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 jezebellpgh
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 1015
Can men and women be friends without sex?Page 51 of 53    (13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53)
Yaris:

If that is the case, then the romantic feeling was there at the very start. In my case or cases from the very beginning, the male friendships were very platonic. There is no hugging and kissing whatsoever.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 1016
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/1/2010 5:22:31 AM
I used to think so, I don't think so anymore.

Just had another male friend do a melt-down on me. I'm tired of losing friends this way, I'm going to hang out with the girls from now on.
 Zinn02115
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 1017
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/1/2010 2:28:14 PM
Yes it is possible. I have quite a few female friends and few male friends. Of course with the women sometimes your mind does wander and you can't help but notice how attractive a female friend may be. I also think you can be friends with sex...which was the case with a friend of mine a few years ago.......but that's just me.
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 1018
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/1/2010 3:16:46 PM
I have quite a few female friends and few male friends. Of course with the women sometimes your mind does wander and you can't help but notice how attractive a female friend may be.
That's basically reinforcing that it's generally not ideal and so why choose a 'friendship' which inherently comes with built in problems over one that's comparatively simple? (AKA friends of the same gender). If a guy has a seemingly endless well of women to draw from and is never for want of a romantic relationship then yeah maybe that guy can have some female "friends" though I'd think they would probably be more 'acquaintances' than friends. This is the central conundrum: If a guy likes a woman enough to be her 'friend' and they do all the things real friends do why would he NOT want to take it to the next level? Exactly...he WOULD! There are some things that would prevent this; among them: marital status, she's lesbian, he's gay.

52 pages of this.......stop the madness people. It's like someone who keeps punching a brick wall bare fist thinking this time it will hurt less and I'll break through... Some people must desperately want what they think is on the other other side to do that to themselves...
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/19/2010
Msg: 1019
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/1/2010 3:21:48 PM
Yes. Next question?


seriously... it is actually a lot easier for them to be friends without sex than it is for them to be friends without there developing some kind of intimacy; which sometimes can be as emotionally compelling as sex... and just as damaging to other relationships...


That's why people that enter friendships to "intimately share" with someone with no intention of cheating oftentimes find themselves falling in love with the person (they have all the good and none of the bad; since they only see the good and caring and sharing parts of each other, not the everyday warts everyone has), and say that oft-told line "I didn't MEAN to fall in love with them... it just happened"...


but it could not have happened without knowingly going into something where both talked about emotionally intimate things, and letting the other person in a place that oftentimes one keeps one's own loved one out of...



though it is also possible to have "platonic brother-sister" freinds too; the kind you have a beer with and play darts with; where there is nothing remotely intimate; it is two people hanging out; talking about everything and nothing and enjoying time just like a girlfriend (if one is a girl, or a fellow guy if one is a guy).


so think it's easier to be friends without sex than it is to be friends with certain people without intimacy of the emotional kind.
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 1021
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/1/2010 8:46:20 PM
done to death....but just to add another done to death statement...here it goes...

a man can ONLY be friends with a women if any of following applies....

1. He is gay
2. He is not attracted to you sexually or romantically
3. He is getting sex from someone else he feels is better than you

People love to dispute this....but its the truth....
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 1022
view profile
History
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/1/2010 8:46:34 PM

but as soon as the football game goes on, and the poker game begins ..and the dirty jokes go flying around the room... the boys club begins. Lets see how they hold onto the word "friendship" after that.

Hmmm.......I hold on just fine thank you!
And I host these Football/Poker games at my own house regularly!
And I'm usually the first one to tell the dirty joke
Been doing it for quite a few years and haven't fuked the 1st one of them yet!
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 1023
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/1/2010 9:25:34 PM
Hmmm.......I hold on just fine thank you!
And I host these Football/Poker games at my own house regularly!
And I'm usually the first one to tell the dirty joke
Been doing it for quite a few years and haven't fuked the 1st one of them yet!
Sports and dirty jokes? That's many mens wheelhouse so that's no surprise at all. That doesn't mean your situation is commonplace though. Also try proposing them when they are vulnerable (drunk..been alone forever...have decided to eat dry catfood instead of human food etc) and see what they say. It's condition dependent. Drunk and/or lonely same gender hetero friends don't exactly have that vulnerability. That's the big difference.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 1024
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/2/2010 4:47:04 PM
There's at least three different scenarios wrapped up in that question:

1) Can men and women come together with the express purpose of a non-sexual relationship? Sure, but why bother? I have no need for a "friend" who won't back me up in a bar fight...

2) Can a man be friends with a woman after he's expressed romantic interest in her, and she has made it clear that she does not reciprocate (i.e., she's savaged his ego and wounded his pride, and is offering "friendship" as a consolation prize... )? Probably not.

3) Can a man and a woman go from a sexual relationship to a non-sexual relationship that involves close friendship? Absolutely not (you'll hear from women who say they're "best friends" with their former lovers; very little questioning is required to discover that their definition of "friends", is what most men would classify as "people whom it wouldn't be worth beating up"... Seriously, many of women's so-called "friends", are what guys would call "passing acquaintances").

Decide which question you're asking before you pretend to know the answer...

Dr. ES...
 MarriedMommy
Joined: 10/3/2010
Msg: 1025
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/2/2010 5:08:27 PM
I believe that they can.

My husband and his ex gf are still friends. Actually we are all 3 friends and her 18 year old son calls my husband dad because he does not have a father figure in his life. I'll admit the first time he referred to him as dad I was a bit taken back..the boy is 1/2 black... Long story.

His ex gf lives 3 houses down from us and has been totally supportive of our whole relationship because she sees that he is happy.
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 1026
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/2/2010 7:54:40 PM
He is her friend because he falls into one of the categories...

getting sex from someone else he thinks is better than his female friend
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 1027
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/3/2010 4:03:53 PM

(PregnantLady) My husband and his ex gf are still friends. Actually we are all 3 friends and her 18 year old son calls my husband dad because he does not have a father figure in his life. I'll admit the first time he referred to him as dad I was a bit taken back..the boy is 1/2 black... Long story.

His ex gf lives 3 houses down from us and has been totally supportive of our whole relationship because she sees that he is happy.


Sorry, I forgot a category:

Is it possible for two people, who previously had a sexual relationship, to put aside their own ego-gratification for an over-riding c0ncern? Not common, but possible (and, a different question...)

I love it when people come up with ONE case, and think that this invalidates the other one million...

Dr. ES...
 MarriedMommy
Joined: 10/3/2010
Msg: 1028
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/3/2010 7:51:12 PM
I'm just saying they have stayed friends for 8 years and after they broke up that was it. I'd trust him 100% to be alone with her because I know they can be just friends.
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 1029
view profile
History
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/4/2010 5:27:41 AM

1) Can men and women come together with the express purpose of a non-sexual relationship? Sure, but why bother? I have no need for a "friend" who won't back me up in a bar fight...


So you only hang out with people at least as strong as you are, who are able and willing to fight strangers ?

Must cut down on the numbers, I'd guess.


2) Can a man be friends with a woman after he's expressed romantic interest in her, and she has made it clear that she does not reciprocate (i.e., she's savaged his ego and wounded his pride, and is offering "friendship" as a consolation prize... )? Probably not.


Here, we agree.


3) Can a man and a woman go from a sexual relationship to a non-sexual relationship that involves close friendship? Absolutely not (you'll hear from women who say they're "best friends" with their former lovers; very little questioning is required to discover that their definition of "friends", is what most men would classify as "people whom it wouldn't be worth beating up"... Seriously, many of women's so-called "friends", are what guys would call "passing acquaintances").


That's possible, if the reasons for breaking up are accepted equally and validated by both parties. Rare, but it happens.

It happend to me only once, though.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 1030
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/4/2010 4:00:03 PM

(DES) 1) Can men and women come together with the express purpose of a non-sexual relationship? Sure, but why bother? I have no need for a "friend" who won't back me up in a bar fight...


(Montreal Guy) So you only hang out with people at least as strong as you are, who are able and willing to fight strangers ?


Lissen: when it comes to being assaulted in a bar, I would rather have Tito Ortiz, Chuck Lidel, Brock Lesnar, and Cain Velasquez with me than Rihanna, Jessica Alba, Nelly Furtado, and Trisha Helfer. Now, if it came to playing strip Texas Hold 'em...

As for being "willing to fight strangers"... well, sometimes y0u pick the fight, and sometimes the fight picks you...


Must cut down on the numbers, I'd guess.


Quality trumps quantity!

Dr. ES...
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 1031
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/4/2010 5:10:58 PM

Can men and women be friends without sex?


Yeah, sure, I suppose..............................but...'why' would we?
 Spence56
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 1032
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/5/2010 11:33:34 AM
Of course they can, as long as there has never been a "relationship", especially a sexual relationship. Once you go there then it's pretty much "out there". When they break up and move on to other people, there will always be a problem with "being friends".
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 1033
view profile
History
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/5/2010 12:47:16 PM
Of course you CAN be friends. But if you feel a physical attraction toward the person, and they're not involved with anyone else, why would you want to be just friends? And if it turns out that only one of you feels that attraction, maybe that person could better spend their time with someone else.
 Johnnie Freeze
Joined: 3/31/2008
Msg: 1034
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/18/2011 4:02:52 PM
a man can ONLY be friends with a women if any of following applies....

1. He is gay
2. He is not attracted to you sexually or romantically
3. He is getting sex from someone else he feels is better than you

People love to dispute this....but its the truth....


Agreed...but its not all based on men. Ive had female friends that I wasnt attracted to but were attracted to me. Sooner or later they let their feelings known, and things got awkward. The friendship is never the same after that no matter how much one fools themselves.


Of course you CAN be friends. But if you feel a physical attraction toward the person, and they're not involved with anyone else, why would you want to be just friends? And if it turns out that only one of you feels that attraction, maybe that person could better spend their time with someone else.


BINGO


"Can men and women be friends without sex?" is really a loaded question..there are way too many variables. Depending on the situation, a better question is *SHOULD* they be friends...
 pretzelman60
Joined: 9/27/2011
Msg: 1035
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/18/2011 6:57:06 PM
if you want to find out if males and females can be friends without sex....get married, and you'll have the answer.


JMO
 Johnnie Freeze
Joined: 3/31/2008
Msg: 1036
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/19/2011 6:28:41 AM

if you want to find out if males and females can be friends without sex....get married, and you'll have the answer.


funniest thing Ive read all year
 Golfer4u2011
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 1037
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/19/2011 6:59:30 AM
of course they can..as long as one of them is gay...or a family member or relative....lol...i take that back..actually i had a super-hot cousin i wouldnt mind bangin'...
 pasmal
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 1038
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/19/2011 7:23:06 AM
Of course. You have to both have an awareness that 1 or both isn't interested. If resentment and ego sets in, it's done.
I used to befriend men all the time, finding them uncomplicated. Friendships with women were more catty, which I found tedious.
They were introverted, nerdy, but we had a couple things we agreed upon, a cultural, political pov, etc.
Duh, we'd do what friends do-have company so we didn't eat solo, see a film, hikes, **** and complain about work and life.
I'd hang out a couple hrs in groups of 3 maybe. It wasn't "intimate" 1 on 1 always. I had a friend from college--we'd catch up have coffee, talk about our dates, muse, eat desserts. It was relaxing.
I don't live and die by gender roles. I do not wear a dress and mince about or talk in a high pitched tone. I'm fairly serious, listen, observe yet like company doing things in the city vs solo.
I don't see gender with friendship, I see a thoughtful pov, an ease being around them, humor.
If they aren't mature enough to deal with the fact most women will not be sleeping with them, they are not living in reality. Also anyone that cannot appreciate the spirit and mind of a person irrespective of their gender, is a very limited person, imo.
 lovelanguages
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 1039
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/19/2011 8:14:33 AM
Yes it is possible and again it depends on the quality of each person's maturity level and self awareness level. I have several male friends who are just friends of mine. My ex boyfriend and I are friends to this day and he and I continue to be friends without any sex.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 1040
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 11/19/2011 12:24:13 PM
One of my oldest friends is a man - it would be fair to say he is more like a brother - he's certainly become part of my family over the years and my children see him as an honorary uncle. We met over 25 years ago and just clicked. So yes, I think men and women can be friends without sex because that's what we are. We normally e-mail any news back and forth and speak on the telephone every couple of weeks or so. He has visited the children and I twice in the decade I have been in Canada (we met when I lived in England) and likewise, whenever we visit the UK we always make sure that we get to visit him too. In other words, we keep in touch in the same way that I keep in touch with my female friends who aren't in the local area.

But I do admit that a purely platonic relationship is unusual. This is the only time I have ever had a male friend in my life who has been around for such a long time other then my friends husbands who become my friends by association - if that makes sense. And I know it is more common for these types of friendships to be between people of the same gender.

And for you, as a woman whose boyfriend has this situation, I can see that you would wonder about it. I would say that to have 4 to 6 women at any one time with whom he is claiming are just friends, is rather suspicious. That suggests to me that he tends to actively seek out female friends and for the number to vary, it also suggests that these aren't solid friends who have been in his life for a long time and likely will always be his friends, these are more casual relationships/friendships.

I can understand that some people might wonder if there was or ever had been anything between us but that curiosity would soon be clarified if they saw how he fits in within this family. I am always open about my friendship with him and don't hide it as there is no reason to. If I was to have a SO when he visits, then my partner would be included in any plans for meals out, sight-seeing and so on, just as my children always are.

Has you boyfriend been willing to introduce you to these friends ? Does he keep in contact with them routinely other than meeting up in person ? Is he willing to invite you to these get together ? In other words, how open is he being when interacting with these friends ?
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