Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 kittenhere
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 903
view profile
History
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?Page 38 of 40    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40)
Rockon, Doesnt sound like that man would know true love if he tripped and fell over it. Be glad he is gone. It is funny how a man can tell a woman that he only thinks of her but is with another woman. The Stupidity of some men is jsut unreal. They cant possibly think we are that stupid.
 panamaican
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 904
view profile
History
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 12/15/2008 7:47:42 AM
I'm not condoning cheating but most of the marriage and family therapists out there say that you can love someone and still cheat on them. It's a matter of whether or not you feel that your partner is meeting your needs in the relationship. If the person you're in love with is neglecting something you need (sex, conversation, emotional support, etc.), it's not uncommon for people to fill that void with another person. Unfortunately, filling that void with a member of the opposite (or same) sex creates the danger of an emotional connection that can lead to sex.

So yeah, you can love someone and cheat on them. But you owe it to your relationship to identify what you think you're partner is neglecting and make them aware of it. If they can't provide you with it, then either learn to live without it or move on to someone who can provide, cheating is only a temporary salve. And you owe it to your relationship to make sure you're meeting your partner's needs so they don't have to make a connection with someone else to be completely satisfied emotionally.

Of course, some people just cheat because they can and there isn't a durn thing you can do about it.
 kittenhere
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 905
view profile
History
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 12/15/2008 7:53:21 AM
but most of the marriage and family therapists out there say that you can love someone and still cheat on them.

"LOVE" someone and being "IN LOVE" are two different things. of course you can love someone and cheat on them but if your IN LOVE iwth them there is no way on God's green earth you can cheat on them. panamaican, your post reminds me to never ever pay a therapist for their advice. I have always said they were useless and your post just proved it.
 lonesomerick
Joined: 1/23/2008
Msg: 906
view profile
History
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 12/15/2008 12:41:23 PM
I made a mistake in my marriage, call it an indiscretion. Well, it came out and we talked about it, actually seemed at the time we were growing a part. That was 19 years into the marriage. Well, she died, we were married almost 38 yrs. Of course there are other things I wish I had done, but that one haunts me! I've sworn never to cheat on anyone, and I haven't. Won't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No matter if you say you're sorry and things go on. After they die you can't say it anymore, even if you wish you could.
 Bablynbrook
Joined: 11/18/2008
Msg: 907
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 12/15/2008 12:59:57 PM
If you are truely in love with someone than you would always want to protect them. You wouldn't want anything to hurt them. Obviously cheating is one of the most hurtful, selfish things that a person could do. This is not quantum physics. If you are selfish enough to cheat than you don't really love the person you are with, whether you admit it to yourself or not.
 RockOn!
Joined: 8/2/2007
Msg: 908
view profile
History
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 12/18/2008 6:59:13 PM
Being in love with someone is pure..
It is invincible
That love cannot be altered by anyone or anything
If he or she is cheating
They are NOT in love
 Bethany2911
Joined: 5/21/2007
Msg: 909
view profile
History
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 12/18/2008 9:28:42 PM
I personally couldn't and wouldn't have any urge to cheat on the person I love. Hell I couldn't even cheat on a person I wasn't really into if that was the case. Cheating is for the insecure beings that don't know what love is or what they have. They confuse love with infatuations and selfish wants (or what they call needs). Of course for some, they cannot handle being with someone that's normal, happy, and settled with themselves that they degrade their nature more and cheating is a good example of that type of insecurity.
 anchors
Joined: 12/4/2008
Msg: 910
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 12/19/2008 2:14:05 PM
That's not true love to begin with if you cheat on someone. That's just plain wrong.
 MaxPfieffer
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 911
view profile
History
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 12/19/2008 6:15:02 PM
"CHEATING"........
Cheating implies intent, deception, cruelty.
Firstly, monogamy is a creation of society. Granted it's been around for a long time and it's accomplished exactly what it was intended to, creat a stable society. It's even built into the bible for reinforcement. If man (both) were not mogonamous, or guided in that direction, we'd still be living in mud huts. Way to many distractions. It is what a stable society is built on.
However, it's not a natural state.
If you lived a thousand years, you could not love all the good people deserving of your love. and you of theirs.
Only you can determine what's in your heart. If, in you heart you are deeply in love with someone and you meet a person that you have a connection with you should pursue it. Souls recognize kindred spirits and that's a rarity. This doesn't mean that sex is neccessarily involved, that's just part of the encounter if it is though. This doesn't mean that you leave ur love. Each person you feel that connection with will contribute something different to your life.
I speak of this more in a spiritual sense than a sexual one, although it can all become intertwined.
This is not the same as leaving your girlfriend, wife, love, and going out bar hopping looking to "score". Now that's cheating. Intent.
 RockOn!
Joined: 8/2/2007
Msg: 912
view profile
History
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 12/19/2008 6:29:54 PM
how sad that you "socialilze" being in love...
to academics ....
we must be speaking of a version of love you aren't familiar with.
We are referring to that internal connection that one finds with another
and is fulfilled by that.
LOVE as you speak of can fluctuate with an ebb and flow..
IN LOVE is lasting, can withstand all the wars and fires and anything else manmade.
 WhereIsElvis
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 913
view profile
History
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 12/19/2008 6:40:48 PM
Sure you can if you're a selfish, self-centered, disrespectful, dishonest, cold-hearted person.....next question?
 Ensomcrescendo
Joined: 1/19/2009
Msg: 914
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 3/7/2009 12:34:15 PM
Fidelity and love are too separate things. Infidelity is a hurtful act, so loving someone can help resist the temptation to cheat. I respectfully disagree, also, that "you cannot love someone without trusting them." Love generally does not work that way. The funny thing about love is that it happens when you least expect it - even if the object of your affections is a cheat. Sometimes the only thing you can do when you find yourself falling for someone who is ultimately bad for you, is to completely cut contact with that person before you become overwhelmed by the desire to be with him or her.

On the other hand, an act of infidelity requires the premise of an express (implied, in some cases) covenant between too people. Cheating on someone means breaking a convenant with that person- which is a dishonorable act. It is respect that keeps us from dishonoring another person. Thus, it might be more appropriate to say that you can't cheat on someone you fully respect and honor. Similarly, a self-respecting person will not allow his or herself to stay in a relationship with someone who is unfaithful.
 freesoulck
Joined: 2/2/2009
Msg: 915
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 3/7/2009 4:19:27 PM
I am not sure. We are all liars in a sense, more or less. We may have genetic proof that the cheaters actually prevail in the long run. I am not saying honest people are at a risk of extinction. But historically cheating people has been in a great advantage. Cheating, yes, you can do it for a while, maybe a long while. But to keep it for the whole life is not easy. It will backfire in one way or another. The judge is yours.
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 916
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 3/7/2009 4:33:57 PM
The dictionary defines cheat/cheating as deceit, fraud ,dishonesty, deception. If someone realllllllly loves someone they also respect them enough to not want to hurt them. Cheating is different than having an open marriage where there are no secrets.
 jtwaters
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 917
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 3/7/2009 4:37:01 PM
"Truly in love" and a cheater...wow...thats absolute nonsense. I'm not starting a religious topic here; however, for example....that's like stating I'm going to knowingly sin for the rest of my life fully aware that I'm going to heaven. It just doesn't work that way.
 Confident247
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 918
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 3/7/2009 4:46:02 PM
I wouldn't cheat on someone that i love nor someone that i despise if i'm in a relationship i'm 100% faithful no matter what happens.
 mynamesnotjesus
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 919
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 3/7/2009 5:15:41 PM

Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?

Depends on what kind of love you are thinking about, and how you define cheat. I don't know why I put "you" in there as this is an old post.

Theoretically and ideally:
I always thought love was a depth of emotion entailing familiarity, truth, knowledge, trust, and acceptance.
Therefore you know if they are going to sleep with someone else and why through knowing their behavior and patterns or they flat out tell you because they trust you and are communicative. And if you truly "love" them can they cheat? Doesn't "love" mean accepting someone flaws and all, rather than physical ownership rights and guarantees of behavior?

I say things like this and people come back with things like "that's giving them permission to cheat, to sleep around, what about STD'S!" and similar stupid things.

People that "cheat" aren't nameless strangers you just happen to one day "decide" to love, even though it seems like that when the concept is posted on internet forums. They are real people you've had a relationship and enough time with to know deeply...if you were paying attention, using the time wisely, and communicating (talking & listening).

People select who they fall in love with. It's called dating. It's a slow selection and weeding out process. You read things (on forums, books, chat rooms), or hear from people about "falling for someone that wasn't my type or I ever considered dating," which is generally horse crap. People put themselves in familiar, and generally repetitive surroundings, and situations that fulfill ideas of their self image. This is still "weeding out" of certain people. You aren't weeding out individuals but general types.

Most people don't consciously select drooling, fiendish, sex maniacs to form long term relationships with. So most people (that cheat) aren't going to be actively and constantly looking to "cheat." If they were (drooling fiendish sex maniacs constantly looking to "cheat") would you really have gotten so far in the relationship to "love" them? I highly doubt it.

In other words there are deeper issues than "once a cheat, always a cheat" or that "cheating" defines a type of person or guy. So accepting someones flaws (cheating and all) seems pretty standard to the definition of "true love." And accepting someone means their "cheating" is more a component to their personality than a reflection on you as a person. Thereby acceptance is not permission or incentive for them to "cheat," but an understanding of why, for that individual.

If you "truly" love a person and they "truly" love you then STD's aren't really a scare as you trust they are concerned about their own health and considerate of yours to be safe. And if you "love" them and they "love" you then they KNOW how important avoidance of STD's are.

So my opinion is I cannot cheat on someone I truly love (and they truly love me) as it is a null, meaningless, concept within my definitions of love. It's comparing apples to oranges.

I, theoretically and morally defensibly, can have sex with another person while still truly in love (both people in the love relationship) as it entails her knowledge (if not cooperation, permission, and participation).

This does not mean I definitely will as we will have an established relationship and I will KNOW her and what effects my behavior will have on her and how best to be considerate of her feelings. And, theoretically, she will be considerate of my own.
 Gypsy~Road
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 920
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 3/8/2009 9:31:57 AM
Love to me equals trust..if the relationship is a healthy one,cheating is not an issue for me.If the relationship turns toxic..then anybody would be up to the possibility.It's simple..if you are wanting another...be kind and end the relationship you're in before you pursue that other.I have been cheated on...and it hurts like hell. I have also cheated and felt like trash...it is a sharp blade on either side.
 vrb1955
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 921
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 3/8/2009 9:35:49 AM
Nopoe .. I am the one they cheat on .
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 922
view profile
History
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 3/8/2009 10:30:23 AM
If you love someone but there is not a commitment then of course you can have sex with someone else. It may not be great sex but it might make you feel better about your desirability or make you feel like you are getting your needs met.
 GentleSoul009
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 923
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 3/8/2009 1:10:22 PM
This is to ask "Can you be truely in love with someone you have no respect for?"
If anyone asnwers yes then the words "truely" and "love" lose their meanings for me.

I can't cheat when in a relationship-- it's as much about self respect as respect for others. It'd feel dishonoring myself if I dishonored the person I choose to be in intimate relation with.

To the above Poster:
If it is an open relationship /without commitment, then it is not cheating to have sex without someone else- assuming you'd have nothing to hide from each other.
 anotherseeker
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 924
view profile
History
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 3/8/2009 1:47:14 PM

Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?


Nope.


"Can you be truly in love with someone you have no respect for?"


Nope.
 Tarika
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 925
view profile
History
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 3/8/2009 4:39:45 PM
I couldn't or wouldn't.... but I do know of others who have.
 MikeM1968
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 926
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 3/8/2009 5:46:36 PM
But you can be in love and in a committed relationship with someone who is not 100% your ideal too. So therein lies the rub.

Just because you've seen and/or become acquainted with women / men all your life that were what YOU wanted didn't always mean they wanted you. Many feel they still have that one type that they just need to experience, even if only sexually. Many would seize upon an opportunity if it presented itself regardless of their emotional attachment to another.

I'm just playing devils advocate here. To me - it's still cheating.

I have to put the *blinders* on when I'm in a commitment with someone and I can only hope she does the same. The old *foresaking all others* that's in those wedding vows applies.

Mike
 grizzly_bear
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 927
Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 3/8/2009 7:01:59 PM
you know what some of you people on this site think way too much. Look at it in mechanical terms. Some times it is just a pressure release. No feelings just getting off. What is the difference if you let a stranger suck your cack or you jerk off thinking about another women? Yeah yeah thinking and acting I know, but one leads to the other anyway.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?