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 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 87
Can men and women be friends without sex?Page 4 of 53    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
Okay, think I'm strange, it wouldn't be the first time. I personally make a sharp distinction between men I'd like to date or sleep with, whatever and men who I'd want to be just friends with. I will admit it's partly a physical thing, there has to be a physical attraction to stimulate a sexual interest. I didn't think that was weird, and let me add that it's not the Fabio male model type of physical attraction either. I'm not particularly drawn to male model looking types and pretty boys who are too into themselves really turn me off. Maybe you'll find this funny, imagine that, but I used to say I had a rule that I wouldn't date a man who was prettier than me. Call me insecure, but it sure made my friends laugh like crazy!! Alright, back to serious..ugh..well physical attraction is just that, usually it's not particularly one or several physical features, I do like a nice tight azz, but not a biggie. It's just men that their physical presence turns me on, often a sexy voice makes me melt and a man who really looks at you with piercing eyes...yeah that sort of thing. Face it, some men are just sexy, or sexy to me and some aren't. I've had very good close male friends, whether they wanted into my pants or not is not normally talked about although some have said so and it's just been taken care of and put out of the way. They still want to be friends, so if they're my friend to get another shot, well maybe I'm unaware of that. But they sure don't treat me like a "girl", they treat me more like one of the guys and I like that. Some of these men I've known a good many years and intellectually they'd be a great catch, hell I already love them to bits, but when I try to think of them as a romantic attachment, well it's just NOT there. I think it'd be strange and I'm thinking of one or two in particular I've known upwards of 8 years. They've had girlfriends, and wow to think they'd spend THAT much time with me and tell me all their personal private stuff just for a future chance of sleeping with me? Sorry, but I honestly don't think they want me THAT bad. I do think of them like brothers and they treat me more than like a sister, more like a good guy friend. Maybe this is where I'm strange or weird, but these distinctions between interested romantically or not tend to make themselves evident to me fairly soon after meeting them. I've never become sexually attracted later to someone who's been a friend for any length of time. I can't do the FWB, just can't but I don't criticize those who do or can. I'm very much a live and let live and to each their own type of person. As long as everyone's upfront and honest and not trying to hurt anyone, go do whatever makes you happy. I'm with t d & h, I don't need privacy with my male friends, unless it's to discuss something privately that they don't want anyone else to be privy to. My friends male and female know who they are and know I love them and they're very special and dear to me. Lovers, boyfriends and all come and go, but you always have your friends. I treat mine like gold, they're all treasures.
 queenrhiannon
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 88
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Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:18:04 PM
td and h
are you god? Do you know our lives? You are not - so don't post things you know nothing about..
I donot crave the attention, sorry - I don't have hang ups and need to surround myself with men to make myself feel better - there are women that can do that...
And I don't really give a you know what if you don't think we are cool - we don't live for your opinions.
Obviously you haven't had many friends, or have lived life well enough to know what is rea and what is not.

And I am not going to defend such trivial things to small minded people!
 queenrhiannon
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 89
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Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:21:47 PM
bucsgirl
But you read some of these posts - and we are supposed to be all gullible and dumb when it comes to males wanting to be our friends, see we have no control over our lives, but some on here know all!
Yet the fail to read the posts on how that sort of friendship can be (like with me) brothers and sisters - and that to think of sleeping with them (and them with me) would be incest.
 who_the_fox
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 90
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:25:33 PM
Ummm...I have one male friend that I do things with that I am not going to be able to do with a bf/lover/fwb....
We occasionally train together, spend time discussing nutrition, training splits, periodization, supplements and posing routines...etc etc. Unless I am hooking up with another competitive bodybuilder I will still be hanging with my buddy now and then!!
 Lazyboyz
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 91
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:26:32 PM
TD&H: Apparently YOU are encapable of carrying on a mature relationship with the opposite sex on a friendship basis. We all have our handicaps I suppose. What makes you think
that sex is a constant in ANY relationship?
 queenrhiannon
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 92
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Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:28:39 PM
but remember - he is doing it because he doesn't respect you

he wants to get in his pants

according to a good portion of the posts here (notice they are almost all by males- who obviously don't have it in them to have that sort of respect for a woman

(some people cannot get the point we can be friends without sex)
 queenrhiannon
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 93
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Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:30:02 PM
lazyboyz

I think its the guys on here that are not getting enough and have sex on the brain 24 hours a day that have difficulty dealing with the fact it can work that way.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 94
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:40:49 PM
queen I have an exboyfriend who was amused at all my male friends and said point blank, men and women cannot be friends, these guys all like you because they want to sleep with you. I'll make this brief, I no longer have him as a boyfriend, he was out in left field in many areas, and a serious alcoholic to boot, but I still have all my male friends. They are like my brothers, but we do share things in convo I would never tell my in the flesh brothers. hahah I know you get my drift. I love these guys to pieces, I'd do anything in the world for them and they've told me many times the same thing.
 Lazyboyz
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 95
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:48:34 PM
Every girl on POF i've ever chatted w/ or made a friendship with will tell you that I have
never made any sexual references to them. Before you can begin a friendship or even develop
romantic one's, you'd have to demonstrate that you are capable of
being a friend. Since when does sex come before friendship? Most would say meaningful and romantic relationships begin with a real friendship....hmmmm...is this even news?

The real question should be: why won't you have ANY opposite friendships? ....you just wrote off 50% of the population.

There are things in life that , as a man, I would never imagine discussing w/ a guy ....women are AWESOME....alot to learn from them.
 imjustme1980
Joined: 7/10/2005
Msg: 96
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:52:03 PM
WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE THINK THAT THEY CANT HAVE A FRIEND OF THE OTHER GENDER WITH OUT HAVING TO TAKE THEM TO BED. I HAVE MANY GUY FRIENDS I GREW UP WITH AND I HAVE NEVER WENT TO BED WITH ANY OF THEM. WHEN U HAVE KNOWN PEOPLE SO LONG THEY R NOT SOMEONE U THINK OF IN THAT WAY AT ALL. MY GUY FRIENDS AND I GO TO THE BAR AND HAVE DRINKS SOMETIMES THEY BRING THERE GIRLFRIENDS AND WIVES BUT NEVER DO I BRING A GUY WITH ME, SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO HAVE FRIENDS THAT R JUST YOUR FRIENDS. PEOPLE U CAN HONESTLY TALK TO ABOUT YOUR WORRIES WITH OUT HURT FEELINGS OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS
 queenrhiannon
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 97
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Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 6:12:55 PM
bucsgirl

Its amazing that there are narrow minded people out there that feel they cannot have a respectful relationship with someone without jumping into the sac. But I agree with you - they are more my brothers, and exactly would defend me to the death - as I them...
And good for you about your ex - everyone has to go through a couple of those I guess for 'growing experiences'

and lazyboyz - one word for you..

(or should I say action lol)

Imjustintime...
I think its not worth us wasting our breath on these people who sadly will never experience a wonderful friendship that it could be due to either being oversexed, or under educated - in life.
 queenrhiannon
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 98
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Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 6:18:12 PM
AGain - god has spoken - NOT
READ OUR POSTS
they are our 'brothers' and they are not secretly sexually wanting us...
some of them have been friends with for over 15 - 20 years -I think after that much time of no sexual contact - a man if thats all he wanted would leave don't you?

(oh yah - and the boys that I made friends with at the age of 6 really wanted to get my pants off and give it too me -wake up)

I really hope one day you would actually get to a point in your life where you can be in such a relationship - but as I said it sounds like you are very narrow minded on such things.

but I am tired of writing the same things over again to you - when you clearly do not read our posts (as you accuse us)...
 Lazyboyz
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 99
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 6:24:31 PM
These guys who secretly harbour sexual desires are not the "friends" you think they are, regardless of how long it's been going on. How many times have you seen a couple break up and then thier "friends" suddenly start hitting on them..."


It's trust issue that YOU have. It only confirms what we've been saying all along. YOU
simply can not appreciate a friendship from a woman because you are "harbouring sexual desires" with each and everyone of them. But also you don't appreciate that not everybody shares your perspective.

We are all different because of our experiences. I don't tell my gf to stop talking
with her male friends because I entered into her life one day. She's now suppose to send
a form e-mail to all her friends telling them good-bye? For what? A pre-emptive
strike?...just in case?

Dude....nevermind.
 queenrhiannon
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 100
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Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 6:28:28 PM
lazyboyz

again...

 Just Me 176
Joined: 9/15/2005
Msg: 101
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 6:38:03 PM
I don't agree with you tyric. If your relationship is strong enough, you should be able to have female friends and she should be able to have male friends, and if you want to go out for coffee, a drink occasionally, the trust should be there for you to be able to that. Whether or not they are an attractive male/female friend. It almost sounds like if you are in a relationship it should be just the two of you without being able to go out with a friend of the opposite sex.

However, the going out with 2-6 women at time is another story.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 102
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Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 6:47:45 PM
I would say for me and most that are on here, that we have more friends then relationships, and I think that is the way it should be. Friends are very special and you take care of them and situations in one way; relationships are beyond friendship and into soulmates and sexual desires.

I truly believe that you can have a lover that is a friend, but I do not think you can have a friend be a lover.....if you understand what I mean.....
 lonelybbwinforeman
Joined: 7/18/2005
Msg: 103
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 6:53:32 PM
a man and woman can be friends without sex being envolved. my best friend, for the past 14 years, is a straight man. he is very attractive. but i could never see myself being intimate with him. we have talked about it several times over the years but always come to the agreement that our friendship is more important. we don't want to mess things up with sex.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 104
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Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 7:02:29 PM
Factually, FYI, the Original Poster (OP) was a female stating she thought it Odd her BF had a lot of female friends. So, although lots of us guys have actually thought through the ramifications and consequences of dubious behavior, the OP was a woman.

If I was her BF and Lover, and hopefully Best Friend too, I wouldnt want her to worry a snit about any possible indescretions. Its kinda like sending little love letters and putting those romantic notes on the toilet seat, its a sign of my love for her. Or should I ask her to "trust me" that I love her, why should I need to demonstrate it? Ya know , "all based on trust"? I wonder how many of these beaten women trusted the guy? Maybe not you....

Ya, see, I could come in here and say how faithful me and my female friends are, but unless I act like it, why should she trust me? I read some posts on the other forums ABOUT CHEATERS! Hmmm. Your partner wont need to even think about you cheating if you aren't hanging around with singles of the opposite sex. ETC
 Lazyboyz
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 105
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 7:11:15 PM
Loyalty and trust....how are you showing trust when you are basically ORDERING her to
dump all her friends? When you tell someone you trust them but secretly you are wanting her to dump all her friends because you're an insecure man - betray's your words.

You're best described as a hypocritical LIAR

You can't have loyalty when you don't have trust. The foundation of your relationship is
founded on quicksand - it's a matter of time before you sink!

I have an idea: move to Iraq and have her wear a hijab! ...I mean, you've demonstrated
exactly the same sense of trust as they do for their women in the middle-east.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 106
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Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 7:14:41 PM
Well, maybe if you were a little more trustworthy and not hanging out with so many men, when you are dating one, women around you would respect you and surprisingly, the drama would go away. I cant argue with drama queens, Please ladies, like Hillary Clinton said "it takes a village to raise a child" (she was talking about other females) not single guys who are hanging around you when your Hubby isnt looking. And I cant argue with guys who only hang around with chicks, people who still have the same circle of friends they had when they were 6, folks who smoke 2 packs cigarrettes a day (is that "normal"?). I'm kinda joking about that, but does anyone ever wonder what normal people do? What if I said my best friends were 6 wanna be rapists? Is that ok with you? Is it normal?

Ok So you didnt have sex with your guy friends. Good on you! And I didnt get in a Car Crash today, so I shouldnt be cautious and wear my seatbelt?

Guys who only hang around with chicks, and people who still have the same circle of friends they had when they were 6. I'm kinda joking about that, but does anyone ever wonder what normal people do?

This whole issue is about respect, not about how others can respect me, but how I can respect others, namely my lover and committed partner. I bet my female friends aren't loosing any sleeeeeeep.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 107
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Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 7:19:15 PM
Now you cant call anyone a liar, thats insulting, weakens your argument, and might get you suspended from POF.

I have no way of knowing how much my lover trusts me, so, I show her how much I respect her. I probably wouldnt be so serious about this, except this woman did have a date with her EX BF "just as friends" a few weeks after I met her, and now, he is in therapy grieving about the break up 5 years ago. Well how can that be you say? Men and women can be friends and not have sex. What do you guess the NUMBERS ARE on that? Since some of you are the rare exception.

And these two didn't cheat, they just weren't that deep on the "relationship rules" . I like having rules and discipline and commitment in my life. Recently, she told him "no more, I have a man in my life". I didnt order anyone to dump anyone, why did you say that? I said, I demonstrate my love, faithfulness, and trustworthyness by not hanging around alone with the opposite sex.

And since one lady mentioned not getting laid--- I'm getting laid a lot because of my good character and honesty (I dont try and convince her the weird things I do are normal either)
 Lazyboyz
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 108
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 7:22:38 PM
I'm sorry - the "liar" comment was generalizational. It was sort of like what YOU were suggesting about the rest of us earlier, but in sooooo many words.

If you're getting laid alot, I'm happy for you, just don't expect to
be involved in any long term relationships. That part I PERSONALLY believe is history
for you. ...but with the bad experience behind you, though....you may want to consider joining
your friend in therapy on learning how to trust again and to learn to appreciate the fact that
we are all different. Your friend didn't seem to grasp that fact and THUS its
head shrinking time.

....he forgot to check his baggage at the door.
 carribeanking7
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 109
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 7:28:44 PM
ahhhh the 1980's were so uncomplicated..
a time of friendly lovers and lovely friends.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 110
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Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 7:30:18 PM
Ahh Yes, THREES COMPANY (oh Jack!) and those "lover friends".
 james78
Joined: 9/3/2005
Msg: 111
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 7:34:14 PM
i think they can be
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