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 middle14
Joined: 10/28/2014
Msg: 732
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!Page 27 of 32    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32)
I also agree with posts 739, 740, 741. When I don't want to keep seeing a man, I will politely tell him that. Sure a few men were jerks. But most of them were gracious about it although they were disappointed. Having said that, I didn't meet these men from POF.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 733
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/14/2014 5:05:36 AM
I'm honest with everyone and will be straight with them about where they stand with me - especially if they ask - they are free to go off and process that information their own way. IMO if they cannot handle the information they either shouldn't ask or shouldn't be out there dating. I don't see that as my problem.

Same with my inbox. I will chat with anyone - very few I chat with are people I want to meet or date. I won't purposely tell you I have no interest in you but if you ask - I'll tell you straight. Then it's up to you to see it as a good thing that you got the information (since you did ask). Your reaction to that is just that - yours.
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 735
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/16/2014 7:17:11 AM

Non sequitur, ad hominem, straw man.

What lie? I never give people phony compliments. You lack credibility because you make up negatives about people. I don't believe the claims you make about RT or others. The only story I remember about RT is he stood up for himself after giving a girl a ride to an event, she was extremely disrespectful, so he didn't give her a ride away from the event. Good for him!


You wrote that the ONLY reasons to compliment people are to indicate sexual interest or to "make people feel good". Completely forgetting the fact that I wasn't complimenting him I was complimenting his C-O-A-T; you have shown that your sole reason for complimenting people is to indicate interest, sexual or friendly. That's deceitful (false, fake, it's LYING), and it's the reason why we don't take men at face value.

RT wrote that in a thread about approaching women at the gym. We told men to leave women along unless she sends signals indicating that she's interested (like smiling, speaking to him, asking him about himself). He, however, rarely gets any signals, so he decided to just go in and try a hard, cold sell. He also brought up going into a store dirty and reeking of BO and getting enraged because he got a "I can't believe this stinky man actually thought he would get my number, hasn't he ever heard of a shower" look.

Yeah, how dare a woman assume that he's never clean, based on evidence that he's never clean. She should have just given him a chance, because HE knew that he's not dirty all the time.



Hypocrite. You seem to think you were entitled to speak to the elevator jacket guy and have him react the way you wanted, and then when he didn't, you wanted him punished by saying you expected other men to get back at him for you. And he didn't have the option of walking away (I didn't word walking away the way you did because I'm not a garbagemouth who drops F bombs on a regular basis).


I simply complimented him... there's no entitlement there. He could have reacted in any way he wanted.... but he chose the angry fit. Just like most men who get a tingle near a woman ALWAYS choose the angry fit. It's not my fault that you and he have equated any interaction with stranger with "gonna git mah d*ck wet!!!!!". Or that when you finally realize that the****isn't going to get wet, you get mad at HER because you think she's purposely denying you a wet d*ck you think she owes you now.

That's his (and your) problem. All roads lead to vaginal intercourse; until, of course, the woman puts the kibosh on it by letting you know that that awkward accidental glance from across the room was just a coincidence and you're not going to get laid.



Confirmation bias on your part based on false premises. In reality, most of what men say IS at face value, and some women complicate things by creating their own reality, imagining things that aren't there.


You indicated that there are only 2 reasons to compliment women... to try to get into their pants or to make them feel good. Since I rarely see men compliment unattractive women who might need the pick me up the only logical conclusion is that men mostly only compliment women with the end goal of getting laid (ulterior motive).

By YOUR OWN WORDS, this isn't a compliment that we should take at face value, it's an indication that he's saying something to get laid. And we all know that some men will say anything to get laid; so we should take it with a grain of salt.


Just because someone sends you a message doesn't mean they want to have sex. The women on these sites are just screens. Nothing is real until you meet. They send the message to determine if she might be a worthy partner. There might be some people with no standards who message everyone and immediately suggest hooking up, but most of the decent men on these sites won't even message you, so you're unaware of the countless good men who aren't interested. The good positive men won't bother messaging someone with extreme negativity.


Oh yeah... .men are constantly sending messages to women they don't want to have sex with. All men are fantastic, misunderstood, altruistic people who just want to "get to know" women. That's why 18 year old models get hardly any messages and overweight women in their 40s get so much attention......

It's funny.... since the update that shows how many men have viewed my profile, I've found out that about 75% of the men who view my profile send me a message. Most of the ones who don't are men who have tried.

Your feeble (REALLY feeble actually) attempt to tell me that no decent man really wants someone like me is hilarious. Especially since I'm seeing a man who is smart, funny, good-looking, a great father, a great son, etc. He makes me glad that I ignored pretty much every message I ever sent. If I listened to any of those men who tried to convince me that:

fat is okay for men,
good looking men are all snakes,
that average body type is up to 400 pounds,
that no man would ever treat me like anything but trash,
that a slap and tickle at my house after 1 am is how men date,
that I needed to go through a sexual audition before he would see if I rated as good enough to be seen in public with him,
that saying "hi" isn't lazy,


and so on and so on... I wouldn't have met him.

But I will say to all the men who think it's "better" for women....

Men send messages to whoever they want and get ignored and that's a heartwrenching situation that demands full empathy.

Women receive messages from whoever wants to send her one; and she'll be blasted for answering if she says no; and will also get blasted if she says nothing. She will be put on the spot if she meets one of these men irl... and be forced into horrible social interactions where he gets to tell her off again. She will be followed by men who see her and think "Well, she ignored me then, she can't say no or ignore me to my face". Our parenting, our looks, our social standing, our worth as a person (especially if there's anything to indicate that we're anything but pure virgins in our profile).... all thrown in our faces, from behind the screen or in person.

Men don't get the type of attention they want and convince themselves that it's a problem on the part of the women. Women get a lot of attention that they don't want, and get told (often and in caps/stereo) about their supposed deficiencies from men who act like a nice guy until she has the nerve to disappoint him... at which point he's entitled to tell her that she should be gang-raped and left for dead.


"She made her bed by picking the creep, then she had to lie on it. She could have chosen not to go out with anyone, or she could have chosen one of the many nice guys who wasn't attractive / rich / tall enough. No sympathy for her!"


Why are you happy that someone else got hurt? Because she didn't fall in line and grab the first ugly guy who looked at her?

Nobody ever seems to be able to answer it.. why are men entitled to search for hot but women who do are vilified? Why is it usually by ugly men who get passed over for hot men. Do you have the balls to tell the truth?
 mike11091
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 736
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/16/2014 8:02:56 AM

Nobody ever seems to be able to answer it.. why are men entitled to search for hot but women who do are vilified? Why is it usually by ugly men who get passed over for hot men. Do you have the balls to tell the truth?


You know, usually I would take a back road here and try a different approach...I'm not sure this is it...but here goes.

Women shouldn't be vilified for judging a man by his looks.
It's bullshit.

BUT...NDT...you're not exactly fat, ugly or otherwise...so...IDK what all the hatred is about...

People, in general, should forget any sense of entitlement they might have. Women and men alike can judge on any basis they choose. I've never, personally, understood the logic behind taking out one's frustrations on someone because they didn't choose you. I mean, seriously, would you rather she talked to you on false pretenses?

Don't answer that. That's what this is all about. People who don't get any attention complain about it because they want attention from ANYONE. To that, I say, you must make yourself interesting before others will find interest in you.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 737
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/16/2014 8:45:02 AM
You wrote that the ONLY reasons to compliment people are to indicate sexual interest or to "make people feel good".


Wrong again. I said the two MAIN reasons. There's a third reason people make compliments, usually dishonest in this case: to sell something. And there are face value compliments where someone spontaneously says it without thinking. In reality, it's the women who twist a platonic compliment into an imagined sexual advance that discourage men from saying something positive, so we save our positive remarks for our fellow men or women we know. Then we give honest compliments to women who might be a match, so if she does interpret it as hitting on her, we didn't get her hopes up.



We told men to leave women along unless she sends signals indicating that she's interested (like smiling, speaking to him, asking him about himself). He, however, rarely gets any signals, so he decided to just go in and try a hard, cold sell. He also brought up going into a store dirty and reeking of BO and getting enraged because he got a "I can't believe this stinky man actually thought he would get my number, hasn't he ever heard of a shower" look.


Some women cling to stinky men. The meat market that is gyms proves this. Some women seem to prefer husky men. Some women don't show interest (might not have noticed him), but after he approaches her, she's interested. Many women don't do anything to show interest, but admit to friends they would have liked a guy to approach her. Women typically want the man to take charge. If a guy looks like he's about to hit on her and she doesn't want his attention, there are plenty of things she can do to discourage him: cough, look away, frown, etc.



I simply complimented him... there's no entitlement there. He could have reacted in any way he wanted.... but he chose the angry fit.


I don't know how you behave in real life, but if you're as combative and delusional and rude as you are in many of your forum posts, it's not surprising some people might react negatively.

(snip vulgar Freudian envy rant by the wingnut)



That's his (and your) problem. All roads lead to vaginal intercourse; until, of course, the woman puts the kibosh on it by letting you know that that awkward accidental glance from across the room was just a coincidence and you're not going to get laid.


Once again you invent your own reality, so I'm guessing what you assume about him is wrong too. In reality, I'm on the other side, one of those guys who, if a stranger girl does something flirtatious, I might look back to make sure there isn't some other dude just behind me. Some women even rationalize that I'm "shy" when I reject / ignore their advances.



Since I rarely see men compliment unattractive women who might need the pick me up


I witness it all the time: no matter how old, out of shape, not good looking (subjective), etc a woman is, there are countless guys and gals who give them compliments. Wouldn't be surprised if they get more praise than the hotties.



By YOUR OWN WORDS, this isn't a compliment that we should take at face value


Wrong. I already said none of my compliments are insincere.



Oh yeah... .men are constantly sending messages to women they don't want to have sex with.


Non sequitur. She *might* be worthy of a date, relationship, sex, etc. The odds might be low, but some men are open minded and give someone a chance. He sends the message to determine if she's real, they might be compatible, etc. Are you upset to realize the men who sent you messages don't actually want to have sex with you?



Your feeble (REALLY feeble actually) attempt to tell me that no decent man really wants someone like me is hilarious.


Earlier in this thread someone made the same point. You whined how all the messages you get are bad, from overweight people, people you knew in real life, incompatible, etc. Your implication was that you were a great catch and that if nobody worthy messaged you, there must be no worthy men. Someone posted as I did, how the polite, decent people who read your profile hit the back button because they saw an incompatibility or didn't like the negative tone or intuitively knew they didn't want you.

The men who wouldn't date a mum wouldn't even see you in their filtered results. Some wouldn't like the facial expression of the thumbnail. Some wouldn't trust a profile without a photo showing both face and body, especially if what you say is true about most people in your province being overweight. Some don't like the negativity, turning something potentially positive like paying your way into a nasty negative rant. Some recognized an incompatible lifestyle, for example they might not like going out on expensive nights out on the town.



Especially since I'm seeing a man who is smart, funny, good-looking, a great father, a great son, etc.


Too bad being with him doesn't seem to have improved your attitude on the forums.



deficiencies from men who act like a nice guy until she has the nerve to disappoint him... at which point he's entitled to tell her that she should be gang-raped and left for dead.


What someone earlier in this thread said about you is obviously true: you often bring up rape.



Why are you happy that someone else got hurt?


More fallacies on your part. Don't even know who you mean by "you", but nobody was happy in my example; the guy in my example was indifferent.



Nobody ever seems to be able to answer it.. why are men entitled to search for hot but women who do are vilified? Why is it usually by ugly men who get passed over for hot men.


I don't believe either of the two main dudes in this thread (Hawking and RT) is considered ugly by women; I've seen quite a few posts by women positive about their looks. And once again you make a false premise. More of your delusional "create your own reality".

I thought the main people who complain about superficiality were those on the "positive" end of it, for example tall men who are pestered by women who like them just because of their height, not understanding his personality or caring about his character.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 738
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/16/2014 9:45:11 AM
Nobody ever seems to be able to answer it.. why are men entitled to search for hot but women who do are vilified? Why is it usually by ugly men who get passed over for hot men. Do you have the balls to tell the truth?


Of course women are allowed to seek whatever they find attractive. However there are some women that complain about getting emails from older, fat, and/or unattractive men. When men make similar statements, they get crucified.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 739
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/16/2014 10:34:16 AM

You wrote that the ONLY reasons to compliment people are to indicate sexual interest or to "make people feel good".



Wrong again. I said the two MAIN reasons. There's a third reason people make compliments, usually dishonest in this case:

Ainen, most of the time I think you are a pretty foursquare guy, but I have to take issue with this.
Just because your motivation is totally self-serving. let me ASSURE you that there are TONS of people who give compliments/say nice things to other people just because it suits them to do so.

But I'll remember that the next time I compliment a little girl on her pretty dress, or an elderly gentleman on his beautiful dog, or a biker of either gender on his or her gorgeous bike.

Some of us will say something-or someone- is nice, or beautiful or whatever, just because we think it is and we want to say so.
Cindy O
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 740
view profile
History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/16/2014 10:37:35 AM

Why are you happy that someone else got hurt? Because she didn't fall in line and grab the first ugly guy who looked at her?

Nobody ever seems to be able to answer it.. why are men entitled to search for hot but women who do are vilified? Why is it usually by ugly men who get passed over for hot men. Do you have the balls to tell the truth?


I don't think that's what RT is saying at all, that's spinning the hell out of it. He's stating that women are picking shitty men, it has nothing to do with looks. I've seen it myself, my sister's ex is a shitty person who somehow fathered 12 kids by 10 different women and he's only 28. When he dated my sister he had one kid, my sister broke up with him because he cheated on her multiple times, I'm not sure what kind of spell he had on her because she put up with more of his shit than I've seen her do with other guys. She was the type to break up with a guy over something trivial like the guy not calling her back after a day etc...somehow she stayed with this guy for a year, he got another girl pregnant and that was the final straw but he got my sister pregnant too though she didn't find out until after they broke up.

My nephew is 5, so within a 5 year period he's managed to have 9 more kids, none of them are twins either. His reputation at this point should be well known but he somehow still manages to have relationships, he somehow manages to get women to support him and take up for him only for those women to be burned at the end. He works but it's part time and it's only because he's forced to because has to pay my sister child support and out of the 9 women, she and another girl are the only ones to ask for child support.

A guy like that shouldn't be dating anyone, his reputation precedes him at this point but yet he's still getting girls to support him and take care of him and for what? Because he's slightly attractive and has a smooth demeanor? If a girl was surrounded by that much drama, I wouldn't date her I don't care if she was a total 10. Sometimes it's not worth it. That's not sour grapes, that's being real.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 741
view profile
History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/16/2014 2:31:19 PM

I can understand the frustration with both of the above. Especially if a person has not only had a first meet but a second and third (or even fourth date) with someone and decide they are not going to work out; they should let that person know that they are probably not feeling it as much as they should, thank them for their time adn wish them luck, not just disappear without a word.

At email stage it's WAY different than after multiple dates. The one is understandable. The other is classless (to me anyways) though I'm sure that if someone does it they are not wanting to hurt someone's feelings; not getting that not even having the courtesy to wish them luck is actually more hurtful than the alternative.


Yea during the "message" stage I don't care if chicks stop communicating with me, it's to be expected even after a few weeks of messaging back and forth, I expect it to happen but after meeting someone and seemingly having nice time, it would be nice to be told something, that's the decent thing to do. I met a girl from Tinder, I went to her place after she invited me there. We didn't have sex or anything, she even admitted that she was slightly nervous and I was nervous because I wanted to make a good impression after a couple of bad dates that went nowhere, I wanted this one to work out. We talked, I supposedly put on a good impression because she told me she liked me and wanted to show me around the area since I just moved here. We were going to meet up that same weekend but my grandfather passed away so I had to go back to NC for the funeral, we both planned to meet up the day I was leaving just for an hour or so at Dave and Buster's (my office was having a morale dayB there and I planned on driving back home after that) she but texts me stating that her cousin got into an accident so she had to pick up her daughter to babysit her but we can hang out the following week, I told her I understood that I'll be out of town that Saturday but we can hang out during the week or that Friday, she replied back with an "Ok."

After that she's gone dark, I sent her a few texts but didn't get any responses. Her profile is deleted so she's gone, I have no idea if I did something wrong, she found someone else, a liar or something bad happened to her.

While she doesn't certainly owe me anything, an explanation would be nice or even just saying she's not interested, that's the adult thing to do. Instead of me thinking 100 thoughts about what happened, I would now know. I'll eventually get over anything but it would be nice.
 Cognoscenti214
Joined: 9/10/2014
Msg: 742
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/16/2014 3:13:43 PM

While she doesn't certainly owe me anything...


Of course she does. It's simple common courtesy - something sorely lacking in so many self-absorbed narcissists these days.
You can be glad you don't have to invest any more time in a flake.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 744
view profile
History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/18/2014 9:38:18 PM
Women retain the right to choose anyone that suits them. That's a given. In the period of time that I've messaged women doing OLD, I haven't figured out what makes a good first message. Obviously, one or two line messages don't work, anymore than messages that have just a couple of words. Comments aimed directly at, and responding to what they say in their profile doesn't quite cut it. Echoing what they don't want never works, nor does what they do want. Previous posts point out that rejection messages bring unwanted retaliation. After a while, men just get sick and tired of sending messages, because it's just a complete waste of time. I doubt that a fair number of men would mind being rejected if a woman would message them back with a rejection. Yes, I understand that some won't take no for an answer. But, I also accept criticism, that will give me a learning experience. How can I get better at attracting women, when none will tell me what I'm doing wrong?
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 746
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/19/2014 1:44:48 AM
Here's an observation I have made on OKC@pid.

They have a feature that tells you how often the person you are looking at replies to messages.

Green means they reply often.

Yellow means they reply selectively.

Red means very selectively.

About 30% of the men reply very selectively.

About 90% of the women reply very selectively.

Check it out-scroll down the columns of guy's pics and you will see alot of green, GO!

Scroll down the womens..no matter what age range...lots of yellow and red. CAREFUL AND STOP!

There is something *inherent* to the female nature that makes us just more careful, not as cavalier about the process as men.

Men are built to spread the seed!

Women are built to choose the best seed to harvest and bring forth life with.

Until guys get this into their lil' noggins, they are going to remain in a spin over WHY ARENT WOMEN JUST LIKE ME??????

For all of our freedom, role reversals, independence, choices and social experiments, our biological differences still trump "the grand experiment."

Thats why we have so many men wondering HOW COME I CANT GET WOMEN TO RESPOND TO ME?? (the most common male folly)

And women screaming "I HAD SEX WITH HIM BECAUSE I THOUGHT HE LOVED ME!" (most common female folly)

Entirely based on our biological differences.
 mike11091
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 747
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/19/2014 3:05:27 AM

Men are built to spread the seed!

Women are built to choose the best seed to harvest and bring forth life with.


I've said things like this before and was attacked (figuratively).

o.O

But I completely agree.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 748
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/19/2014 5:15:46 AM

Women retain the right to choose anyone that suits them. That's a given.

Take it from a woman who tends to do a lot of the approaching, so do men - as they should.

In the period of time that I've messaged women doing OLD, I haven't figured out what makes a good first message.

Tricky, because even the best first message sent to a woman who's not interested won't work - while sometimes a terrible message sent to a woman who does have interest will work well.

Obviously, one or two line messages don't work, anymore than messages that have just a couple of words.

I agree with this for the most part but do think if a woman is curious and has some interest that won't matter - as long as you don't have a whole conversation like that. I will get a message from a guy I like the look of and if he one words me, I'll go with it - 85% of the time that's the only form of communication they have. One word at a time. I get bored with that and stop messaging. Sparse profiles are usually a way to predict this.

Comments aimed directly at, and responding to what they say in their profile doesn't quite cut it.

If she's interested this will work.

Echoing what they don't want never works, nor does what they do want.

If she's not interested those are irrelevant. If she is interested only the serious dealbreakers matter.

Previous posts point out that rejection messages bring unwanted retaliation.

It does. Some women don't want these so they don't respond - I don't care and send them anyway - this is a matter of the person.

After a while, men just get sick and tired of sending messages, because it's just a complete waste of time.

This is a funny statement: dating online and off will "waste" some of your time - I recommend not dating at all if you don't want to waste any.

I doubt that a fair number of men would mind being rejected if a woman would message them back with a rejection.

They seem to be OK with it for the most part when I send em. Some ignore and keep talking, some thank me and stop sending messages, some ask why (silly) and some do get snarky but not enough to bother me (I'm pretty thick skinned though).

Yes, I understand that some won't take no for an answer.

This is true, some won't - that's their problem.

But, I also accept criticism, that will give me a learning experience. How can I get better at attracting women, when none will tell me what I'm doing wrong?

Once you have a profile review and you present your self in the best (and most honest) light you can - there's nothing that can be learned because each person you message is an isolated case. Unless someone's sitting next to you reading what you send, reading the responses and seeing who you are messaging no one can give you that information. All you can do is be objective about who you message (is this someone I really want to know? Am I honestly someone this person may be looking for?) be positive, be a good read (know when someone's just being polite), have patience, and FFS make sure you don't use online dating as a main source of connections.

Guess what, women like honesty, simplicity, lack of ab and "tool" pics, and the fact I am employed. Having kids doesn't seem to be a detriment as I thought it would. I asked one more seasoned user here, she told me that she (and by extension I assume other women) HATE men who come across as desperate or needy or sleazy. They can get that at a bar or comic book convention, here they want someone who actually read their profile to talk to and communicate with, who doesn't demand something in the initial conversation.

Agreed.

following the advice I was given, I have had a couple dozen mutual matches and meet me contacts in the last 2 weeks across the 3 sites, all but 3 initiated by the women themselves. If you are kind, connected, and look like you would be a nice guy offline, they will contact you.

Proof that this can work if you use it the right way and you don't take it terribly seriously.

I have had a couple 1st meetings so far, so it remains to be seen if I am "successful", but I have already made some new friends, had a lot of great conversations/texts/emails, and am having fun.

Making connections is where the site stops - from there it's hit or miss whether the people you meet will be for you - but the site has done it's job which is to connect you with others.

So before you rage against the dating machine, take a good look at what you have done/are doing, and think about making an honest profile.. and be patient. If you are honest and able to have a conversation with, good things will happen. You don't need to look like Brad Pitt, god knows I don't.

From someone who's ex looked exactly like Brad Pitt - take it from me, you really don't. You should be the basics of a good human being and she has to like what she sees - but that doesn't mean you have to be drop dead gorgeous and that's subjective anyway, so it doesn't matter. Many people think Brad Pitt is an ugly SOB. To each their own.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 5/3/2014
Msg: 750
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/19/2014 8:08:47 AM

Here's an observation I have made on OKC@pid.

They have a feature that tells you how often the person you are looking at replies to messages.

Green means they reply often.

Yellow means they reply selectively.

Red means very selectively.

About 30% of the men reply very selectively.

About 90% of the women reply very selectively.

Check it out-scroll down the columns of guy's pics and you will see alot of green, GO!

Scroll down the womens..no matter what age range...lots of yellow and red. CAREFUL AND STOP!



I remember a few years ago when I was on that site the last time, I got an email from a guy saying that he saw that I respond very selectively but that he really hoped that I would talk with him. I hadn't noticed that thing was even on there. And I was surprised, because at that time I made a strong concerted effort to reply to every single person that took the time to write; even though the majority were not continuing the conversation, but at least there was a response of some kind. And with my 100% response ratio; it said I responded rarely. How the heck could a person who is responding to every single solitary email of over 50 emails a day be rare in response? After that, I took that particular stat with a VERY large grain of salt...
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 751
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WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/19/2014 5:17:58 PM
^

Whenever I've seen chicks with the "Very selective" reply rate, it tends to be a turn off, I don't bother messaging them at all. It's like seeing a girl in a club rejecting every guy who approaches her for a dance so I don't even bother trying. Of course later that night I find out she was actually interested in me.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 752
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/19/2014 8:39:36 PM

Green means they reply often.

Yellow means they reply selectively.

Red means very selectively.


It might be somewhat misleading. Green could also mean they often reply to say "No thanks"
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 753
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/20/2014 5:29:55 AM

It might be somewhat misleading. Green could also mean they often reply to say "No thanks"

It doesn't matter what they reply with - just that they reply. Dating sites won't be able to gauge where people fall when responding to someone, just that there was a response.

All men hoping for a response even if it's a no thanks will benefit from this information - since they are so sure that any reply is a good one.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 755
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/20/2014 6:20:22 AM

What's misleading about that?


I believe the other poster meant the color is misleading, not that uninterested women who reply are misleading the men. The rest of your message is all non sequitur.

The point about men doing most of the initial contact is true, but the colors don't mean much. Also OKC prods women to send first contact messages to men. I get a lot more first contact messages there, sometimes after I've viewed them, while POF it's rare for a girl to send me a message shortly after I viewed her profile.

I just counted the colors on that site's equivalent of my advanced search here, sorting by match % and going down through the 80% matches. There were 20 red, 6 yellow, 22 green, plus a few grey (that means I messaged them; don't remember their color). Less than half are classified as "replies very selectively", not that it matters. I've hidden a lot of profiles, but don't believe their colors are much different.

Red can also be misleading. OKC has more spam/scam messages than POF. They're obvious, therefore people don't reply to them. If a man who doesn't get many first contact messages from real women gets 5 spam/scam messages, deleting them without replying, and gets one message from a real woman and replies to her, he might show up as red even though he replied to 100% of the real messages.

Don't be afraid of red.

I get high response rate from red (probably about 40% from red, 50% from green), though I do well with gals who are really selective while getting ignored from some who reply often. It's like my fishing success. This year I've caught only one crappie, a species regarded as easy to catch, but I've caught decent numbers of elusive species many people have never caught or consider nearly impossible: Buffalo, Grass Carp, Sturgeon. So my results are an anomaly. I'm like the baseball player who gets a lot of hits and walks against the All Star pitchers, but has a bunch of foul balls and groundouts against "easy" pitchers.

Men being more likely to respond is probably a combination of men getting fewer first contact messages (giving them more time to reply), maybe being more well organized, maybe being more polite if they believe sending a reply is polite (many people of both genders would rather not get a rejection response).

Also on that site, girls have never sent me a "thanks / sorry, not interested, good luck in your search" that sometimes occurs here on POF. OKC girls who reply but don't seem interested do the tactic of answering a question without continuing the conversation, the most common way they respond to me on POF.

One reason my response rate is higher there is it's easier to determine incompatibility and avoid messaging someone, as they tend to have longer profile text, and the questions can bring up dealbreaking issues. For example, OKC has a question "Do you have rape fantasies?" The poster who wrote "unbelievable" might avoid people who don't consider "no" an acceptable answer.
 mike11091
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 756
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/20/2014 6:33:15 AM

One reason my response rate is higher there is it's easier to determine incompatibility and avoid messaging someone, as they tend to have longer profile text, and the questions can bring up dealbreaking issues. For example, OKC has a question "Do you have rape fantasies?" The poster who wrote "unbelievable" might avoid people who don't consider "no" an acceptable answer.


I liked OKC for that reason.

It doesn't filter on simple "canned" questions and answers. The questions it asks are more detailed and a much better filter.

Also, the profile has to be a certain length.

The down side, of course, is that if you're an 82% match with that supermodel babe that's out of your physical league.

I never had time for high-maintenance.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 757
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/20/2014 6:35:49 AM
No woman here owes any man a written apology for not wanting to **** him... GET IT? Try not to be so incredibly self-entitled. You might actually have a little fun with the process and not be so painfully attached to a particular outcome that you will never, ever be able to control.


Applause, applause. Great statement.


Whenever I've seen chicks with the "Very selective" reply rate, it tends to be a turn off, I don't bother messaging them at all. It's like seeing a girl in a club rejecting every guy who approaches her for a dance so I don't even bother trying. Of course later that night I find out she was actually interested in me.


This is so funny, but true.


The down side, of course, is that if you're an 82% match with that supermodel babe that's out of your physical league.


I am not going to use my examples here so they may think that I am bragging. But I know a couple of babes that are super gorgeous women. Both dated super attractive guys, who were wishi-washy, that didn't want to settle since they were good looking and could practically fvck anyone. Both of the guys they dated were so good looking that were extremely narcissistic. So they dumb them. What happened next? Supermodel looking girl went out with a bawling guy with a belly and the other one went out with a skinny geeky looking dude. The average dude had a sense of humor, had his own business, the skinny geek was a cool dude that was also a cyclist.

So, the point. Super model women do not end up with hot looking guys. They prefer guys with personality, confidence, character, guys that are simply interesting.

So next time you see the hot girl, approach her. You have a better chance to sleep with her than the other hot looking guys around her.
 mike11091
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 759
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/20/2014 7:06:27 AM

You have a better chance to sleep with her than the other hot looking guys around her.


Oh, it's not about my ego. I've never cared about other dudes.

I've just found that I attract a certain kind of "hot woman" that...well, is less than desired. Let's just say they love me cause I'm smart.

I have a freakin High School diploma. I'm average at best.

So, my view of the "hot ones" is quite different than most men. I have found that I'm much more attracted to the "hot ones" that don't flaunt it. My GF is a mom, she doesn't "dress to impress", so you'd never know it by looking at her, but she's absolutely stunning when those clothes come off.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 760
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/20/2014 7:30:05 AM

So, my view of the "hot ones" is quite different than most men. I have found that I'm much more attracted to the "hot ones" that don't flaunt it. My GF is a mom, she doesn't "dress to impress", so you'd never know it by looking at her, but she's absolutely stunning when those clothes come off.


Dude, I understand exactly what you're talking about. I tend to attract damaged women. HOt, but damaged. Many are women that actually are fed up with American culture, the pursue of material things. They tend to be women that have traveled to Europe, or Asia, that have a more worldly perspective. They are not the Pam Anderson's of the world, but more inner beauties, like Sandra Bullock or even a Kate Bosworth type of inner beauty. Okay, Kate is externally hot as well, but I digress.

Take for instance my girlfriend. In our first date, it was cold so she came all bundled up and looked more geeky. She has a degree in physics so she is also very, very smart. She's a mother of two. Then a few months later we went to a gallery opening and she decked out and looked like a 10. People and friends are still commenting about the photos that we posted on Facebook.

So I understand exactly what you're talking about dude.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 761
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/20/2014 7:17:39 PM

What's misleading about that? Men are always demanding that women should be letting them know they aren't interested.

So not only do men demand that we answer them, they also demand that we answer them affirmatively, otherwise they think they're being "misled".

Un****ingbelievable.


This rant is an inaccurate broad assumption. For the record, I don’t care about getting no response or “No thanks” to the first email.


I believe the other poster meant the color is misleading, not that uninterested women who reply are misleading the men. The rest of your message is all non sequitur.


Exactly.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 762
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History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 11/20/2014 7:39:57 PM
@IG

Sandra Bullock is pretty hot, I wouldn't say she has an inner beauty at least I would f*ck her, she may be old enough to be my mom but I'm disappointing her sexually if I get the chance.
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