainly does apply to it, when he is. It's only more like a "dance" when no one's trying to win over the other in any way, and just flowing with it... whether out of apathy Or quite the contrary -- there's a big spark off the bat where no "strategery" comes to mind or is applied.

I don't think any of us, man or woman, is immune to being lied to because none of us can read minds.

And because we cannot read minds, we may not want to 100% rely on our "gut" to come to the conclusion that the other Is in Fact lying to us, when we have lack of knowledge and can only go by what they say. But there are of course times where we can pretty much validate it, and not relying on patterns (stereotypes).
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 161
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/22/2019 10:48:09 PM

Girls complain about guys using them for sex, but sex is awesome! Start ****ing when he uses you for laundry, or as a human shield.

That is hilarious. I think women mean that when they were expecting more based on actions/promises, and it wasn't delivered, therefore the women feels she was used because she wasn't having sex with the guy without those expectations.I agree that is bad, a promise is a pact. That being said, if both like sex and there wasn't any expectations based on other promises , one can say they both used EACH other. Most relationships are based on people using each other(friendships,etc). We don't hang around in relationships that we don't get satisfaction from. Your human shield analogy is a good example though lol.


That’s not my original joke - I actually stole it from a site that posted funniest tinder profiles, and it was from a woman.
 dynamicones
Joined: 2/7/2018
Msg: 162
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/23/2019 8:41:28 AM
ALWAYS next. I've been technically single (not married) for 20 years, been stood up 3 times in all that, twice I figured it out a few days before the actual date that now wasn't going to happen and simply invited someone else on the date (communication was lost so I saw no reason to tell them they'd been replaced), the 3rd time I simply went out and found someone else anyway. ALWAYS next
 CroydonGirl
Joined: 4/2/2019
Msg: 163
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/23/2019 8:50:17 AM
I dont usually treat people as disposable items.
But, you can give only so many chances.
If the other person, doesn't act accordingly then yes, next.
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 164
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/23/2019 2:06:14 PM

I dont usually treat people as disposable items


Feel free to treat me as one 😀


p.s. So what's the lowdown, have you guy's arranged a second date?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 165
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/23/2019 9:24:36 PM

ALWAYS next.

Many times this is a defensive sour-grapes thought to sooth the ego -- when one's being actually "Next'd" themselves.
 CroydonGirl
Joined: 4/2/2019
Msg: 166
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/24/2019 2:35:03 AM
Well the lowdown is, I am backing off.

Throughout my holiday we have been texting, and he mentioned many times to hopefully meet soon when i am back.

I told him i would be back from holiday yesterday, when he texted me in the morning and he said that he thought i would stay longer, asked him if he was working and said he took 5 days off because his dad is in the hospital and said to speak when im back.

Of course i said that i hope its nothing serious and also that i hope he is ok.

So I continue to talk with other guys and if he wants to go out sometime, he will text.

I am not gonna wait under no circumstances
 wood_smell_as_sweet
Joined: 2/20/2019
Msg: 167
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/24/2019 9:06:17 AM
His dad's hospitalization is an interesting new development. He must have mentioned to you in previous conversation that his dad was sick. Yes?
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 168
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/24/2019 9:10:17 AM
^^ I was thinking another excuse..
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 169
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/24/2019 9:19:33 AM
msg#168:
^^ I was thinking another excuse..


+1

Ya, when they pull the 'close friend/relative is in hospital' card you know it's DONE.
Stick a fork in it~
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 170
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/24/2019 9:28:23 AM

Ya, when they pull the 'close friend/relative is in hospital' card you know it's DONE.


For sure. He must've only have only got to page 1 of 'most popular excuses for not being available'.
 CroydonGirl
Joined: 4/2/2019
Msg: 171
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/24/2019 11:36:55 AM
Well well..he is the one that texted me..
Btw the Irish guy continues contacting me on pof fron a fake profile after i blocked him and on whats app with a new number.

I blocked him there too.

Plenty off freaks!
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 172
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/24/2019 12:00:39 PM

Well well..he is the one that texted me..
Btw the Irish guy continues contacting me on pof fron a fake profile after i blocked him and on whats app with a new number.

I blocked him there too.


Just because someone contacts you doesn't make their stuff any more believable. You keep on hanging in there. You're the common denominator with these Men.

You're only seeing what people normally hide ;)


Plenty off freaks!


A little song you'll enjoy :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Uee_mcxvrw
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 173
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/24/2019 6:11:27 PM

I am not gonna wait under no circumstances

When you go out on a date with anyone -- you're not going steady or close to it. Even if you're texting some consistently. It shouldn't impede you still exploring the dating field with dudes, any more than you never talked to the guy. Whether his dad's in the hospital or not; whether you have another date lined up or not. Whether you think he's shy to meet you again or not.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 174
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cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/25/2019 12:35:48 AM
why not wait until you return from holiday and let him know you are back.
 CroydonGirl
Joined: 4/2/2019
Msg: 175
cancelled 2 hrs before the date
Posted: 4/25/2019 1:45:23 AM
I did already tell him i would be back.
Yesterday in fact we talked again. He says how sexy i am commenting on a pic of me poledancing (for fitness) and he said he is looking forward to see me again. I said me too I want to see him.

I asked him about his father etc out of courtesy as well. In this case i cant do anything else.
As I said above, I am talking to other guys too.

But I believe 2 things are more likely happening here:
1. He is in a relationship still with his baby mother and stringing me along, so he lied
2. He was already consistently seeing someone else before meeting me and he hasnt cleared up his mind

Otherwise i dont see why a grown adult would say so many times he wants to see me but not making any plans.
Even with multidating i dont believe this behaviour makes sense.

Anyway, thanks all for your support.
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