Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >      Home login  
Joined: 3/21/2004
Msg: 14
Why Can't Men Be Friends First??Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

men can't be friends first simply because all they think about it


Women fall under this spell too you know. IT seems, at times, that I can ask a woman about herself and she will seem bored as soon as any innuendo slips in..

she is all over me with her eyes and smile.


Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 15
Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 10:01:49 PM
Men can and are friends first if we, as women, make it clear that is what we are interested in.

How do we do that?
1 - put up a picture that is attractive without displaying T&A or cleavage (do not lead them on with images.. males are visual creatures... gosh I LOVE that about them )

2 - be up-front about your interests in your profile (be DIRECT)
Joined: 2/4/2005
Msg: 16
Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/10/2005 8:18:56 PM
Here's why: I have enough friends. And some of my best friends are women. I tried dating one of my female friends once, and it was a train wreck. It was like kissing a sister. I take my friendships very seriously, and guard each of them deeply. I would NOT date any of my friends. I also wouldn't take any of them out five or six times on my treat, lol.

I think women are more comfortable with the transition from friendship to relationship in general.

It has NOTHING, at least with me, to do with expectations. Read over theose ads, and the majority of women say they aren't interested in "players." But these same women are expecting men to become their friends first, and maybe casually date while they become friends. Thats basically a direct contradiction.

Neither gender seems to know what the hell they want, and certainly what the other wants.
 Mary Jane in Wonderland
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 20
Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 8/17/2008 10:49:24 AM
No I feel the same. I pretty much have given up on finding a good relationship on here also. They all want to jump bones but noone wants to be there when I need them emotionaly and after all I could get boned anytime I want. It is the other deeper stuff I can't find in a one nighter
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 22
view profile
Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 8/17/2008 3:00:14 PM
Too many men have been stuck in the 'friend zone' with a woman we wanted to be more involved with. I've been there. Like Chris Rock says, women like to keep a guy a friend, like 'a d!ck in a glass case; break in case of emergency'. You want us as potential lovers, but only when you want, not when we want. And why would we want that? Nobody wants to be kept on a string.
Joined: 4/23/2008
Msg: 24
view profile
Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 8/17/2008 9:43:52 PM
funny....I'd rather get to know a girl first as a friend.....guess I'm not "Man" enough! Just bustin' "your balls"
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 29
view profile
Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 8/26/2008 9:25:37 PM
I am totally in awe. This is an old post, has survived with new comments, and most astonishing it has been mostly males responding .
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 30
view profile
Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 8/26/2008 10:06:18 PM
I can be friends first, no problem. But if the person I am being friends with is super good looking, then this thing called biology clicks in and then just being friends gets a little....if you'll pardon the pun....harder.
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 32
view profile
Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/30/2008 12:00:27 PM
It depends on the guy. I have had both experiences. I think you need to make it clear what you want. I went out with a woman who just wanted to be friends only. After a period of time things went in a great direction. If he is a good guy what will happen will happen. I had 2 long term girlfriends where we had sex on the first date, and I a few girlfriends where it took time for the relationship to develop. Decide what you are looking for and it will happen.
Joined: 9/27/2008
Msg: 33
Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 10/2/2008 10:26:37 AM
>> As much as I love the opposite sex, and I most certainly do!!

Well isn't that the answer? Attraction?

You want men to pretend they're not interested in you physically while you decide if you are to them.

>> I'm here for friendship and networking. If somewhere down the line we find we're otherwise attracted, then cool, we can go for it.

No such thing. You don't decide if you're's are or you're not in short know in 5 secs. whether you are physicaly attracted and maybe in 3-6 dates if you have emotional validation too. If you want to pretend you don't then that's simply should express what it's about of move on....if you don't have both and you still want the benefit of friendship and you don't say that (and most women don't) that's simply evil.
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 35
view profile
Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 10/2/2008 2:46:01 PM
A lot of people (both men and women) are defined by having someone as a SO. Being friends first is a must for any relationship, but if it is going to be a drawn out process most men aren't into that. I admit bone jumping although fun, is very inappropriate after an email or two.
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 37
view profile
Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 10/7/2008 1:52:05 PM
The OP has confused "being friends" with "having respect". It's entirely possible to be on a romantic date and not push for sex. That's called having respect.
Joined: 9/17/2008
Msg: 39
view profile
Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 10/7/2008 9:59:38 PM
It is because todays society--from what i've seen--has blured the lines. If a man waits to long to make a move he has entered the "friend zone". So many men just put all they want out front or they just want sex and nothing else. I believe for many of the socialy unadjusted like me--we just don't understand the time table or can't understand the time table because it is different for every women.
Joined: 9/9/2008
Msg: 42
Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 10/8/2008 5:35:17 AM
It's entirely possible to be on a romantic date and not push for sex. That's called having respect.all I get is woman who want more from me . I was always told . a woman wants a man first and NOT be rushed into sex fast . where are those woman now . I live in wisconsin . if , the woman does not smoke , you have me .
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 43
Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 10/8/2008 3:14:39 PM
Men have a problem.

If they don't come after you, they get called gay or non-sexual.

If they do try to be touching, kissing and like affection and closeness, they
get in trouble for that.

The way to control this is by controlling where you are. I had to learn this once.
It used to be sex was not done in public. Now I do a lot of email first or telephone.

As I got over 30, being close meant more to me than sex. There are many ways of being close without sex.

I have also noticed that online, people seemed to have forgotten romance and
being best buddies. Whats wrong with being friends first?

See if he really listens to you.

Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 46
Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 1/31/2009 12:49:54 PM
I never assumed a guy was gay because he only wanted to be friends. Men don't realize that I have alot more respect for them, when they respect me as a human being, not just another woman he got in the sack.

I know a man who does not date, is 46 yrs old, never married. He just does what mum says and mum says "no woman touches her boy". I do not make a cruel assumption, although I swear he's gotta still be a virgin. We're good friends, but he will not even look at me in shorts or a dress.
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 48
Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 1/31/2009 5:43:12 PM
First, refraining from or not wanting to play the "Friends First" game, does not imply in -any- way that he (or she) wants sex in the first phase of knowing one another. "Friends First" means just-friends-at-first. Being just friends to avoid sex is like covering yourself in water and baking soda to prevent yourself from being caught on fire when you leave your house. In other words, it's too much and very unnecessary (and shows one's gotten burned before!).

1) If you're really interested in a guy, you don't want to be truly friends first (platonic or even close to platonic at first).
2) If you like a guy, you want to at least be more than friends in the beginning
3) Many guys don't like it because it is BS, if it's a planned situation of meeting one-on-one.

If after meeting a guy, it's "friends first", that means she's not that interested in him (but could be later on, maybe). Guys don't like that, and girls wouldn't like that.

If you're friends first, that means you're just friends before you'll consider yourself more than friends. That means she's going to be exploring other options, specifically, and at the same time, be only friends with you. WTF?

Thankfully, many women don't really mean it that way, and just mean taking it slow. Unforunately, some do mean exactly what the phase says, and many like the confusion because they'll switch "what they're looking for" or the route they want when meeting a guy, by what they feel on the fly. Confusion!
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 49
Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 2/1/2009 12:58:56 AM

it appears both genders have defined what that word "friends" on a completely emotional experience scale.

No, it's not a gender thing. It's what the word means and the context. Girls will use it to mean something new and different -sometimes-, yes.

I want to get to know different sides of you, things that you lovc, or how you hold yourself in public.

Does that require being JUST FRIENDS? People do that if they're not bent out of shape and trying the "Friends First" game anyway, right?

want to have fun w/o the pressure of the sex card being played too quickly o change

You're just explaining WHY you use the phrase. We all understand. However, read the words. No sense in that. Just say "I want to take it slow" or "I don't hop into bed". No need to confuse someone and say they're just your friend at first by saying "Friends First", then having to back pedal and explain what ya mean by that to him if/when confusion causes questions, etc.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >