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 captnjimbo
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 301
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Can men and women be friends without sex?Page 13 of 53    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
I have no idea about you or who you date, but I have several former GF's with whom I have remained friends. We call and sometimes even visit back and forth. No sexual involvement. That's not where we are. Were at one time but have progressed to a place where that is not the issue. I value their friendship. I like them as who they are. Isn't that enough? It is for me. I know that my life style is not something they could live. They need more security that I. Or at least the illusion of security.
 singleguy64
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 302
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 5/28/2006 1:47:07 AM

I have to wonder about those who have had a best friend of the opposite sex who's always been there to help pick up the pieces after a failed romance. If you have someone who has a worthwhile personality and so on but you shunt him (or her) to the 'friends' category and go for the excitement of a romance that fails, sometimes over and over, I think you should re-evaluate the program. I'm trying to think if my happily married friends have any opposite sex best friends.


I was friends with all of my ex-GF's for several months (in one case, well over a year) before it became "more". And I'm still friends with them now, after. It doesn't guarentee (obviously) that it will work out, but I agree, I too often wonder about the people that go for the "excitement of a romance" over and over, usually with the same result, leaving this person that really cares about them, but just isn't so "exciting". Its the mystery of "chemistry" I guess.

As to the other part, yes.. I'm still friends with one of my ex's ex-best-friends (she pretty much alienated all of them after she dumped me, because they all liked me and thought she was stupid for dumping me). She's married, and I'm friends with her hubby too, and I knew them both before they were married, I've just known her longer (and even before they met, there certainly was no "attraction" between her and I other than friends).
 Emily175
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 303
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 5/28/2006 4:55:00 AM
Unfortunately, "yes". When one is committed elsewhere, then being 'friends only' is a possible alternative.
 single_too
Joined: 5/24/2006
Msg: 304
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 5/29/2006 7:07:36 AM
You make a very good point! I could not be with someone that could not trust my judgement as far as my friends are concerned. Sure I would not place any one before my significant other, yet in our attempt to remain secure, I would say it must remain a priority.After all we do some time find ourselves in akward situations and be tempted, even if we are all alone and and no one ever knows what we had thought.
In this day and time, I believe when you have a "true" friend that cares about you, they would not do any thing to foster the kinds of behavior that would jepordize your relationship/marriage. Not to mention, we men tend to think we are right allllllllllll the time, and sometimes we need the objective view of a woman.
I know at least for me, during this time of being single, I have had enough hurt, and the more female friends I have the more I have to ask how to pursue the ONE the Lord puts in my life to be my wife.
 raconteur
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 305
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 5/29/2006 10:17:12 PM
the same thing can be said of women. my ex-gf whom i met from this site went on tons of dates with "friends" she had met. and expected me not to be jealous. well, i wasn't jealous, i was hurt. if i'd gone out with other girls while living with her, she would have tossed my stuff out the window! so when i moved out in january, she was all shocked. "why would you leave me?"
"because you wouldn't stop seeing other men." really, it's not a whole lot to ask of someone with whom you've been living for 6 months.

so this garbage about men being "sexual beings" is partially true. but just don't forget that what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 306
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 5/30/2006 7:35:05 AM
Let me see. Female friends without sex.
- Two sisters
- One supervisor
- Five niecies
- Six neighbours
-
 countryslim01
Joined: 10/19/2005
Msg: 307
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 5/30/2006 8:11:47 AM
Yes, I have a few female friends that I Love in a platonic way, and I feel like having sex with them would ruin our relationships. I wish to keep the security of Not having to perform as a lover, but as a close friend and confident. Not that they are not attractive, but I think to hit on them would betray trust and security, and I value what we do have more than an affair. I like the Company of Females, but I can't have more than one lover, ever!

If I were in a Relationship, I would have to curtail any visiting or dating to be fair to the commitment of my SO, especially if she is uncomfortable. I would wish that they could be friends as well, and I've always attempted to introduce them to each other. I prefer peace and harmony and there is nothing I'd like better than to have a family of many Sisters to care for.
 Indigo Rose
Joined: 12/14/2005
Msg: 308
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 5/30/2006 8:23:33 AM
Just don't get that giving up friends bull puckey but anyhooo I have always had male friends .
I don't care how many years there is still a sexual current that runs through the friendship.
 SUCKAFISH
Joined: 2/10/2006
Msg: 309
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 5/30/2006 8:28:26 AM
well, yes-they CAN
but...




wait! there is no 'BUT'
jeez PEOPLE!

'MEN/WOmen NOT able to be FRIIIINDS'???
no wonder this world is such a scary awful place

sheesh
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 310
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Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 5/30/2006 8:33:03 AM
Many of us have friends of the opposite sex and usually that happens because one has the spark but not the other, so you limit your connection sexually and just enjoy the other as a friend.

Some times you will find those that neither have the sexual attraction but enjoy the communications of each other and you are friends for that reason. Most of these are usually a result of work place situations or family.

Just my opinion....
 knoxjbp
Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 311
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 5/30/2006 8:35:17 AM
No..no...and no

and while we're continuing to delude ourselves with fanciful farces let's pretend that we're ok with our SO going out with exes; of course it'll be purely plutonic and if the SO doesn't like it he/she can go suck eggs with their insecure self.



 singleguy64
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 312
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 5/30/2006 2:22:19 PM

and while we're continuing to delude ourselves with fanciful farces let's pretend that we're ok with our SO going out with exes; of course it'll be purely plutonic and if the SO doesn't like it he/she can go suck eggs with their insecure self.


haha.. funny, actually, my ex-GF and I work together, we both work from home but a couple times a year both hit the office (she's 3+ hrs away, usually does a hotel for a night or two)... we do dinner together and chat, next time she's down I have a challenge to beat her at playing pool... strictly friends, a hug goodnight, and I go home (and not to her hotel room ).

But, she's told me last year she'd given him that ultimatum to the boyfriend. I'm her friend, and if he's not ok with that and its me or him, he can find another girlfriend.

Actually, he's IM'd me a few times, we've talked on the phone, seems like a nice guy, I think he's trying to be my friend, because I'm her friend.. and I'm ok w/ that. She is *majorly* high maintenance, I wish them well together, her an I do fine as friends but relationship is another story
 tippysue
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 313
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 5/30/2006 2:26:25 PM
yeah i have some friend that are...
 msfoxxy
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 314
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 5/30/2006 2:32:43 PM
YES IT HAPPENS I HAVE A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS THAT I JUST LIKE TO HANG OUT WITH AND NOTHING HAPPENS COULD BE BASED ON HOW WELL YOU TRUST SOMEONE
 Casey9
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 315
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 5/31/2006 5:52:30 PM
I totally agree. My best friend in the whole world is a guy. we've been crazy close for 10 years now. He's dated my friends, I've dated his, and there has never been any question of us hooking up. He is my brother, and I'd do anything for him. In my drunkest of drunks, it hasn't even crossed my mind. I love him too much like family to ever screw it up by dating him.
 cartographer
Joined: 3/20/2006
Msg: 316
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 5/31/2006 6:52:04 PM
I've had 4 platonic friends who never asked for sex. I never asked for it. One who has invited me to their wedding in 4 months. Two who later told me they were seeing someone else. One who lives with overprotective parents and was never able to get over the fact it was a long distance relationship and try to appear more committed. And sex never came in the picture. So while there is obviously a yearning for it, we never got to the point that it was a must or else the relationship can't proceed. A lot of people out there just aren't ready for relationships, some who are who can handle the lack of sex. One acquaintance who wanted it on the first date! I certainly wasn't ready to ready to rush into it and I thought she was too much, so as much as I might have wanted it, I didn't feel right at that time, so I said no, and nothing happened. I hardly got to know her enough. So yes we get many false starts. Eventually I'm sure something will come up. Three of these people I still keep in contact with on occasion. At this time, I'd like to date someone else, as these contacts are infrequent enough and it would be great to have an additional person in my life who really meant something to me. I enjoy being with myself, though after awhile I question how selfish is it?
 story writer
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 317
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/2/2006 12:13:04 AM
I am amazed at this thread..and that don't happen to often.

I admit I haven't read everyone of the responses to this, but of all those I have, not one has faced the truth.

Men and woman can be friends without sex for goodness sakes. They can be casual friends, better friends, and even best of friends. And nowhere is it stated or otherwise mentioned that they have sex with each other. Sheesh Grow up people.

The best frined I have ever had is a man. No big deal, no one ever thinks anything of it when he and I go out to do whatever. We are not gay, we are friends and have been for a long time. We have talked about everything under the sun over the years and we know more about each other than anyone else knows about us. That is what friends are, people ya can trust with anything.

I also have a very great friend that is female. She is amazingly beautiful, more fun than anyone I have ever met, and the most honest woman I have ever met. She is open and upfront about everything she does, and she will talk to me about anything. Alot of folks think her and I have this mad love affair going. That her and I sleep with each other all the time.

The truth is, we have never been together in a sexual way. Several years now and neither of us has mentioned going to bed with the other. We dance close, We laugh, we go out to dinner, we sing together, we do just about everything together, but we don't have sex. Hell, our lips have only touched maybe five or six times. Those few times were from special events, the last being when she moved away. She has cried on my shoulder till my shirt was soaked, we have spent evenings together, I have taken her home when she was to drunk to drive, we have even went on trips together. Still, no sex what so ever. We talk on the phone alot now, and we still laugh at those who swear we slept together. We laugh cause they are so insecure they couldn't handle what we do with each other.

If you are in a relationship and your other can't trust you to see a friend of the opposite sex, you have a problem. That problem is called jelousy. I believe everyone of us has some jelousy in us, it is those that are the most insecure that have the most. I am not the jelous type at all. Very seldom have I ever felt any jelousy toward anyone I have been with. Any of them I really care alot for, I trust them to the extent I know I don't have to be jelous. Because I am not the jelous type, I don't know how to deal with those that are. It bothers me immensly to take a gal out, and her get all riled up just cause I happen to talk with another gal. It is a slap in the face to me, a total lack of trust on their part. It also will run me off as fast as anything can. Jelousy is nothing more than a lack of trust to me. And if I am not to be trusted, then I am not going to see that gal anymore. Period.

Anyone that has a problem with their other half's seeing opposite sex friends, well, learn to trust them, or if ya can't trust them, leave them. No way will the relationship work in the long run. Just be honest enough to know if it is you not being able to trust them, or them really not being honest enough to earn your trust. There is alot of difference in the two. Both will destroy any relationship.

Ya'll have a Great Day!!!!!
 akalittleman13
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 318
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/2/2006 4:33:38 PM

Yes, I believe it is called "platonic" friendship. I suspect if you work, you have friends of both sexes at work, doesn't mean you have to go out and "play". You can have a successful breakup (love each other but know you're not right for each other) and remain friends w/out sex. It is humanly possible. It boils down to each individual person is and what their comfort level is. Some are comfortable with their partners having friends of the opposite sex, while others aren't.


what about when one member in the relationship breaks it off while the other did not want to, yet the one who ended the relationship wants to continue the friendship; even concidering you a best friend?
 thegreatrockyhill
Joined: 12/26/2005
Msg: 319
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/2/2006 7:13:40 PM
I've had friendships with women w/o sex. It can happen. I've never had a FWB.
 lordghost
Joined: 5/31/2006
Msg: 320
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/3/2006 6:02:00 AM
I think that men and women can definately be friends without having sex. I think the problems come in when people actually stop and consider why they actually started thier friendship. Personally I don't worry about a person's looks or status in life when I considering on wether not I should be thier friend. Those people who build friendships souly based off of people looks and status will always have shallow friendhips. But thats just my personal opinion.
 Bookworm70
Joined: 11/14/2004
Msg: 321
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Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/5/2006 2:12:42 PM
Yes, it is possible for guys and girls to enjoy honest and healthy friendships. People do it all the time. But there can be real problems; it is a lot more complicated than many girls think it is. The reason is that a sexual undercurrent often exists between two such friends. It can be tricky and dangerous if the friendship goes too far. If a girl flirts with her guy friends, encourages and trades sexual innuendoes, goes out and gets drunk with them, spends lots of time alone with them, etc., then they are cultivating an environment where really bad decisions can be made in the heat of the moment. It is only natural for people to develop feelings for each other the more time they spend together.

Here is a quote from a psychology article:

In a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Sapadin asked more than 150 professional men and women what they liked and disliked about their cross-sex friendships. Topping women's list of dislikes: sexual tension. Men, on the other hand, more frequently replied that sexual attraction was a prime reason for initiating a friendship, and that it could even deepen a friendship. Either way, 62 percent of all subjects reported that sexual tension was present in their cross-sex friendships.

62 percent. And that's just the people that are aware of it. I am willing to bet that there are many more women who don't realize that their guy friends want more than friendship.

Here is another quote, this one from a college research paper found online:

According to recent research, anywhere from 58% to 62% of people in cross-sex relationships report sexual attraction or sexual tension (Afifi, 2000). This finding makes it seem that, at least for most cross-sex friends, a sexual element definitely is present, and perhaps Harry was right when he said that men and women cannot be friends without sex getting in the way. This sexual element is perceived by some as a negative in the relationship, while others see it as a positive and feel it spices up the friendship. Whether the sexual attraction is seen as a positive or negative in the relationship, it has always been assumed by researchers that if any sexual relations did develop between a man and a woman in a cross-sex friendship, they occurred after the friendship had shifted to a romantic relationship. In essence, the belief was that once sex entered the relationship, the two people involved took the relationship to a different level (Afifi, 2000). However, in a study by Afifi and Faulkner (2000), 26% of participants reported having sex with a cross-sex friend. Of those participants who had engaged in sexual intercourse, only 13% reported having since become romantic partners. The majority of people in this study felt the sexual encounter had improved the relationship quality (Afifi, 2000). This study seems to suggest that not only is sexual tension very much a part of most cross-sex friendships, but also sexual intercourse is often involved. Even after such elements presented themselves in the relationship, most of the males and females remained friends. This disproved the notion that men and women are either in a platonic relationship or a sexual, romantic relationship.
 TexasTori41
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 322
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/5/2006 4:43:37 PM
I think that men and women can be friends and that sex definitily will put a strain on the relationship. I never thought of sex with my friends and recently we all went out as a group and I ended up with one of my "friends" who ended up hitting on me I thought he was joking and joked about it and went home. He hasn't spoken to me since. Why is that? I thought we were friends which means no sex in my book.
 Bookworm70
Joined: 11/14/2004
Msg: 323
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Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/5/2006 4:51:02 PM

I think that men and women can be friends and that sex definitily will put a strain on the relationship. I never thought of sex with my friends and recently we all went out as a group and I ended up with one of my "friends" who ended up hitting on me I thought he was joking and joked about it and went home. He hasn't spoken to me since. Why is that? I thought we were friends which means no sex in my book.

It's because most guys look at cross-sex friendships differently than most girls do. What's sad is that when guys try to convince girls of this, we tend to get accused of being insecure, jealous, controlling, etc etc. It never ceases to amaze me the extremes of denial that some people go to. Research has proven this to be the case most of the time, but still there are people that deny it. This is why many guys have a problem with their girlfriends/wives having close friendships with other guys, especially if that other guy is single.
 neseemoo
Joined: 6/2/2006
Msg: 324
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/5/2006 5:38:32 PM
Good thred with lots of perspectives. I have many male friends, always have. If someone comes on to me, and it has happened, like a nudge, a testing of the waves, and I'm not interested, I let it be known. (Hey, you're like a brother to me, I really like that I can hang out without complications.) It works well, and I often felt like they thought they needed to test that, some kinda manhood thing I think. But once clear, life's fine. I also have friends who are lesbian, and often as not I have to say the same thing. (Hey I'm flattered, but not attracted to you in that way.) I find the women are easier to be straight with. (get it? be straight with?) OK, so bottom line. I have had male friends all my life. And male lovers. If my male lover can't trust me, then he does not know me at all. On the other hand. I have had a partner who wanted all the same trust rights, but DID f.... around with his so called friends. Soooo from my limited experience, it really is a person thing. Some people, their trust is worthy and others it is really not. Trust the guts! They can't be lied to.
 TexasTori41
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 325
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/6/2006 6:50:09 AM
So bookworm how do I fix it. I liked having him as a friend, I would never have hurt him for anything. I just don't want him to feel like I am keeping him around in case things don't work out with the present man I am seeing. I have read several posts where men feel like that is what we are doing. I guess you are right about us getting defensive but honestly the thought hadn't crossed my mind, maybe when I first met him but then after all this time of being friends just don't feel that way about him or any of my male friends.
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