Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 719
view profile
History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!Page 20 of 32    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32)

Unfortunately...ignorance of the Law ISN'T a defense...
If anybody's that concerned with it all they had to do was to Google it....

As I mentioned before...it's really not about personal opinions or "slippery slopes"...the Law is pretty clear...


Well the US doesn't have such laws and I'm not in Canada so really they don't apply to me. This is the internet, not international waters. If someone commits an crime like piracy in international waters, they fall under the rules of the country they're citizens as well as the country they're violating the rules of. So for example if Mexican drug runners are caught by the US Coast Guard, we detain them, seize the drugs and send them back to the Mexican Navy, they violated an Federal law but they're Mexican so they violated Mexican law as well. Other times the DEA will come and take them off our hands. I don't know all the details but I've seen both happen.

But this is the internet and from what I understand there isn't an contiguous zone nor is the internet considered an "flag state" I'm not interested in seeing in how this gets enforced on a message board that doesn't just deal with Canadians but all kinds of nationalities. What about sites like Youtube and Yahoo in which the comments sections are filled with morons and trolls who use hate speech all the time. The Twitter idiots who threaten to rape someone or wish rape on someone. What about racist groups like the KKK? Are their websites banned in Canada?

Like I said I'm not advocating hate speech but the law isn't something I would agree with it seems like it's something that can't be consistently enforced.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 720
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/12/2014 7:07:24 PM

WHY trying to figure out of a stranger got/read/deleted your e-mail is so important I guess I wont ever understand. I used to send out ALOT of messages to men. I rarely got a response. And to me, the silence meant "not interested." So I never gave the guy a second thought. Should I? These people are complete strangers, and half of them arent who they claim to be anyway.

I'll never understand this either. Once you send a message you move on with your life - why even continue to think about it? There is absolutely nothing constructive to analyzing why random strangers on the internet aren't interested in talking to you. It does nothing but prolong the whole thing and make it more frustrating than it has to be.

When I send messages I move on and forget about them. My inbox can keep track of whoever responds - why do I care about the ones who don't? Why would I insist that men who aren't interested drop messages in my inbox that I then am notified are there so I can find out they weren't interested and have to delete them? To me that's just a huge waste of time. If they delete it, or don't but let it sit in their inbox - who cares? Not interested is not interested in whatever form it comes in.

I will always say this. No matter what way a woman says no, it won't be the right way - the only right thing we can do is respond "there you are - I've been waiting years to hear from you". Any other option is too cold/harsh/quick/silent/rude/etc etc....I'd rather they just say "we don't like getting a no in any form" - that way at least we can stop trying to be polite about it.

It's true, and a bit frustrating. A lot of them I don't find attractive either. I just browse and send the first message to a guy I like. It's just easier that way, and I get what I want. I usually just ignore my mail.

If/when I saw someone I found interesting this was the best for me. Almost no one who messaged me was my type by default.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 721
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/12/2014 7:14:56 PM
Beyond that, WHY trying to figure out of a stranger got/read/deleted your e-mail is so important I guess I wont ever understand.


I got all kinds of verbal abuse..ranging anywhere from rather benign pouting to "thanks for the rejection" to detailed analysis of my supposed sex hangups, to people stalking me around different dating sites..asking me to explain in great detail WHY I am not interested in them, and those berating my sex drive and looks.


I guess I won't ever understand why people want to open additional emails from people they have sent a rejection email to already.
Already knowing ahead of time that in life, no sane person actually LIKES rejection, does anyone REALLY think they are going to get a KIND reply thanking them for the rejection? Why even open an further email from someone you have decided you want no further communication with?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 722
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/12/2014 7:36:09 PM

Already knowing ahead of time that in life, no sane person actually LIKES rejection, does anyone REALLY think they are going to get a KIND reply thanking them for the rejection?

A no thanks from a stranger you never met isn't "rejection" that's a bit of a strong word. And yes, I have had many guys thank me for being honest with them and wishing me luck - not all men lash out. The ones who do don't really bother me much either, tho. I just don't know why anyone would demand they get a response from an uninterested party - regardless of whether they send one back or if the response gets read.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 723
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/12/2014 9:27:14 PM
No..they dont all lash out. Some are cool about it and go on their merry way.

There was just too much of the other stuff...it happened too often. If it was just once in a blue moon it would not have become an issue.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 724
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/13/2014 6:01:56 AM


So because you lie, you assume everyone lies?


Non sequitur, ad hominem, straw man.

What lie? I never give people phony compliments. You lack credibility because you make up negatives about people. I don't believe the claims you make about RT or others. The only story I remember about RT is he stood up for himself after giving a girl a ride to an event, she was extremely disrespectful, so he didn't give her a ride away from the event. Good for him!


You have no right to insist that you get to talk to me no matter what, and that you get to punish people for not responding in the way they should.


Hypocrite. You seem to think you were entitled to speak to the elevator jacket guy and have him react the way you wanted, and then when he didn't, you wanted him punished by saying you expected other men to get back at him for you. And he didn't have the option of walking away (I didn't word walking away the way you did because I'm not a garbagemouth who drops F bombs on a regular basis).



This might explain a lot though... because I've had this theory that the ONLY reason the majority of guys interact with women is to try to have sex with them and that we should never take them at face value. Thanks for proving my point.


Confirmation bias on your part based on false premises. In reality, most of what men say IS at face value, and some women complicate things by creating their own reality, imagining things that aren't there.



My problems with MY dating experiences (and most of the women I talk to) are that they can't concentrate on what they want because inappropriate men with no common sense keep inserting themselves into it uninvited and insist on my attention... men who don't read the profile, men who read the profile and think that they're so special that I should make an exception, the men who send multiple messages with no reply, the men who tell me off for rejecting them (no matter if it's through being honest)

How can I control any of that? FFS, it was so bad at the beginning that my browser would crash before I could turn off the chat so I wouldn't get the popups. I had to literally ignore every message in my inbox for weeks.. while whiny azzholes decided that that only reason that I didn't reply to their "Hey sexi!" was because I'm a stupid f*cking loser sl*t who gets raped by bad boy deadbeats and deserved it. Oh and he really didn't really think was good looking anyway.

To make it even more clear. "Me no want to have sex with most men. Men try to have sex with me. Men get mad when I no have sex with them. Me no get to make choice, because men no leave me alone long enough for me to talk to man I will have sex with".


For some of the above, you actually stay on topic with the original point of the thread: women get overwhelming amounts of attention, often from unsuitable candidates.

Just because someone sends you a message doesn't mean they want to have sex. The women on these sites are just screens. Nothing is real until you meet. They send the message to determine if she might be a worthy partner. There might be some people with no standards who message everyone and immediately suggest hooking up, but most of the decent men on these sites won't even message you, so you're unaware of the countless good men who aren't interested. The good positive men won't bother messaging someone with extreme negativity.

As to being bombarded while "online now", I'm one of many guys who makes it easier for gals by suggesting taking communication away from the dating site, rather early in the messaging. You can control the "online now" dysfunction by communicating away from the site. Sometimes men get bashed for doing this: "he wanted to move to Yahoo Messenger, he must be a scammer!", "How dare he ask for my number!"

The forums are full of stories from women who have bad pickers, choosing the married man, player, romance scammer, etc. It's logical for the "nice guy" to shrug and think, "She made her bed by picking the creep, then she had to lie on it. She could have chosen not to go out with anyone, or she could have chosen one of the many nice guys who wasn't attractive / rich / tall enough. No sympathy for her!"
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 725
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/13/2014 7:07:01 AM
Bottom line is, because there are enough men online who are angry, miserable people who cant take no for an answer and who get hostile and abusive when you say thanks but no thanks. It can be said in the most polite of ways, but that doesnt matter. It was simply the act of rejection that causes the outburst.


I don't care about getting "No thanks" or no response to the first email when a woman isn't interested. However when I had 1-3 dates with a woman or we had discussed going out on date and a woman later changes her mind. Then I think it's good manners to be upfront with tact and tell the other person instead of ignoring him/her. That way (s)he will know and can move on sooner. If you get any type of backlash, then block that person. BTW some women ( and men as well ) told me that they got rude emails because they didn't respond.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 726
view profile
History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/13/2014 12:12:42 PM
I agree with south city, there's a difference between ignoring an message you receive on POF and actually meeting someone, going out on a date or two and then cutting off all contact with no warning, just straight up disappearing while the victim wonders what happened and what they did wrong especially if you do the "I had a great time, I want to meet again" routine, it's being a flake plain and simple and it's straight up disrespectful. As if their time doesn't mean anything at all, as if they're feeling means nothing but I guess they should go **** themselves, they were total strangers when they met on the internet.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 729
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/13/2014 5:10:23 PM
How can I control any of that?

Online: Just don't read the message.
Real world: Talk the way you type on here, they'll get the point.


And that when she ignores you or says "I'm not interested", she's not a bi*tch "depriving" you of something that you convinced yourself you should get. That's why we're calling you and men like you entitled.


What are you failing to grasp about SPECIFICALLY WHEN YOU'RE PAST JUST BEING TWO RANDOM PEOPLE ONLINE??? Let's put this into a perspective that you might be able to grasp, which you'll then twist into something else that makes no sense. Pretend you're going out to eat with your best friend, that you've been friends for 20+ years. You get to the restaurant you're meeting at, 45 minutes later, she's not there. You try to call her, no answer. You go home. Now you're bored, you jump on facebook, and there's 50 posts of her out at the club with other friends, while she just completely blew you off. THIS is what I have an issue with. If me and you set up a date on here, and you didn't show up, honestly, I don't even know that you're real and not just some fat guy, so I really wouldn't care. I'm talking about someone you have an established personal relationship with that's just blowing you off. I don't care if some girl doesn't want to have a first date with me. But I do care if the the girl I've been dating for the last few months just vanishes. But I guess you don't feel that communication matters in these situations.


You are not "standing up for yourself", you're lashing out because you wanted something to happen in the way that you want it to happen and a stranger isn't giving it to you. That's creepy as f*ck man, no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise. Women have come across so many men JUST LIKE YOU, that they just aren't willing to deal with it any more.


Again, you're either willfully ignorant, or you're putting words in my mouth. First, start by rereading the first sentence after the last quote again. Standing up for myself means basically this post. You make attacks, I'm going to defend myself. You're condescending, I'm not going to tell you how great you are. You're yelling at me, I'm going to raise my voice back. It's not creepy, you're just mad that I don't just let women walk all over me. Again, I'll never hit a girl, but I'm not afraid to tell one off, not because she won't date me, but the girl I'm dating bangs my friend, she's going to hear how I feel about that.

And I NEVER said I would chase the girl, actually it was your old partner in the man-hating accusing me of it, who luckily grew out of that and makes educated posts now. Because to you two, having something to say about being stood up, means I'm chasing the girl and harassing her. It's only sending a text and ending it.


Women don't want YOU to have a backbone... they want men they want to interact with to have a backbone.


Well here's the problem with that, princess. You can't just pick which men are going to stand up for themselves. Just because you don't want to date him, it doesn't mean that he's not going to make a stand. Actually, he has even less to lose than the guy that you are interested in. It's like going out in a low cut top, and being mad that other guys noticed. Did you honestly think other guys weren't going to notice? That the view only exists for that one certain guy, and everyone else sees you in a turtleneck? For girls that don't want me to have a backbone, only the guy that they want to interact with, here's some simple advice... Don't give me a reason to use that backbone. That's how I didn't get in fights in highschool. I didn't give people a reason to get mad enough to hit me. You're free to treat any guy in the world like crap, but you have to accept that he might get mad, he might be the type of guy that will hit a girl, he might be homicidal... You have way more control over the way people act towards you than you think.

Which brings us back to the first quote I answered. Guys are going to talk to you. Some will only be trying to get laid. You can't stop it any more than I can't stop old guys from constantly talking to me about the weather. That's just life. Humans are typically social. But you CAN control your dating life, very easily. Don't sit back and wait for the right guy to find you, you find the right guy. It's very simple to take control of your dating life. Want to date a nice guy, then date a nice guy. Want to date someone rich, then date someone rich. Odds are, though, that they're not going to just appear in front of you, do what it takes to put yourself into those situations where it can happen.


She made her bed by picking the creep, then she had to lie on it. She could have chosen not to go out with anyone, or she could have chosen one of the many nice guys who wasn't attractive / rich / tall enough. No sympathy for her!"


And I know this is a different poster, but I completely agree with that idea. It's not like there's only one nice guy... I'm willing to bet that more are nice than aren't. And that's what amazes me, that some of these girls can have their pick of literally hundreds of guys on these sites, but then pick the one guy who's married and just looking for some fun on the side. What stood out that made him the best choice out of everyone else?
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 730
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/13/2014 5:26:49 PM

The other is classless (to me anyways) though I'm sure that if someone does it they are not wanting to hurt someone's feelings; not getting that not even having the courtesy to wish them luck is actually more hurtful than the alternative.


Actually, I've had a good amount of chances to watch these situations from the sideline. These girls actually believe that they're solving the problem by just ignoring it. I've seen it at the point that they actually put more effort into ignoring the guy than just even going with the first lie they can think of. They're not doing it for the guy, they're doing it for themselves, because they don't want to actually address the issue. A lot of times, these are also the same girls and can never keep a boyfriend because they leave at the first sign that it's not the perfect relationship.

People just don't communicate anymore. Read these forums, compatibility, companionship, values... they all mean nothing now, unless you first have the looks, drive, make enough money, live in the right area, etc.

Also, not sure if anyone else is noticing, but at least for me, this trend seems to be mainly people I find online. People I meet in person, it's a completely different story. There's exceptions, but it really seems like OLD is really the bottom of the barrel of the dating world.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 733
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/14/2014 5:05:36 AM
I'm honest with everyone and will be straight with them about where they stand with me - especially if they ask - they are free to go off and process that information their own way. IMO if they cannot handle the information they either shouldn't ask or shouldn't be out there dating. I don't see that as my problem.

Same with my inbox. I will chat with anyone - very few I chat with are people I want to meet or date. I won't purposely tell you I have no interest in you but if you ask - I'll tell you straight. Then it's up to you to see it as a good thing that you got the information (since you did ask). Your reaction to that is just that - yours.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 737
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/16/2014 8:45:02 AM
You wrote that the ONLY reasons to compliment people are to indicate sexual interest or to "make people feel good".


Wrong again. I said the two MAIN reasons. There's a third reason people make compliments, usually dishonest in this case: to sell something. And there are face value compliments where someone spontaneously says it without thinking. In reality, it's the women who twist a platonic compliment into an imagined sexual advance that discourage men from saying something positive, so we save our positive remarks for our fellow men or women we know. Then we give honest compliments to women who might be a match, so if she does interpret it as hitting on her, we didn't get her hopes up.



We told men to leave women along unless she sends signals indicating that she's interested (like smiling, speaking to him, asking him about himself). He, however, rarely gets any signals, so he decided to just go in and try a hard, cold sell. He also brought up going into a store dirty and reeking of BO and getting enraged because he got a "I can't believe this stinky man actually thought he would get my number, hasn't he ever heard of a shower" look.


Some women cling to stinky men. The meat market that is gyms proves this. Some women seem to prefer husky men. Some women don't show interest (might not have noticed him), but after he approaches her, she's interested. Many women don't do anything to show interest, but admit to friends they would have liked a guy to approach her. Women typically want the man to take charge. If a guy looks like he's about to hit on her and she doesn't want his attention, there are plenty of things she can do to discourage him: cough, look away, frown, etc.



I simply complimented him... there's no entitlement there. He could have reacted in any way he wanted.... but he chose the angry fit.


I don't know how you behave in real life, but if you're as combative and delusional and rude as you are in many of your forum posts, it's not surprising some people might react negatively.

(snip vulgar Freudian envy rant by the wingnut)



That's his (and your) problem. All roads lead to vaginal intercourse; until, of course, the woman puts the kibosh on it by letting you know that that awkward accidental glance from across the room was just a coincidence and you're not going to get laid.


Once again you invent your own reality, so I'm guessing what you assume about him is wrong too. In reality, I'm on the other side, one of those guys who, if a stranger girl does something flirtatious, I might look back to make sure there isn't some other dude just behind me. Some women even rationalize that I'm "shy" when I reject / ignore their advances.



Since I rarely see men compliment unattractive women who might need the pick me up


I witness it all the time: no matter how old, out of shape, not good looking (subjective), etc a woman is, there are countless guys and gals who give them compliments. Wouldn't be surprised if they get more praise than the hotties.



By YOUR OWN WORDS, this isn't a compliment that we should take at face value


Wrong. I already said none of my compliments are insincere.



Oh yeah... .men are constantly sending messages to women they don't want to have sex with.


Non sequitur. She *might* be worthy of a date, relationship, sex, etc. The odds might be low, but some men are open minded and give someone a chance. He sends the message to determine if she's real, they might be compatible, etc. Are you upset to realize the men who sent you messages don't actually want to have sex with you?



Your feeble (REALLY feeble actually) attempt to tell me that no decent man really wants someone like me is hilarious.


Earlier in this thread someone made the same point. You whined how all the messages you get are bad, from overweight people, people you knew in real life, incompatible, etc. Your implication was that you were a great catch and that if nobody worthy messaged you, there must be no worthy men. Someone posted as I did, how the polite, decent people who read your profile hit the back button because they saw an incompatibility or didn't like the negative tone or intuitively knew they didn't want you.

The men who wouldn't date a mum wouldn't even see you in their filtered results. Some wouldn't like the facial expression of the thumbnail. Some wouldn't trust a profile without a photo showing both face and body, especially if what you say is true about most people in your province being overweight. Some don't like the negativity, turning something potentially positive like paying your way into a nasty negative rant. Some recognized an incompatible lifestyle, for example they might not like going out on expensive nights out on the town.



Especially since I'm seeing a man who is smart, funny, good-looking, a great father, a great son, etc.


Too bad being with him doesn't seem to have improved your attitude on the forums.



deficiencies from men who act like a nice guy until she has the nerve to disappoint him... at which point he's entitled to tell her that she should be gang-raped and left for dead.


What someone earlier in this thread said about you is obviously true: you often bring up rape.



Why are you happy that someone else got hurt?


More fallacies on your part. Don't even know who you mean by "you", but nobody was happy in my example; the guy in my example was indifferent.



Nobody ever seems to be able to answer it.. why are men entitled to search for hot but women who do are vilified? Why is it usually by ugly men who get passed over for hot men.


I don't believe either of the two main dudes in this thread (Hawking and RT) is considered ugly by women; I've seen quite a few posts by women positive about their looks. And once again you make a false premise. More of your delusional "create your own reality".

I thought the main people who complain about superficiality were those on the "positive" end of it, for example tall men who are pestered by women who like them just because of their height, not understanding his personality or caring about his character.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 738
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/16/2014 9:45:11 AM
Nobody ever seems to be able to answer it.. why are men entitled to search for hot but women who do are vilified? Why is it usually by ugly men who get passed over for hot men. Do you have the balls to tell the truth?


Of course women are allowed to seek whatever they find attractive. However there are some women that complain about getting emails from older, fat, and/or unattractive men. When men make similar statements, they get crucified.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 739
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/16/2014 10:34:16 AM

You wrote that the ONLY reasons to compliment people are to indicate sexual interest or to "make people feel good".



Wrong again. I said the two MAIN reasons. There's a third reason people make compliments, usually dishonest in this case:

Ainen, most of the time I think you are a pretty foursquare guy, but I have to take issue with this.
Just because your motivation is totally self-serving. let me ASSURE you that there are TONS of people who give compliments/say nice things to other people just because it suits them to do so.

But I'll remember that the next time I compliment a little girl on her pretty dress, or an elderly gentleman on his beautiful dog, or a biker of either gender on his or her gorgeous bike.

Some of us will say something-or someone- is nice, or beautiful or whatever, just because we think it is and we want to say so.
Cindy O
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 740
view profile
History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/16/2014 10:37:35 AM

Why are you happy that someone else got hurt? Because she didn't fall in line and grab the first ugly guy who looked at her?

Nobody ever seems to be able to answer it.. why are men entitled to search for hot but women who do are vilified? Why is it usually by ugly men who get passed over for hot men. Do you have the balls to tell the truth?


I don't think that's what RT is saying at all, that's spinning the hell out of it. He's stating that women are picking shitty men, it has nothing to do with looks. I've seen it myself, my sister's ex is a shitty person who somehow fathered 12 kids by 10 different women and he's only 28. When he dated my sister he had one kid, my sister broke up with him because he cheated on her multiple times, I'm not sure what kind of spell he had on her because she put up with more of his shit than I've seen her do with other guys. She was the type to break up with a guy over something trivial like the guy not calling her back after a day etc...somehow she stayed with this guy for a year, he got another girl pregnant and that was the final straw but he got my sister pregnant too though she didn't find out until after they broke up.

My nephew is 5, so within a 5 year period he's managed to have 9 more kids, none of them are twins either. His reputation at this point should be well known but he somehow still manages to have relationships, he somehow manages to get women to support him and take up for him only for those women to be burned at the end. He works but it's part time and it's only because he's forced to because has to pay my sister child support and out of the 9 women, she and another girl are the only ones to ask for child support.

A guy like that shouldn't be dating anyone, his reputation precedes him at this point but yet he's still getting girls to support him and take care of him and for what? Because he's slightly attractive and has a smooth demeanor? If a girl was surrounded by that much drama, I wouldn't date her I don't care if she was a total 10. Sometimes it's not worth it. That's not sour grapes, that's being real.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 741
view profile
History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/16/2014 2:31:19 PM

I can understand the frustration with both of the above. Especially if a person has not only had a first meet but a second and third (or even fourth date) with someone and decide they are not going to work out; they should let that person know that they are probably not feeling it as much as they should, thank them for their time adn wish them luck, not just disappear without a word.

At email stage it's WAY different than after multiple dates. The one is understandable. The other is classless (to me anyways) though I'm sure that if someone does it they are not wanting to hurt someone's feelings; not getting that not even having the courtesy to wish them luck is actually more hurtful than the alternative.


Yea during the "message" stage I don't care if chicks stop communicating with me, it's to be expected even after a few weeks of messaging back and forth, I expect it to happen but after meeting someone and seemingly having nice time, it would be nice to be told something, that's the decent thing to do. I met a girl from Tinder, I went to her place after she invited me there. We didn't have sex or anything, she even admitted that she was slightly nervous and I was nervous because I wanted to make a good impression after a couple of bad dates that went nowhere, I wanted this one to work out. We talked, I supposedly put on a good impression because she told me she liked me and wanted to show me around the area since I just moved here. We were going to meet up that same weekend but my grandfather passed away so I had to go back to NC for the funeral, we both planned to meet up the day I was leaving just for an hour or so at Dave and Buster's (my office was having a morale dayB there and I planned on driving back home after that) she but texts me stating that her cousin got into an accident so she had to pick up her daughter to babysit her but we can hang out the following week, I told her I understood that I'll be out of town that Saturday but we can hang out during the week or that Friday, she replied back with an "Ok."

After that she's gone dark, I sent her a few texts but didn't get any responses. Her profile is deleted so she's gone, I have no idea if I did something wrong, she found someone else, a liar or something bad happened to her.

While she doesn't certainly owe me anything, an explanation would be nice or even just saying she's not interested, that's the adult thing to do. Instead of me thinking 100 thoughts about what happened, I would now know. I'll eventually get over anything but it would be nice.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 744
view profile
History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/18/2014 9:38:18 PM
Women retain the right to choose anyone that suits them. That's a given. In the period of time that I've messaged women doing OLD, I haven't figured out what makes a good first message. Obviously, one or two line messages don't work, anymore than messages that have just a couple of words. Comments aimed directly at, and responding to what they say in their profile doesn't quite cut it. Echoing what they don't want never works, nor does what they do want. Previous posts point out that rejection messages bring unwanted retaliation. After a while, men just get sick and tired of sending messages, because it's just a complete waste of time. I doubt that a fair number of men would mind being rejected if a woman would message them back with a rejection. Yes, I understand that some won't take no for an answer. But, I also accept criticism, that will give me a learning experience. How can I get better at attracting women, when none will tell me what I'm doing wrong?
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 746
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/19/2014 1:44:48 AM
Here's an observation I have made on OKC@pid.

They have a feature that tells you how often the person you are looking at replies to messages.

Green means they reply often.

Yellow means they reply selectively.

Red means very selectively.

About 30% of the men reply very selectively.

About 90% of the women reply very selectively.

Check it out-scroll down the columns of guy's pics and you will see alot of green, GO!

Scroll down the womens..no matter what age range...lots of yellow and red. CAREFUL AND STOP!

There is something *inherent* to the female nature that makes us just more careful, not as cavalier about the process as men.

Men are built to spread the seed!

Women are built to choose the best seed to harvest and bring forth life with.

Until guys get this into their lil' noggins, they are going to remain in a spin over WHY ARENT WOMEN JUST LIKE ME??????

For all of our freedom, role reversals, independence, choices and social experiments, our biological differences still trump "the grand experiment."

Thats why we have so many men wondering HOW COME I CANT GET WOMEN TO RESPOND TO ME?? (the most common male folly)

And women screaming "I HAD SEX WITH HIM BECAUSE I THOUGHT HE LOVED ME!" (most common female folly)

Entirely based on our biological differences.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 748
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/19/2014 5:15:46 AM

Women retain the right to choose anyone that suits them. That's a given.

Take it from a woman who tends to do a lot of the approaching, so do men - as they should.

In the period of time that I've messaged women doing OLD, I haven't figured out what makes a good first message.

Tricky, because even the best first message sent to a woman who's not interested won't work - while sometimes a terrible message sent to a woman who does have interest will work well.

Obviously, one or two line messages don't work, anymore than messages that have just a couple of words.

I agree with this for the most part but do think if a woman is curious and has some interest that won't matter - as long as you don't have a whole conversation like that. I will get a message from a guy I like the look of and if he one words me, I'll go with it - 85% of the time that's the only form of communication they have. One word at a time. I get bored with that and stop messaging. Sparse profiles are usually a way to predict this.

Comments aimed directly at, and responding to what they say in their profile doesn't quite cut it.

If she's interested this will work.

Echoing what they don't want never works, nor does what they do want.

If she's not interested those are irrelevant. If she is interested only the serious dealbreakers matter.

Previous posts point out that rejection messages bring unwanted retaliation.

It does. Some women don't want these so they don't respond - I don't care and send them anyway - this is a matter of the person.

After a while, men just get sick and tired of sending messages, because it's just a complete waste of time.

This is a funny statement: dating online and off will "waste" some of your time - I recommend not dating at all if you don't want to waste any.

I doubt that a fair number of men would mind being rejected if a woman would message them back with a rejection.

They seem to be OK with it for the most part when I send em. Some ignore and keep talking, some thank me and stop sending messages, some ask why (silly) and some do get snarky but not enough to bother me (I'm pretty thick skinned though).

Yes, I understand that some won't take no for an answer.

This is true, some won't - that's their problem.

But, I also accept criticism, that will give me a learning experience. How can I get better at attracting women, when none will tell me what I'm doing wrong?

Once you have a profile review and you present your self in the best (and most honest) light you can - there's nothing that can be learned because each person you message is an isolated case. Unless someone's sitting next to you reading what you send, reading the responses and seeing who you are messaging no one can give you that information. All you can do is be objective about who you message (is this someone I really want to know? Am I honestly someone this person may be looking for?) be positive, be a good read (know when someone's just being polite), have patience, and FFS make sure you don't use online dating as a main source of connections.

Guess what, women like honesty, simplicity, lack of ab and "tool" pics, and the fact I am employed. Having kids doesn't seem to be a detriment as I thought it would. I asked one more seasoned user here, she told me that she (and by extension I assume other women) HATE men who come across as desperate or needy or sleazy. They can get that at a bar or comic book convention, here they want someone who actually read their profile to talk to and communicate with, who doesn't demand something in the initial conversation.

Agreed.

following the advice I was given, I have had a couple dozen mutual matches and meet me contacts in the last 2 weeks across the 3 sites, all but 3 initiated by the women themselves. If you are kind, connected, and look like you would be a nice guy offline, they will contact you.

Proof that this can work if you use it the right way and you don't take it terribly seriously.

I have had a couple 1st meetings so far, so it remains to be seen if I am "successful", but I have already made some new friends, had a lot of great conversations/texts/emails, and am having fun.

Making connections is where the site stops - from there it's hit or miss whether the people you meet will be for you - but the site has done it's job which is to connect you with others.

So before you rage against the dating machine, take a good look at what you have done/are doing, and think about making an honest profile.. and be patient. If you are honest and able to have a conversation with, good things will happen. You don't need to look like Brad Pitt, god knows I don't.

From someone who's ex looked exactly like Brad Pitt - take it from me, you really don't. You should be the basics of a good human being and she has to like what she sees - but that doesn't mean you have to be drop dead gorgeous and that's subjective anyway, so it doesn't matter. Many people think Brad Pitt is an ugly SOB. To each their own.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 751
view profile
History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/19/2014 5:17:58 PM
^

Whenever I've seen chicks with the "Very selective" reply rate, it tends to be a turn off, I don't bother messaging them at all. It's like seeing a girl in a club rejecting every guy who approaches her for a dance so I don't even bother trying. Of course later that night I find out she was actually interested in me.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 752
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/19/2014 8:39:36 PM

Green means they reply often.

Yellow means they reply selectively.

Red means very selectively.


It might be somewhat misleading. Green could also mean they often reply to say "No thanks"
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 753
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/20/2014 5:29:55 AM

It might be somewhat misleading. Green could also mean they often reply to say "No thanks"

It doesn't matter what they reply with - just that they reply. Dating sites won't be able to gauge where people fall when responding to someone, just that there was a response.

All men hoping for a response even if it's a no thanks will benefit from this information - since they are so sure that any reply is a good one.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 755
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/20/2014 6:20:22 AM

What's misleading about that?


I believe the other poster meant the color is misleading, not that uninterested women who reply are misleading the men. The rest of your message is all non sequitur.

The point about men doing most of the initial contact is true, but the colors don't mean much. Also OKC prods women to send first contact messages to men. I get a lot more first contact messages there, sometimes after I've viewed them, while POF it's rare for a girl to send me a message shortly after I viewed her profile.

I just counted the colors on that site's equivalent of my advanced search here, sorting by match % and going down through the 80% matches. There were 20 red, 6 yellow, 22 green, plus a few grey (that means I messaged them; don't remember their color). Less than half are classified as "replies very selectively", not that it matters. I've hidden a lot of profiles, but don't believe their colors are much different.

Red can also be misleading. OKC has more spam/scam messages than POF. They're obvious, therefore people don't reply to them. If a man who doesn't get many first contact messages from real women gets 5 spam/scam messages, deleting them without replying, and gets one message from a real woman and replies to her, he might show up as red even though he replied to 100% of the real messages.

Don't be afraid of red.

I get high response rate from red (probably about 40% from red, 50% from green), though I do well with gals who are really selective while getting ignored from some who reply often. It's like my fishing success. This year I've caught only one crappie, a species regarded as easy to catch, but I've caught decent numbers of elusive species many people have never caught or consider nearly impossible: Buffalo, Grass Carp, Sturgeon. So my results are an anomaly. I'm like the baseball player who gets a lot of hits and walks against the All Star pitchers, but has a bunch of foul balls and groundouts against "easy" pitchers.

Men being more likely to respond is probably a combination of men getting fewer first contact messages (giving them more time to reply), maybe being more well organized, maybe being more polite if they believe sending a reply is polite (many people of both genders would rather not get a rejection response).

Also on that site, girls have never sent me a "thanks / sorry, not interested, good luck in your search" that sometimes occurs here on POF. OKC girls who reply but don't seem interested do the tactic of answering a question without continuing the conversation, the most common way they respond to me on POF.

One reason my response rate is higher there is it's easier to determine incompatibility and avoid messaging someone, as they tend to have longer profile text, and the questions can bring up dealbreaking issues. For example, OKC has a question "Do you have rape fantasies?" The poster who wrote "unbelievable" might avoid people who don't consider "no" an acceptable answer.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 761
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/20/2014 7:17:39 PM

What's misleading about that? Men are always demanding that women should be letting them know they aren't interested.

So not only do men demand that we answer them, they also demand that we answer them affirmatively, otherwise they think they're being "misled".

Un****ingbelievable.


This rant is an inaccurate broad assumption. For the record, I don’t care about getting no response or “No thanks” to the first email.


I believe the other poster meant the color is misleading, not that uninterested women who reply are misleading the men. The rest of your message is all non sequitur.


Exactly.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 762
view profile
History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/20/2014 7:39:57 PM
@IG

Sandra Bullock is pretty hot, I wouldn't say she has an inner beauty at least I would f*ck her, she may be old enough to be my mom but I'm disappointing her sexually if I get the chance.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >