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 mjrc
Joined: 9/23/2006
Msg: 42
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
To answer your question, I'm personally seeking long term. Your friend is right about disappointment, but its much easier said then done.

Do what I do, always look at happy couples, there are allot of them out there. I find it encouraging to see the young holding hands and smiling or the older laughing with their children. It’s a reminder that love does exist.
 JMars
Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 43
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/26/2006 7:21:46 PM
I can't generalize about what all men want, but I can say that I am a long-term kinda guy.

Of course, as has already been stated, you have to find someone you think that you are compatible with first. Sometimes you know right away that you and another are not compatible, and sometimes it takes awhile. But here at the age of 35 I can count on one hand the number of times I've looked to a women just for sex and a few good times with no care or consideration for the long-term.

The reason I want a long-term relationship is simple. I don't like dating. I don't like searching. I want something more outta life other than what rests upon the surface. And I want someone to share life's experiences with, and to develope depth and intimacy with.

Quite simply, I'm not equipped, ie. lack the necessary disposition and consequent skills, for the short-term thing and see it has an obstacle to be surmounted and then left behind. Some people aren't equipped for the long-term thing.
 SimplyPeachy
Joined: 2/26/2006
Msg: 44
omg
Posted: 11/26/2006 10:00:20 PM
reply to msg#61


Really i suppose every relationship should start out with short term plans and hope it evolves into more. rather then hoping for more and ending up short term.


This is the best 'bottom line' approach I have heard anyone comment yet. Some of my greatest friendships have occured over a brief moment whereby I thought I might never see them again. Specifically a dear friend comes to mind who I met last year...and we have been nearly inseperable in communication and travels since. I love him very much....and again, it wasn't a friendship I 'knew' would be this deep nor this intense. But the one single value we do both hold is....commitment to friendship. It's something both our father's ingrained in us early on and we talk about often. Friends are our chosen family...and therefore are blood by design. We never abandoned however rough the friendship might get (and when the Irish and Scotish disagree...THEY REALLY DISAGREE).

So, starting out short term should be the approach, but commitment must be an inherent value relationship spanning all types.

 GREASEBALL
Joined: 12/12/2006
Msg: 50
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 12/25/2006 12:48:47 PM
Man wanna see you but not hear you. Now your place girls. LOL
We always enjoy drinking cold beer while getting a hot BJ. Men are simple things - don't lie guys - embrace it!
 GREASEBALL
Joined: 12/12/2006
Msg: 52
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 12/25/2006 1:18:05 PM
What ex-navy really means is he doesn't want the cold beer and BJ's to end.
 theon54
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 53
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 12/25/2006 5:23:26 PM

I have to agree with some on here, most don`t know what they want!!

They want the love etc of a woman, but in the same breath some can`t handle the long term scenario!


I know what I want: a relationship that works. But it is not to going to work better just by labeling "long term" from the beginning. It is the other way around, if it works then it will eventually become long term.
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 54
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 12/25/2006 6:25:27 PM
I want a long term relationship just like alot of guys but I have found too many womeneither do not want it for fear of the guy not being the most upgraded option or the desperation to settle down becuse they think their prime has ended .

yup I want a long term loving relationship with alot of huh fu... hum... hu loving
 caldus85
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 56
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 12/25/2006 6:39:58 PM
Long term. What's the point of short term?
 Janesdough
Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 57
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 2/28/2007 5:26:06 PM
Hey, it's been a long while since this was posted, but I need some advice on this same subject. I've been in a "friends with benefits" situation for about a year with someone who lives in another place, so we can only get together on certain 'occasions' and usually when we're both drinking. We interact via text and email and the occasional call. We don't always have relations, sometimes it's just a lunch date, but the last two times we met, he seemed distant and cold(ish). Last time he wanted to have 'benefits' with me, I suggested that there was no point because even though I do like him, he doesn't really like me; to which he replied 'it's not a question of liking you'. Not sure what that meant, but I do care for him and would welcome a 'relationship' with him, but he had told me very close to the beginning that we should just be 'friends'. I've never been in this kind of situation before and don't know how to take it all. Now I'm so nervous around him I can't even think straight and therefore can't talk openly like I normally would. Help!
 Janesdough
Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 59
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 2/28/2007 5:43:43 PM
All makes sense, but are you saying I need to 'make myself more available' as time allows.
 Janesdough
Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 60
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 2/28/2007 5:59:16 PM
Hi, thanks for the input.
Yes, I know he 'likes me', and he knows I 'like him'. I just wonder if he's being that way because he doesn't want to give the impression to others that he may like me. When we're alone together (say having lunch together), we can talk about anything, it's nice. I guess, I'd like to be with him, just not sure about him so much. I hope he's not playing me.
 Janesdough
Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 61
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 2/28/2007 6:12:38 PM
No, he's not in another relationship, except for maybe with himself. He's been divorced for over 20 years. I think he doesn't want others to know we might be together because it would then appear that he might be "with" me, and he doesn't seem to want to appear to be held in any way. That's my take on it, but I could be way off base.
I understand women and men communicate differently, I've read all the books. Maybe that's the issue; we're not communicating anymore...
 Smjle
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 62
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 2/28/2007 9:26:59 PM

...he had told me very close to the beginning that we should just be 'friends'. I've never been in this kind of situation before and don't know how to take it all.

My take is he is a nice guy, he is certainly treating you fair, but he is not going to marry you or commit to a long term relationship.

If you find the emotional and other costs, if any, are more than you value the benefits he is giving you, I suggest you call it off. If it is just that you want more than he is giving you and you value the benefits over whatever the cost is to you, then I suggest you continue the relationship with him and, at the same time, look for a relationship with a man that will marry you or form the type of relationship you need.
 meowsaidthetigress
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 64
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 9/16/2011 9:29:27 AM
I have accidentally come across interesting older posts and want to ask the same question as a update four years later. What you you guys think now?
 april5610
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 65
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 9/16/2011 10:09:12 AM
I have been on this site 3 or 4 different times,and not found one man that knows
what long term is. And all they want is SEX , or money. been there,got took hes
not on this one anymore I hope. And his sex wasn't any good,think he was married.
So ladies I guess if we are older just forget about finding ,long term...
SORRY GUYS.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 66
view profile
History
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 9/16/2011 10:19:36 AM
This is one of "those" questions again isnt it

The ones that think all men are identical, have all the same thoughts, wants and needs all of the time from every woman they meet

Maybe thats how women are, and thats why so many seem to assume men would be the same, who knows

But there is NOTHING that "men" want, theres nothing you can figure out about everyman from observing an individual

Not only will "they" individually want anything from absolutely no relationship at all right the way upto the happily ever after kind of stuff and every imagineable variation in between depending on who you ask, but the majority will have wanted a wide range of different things at different times in their lives, or different things from different women at the same time because one woman you meet "might" seem like the type you could settle down with whereas others just wont

Which is pretty much the exact same state of affairs as I would assume describes what "women" want too

A person who tries to collectively understand an entire gender will never be able to fully understand any one member of that gender
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 67
view profile
History
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 9/16/2011 10:39:59 AM
Its the age old glossy mag inspired misconception that you have to "understand" an entire gender before you can understand one member of it

But in reality trying to understand an entire gender will make it impossible to ever understand just one member of it

Or put another way I used to use frequently

"Try to know all men/women and you will never get to know one of them properly. But get to know just the one that is important to you completely and as an individual and what the others think or feel becomes irrelevant"
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 68
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 9/16/2011 10:56:16 AM
I agree with MikeWM 100%. (by the way, I usually agree with your posts in most threads.)
 meowsaidthetigress
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 69
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 9/16/2011 11:05:08 AM
yeah but its already made an interesting resurrection-
 smokincigars
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 70
view profile
History
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 9/16/2011 6:08:22 PM
Do men prefer short-term or long-term relationships? It depends on the individual man.

Younger men may be more inclined toward short-term, older men toward long-term, but there are tons of exceptions. A man whose last relationship(s) ended badly probably is less optimistic about a relationship lasting long-term, while that may be the only (or primary) interest of a widower who had a wonderful, loving marriage.

Myself, I am currently thinking in terms of just having some pleasant dating experiences while hoping that I will meet someone who makes me want a long-term relationship (and who feels the same way about me). My immediate expectations are not the same as my longer-view hopes. Having a failed marriage behind me, I'm "once burned, twice shy"; I still want long-term, but I'll settle for less.

Added: It isn't all about sex either, at least in my case. The sex was great for both of us, but sex alone wasn't enough to overcome the deeper problems. Perhaps we should have just been FWB or a commited non-marriage relationship; she might have been satisfied with that, I was the one who wanted more.
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 71
view profile
History
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 9/17/2011 7:31:59 AM
In my case, long but not deep. I'd like a girlfriend to see a couple of times a week, maybe go on vacation together, but not to live with, something romantic and affectionate but not sexual. But I'd like it to keep going like that long-term and comfortable rather than brief and passionate.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 72
view profile
History
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 9/17/2011 7:47:27 AM
I feel dating is like crossing a shallow river.
There many rocks to step on to get to that beautiful island.
Many rocks are solid and give good footing, some are slimy and slippery.
Times we fall, times we realize the footing is unstable.
Yet we keep moving on to the next when one feels unsure...In the end you reach the island.
We then look at the path that brought us to this point and exclaim
"Wow that was one heLL of a ride, but all worth it!
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 73
view profile
History
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 9/17/2011 8:10:14 AM
I feel that Mike is quite correct in what he says..... but there is no solution to the questions that he proposes... let me propose this...

As we each become mature we have the greater option of becoming settled, grounded and balanced..... and still know when to become passionate and interesting in a relationship.... if we get those in right balance we will be in a position to attract those with similar attributes....

Those who are still living like flaky, unsettled persons will attract the players and hoes for sure.... Balance, centeredness, stability, kindness, passion are keys to first of all find in myself before looking to others to meet those qualities.... IMO
 Natgoat
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 74
What do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 9/17/2011 6:57:49 PM
Long Term...Definitely!
I'm miserable, alone...I want someone to share in all the daily activities with.
Even something as dull as doing dishes can be absolute Fun...
with someone to share it with..!!!
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 75
What do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 9/17/2011 7:17:15 PM
Either one is fine with me. While some say they a miserable I on the contrary am quite happy with my single life.

It would take a extraordinary lady to make me even consider marriage. However if I met a lady of the caliber it would take to make me consider it.......I would not hesitate to act upon the chance.

So while long term is not out of the question it is not a concern at all.

Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero

Also don't forget....

Carpe Cerevisi
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