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 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 177
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!Page 4 of 32    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32)
To both Halcyon and Blonde,

Maybe I'm out in the weeds here, but it seems to me you both are saying the same thing, but in two different ways. At least when I look at the last posts by the both of you..........


I think you might be right about being out in the weeds. Perhaps your inability to read women accurately is where your main dating difficulties lie?
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 178
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/17/2014 8:13:24 PM
The men I had relationships with and met on dating sites never paid more than maybe a first meet coffee/drink for me. Au contraire, I ended up being the one buying stuff for them. And I did it because I truly cared about them and it made me feel good. I went out of my way to see them and spend time with them. One didn't even have a car, and I came to get him and drive. All no problem, because love is a two way street, right? Only I got nothing back in the long run. They ended up taking me for granted and treated me badly. On the other hand, when I'm more disinterested and aloof the guys bend over backwards to get to me. It's so messed up.
 ryuoki
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 179
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History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/17/2014 8:38:51 PM
Wow Karma you really do sound like a rare breed of lady in this day and age. 90% of the ladies profiles I read have a laundry list of do's and don'ts trying to weed out men like that. I have a job, don't lie or even stretch the truth about myself on my profile and I can't even get a reply much less a date. Perhaps I should start lying and stating I have no job, tattoos that have tattoos of tattoos on their tattoos, invisible piercings that are only visible in person and was kicked out of the UFC for being too violent. This world we are in is becoming more and more shallow as time goes on.
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 180
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/18/2014 4:06:09 AM

Chemistry and personality don't matter anymore. It's all about how you look, what kind of car you drive, how much cash you make, and if you are a jerkwad. lol


I think both men & women who are fiscally responsible also want a partner who is that way too ASIDE from: character, personality & looks.

That's not being a gold digger- it's self-preservation.

Karma is a rare breed, pretty & maybe too sweet & nice- hope you have better luck w/ the next one sweetie!
 ArmyJoe32
Joined: 2/13/2014
Msg: 181
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/18/2014 3:56:50 PM
I think both men & women who are fiscally responsible also want a partner who is that way too ASIDE from: character, personality & looks.

That's not being a gold digger- it's self-preservation.


Ok, not trying to sound like a jerk, but where in the hell did I say that women were gold diggers for that? The funny thing is that the way people think in this aspect varies where you are in.
 _babblefish
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 182
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/20/2014 7:39:49 AM

with all due respect to the above three posters, I've been in LTR's one after the other since puberty, whereas there is at least one of u who is uncoupled...I've been alone only by choice & no I was never w/ any monster types & yes I had standards...

I am confident in my opinions as my advice certainly has worked for me, if others are so well advised, why r they alone???


would it be that self compassion is healthier than relationship contingent self esteem?
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 183
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/20/2014 8:44:24 AM
I don't know. I send messages and don't get responses. I meet men who don't look like their photos. I have men be very enthusiastic and then vanish. I have men ask me A LOT of questions about my finances and automatically expect me to pay for everything. I meet men who are on all sorts of meds. I meet men who are lying and are in relationships. I meet men who are not ready to move on from their last relationship. You get the point. Sounds a lot like the things that men say about women on here so it doesn't sound like a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE to me.
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 184
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WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/20/2014 9:58:31 AM
Women who send e-mails and do not get responses from the one or two e-mails sent out, still get introduction
e-mails occasionally, me and most guys get very little or none in a few months, it has been years for me hahahah and I have sent 100's of e-mails in the time I have been here, no responses, some do respond turning down the offer or send some negative comments, it is normal for guys to get none, neutral, negative and very little reponses. In real life it is the same at a bar or other venue, (the none), they turn their heads as to pretend not to hear, neutral as to say like a "whatever" comment or or they look up and down and walk away if they did not say anything negative, to me it is rare to have a positive pleasant answer, let alone get to start a relationship.

Men try and try until one they contacted wishes to know them. We are used to rejection we are used to paying and trying and failing, buying and paying is normal for men, men are expected to do the "work" and sometimes it is disapponting to try again and again. Most women stand by and let the action happen, that is why even for the players, the term "getting Lucky" is a normal term, even for married guys that term applies if they do the "work"
and perform the effort to intimacy.

So women if you have tried once or twice and failed, try again like us men who try daily and hundreds of times, do not be disappointed by those few failures (usually one or two), do not complain the quality of men you have relationships with, you should be aware that you have more options and power in the dating world, you are just expecting what you hope for by committing very little or no effort in your part, some rare women do give a little effort but what i have seen, that "great" effort is usually for a really crappy man.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 185
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/20/2014 10:30:17 AM
And those same women who couldn't get a response from 1 or 2 guys, don't have the luxury of coming here and seeing threads like "My boyfriend cheated on me, should I dump him?" It's just so dumb when these girls have this infinite patience and forgiveness for a guy that's banging another girl, and a lot of times stay with them (we all know one offline), yet when we make an approach to a girl, if we're only 5'10 instead of 5'11.... NO WAY she's dating a short guy. Cheating and lying, fine.... But if he's shorter than her, it's not happening. It's frustrating how many of the girls you talk to on here are these girls. The rare times us guys do get responses, having them be from someone who isn't a trainwreck is even more rare.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 186
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History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/20/2014 2:37:31 PM
“I don't know. I send messages and don't get responses. I meet men who don't look like their photos. I have men be very enthusiastic and then vanish. I have men ask me A LOT of questions about my finances and automatically expect me to pay for everything. I meet men who are on all sorts of meds. I meet men who are lying and are in relationships. I meet men who are not ready to move on from their last relationship. You get the point. Sounds a lot like the things that men say about women on here so it doesn't sound like a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE to me.”

Everything with this question is all perspective. Your meetings sound like “adventure” to me – quite a few “misadventures,” but the word “adventure” is still in there. This is the kind of “adventure” that has eluded me for many years, and as much as it frustrated me at times, I really miss it. For 6 years now, my life has been unbelievably boring (ignoring all the movie stuff, which is easy to do, as that comes in cycles and has overall rendered me a financial mess). But there are a lot of people who prefer “boring” to “dating drama.” I’m just not one of those. I’d rather have a bad date every week than 1 date that happened to be good every 10 years (or whatever the number is going to eventually end up being). I’d also rather be in a dysfunctional relationship than no relationship. Just the fact that I’m obviously not very selective about the quality of dates and relationships I end up with and still can’t get any dates leads to frustration piling up in large stacks.

None of this is to say that I think women are having much better experiences than men, or even all that different in the end (it takes a man and a woman to be a happy couple). But as I’ve said before, the main difference in their experiences on POF is the amount of effort put into the site. Back when this site was a lot more popular in my area and I’d pay attention to these things, I could send out 20 first contact messages in a day and 15 of them would come back “deleted/unread.” I don’t check anymore because that’s just pointless and it leads to madness, but just the knowledge that I’m putting substantial effort into each and every one of my emails and most are being ignored based entirely on lack of attraction compounds the frustration. Certainly, it is a person’s right to reject someone based on attraction, but why couldn’t that have been done BEFORE I spent a couple of hours constructing all those emails?

That’s an experience few women on the site have. Usually when they speak of sending messages and not getting responses, they’re talking about a couple a week to “very special guys.” But if you’re a guy on here and you’re only sending a couple a week and you don’t look like George Clooney, then you’re going to be miles behind your competition. I’m just saying, again as I’ve said before, the easiest way to cut down on so much frustration is to eliminate first contact emails and only allow communication after two people have agreed to communicate (i.e., after they’ve found each other attractive) – after all, as many women have pointed out, there is NOTHING any man can say in his first contact message that will make her respond if she doesn’t find him attractive. Men’s and women’s efforts to get someone’s interest would equalize, as in both cases it would come down just to clicking “Yes” (and obviously women would get a lot less inappropriate emails – actually, just a lot less emails period, for those who consider that a problem). Due to POF’s revenue model, that’s almost certainly never going to happen, but there really is no other solution, so basically everyone’s just going to have to live with the frustrations of POF… or, not use it.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 187
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/20/2014 3:36:46 PM
"Most women stand by and let the action happen"

Hey there ya go. *rolls eyes*

I've tried, many many times to share my equally awful experiences online, but it still seems men are simply determined here to think women have it better.

I just can't relate to the "women just sit back and men do all the work" thing, or the "women have all the choices"

My god, if you only knew.

Incredibly lousy online experiences, no replies to messages, being friendzoned, misled, lied to, running into requirements I cant fulfill..eh..been there, done all of it.

There isnt one thing guys have crabbed about here that I havent personally experienced myself.

Seems more like over all, a human experience. There was NOTHING about dating online that boosted my self esteem, made me feel like I had the pick of the litter, or made me feel like wow...look at all this attention.

Guys running into height requirements? Try running into age requirements. Most the guys my age won't DATE me because I AM their age, not younger. It appears they look into my eyes and see their own mortality, and go running.

*shrugs*

Yeah, online dating was SUCH an ego boost it actually destroyed my desire to date entirely. Wonderful experience!
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 188
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History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/20/2014 4:50:21 PM
^^^VK, you gotta get out of LA LA land. That's gotta be the only explanation of so much bad luck, lol. I know easier said than done, but damn, that's just sad.
 slowitalldown
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 189
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/20/2014 5:44:08 PM
My experience has been no better than VK's.
 kcycrs
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 190
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History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/20/2014 6:19:28 PM
^^^VK, I'm thinking mjinict may be right. Unless you're hiding a serious character flaw, I can't see why you can't attract any guys. You're physically attractive. And you often give thoughtful and well-written replies in the forums. So you're also intelligent. What more can a man want?

I know would much rather date a women within five years of my age. But, I'm willing to go as far as plus or minus eight years. I certainly don't even care to date any woman in her twenties. I did that when I was in my twenties and early thirties, thank you.
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 191
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/20/2014 10:19:28 PM
"That's the price you pay for being an attractive woman," a male friend recently said. I thought age 60 was my "sell by" date. Silly me! I receive over a dozen messages from guys each week.

It is a treat to find a well-spoken, intelligent man. Most messages I receive from men are stupid, just one or two words:

"Hello"
"What's up?
"Hey Pretty"
"Hi"
"MMMMMM!!!!"

"Can't you string together a sentence or two?" I think. "Show some intelligence."

"MMMMMM!!!!" is the equivalent of catcalling from construction workers, hissing and moaning at me as I hurry by. Reminds me of construction workers grabbing their crotch.

"What's up?" is the most frequent first message I get. How do these men expect me to answer? This question is meaningless and empty. It aggravates me. I'm not going to explain to a stranger how my day went, or how I feel at the moment. One word messages give me the impression that these guys are idiots.

I wonder if men send out short messages to test the water, to see if I’m interested. Maybe they are sick of wasting their time writing longer messages with no reply.

After a string of short, inane message from men who live too far away, I was THRILLED to receive a well-written, thoughtful reply from a man who lives in my area:

“You have an amazing profile. Love what you did with Paul Simon's tune. So creative. Also I'm interested that we are both engaged in the outdoors, the lives of young people and staying active. Your work sounds fascinating to me. Thank you for connecting. Let's continue--if you're game!”

YES, women have a different experience than men on dating websites. Men pursue and women choose.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 192
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History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 5:13:03 AM
"Maybe they are sick of wasting their time writing longer messages with no reply."

That's exactly the gist of my post a couple of spaces above yours! That is the biggest frustration of men on this site -- not necessarily sending out many messsages and not getting responses, but sending out many messages they put a lot of effort into and not getting responses. Again, no one is entitled to a response -- I'm just saying, the system is broken and quite frankly upside down, because establishing mutual interest should come before real communication. Yet, "Hello" is considered lazy and not deserving of resposne (despite the fact that in real life, that's how most interactions, romantic or otherwise, start).

"After a string of short, inane message from men who live too far away, I was THRILLED to receive a well-written, thoughtful reply from a man who lives in my area:"

If you had not found the man (and presumably his profile) to be attractive, would you have given a damn what he wrote in his message? Numerous women have stated in these forums that it doesn't matter what the man writes if they don't find him attractive -- they will not respond. I've written thousands of emails (NOT an exaggeration) like the one you posted in my 7+ years on this site, and rarely ever get any responses. And the fact is, it's probably not worth getting a "courtesy response," which once in a blue moon I do get ("Oh, what a wonderful message!" then reading between lines "But I'm just not that interested, just wanted to compliment such rare effort..."), because that's just false hope. Instead, again, it would be best if mutual interest (like in "Mutual Meet Me") was established first so both people would know their first best efforts would actually be appreciated and welcomed.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 193
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 6:08:05 AM
I wonder if men send out short messages to test the water, to see if I’m interested. Maybe they are sick of wasting their time writing longer messages with no reply.


Ding. Ding. Ding. We have a winner. I never wrote something as short as "How are you?". However I have written various types of initial emails and it didn't change the amount of positive responses I got. If a woman doesn't like your photos or profile, then it won't matter what you write. BTW most of the women that contacted me first on other dating sites sent me a "wink" or a very short generic such as "Hi" or "How are you?".
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 194
view profile
History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 7:00:57 AM
I think it's fine for a woman to just send a wink or a 'hi, nice profile' message. The man, however should put more thought and text to an initial message.

I know I'll get slammed for that one, lol. Seriously, you shouldn't put too much into an initial message, as chances are you might not get a reply. But it should be enough to make it personal and show genuine interest, know matter how often you have to do it.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 195
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 7:23:51 AM

Try running into age requirements. Most the guys my age won't DATE me because I AM their age, not younger. It appears they look into my eyes and see their own mortality, and go running.


VK, This is sad but true. But really think about it. The concept of a man dating a woman his own age is rather new. Perhaps something invented here in the American High School. Through out history, as well as in other cultures women dated older men. I remember when I was in high school in South America and all the girls in my class would look at us guys as their little brothers and all their dates and boyfriends were in college or in military academy.

Dating someone your age is only common in first world countries where there's not a lot of disparities between the have and have nots. When you go to cultures where the poor live in a box or a mud shanty, you will see across the board women going after older men.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 196
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 8:35:57 AM
I have no idea what the future will bring for me. My heart is open, but I cannot control or force my heart's will on anyone. Men have their own priorities, their own values and their own journey in life. Just as myself as a woman have held certain ideals to be important, so do men, and these need to be understood and respected. You've got to look at men and love realistically and realize that not all of us are going to be on the same page with what we are looking for. I had to learn some tough lessons once I became single again, lessons that included figuring it out that guys my age don't think like I do, and that I have no right to except ANYTHING from them. Nothing I did or said changed anything about the situation. I finally accepted it, without anger and resentment, without judgement, understanding that this is biology talking, which is not malicious, it just-is. It's about survival, reproducing. My role is clearly slowly shifting. I can feel the shift happening..I can feel myself being drawn away from what I was, into something new. For better or worse.

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 197
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 9:08:33 AM
VK,

Take for instance my girlfriend. She felt that men her age entering their 40s still had too many oats to saw. So here she was, single with two little kids. And didn't want to waste any time with these men, since she felt didn't have anything in common. So she looked for older men (me). I was not only looking for a woman that was rather avant garde and attractive, but family driven. So we found exactly what we both wanted.

In your case, you may want to try to find a perhaps fit, but older guy. Someone that had his share of fun, but now wants to settle down with someone. The only thing is that you have to open up and look outside of the box you have created for yourself.
 Halthyguy
Joined: 8/12/2014
Msg: 198
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 9:12:07 AM
why do so many women even stay on the sites instead of going out in the real world and finding all the wonderful men THERE?


Easy. Because some women have to go to work and take care of young children by themselves and have very limited time to go out and socialize to meet men


Then how are they going to find time to date ???????

You just proved that those type of women shouldn't be on here at all - not many guys want to meet someone who can only spare a few minutes/month.


Most the guys my age won't DATE me because I AM their age, not younger. It appears they look into my eyes and see their own mortality, and go running


Women do this too - SOOOOOOOO many in their mid 40's whose age range is " 25 - 42 ". They don't even want to date someone their own age !!!! LOL
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 199
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 9:24:40 AM
These women who claim they don't have time because of work and family. They suddenly have all the time in the world if you treat them to a free dinner at a fancy restaurant where you wait indefinitely to be seated, then more delays to order, prepare the meal, etc.

To counter the "I don't have time" claims, tell them we can save time by getting a $5 hot & ready pizza at Little Caesar or I'll bring a bag of microwaved popcorn. You made it clear we don't have time for a restaurant that has a server and a check.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 200
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 9:55:01 AM

These women who claim they don't have time because of work and family. They suddenly have all the time in the world if you treat them to a free dinner at a fancy restaurant where you wait indefinitely to be seated, then more delays to order, prepare the meal, etc.


No. That free time usually doesn't come until you're added on facebook... THEN while they're telling you that they're always busy with work/kids and can never go out, every day is new pictures from the bar they're at, until you're hopefully smart enough to just unfriend them and move on.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 201
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 10:00:42 AM
^^^ Unfortunately, that just means you weren't "smart enough" to see they meant "that they're always busy with work/kids and can never go out" with YOU.
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