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 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 205
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!Page 5 of 32    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32)
halthguy, I used to be flattered when I got all the attention from young guys in their 20s. I've been "seeing" (FWB type) a guy in his late 20s for over a year (not a relationship). He thinks I'm hot. Before then, was involved with someone who was 23 when I met him. We fell in love but his immaturity killed our budding relationship. I get about 10 messages a week from young guys who think I'm hot. Sure, it's kind of flattering, but I also know that they are just trying to score for the most part. ANd horny guys aren't all that discerning. And probably think that someone my age is somehow "desperate" or grateful to get attention. Far from it. I took my profile down on POF and OKC because I was tired of getting all that "attention". Attention is nice, but I'm looking for someone who will actually stick around for the long haul.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 206
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 10:30:18 AM
Karma, yep, same here.....super young guys..not interested. Basically you'll be a toy for one another until he finally falls in love with someone else and goes off to make a family-with the*real* love of his life. I'm personally not interested in being a bus stop in someone's life.

And yep, also used to tell men that won't date women their own age I'm not interested, but in the end, none of it means anything. By turning men down like that, it's not demonstrating anything to anyone. Guys don't care. It's not like I am going to induce this huge, life altering epiphany in their head about the RIGHT way to value women. Men value women they way men are BUILT to value them, no matter how much kicking and screaming we do. They will move on until they find what they want, if possible. Protestations against the truth mean nothing. You just have to accept it and either keep pounding away or retire from the game.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 208
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 10:31:35 AM
but I'm looking for someone who will actually stick around for the long haul.



^^
...and yet you have 'younger than 48' in your profile.
So I'm assuming, that you believe you have a person of any age can stick around for the long haul with you, correct?
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 209
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 10:33:35 AM

So you DO have the time but you CHOOSE to spend it more efficiently.


Yes, precisely. Just like exercising - I don't have time to go to the gym, I find it a waste of time and money to commute to a gym, pay membership fees, wait for my turn on the machines, etc. I do, however, have time to exercise at home,which I do very regularly. No time wasted there, I can get straight to it and I don't have to worry if I sweat and look like crap while I'm doing it. So going to the gym would be like going out trying to meet guys - lots of time and money wasted, outcome of the gym workout is questionable. Exercising at home is like online dating - no time and money wasted, outcome is better controlled than in the gym where I may or may not be able to get to the machines I want to or get chatted up and side-tracked by other people. I can 100% focus on my workout at home - just like when I go online to look for dates. Works for me.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 210
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 10:42:25 AM

..and yet you have 'younger than 48' in your profile.
So I'm assuming, that you believe you have a person of any age can stick around for the long haul with you, correct?


First of all, I hid my profile, how come you can still see it? Weird. I'm looking for guys in their 30s to late 40s. Yes, I don't think just because a guy is older makes him stick around,but I know from personal experience that guys in their 20s are REALLY unstable and too much controlled by their****testosterone. Been there, done that, not going there again. For fun, maybe, but not for a relationship. I don't want to go older than 48 because I used to get messages from guys in their 50s who were absolutely NOT what I was looking for. I suspect most of these guys were even lying about their age because they looked really old. Also, I'm super healthy, and as a rule, women still outlive men, and to me, it makes more sense to go a little younger or at least not too much older. I did talk to a very handsome 53 year old that I would have totally dated, but guess what - he vanished! Yes, even "mature" and "stable" older guys still pull that crap.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 211
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WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 10:51:43 AM
“I think it's fine for a woman to just send a wink or a 'hi, nice profile' message. The man, however should put more thought and text to an initial message.”

The ol’ “jump through hoops” double standard argument, eh? So men already have to make most of the effort on this site because of traditional “men make the first move” standards. Now we to include a special type of effort in that effort? Meanwhile, most women just sit back and enjoy the ride (“delete/unread, delete/unread, delete/unread...”).

I mean, do women actually ever feel bad about squashing the hopes and dreams of men they don’t find attractive that send them great first contact emails?

One of my female friends on here once stared up from her phone at me with a sad puppy dog look on her face and said, “I want to reply to this guy so badly but he’s just so ugly!” One of the few times I’ve ever had experience seeing how things happen on the other side of my emails.

Again, I’m not suggesting more effort out of women. I’m saying the system needs equalization so men and women end up putting the same amount of effort into it. Which would reduce everyone’s frustration.

BTW, I have no issues with women rejecting me for any reason whatsoever, including my age (which has definitely become a problem, believe it or not) or my height (though short women's hatred of short men is really annoying). But when dealing with 99% rejection rates, you'd really rather just know upfront that you're going to get rejected so you can stop making so much effort. My rejection rate on Match is much, much lower because women have to list out their preferences, which reduces my contact options by like 90%, but most of the remaining 10% are much more likely to respond to me. On POF, it's just shots in the dark because of a general lack of preference listings, so to have to put so much effort into initital contacts gets really, REALLY old.

“First of all, I hid my profile, how come you can still see it?”

Hiding your profile doesn’t make your profile invisible. It just takes it out of searches. Anyone who has the link to your profile or is in the forums can see your profile. (Note: you must be logged into the dating side of the site to see a hidden profile.)

“If I got 10 messages a week from young girls who thought I was hot .... I'd probably walk around with a tired but permanent grin on my face , lol”

Yup! Like I said in my first post, perspective!
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 212
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 11:23:00 AM
"I mean, do women actually ever feel bad about squashing the hopes and dreams of men they don’t find attractive that send them great first contact emails?"

OK, this is getting entirely too melodramatic.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 213
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History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 12:54:16 PM
"OK, this is getting entirely too melodramatic."

From my perspective, it is a legitimate question.

In 7 years on POF, no woman has ever sent me a great email. Or a good email. Or an email that said much more than "Hey." So I've never really felt remotely bad about ignoring any email sent to me, just like none of you feel remotely bad about ignoring "Hey" emails. And if I ever replied, it obviously had nothing to do with the content of the woman's email (since there really was none) and was ENTIRELY because I found the woman attractive (has happened about 3 or 4 times ever, plus I once replied to a woman with no picture that turned out to be fairly attractive -- however, as far as I can recall, she also sent me by far the best first contact email of all time, with 3 or 4 highly enthusiastic sentences [probably the only one with more than 3 or 4 words, much less multiple sentences], although it could have just been a form email, because she didn't mention anything about my profile in that email).

So I seriously have no idea how I would react to an awesome first contact email sent to me by a woman I did not find remotely attractive. Would I be flattered? Would I respond out of sense of obligation (even though that would be leading her on)? Would I ignore it like all of the "Hey" emails but feel bad doing so?

I don't know. I really don't know. Yet the vast majority of women on POF deal with that issue everyday, so I was just curious how they felt when they found themselves in that position.

But I think it tells you something about the typical POF woman that I've been on here for over 7 years and have never once received what you women in this thread are declaring to be an email worth responding to -- despite the fact that I have a profile that just screams "This guy deserves more than 'hey.'" You forum women are just very different from most POF women. But that should be obvious -- you wouldn't be hanging around here if you weren't writing-oriented. It would seem most non-POF women are quite content with barebones profiles and barebones messages, so long as they find the guy attractive. All this "extra" effort I've put into my first contact emails over the years has been absolutely pointless.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 214
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 1:19:42 PM

One of my female friends on here once stared up from her phone at me with a sad puppy dog look on her face and said, “I want to reply to this guy so badly but he’s just so ugly!” One of the few times I’ve ever had experience seeing how things happen on the other side of my emails.

Again, I’m not suggesting more effort out of women. I’m saying the system needs equalization so men and women end up putting the same amount of effort into it. Which would reduce everyone’s frustration.


You said before you never wanted to date a women with children and you aren't comfortable with children.

Your age of 36 makes that a particularly difficult age to want to exclude either your own or a woman's children from your dating pool. I do believe this contributes a fair amount to not connecting with anyone.

I like children and never had that exclusive of a dating pool, believing I could never truly pick who I would be attracted to. The only times I narrowed down my pool of women I would date was when the pool of possible dates grew large enough that it didn't matter if I arbitrarily excluded someone.

Regards equalization, I was never enchanted dreaming the impossible dream. It makes nice phantasy to day dream about, perhaps you would write a screen show based on that premise.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 215
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 1:21:42 PM
Well, here is my take, which I have actually already posted here several times-

You stop online dating.

I'm sure you've heard Einstein's great quote that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If you've been on here for 7 years and it's been exactly the same for you all that time, then it's really time to mix it up.

You can't account for why people don't contact you, and you can't go around feeling annoyed because why doesn't anyone ever contact me when I write messages. When it comes to online dating, and we KNOW what sort of nutjobs are out there, it's like trying to feed crackers to someone in an insane asylum and they keep spitting them all over the place. Do you blame yourself for that? Like how come you can't properly feed someone? No-because you're dealing with a certain level of dysfunction. There are alot of screwy people online, and the entire process itself is messed up, essentially shopping for that perfect someone. It's a form of addiction for some, a sport for others.

It seems to work for some people, but if it is not working for you, after a very lengthy amount of time, then you're not looking in the right place.

There is also the cold hard reality we have to face which is yes, physically attractive people are going to get more attention. I learned that in jr. high!

Give this nonsense a break. get off the computer...explore the world outside of that little screen. It's just too easy to dismiss people online..EYE CONTACT is SO important!! this generation of digital device users are so missing the point on how you form friendships and relationships..you have to BE there! Learn how to approach women in real life.

I wonder if people are so hung up on doing this all via computer that they have no real world skills when it comes to interacting with people.

I also think it's a shame that many YOUNG men get so discouraged and upset with women online that they carry that resentment into real life...now that's really going to poison you.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 217
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 2:03:51 PM

If I'm supposed to go older, then he better be open to that as well. It's just such a turn off for me. A 50 something year old guy looking for women 25-45 - really?? GTFO.


I feel like I have dissociative identity disorder in regards to age.

I never put in a filter for age on any dating site I have used, but I did have preferences.

In Thailand I wouldn't date someone much older than 40. Since the majority of women feel into the 33-40 age bracket and it's an age I was comfortable with, that was reasonable. And IM experience, people in Thailand don't age well past 60. But in the USA I would date any age including older than me. Mostly I would expect to date 45-68.

In the USA I was chatting for a few months with an 18 year old that was up for checking out how sex / dating was with an old dude. I was amused with how she put it. I suggested I could fly to Maine and we could give it a spin, but she hooked up with a younger man. Like 16 years old. She rather liked being in control and molding Vs being molded. I think younger women tend to be much more experimental in who they will date. But I would have been in a fine pickle if we both wanted to conitinue the relationship.

My ex-wife was 7 years older than me, and I got married when I was about 36.

On the Thai dating site I chatted for a time with another 18 year old, but she seemed naive and her goal was marriage. I was too put off by the idea of dating as a trial marriage (too much pressure) and at her age I felt like it would be a little too much for me to cope with not only now for especially when I got to be 75+. I would have to be her guide in life for 5 years, then later I would feel like I was holding her back.

I didn't really look at age much in the USA, it was much more about how unique someone was, and what their attitude about life was. If they had a young at heart attitude that was enough regardless of age.

Its rare that I find myself phyically challanged by anyone I dated, but one women that was 50 did want to me work out more to beef up my arms, but she was quite strong for a women. I could pin her, but she liked the feeling of being vastly overpowered sexually. Another thing that surprised and amused to me. I actually did start working out more with weights even after we stopped dating.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 218
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History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 2:13:24 PM
VolkanoKing: My last post was not meant to be taken as some sort of bitter anti-woman rant. It was a legitimate question I’m curious to know the answer to. Men are encouraged to do backflips on this site in order to succeed, but at the same time we are told it doesn’t matter how many backflips we do if there is no physical attraction. So what effect does doing backflips have on a woman that doesn’t find the man attractive? Besides, obviously, rejection.

Just what goes on inside a woman’s mind when she gets an outstanding email from an unattractive man?

As for your tangent, if women were falling all over themselves to get to me in “real life,” I certainly would not be destroying my self-esteem online. But you’re obviously plenty aware of the “aging factor” of dating: once you get to a certain age, meeting single people in general, much less sane single people without mountains of baggage, becomes extremely difficult, because all the good ones are in relationships that will last forever. I work in businesses and have hobbies where I meet dozens if not hundreds of new people every week, and almost none of them are single females in their 30s+, and I have only a couple of single childless friends left. Online dating is the only place where there are troves of available women near my age, and that’s because these sites take the few thousand single women scattered for miles throughout my area and put them conveniently at my fingertips. It IS obviously a double-edged sword, because a person with my statistics is far less likely to appeal to a woman online than in real life, but it doesn’t really matter how much more appealing I am in real life if I am not meeting any single women to use that appeal on. How goes your real world search for single men?

Dragonbits: Dude, I know the anti-child thing is a big negative (although to be fair, there are more women within +/- 5 years of my age that are childless on POF than have children – this is because most women with children are still with the fathers of their children; but obviously, the majority of childless women in that age range want children and having a loudly ticking clock). But it DOES NOT MATTER that it is a big negative because PEOPLE WHO DO NOT LIKE CHILDREN SHOULD NOT BE AROUND CHILDREN. So what do you want – for me to get into a relationship in which I neglect and/or abuse the woman’s kid? Because the chances of me learning to like kids are close to zero. And that includes adult kids – they’re often as bad as a woman’s siblings or her parents. Though, to be fair, unlike the siblings and parents thing, I can’t say I’ve had any personal experience with adult children. Just all observational.

Imok: I’ll give you the “vast majority” and “everyday” arguments, because quite frankly, if well-written first contact emails are rare in your age group, then they must be super-rare in mine and below – maybe I am fighting a lonely battle here. But I still say you yourself have an extremely rare attitude with “For me, a good message exchange would often trump what I thought of their pictures...” – in fact, that’s even rare for the forums, where the written word is supposedly king, because I can find dozens of examples around here of women declaring that it doesn’t matter what a guy writes if she doesn’t find him attractive – she’s not going to respond. I’m having trouble thinking of another case of a woman claiming what you just said.

You do seem a whole lot like many of the women I have had dates with, though. Most of them really didn’t seem to care what their dates looked like – they were much more drawn to personality FIRST as far as I could tell. There aren’t a lot of women like that left close to my age, because most of them are married, to guys smart enough to realize they’d better love a woman like that forever. (Although, interestingly, my ex-girlfriend falls into that category, and I’ve just learned that she recently got a divorce... thinking about giving her a call soon, see if I can get that highly dysfunctional relationship fired up again...)
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 219
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 2:27:04 PM
"Just what goes on inside a woman’s mind when she gets an outstanding email from an unattractive man?"

What goes thru my mind is to delete the message.

Because I USED to be nice and say no thank you to every man who wrote. That gesture was often met with abusive language. That I am cold, a dead fish, that I dont like sex, that they are glad I am sitting around on a dating site, or did I think I was too good for them. One guy stalked me around to other sites I was on and messaged me there, continuing the abuse.

I also got the guys who wanted me to tell them why I didnt find them attractive, what was it I didnt like? This is NOT a conversation I want to get into with someone, and its just a ruse for the guy to keep his foot in the door.

I've had guys tell me "thanks for the rejection"...and one guy wrote this full report on all my psychological issues he felt I had, including a "suppressed maternal urge."

So yeah. Delete is the first thought.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 220
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History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 4:23:07 PM
Volkano: I don't know why you want to twist up my question like that. That was in NO WAY one of those STUPID "Why don't women respond to every message?" whines, and you know it wasn't, which is why it's so annoying for you to respond like it is one.

Just nevermind. Imok already gave me a pretty good response.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 221
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History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 5:21:06 PM
@HawkingJr.

98.4% of the time, I really enjoy reading your posts. They seem very well thought out. Logical.

I mos def agree with what you wrote about the "double standard". I send phenomenally awesome, brief, targeted e-mails, and if/when I get a reply, it is often something along the lines of what I would imagine a 4th grader (who rides a blue bus to school) would write.

Been on POF for about 4 months, and EVERY woman (all 5 or 6 of them..........................who all appear to outweigh me by at least 50lbs) who has initiated an e-mail to me, has started and ended with:

"Hey"
or
"Hi"
or
"Your profile is funny."

How the fcuk am I supposed to respond to such nonsense (especially when the person 'claims' to have a master's degree)? They must be handing them out like candy nowadays.

I am as shallow as anybody else on POF however, there is a very good chance I would reply back to a woman that I wasn't particularly attracted to, IF she could manage to be creative, funny, and interesting. Stop laughing......................I know it'll never happen.

Troglodyte: "You're funny."

NikonGuy: "Yeah, I know."

WTF?
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 222
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 5:49:38 PM
[I think it's fine for a woman to just send a wink or a 'hi, nice profile' message. The man, however should put more thought and text to an initial message.]

Wink or hi,nice profile = lazy communicator = automatic deletion.

I've responded to those "hi" messages and all I got was lackluster responses. Not even a follow up question asking about me as a person or my interest. I'm not planning and paying for a date with someone who can't even put any effort into a first message. POF should at least give men the option to block winks and automated "hi".

It amazes me how many people join a dating site to meet someone and put little to zero effort into writing a profile, pictures, and messages to other people. You don't have to write a New York Times esque profile or have a professional photo but "ask me", "make me laugh", "hi " along with blurry, 5 year old photos, or what's clearly your family photo is the best one can do?
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 223
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 6:22:57 PM

I've responded to those "hi" messages and all I got was lackluster responses. Not even a follow up question asking about me as a person or my interest. I'm not planning and paying for a date with someone who can't even put any effort into a first message. POF should at least give men the option to block winks and automated "hi".


Da mn dude,

This is awesome. Exactly my feelings. It's the precursor of the prima dona that says, pay attention to me, yet had didley squat to offer.

This is a red flag of laziness, narcism, and simply boring. If a woman is not articulate enough to communicate in an email, particularly one that she has initiated, she's going to be boring as hell in real life. And... been there done that, didn't want the t-shirt.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 224
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 7:11:03 PM
I've responded to those "hi" messages and all I got was lackluster responses. Not even a follow up question asking about me as a person or my interest. I'm not planning and paying for a date with someone who can't even put any effort into a first message. POF should at least give men the option to block winks and automated "hi".


There is an option to change the requirement for the amount of characters in the first emails. It may be different for other people. But in my experience, there hasn't been a direct correlation between the quality of the first email and the quality of the subsequent emails. Many women that sent me winks or "How are you?" for the first email sent me subsequent emails that were longer and contained more information. Once mutual initial interest had been established.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 225
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History
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 9:26:08 PM
You guys seriously wouldn't respond to an attractive woman's short 1st message? I find that hard to believe. (I don't mean an inane-hey, or what's up'.) It's never been a problem for me and it's certainly not indicative of any communication defect...And if you have all your hopes and dreams squashed just because somebody didn't write back, well that's pretty sad, .
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 226
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 10:01:24 PM
I've responded to very short messages from guys because they were very attractive and had a good profile. However, the vast majority never responded back to me after I replied to their one or two word message. Some even blocked me after I responded. WTF??? Looks like women have the same problems as guys when it comes to OLD.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 227
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 10:07:32 PM

Anyway.... in the 4+ years I've been on online dating sites, I've received my fair share of messages. The vast majority were NOT well written, were not wordy. I certainly didn't receive a "well written" message every day or even every week.


Let's put the perspective of us guys into this, though.

I'm not necessarily saying you're one of these, but I'm staying open to the possibility.

Back when I first joined this site, it told you if your messages were read or not, that wasn't something you have to pay for. So you're going through this site, you find a girl you think is the best find on the site, you two have almost everything listed in common, you seem to have the same goal in life and relationships, this girl has a lot of potential. So you write this amazing message to her, you sit there putting time into writing it. Then a few days go by, and nothing. So you get curious, and you go see if maybe she just didn't read it yet, or if she did and it's the silent rejection, and what do you see next to her email? "Unread Deleted". OK, maybe she just cleaned out her inbox really quick, so you try a second time. And then again, a few days of nothing, so you look again... "Unread Deleted".

For so many girls on this site, you're never going to get that well though out first message unless you're willing to actually read the messages. But this was also years ago, what you're getting now might just be the burn out on so much wasted effort. Being rejected is fine, that's life, but at least read the message. It's nice to know that your effort was at least noticed.

It does kind of suck putting that effort in to get absolutely nowhere, and for all you know, she didn't even read the message.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 228
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 10:34:35 PM
"but at least read the message"

In regards to online dating, I don't understand the concept of mandating that people HAVE to "at least" do this or that.


People are free to do what they want. Read, respond, or delete without reading.


I would never ask guys to "at least read my message." Once I compose something and send it out, the guy is free to do with it what he pleases.

I think as long as you keep stewing about this, and have it dead set in your mind that women are obligated to "at least do this or at least so that" you're always going to be in a twist about it because in a way, it's a subtle way of imposing your will on someone.."at LEAST read it!" "at LEAST say no thanks!"

It's the other person's option..and complete freedom of choice-to respond or reject by any method she (or he) feels fit. You have to be prepared for all variables of that.
I guess from my experience, and the vast amount of "amazing guys I felt a total connection with"

I never thought twice about the no response thing. I just assumed they were not interested, and moved on to the next "amazing guy I felt a total connection with."

It never even occurred to me to think about it. His silence was my answer.


I guess I also dont understand why it's so darned important that *total strangers* acknowledge your messages. I could see caring if it was someone you were dating, that makes sense..needing a connection with the person you are closest to...but....strangers? Who could be married...time wasters...BSers...imposters...12 year old boys...attention wh*res....I mean really...it's THAT important? You have to know by now that the crop of "fish" in this sea are mostly bottom feeders...goons, loons and fake outs...haha I just wouldn't spend so much time tormenting yourself about the lack of replies.

Do you ever date offline?


 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 229
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/21/2014 10:40:05 PM
This is a wonderful reason why one should explore DELETING everything in his or her SENT box.
That way it is a pleasant surprise for many. Both genders must realize pressing that send button ensures nothing.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 230
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/22/2014 12:28:37 AM

For so many girls on this site, you're never going to get that well though out first message unless you're willing to actually read the messages. But this was also years ago, what you're getting now might just be the burn out on so much wasted effort. Being rejected is fine, that's life, but at least read the message. It's nice to know that your effort was at least noticed.

It does kind of suck putting that effort in to get absolutely nowhere, and for all you know, she didn't even read the message.


I think unread deleted is good info. If it happened often I would try changing my lead picture in the profile to see if that made a difference. I would rather get unread deleted than no information at all.

If changing pics didn't work, I would try other changes, then change dating sites, then locations I looking at. I had confidence something would work.

I would put about 5 min into a first msg, if something didn't strike me to say in 5 min then I am trying too hard, so I wouldn't put all that much effort into it.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 231
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/22/2014 6:12:50 AM
I don't think a woman has to read the first email if she doesn't like my photos and profile. But at the same time, don't complain about the first email not being long enough or not containing enough information when it is often has no impact on whether a woman is interested or not.
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