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 AUTHOR
 ~softEDGE~
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 426
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a place for us novices...Page 18 of 36    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36)
d4y i liked 797 thank you for sharing it herein
798 confused me as i don't know which "her" you mean?
799 no worries friend, i always say it my way
and keep on going come what may
sometimes i'm like a steamroller
other times soft like butter
always ways i find just flows
just the way it seems to go

today a friend has enlisted me
to help her with a school project
regarding her own visionary creativity
i'm excited to later attend an exhibition
at a local museum i once was a member of
but still have managed to obtain free tickets to
las vegas diaspora
the emergence of contemporary art from the neon homeland
http://www.lasvegasartmuseum.org/exhibitions.htm
so many talented artists all in one place to take in

happy and content am i this day
despite all things yet left unattended
some things must take first place
in my life and this is one of them
calling me bidding me to partake in

i hope you reading this
have a day in which you too
find something you
really really want to do
sift through your many choices
aim for that which you need
whatever most brings you peace
 ~softEDGE~
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 427
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History
a place for us novices...
Posted: 11/13/2007 7:07:33 PM
big deep breath here
exhaustion and anxiety
both fighting for first place
neither will trump nor triumph
as my soul has other designs
this day especially

i began this thread
so long ago so
herein seems
the best place
to let each of you
who's deeply touched
my heart and life
how very much
your kindness
has meant to me

this evening i feel
like i guess alice
must have felt
upon falling down
that rabbit hole
yet still i know
i can regain
myself again
if but through
a complete
lifestyle change
if it is meant
for me to heal

today a day
like others in
the fact that
all of them
are such
sometimes melting
into one another
other times
so different
they seem to take
a precedence
weather here
absolutely gorgeous
in the high 70's
unusually warm for us
even in the desert
for this time of year

but for me
today is different
i just got back
from my doctor
appointment was
at 2:15, lasted till 4:45

still in shock here
so much more is not right
so much more
than i initailly
could have fathomed

my body it seems
is turning against itself
weird dichotomy
even for me

organs i've taken for granted
thyroid, pancreas and adrenals
all severly compromised
a ratio of f a severly compromised
immune system is an 8 and results
indicates i'm operating at a 13.5

i can't believe i'm admitting here
much less that this is happening
somehow because my intestines
and "gut" are so deficient
i'vee caugh a parasite
yesi said BUGS
because my sytem is
so weakened
at least month's worth
of lots of meds daily
bugs i can't comprehend
but i can only laugh
in this, the sheer terror of
all this means to me
(and no they aren't contagious)

pre hypothroidism
pre diabetic
compromised
immunological response
that makes me react
to so many chemicals already
that i'm at the grace of His will
that these many therpaies
i'm facing will be tolerated
by my sytem so i can actually
take them to regain vibrant health

my bp was 159 over 109
not at all good but at least
i had just a touch of fever
i'm not even feeling like
my system is THAT bad
isn't THAT weird?

other test results
indicate what doc said
3 times looks like
colon cancer
she said she
can't believe i'm working
much less walking
being this ill
physical therapy
to be ordered
just so i can have
the stress relief of massage
a few times a week
so i will focus on having
some things to look forward to
in this journey of regaining
my good health.
i'm still reeling here
this is heavy duty stuff
for me but i know i can do
better with a complete
lifestyle change

apparently i'm both a
medical marvel and
miracle both, so far

just hours ago i've
been given so much
information, pamphlets,
presriptions, orders for
supplements in high doses
and even yet more tests
to schedule now
some of the meds prescribed
weren't even at the pharmacy
others have already been
ordered from local labs
because they can't be
procured from pharmacies.

in the midst of this
i know life is full of tests
and trials of our souls
while i face a large one
i want each of you
to know how very much
the kindness and love
i've felt from so many of you
has so often warmed my heart
eased my pains this all
just really means
more than i could ever impart
in simple words but at the very
very least i want to thank you
each of you so dear to me
and now especially so
blessings love and light
i wish for each of you tonight
for reading
for sharing
for kindness
and your friendship
extended me here
both far and near
i treasure so many
of you so dear
 triplebp
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 428
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 11/13/2007 8:26:45 PM
It’s funny when life takes its course
And leaves you with such little remorse
A twist of fate and trying times
Wishing one could pull the blinds
But the days that come will fill the mind
And take you away from the gentle grind
Passion for life will fill your days
Then will come, the sun’s beautiful rays
Time will pass and days go by
A distant memory of wondering why
You’ll look back and understand
That in this life you are a grain of sand
A small portion of something great
And life’s path is best left to fate
Not to wallow within your mind
And everything will become aligned
You’ll be feeling strong and soon begin
To forget the pain and start to grin
Go about your days on this fine earth
Cherishing your life upon this rebirth

 drukane30
Joined: 10/13/2007
Msg: 429
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Posted: 11/17/2007 11:06:42 AM
Sorry I have not been around lately but i have been busy with work and other things.
I figured that i should pop in and say hello to everyone again.
And with that i will leave a few words behind.


I Look Upon Her
by Draven

I look upon her face lying on my pillow
Lit by the light of my bedroom window
Wrapped within my gently arms
Knowing she will come to no harm

I look upon her hair, soft and fair
Unable to find the words to compare
Answers she has given me in times of pain
That love and hope will visit again

I look upon her lips, moist and red
Giving me life when all was dead
She restored my heart when it was lost
Melting what was covered in frost

I look upon her breasts, firm and strong
Knowing that love could not be wrong
Slowly moving with every breath
Always knowing she was not like the rest

I look upon her hips, round and smooth
Gently touching not daring to move
I fix the sheets with delicate care
But a gentle kiss is all I dare

I look upon her face staring into mine
Filling my body as if it were wine
I close her eyes with gentle kisses
For she has answered all my wishes.



and for those of you who don't know.. yes my pen name is Draven.
 ~softEDGE~
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 430
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 11/18/2007 8:17:34 PM
you are not
less than one;
you are multitudes
a fluttering of wings
with my not knowing why
you felt the need to leave
but i wish you well
my unknown
my undisclosed
friend

so kind your lines
thank you for
taking your time
leaving prayer
and kindness here
made my eyes leak
shamed i am
sometimes
after opening up
to be so bold
it wears on some
i've read their disdain
but they can just
get high again
they will not walk
in my shoes
nor me in theirs
as it should be

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

triplebp i thank you too
knowing the trials you
yourself have been through
once again you are correct
i have no remorse
shall stay on course
beacons like those here
light the way most clear
nothing shall deter me
while i am feeling weak
indeed i know i'm strong
just another trial and test
life is ours to make best
choices we hold
of attitude and grace
it's a journey not a race
i babbled i know
that first day i learned
came here to let it out
i have found comfort
in so many's words
indeed a rebirth
a common recurring theme
befitting future's dreams

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ad dear i had no idea
and so sorry to hear
you too are on trial
it seems far across seas
you dream and i rant
difference being while
not all twins are identical
they can share so much
i'm grateful for you
you need no shrink
when i am well
we'll share a drink
laugh more than think
when time is right
this too shall pass
then we both will be
all the better, you n me
for what it's taught us
looking back we'll see
how much we've grown
unleashed of unknowns
prayers to you and yours
while candle burns bright
yet not as light
as friend's souls kindred

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

myth you are an angel to me
always light playful carefree
your many gifts left herein
now you brought another message
clear and strong full of beauty
thank you for singing your song
indeed a perfect gift i do agree
His grace surely knows best
so much better than humble me
thankful am i to you for so much
more than simply "trying"
you in a year passed, you dear
are an angel sweetly veritably flying

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

knatsabooh welcome
and thank you too
such beautiful possibilities
in your lines and heart
thinking ya that's me, just like you
we'd all be as one in the light
as the wind dances as sun kisses us
as the moon beams hug us too
as time passes tears will turn to
smiles gently playing into laughter
hearts and kindness know no bounds
helping others even perhaps strangers
means a new friend now is found

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

draven thank you for your lines
i'm sorry things aren't always
as they seem in our dreams
let that not deter you from
always striving in and toward
your endless possibilities
we are each of us individually
ourselves but united by beauty
seen in one another with clarity
your light shines bright to me

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

as this new week begins
i lay to rest some fears
crossing fingers here
meds tolerated now
2 days in a row
amazing thing for me
chemical toxins tiring
blurry vision weakness
forcing me to my knees
tingling in extremeties
hives and sneezing
despite no cold nor allergy
i rest to regain my immunity

acceptance now my goal
actions begun so far so good
reactions not intolerable
fever waxing and waning
heartbeat and bp racing
dutifully i swallow the pills
meditate to relax tenseness
one day down and two more to go
then the next round begins
for the rest of this my life
thankfully i lapse into
cherished future dreams
thankfully i believe
one day this all too shall pass
i'll again rise to do all i can
in strength with weakness
only a lingering memory

fmla paperwork
short term disability
yet to be all turned in
next new round of promised health
already sent to me via another lab
cold and safe in my fridge
awaiting my timing
doc predicts within two weeks
of beginning that 2 days from now
i will begin to again have energy
and renewed immunology
no death sentence for me
i shan't dare to believe that
for i have much work yet
left to be done in this life
as well as many blessings too
meant to be shared
meant to be dared
meant to be lived through

rlf mdj sjm kse
thank you too
for being here for me

i sincerely thank each of you
i don't think it probable
that any of you could
possibly know how much
your kindness has meant
to this my heart and mind
never to be forgotten
especially in this week
aptly time of thanksgiving
showing my heart each of you
patience and grace within you
helping me to infinity

yes though my body
may be weak
my spirit yet believes
in a small whispered word
hope

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 triplebp
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 431
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 11/26/2007 11:58:58 PM
Some inspiration for trying times.....



The light illuminates the darkened room
Enhancing the walls removing gloom
Brightening the spirit within its walls
Through the window extending its calls
Coaxing your spirit out into the light
A beautiful day for your heart to ignite
Enjoy the beauty of this brave world
A glass of lemonade carefully swirled
Breathing in the fresh desert air
Will do you some good to help you repair
Your spirit, mind and all that matters
Healing in time from all that shatters
Repairing your soul for another day
Where memories replace all your dismay
So enjoy the light illuminating your room
Spring from shadows that cover your womb

 ~softEDGE~
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 432
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History
a place for us novices...
Posted: 12/2/2007 12:24:52 PM
thank you tbp
for your illumination
onto sometimes dark walls
i'm slow to learning
in this present time
what goes down must come up
and vice versa
with so many unknowns
i have learned recently
using guided imagery
of soaring
of dipping
of flying
keeps down my bp
everytime i'm triaged
lately too frequently

all i can do
is my best
right now
that has to be enough
even for me
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

thank you and welcome nefretiri7
please never believe words
are an intrusion, for
they speak of one's soul
they speak of one's mind
they speak of one's heart
they speak of one's yearnings
they speak of one's prayers
they speak of one's grace
and i thank you sincerely
for placing yours gently here
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

shadow i thank you too
my heart knows you do
understand more than i
fathomed you to
thank you for the nudge
light love and blessings
i whisper for you
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

thank you jules
for opening again
your heart like a flower
having received the rain
yet waiting for sun again
returning inside to self
is never a bad thing
it's sometimes protection
until one learns to bask
in your own rays
to believe and hope
for each new day
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

i abhor accepting i have this
whatever it IS
IT seems to be
most difficult for me
to accomplish...
just another challenge
albeit perhaps
seemingly larger
and more serious
than others passed

life is of blessings and joy
yes; but also
of challenges and struggles
i surmise so that we may
appreciate our fullest
capacity of being human

for myself, with no family
this is a place where
i relinquish too much
this is perhaps a failing
yet while i know a few
are snide or avoid me altogether
because of it, that's ok
when i can, i post anyway
when i am moved to do so
because it's what i do
not to make anyone uncomfortable
but because it's who i am

there have been many times
i have avoided posting
because i've been so tired
or because i've felt
overcome or overwhelmed
or all of the above
other times i find
when i do have strength
i sense i'm construed as negative
but if that's the case so be it
i dearly appreciate
those of you who understand
your emails and posts
have lifted me so
and helped my troubled soul
more than you will ever know
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 ~softEDGE~
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 433
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Posted: 12/2/2007 8:25:21 PM
just a catch up
from tired me to even
properly catch up on emailing
admittedly feeling guilty

after the reprieve of a
shared roaring fireside dinner
and then a dvd which ended up
not being completely watched
last friday night wound itself
so beautifully into what became
all too quickly something else rapidly
yesterday a last week quickly
scheduled surgery
took up my day
and somehow then
ate up my weekend too

so now i try to rest
pushing negatives
from my mind
i'm tired of being
this sick and tired
it seems to be to me
a weakness inside
the kind i abhor
as if watching these scenes
from another place
i see my life unfolding

myth reminded me
just last week
this isn't just a bug
not a flu nor cold
i'm fighting here
she's such a dear
to understand
even when i haven't
had the strength
to really explain
it's obvious i guess
the fear showing
through so clearly

i admit yesterday
in the surgical center
i was relieved to be
put under to sleep
so bitterly tired am i
of these fears inside
working their way out

so many things wrong
so quickly all at once
internal bleeding
failing adrenals
failing pancreas
i'm not feeling sorry
for myself rather i am
angry at feeling such fear
being on this rocky ledge
losing part of salary to fmla
still so many questions left
unanswered in this brain
because my body's failing

i found myself awakening
coming out of surgery
crying and apologizing
suprised at this utter loss
of control of myself
the dear who drove me
waited patiently in the lobby
took me to eat afterward
i hated even asking
for such a favor
but last week they took me
grocery shopping too
i hate being such
a bother and a pain
just wanting to be
myself well again

but am most grateful too
perhaps the intended lesson
for me is one of humility
one i apparently
haven't yet mastered
quite well enough
to make sense of
looming and senseless things
 ~softEDGE~
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 435
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Posted: 12/6/2007 1:32:24 PM
no worries angel julesy, friends are something i don't lack; and they are more than patient and kind with my me.

indeed i am most grateful for the handful of those i have around me
and yes angels they are, most assuredly
patiently showing their graciousness
always ready to help in multitudes of many ways
please do believe me; those near to me right now know fully what they mean to me
i am open and honest and blunt and Eeyor-ey and all other sorts of not so nice things
i worry too much and i fret and am impulsive with my tongue
but i'll stand up for someone with conviction of good triumphing over bad any day
for someone with integrity to mean what they say
one thing i've found by simple observation is to just let the nature of life take it's own natural course through myself and others
our day to day
life actions sometimes speak so much more loudly
than any mere words could ever convey

in other threads recently i've read comments about angels not being real
i am sorry for those without any glimmer hope or love in their lives
for their heart without a doubt to know of these attributes far worth more than any material tangibles
those are the ones too damaged to care
too damaged to dare to believe in the simplest of truths
or too apathetic to even care about htemselves anymore
i know a few like that they are as walking wounded; the undead
yet even for themselves and others too
possibilities in future's grasp aren't written in their past

and yes, for me... humility is a difficult thing
asking for help some times more trying than others
and yes, especially clear to those who know
for when you've mostly fended for yourself in the past...
yet to grow and learn is but the human condition
thankfully i'm still falling into that category

one of those yet who now knows
it's akin to the velveteen rabbit...
when one believes in something or someone; when one dares to dream
is oftentimes the most beautiful of times when clarity reigns and miracles occur right in front of you to prove themselves
amazingly touching your heart so strongly you can taste it
you can smell it as it takes over every ounce and sense of your being human
no one can disuade me of otherwise
for i've lived through & seen
too many beautiful things
from absolutely horrorific situations

the generosity of a heart and compassion or love
is always something to be treasured
never to be taken for granted or misused

no one is perfect; yet we are each perfect just as we are
in this moment right now
we've all had our spills and our spoils too
and likely will have more; it's true
nothing like the touching of a heart dear
to another to light a beacon clear
i'm learning still sometimes words aren't even necessary things
imagine me, believing that!
my posting rate could prove that easily
i am beginning lately to understand something
very important: fortune indeed favors the brave
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

designs4u, yes you surely understand
but don't fret about knowing or wondering what to do
when the time comes, you'll know instinctively exactly what to do
your love is evident and i hope well spent in this season of all love
and will rejoin you tenfold in a thousand angel's fluttering wings
as a phoenix rising from ashes to take it's first breath of clear air
far above the smoke below now it can soar and grow even more brilliant
till it literally flies and dances seductively with the sun

you're wise to know and say don't give up it's never too late
i echo this back to you too, friend
so dear you are for your kindest words
my humble thanks extended to you
and you're right, there are many good both far and near
this thing i still fight, invisible yet but shall not win
although perhaps waxing and waning my might
i'm still alive and kicking
just like midge ure sang
all those many years ago
 ~softEDGE~
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 438
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Posted: 12/21/2007 4:14:57 PM
again, thank you, designs for your truths
merry Christmas back atcha too

this is quite an exquisite violet sky
this evening's purple fading firstly
to outrageous pink then orange hues
rippling to velvet blues
my mind thinking like always
of all yet undone this weekend ahead
mentally going through tasks laid out

running so often it seems
always stretching to seams
clock tick tocking faster
even than my own dreams

homemade hearty soup tonight
real stock n 2 chicken breasts
by request first go into the pot
bubbling merrily happily
wafting through the whole place

bay leaves fresh garlic and cilantro
shall i slice an onion or two
noodles twirling dancing
with carrots parsnip n fresh peas

big chunks of fresh garlic bread
steaming and savory making me glad
toss in peppercorns black and red
grind some too for good measure

salad yet to be made
organic spinach with kalamatas
manchego cheese
cherry tomatoes for me
toss in a few chick peas
vinaigrette oil of grape seed
a splash of garlic rice wine vinegar
sprinkle of sugar and sea salt
quick twist of my wrist
yields a grind of fresh pepper

i've already had my bath
i smell like citrus and kenneth cole
there's a log in the fireplace
sitting awaiting to be lit
and a tree too sits lonely
wanting to be dressed and adorned
all that's missing is your knock on my door
so i can swoop in for a sweet kiss
i hope tonight you're ready
to be fully completely adored
hmm what's for dessert?
because i have plans you'll see
 ~softEDGE~
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 440
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Posted: 12/27/2007 3:08:54 AM
my sincerest heartfelt thank you to each of you; caught a bug here and am up far too late but promise to respond/write soonest when my thinking is more clear.

hoping each of you had a beautiful and magical holiday and will have a beautiful new year full of love, health, happiness, wonder and hope in the coming new year!
 ~softEDGE~
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 441
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Posted: 12/29/2007 11:00:04 AM
Sculptor, thank you
for such kindness left herein
your words touched me deeply
more so than i can impart
happiest of new year to you and yours
loved reading your lines
please come back anytime
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

designs thank you too
the stars shine brightly
guiding our ways
with grateful acknowledgement
i am humbled by the grace
in each moment of the rhythyms
of life
happiest of new years to you!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

joshua dear
thank you for taking your time
and your well wishes
somehow methinks this year
coming new will be a great one
for yours and you!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

wintersoltice
thank you for visiting
for your thoughts and query
i have many thoughts on the subject matter
you've brought up herein
sacrifice + love = equality
no matter which diety
one chooses to believe in
none are perfect yet
we are each perfect
none are devoid of "sin"
yet we are each pure
happiest of new year's blessings to you
and thank you kindly for yours too
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

just around the corners of lives
comes a new year shining bright
gifts heartfelt for one and all
health love warmth balance and hope
an end to strife a return to simplicity
if but only we heed their call
whether of whispers or loudly announced
they will present themselves unfolding
in their time as it right they show themselves
quiet ourselves so we may better understand
feeling knowing and devising for each of us
ourselvesfor our best to be laid out plans
 ~softEDGE~
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 442
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History
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Posted: 12/31/2007 4:07:21 PM
lovely lines, joshua, thank you for sharing them here

by now she was of an age
wherein her mind
sometimes played
tricks on and in her reality

she still had her sass
an active imagination
appreciation for so much
she'd already seen, known
and been bestowed
she still had a nice ass
or so she'd been told
since about age thirteen
of yeah in case ya hadn't yet noticed
she still had a bit of 'tude too
sometimes a good thing
sometimes it got her into trouble
those latter times made her humble
upon reflection and self introspection
and methinks humility is a very good thing
to feel first handedly

another move now looming
this very next weekend
in cold and wind
a fresh start to this
brand new year
in again with dear friends
a new home again
grateful me
to have the grace
of a place loving and warm
to go rest and live in
to not be alone
while facing so much
again humility raises it's head
while pride must depart
for grace to take place

more than lucky is me/she
to have friends such as these
chosen kindred family

she was and is the sort
of person who'd lived
quite an amazing life thus far
experiences so many
living and travelling overseas
friendships many so grand
love felt strongly firsthand
and grateful was she
for not only it and humility
but as well her strength and tenacity
her mother had taught her well you see
although now a few years gone
her lessons and spirit
somehow still live on
and this one, me
not quite yet ready
not giving up
not even a bit
not even close to dipping a toe in
can't even see or feel or hear that
rushing clear cold and deep
river of water running beneath
me, i still have too much living to do
no end in sight just quite
yet my friends
 triplebp
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 443
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History
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Posted: 1/8/2008 5:27:15 PM
Each day draws closer to conclusion
A broken heart lost in illusion
Years gone by seem like yesterday
Too many to count along the way
Wondering if her love will receive
A live long goal, a desire to achieve
With absolute heart, I reach out
Unsuspecting soul clutching doubt
Looming to be crushed and burned
Fond of years, lost and yearned
Within this all I must contend
To bring this sorrow to an end
Finally closing this chapter’s fate
Hoping I’m right, it’s never too late
To turn past mistakes to make them right
And shed the darkness into the light

 ~softEDGE~
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 444
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History
a place for us novices...
Posted: 1/9/2008 9:27:49 PM
sculptor thank you
i really liked monarch park cafe
i myself know all too well
it's not ever a good thing
to get too spun up
and too, how quick some are
to place tags on others
your lines are funny sad and true
clever of you and yes somehow methinks
she most probably does know the truth already
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welcome back shadow
thank you too for the meditation
soft and flowing, thank you for placing it here
"yet a rhythm unfolds
simple"
beautiful, apt and also, so true
so nice to see you've stopped in
and left such a beauty
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triple your words too are true
hope, such a small word
with huge and infinite meaning
happy new year tpb for you and yours
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 ~softEDGE~
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 446
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History
a place for us novices
Posted: 5/17/2008 11:01:34 AM
so mon amis, it's been a while
life has taken many twists and turns
i had to take some much needed time
and revisit to read and think
thank each of you for posting
your thoughts feelings and lines
please feel free to revisit any time
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mmmmmy thank you for visiting
and sharing yourself herein
me reading your lines this morning
finally trying to catch a breath
reminding myself to breathe
consciously

tossing turning
floating churning
crashing crescendos
desire and frustration
emoting tangled dreams
roller coaster of life
am i drowning or
taking flight

singing and laughing or
screaming silent screams

skies never seem the same
to me
ever changing daily
brilliance of beauty

"nothing ever matters anymore"
you said back at the end of february
i really do hope that feeling
has passed and a strong flame of hope
and the trust in good
has been rekindled in you

we are always alone
we are never alone
the truth is in the digging
the truth is in our eyes
the truth is in our hearts
the truth is in some lies
the truth lives steadfast in our layers
and has been
from the start
the truth is always changing
nothing ever black n white
the world is full of colors
the world itself is alight

it's the human race that wanders
it's our emotions and mental state
that we choose to make or break
stars continue to call out your name
yet our answers are never twice the same
just keep on smiling baby girl
may your heart not be out to sea
but rather, out to see
don't ever get caught up
in that ole blame game
reach up and you will find yourself up
think down and find yourself in muck
defenses that helped some of us survive
no longer needed ought be put far aside
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designs i thank you too
for sharing your beautiful day
and yes, evidently some friends are here
this much very much clear
to find we must be brave enough
to continue to seek
i hope all is well with you and yours
and you revisit when you can
you're such a rare kind man
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ogm very nice to read your lines
thank you for taking your time
to leave them carefully here
the winter's rose upon a bed of snow
brins to mind now it's late spring
and snow is thawing everywhere
in hearts and minds of everyone

i do heartily agree
let all the bonsai trees
reawaken everyone from sensibilities
and attune instead, opening to possibilites
for in my mind's eyes and heart
those are endless and true opportunities
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tailgunner you sir, are welcome any time
our pages are indeed soaked sopping saturated
as life has it's way with us
we do our best to stay afloat
awash in complexity
truth in words can and does exist
may we not be remiss
may we not step on our own tongues
may we not trample on other's hearts
or dreams as we pursue our own desires
the silence of our singular sounds
may one day rise up spreading and washing
unto the night's clarity
reverberating our scent and intensity
rising up as a phoenix
a brilliant flame
believe your soul's insides
for this isn't like
any other sort of game
we have participated in
without shame come forth
remain to yourself true

may the lightening bugs
burst forth from your soul
and light up your skies
for you are correct methinks
you shall indeed live forever
and so shall she
as will he
and perhaps even
maybe, me
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scryptkeeper please also feel free
to herein share your truths
but please be clear
there are no
novices of loss here
while i cannot nor will not
speak for others here
please be mindful and very clear
lunch to a handful of vets
ain't what we is about up in here
careful who you try to speak for
somehow i think i just may know
firsthandedly more vets than i might show
i live with one, for example you see
i was married to two at different times
i shared that life and all that encompassed(s) it
and somehow someway i've managed to still be me
without having jumped ship
fear shall not be my badge
but hope instead
and that one i wear maybe
just a bit too proudly
indeed
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back soon, i promise... we're having a late breakfast, and it's my turn to fry up some eggies to go with that wonderful smelling hot peppered bacon.
 ~softEDGE~
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 447
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History
a place for us novices
Posted: 8/30/2008 11:36:51 PM
ecco domani pinot grigio
grilled rib eye
fresh sweet corn on the cob
with far too much butter
tri colored rigatoni pasta seafood salad with
le suer peas
black olives
dijon mustard
and half a baked tato
yes with sour cream
AND butter
and yes more pinot grigio
you opened the bottle
but don't bother
i'll refill our glasses
as we play cranium
and laugh
and of course
we win
even if neither of us eat
the lemon cake i baked
this afternoon
with real buttercream
and lime juice with coconut icing
someone did
and liked it just fine
now my mind won't quiet itself
must be the pepsi, eh

what's runnin round in me head
'sides the memories
over and over and over again?

two songs come to mind
from a far away time

Entertain me by Soft Cell

Trying to please
All these people around me
Is trying to reach for the moon
The Moon!
I see their faces looking so empty saying
I hope that they'll finish soon
So Soon...
Could be a chat show
Yap Yap Yap
Could be a go go
Reaction would be the same
The Same!
So here I go
Though why I don't know
Trying to prove myself again

Entertain me
I'm as blank as can be
And I've seen it before
And I've done it before
And I think that I like it
But no I don't like it
It just goes on over and over
And over and over and over again

I try to give them all of my best
And it's taking a turn for the worst
Oh No
Things going wrong
Start to sing the wrong song
I think that we must be cursed
You Betcha
Playing the wrong tune
Hitting the wrong note
This is where my nerves become frayed
It's falling apart
Why did we ever start
And do you think we'll be paid
No No

Entertain me
I'm as blank as can be
And I've seen it before
And I've done it before
And I think that I like it
But no I don't like it
It just goes on over and over
And over and over and over again

Over and over again
Build 'em up, knock 'em down
Build 'em up, knock 'em down
Build 'em up, knock 'em down
Build 'em up, knock 'em down

I see a movement
Down in the front row
Maybe it's just a mistake
She's smiling at me
Hello
But he's frowning at me
Goodbye
Which conclusion
Do I make
Fold all your arms
And look straight ahead
At this puppet on a string
You're feeling confused
But you've made a decision
You don't like anything

Entertain me
I'm as blank as can be
And I've seen it before
And I've done it before
And I think that I like it
But no I don't like it
It just goes on over and over
And over and over and over again

Build 'em up, knock em down
Build 'em up, knock em down
Build 'em up, knock em down
Build 'em up, knock em down

Entertain me
I'm as blank as can be
And I've seen it before
And I've done it before
And I think that I like it
But no I don't like it
It just goes on over and over
And over and over and over again

and too~
Chips on my shoulder by Soft Cell

Chips on my shoulder
More as I grow older
Feel I owe a debt
For the things I don't get
I only miss out
Well I was there before...
I sit in a corner
Sit on the floor

Misery
Complaints
Self Pity
Injustice
Chips on my shoulder
There's no time for fun time
It's sit and complain time
I'll talk about famine
While cooking the dinner
Don't you feel guilty
Don't you feel pity
No
While my head gets fatter
And the starving get thinner

I should have told her
I've chips on my shoulder
I'm making a stand
While I sit on my arse
Fish and chip supper
While those in the gutter
Can't have a good time
Fun's just a farse
Misery
Complaints
Self Pity
Injustice
Chips on my shoulder
Chips on my shoulder


indeed summer's end is nigh
and on and on the irony belies
hurricane down south east way
about to hard blow it's way in
as we here in this arid desert
go another day
in this drought
times are strange
things so uncertain
everywhere
are they not?

well as we well know
they aren't so
very strange
no so very uncertain
everywhere
are they?!

someone please
do tell me the truth
her truth
his truth
ok then
your truth
because the truth
cannot lie
bitter pill to swallow perhaps
not better tasting even, perhaps
but at least it's better than
believing
or
living lies

because really
it's almost easier
to believe
or realize
or just simply wake up
this naive sleepy head
than to live a dream
that's not real
or just fantasy
for me, never one to believe
candy colored dreams
easier though it may be
for me
to shed
candy colored lenses
and face the uncomfortable
bright light of truth

or maybe just maybe
it's just my mind
just over cluttered
once again
Dear Lord
give me strength
i find myself begging
once more
familiar refrains
crashing round again
in a sort of
silent sound

cacaphony
i believe that's
what's it's called
thankfully it ain't voices i'm hearing
and i don't think need my brain warshed
by that ole comic
jimbo
whom was drawn by gary panter
and published by matt groening
long ago
and far away

but hey
does anybody ever
really know what
i'm gibbering on about
anyway?!
 ~softEDGE~
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 448
view profile
History
a place for us novices
Posted: 11/6/2008 7:53:44 AM
as always, love and thanks to you, AD. been too busy to be on much as of late, but it's nice knowing when i DO visit, friendly kindred hearts and words jump into my heart and mind, from oh so far away physically.

matters not, the distance, for tis a stronger thing capacity to love...

having missed a chance yesterday to post in first line, last line (part deaux)
in response to post 3654 left therein at 1150
but off the cuff had come up with the following few lines
thought i'd leave it here in a thread i began oh so long ago
just seemed apropos

I WILL OVERCOME
although not as suggested by fight nor strongest might
or even velocity of the sheer g force of my mind
(or ego for that matter, not meaning to be unkind)
but mon amis i think if you please
to choose my own route and try not to pout
without tickling my knees nor making you sneeze
but rather instead simply using my good heart and head
easier path of trajectory even if solely olfactorily...
but oh just now for you and for the sake of the art
of leaving you a good line with with to start
I WILL OVERCOME


more later mon amis, i do *hope* this finds everyone healthy, well and doing fine.
flying out tomorrow am to tend to some personal family matters...
missing reading, writing, bantering and sharing with you!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxooooooooooos
 ~softEDGE~
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 449
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History
a place for us novices...
Posted: 4/23/2009 9:32:25 PM
ad, dear dear ad~
where to begin?
firstly, with thanks
for you, always to me so kind
i am still here
but tired feeling
a shell of my former self
yet faintest traces still exist of me


been so long!
but i've been to Canaan
and i wanna go back again

(just like carole king did, all those years ago)

i know i speak in circles
and whirl inside them too
not everyone really quite "gets me"
you ad, are one of the few who do
(and accepts me as i am; too~ thank you)

right now, this minute
i'm back to say
i really will return soonest
perhaps this weekend
this beautiful spinning orb
will somehow some way
allow me unto it's graces
and once again gravity will
keep me from free falling
in and out of oddly shaped spaces
till once again i feel
sure footed upon terra firma
stronger again too
as surely as whispers deep inside my heart
tell me this is indeed so
perhaps then my mind will quiet itself once more
and rest will be, well... restful

oh, and ad?
forget the fancy china
forgo hours spent on epicurean delicacies
tonight i'd be happiest
with a good stout
or a smooth buttery merlot
either is fine; shared with a friend
even if drank from a simple paper cup

thanking you for keeping the thread alive
while we here, on this side of the planet
within this hot and arid desert
have been dealing with the pain of loss
and getting back, however slowly
with our own business of living
and finding our own ways

Pops passed from the earth last month
after a year long illness
so last weekend we journeyed
taking him back to his home, his friends
his church and the place of his birth 88 years ago
together, those of us who loved him
went about celebrating his experiences in life
and his amazing depths of love
our own love and respect of and for him
at the most beautiful Memorial service
i have ever had the grace to experience
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
 Autumn Fantasy
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 450
view profile
History
a place for us novices...
Posted: 4/23/2009 9:37:51 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss Softedge. My Mom is 86 now and I can't imagine life without her. Stay strong.
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